A/N Don't worry, I'm still alive, was just occupied with festivals, birthdays, work and getting my ass kicked - quite literally. On top of that I couldn't find any motivation at all, but somehow I managed to finish this chapter. Imo it is kinda dull, especially after the last chapter(s), and the following will be pretty calm as well before I send our favorite couple back on the rollercoaster we call Vauseman. Hope you continue to read the story even though the updates are very irregular.

By the way; we should be half way through the storyline by now. It's hard to tell how long this will get since most parts already got longer than originally planned and I get a lot of new ideas while writing. But I expect up to another 10 chapters.

Chapter 13
Heart II

New York City, New York
Manhattan
DEA New York Division
08:12 AM

Slowly Piper walks into the building. Some of her colleagues eye her curiously, she isn't sure if it's because she's so early or because of her outer appearance. But frankly she doesn't care either way. She ignores all the "good morning"s directed towards her and simply goes straight towards her office and sits down in her chair, not even thinking about getting her usual coffee from Mendoza.

Not until after leaving Alex last night Piper really thought about everything that happened in her apartment. About the conversations, the mutual insults. The gun. This fucking, stupid, fucking gun.

How could she be so fucking stupid and take the gun to Alex? She should've listened to Nicky, but she was too pissed about the whole situation to care about that at all.

She almost shot her. Her finger was on the trigger and she moved her thumb to the safety. The moment her sensitive skin brushed across it, she realized what she was doing there, who she was aiming at.

And the image of Alex standing across from her, hands raised in surrender, eyes widened in shock and fear directed at the barrel, burned itself right into her mind. Her breathing was frantic and her chest raised and lowered at an unsteady and way too fast rate.

Piper was frozen for seconds, she felt as if she was just observing the quiet scene from far, far away. When she finally lowered the gun again she shook as if she was the one who was standing at the wrong end of it. She heard herself apologizing over and over again without any control of the words. But she meant them, of course. Every single one of them was honest, guilty and so, so painful.

She didn't really notice that Alex closed the distance between them until she felt her embrace tighten. She felt as if she was woken from a nightmarish dream, dizzy, weak and let herself guide back to the chair, all of her earlier plans to leave forgotten.

Her mind was empty, her fingers still twitched awkwardly as she avoided Alex's eyes which she could feel studied her curiously. She focused on the glass of wine instead, the steady liquor had a weirdly calmingly effect on her. Or maybe it was the concern the brunette on the opposite of the table radiated, she couldn't tell. But at one point she felt safe enough to talk, to broach the subject which infuriated her enough to pull the goddamn gun.

Although the talk was short it cleared a bit of Piper's confusion about the whole topic and decisions. Because when Alex asked her if she was part of the files, Piper had to make a fast decision, a decision at which her heart and head argued loud enough that she feared Alex might hear it.

She should've said yes for the sake of her job. She just should've told her she is, and later make it official. But she couldn't. She looked into those green eyes and she knew in that exact moment that she probably would never be able to arrest her.

Piper doesn't know Alex role in the organization anyway, right? She didn't carry the drugs herself. She didn't kill Leila Smith. She didn't confess her part of it. Officially Piper knows nothing. And how should she explain to Caputo or anybody why she suspects a woman who just happens to be at the airport at a certain time like hundreds and thousands of other people to have anything to do with the case?

This should make it all so very easy, but why doesn't it feel like that?

Slowly Piper rubs her eyes as she slumps down in her chair. She still doesn't know what she should do.

"You were right", Piper suddenly mumbles the words she wanted to say to her colleague since she saw her coming into the office but feared her reaction.

Nicky dragged her to the cafeteria when she saw the emotionless and empty gaze of the blonde and, most importantly, absolutely no coffee anywhere on her own desk after entering the office for the first time this day.

The wild-haired woman lowers the newspaper she was currently reading and looks at her with a goofy smile, "cool."

The blonde furrows her brow when she realizes that that's all Nicky is about to say, "don't you wanna know with what?"

"Why push?", she asks smirking, puts the paper completely aside now and drinks her coffee. Piper smiles for a moment and forgets about everything that happened yesterday to admire her colleague's easiness instead. "So", Nicky eventually continues, "with what was I right as usual?"

