Chapter 10

Why did I ever think this was a good idea?

Robin sat nursing his brandy on a table by himself in a bar full of strangers. There were two people he knew from the canine division but he barely knew more about them than the name of their dog. Aside from that, the most company Robin had that night was from the strong, dark liquid swirling in the bottom of his glass.

"Why should I sit getting pissed on my own in a public place when I could be sitting, getting pissed on my own in the comfort of my own home?"

He felt like an idiot for even trying to make an effort. It wasn't as though he even really felt like it. He was about the lowest he had ever felt in his life. He knew that Simon was slowly losing his grip on life and that Kim's words from a few weeks before were going to haunt him eternally. He had very little left. This was not how he had ever envisaged spending his 32nd birthday, he knew that much for certain.

He looked at the clock, even though the time never changed for him. From what he heard other people saying it was getting on for half past eight. He supposed this really was it, two twats he didn't even really know and a strange voodoo doll of Geoff that he'd fashioned from a couple of beer mats. He thought Alex at least would be there. She was supposed to have arrived around eight, where was she? He knew he'd talked her into it, perhaps he'd done the wrong thing. She really didn't seem to want to go.

He downed the last of his brandy and spread his hands on the table, staring at his fingers as though they were going to offer some kind of conversation. He was about to grab his jacket, concede defeat and head home when the door opened and he looked up to see Alex enter rather sheepishly. Immediately his face lit up and his spirits brightened. He stood up perhaps a little too fast after all the brandy and weaved his way over to her, stopping in surprise as Gene followed her through the doorway.

"Alex, I'm so glad you made it!" he said, unsure quite how to address Gene after his reluctance to give Robin a firm answer that morning.

"I'm so sorry we're late," Alex said as she hugged Robin warmly, "someone couldn't decide which route to take," she threw a mild glare at Gene over her shoulder.

"Would have been easier if someone else had let me reads the map meself," Gene threw back as he approached Robin who seemed to panic a little.

"I don't have to hug you as well, do I?" he asked, still unable to completely forgive Gene for the comment about being 'lesbians in law' and the whole eyeliner debacle some months previously.

"Excuse you, dogface," Gene cried, "I'm not the one parked on Rainbow Road!" he thrust an object with screwed up gaudy paper wrapped around it at Robin. "Here. Happy birthday, Batman."

With a slightly suspicious expression Robin took the object. His suspicion quickly found itself justified as the paper fell away revealing a wooden spoon. He frowned and turned it around in his hands.

"Jesus, thanks Gene," he eyed him warily, "this certainly is… a spoon."

"You're always buried knee deep in pots and pans so thought you could make use of this," Gene told him.

"Make use of my own spoon, that I was looking for last night and seemed to have mysteriously gone walkabouts?" Robin narrowed his eyes at Gene, "yes, I'm sure I can."

"Don't worry, he's always doing this," Alex said, looking somewhat annoyed.

"And that's supposed to put my mind at rest?!" Robin cried, staring at the used spoon.

"Forget about the spoon," Alex said as she passed him another object, "Open mine."

"And I'll get the birthday boy something to numb the pain," Gene offered, "What's it going to be?"

Robin blinked.

"You're getting me in a round?" he asked incredulously.

"Course I am," said Gene. He held out his palm, "as long as you contribute a tenner."

Robin groaned, his spirits sinking further with every moment that passed.

"I liked it better when no one was here," he mumbled, reaching into his pocket and pulling out his wallet. Grudgingly he handed Gene a ten pound note. "Brandy," he said, better make it a double."

Alex watched Gene leave to head to the bar, then nodded back at Robin's table where some empty glasses already sat.

"How many of those have you had already?" she asked, feeling concerned. Robin had the good grace to look a little sheepish.

"Just a couple," he said, biting his lip, "…if a couple means four."

"Oh, Robin," Alex sighed.

"It's just one night," Robin said quietly. "It's not like I'm on a booze marathon. I'm just feeling down." He glanced around, "not exactly a grand turn-out, is it?"

Alex rubbed his arm sympathetically.

"People are still feeling a little awkward about going out socially," she bluffed, "after the explosions. Things have been strange."

"Yeah, don't I know it," sighed Robin. The expression on his face made Alex's heart sink and she almost couldn't bear it. Scared for his oldest friend, shunned by the people he loved, Robin was alone and depressed.

"Open your present," Alex said gently and pointed to the gift that Robin was still holding, he smiled gratefully and lifted it between them.

