Glimmer led the way confidently through the forest with Nalfein and Drizzt' horses right behind her. She bounded over brush and through some thickly growing trees. A sharp crack rang through the forest, followed by the sound of screaming. Glimmer ran faster. She and the horses charged through a thicket of brambles and jumped over two fallen tree trunks, landing next to two zombie wolves. Nalfein sliced the head off one zombie wolf; Drizzt stabbed the other. The screaming continued, coming from under the tree trunks.
Glimmer barked and wagged her tail. Then she whimpered and tried to squeeze under the tree trunk. The tree trunk was close to the ground and there was no space for the wolf to get under it. Some of the branches holding the tree trunk off the ground split and cracked. Another terrorized scream filled the air.
"Please get me out of here! It will crush me! I know it will! Please! I will do whatever you ask. I promise I will! Please save me!"
"Kalin?" Drizzt started. "Kalin!"
"Ilharn? Ilharn! The tree trunk is crushing me! Get me out! I do not want to die! I am sorry I disobeyed you. I really am. I will never disobey you again! I promise! Get me out!"
Nalfein was already working. He grabbed a coil of rope off his saddle and looped it firmly around the tree trunk behind the one Kalin was under. He fastened the other ends of the rope to his and Drizzt's horses and cantered them forward. The rope pulled tight and the horses strained forward.
"Get ready to grab him or he will be crushed," Nalfein yelled to Drizzt. "Once the tree trunk begins to roll, you will only have a minute before the other tree trunk collapses. You should be able to pull him out from this side; it is higher up off the ground."
Drizzt posed tensely, ready to grab his son. Kalin was crying, sounding afraid and broken. Poor Kalin. What had he been through? Still, he was still going to be punished for disobeying. Disobedience had to be punished.
The tree trunk rolled over. Branches cracked. Kalin screamed. Drizzt dove like lightning, snatching his son and dragging him out from under the tree trunk just as it smashed to the ground. Drizzt tripped backwards and tumbled over the trunk attached to the rope behind him. He landed on his back with Kalin on top of him, bruised and dirty. Kalin buried his face in the crook of Drizzt's shoulder and neck and cried.
Nalfein calmly untied the rope from the tree trunk and coiled it back up. Drizzt sat up and Nalfein looked at him. "Shall we get back to camp?"
Kalin raised his head at the unfamiliar voice. "W-who is he?"
"This is my brother, Nalfein," Drizzt said. He set Kalin on his feet and stood up.
Kalin gulped. He would have to tell Nalfein Mai'Zak was probably dead. The thought of Mai'Zak caused more tears to well up in his eyes. The wolves had eaten Mai'Zak. Mai'Zak had comforted him and held him and now Mai'Zak was gone. He blinked as Drizzt set him on his horse and climbed up behind him. The horses started forward with Glimmer running ahead.
"T-the wolves ate him," Kalin finally stammered, peeking at Nalfein from behind Drizzt's cloak.
"Who did the wolves kill?" Nalfein asked kindly.
"M-m-m-Mai'Zak. He was my brother only his mother ran away with him inside her because she did not like ilharn. He-he was so n-nice to me. T-the w-wolves k-killed him. I h-hate wolves!" Kalin huddled against his father, weeping. Drizzt's strong arm held him steady on the horse while the other one held the reins. Kalin was scared to; he knew ilharn was going to punish him.
"Mai'Zak is not dead, Kalin," Nalfein said gently. "He is alive and well. He got a few bites and scratches but Tuatha is looking after him right now. He is going to be fine."
Kalin brightened. "Really? I-I really love him. He took care of me and protected me from the slavers."
Nalfein nodded. "I am sure Mai'Zak took good care of you. How did you end up getting separated?"
"We ran away from the wolves. I fell asleep and, when I woke up, Mai'Zak had run off. I-I could hear him screaming," Kalin gulped.
"I see. Well, you can tell us the whole story once you are fed and rested." Nalfein snapped the reins and galloped up ahead. He was anxious about Mai'Zak. Was Mai'Zak okay?
