A/N: Hey everybody!
I know this has taken a while and I must apologise for that, but RL and a bout of ill health had really put this behind schedule. But they do say better late than never, and I hope that is the case here, and that it has been worth the wait.
Huge thanks to Becca once again for her wonderful beta job. She is a star and makes this all the better. Thanks again to everyone who had review/added/alerted, you are all amazing, and I love getting each and every email. Reading them is always a pleasure.
Anyway on with the show, read and enjoy!
Chapter 13
Well, Brittany was on her way.
Santana gazed around her own backyard and took a deep breath of the cool afternoon air. It wasn't bad as far as days went, much better than the rest of the week had been. Not that she had seen much of it - this was the first time in three days that Santana had ventured outside. In fact, if it wasn't for Olivia Santana doubted she would have left her house for the rest of her stay in Lima.
Looking down and to the left Santana's mouth quirked upwards as her eyes landed on the little girl in question. They had finished their milkshakes not ten minutes ago and Olivia had begged to explore more of the property. Of course, Santana hadn't been able to say no and was currently giving a small guided tour of a part of the gardens Olivia had not previously explored - at least she had not explored it to the best of Santana's knowledge.
During her previous visits Santana had kept Olivia and Brittany to the formal gardens and the landscaped portions of the property. She had avoided the woods, orchards and more agricultural parts of the estate. This time, however, she had steered her small visitor through the kitchen gardens into the badlands (her name for the less sculptured areas of the property) where the outbuildings were located. She had been a huge nerd when she was younger.
It seemed like Olivia was enjoying herself because as soon as they had made it through the yards or so of upturned earth filled with herbs and every type of autumnal vegetable available, Olivia had made a break for something that had captured her interest. Santana had a feeling that this part of the property would be of special interest to Olivia based on the young girl's comments from previous visits.
"Do you have horses?" Olivia asked excitedly as she pushed her small body against the wooden fence. She was currently standing with her feet upon the lower part of the structure of as she leaned over to get a better view of what lay beyond. She looked fit to burst, the balls of her feet bouncing against the bottom run of the fence, and Santana hated to bring her down, but bring her down she must - Brittany would kill her if anything happened to Olivia.
"Nope, no horses," Santana answered with a small shake of her head, her tone slightly apologetic. They had just completed a walkthrough of the actual stables and Santana had quite enjoyed pointing out and explaining various design facets of the building or complicated piece of equipment. To her, it was strange to be in this part of the property and not see some sign of activity. There was nothing, no sound, no smell, nothing that reminded her of her youth. It was bizarre; her parents had enjoyed riding and, for as long as she could remember, there had always been some type of equine animal stabled or grazing in the paddocks beyond.
"But those are stables?" Olivia frowned as she pointed towards a block of buildings that were situated towards the back of the property. "If they are stables then they should have horses."
"Yeah, they're stables; they used to have horses in them, but not now," Santana explained and nodded her head because the kid was right: stables should have horses. She could see that Olivia was disappointed that there were no horses she could touch and feed. Santana however didn't really feel the same disappointment. It had been an age since she had ridden and it would have been a complete waste of time and money, not to mention narcissistic, to keep animals at a property that was not her residence on the off-chance that she might come back. Horses were meant to be ridden (and ridden regularly) and keeping a small herd just so her stables were filled would not be fair.
Santana looked away from the stables and towards Olivia once more. She could see that the little girl was mulling over her words and wondered if, in this brief reprise from questioning, this was perhaps the right time to bring up the reason why Olivia had joined her on this walk. She had made a promise to Brittany to at least try and talk to Olivia about her reasons for biking here and Santana was determined to keep it. "Olivia, do you want to tell me why you came here today?"
"What happened to all your horses?" Olivia asked, completely ignoring Santana's request.
Santana sighed at the dismissal and, as much as she wanted to ask again, she knew not to push. After giving Olivia a look that told her she wasn't quite letting go, Santana shrugged her shoulders and decided to indulge Olivia's question, maybe it would help her to open up.
"Well, my parents sold their horses," Santana paused momentarily because she didn't know the exact particulars and doubted Olivia would want to know why the horses were sold either, "and my horse passed away when I was seventeen." The last of her words were almost whispers and Santana looked away from the shimmering brown orbs that where staring at her with sadness.
That was the last time she had been in the stables and the source of her reluctance to enter them again. It was not a memory that she was particularly inclined to revisit. In fact, she had done a good job of banishing it from her mind until she wandered the grounds today, answering Olivia's questions. She had lost a dear friend that day, her childhood companion and it had affected her so deeply she hadn't ridden since.
"I'm sorry," Olivia apologised, her eyes showing her genuine remorse for bringing up something that hurt Santana, even though the older of the two was sure the little girl did not do so intentionally.
Santana reached over with a gentle smile and squeezed Olivia's shoulder. "It's okay, he had a good life and he lived to be quite old, for a horse."