"OK," he said quietly with a smile. He began to tear away the paper, revealing beneath it a silver plated frame with a photograph of his mysteriously appearing dog within it. Finally he gave a genuine smile. "Cassandra."

"I got one of your officers to take it for me," Alex smiled, "The frame is the proper present but I hate giving empty frames."

"I get that," Robin nodded. He looked at Alex with a smile and gave her a one-armed hug with the frame still in the other hand. "It's lovely. Thanks, Alex."

"You're welcome," Alex smiled as Gene returned, drink in hand.

"Here you go, Batman," he said, "celebrate the onslaught of more wrinkles."

Robin frowned.

"What do you mean more?!" he panicked, feeling his almost-smooth brow for the non-existent wrinkles of which Gene spoke. He scowled and took the drink. "I'll bloody be needing this with you on the scene," he said as he took the glass back to his table.

Alex frowned at Gene.

"Where's mine?" she demanded.

"Your what?"

"My drink."

"I didn't know what you wanted," he said, sounding surprisingly unsure of himself. It saddened and worried Alex to see him still so indecisive and it just wasn't right. She bit her lip and tried to change the subject. She had already upset him by having a go for getting them los on the way and wanted to at least make an effort to stay civil.

"Poor Robin," she said.

What did I do now?" Gene demanded, "aside from overcharging him for his brandy and pointing out that he was over the hill."

"No, not that," Alex sighted, "look at this place, Gene. It's full of strangers. No one's made an effort."

"He didn't give us much time," Gene pointed out.

"We made it. Where's everyone else?" Alex shook her head, "I know that… things…" she swallowed, "are still affecting people. But there's no need to keep avoiding him."

"What are those pretty lips flapping about now?" Gene demanded.

"People avoid him, Gene," Alex hissed, "they know what happened to him and they don't know how to cope with it so they go out of their way not to talk to him."

"I haven't seen a big empty space round him where his Jimbo-cooties keep the world at bay," Gene said, panicking slightly about the fact that he'd mentioned Keats's name.

Alex looked at him sadly.

"You haven't seen much of anything lately," she said, a coldness in her eyes.

Gene looked down. He felt his chest growing tight with a mix of anxiety and depression. He swallowed as he thought back over the last two months and how dark they had been, for all of them. He stared at Robin, nursing the drink Gene had just furnished him with, still sitting alone despite himself and Alex arriving. It was wrong. It wasn't right at all. This wasn't a Fenchurch East celebration. What the hell was wrong with them all? He felt a surge of panic for the decision he was making but blocked it out to go with his instinct.

"Keep me chair warm, Alex," he told her.

Alex glanced around. They were still standing up.

"Which chair exactly?" she frowned.

"Any one that takes yer pick," Gene told her as he took a stride towards the door.

"Wait," Alex panicked slightly at being left alone, "where are you going?"

Gene glanced back.

"To get reinforcements," he said.

~xXx~

The combined office was surprisingly full considering it was evening, but there was much work to catch up on so it wasn't that unusual. No one was that surprised to see Gene wandering in but they were surprised by what he had to say.

"Do none of you have anything better to do on a Wednesday night?"

The office fell silent as they turned to see his somewhat annoyed expression. Terry froze with a dart in his hand, mid-throw.

"Sorry Guv? He asked.

Gene plucked the dart from his fingers and chucked it indiscriminately at the dart board on the back of the door, narrowly missing the bullseye.

"You all appear to have failed to notice that one of us is celebrating his birthday today," he announced loudly, "Now, since it's not like you all to miss a night of booze and debauchery I can only assume that you all went deaf in the explosion and didn't hear yer invitation." He noticed several people starting to look uncomfortable at his words, "because I can't think of any other reason you'd miss the chance to get pissed up and let yet hair down." He turned his scowl to another victim. "Want to tell me why you're holding yer own tournament here when there's a perfectly good dartboard in the bar?" he asked Bammo.

"Erm," Bammo hesitated, "Not got any booze money 'til next week, guv."

"Really?" Gene hesitated. He felt violently sick as he thought about the action he was about to take. It was something abhorrent to his nature, but he fought the urge to vomit, took out his wallet and extracted a five pound note. "Here," he thrust it at Bammo, "Take this and get one in for the birthday boy." He issued further notes to Terry and Poirot, "and these. Brandies. Doubles. By the time I get there I want to see Batman so inebriated that the only way he'd be more legless is if he turned into a snake." He turned and walked across to Marci. "Nicey Spice. What's your excuse?"