Kalin leaned back against his father. He knew soon Drizzt would get angry and scold him for his disobedience and he was not looking forward to it. He knew Drizzt was going to punish him to "teach him a lesson" and he was frightened of it. Drizzt's "lessons" hurt. He did not want to be punished right in front of Nalfein and Mai'Zak. The humiliation would hurt more then the beating. And the dread was killing him. He tugged on Drizzt's cloak to get his father's attention, swallowing hard as Drizzt said, "What?"
"Punish me now," Kalin blurted.
Drizzt jerked on the reins and the horse stopped. "What?"
"I know you are going to punish me for disobeying you earlier on the cliff," Kalin said uncomfortably. "So punish me now instead of waiting."
Drizzt considered Kalin's request. If Kalin had obeyed him and come home at the required time, the thugs never would have got him. It had been a small thing at the time until Drizzt had seen the consequences of Kalin's disobedience. And the consequences had been such that Kalin had nearly died. Before the attack, going to find his son, Drizzt was not going to punish his son for not coming home on time. But now Kalin had to be punished. The important thing was that Kalin listened to him no matter what he said, even if it was coming home when he was told. He understood why Kalin wanted to be punished now. He did not want to humiliate Kalin; just punish him for disobeying.
"Very well," Drizzt said, holding Kalin's wrist as Kalin slid off the horse. He dismounted and unclipped the reins from the horse's bridle. The reins would do just as well as the lash back at home or his belt.
Kalin drew in a deep breath as Drizzt doubled the reins over in his hands. Drizzt came toward him, looking grim.
"Do you know why you are being punished, Kalin?" Drizzt asked.
"Y-yes, ilharn. I am being punished for disobeying you the night I fell off the cliff. I-I disobeyed you by not coming home on time and—and because of that, the thugs got me."
"That is correct. I gave you the freedom to roam the woods as long as you came home every day at a certain time. And you disrespected my orders and me by not coming home that night. Because of that, the thugs got you and you fell of the cliff. If you had obeyed me, none of this would have happened and I would not have to punish you now. Now that we are clear and you understand the reason you are being punished, turn around."
Kalin held back a whimper. He clenched his fists as he turned around. He was not going to beg for pardon no matter how much he wanted to escape the beating. He was not going to cry out either. He would show Drizzt he was strong. The reins came down. Kalin grabbed ahold of the branch ahead of him and held on tight, gritting his teeth. Drizzt hit him harder. Kalin almost groaned. Drizzt put even more force into the blows, determined to make Kalin cry out. Kalin whimpered. On the last five lashes, Kalin cried out in pain, tears coming into his eyes and streaming down his cheeks.
Drizzt took Kalin by the shoulders and turned him around. Kalin clenched his fists and looked up into his father's stern eyes, trying to hold back his tears. Tears shamed him before his father.
"What have you learned?" Drizzt asked strictly.
"N-never to disobey you," Kalin stammered. "A-and I will not; not ever again. I am sorry I-I disobeyed you that night."
"Your apology is accepted." Drizzt stepped away and clipped the reins back on his horse's bridle. The thing about punishing Kalin was that Kalin usually hated him for a little while afterwards but Kalin knew he was utterly dependent on his father and the hate faded over a short time. Drizzt knew this and therefore he felt no qualms about punishing Kalin. He knew the pain would fade and heal. The pain would teach Kalin to respect him and it was only temporary. It was the only way to keep unruly children in order. At least, that was what he believed.
Kalin stood still, tears spilling down his face. He wanted to stop crying but he could not. Drizzt looked at him sternly. Kalin turned and fled. He could not bear to be anywhere near Drizzt. Drizzt had hurt him. Again. The pain of the recent beating refused to allow him to hurl himself into Drizzt's arms and weep. Drizzt would be full of disapproval and tell him pain was nothing to fear and he had to control it. The truth was, Drizzt did not care.