He was her first and only horse: her pride, joy, and utterly irreplaceable. He had been a birthday gift. A beautiful stallion was not the typical horse to give a little girl, but he had suited her - and the gifter knew just how perfect the powerful and stubborn animal was for Santana. He had belonged to her Abuelo and had been one of his favourite stallions, the one that Santana had coveted when she had visited them for the summer the year before. She had taken over his grooming duties and had ridden him every single day of her stay to prove to her Abuelo that she was old enough and responsible enough to own him.
It had worked and created Santana's all-time favourite birthday. Finding the horse of her dreams stabled in her stall gave her a feeling of joy and accomplishment that stayed with her through childhood and into adulthood.
"Was he a nice horse?" Olivia asked, drawing Santana from her thoughts.
It was a simple question and one Santana couldn't help but answer enthusiastically. "Yes, he was a very nice horse." It was the truth, but like all animals he had his moments. Her mother had always said he was just like her and her Abuelo, difficult. "He could be… stubborn, but with the right incentive, like an apple, he would do just about anything."
Olivia smiled widely and Santana joined her as they both looked back over at the stables where she had spent a huge chunk of her childhood. "What was he called?"
"Ciceron," Santana answered instantly with a small smile pertaining to the horse's name. It had always made her smile.
"Ciceron? What's that mean?" Olivia asked, a twitch of her little nose betrayed her puzzlement.
"It's Spanish for chickpea." Santana playfully rolled her eyes skywards as Olivia's face scrunched up further at the explanation of the name. Santana grinned at the open contemplation of the name of her first and only horse.
"Chickpea? I like it, it's a cool name. Why did you call him that?" Olivia asked her smile large and her eyes shining with amusement.
"I didn't, he was a birthday gift. It was the name my Abuelo gave him." Santana's mind automatically conjured up an image of her horse and the feature that gave him his name. "He was almost completely black, but his mane was a sandy colour, like a chickpea."
"I'll be he was pretty."
"I'll show you a picture of me and Ciceron when I was younger if you like?" Santana offered recalling all the pictures, ribbons and rosettes she used to have pinned to the wall of her old room. Part of it was like a little shrine to her favourite beast. She hadn't really been in there since she had left home, and it wasn't like her mother had a reason to change it, so she presumed it was just like she had left it.
Olivia nodded her head rapidly in agreement, "Is it hard to learn to ride?"
Santana shrugged her shoulders and answered as best she could. "Well it depends upon the person, some take to it others don't. It takes a lot of time and effort."
"Do you think I would be good at riding?" Olivia asked her eyes huge and shining with expectation and she waited for Santana's answer.
Santana smiled brightly and nodded her head up and down, "I have a feeling you'd be great." Olivia was confident and, like the majority of kids, she held a certain level of fearlessness. Whatever hang-ups the kid did have she seemed to power through them; Santana knew all would hold her in good stead not just if she ever learnt to ride but in all aspects of life. For better or worse, Olivia's fearlessness had also led them here and gave Santana a headache.
Santana took a deep breath and looked down at her feet. She knew what she wanted to ask next, she knew what she had to ask. Blurting it out hadn't helped much the last time, but she wasn't sure any other way to go about it. She had a feeling that Olivia would just worm her way out of it or try and avoid the question again. Biting the bullet, Santana looked up once more and turned Olivia to face her, "Olivia, why did you come here?"
Olivia shrugged her shoulders in response and Santana wanted to sigh out in frustration. The kid had obviously come here for a reason, but whatever it was she wasn't all too willing to share. Santana didn't know why, but she was determined to find out. "Come on, Olivia, why are you here? You're going to have to tell someone, if not me then your mom."
Santana watched as Olivia sucked in her bottom lip and seemed to weigh up her options before she opened her mouth and asked Santana a question she hadn't been expecting. "Do you think my mom's pretty?"
"What?" Santana floundered for a second as her mind rapidly tried to connect the dots. She didn't understand how her question of Olivia's presence had to do with Brittany's beauty.
"Do you think my mom's pretty?" Olivia repeated the question her tone more bold and demanding as she placed emphasis on each word.
"I… I don't see how that's relevant," Santana told Olivia with a slight frown. She couldn't help but feel a little unaffordable as her mind instantly went back to the last time she had been with Brittany. Olivia had been standing there, watching them and Santana felt her mouth go dry as she considered the fact that Olivia might have heard a lot more than she should have.
"But do you?" Olivia prompted wanting Santana to answer her question not avoid it.
"I… don't think that…" Santana started to shake her head when she noticed Olivia's slightly downcast face and quickly changed her answer. She couldn't lie to Olivia, so instead she opted for honesty no matter where it may lead her to. "Yes, I think she is very pretty."
Olivia nodded and considered her answer before her launched another difficult question at an unsuspecting Santana. "Do you have a boyfriend?"
"Well, no I don't." Santana didn't like where these questions were leading. She couldn't shake the sense of foreboding that had settled in her stomach with the last question and the next one solidified it.
"Do you have a girlfriend?" Olivia asked, her tone the same as it had been on the other questions.
Feeling as if the breath had been stolen from her lungs, Santana shook her head, "No…," she wasn't so stunned at the fact that Olivia was in a way inquiring after her sexual orientation, but with the way in which she had asked it.