Marci glanced at the uncomfortable expression on Jake's face. She knew she hadn't been invited and she knew why.

"I'm, uh," she cleared her throat, "I'm just finishing up these papers with Jake."

"They'll still be there in the morning," Gene held out a five pound note but she shook her head.

"I don't need money, Guv, I just can't go," she said.

"I see," Gene held his jaw firm. "And yer staple-loving pal Eddie," He wasn't sure if he'd said the right thing as he watched her face fall.

"Yes?"

"If he was still here, where would be he right now?" Gene asked.

Marci looked down. She knew the answer to that.

"First one at the bar, Guv," she mumbled.

"So where do you think he'd want you to be?"

Marci hesitated. She glanced at Jake. Despite his own feelings he gave her an awkward smile and nodded, and her own expression relaxed a little.

"At the bar," she said quietly.

Gene nodded and held the fiver closer.

"Got it in one, Spice."

Marci smiled, looking a little tearful. Eddie was always the first one up for a night out. She took the money and stood up.

"Thanks, Guv," she said quietly as she thrust the note in her pocket and grabbed her coat.

Gene's stare turned to Shaz.

"Ahh, Sergeant Granger –" he began, but the sight of Marci heading to the bar was all the incentive Shaz needed.

"On my way, Guv," she said, trotting at pace after her friend.

This was going better than expected. Finally Gene turned to Jake who was doing a very good job of pretending that he wasn't standing beside him, his emptying wallet looming large.

"Alright, Dawson, how much is it going to take to get you to take a night off from paperwork and get one in for the Dogmeister instead?"

Jake didn't look up. He didn't dare. He needed to stay focused.

"I can't, Guv," he said simply.

"The others said that too," Gene indicated the empty office, "all changed their minds."

"But I really can't," Jake insisted, "this paperwork is way late, Guv. Now Marci's gone, there's only me working on it and it's got to be complete by Friday if we want to get things rolling."

Gene looked at the paperwork. Jake really had been working hard on the damn thing. Despite Gene's stance on paperwork he knew that for some reason Jake seemed to like it and if it meant he got out of doing any himself all the better.

"Alright, Dawson," he said, "since you've got a boner for red tape you might as well keep going."

Jake closed his eyes momentarily, sighing with relief

"Thanks, Guv," he said, not ready to face Robin yet. The therapy session had made him think about exactly how much he was distancing himself from others, but it was different where Robin was concerned. There was a reason for that.

Gene surveyed the near-empty office with a satisfied nod.

"Me work here is done" he said.

~xXx~

Gene felt uncharacteristically sheepish as he entered the bar and peered around the door to see Alex sitting alone at a table, looking a little lost and nervous. When she saw him she got to her feet and hurried in his direction, taking in the changed scene around her as myriad familiar faces drank, smoked, talked and danced. She glanced at Robin who was dancing to some Danni Minogue track with Marci and Shaz and then turned to Gene, trying to suppress a smile.

"They've been filtering in for the last fifteen minutes," she told him, "what did you say to them?"

Gene raised an eyebrow.

"Don't know, Bolly. Maybe they had their fill of paperwork for one night." He stopped talking as he realised he'd let out the B word unintentionally and looked cautiously at Alex. She seemed a little uncomfortable but didn't say anything. "Birthday boy looks happier."

"That might be the three double brandies he's just poured down his neck," Alex commented, raising an eyebrow. She looked around. "Where's Jake?"

"Getting friendly with the Marler case, last I saw," Gene told her.

"Why isn't he here?

"You heard, B-Alex, slave to the paperwork."

"Oh, bollocks he is," Alex sighed, grabbing her jacket, "you didn't believe that, did you?"

"Excuse me for not dragging him down to the interview rooms to carry out the interrogation in full!" Gene cried, "where are you going?"

"To see if I can manage to drive a wedge between Jake and his paperwork," Alex told him. She held out her hand. "Keys."

Gene stared at her.

"Did I hear that right?"

"Yes. Keys."

"Which keys would those be?"

"The ones to your Aston Martin."

"I might have trouble making me mind up these days but I haven't lost me marbles."

"Gene, put it this way; keys in my hand, tomorrow night you can take me out for a proper drink. No keys in my hand, tomorrow night you can watch Robin baking cakes and doing impressions of Cassandra in heat."

Gene stared at Alex. He pulled his mouth into a straight line as he thought it over until finally he reached into his pocket.

"You drive a hard bargain. DCI Drake," he told her as he placed the keys crossly into her palm.

She threw back a smile.

"A wise decision, Gene," she said.

