Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. However, I do own a terrible headache right now. Ooch. That hurts!

A/N: 20,000 HITS!!! That makes for one EXTREMELY happy Chey!

Also, I am happy with the results of last chapter! I think I got about 36 or 37 reviews! And I have NOT received any flames yet! That makes me beyond happy. But I know that since I said that, someone will go and send me a crappy review now… oh well.

A little shout-out here to:

Maggie: Your review was so awesome! If I ever publish a book and you buy a million copies, I will autograph them for you! Lol. I smiled for a while from that. Much Love!

Also, I have to say, that this is a VERY VERY VERY important chapter. I ask that you do not skim over it or skip it entirely because it is by far my favorite and the best one of the story so far in my opinion.

I am sorry it took a while to get out, but I was obsessively editing and rewriting this chapter until I felt confident about it. I hope you guys like it too!

Enjoy!

Indulge Your Curiosity, Loves, with CHAPTER THIRTEEN!

"I wanna hold em like they do in Texas Plays.

Fold em let em hit me raise it baby stay with me, I love it.

Luck and intuition play the cards with Spades to start.

And after he's been hooked I'll play the one that's on his heart."

--"Poker Face" by Lady Gaga

Chapter Thirteen

BPOV

I grabbed the bags and began filling up Jet's bowls so that he wouldn't starve.

"I told you why I was here." I began. "Now why are you here?"

"Well…umm…," Edward stuttered, for the first time in all the time I had known him, he was at a loss for words. Huh. It was usually me who was rendered incoherent.

Edward rubbed the back of his neck with one of his large, pale hands, and I had the sudden urge to wrap my arms around that neck and kiss him… but now was not the time for that.

"Edward, it's okay. You don't have to tell me. It was just an innocent question, nothing meant by it." I tried to calm him. He was obviously very stressed and it was putting me on edge, too.

"No, no, Bella, it isn't that I do not want to tell you, it is just…" He ran his hand nervously through his hair again. "…I really want to tell you, believe me, I do! I just don't know if I should. I don't want to say something that will jeopardize what I have been working for and what I need. I am just not sure if I can trust myself to properly convey what has to be said… and even if I can get it out properly, will you throw it back in my face and walk away or will you listen and accept it…?" The words were rushed, coming out at a speed that required me to stop everything just so I could listen closely in order understand the stream of words tumbling from his irresistible lips.

"Edward, Edward, Edward." I repeated until he released his hair from the death grip it was in and looked at me.

When his eyes met mine, I gasped at the emotions swirling there. Guilt, remorse, fear, worry, and pain along with other intense emotions were present in his brilliant topaz eyes, shining bright for me to see.

Even though I was suppose to be mad at him, I couldn't stop the pain I felt. No angel should ever be tortured as the one before me was. It just was not allowable. I wished, more than anything, that I could take the angel's pain and cast it on myself.

"Bella, if I was to ask you to do something for me, would you do it?" Edward asked hesitantly.

I instantly became wary, my poker face going up. No, he can't read my poker face. At least, I hoped that he couldn't read it. My face had always been so revealing of my emotions, but I had improved. Now it was time to see if I could pull it off.

"Depends…" I answered, sitting on top of a fold-out chair near where Jet was eagerly chomping away at his Kibbles-N-Bits.

"It isn't anything much. And it requires nothing at all from you except for about ten minutes of your time and for you to listen to what I have to say, no interruptions, and you must listen to all of it. I do not expect you to say or contribute anything; I just want you to listen." Edward pleaded with me, his bottom lip jutting out in the most adorable way and his eyes, swimming with vibrant emotions, implored me to listen to what he had to say.

Damn he was good.

How could anyone say no to him when he did that? It would be like a grandmother denying her grandchild candies and sweeties.

In fear that my poker face would slip as soon as I opened my mouth, I resorted to nodding.

A look of relief washed over Edward's features, replacing the pain with a look of determination. The guilt and remorse were still there, but they were duller than they had previously been.

"Where to begin?" He mused, fiddling with the sheet draped over the large piano. I briefly wondered if he would play for me.

"Start wherever you feel the need to. You have ten minutes of my time, right?" I joked.

"Ten minutes? I did say that didn't I?" He cracked a smile. "I guess I should hurry up then."

I wanted to tell him that the ten minutes were meaningless, that I would listen if he spoke for ten hours and that I wasn't keeping track of the time, but I couldn't open my mouth and voice my thoughts because he had begun to speak.