"Kalin!" Drizzt yelled. "Come back here right now!"
Kalin refused to obey his father. He knew he would have to go back eventually and that he would be punished again but he did not care. His pride had been hurt. Drizzt had torn it away from him again and he was not going back to him until he had no choice. He ran into the trees blindly, tears blurring his vision.
Drizzt scowled. He was about to mount his horse and chase after Kalin when he saw Zak's face. Zak had been standing there the whole time! And Zak did not look happy. Zak came toward him, arms folded, looking blacker then usual with rage.
"What?" Drizzt demanded. "I had every right to do what I did."
Zak circled Drizzt. "That depends on what you believe in. Okay, you had the right to beat your son. The question is: should you? You are monstrous, Drizzt. Monstrous. I am your father. What you just did was wrong and cruel. I have every right to punish you."
"Kalin has to learn to obey me," Drizzt argued. "I was beaten many times as a child, more cruelly then what I just did to him and more often! He should consider himself lucky! What would you do instead?"
"Do you think I enjoyed hurting you as a teenager?" Zak demanded. "I took no joy in it! I would have preferred to settle matters of punishment nonviolently. But I had no choice. I had to whip you."
"Just as I have to whip Kalin. There is no other way to teach him respect."
"You are acting like your sisters, Drizzt. Your horrible, wicked sisters who enjoyed torturing you mercilessly as a small child. Do you not feel any hurt when you hit Kalin? Can you not feel his pain? The pain you are inflicting on your own child? Do you not feel any sorrow?"
"No, because he deserves punishment. If he listens to me, there would be no need to punish him," Drizzt said firmly. "It teaches him respect."
"Well then, I am sure you must have great respect for me, eh? Because I beat the crap out of you many times. I did not want to and it hurt me more then it hurt you. But if you feel nothing at all, you are nothing more then a heartless child abuser. It seems I need to teach you a lesson," Zak said, unclipping the horse reins once more. "Turn around."
Drizzt folded his arms. "No. I have done nothing wrong."
"That is exactly what Kalin would say if he had the courage to speak to you truthfully," Zak said. "But I am sure you think he did everything wrong. I think you have done a wicked and monstrous thing therefore I am going to punish you. Turn. Around."
"You would not dare!" Drizzt spat.
"Tut tut. Young man, you need to learn respect and obedience. When I order you to turn around, I expect you to obey me no. Matter. What. After all, that is what you believe in, is it not?"
Drizzt scowled.
"Do you know why you are being punished?" Zak asked sweetly.
"No," Drizzt said defiantly, prepared to fight.
"You are being punished for abusing your son!" Zak yelled. He flung the reins in Drizzt's face and stepped away, panting. "I am not going to hit you. It would hurt me as it should hurt any parent to see their child in pain. I am not going to lower myself to your level! Go rot! I am sure you do not care that you just hurt Kalin, that you are taking advantage of his need for you. Let him cry his eyes out to the trees without comfort for all I care! You are a terrible father! I am disappointed with you!" He turned and stormed off into the woods.
Drizzt clenched the reins in his hand. This was it. The last straw. Kalin was his son. He could raise him however he wanted to. Zak had no right to intervene. He was raising Kalin the only way he knew how. It was an easy way that employed corporal punishment, fear, and discipline to keep children in order. It was a lazy way.
Drizzt sat down and buried his face in his hands. Yes, it was a lazy way to raise a child; avoiding any real conversations about emotions. But Drizzt could not deal with emotions. He had lived his whole life hiding from his emotions, killing to keep them bottled away. To talk to Kalin about his behavior would be too hard for him. Punishing him was simpler. Pain taught Kalin everything he needed to know. Pain taught Kalin to fear his father's displeasure and be very careful around him. Pain taught Kalin he could not come to his father when he needed help or comfort. Pain kept Kalin in check. But it was a cruel thing to do to a child. It took away Kalin's self-expression. It took away Kalin's trust of his father. Kalin had to force himself to forget the pain when he needed his father to help him. Kalin had to put aside his pride and hurt feelings. Kalin . . . what had he done? What had he been doing all this time? He had made things worst by vowing to make Kalin cry out every time he punished him; that had been an unnecessary and malicious thing to do. It was something malicious drow did. The pain Kalin must be in! Drizzt cursed himself. He went to find Kalin on foot, leaving the horse behind. Zak was probably still in the area. Zak could deal with the horse.