~xXx~

The office was so quiet and empty that Jake was considering singing a round of All By Myself. A few months ago he'd have probably been out with Marci for a quick drink and a dance but no one partied any more. Not since the explosions. Well, not until that night, apparently. He stared out at the empty desks and chairs. Everyone else was at Robin's birthday now.

"Looks like it's just you and me," he told his crusty little computer as he switched on the monitor and waited for it to warm up. There were footsteps approaching but he didn't quite register them at first. When they came close enough that he had no choice but to notice them he looked up in surprise at the sight of Alex approaching.

"Ma'am," he frowned, "are you looking for DCI Hunt? Because he left a while ago…"

"No, Jake, it was you I came to see," Alex smiled pleasantly but Jake looked a little unnerved.

"W-why?" he asked.

Alex pulled out a chair and sat down carefully, trying not to disturb the papers that surrounded them.

"Why aren't you at Robin's birthday drinks?" she asked.

Jake swallowed, trying to cover up his nerves.

"Oh, this case," he looked away and vaguely indicated some notes, "so much work to get through and I'm on my own…" he swallowed again, "besides, everyone else is there, I won't be missed."

"You will by Robin," Alex told him and notes that he wouldn't catch her eye. She tapped her fingers lightly against the desk. "He could do with some company tonight."

"Marci and Shaz are there," Jake said awkwardly, "I thought you would have been too."

"I was," said Alex, "but I had to make a quick trip out to find someone he'd rather spend the evening with." She wondered if she was overstepping the mark but it was breaking her heart to see Robin so down and lonely. "Jake, I know what happened between you and Robin. On election night."

A slightly horrified glance travelled in her direction.

"I see the Fenchurch East gossip circuit is alive and well," he said, feeling his face starting to redden.

"No one was gossiping," Alex promised him, "Robin told me."

"Great," sighed Jake, "that must have been a fun conversation."

"He's hurt, Jake," Alex pushed him, "you've been treating him like a stranger since that night." She watched Jake drop his head, "I've watched you avoiding him. You won't even talk to him and he doesn't know what he's done wrong."

"He hasn't done anything wrong," Jake mumbled, shuffling papers to distract himself from the subject.

"So why are you behaving this way?" Alex asked quietly. She watched as Jake shook his head slowly. "If you've changed your mind… if you just get carried away that night then isn't it better for you to be honest with him than to keep him hanging on?"

"It's not that," Jake said sadly.

"Then what is it?"

Jake gave a very long, heavy sigh before he finally glanced back at her.

"Well, she's back," he mumbled, "isn't she?"

"Who?"

"The girlfriend."

Suddenly Alex felt her stomach flutter.

"You mean Kim?" she asked softly and Jake nodded. "You are aware that she's at Fenchurch West? And that she's closed down her relationship with Robin?"

"Yeah, right, that's going to last," Jake said a little childishly, "Ma'am, look, I've heard him talking about her. I've heard other people talking about them. He's been pining away over her. Sooner or later she's going to realise that she's made a mistake and they're going to get back together. I don't want to end up dropped like an old sock. I don't wasn't to be a rebound thing."

"Robin doesn't see you that way," Alex said quietly, "And it's not my place to say… but his relationship with Kim isn't that straightforward. I'm sure he's told you that she's not usually his type…?" he nodded slowly. "Robin… feels a connection with you. He's very fond of you. He wants to get to know you better. That's not going to be at the expense of his relationship with Kim. And if she were to… change her mind… which," she swallowed, her heart heavy, "doesn't look likely… that wouldn't mean he would feel differently about you… although I know that this might not be what you're looking for in a relationship… it's not for everyone…."

"You liked it well enough," Jake commented before he realised he'd just potentially completely insulted a superior , "Shit, sorry –"

"Now who's being mentioned on the gossip circuit?" Alex raised an eyebrow, but she was more amused by Jake's red face that she was insulted. She found herself surprised that she wasn't more offended that there was gossip going around about herself and Kim. She suspected that most people didn't believe it anyway. "Jake, listen to me. Take Kim out of the equation right now. You're depriving yourself of the opportunity to get to know a really lovely person, whether that's as a friend or a boyfriend or anything in between. You're shutting yourself away, you're avoiding Robin, you've stopped socialising, you don't even talk to Marci or Shaz very much. In fact, I can't remember the last time you spoke to anyone."