"The night of your birthday, things were great between us. I was finally starting to believe that maybe, just maybe, I would be strong enough to resist your blood for the rest of your life, to be strong enough to be around you without hurting you." Edward looked down at his hands. "But, of course, it didn't work out like I had hoped. It never works out like I originally plan! Like tonight, I was coming here to prepare this place so that it would be presentable for me to talk to you in. But now we are here and talking and the place is not presentable and this didn't turn out how I had planned! It is unnerving the amount of times my meticulous plans have fallen through. I wanted this to be perfect, but no such luck." He sighed loudly, running a hand through his tousled hair.

"But on your birthday, just one little slip up, just one drop of blood, and my family and I—with the exception of Carlisle, as usual—instantly lost the little control we had, endangering your life! Bella, if I hadn't held my breath and jumped in front of Jasper, I shudder to even think of the outcome in that scenario! I… I didn't know what to do. I panicked! The only coherent thoughts that entered my brain were focused on your safety. So I continued holding my breath, afraid that if I moved one, solitary muscle that I would loose all control and end your life. I couldn't—no, forget that—I would not live with myself if you had died by my hand. And to think that the deplorable creature that I am would have enjoyed, if only for a moment, the sensation of your blood flowing down my throat…" Edward suddenly coughed, his eyes wide.

"Sorry, that was a little… graphic. I am just getting a little too carried away." He glanced away, clearly embarrassed.

"Don't be sorry." I told him.

"But Bella…"

"No, Edward. It is your nature—who you are—to do those things. The fact that you try to resist is a miracle in itself. These pigs here don't even try. They have hunting parties to go out and round up humans like they are cattle or sheep. It is truly disturbing. Believe me when I tell you that nothing you say will offend me." I comforted him, encouraging Edward to continue.

"I still don't understand your absolute lack of self-preservation and caring when it comes to dangers such as myself." Edward chuckled darkly, shaking his head.

"Well, your ten minutes are wasting away so you might want to say something instead of sitting there." I teased him, tapping my wrist, pretending to look at a non-existent watch.

Wait for it…

…wait for it…

…there it is!

Edward smiled his heart-breaking crooked smile that I had been searching for.

"As I was saying, that incident made me realize just how much danger we were putting you in by hanging around you. If we hadn't left when we did, I am positive that there would have been another slip up and it might not have ended up as… safely as the last one did. I couldn't risk your safety. Even if it killed me to leave you, I needed to do it." He sighed. "I needed to protect you."

My anger at him flared up again, all of the previous teasing feelings fled my body.

Even if it killed him?

I stood up and walked over to the piano bench he was sitting on. "Edward Cullen!" I all but screamed at his face. I would probably regret this later. "You were worried that leaving might kill you? What about me? Did you ever, for once, pause and think about how your departure would effect me? Because, let me tell you, I came pretty damn close to killing myself multiple times because I couldn't stand not having you around. I couldn't stand the fact that you had said that you didn't love me. And I could NOT stand the fact that I had just been a damnable distraction that you decided to indulge, for a short while, until you got bored of playing human." I fumed, tears streamed down my face uncontrollably.

"Bella, please." He looked slightly scared. Good. It was about time we turned the tables.

"No Edward. Listen to me. Now, I am aware that I might have just been a hiccup in your long existence, but you were the most important thing to happen to me in my short existence. Now you can tell me all those things that you told me in the woods again, be my guest, but please do not pull out your self-sacrificing act on me because I will not buy it." I said, trying my best not to break down even further. This conversation was going to literally kill me.

"Bella, please hear me out. That is all I am asking. Please, just for a few more minutes." He pleaded, his expression was one of extreme pain and sorrow.

I would listen to him. My body gave me no choice.

"Fine." I turned and walked back to my previous seat and sat back down, waiting for him to continue.

"Where was I? Oh, right." Edward cleared his throat. "I could not lose you so I left and I am so sorry for it. I realize now that my leaving did you no good. Your friends busted into large wolves, Victoria turned out to be a tattle-tale and ran off and squealed about your knowledge of vampires existences to the Voltouri which, inevitably, landed you in this hell-hole. And now they have you running missions to kill newborns. This isn't the type of life you deserve. You were meant to have something so much better because you are far more superior in heart, soul, and purity than any one else could ever dream of achieving."

Edward stood up and walked over to me, slowly, before he raised a cool hand to my cheek, wiping away the tears. "Don't cry. Angels should not cry."

"Angels?" I scoffed.

"I should have figured that your view of yourself was still skewed. Will anyone ever be able to show you just how beautiful you truly are?" He sighed, his cool breath fanning over my wet face, sending chills through my body.

"There was a time, and a person, who once made me feel beautiful and wanted. But that time has passed and now I just feel used."

