A/N: Hey everyone, thanks for reading and reviewing! Always appreciated. The first section of this chapter is EPOV by request showing what Edward was thinking after the whole "almost kiss" scenario. After that, it's back to the story and picks up after Edward left Bella's house following his apology. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Twilight characters are not mine, they belong to Stephenie Meyer.
Drop everything now
Meet me in the pouring rain
Kiss me on the sidewalk
Take away the pain
Cause I see, sparks fly whenever you smile
Get me with those green eyes, baby
As the lights go down
Something that'll haunt me when you're not around
Cause I see, sparks fly whenever you smile
-Speak Now, Taylor Swift
EPOV
When I woke up the morning after the homecoming dance, my head was pounding out of control, and when I sat up I felt an immediate need to run to the bathroom and puke my brains out. Why oh why would I ever drink that much?
After cleaning my teeth after the long puke session, I ran downstairs and grabbed a glass of water and some aspirin to ease my headache and hopefully make myself feel better. I am such a freaking idiot. As I sat down on the couch in the living room, I tried to think why I would have drunk that much alcohol. Oh yeah, I was feeling nervous about making Bella's night perfect for her so me and the guy had had a few shots before we picked the girls up. Then I remembered seeing Bella and how gorgeous she looked and feeling confused about…something? I can't remember.
Going to the dance, winning homecoming king (yuck), dancing with Bella under the lights with everyone's eyes on us, feeling like this was so different for us but so great, wanting more alcohol and succeeding with that plan, and then!
That is when it all came rushing back to me. I had freaking tried to kiss Bella, my best friend in the entire world. Why the hell would I do that? She had stopped me thankfully, but I had gotten pissed at her and ran off, having Jasper take me home. Ridiculous, she was probably pissed off at me. I feel like such a freaking idiot.
I know I make stupid choices when I drink, and I get really horny and try to hook up with girls I have no interest in otherwise, but with Bella? What was I thinking? I let my head fall into my hands and tried really hard not to freak out. After wallowing in self pity for a few minutes, I called Bella. When she didn't answer, I started panicking a bit, but waited a few minutes and called her back. Again, she didn't answer her phone. I tried several more times without success before deciding that a shower was necessary prior to I made my way over to try and catch her in person. I hoped that she would speak to me. I'm sure she would, I mean, it was a stupid move on my part, hopefully she was just going to laugh at me and embarrass me further than I already am.
As I showered, I remembered bits and pieces more of last night. Most of what I started to remember was feelings that were coming back to me. I remembered how I had thought she was the most beautiful girl at the dance, hands down, which had shocked me. I had never had thoughts like that before, and it kind of confused me. Where were these thoughts coming from? Don't get me wrong, I knew Bella was good looking. No one could deny that besides her, because she just didn't see herself correctly. But this was different, it was like I was finding myself attracted to her in ways I wasn't used to. I'm almost positive it was the alcohol in my system creating these thoughts for me, because I just can't be attracted to Bella. She is like a sister to me, always had been, always will be. Maybe this is what people mean when they say that girls and guys can't be friends without eventually wanting more. Its not that I necessarily wanted Bella in that way, but I had to admit that yes, I was attracted to her. That also meant I had to admit that the idea of hooking up with her didn't appeal to me. Ok, maybe it did a little...
It would be weird though, so just stop thinking like that, I told myself. Great, now I'm talking to myself. Wonderful.
Now where was I? Oh yeah, there was also the little tidbit about how I had wanted to rip off Riley's head when he came up to Bella and asked her for a dance. I had no right to keep being so protective of Bella when it came to her dating. Riley was a perfectly good guy and if Bella wanted to be with him, she should be. Then why had I freaked out inside when he touched her intimately like I had just been doing, and when he leaned down and whispered something in her ear which made her smile at their secret. It had made me want to run up and steal her back, because Bella was mine, not his.
Oh god, what the hell was that? Bella most certainly wasn't mine, and I didn't want her to be mine. Maybe I was just terrified of her dating someone because then we wouldn't be as close, and I wouldn't be able to handle that. I know we would grow apart, just like we had slightly when she and Jake were dating. That is why I hated Jake, right? Because he stole Bella from me; before she was free to spend all her time with me, tell me all her secrets, but when she dated someone she spent way more time with them than with me. I hated it, even spending one day away from her drove me insane.
Feeling satisfied at the reasons I had come up with for my irrational behavior regarding Bella lately, I headed over to her house after my shower.
