Damaged goods. Socially awkward. Unable to feel.
This was why it was dangerous being around Booth. He made it seem like it was okay for her to let down her guard, made it seem okay to be vulnerable and needy.
God, what had possessed her to say something like that?
Nobody's going to fight for you. It's you against the world, Temp.
Those words came back to here with sudden clarity. A friend of hers, Sarah, had told her that. It was during one of those nights after Miguel had left, when she had needed a place to sleep. She had stumbled across a woman's shelter a few miles away and the woman on shift at the time had taken one look at her and demanded that she spend the night here and not out in the freezing cold. That was where Brennan had met Sarah. A recovering alcoholic, Sarah had told her about loosing her best friend in a car accident, about her mother leaving, about her father's drinking. Brennan, in turn, had told her about Charlie and how her parents and brother had left her.
They were, essentially, two strangers seeking some form of connection. Brennan had seen how lonely and sad Sarah was, and knew that Sarah saw the same in her. Strengthened by their mutual pessimism about the future, a tentative friendship had been sown. And then, they lost each other. Sarah had stopped showing up at the shelter; Brennan had been removed from the Jespers. There were times that Brennan wondered what had become of her friend, at least Brennan liked to believe that they were friends. She had never known Sarah's last name and the woman at the shelter had refused to give it to her. Understandable considering why most of the women ended up at the battered haven in the first place.
'Are you going to say it?' Tony's voice startled her out of her thoughts. Brennan looked around, realizing they had stopped a few feet away from the platform inside the lab. She saw the NCIS team enter her office, Gibbs striding past her towards Cam's. Booth's eyes tickled her skin and she quashed the urge to acknowledge his look, instead centering her attention towards Tony.
'Say what?' Brennan tried playing innocent.
'You and Ziva are a lot alike,' Tony started, toying with the strap of his backpack. 'You say you don't want to talk, but your eyes don't shut up.'
If she thought it was hard hiding something from Booth, it was equally as hard hiding anything from Tony or Gibbs.
'This is about G-Man over there, isn't it?' Brennan couldn't help but smile hearing the dramatic way Tony said his words. 'The man keeps thinking I'm going to conk you over the head and drag you off to have my way with you.'
'I am not surprised you went with that analogy,' Brennan commented. 'And I believe you are exaggerating.'
Tony snorted.
'It's…complicated,' Brennan offered, seeing Angela study Tony and herself out of the corner of her eye.
'It always is, isn't it?' Tony countered.
'You tell me,' Brennan answered, regarding Tony shrewdly, remembering the way Ziva and him had acted around each other. The taller man quirked an eyebrow, as if following her train of thought.
'I believe this is what many people call an impasse,' Tony remarked, smiling thinly at her.
Brennan scanned the planes of his face, trying to get a gauge on what she had missed. Kate's death had been as hard on Tony as it had been on Gibbs, more so she had imagined. Brennan herself had never known the true extent of Kate's relationship with her friend, and she had never asked. All she knew was that the potential for something had been there before Kate had been abruptly snatched away from them all.
Tony looked…older she decided. Like Gibbs, the lines on his face were more pronounced, as if all the sorrow and pain he had buried deep down had tried to manifest itself in some physical form. While the arrogant, sarcastic and playful Tony hadn't completely disappeared, the man himself seemed more subdued. He had grown, matured in a way she wished he didn't have to.
'DiNozzo, quit gawking and get the hell up here,' Gibbs barked.
'I heard that he was actually nice to all of you for a while,' Brennan said, falling into step beside Tony as they headed towards the platform where everyone had congregated. Again she felt the weight of Booth watching her.
'It was creepy,' Tony told her in a harsh whisper. 'He was going around with facial hair and asking us if we wanted hugs.' At Brennan's disbelieving look, he amended himself. 'Okay. Maybe not that nice but he actually bought us coffee. McGeek and I thought we'd entered the Twilight Zone.'
'I actually know what that means,' Brennan mentioned happily, swiping her card through the reader. It wasn't often that she understood pop culture references. Whenever she did, she admitted, it gave her a kind of secret thrill. It meant that she was normal, or at least partway towards it. Having spent years hearing others highlight how abnormal she was, it felt nice.
'Hey man,' Hodgins greeted Tony, bumping fists.
'You guys know each other?' Booth asked, sounding incredibly put out to Brennan.
'We're kinda like a package deal handsome,' Angela told him while squeezing the life out of the NCIS team. Except Gibbs, of course.
'Right this way gentlemen,' Ducky's voice made them all turn towards the entrance.
'Zack-' Brennan called out before realizing what she had said. Ignoring the quiet that had suddenly descended over the platform, she turned towards the ME. 'Ducky, do you need my help with the remains?'
Ducky gave her a sympathetic look, gently patting her on the arm. 'Mr Palmer and I will be done posthaste my dear. I'll give you a call once we're done.'
Brennan nodded her head gratefully, trying to push away the memories of Zack that were threatening to overwhelm her.
'Agent Gibbs?' Cam asked, clearing her throat.
'Yeah, we'll talk to Jenny now,' Gibbs groused, walking past a somewhat stunned Cam.
'He refers to the Director of NCIS by her first name? Wait,' Cam exclaimed, holding her hand up. 'I don't want to know.'
'Shall we wait in your office?' Ziva asked Brennan. Nodding her head, Brennan found herself next to the Israeli as they ventured towards her room.
'Agent Booth appears somewhat anxious,' Ziva murmured quietly to her. 'He keeps looking at you, and then fiddling-' Ziva paused, looking to see if she had used the correct word. At Brennan's nod, she continued. '-with his rather colourful tie. Is there something occurring between the both of you?'
Brennan simply looked at her. Ziva and her, as Tony had said, were a lot alike and Brennan often found herself engaging in silent conversations with the other woman. Their habits, the way they looked at the world was similar to such a large extent that sometimes they didn't need words to convey how they were feeling.
'Ah,' Ziva said, drawing up one side of her mouth. 'I see. These feelings, they confuse you, yes?'
Brennan merely offered her a tired half-smile.
'What are you two whispering about?' Tony demanded. 'McNosy, did you hear anything?'
'I'm not the one risking certain death by asking a trained assassin and a martial arts expert what they clearly do not wish to share,' McGee answered.
Tony paused, as if considering what McGee had just said. Face going a shade lighter, he turned to the younger NCIS agent.
'Our Mistress of Darkness is coming here as well,' Tony said between his teeth.
'Who?' Booth asked, confused. Brennan resisted the urge to jump when she felt him seat himself beside her on the couch. She ignored Ziva's knowing look as well.
'Abby Scuito. She's NCIS's forensic scientist,' Brennan explained. Booth shifted again, casually draping his hand across the back of the couch. She swore she could feel the heat of his hand against the back of her neck. If she tried to move away, she would draw attention to herself.
'It's the unholy trifecta,' Tony announced, glancing between Brennan and Ziva. His eyes narrowed. 'Hey, you guys could put on some bikinis, we'll throw in some jelly and ow, ow, ow!'
Brennan wasn't surprised to see Ziva's fist connect with Tony's gut, or hear McGee snicker in response.
She also wasn't surprised to feel Booth's fingers, hot and calloused, against her as she leaned her head back.
Tony was right. They were at an impasse.