The pain on his face became more apparent as he pulled away for a second, gauging my expression. He studied me for only a second before pulling me into a hug. His stone arms wrapped firmly around my waist and pulled me as close as possible—without crushing me—to his unyielding body.

It was pure bliss.

I had longed for his touch, his hugs, his smiles, and his kisses for the past five years and now, he was touching me, hugging me, I had glimpsed his smile earlier, too, I was just waiting for a kiss to feel complete again. Of course, I would never receive what I longed for. He made it painfully clear, that day five years ago, that he held none of the same feelings for me as I did for him. I needed to get out of here. I couldn't let myself begin to hope and it all turn out for naught. At the same time, I couldn't bring myself to leave his stony embrace. I just didn't have any willpower left.

"You have no idea how sorry I am for the incredibly rash decisions I have made. If I were to do your every bidding, every day, for the rest of my pitiful existence, it would never be enough to atone for the many ways I have wronged, and hurt you. You need to believe me when I tell you that everything that left my mouth that day, was utterly ridiculous and a lie. You are much too trusting for your own good, love." He chuckled as I stiffened.

…love…

"No." I whispered, fighting against his arms, trying to free myself from his embrace.

"No!" I said again with a little more force.

"What's wrong?" Edward asked. He pulled away resting his hands on my shoulders.

I shook my head quickly back and forth, making myself dizzy.

"I can't help if you don't let me know what the problem is, Bella." He pleaded.

"I can't trust what you are saying." I glanced up to see Edward's face contort in pain. "You claim that you were lying five years ago when you left me and that you didn't mean all of it. Well, that just proves that you are a liar. But now you want me to readily accept that what you are saying right now is the truth and you just expect me to believe you, no questions asked? It isn't that easy. You can't just waltz back into my life, dazzle me, and expect everything to go back to where we left off. I am sorry Edward but I don't believe you."

We just sat there for a minute in silence, staring into each other's eyes.

"I want to believe you, I truly do. You have to understand that I may have been gullible and accepted your every word before, but I can assure you that will not happen again. Self-sacrificing Bella is gone. Now, I am trying to look out for my own well being. And right now, I am trying to protect myself from being subjected to your little 'let's play human' game before it is too late and I end up like I did last time… crushed, used, and forgotten." I looked away from him.

"Sorry cannot even begin to cover what needs to be apologized for Bella." Edward stated. His velvet voice was rough and tortured.

"You are right. I am not sure if I can forgive you even if you did, somehow, find a way to apologize for it all." I answered. Surely his ten minutes were up.

"Edward, I think we have said too much and gotten no where. I am exhausted and I would like nothing more than to go to sleep right now. So if you will excuse me, I am going to go back to my room right now and take a nice long nap. Good night Edward." I pushed him away from me and walked out of the room as quickly as I could, stumbling a few times.

Do not look back, do not look back, I became my mantra as I chanted it over and over in my head.

But, as usual, I looked back one last time before I exited the building and what I saw broke my heart all over again.

Edward was standing in the at the entrance to the orchestra pit, his god-like face broken and tormented with the pain of a thousand fallen angels. His shoulders were shaking violently from the tearless, broken sobs that wracked his body.

I was going to hell for this. No one made angels cry.

So I did what I always did…

I turned around and ran.

I ran faster than I ever had before in my life.

Miraculously, I was able to make it to my room and shut the door—without tripping—before I broke down sobbing.

Why couldn't he have just let me be? It wasn't that much to ask for. Just some peace and quiet and I would have been able to pretend that I was fine for a while longer.

Instead, Edward had to go and try to talk to me about things that I had never wanted to hear again.

Why did I not listen to the little voice inside me earlier and refused to listen to Edward? It would have been so easy.

They say that curiosity killed the cat, and I am just now realizing how true that is.

The only difference is that I am not dead. I am sitting here reaping the pain of what I brought on myself.

A light knock on my door alerted me to someone's presence.

"Just a moment." I croaked, dragging my tired body off of the cool ground and into the bathroom. I splashed some cool water on my puffy face and red-rimmed eyes. I was the epitome of beauty right now. Not.

I wiped off my face and walked out of the bathroom and opened my door.

"Hello?" I called, sticking my head out into the hallway. Huh. There was no one there. Maybe Felix or Demitri decided to play something like ding-dong-ditch.

Immature vampires.

When I turned around, there was a tall figure leaning against my bed. I screamed.

"Shh… it is fine, Bella. It is just me." A velvety voice soothed me from the shadows.

My fear was quickly replaced with hurt and anger.

"I don't want to talk Edward, incase I didn't get that point across earlier." I hissed at him.

The audacity of the boy to come into my room and expect me to be civil with him!