BPOV
After Edward had left, I had fallen back into my self pity party. Tears that I had been fighting to hold back when he had been here came fighting to the surface, and I hurriedly called Alice, telling her that I needed her to come over right away. You are probably wondering why I always turn to Alice before Rose when it comes to Edward; it's because Alice understood more where I was coming from. She and Edward were also close friends, whereas Rose and Edward had never been particularly close. Also, Alice understood rejection way more than Rose did. I don't think Rose has ever had an issue where the boy she showed interest in didn't feel the same for her.
Alice said she would be right over, and I thanked my lucky stars I had such a wonderful friend. Before I had much more time to think about anything, I heard her car screeching into my driveway and then her running gracefully up the stairs. She encompassed me in a hug, and I gladly let her take me in her tiny arms.
Alice may be tiny, but she somehow had more strength than me. It always amazed me that she could even wrap her arms around me. Being the strong willed girl that I am, I didn't let her hold me for long and tried to act like it was all ok. She saw right through me and drug me over to the bed, declaring that I was going to tell her every last detail or she would march over to Edward and cut his balls off. That scared me because I believed she may actually do just that with her anger towards him, and I reluctantly prepared to spill.
"Well, basically he called a zillion times this morning while I was showering and sleeping and finally came over here when I wasn't answering," I sighed.
"And, then what happened? Go on," she urged me, bouncing up and down in anticipation. I don't know why she was excited to hear what made me so upset…
"And then, he proceeded to tell me that he couldn't believe that he had tried to k-kiss me," I had to stop here because my voice started wavering. Once I choked back some more tears, I finished. "And that he-he thought I would find it funny or try to embarrass him over it, not be upset. When he saw I was upset, he misunderstood what was really going on and assumed I was upset because I was thought I was just another girl that he had tried to hook up with and was classifying myself with the likes of Jessica or Lauren, whom he really doesn't care about. but he said he cares about me so much, and that I am so much more to him than girls like that," I said in a huff.
She just stared at me. "That boy is such a fucking 'tard, I swear. He is lying to himself now. Bella, did you see the way he was looking at you last night? I know we have already gone over this, but seriously. He wanted you last night. And not in an 'I'm drunk and I want to hook up with someone' way, he wanted you," she finished.
"Not this again, please Alice. Just accept it. You have heard it out of his mouth a million times; he doesn't want me like that."
"Ok, I will let it go, maybe you are right and he doesn't want you. Is that what you want to hear? Or would you rather hear words of encouragement from me Bella?" she said, pouting.
I rolled my eyes and didn't respond. She took this as an opportunity to come up with more ideas to save my disaster of a life.
"Bella, I think it is time for you to move on," she said softly. She squeezed my knee when she said it, and I looked at her in shock. Wow, once Alice gives up on your chances Bella, it really is time to move on.
My heart sank and I was sure I looked on the verge of tears again. I looked back up at her and she was watching me intently.
"I know this is extremely hard Bella, but you have told me that you refuse to give up on Edward as a friend, and the only way that is going to be possible if what you believe is true, that Edward doesn't want you in that way, then you are going to have to get over him."
I simply nodded, knowing words would break my will to hold back the waterworks. She was right, I knew it, and had been considering it for some time now. I needed to move on.
"And you know the only way to get over a guy you love is by falling in love with someone else."
She looked at me questioningly, seeming like she was up to something. This was the norm for her though. She was always scheming, and I barely even acknowledged it any longer.
"Bella, how about Riley?"
"No way, Alice; I am not going to just jump straight into dating some guy who I don't have interest in besides friendship. Riley is nice and he is hot, but I just can't think of anyone but Edward."
"Oh Bella, you are going to have to listen to exactly what I am about to tell you. If you don't, you will regret it deeply, understand?" she asked. I nodded slowly, concerned.
"First of all, I know for a fact that Riley is interested in you, Emmett told me. Second, I know that you may not be interested in him currently, but that is the point of dating Bella. You meet someone and slowly get to know them, and possibly fall for them. If not, you move on to the next boy. I think you could like him if you put it out of your head that he isn't Edward. Slowly you will get over him, I promise."
When I didn't respond right away, she again jumped in with more orders.
"Thirdly, the only way you can possibly stop associating Edward with every guy is to stop hanging out with only Edward. You need to spend more time with me and Rose, more time with Jake and those boys, and more time with new boys. Now don't you dare argue with me on this Bella, I know you are going to."
"Alice- There is no way that I am going to stop hanging out with him. I can't; I can barely go without seeing him for a day, let alone more."
She interjected before I could continue. "I know that you are not going to stop hanging out completely, that isn't what I said at all. Listen dear Bella, geez. I said that you will not hang out with him every day. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, that's the saying. Maybe he will realize what he is missing if you actually follow through with my plan, otherwise you may just find yourself in love with Riley or some other boy and over Mr. Edward Cullen."