Drizzt had no trouble tracking Kalin. Kalin had run, leaving behind a trail of broken sticks and footprints. He heard Kalin's loud, harsh sobs and paused self-consciously behind a tree. How hard could this really be? He took a deep breath and stepped around the side of the tree.
Kalin was curled up on a mossy spot under a tree, crying his heart out. He saw Drizzt and immediately cowered back, his eyes on the reins in Drizzt's hand. Ilharn was here to punish him again! He did not want to be punished again. He was already in a lot of pain. He looked up pleadingly at his father, not above falling on his knees and begging for pardon this time. He crawled to his father's feet, choking on his sobs. He could not control himself enough to speak.
For the first time Drizzt felt sick. This should not be happening. Kalin should not be doing this; he was begging like a slave! He was Drizzt's son! He should not so afraid. Drizzt realized normally he would have beaten Kalin again for his disobedience. Now he felt sick to his stomach. He dropped the reins and knelt down by Kalin, knowing he had to comfort his son.
"Kalin, sweetheart, I am not going to punish you again. I promise. Come here."
"No! I hate you!" Kalin cried, clenching his fists. "Go away and leave me alone! I hate you! You hurt me again!"
"Please come here, Kalin," Drizzt said gently. "I am sorry I hurt you. Please come here."
Kalin nuzzled against him, his shoulders shaking. His tears wet Drizzt's shirt. Drizzt wrapped his arms around his son and held him tight. Kalin whimpered. Drizzt loosened his hold a little. He was probably squeezing Kalin's bruises from the punishment to tightly.
"I am sorry, Kalin. I truly am. I am not going to hit you ever again."
"You always say that afterwards," Kalin sniffed disdainfully. "You always say how sorry you are and how much it hurt you to punish me. But you never mean it."
"Yes, I do," Drizzt said.
"No, you do not mean it. Because if you did, you would stop hitting me to teach me lessons. You only say you are sorry to make me feel bad so I will obey you next time. I never learn anything, ilharn! I just learn to be scared you are going to punish me if I say or do something you do not like! Whenever I want to do something fun I have to stop and wonder if you are going to get mad at me for doing it and say it was dangerous."
"Some of the things you want to do are dangerous, Kalin. Look, I am just frightened I am going to lose you to some accident. I am trying to protect you from harm."
"Yeah, well, that is great," Kalin said sarcastically. "Gee, I wonder what you are protecting me from when you punish me, huh?"
Drizzt groaned. This had all been so simple before. Nothing had to be explained with such depth. A few lashes of the whip solved everything. Discussions like this did not have to be had. Discussions like this forced him to question himself. He did not like questioning himself. Thinking about tactics and war was one thing. Thinking about emotional explanations was something else entirely.
"I believed you when you said you were sorry for punishing me the first time. And the second time to. But after the third and fourth and fifth and tenth and twentieth time I stopped believing you. You were lying to me! You were lying to me! I hate you!" Kalin sobbed, curling into a tight ball.
Drizzt stroked his son's white hair. "I am really sorry this time. I love you too much to be able to bear loosing you. After you fell off the cliff, I was in a lot of pain inside."
"Not enough to not punish me for disobeying you that night," Kalin muttered. "I fell off the cliff and I did not die! So what if I want to climb a really high tree? You had no right to tell me to come down because I might fall! And I bet the fall would not have killed me anyway! You have done a million really dangerous things and no one stopped you! You are just selfish and you will not give me any freedom at all!"
Drizzt drew in a deep breath. "How are we going to get anywhere if you refuse to be believe me? I am sorry, Kalin. I am not lying to you this time. I promise."