"Do you only like girls?" Santana felt her eyes snap open at the slightly more direct question. Olivia didn't seem phased in any way and Santana was sure that wasn't common. When she had been Olivia's age, she could remember the other kids in her class being grossed out by same-sex relationships or anything that was remotely different or non-traditional (divorce had been taboo, too).
"Olivia…" Santana started, she didn't think it was an appropriate line of questioning for them to be having. She didn't think Brittany would like it either; she had always been quick to stop Olivia and chastise her when the questions got awkward or to personal. Now Santana knew she wasn't going to get saved. It was an 'answer or you're screwed' situation and Santana knew she wasn't going to lie, when this secret had spent years destroying her honesty.
Santana felt a small hand take her own and she dropped to her knees so she was eye level with Olivia. "It's ok, my mom told me all about how girls can like girls and how boys can like boys, and sometimes they can like both boys and girls and that's ok too."
Santana couldn't help the twitch of her lips as she allowed Olivia's words to wash over her. The kid was something else. She really was a testament to Brittany's excellent parenting, because Santana didn't know many other kids, but those she did weren't anything like Olivia. "Your mom's a very smart woman. I do just like girls."
Olivia tilted her head to one side and Santana watched as she twisted her mouth a little, absorbing the answers she had given her. Suddenly she nodded to herself and then narrowed her eyes. "Do you like my mom?"
"I…do" Santana admitted hesitantly with a nod of her own. She wasn't quite sure it was a good idea to admit to liking Brittany after she had admitted to being attracted to the same sex. Her mouth had been opened and she had said it, so there was no taking it back.
"And you think she's pretty?" Olivia asked, seeking some sort of confirmation to Santana's earlier admission. Santana automatically frowned as the air in her chest was trapped, she could see where this was going and it had disaster written all over it.
"I like I just said…she's a very beautiful woman. She seems like she's very kind." Santana said, although she knew that kind was really an understatement.
"Will you date her?" As soon as the words left Olivia's lips Santana felt her eyes widen comically. She had half expected that Olivia was going to ask her something like that, but it didn't stop the shock that she felt reverberate around her being at the little girl's question. "What did you just ask me?"
"Will you date my mom?" Olivia repeated her question a little slower this time like she had a doubt about Santana's intelligence.
"Where is all this coming from?" Santana asked genuinely confused why Olivia was asking her these questions. She had barely known both of them for longer than about a week and a half. Sure she did like Brittany and under different circumstances, or in another life, she would happily date the other woman, but now in Santana's view wasn't the place or the time. While Olivia wasn't aware of it Santana was positive she was too fucked up for anyone. She certainly had no intention of forcing her screwed up life on anyone as kind as Brittany and as impressionable as Olivia.
"I think she likes you." Olivia admitted her head bobbing up and down with a smile that indicated she was sharing a piece of vital knowledge.
Santana couldn't help the way her cheeks flushed and her heart beat increased with excitement of the possibility that Brittany might like her. It wasn't something she didn't already know, she had seen the way Brittany had looked at her with desire and want. But to hear it verbalised by another human being was still thrilling. Still it didn't detract from the fact that she just couldn't do what Olivia wanted her to.
Looking at Olivia closely Santana could see the hope that was written all over her face and she absolutely hated what she had to do next, but she couldn't lead the kid on. "That maybe the case, but Olivia I can't just date your mom."
"Why not?" Olivia asked her face falling with each second. A crease took up permanently residency just above her nose. "You like her, I think she likes you, I defiantly like you, and so you can take her on dates and stuff."
"Olivia…"
Olivia interrupted Santana before she could speak further and try to explain to her the reasons why she couldn't date Brittany. "You were going to kiss her right?"
"What did you see?" Santana sighed deeply as Olivia shrugged her shoulders in response. Santana had seen how uncomfortable the near lip lock had made Brittany. She was certain that had something to do with the possibility of being caught by her daughter.
"Nothing," Olivia answered, "I just figured it out. You both looked like Aunt Allie and Uncle Brian when they go to kiss."
"I shouldn't have…" Santana trailed off as she lifted a hand towards her eyes. She hadn't been able to help herself, but now thinking upon it, it had probably been a bad idea.
"I don't mind," Olivia quickly said her eyes wide as she interrupted Santana once more, "if you take her on dates I can come too."
"We shouldn't be talking about this." Santana shook her head along with her words. She didn't think Brittany would appreciate their conversation, or the sly planning Olivia had obviously had in mind.
"But I can even tell you the things she likes, and help you." Olivia offered and Santana could see the eager and almost desperate look in her eyes.
"Olivia you have to understand things just don't work like that. I can't just ask your mom out on a date because you want me too."
"Why not?"
"Well, even when people like each other, there are a lot of things that have to happen for them to be compatible."
"I don't understand why are you not compatible? You both like each other," Olivia said genuinely confused by Santana's answer.
"Well, I haven't really known your mom long enough to find out if we could be compatible," Santana tried to explain. It tugged at her heart when she thought of the probable reason why Olivia was asking her to date Brittany. She just wanted her mom to find love. It was sweet and sad mainly because Santana was certain she could never fulfil that particular dream, even if she wanted to.
"If you ask her out on a date then you can find out right?" Olivia asked, her face eager.