I just continued staring at her in shock, but had to admit that her idea didn't sound unbearable. I could stand it, and I know it is what is best for me whether I liked it or not.
"So what do you think?" she asked while giving me her puppy dog pout no one on earth could deny.
"Ok, I agree." She squealed and pulled me into a hug again. "Bella, I just know this is going to work! I can feel it." she said.
After we had finished the torturous conversation, I suggested we do something low key to relax and spend time together. We called Rose up and she came by for a movie marathon. We ended up watching some movies that I picked out, making sure that romance or romantic comedies weren't in the mix. This wasn't the ideal choice for my two best friends, but they didn't argue too much about it, knowing where I was coming from. We giggled and gossiped and did other girly things that I didn't particularly love doing, but enjoyed today because I just couldn't think about boys any more today.
Rose had been filled in on Alice and my plan, and she full heartedly agreed.
"Bella, I think you should text Riley right now. You guys were so cute dancing, and you should have seen Mr. Jealousy raging in the corner when he stole you away," Rose chimed in, after I returned back to my room with a bag of popcorn in the middle of the first movie.
Alice started cracking up, and I threw popcorn at her head to shut her up.
"Bella, she is absolutely right. If you want to drive Edward nuts, go out on a date with Riley. He will freak the hell out! His face was so priceless when he came over and asked you to dance!" Alice giggled.
"Did you see him come back and grab me the second the song was finished? He is way too protective," I said, rolling my eyes.
Alice and Rose shared a knowing look, and I threw more popcorn at them to stop whatever little inside conversation they were having. I knew they were thinking their assumptions that Edward was jealous and not protective, and how stupid I was for not seeing that. But I just knew it wasn't true. Edward had said so himself multiple times.
"Hey Alice, what are you and Jasper doing for your anniversary next week?" I asked, hoping to get the subject off of me.
Rose glared at me, seeing right through my attempt but Alice started yammering about what her plans were, and she didn't stop for the next hour straight. No joke; I found myself not listening and thinking about what the girls had said and decided maybe it wasn't such a bad idea to take Riley up on his offer to take me out. It was a start if nothing else. I was also going to be extremely sure to be honest with him, and seeing how he already knew my Edward issue, it seemed the perfect scenario for me to go out with him rather than someone else.
When Alice was done with her story, I sighed and threw my hands up in defeat when Rose immediately jumped on my case again.
"Nice distraction Bella. Ten points for length of distraction, I have to say I am impressed. You know your audience," she teased.
Alice threw me a fake hurt look, telling me she had known it was a distraction all along, but that she had really wanted to talk about her plans so had let it slide.
"Ok, ok, I just needed a bit of time to think about it. I will text and see if he still wants to take me out."
I took out my phone and sent him a text, feeling nervous about it, but deciding what could it hurt. I didn't really care if I was rejected anyways right?
Hey Riley, I was wondering if you were still up for hanging out with me sometime. Are you free tomorrow?-Bella
He shot me a text back a little sooner than I had hoped. Was he waiting by his phone or something? No, he probably was just like every other normal person who carried their phone with them constantly. Just because I didn't do that, doesn't mean everyone else doesn't; I'm just not normal.
I'd love to Bella. Can I take you to dinner or were you thinking more like a friend thing?-R
I shook my head, he was certainly not cocky, and I liked that he had doubts just like I always did.
Dinner sounds great. Pick me up at 7?-B
I'll be there, I'm glad you changed your mind. See you tomorrow beautiful -R
I blushed, and Alice and Rose demanded the details right away. I showed them the text conversation, and they jumped up and down in excitement for me. I tried to act like I wasn't dreading this, because I honestly wasn't. I just wished I could be happy with the person I really want to be with.
We spent the rest of the night just hanging out until about dinnertime when Charlie came home. I decided to invite the girls to stay for dinner, and they followed me to the kitchen to help me throw something together to eat. I decided on chicken parmesan and began my work cutting and cleaning the chicken while Alice and Rose started boiling the water and followed my instructions on the sauce recipe.
After eating the delicious, I have to say, dinner, the girls said goodbye to my parents and I and headed home.
I caught up on some homework that I hadn't gotten done yet over the busy weekend, and was deeply involved in my calculus problems when I heard the telltale tinkling of Edward throwing rocks at my window.
I rolled my eyes; seriously, the boy couldn't just call me? I smiled to myself though, and all but ran to the window. So much for my avoid Edward plan. I promised myself that I would deny Edward hanging out, but I just had to see him. I missed him already and we hadn't even really started the plan.