Pushed back into the memories Piper's face hardens again. "The weapon", she shakes her head and looks down on the table between the two agents, "I shouldn't have brought it."

Nicky's smirk falters and she leans forward, closer to the blonde. Her voice is small but firm, "what did you do?"

Piper inhales sharply before she lifts her gaze to her colleague and looks at her kind of apologetically and guilty, "I may have… aimed it at her?"

"Fucking hell, Chapman!", Nicky hisses instantly and gives the blonde a slap in the back of her head, "are you fucking crazy?"

"I know, I know", she whispers and rubs gently across the skin her colleague hit, knowing that she fully deserved that one.

"Did you shoot her?"

"No!", she shrieks but then remembers that they're in fact not alone in the cafeteria as a few heads turn towards her. She smiles with the fakest kind smile she can offer at this moment at them to reassure them that everything's fine before she whispers to the other agent again, "no, god, no."

Nicky sighs relieved and leans back in her chair again. She shakes her head, but her eyes are still fixed on the blonde in a reprimanding way, "next time you fucking listen to me, blondie!"

Piper nods frantically and lets her head fall into her own hands, mumbling very faint "so stupid"s to herself.

"What happened?", Nicky asks after giving Piper a few seconds to calm down a bit. Piper tells her, of course. She tells her about the conversation, about Alex being part of the smuggling and drug cartel. She leaves out the vomiting and fear they both emitted, she doesn't dare to speak about the gun incident any further and Nicky doesn't push her, she doesn't interrupt, she just listens. Not until Piper doesn't speak any further, indicating that the history lesson is over, Nicky asks the most important question. "And what will you do now?"

Indeed, what will she do now? Piper asked this question to herself over and over again throughout the last night and today's morning. She still doesn't have any answer. "I don't know", she sighs and stares into the distance. "I don't think I..", she trails of and lets the various possibilities of how the sentence could end hovering in the air between the two agents. "What will you do?", she asks instead.

"Me?", Nicky raises her brows in confusion, "what's my business in any of this mess?"

"You know her. You know what she told me. You know as much as I do. You're an agent as well." Piper looks stricken, the fear of her colleague's answer clearly visible on her face.

But Nicky just smiles, "I thought we already established that I don't have any morals." She drinks from her coffee again, "none of this is official, right? I know nothing. Blissful ignorance."

"You'd actually just… ignore… all of it?", Piper asks in disbelief, she didn't expect that. She's relieved, of course, since that means that Nicky won't do anything as long as Piper doesn't decide on legal consequences, but it surprises her.

Silence fills the air again as Nicky contemplates what to say next. She tilts her head, "do you love her?" The question is sudden and even though it is obviously a question the wild-haired woman sounds as if she already knows the answer.

"I… I", Piper stutters and shakes her head. She never thought about that. It sounds like nonsense anyway. She knows Alex for less than a month after all, how can one speak of love after that short time?

"As far as I'm concerned", Nicky continues when Piper doesn't give her a real answer, "hot glasses has nothing to do with our case. We searched the mule. We found a dead mule. Now we search the mule's murderer."

"But", Piper wants to start again, before Nicky cuts her off directly.

"Don't talk, blondie, enjoy your coffee." Piper does as told and drinks the black liquid without another word. "I won't catch this bullet for you if everything collapses around you. But I will support your decision."

"Thanks, Nicky", the blonde smiles at her. But the question what she'll do is still unanswered.

She keeps thinking about Nicky's implied presumption. Does she love Alex? She remembers talking to Larry about someone she felt intrigued by. And she still does, but is there actually more?

Nicky was already right when she said that her feelings for her fiancé had changed. They changed a long time ago but she never really realized that until she stumbled across the brunette at the bar.

But what does that say about her feelings for the other woman? She barely knows her aside from that she's well-read and intelligent, she's funny though snarky at times, she's astonishingly gentle.

A short chuckle escapes her when she realizes that Alex has something she always wished Larry would have, too: a steady and well payed job.

Oh, the bitter irony.