Santana took a deep breath as she prepared to say what was in her mind. She was dreading the next few seconds, "I won't have enough time for that Olivia."
"Why?"
"Remember when I told you that I haven't lived here for a long time?" Santana asked, making sure Olivia was following her.
Olivia nodded her head up and down slowly, "yeah, you lived in New York before you moved back here."
"That right, but I haven't moved back here Olivia. I am just staying here for a while and I'll be leaving soon."
"Why? Don't you like it here?"
"I like it here just fine, but I live in New York, my work is there and my friends. I have obligations." It wasn't exactly the truth, while she did have certain things that she needed to be in New York for. She could do her work anywhere and apart from Mercedes and Kurt she didn't really have anything else that tied her to the city.
"But I'm your friend and I'm here; you can't just leave, you have to help me."
Santana frowned as the last few words Olivia had uttered stuck in her mind. Her brows knitted together as she tried to figure out the meaning behind them. "What…?"
"It's my birthday soon; I was going to invite you. I don't have any other friends."
"Olivia I am sure you have other people who you can invite," Santana offered with a small lift of her lips. Brittany had told her that Olivia didn't have many, if any, friends but she wasn't going to point that out.
Olivia, however, had no problem with it, "no, I don't."
"Come on, there must be someone," Santana urged.
"No, Ashley was my only friend before you and she sucks." Santana watched on as the little blonde folded her arms across her chest and set her face into a pout after she finished speaking.
"Yeah, well I have to agree there. Your mom told me the kids in your dance class like you," Santana prompted, trying to get the kid to admit to have one friend besides her, even if she didn't really consider them her friends.
"Yeah, they're okay, I guess they are my friends, but I don't want them to come to my party, I only want you there, please." Santana squeezed Olivia's hand and reached out with her other to cup her soft cheek.
"I won't be here Olivia, I'm sorry," Santana knew that she had upset Olivia by the sheen of moisture she could see gathering in the little girl's eyes. It was the last thing she had wanted when she had convinced Brittany that she could get Olivia to talk. She hadn't wanted to break the kid's heart and dash her little dream, but she didn't see any other way out of the mess they were in.
"It's gonna suck. Everything is going to suck now!" Olivia shouted as she pulled away from Santana and turned her face away. Santana could see her lip quivering and she felt a lump form in her throat.
"Olivia…," Santana tried as she reached her hands out to grasp Olivia's shoulders.
"When's my mom coming for me?" Olivia asked, her voice so small and broken that Santana strained to hear it.
"Soon… Olivia, I'm so sorry," Santana said as she swallowed down the lump she felt in her throat as she watched a tear slip down Olivia's cheek. As more tears escaped her brown eyes and traced a path to her chin, Santana felt her mood dip further.
Santana didn't know what she could have done different. She supposed that she could have broken the news a little softer. Olivia had surprised her with the dating plea and she just didn't see any other way around it. She was pretty certain she just didn't possess the right emotional level to entertain a relationship with anyone. Then there was the fact that she would be in a different part of the country. It could never work. She was flattered Olivia had decided to risk severe punishment to see her and ask for her help however misguided, but it was something she just couldn't fix for Olivia. She couldn't date Brittany no matter how much the earnest and romantic little eight year old wanted her to (and she couldn't date Brittany no matter how much she might want to).
As she looked towards the girl in question, Santana heard another round of sniffling and felt even worse than she had in the minutes after she had told Olivia. She didn't really know what to do, but Santana remembered a place that always made her feel better: her personal sanctuary when she was a kid. It was a place she had loved and run to every time she had felt low or had been upset. She knew that it wasn't quite the same, but she wanted to cheer Olivia up. Moving one of her hands from Olivia's shoulder, Santana gently grasped her chin and turned her face towards her.
"I'm sorry Olivia, really I am. Just because I'm in a different city doesn't mean we won't still be friends."
"But you'll be so far away." Olivia breathed out, her eyes allowing a few more tears to fall.
"I know, but least you will have a friend in New York if you ever decided you want to cycle cross country." Olivia's face cracked slightly despite her tears. "Is that a smile I see?" Santana ducked her head to encourage the little girl's smile to fully blossom.
Knowing that Brittany would be here soon Santana pushed herself up to her feet. Keeping hold of Olivia's hand Santana took a step forward and pulled the little girl along with her. "Come on, I have something I want to show you and I have a feeling you're gonna love it."
She had finally made it to Santana's house, although she wasn't quite sure how - she had hardly stopped since she had hung up the phone. She cancelled her later class and explained to both Tina and Matt her reason for cutting her day short. Then there was the dreaded call to her Mom. The older woman hadn't even known Olivia had gone, which resulted in several minutes of questioning and searching. Then realisation had set in, to be closely followed by worry and shock. Then, the inevitable fury accompanied by a ton of unhelpful punishments for her little tear-away.
The whole thing had been an ordeal and resulted in her arriving a half-hour later than the time she had given Santana. She didn't think Santana would mind, she had said so on the phone, but Brittany couldn't help but feel a dose of shame for Olivia's actions. While Santana was nice enough she had already put up with her fair share of Olivia related drama. The woman had her own life. One that didn't include them and she had to make it clear to Olivia that she couldn't just impose upon the woman. No matter what Santana herself said to the contrary.