I hung my head out and waved for him to come up. He went around to the front door and I heard a knock and Renee letting him in with a small greeting.
When he got in the door, he gave me his bear hug greeting and I reveled in being so close to him. Sighing, I let him go, and went back to sit on my bed.
"What's up Edward? I'm just doing my dreaded calc homework. I guess you already finished your work?"
He gave me his adorable crooked grin, and I almost melted from my acceptance to the plan, deciding I would have to call Rose and tell her that I was out.
"No, I actually didn't have any homework, finished it in study hour on Friday because I knew it would be a busy weekend. I just wanted to stop by and see if you would go out with me tomorrow night? You know, to make up for the wreck of a date I was last night. I am still really sorry and want to make it up to you by taking you to dinner and whatever you want to do after," he said, seeming excited for some reason. His eyes were glowing, and I had a hard time looking away from him.
My heart started pounding irrationally. I knew he just meant to hang out as friends, but hearing him say date like that got me excided for some stupid reason. Then I remembered I was already going out with Riley tomorrow. Stupid Bella, why did you agree to this?
I shook my head with sorrow. "I'm sorry Edward, I have plans tomorrow actually," I said softly, looking into his eyes. He looked disappointed, and then it disappeared suddenly.
"Well tell Jake or Alice or Rose that you will have to reschedule. I'm taking my girl out and that is final!" he said, not discouraged by what I had said anymore.
My heart once again picked up when he said my girl. Stupid, stupid Bella. I avoided his eye contact and didn't respond right away. I could feel him staring at me, wondering why I wasn't responding.
"Actually Edward, my plans aren't with any of them. They're actually with Riley," I said softly, almost a whisper.
Looking up, I blushed when I saw his intense stare.
"Like, a date?" he finally asked me, after what seemed like several minutes.
"Um, yes. Like a date. Please don't get all older brotherly on me Edward. You can't keep doing that to me. If I want to date, I have every right to."
I nodded to myself, finally believing that I deserved to be happy, and if he wasn't going to make me happy, then I would have to find it elsewhere. I didn't want to, but I didn't seem to have much choice.
"Oh, ok." He looked sad and I wondered why.
"Edward, what's wrong? You can still take me out Tuesday, no problems! Is that ok?"
He wasn't looking at me, and seemed to be lost in thought. His forehead was crinkled and he was running a hand through his always disheveled hairdo. When he finally looked up at me, he had a fake smile on his face, but he didn't say anything for another minute, just watching me.
We stayed like this, a silent staring match of sorts, both trying to figure out the other. It was funny because we never had this much trouble sorting out each other's thoughts before the last week or two. I hated how things were changing, and wondered if it was all me doing to changing or if he was as well.
"Bella, I always want you to be happy, and I am really sorry that you felt like I was holding you back before. Is this why you haven't dated? Because of me? I feel horrible, I certainly hope not," he said, concerned.
I rolled my eyes at him and his self blame. He was always doing this, it drove me crazy.
"Edward, I wasn't dating because the one or ones I wanted didn't show any interest back towards me, not because you were overprotective; Stop being so self righteous."
"Alright, so I guess now you found someone you are interested in? Riley? I didn't realize you liked him. I feel stupid now, being so selfish and stealing him away from you last night at the dance, I'm sorry Bella."
"Oh stop it Edward. To answer your question, I am not particularly interested in him yet, but he likes me and I am willing to see how it goes. A girl can't wait around forever for the guy they want to fall in love with them right?" I mumbled.
I blushed furiously when he sat down next to me and stared at me intently again.
"Here we go again with this mystery guy you like. Why won't you tell me, it is driving me crazy Bells," he said his voice eager.
"No Edward, I will never tell, so get over it. Don't you have band practice to get to?" I asked, hoping he would leave and not ask me again about that topic. I might just break and tell him the truth.
"Ok, ok. Fine Bella, I will drop it for today, but I will find out. So Tuesday? Be ready to be treated like royalty," he said. "I can do better than that Riley asshole," I heard him mutter under his breath.
I stared at him in shock, but quickly recovered before he looked at me again. He leaned down and kissed my forehead quickly before leaving.
"Bye Bells," he said softly over his shoulder as he walked out the door.
My heart was pounding loudly in my ears. Edward had never once kissed me on the forehead like that, or even on the cheek or any other friendly kind of kiss. As friendly and hands on we were about our relationship, we had never done more than hug, cuddle or just holding hands. It shocked me, and I wondered to myself where he had gotten the urge for that. I most definitely wasn't complaining.
End Notes: So, next chapter Bella goes on a date with two guys; should be a good one. Review if you enjoyed, tell me what you liked and/or didn't. Feedback is always appreciated.