Jake looked away, the words of the therapist ringing through his mind. Others had noticed it too. He wasn't even sure why he'd been doing it at first but it was something he'd been thinking about since the session. He supposed he was trying to distance himself from others so that he didn't get hurt. He'd seen Marci grieving Eddie, he'd seen Robin suffering from Kim's refusal to see him, deep down he felt that it was safer just not to become close to anyone, for fear of losing them.

"I really do have to finish this, Ma'am," he said quietly, picking up some papers and staring blankly at them.

Alex breathed out with a sigh and looked at Jake's expression. There was a loneliness and sadness buried away in there. She got to her feet and shook her head.

"I'm sorry you feel this way, Jake," she said quietly, "because you're missing out on a lot of happiness by shutting yourself away from people. You're missing out on life."

She turned and walked slowly out of the office to return to the party with a heavy heart. Jake was separating himself from others even more than she'd been. She'd done her best. Now she just had to hope that her words would make Jake think again.

~xXx~

Gene stood up as he watched Alex worming her way through the crowd towards him. He waited for her to take a seat at the table before he sank into his chair again.

"How's the love of me life?" he asked.

For a split second Alex was about to say 'fine' until she realised he meant the car and handed the keys back with a sigh.

"Still in one piece," she sighed.

"Where have you been sneaking off to?" Gene asked.

"I wasn't sneaking, I just went to see Jake," Alex sighed. "I'm worried about him. He's shutting himself off from everyone."

"You weren't, uh," Gene cleared his throat, "weren't looking in a mirror by any chance were you?"

Alex frowned at him but then her expression softened.

"I'm here now, aren't I?" she asked quietly. Her eyes scanned the table. "Where's my drink?"

"I couldn't decide what to get you," Gene said, his eyebrow rising as he watched her expression grow dark with disappointment, but with a tiny smirk he reached behind his pint and pushed a glass of red wine in her direction. Her expression changed again and she looked at him with just a little hope. That was a glimpse of the old Gene; the Gene she knew

"I can drink to that," she said quietly. As she lifted her glass the motion of the door opening caught her eye and she looked up to see Jake enter the bar looking nervous and somewhat sheepish. He peered around nervously, hesitating for a few minutes before he finally began to move forward towards a table where Robin had placed himself to down another brandy.

Despite the increased crowd and the fact that he'd even danced a little, deep down there was a kind of loneliness that none of them – not Marci, not Shaz, not even Alex could fill. It was the emptiness of being without someone special on an important day. He closed his eyes as he drank from the glass, welcoming every sip as an opportunity to numb his mind and block out the thoughts of Kim and Jake a little more, but as he finished the measure and opened his eyes he found a shadow cast across the table. His eyes followed it up to a face looking back at him nervously.

"Jake?" he scrambled upright and swept his hand involuntarily trough his hair, suddenly wondering whether the dancing and drinking had left him looking unkempt. Shit, where was a mirror when he needed one? "I thought you were busy… Marci said… the paperwork…?"

Jake swallowed and gave a nervous smile.

"Always wait till tomorrow," he said.

Robin nodded slowly, waiting for something to happen. Jake didn't seem to know what to say so Robin began, "I'm glad you made it."

Jake nodded slowly. He cleared his throat.

"I was wondering, sir," he couldn't stop himself from adding, "if maybe you would like," he shrugged, "to go for a drink or something? Some time?" he cleared his throat, "the weekend, maybe?"

For a moment Robin thought it was a wind-up. After being avoided for so many weeks the fact that Jake was even talking to him felt like a miracle. His lips twitched into a smile he couldn't hold back.

"That… I would like that," he said, "very much."

"Good," Jake nodded, his cheeks reddening. He wasn't very god at this. He could count on one hand the number of times he'd propositioned anyone and that included when he'd asked Marci on a date as an April fool. He glanced around and saw the girls dancing while the Spice Girls played through the bar. "I don't suppose you feel like," he shrugged, "dancing?"

Robin blinked as his smile grew a little. He remembered briefly the last time Jake had asked him to dance. This time he wasn't going to leave him standing.

"Thought you'd never ask," he said quietly as he got to his feet and pushed his glass away.

Alex smiled to herself as she watched Jake lead Robin toward Marci and Shaz who were in the middle of some long and complicated dance routine. She sipped her wine and sighed with something she hadn't felt in a really long time. Contentment.

"We're getting there," she whispered to herself.

She was right. They were.

~xXx~

A/N: I'm so sorry my output is so slow right now; while you probably don't care it's making *me* frustrated. Nonetheless, I told you there were brighter times ahead…. Shame the next chapter focuses on Fenchurch West :P