Brittany took a deep breath of the cool air around her. She felt her heart beat thunderously in her chest as she continued to make her way through the wooded area that surrounded the gardens of Santana's property. The ground was slightly damp the further she went. The woods were filled with all kinds of sounds, but the main one accompanying Brittany was the squelching of leaves and mud underfoot and the occasional snapping twig.
Irrationally, she was feeling a little panicked, not to mention a little lost. She only hoped that she was going the right way as she wasn't known for her great sense of direction. (She had gotten lost in The Gap in Columbus last time she went with Allie.) So she wasn't ruling out getting lost here, despite the directions that Will gave her.
She had just passed him while he was busy burning piles of dried out wood and leaves. After a quick smile and a standard greeting, he had directed her to follow the well-worn trail that wound a path deeper into the wood. He had reassured her that she couldn't possibly get lost, not this close to the house, but Brittany was still cautious.
The smell of burning wood still hung heavy in the air the further she trekked. The smoke swirled into her lungs and stuck to her damp skin, mixing with the already present smell of sweat. Chuckling and silently cursing Olivia, she reminded herself to stay downwind of Santana.
Brittany's mind was snapped back into the present as the sounds of running water, followed by a peel of laughter, reached her ears. Will had told her it would take five minutes to find them and sure enough five minutes later she had. She would know the sound of Olivia's laughter anywhere and, despite the fact that she was more than a little annoyed with the owner of said laugh, it brought a smile to her face.
The trees thinned a little the closer she drew to the sounds. Brittany ducked to miss a few low hanging branches as she stepped into the small clearing. Her eyes were immediately drawn to something she would have adored as a child, and if she was honest, kind of adored now. There is the middle of the clearing was something Brittany hadn't expected to find, the biggest most complicated tree house she had ever seen. It was like a mini real-life version of Bright Tree Village.
Brittany now knew the reason for her daughter's laughter and screams as she gazed up at what she was pretty sure she should call a complex. It was set over three levels and spanned three trees connected by bridges. It was accessible by a wooden staircase that ran in a spiral up the trunk of one of the trees. Part of it even over hung a small stream that ran through the wood. It looked like it had seen better days and Brittany supposed if it had been built for Santana it was at least twenty years old. Still, it seemed sturdy enough despite its obvious age.
Brittany briefly wondered how much it must have cost and why something so elaborate was built in the first place. She recalled that Santana had mentioned her parents having little time for her and it caused a twinge of sadness in her heart as she wondered if it was built to compensate for their lack of attention or time. Brittany couldn't even imagine being like that with Olivia.
Even her own mother, who worked tirelessly to provide for her and her sister, had spent every second she could find with her daughters. They always ate meals together and always talked about their days. Even now, twenty odd years later, they still had a similar routine. The memories were so engrained that it was a tradition and a routine that she worked to give Olivia.
"Intruder!" The shout from above once more interrupted Brittany's thoughts. It wasn't exactly the greeting she had been expecting and she felt her eyebrow's fly up her forehead in response. Brittany looked up to find her daughter hanging over the edge of the complex wooden structure. The smaller version of herself was staring down at her, while she pointed one of her fingers in her direction.
"Hey baby," Brittany greeted with a small smile that turned into a look of surprise as Olivia ignored her. She watched on as her daughter pulled away from the rail and looked over her shoulder towards whoever was behind her. "Captain, we have an intruder." Olivia informed the person she was calling Captain, who Brittany assumed was Santana.
Brittany couldn't help but frown at Olivia's response. She wasn't really in the mood to play games after the last few hours and what Olivia had done. She wanted to tell her to get down now so she could talk to her about what she had done, but knew it wouldn't go over well. She had to play it cool; she had to coax Olivia into talking. She knew her daughter and she knew it wouldn't be good if she just started demanding things of her.
She decided to humour her daughter and play along. Brittany held up her hands in mock surrender as she gazed up at Olivia, "I come in peace."
"Captain, this lady is trespassing. Should we trust her?" Olivia responded firmly while crossing her little arms over her chest.
'Captain' Santana peeked over the rail and Brittany sent her a small wave and smile. Brittany felt her breath catch in her throat as the other woman returned her smile somewhat sheepishly and apologetically before she looked towards her daughter once more. "I think we can let the trespassing go just this once, Private Pierce."
"Aye Captain," Olivia nodded as she looked back over the rail and giggled.
Rolling her eyes Brittany dropped her hands. A small frown marred her brow as she pondered her reaction to that simple smile. She knew she was attracted to Santana, but it was ridiculous and even a little bit scary that even the sight of her seemed to steal her breath away. She knew what she was feeling was intense, it had been from the offset, but it just seemed to get stronger every time they saw each other, no matter how brief. If Brittany was honest it was a little overwhelming and one of the reasons she fled that day. She knew Allie was just trying to help her, but Brittany wasn't sure if she would even be able to speak when she was in the presence of Santana, seeing as she was having difficulty breathing now. (And she was pretty sure that talking was necessary for a date.)