"You promised that you would hear me out, and I fully intend to finish what I started." He whispered from his position by the bed.

He had me there. I had told him I would listen, and I don't tend to break my promises.

I shut the door behind me, walked silently over to the bed, and turned on a bed side lamp. I could feel Edward's gaze following me the entire time but I refused to meet his eyes.

I sat down on the opposite edge of the bed from where he stood.

"Okay Edward. I will listen but only because I promised." I whispered, still refusing to look at him.

I felt the bed sag on the other side as he sat down. There was a moment of silence before he scooted over until he was an arms length away from me.

"I need you to understand something Bella." He said. "I never meant for you to feel any pain from my departure. I expected you to easily get over it and move on like you were meant to. I mean, you are human so I could not in a million years believe that your feelings for me ran just as deep as mine did for you. I figured that it was just a slight infatuation that would dissipate over time. But I can see that I was wrong in that assumption. Since I cannot read your mind, I have no clue just what goes through your head and the magnitude of your feelings. If I had…" He sighed.

"How could you doubt me?" I questioned, hurt that his trust in me was so low. "I mean, after all I had accepted about you, after everything we went through just to be together, how could you ever, for one moment, doubt my feelings for you?"

"I was an incompetent, thick skulled, bastard and I fully deserve any sort of blame that you want to cast upon me. It was just that I have been reading human's minds for nearly a century and I like to pride myself in the fact that I know the way the human mind works. I never expected for an insignificant human (no offense) to be able to feel the same as a vampire felt. When we are changed, it isn't just our strength and speed that is magnified. Our emotions are increased ten-fold. Do you think that it was easy for me to believe that you could possibly feel the same about me as I felt about you?" He sighed and ran his hand through his hair again.

"Yes, Edward. I expect that." I told him bluntly.

"How? Why do you think I should have been able to believe that when I had hundreds of other hormonal human teenagers walking around, further convincing me that you did not truly love me as deeply as I loved you?" He looked directly at me.

"Easy." I answered. "It is called trust. It is crucial to every relationship that has ever been successful. You have to trust that the other person loves you as much as you love them. You have to trust that they will be there for you like you will be there for them. And you have to be able to trust them with everything. You. Have. To. Trust." I enunciated each word to get my point across. "Until you can learn to trust, there is no way that anyone will be able to work with you, get close to you, or even love you. You make it impossible because you try to hide things and then feed me some shit along the lines of 'it is nothing you need to worry about' or some B.S. like that!" My voice was rising with each word I spoke. I needed to take a deep breath to calm myself.

"I did trust you, I do trust you!" Edward exclaimed. "It is me that I don't trust!"

"Explain that." I demanded.

"I don't trust myself to be able to suppress my instincts enough to be around you…"

"Edward! I have been living with the Voltouri for how long?" I snapped. "And they drink human blood! I have only ever been snapped at once and it was by a guest! If the Voltouri can control their instincts around me then I have no doubt in my mind that you can too. I think that you are just making excuses." I fiddled with the fringe on the comforter of the bed.

"Making excuses? You have to believe me…" He was starting to get louder, frustration seeping into his musical voice.

"And now we are back to the trust issue." I pointed out, cutting him off.

"So we are." He sighed, rubbing his face with vigor.

"Can I go to sleep now Edward or are you still not done?" I was dead tired and I was probably going to fall asleep really soon.

A glance at my clock informed me that it was a quarter till four in the morning. Almost a day without sleep.

"Just a minute more. I need you to understand one last thing." He told me.

"Alright but make it snappy." My tiredness was making me act bitchy.

"I need you to understand that the pain from our separation was not one sided. I felt an immense amount of pain too! But because I was able to delude myself into believing that this was best for you and that I could survive without you, I stayed away. It was the single hardest thing I have ever done. It was even harder that resisting your blood!" Edward said, his emotion thick in his voice.

"I was in an immense amount of pain. I wanted nothing more than to go back to you, to hold you in my arms. My family was falling apart. I was miserable, which made Jasper feel the same, and then it would leak out to everyone else. Our house was not a happy place to be. Carlisle stopped working at a hospital, Esme didn't even try to redecorate the house and Alice didn't shop nearly as much as she had before." Edward let out a pathetic, sad, little laugh at that.

"If Alice not shopping doesn't prove that we were miserable, then I don't know what will." He sighed.

"But when we got here, when I saw you again, my family is smiling again and acting like a family again for the first time in five years. Their thoughts are happier than I have heard in a while. You need to understand that it isn't just me that you have enchanted. My entire family is under your spell! I think Rosalie is even warming up to you!" Edward grasped my hands in his, squeezing them lightly.