Newark, New Jersey
Springfield/Belmont
02:28 PM

Her eyes shut at an unsteady rate throughout the debriefing. Every few seconds the lids close and snap back open before slowly closing again. She's in this condition for over an hour now, barely awake enough to follow the conversation around her.

To say that she didn't sleep well last night would be a total lie, because that would indicate that she slept at all. No, once Piper left, Alex's body refused to rest. Her brain ran on full speed all night, calculating all the possibilities now that a DEA Agent knew of her profession. Her heart contributed the necessary frequency of beats.

Sometime around midnight she ate a very late dinner to finally fill her suddenly emptied stomach again. Her mind was dizzy from all the wine she drank throughout the evening after the blonde left her alone with her thoughts.

"You don't seem very focused, Alex", the deep voice with the Turkish accent causes her to snap her eyes open once more and raise her head. Kubra stands mere inches away from her and stares right at her with his grim face she's seen often, too often.

She sits up straight and shakes her head a second before she forces herself to pay more attention to the conversation. She doesn't know what they were just talking about, but she notices that both Taystee and Megan left the room. It was just her, Kubra, Fahri, Billy and Nasir sharing the room in the warehouse now. Did she really just pass out for a moment? "I didn't get much sleep last night", she offers as excuse.

"A certain blonde kept you busy?", Billy smirks at her.

"Kind of", she mumbles and rubs her eyes, doing everything she can to stop herself from thinking about last night again. Not here, not now.

"I need my people focused", Kubra grits out after throwing an annoyed glance in Billy's direction. "Can you focus, Alex?", he sounds dangerously threatening, so the brunette doesn't wait at all to close her mouth to a thin line and nod repeatedly. "Good." He walks around the table and sits back down in his chair. "I expect another delivery in a week, to make up for our latest loss." Alex flinches at the glance he gives her when he talks about her failure, she lowers her eyes again, but stays focused with her ears. "It costs a lot more because of the short notice, but thanks to Fahri our newest customer is willing to pay double."

More like thanks to me, Alex almost says out loud, but can manage to hold the words back. Officially the business is done by Fahri, and that should suit her just fine. She doesn't need the credits for that, but one day she could need his favor.

"After that", Kubra continues firm, "you're allowed to get back to work."

"Thank you", Alex nods and smiles enthusiastic even though she feels far from it. With everything going on right now, she isn't sure if she can focus on work. No, she knows she won't be able to focus on work. But there is no way that she'll tell Kubra that. He'd ask for a reason and she can't give him anything plausible aside from the truth. And the truth would kill her. Literally. And if not her, it would kill Piper.

They carry on for a while, talking about future transports, about money and measures. Usually Alex would listen to all of it with excitement, but she can't even fake it right now as her mind wanders back to Piper and last night.

All she can do now is wait, it's Piper's move now. All she can do is hope that Piper won't do anything about it. But what are the odds for nothing to happen? She already got the vibe that the blonde loves her work and that she's really damn good at it, otherwise she wouldn't have drawn the connection to Alex, she's sure of that. And after all they only know each other for a few weeks.

But the way the blonde acted yesterday tells her that she really doesn't want to do what she's supposed to do.

It doesn't change anything though. In the end all what Alex can do is hope and wait. Wait and hope.

"So, why where you so absent minded back at the warehouse?", Billy asks her as they settle down at a club in Manhattan.

Originally she just wanted to go back home and get some much needed sleep, but her friend dragged her along with him and so she sits here on the couch in one of the VIP lounges and lets the music blast her eardrums out of her head. "I fucked up", she says before she can stop herself. It must be the tiredness, it makes her careless.

She fears Billy's reaction to that, but he just laughs, "is that still about Leila? Girl, forget about that. It's in the past and Kubra forgave you."

Alex sighs in relief, he didn't assume that she did another fuckup. A much worse one. "Strangely enough", she says. It's still surprising her how easy she got away with that whole issue.

"Let's not talk about that heavy stuff", Billy suggests and downs his Vodka, "how are things with blondie going?" Instantly Alex's face hardens again, fuck. She can't stop the reflex and Billy catches it out of the corner of his eye. He turns fully towards her and cranes an eyebrow. "Or is she your fuck up?"