Brittany shook her head to dislodge her thoughts and somehow kick-start her brain. She looked up and found both the reasons for her current state of mind looking at her slightly puzzled. She guessed they had called out and she had ignored them, "Do you think you can come down or lower the drawbridge or whatever and let me up?"
"Do we have a drawbridge?" Brittany couldn't quite see her daughter over the rail but she just knew from her tone that her look must be the typical one she wore when around Santana.
"Nope, no drawbridge," Santana informed Olivia with an indulgent smile. "No need for one. Sky-Fort Lopez was a Santana only zone."
The words instantly brought back Brittany's earlier thoughts. She couldn't help but frown as her speculation was confirmed. It made her a little sad that Santana had had such a lonely childhood. From what little she had seen and heard Santana seemed to have carried that loneliness in to her adulthood.
"We'll open the trapdoor, just come straight up the stairs, Brittany." Brittany nodded and quickly followed Santana's instructions. With her long legs she was able to take two stairs at a time and was at the entrance to the tree house quicker than expected. She heard the sounds of footsteps overhead and creaking sounds before she was bathed in a shaft of sunlight. Looking up, Brittany caught Santana reaching over to pull open the second set of doors that sealed off the tree house from the ground.
"Welcome," Santana said as soon as Brittany stepped through the hole on the floor. She smiled at her host and wiped her hands upon her tights to remove any dirt she had picked up from the tree trunk.
Brittany gazed around the interior of the structure, taking in what she could - which wasn't much. It was obviously in disuse, but that wasn't surprising. A table was situated over by a far wall and several seats carved from a tree surrounded it. Apart from that and a pile of leaves that had accumulated in one corner, the whole thing was practically empty.
Brittany found her gaze once again moving back to Santana's. The two deep chocolate brown orbs seemed to bore into her own and like the last time they had been alone Brittany instantly felt herself drawn towards the other woman.
It was like her feet had a mind of their own, because within seconds Brittany found herself moving towards where Santana stood. Brittany opened her mouth to say something. What words she wanted to say she wasn't sure but she just had to verbalise how her heart was pounding in her chest and how it was all Santana's fault.
She wanted to ask if she was feeling it to, but she looked at Santana again she knew she didn't need to ask. She could see what she was feeling. Santana's eyes where windows showing her everything she could want to know and the heavy way she was breathing did nothing but confirm it. She wasn't alone in whatever it was that was happening between them. She had an equal and, it appeared, willing partner who was just as helpless to resist the pull that existed when they seemed to gravitate to towards each other.
"I brought your cardigan back." Santana's eyes widened as if that was the last thing that she expected Brittany to say. In fact, it was the last thing that Brittany had expected to say. She felt a brief moment of mortification before she watched Santana's lips twitch and then form a brilliant smile. "Oh, thank God, I thought I'd never see it again."
"Well, I did think about keeping it, I looked super-hot in it," Brittany uttered so deadpan and her face so serious that it brought a bark of laughter straight from Santana, whose smile had yet to disappear from her face. "I… err... I can't really argue with that Brittany."
Tilting her head to once side Brittany allowed a small smile to curl her lips. "Not many could."
Santana opened her mouth to respond again, but before that could happen she was interrupted by Olivia, who had just entered the main room from outside. "Isn't this the coolest thing ever mom?"
"Yes, very cool," Brittany responded after shooting Santana an apologetic look and receiving an understanding one in return. Brittany dropped her gaze quickly responded with a smile as she looked towards her daughter. "This isn't what I expected to find when I came out here!" Brittany threw out an arm to indicate to the expansive tree house.
Santana smiled in understanding and Brittany watched as she faltered a little before she spoke. "It's an old childhood haunt. I thought Olivia might like it. It's just we had a little talk and it got a little intense."
She wanted to ask Santana what exactly got intense and why, but she also knew ignoring Olivia wouldn't go over well. She could see the other woman looked a little agitated and sad. She didn't know what it was Olivia had told her to cause that particular look, but Brittany couldn't help but feel concerned and a little apprehensive.
"It even has some of those beach binocular things mom they are awesome. You should come see. You can just about see the house through them."
"Maybe some other time," Brittany offered with a smile that caused Olivia's to completely slip from her face. Brittany didn't know what she had said wrong, but as she looked to Santana for an explanation she saw that her daughter's look was mirrored by the brunette.
"There won't be another time!" Olivia spat as her lip quivered slightly and Brittany's brow instantly knitted together in confusion. Santana had said their talk hadn't gone well, but she didn't think the other woman would have told Olivia she couldn't come and see her again. She had told her a few times she didn't mind Olivia's company and in fact she enjoyed it.
Cocking her head slightly Brittany focused upon her little girl. "I don't understand?"
"Are we going home now?" Olivia asked as she looked down at her feet.
Brittany felt her eyebrows shoot up her forehead at the request and her daughters apparent struggle not, to dissolve into tears. First Olivia wanted to drag her off further into the tree house to explore; now she wanted to go home. It didn't make sense. Add that on top of Santana's resigned and guilty look it made Brittany more than a little suspicious.