The Cullens couldn't possibly need me that much. They were just fine before I came along.

"Bella… we need you. I need you!" Edward pleaded. "What do you say?"

"I-I don't know." I stuttered. "This is too much at once. I don't know what to believe. Part of me really wants to believe what you are saying! But another part of me is sending up warning flares and screaming 'Danger!'"

Edward nodded sadly, understanding what I was saying. He looked away, searching my room. I felt his hands rip from my grasp, surprising me.

What was he doing?

Edward put his hands on either side of my face and looked into my eyes for a moment, studying them closely as though he is looking for something.

He must have found what he was looking for because he smiled slightly.

"Remember that discussion on trust?" He asked.

"Yes…"

"Do you trust me, Bella?"

Where was he going with this? I immediately became wary, worried of what he was going to do.

"Of course." I finally answered.

Edward smiled again before pulling away from me and tugging his shirt off. Oh my… I had to be dreaming! Edward sat before me, chiseled chest and all, smiling brilliantly at me.

"I need you to put your hands on my chest." He commended with an air of authority in his voice. I was dazzled beyond comprehension right now. I simply raised my hands to his cool chest and ran my finger tips over his toned abs. He was still as flawless as I remembered.

"What is the point of this?" I squeaked out, my voice unsteady.

"That thing you did with Alice the other day, when you found her Mark and found that it was connected to Jasper's, well, I want you to do that to me." He said with conviction as though he was certain that he would be connected to me.

"But Edward, I am human, I don't have a Mark." I protested trying to get him to back out. In truth, I was the coward. I was scared of what would happen if he was connected to me. What would I do then?

"Well, I am a vampire so problem solved." He smirked as though the answer was blatantly obvious.

"Edward…"

"Isabella. Find my Mark." He commanded.

I realized that I would lose this argument so I complied with a simple nod of my head.

Tearing my eyes away from his marvelous chest, I looked into his topaz eyes, making sure that there was no doubt there.

I saw nothing but determination and love.

Here goes nothing…

I closed my eyes and allowed myself to connect to the strength that coursed through his veins. It was an awesome thing to behold. The feeling of all of his strength, right beneath my fingers sent tingles up my arms and through my body. I concentrated on the flow of the strength, allowing my hands to follow the intricate path it weaved.

As my hands slowly made their way across Edward's torso, he let out a soft groan from, what I assumed to be pleasure from my touch. That thought made me smirk as I continued following the path.

I could feel the strength increasing as I neared his Mark.

A surge of strength spread through my body as my hand landed directly over his Mark, which, as his family's had been, was over his heart. The strength emanated from his dead heart and surged forward, from his body, in an invisible life line…

…that connected to me.

I gasped, pulling away quickly, breaking the connection I had with him.

"You… you… you were connected to me. That doesn't… I can't understand it." I struggled to get out.

"Tell me what it felt like." He whispered with nothing but love in his voice.

"It was indescribable. I have never felt a Mark as strong or as connected as yours. It was… incredible." I couldn't properly convey what I had just experienced to him.

"Now do you believe me?" He questioned, looking deeply into my eyes. "Do you believe that I cannot live without you? That you are my life in every sense of the word?"

"Yes." And I wasn't lying. His Mark could not lie. Words? Yes. His body? No.

"Thank you." He whispered simply, placing a chaste kiss on my forehead.

The feel of his lips on my skin was so extraordinary. I closed my eyes and sighed in contentment.

"Edward?"

"Yes, Bella?"

"May I do that again?" I asked, easily becoming addicted to the way his Mark made me feel.

"Of course, love. You may do that whenever. It felt amazing." He replied, wrapping his arms around my waist as I placed my hands back onto his chest.

I found his Mark quickly this time. I had already become attuned to it. We sat there for a few moments, basking in the comfortable, familiar silence that surrounded us.

"Bella…" Edward whispered. "You need to sleep." He pulled his arms away from my waist and bent down in front of me so that he could pull off my shoes.

"Don't leave." I told him, lying back onto the bed and curling up under the comforter.

He smiled his crooked smile, looking truly happy. "As you wish." He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled my body tightly against his chest.

"Goodnight, Edward."

"Goodnight, Bella. I love you." Edward smiled into my hair.

And for the first time in five years, I was happy. Completely and totally happy.

"I love you, too." I whispered, the words ringing true in my heart as they left my lips.

A/N: Ah! How did you like it??? I hope it was good enough for you!

Quote Hunt time:

The quote is from Lady Gaga. Go find it!!

Remember, you will receive a quote from the next chapter when you review!

Much love (and a happy Bella and Edward)!

Chey