The brunette sucks her teeth and rubs her forehead.

"What did you do?", he asks, his voice still full of concern, "you can tell me, you know that."

Yes, normally she can tell him everything, not that she actually does that. She has boundaries and emotional stuff is usually nothing she talks about with anybody. And aside from this talk being very emotional it's also a very high risk.

Even though she considers him her closest friend, can she actually trust him enough in order to tell him this story without the risk of him going to Kubra?

She looks in his brown eyes and finds her answer right there. Yes, she can.

"I found out about her job", is all she offers at first. She'll do this carefully, small steps, bit by bit.

"So? No dull office job like we thought?"

"Not… really", she takes a deep breath before she dares to answer. She looks him straight in the eye and whispers the dangerous truth, "she's a DEA Agent."

His eyes widen instantly, and a breathless "fucking hell" is all he offers.

"You tell me."

"Well", he fumbles around with an empty glass on the table as he searches for something to say, "just cut her off then. Fast. Like now."

"That's what I planned", Alex mumbles.

"But?", he inquires fully aware that after something like that sentence a but is always immediate. Alex doesn't answer, she just stares at the dancefloor where the crowd is dancing. "She doesn't know about you", he says with a slight weaver in his voice, "does she?"

Now Alex turns her face to him, her gaze blank, emotionless, she just looks at him and that's all he needs to get the silent answer.

"Fucking hell", he says again, this time a bit louder, with a lot more panic in his voice.

"She found out yesterday."

"And she actually told you that?!"

A single nod.

"Well, what will you do?"

"I have absolutely no idea", she sighs and falls back into the couch. She closes her eyes and rubs them with the heels of her hands, "I'm so fucking stupid."

"No objection", he shakes his head and leans back as well, "you're losing your touch."

"Not helping."

"You better fix this, Alex. When Kubra hears-"

"I know", she cuts him right off, "believe me, you don't have to tell me that." But she's also relieved. He doesn't seem to plan on ratting her out, but instead he seems genuinely concerned. Maybe he can actually help her to get out of this mess with her lungs still breathing and her hands not shackled.

"Miss Vause?", another voice suddenly cuts into their conversation and for a moment Alex feels panic rising in her body. Did someone spy on their talk?

When she opens the eyes she sees an apologetically smiling bouncer staring at her. "Yeah?"

"There's a lady who asks if she may enter and talk to you. A certain Vee?"

Alex furrows her brow, what could Vee possibly want from her? She never met that woman before, they don't have anything to do with each other aside from their mutual boss. She nods anyway, giving her approval.

He leaves and returns with a woman at his side only seconds later. The black woman standing now in front of her is probably only a few inches smaller than Alex herself, but with the big hair she tops her with easiness.

She has a wide grin on her face as she lifts her hand and waits for Alex to shake it. "It's nice to finally meet you, Miss Vause." Alex takes the hand and shakes it slowly, still not sure what to think about this sudden meeting, "I'm Vee."

"I know", is all she says. She has never even seen the woman before, but she saw pictures of her. The face has something engraving. Something… evil… "What can I do for you?"

"Oh, I just heard you were here right now and wanted to thank you." She sits down on the couch opposite to the one Billy and Alex are seated. "For taking care of my girl."

"No problem. She's a very bright kid", Alex offers and means it. She wouldn't have guessed it by the way the girl spoke and goofed around when she first met her, but after a while it wasn't hard to tell that she's actually very intelligent.

"I heard about what happened at JFK", Vee unexpectedly says, "must've been hard for you."

"It was", Alex mumbles, not sure what to think about the sudden change of subject.

"Anyway", she says and stands up again, "like I said, I just wanted to thank you. I'll be going again, business won't wait, right?" And with that she's gone again.

"What the hell was that about?", Alex asks aloud. As she turns to Billy she is surprised to find a grim expression plastered on her friend's face.

"Watch out for her, Alex. It's well known that she wants to climb the ladder", he says, his voice sounds like he's trying to suppress a lot of anger, "actually it's your job she wants. And she didn't take it well when you didn't have to face any punishment for Leila."

to be continued…
Heart III