Having had enough Brittany reached down and gently grasped Olivia's chin. "First I want an explanation of why you are here in the first place." Brittany sighed as she finished and tilted her daughter's head upwards and lifted an eyebrow as she waited for her to talk.
"I just wanted to ride my bike." Olivia said even though it came out more like a question.
The unsatisfying reply and the air of nonchalance it held caused Brittany's tightly reigned temper to partially uncoil. "Olivia! Do you realise how much trouble you have caused me today?"
"I didn't mean to." Olivia said softly as she pulled her head from Brittany's grasp. Her lips pursed together and she looked up her eyes shining. "Are you mad at me?"
Exhaling Brittany shrugged her shoulder's slightly "Mad? Maybe a little, not as mad as Gran is." Brittany paused for a moment as she watched Olivia's eyes widen at the comment and its implications. "But I'm not going to lie baby; I'm really disappointed in you."
"Mom…" Shaking her head Brittany held up her hand for Olivia to stop. "You still haven't given me a straight answer, and I know you know not to just go off on your own. Especially after last time. I'm going to have to ground you this time."
"But…" Sighing Brittany shook her head again and shot Olivia a look. She didn't want to ground her, but she really didn't see any other option. She couldn't just leave whoever was looking after her anytime she wanted, no matter what her mysterious reason was. It wasn't safe and it wasn't fair, on anyone. "No buts this time Olivia, this time I'm punishing you. No playing out, straight home after school and dance classes. It also means no TV…"
"No TV?" Olivia interrupted her voice holding a slight whine. Brittany couldn't help but roll her eyes at the fact the only aspect of her punishment that Olivia was bothered about was the lack of TV. "Yep, no cartoons, no Judge Judy with Gran, nothing. You will go straight to your room after dinner, do your homework and then straight to bed."
"That sucks."
"Well you should have thought of that before you broke one of my rules," Brittany snorted, she agreed, it did suck and that was the whole point of punishing her. "I don't have many but those I do are there for a reason Olivia. They are there to protect you and keep you safe. I don't make rules for fun, but because I love you and I want to know you're being looked after. I worry about you, and so does gran, can you imagine what she would have been like if she had come out of the house and found you gone?"
"I'm sorry," Olivia responded so softly it was barely audible. However, Brittany did hear her and nodded her head in acknowledgment of Olivia's apology. "I know you are, but you have to think about these things Olivia."
"I know."
"So why did you do it?" Brittany asked, genuinely confused as to why Olivia would cause so much trouble if she knew it was wrong.
Olivia looked towards Santana as another look passed between them, a look that told Brittany no matter what she said or did, she wasn't going to get to the bottom of this; at least not easily. "I just wanted to see Santana."
"I can understand that, but you should have told me and I would have called her or something to see if you could come see her next week. Like I did last time."
"You were weird after the last time," Olivia grumbled causing Brittany to start and her mouth drop open to protest. Before she could, Olivia continued, "Besides she won't be here next week."
"I don't understand?" Brittany asked as she tried to make sense of those seven words that caused her stomach to drop. Looking towards Santana, Brittany hoped that Olivia was somehow mistaken but the apologetic gaze that met her own told her that her daughter wasn't wrong.
"I'm leaving Monday," Santana explained quietly as she looked down at a teary Olivia. Brittany felt her heart stop and her stomach drop as suddenly the reason Olivia's mood and the strange and sad looks Santana had been shooting her daughter were revealed. She couldn't quite believe what she had heard and she couldn't wrap her mind around the fact that her first instinct was to scream for Santana not to go.
"Excuse me?"
"I said I'm leaving Monday." Santana repeated herself once more as she looked down at a teary Olivia. Brittany could tell that she was missing something. The look between her daughter and the woman she had grown so attached to spoke of something more than Santana leaving and Brittany was not privy to it. "I mentioned it to Olivia last week. That's why she came."
"Oh…" Brittany breathed out as her brow knitted together.
That wasn't what she was expecting to hear. It was shocking and, if Brittany was honest, slightly devastating. The flirting that had occurred just minutes before told her she wasn't the only one who knew that there was something more going on here. Now it was being ended before it could even start. Shaking her head Brittany told herself she was overreacting. It wasn't like she had known Santana that long to feel anything truly heart-breaking in regards to her. Sure, she thought she was beautiful, and she had no doubt that if she knew her longer she their relationship would blossom into something physical, but she shouldn't feel like she lost something based on their interactions so far. She shouldn't feel like she just wanted to hold onto her and never let her go. It was absurd.
Even though she knew of how ridiculous her feelings were considering the time frame, nothing seemed to justify the pounding of her heart in her chest, the lump in her throat and the stinging that she felt in her eyes. Taking a deep breath Brittany ruthlessly stamped down on everything she was experiencing. She told herself that it was Olivia she was just feeling for, that was it. Olivia had formed an instant and deep bond with Santana and she knew that Olivia would find this whole situation devastating.
"Yeah, I … have commitments." Brittany nodded automatically as she listened to Santana's mumbled explanation for her imminent departure.
"When are you coming back?" Brittany asked, unwittingly echoing the words of her daughter. She didn't know why she was asking, because just looking into Santana's eyes gave her the feeling that the answer she was going to receive wasn't going to be one she liked.
