Author's Note: Sorry again, you guys. I don't know why this keeps happening, but I'm really glad that you haven't given up on me! But hey, now that school is done and my ankle is broken, I have a lot of time on my hands to work on this! Anyway, prepare for ultimate silliness.

….

The Accidental Menagerie

Apparently- and this is purely speculation- apparently, Norse trickster gods aren't immune to petty Earth germs. The other thing that becomes apparent in this kind of situation is that while their bodies remain completely unharmed (excusing the exhaustion, furnace-level fever and occasional nose drip), their magic gets…

Totally.

Jacked.

Up.

…

Bruce was walking by the guest room when he heard a strange moaning noise, followed by a sort of scraping sound. He backtracked his steps and drew up beside the door, waiting until the noises had repeated themselves to knock.

"Loki? Are you alright?"

"Oh thank Odin," came the tired-sounding reply. "Thor is drooling all over my arm."

"Thor is what?" Bruce asked not sure if he had heard correctly.

The doctor quickly let himself into the room, and then stopped short, utterly confused as to why there was a very large, and indeed very drool-y moose standing next to Loki's bed. The god himself looked terrible, with dark circles beneath his eyes, and a feverish layer of sweat covering his pajama-clad body. All of this was catalogued in the back of Bruce's mind however, because the majority of his attention was still understandably focused on the moose. Here. In the tower.

How?

"Wha-?"

Loki sighed, opening his eyes to cast a glance over at the moose, who was shuffling its hooves on the carpet. "My magic is behaving strangely, and acting in ways that I cannot control. Thor got too close just as I let out a particularly violent sneeze, and well… this happened," he gestured faintly to the giant mammal on his left that was currently trying to sniff around the bedside table.

"Oh."

Thor's antlers scraped along the wall when he got too close- which explained that noise- causing Loki to moan and clutch his head- which explained that noise. So now the problem was that they had a thunder god-turned-moose in one corner, and a trickster with haywire magic sneezes in the other, and Bruce had no idea what to do. He hoped that they would be able to wait out Loki's illness with no more ridiculous casualties, but "no ridiculous casualties" never usually happened when it came to the Avengers. In the meantime, the doctor thought that it would be best to call the others down so that they could work on getting Thor and his antlers into a less confined space, and try to find something to help Loki.

Just as Bruce finished addressing JARVIS to tell the others to meet him there, and indignant-looking duck waddled out of the open closet, quacking frantically.

"Oh yes," Loki said, casting a lazy glance at the ruffled bird and smirking faintly. "Anthony was there as well."

An outraged squawk was directed at the trickster.

…..

Ten minutes later, disaster struck. Bruce had gone to find Loki a glass of water and some Tylenol, hoping that it might work to lower his fever. Clint and Natasha were keeping an eye on the sick god, and holding on to Tony because he kept trying to bite people with his weird little duck mouth. He was apparently a little bit unhappy at being turned into a bird.

Bruce was just leaving the kitchen to go back to the guest room when another sneeze rattled his eardrums, which was followed immediately by a flash of green light and a whooshing noise that caused something to fly out of Loki's room and smack into the wall across the hall. The doctor ran back towards the guest room, stopping just outside the door to help the dazed-looking hawk that had flown into a wall right itself.

"Oh no," Bruce muttered. "Clint?"

The hawk looked up and nodded ever so slightly.

"Crap."

He ushered the feathery archer back into the guest room and wasn't surprised to find that another furry friend had been added to the mix. Natasha, who was now a small black cat, was sitting at the foot of the bed staring at Loki, and looking like she was trying very hard not to claw his eyes out. The trickster had the decency to look a little apologetic, although the effect was ruined by his barely-concealed laughter. Clint flew up off of the floor and perched on a branch of Thor's antler. Tony waddled out from under the bed and hopped up onto a chair beside it, before sticking his head under a wing and falling asleep.

"Now what?" Bruce asked Loki.

The god shrugged and looked at him over Natasha's ears. "I've no idea. But we have to figure something out- this damned illness is becoming very irritating."

Suddenly, a little puff of purple smoke leaked out of Loki's ears, which was apparently the prelude to magical sneezing, because all of the animals scattered (or continued to sleep, in Tony's case) to avoid what would follow it.

Three seconds, one sneeze and a flash of green light later, Bruce was a tortoise.

…..

If Steve wasn't surprised to see five animals in the place of his team mates when he walked into the guest room, it was because he had gotten a message from Tony's cellphone two hours previously that had been comprised mainly of quacking. Normally, he would ignore such a call, having learned his lesson many times over that the genius enjoyed making prank calls (and pranking in general, given the time he covered every surface in Steve's bedroom with peel-and-stick American flags), but when Loki's stuffed-up voice started reprimanding Clint for perching in the lampshade, and Natasha for rolling Bruce onto his back, and Thor for getting his antler stuck in the wall, Steve decide it was time to go home and check things out.

Which is how Captain America ended up as a golden retriever.

…..

Pepper had taken Bucky to get a haircut. He was a nice guy, and she liked to spend time with him, and they had just wanted to spend a quiet Saturday morning getting some errands done together. They did, but of course with the way things were going, the quiet had to end.

The two of them stepped out of the elevator on the common floor and were immediately greeted by a variety of strange animal noises coming from down the hall.

"Am I missing something?" Bucky asked, sending a confused glance at Pepper.

She let out a breath and set their bags down on the floor. "I don't know, but whatever that is, it probably involves a ridiculous explanation."

"Shall we?" he asked, gesturing down the hallway with a laugh.

Pepper grinned and agreed, and they walked towards the guest room with caution. Upon entering said room, a scene of utter chaos greeted the pair. There was a large hawk sitting in a lamp, poking holes in the shade with its beak, a giant moose standing in the corner with an antler and a leg stuck through the drywall, a black cat chasing a squawking duck under a chair, and a golden retriever trotting around the room with a bespectacled tortoise in its mouth. Loki was buried under the covers in the bed at the back of the room, mournfully examining his left foot, which appeared to be made of whole wheat bread.

"Well I wasn't expecting this," Pepper said.

Bucky shook his head. "Definitely not."

Loki looked up and noticed them standing at the door. "Stay back, you two. I'm still very much contagious."

"Are you feeling any better?"

"Marginally, but I can't say how long the animal spell will take to wear off of them."

"What do you mean? 'Them' who?" Bucky asked, looking around at the mess.

The golden retriever jumped up onto the bed at that moment, and Loki looked at it sharply. "Steven! How many times must I tell you: do not carry Bruce in your mouth!"

The dog lowered its head sadly and released the saliva-covered turtle onto the bedspread before jumping off to go sniff the moose.

"Bruce?" Pepper muttered, looking at the tortoise wearing small wire-framed glasses.

"Steve?" Bucky asked, incredulous.

The retriever bounded across the room and sat at his feet, tail wagging happily.

"Oh my god," Pepper said as the duck waddled over and began pulling at her pant leg with its bill. "Oh my god, Tony?"

It quacked in response.

Suddenly, Loki sneezed, and a now human Clint fell to the floor with his head stuck in the lampshade. Natasha was lying down underneath the chair, with her legs and arms sticking out the sides, Bruce was curled up at the end of the bed, trying to roll over onto his front, and Thor was trying to get his leg out of the wall. Steve was on his back, waiting for a belly scratch, and Tony was sitting on the floor at Pepper's feet, with the hem of her jeans clenched between his very human teeth.

….

Author's Note: Done and done! Hope I gave you guys a good laugh :) More to come!