"I'm..."
"Please can we leave mom?" Olivia interrupted before Santana could commit to anything. Brittany felt her hand taken and an incessant tugging started to demand her attention. Brittany was a little lost for words as she stared into her daughter's huge eyes. They were usually eyes that were filled with joy and light, now those same eyes were shining with tears just ready to fall. Eyes that were pleading and begging for her do as she was asking and take her away from the source of her pain. Brittany felt her throat tighten and swallowed down the lump that was once again forming.
Before she could respond once more Santana spoke, "Olivia… I'm so sorry, you know that don't you?"
Brittany looked up and met Santana's eyes again. She could see the pain that was shining out coupled with regret. Automatically she could tell that the last thing the other woman wanted to do was hurt her daughter. The way she was looking at Olivia and then herself was just filled with pleading for some form of understanding. While Brittany did understand, and had first-hand experience of how life could sometimes dictate how we lived our life and where, she also knew that her daughter wouldn't. She was eight, and still wanted everything to go her way, no matter what was happening to the contrary.
Olivia dropped her head into her hand shaking it from side to side. Before either of the women could say anything more, Olivia had taken off, her little feet beating a rapid song as she flew through the trapdoor and down the stairs, disappearing from sight.
Brittany's body and mind automatically reacted to her daughter's flight. A shout of 'Olivia' ripped its way from her lips as she quickly turned and followed the little blonde as she ran from the tree house. As she reached the bottom step, Brittany looked up just in time to see Olivia disappear along the path that lead back to Will and ultimately the house. Her maternal instincts told her that she had to get to Olivia and offer her some comfort in any way she could. Even if it was just in the form of a hug or, if it came to it, she would even take her home and away from Santana.
Her body continued to move of its own accord and Brittany found herself once again ducking low hanging branches as she moved rapidly along the path back to the house. She hardly took in anything apart from passing a startled Will, who while leaning on an upturned rake, mumbled something along the lines of 'she went that way,' with a point of his index finger. It didn't take long before she cleared the trees and the damp ground and she was shielding her eyes from the glare of the sun as she searched for another sight of Olivia.
Santana's lawn stretched out before her and Brittany looked around momentarily before she spotted the one she had been chasing. Olivia's little legs and her head start had taken her all the way back to the house. While she was quite far away, Brittany could easily tell it was her daughter and it appeared she wasn't alone because Brittany could see a blob of black which she presumed was Santana's dog. Taking a deep breath Brittany shook her head and started to slowly walk towards the path that would lead her towards the house, and towards Olivia. She knew she would need all the courage she could muster to deal with her daughter's current mood.
Over the sound of her own breathing Brittany detected another sound. It was ragged breathing from behind her, and caused the tall blonde to slow even further and look over her shoulder. Her vision was filled with the image of Santana half a meter away, obviously having matched her pace. Even with thoughts of Olivia at forefront of her mind Brittany could recognise that Santana didn't look her best.
Looking at the woman her daughter had come to adore Brittany could immediately see that she was clearly devastated with Olivia's reaction to her revelation. Brittany felt for her, she really did. She knew all too well what it was like to be on the receiving end of one of Olivia's tantrums. But Brittany could also see that Olivia's reaction was not the only thing affecting Santana. The shorter woman looked pale when she should have been flushed and she was holding a hand to her chest as if to control her breathing or the rapid beat of her heart. Brittany was sure she could see a wince of pain. "Are you ok?" Brittany asked as Santana drew level with her.
"I'm fine." Santana said quickly, her eyes wide.
Brittany frowned, "Are you sure you don't look…"
"I said, I'm fine." Santana snapped and Brittany's eyebrows flew up her forehead in surprise. Santana instantly looked apologetic and looked down at her feet, "I'm sorry; I just don't exercise…well ever. So running is a new activity to me." Brittany nodded at the words even though she didn't really believe them. Something about Santana's smile seemed off, even forced.
"If you're sure?" Santana nodded to Brittany's question, "this is my entire fault. I'm so sorry. I didn't know she would react like that, I mean we haven't known each other that long," Santana finished her sentence with a broken breath. The words and the way they were spoken causing Brittany's head to whip around.
"Don't worry about Olivia. Kids are like that, they tend to get attached…" Brittany trailed off as she looked towards the stone stairs where Olivia was now seated with a small bundle of black fur upon her lap. "Please don't apologise again, please. You have to leave right?" Santana nodded although Brittany could see that it was somewhat hesitant. "Then there is nothing you can do about it, nor should you have too. Olivia will understand that."
"I hope so."
"She will. I know she will be upset for a while, but she will get over it." Brittany looked down as she said the words, because they held a double meaning. She felt like she was mourning something. She guessed in a way she was, she was morning the loss of what could have been. While she hadn't known her for very long she was the first person in a long time she had felt some kind of connection and Santana was the first person since Pavel broke her heart that she was wanted to get to know. Only now that wouldn't happen. Brittany supposed it was typical of her luck. Fate had been screwing her over for years and it appeared like it wasn't going to stop anytime soon.
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