"I feel like I am being kept in a cage," Kalin mumbled. "I actually had a lot of fun with Mai'Zak. Until the slavers got us. You were not there to tell me what I could and could not do. Mai'Zak did not care what I did. He would have let me climb a tree."
"Mai'Zak does not love you as much as I do, Kalin. One day you will understand." How could he explain the reaction that came over him when he saw Kalin doing something dangerous? Instantly the worst possible scenario came to his mind and he was forced to forbid Kalin to do whatever he was doing ever again for fear something horrible would happen to his son.
"One day I will be grown up and you will have punished me many more times. And then I will probably think it is okay to do to my kids and I will punish them to and they will do it to their kids and it will never end."
"That is looking far ahead into the future, Kalin. You do not know that," Drizzt said gently.
"I love you, ilharn," Kalin choked. "Do you punish me so much because my mother abandoned me like a piece of trash? Do you hate me?"
"Of course not, Kalin! I love you! I love you so much! You are not a piece of trash. How could you think that? Have I been such a bad father?" Drizzt was indignant.
Kalin shrugged. "I dunno. I just thought it was a good reason for your attitude toward me. If you loved me so much, you would let me do some of the things I wanted. I have to sneak and do them and then you catch me and punish me. I love you so much, ilharn. But you are always so far away from me! You-you treat me like an animal you are trying to train! I hate it! Sometimes at night I get scared and I want to come to you and climb into bed but you always look so mad whenever I wake you up at night and you scold. I hate it. It makes me feel like there is something wrong with me. There is not. I am just scared and alone and confused. I-I would not be telling you how I feel either because normally you would get mad. I hate it when you get mad. I-I learned a lot from Mai'Zak and he is not scared of saying what he thinks." Kalin started crying again.
Drizzt was unable to think of any way to respond. Nothing he could say was convincing Kalin he was truly sorry. So he was silent, holding his son against his chest. Kalin's grief and pain seeped into him. Drizzt's guilt and sorrow welled up inside him, erupting out of his eyes in a flood of tears that refused to be controlled. Kalin tried to comfort him and Drizzt tried to comfort Kalin but all they could do was cry and hold each other. Seeing Drizzt's tears helped Kalin understand that his father could help him at times without scolding him for being weak and unable to deal with his emotions.
Presently Drizzt let go of Kalin and wiped his eyes. Kalin smiled shakily at him. "I- I believe you now, ilharn. I never saw you cry before. I-I think I understand now. And I forgive you for hurting me."
Drizzt could not believe a few tears had brought so much understanding and clarification. If he had known tears would help Kalin so much, he would have shared them long before now. No, he probably would not have actually. He was just beginning to see the truth in things. Drizzt stood up and took Kalin's hand.
"Where are we going?" Kalin asked.
"We are going back to camp," Drizzt answered. "All my brothers and my father are there. Mai'Zak is there to."
Kalin brightened. "I hope he is awake. Come on!"
"We are also going to find a very big tree for you to climb," Drizzt said, letting Kalin pull him along.
Kalin grinned. "I want to see Mai'Zak first, okay? But thank you, ilharn."
"No, thank you for being honest with me, Kalin. It helped me see myself better."
Kalin looked at his father. He shrugged. "You are welcome."
Drizzt and Kalin entered the campsite ten minutes later. Mai'Zak was sleeping on a bed of blankets and moss with Glimmer as his pillow. His eyes were closed. Zak and Nalfein were sitting by the fire. Tuatha was washing his bloody hands and Dinin was nowhere in sight. Kalin's grip on Drizzt's hand tightened, as he looked at all the unfamiliar people looking at him. Drizzt sat down next to Zak. Kalin climbed into his father's lap and rested his head on Drizzt's shoulder, feeling tired. He looked at Zak. "Who are you?"
"I am Zaknafein Do'Urden, Drizzt's father," Zak answered. "These are my sons, Nalfein and Tuatha. Dinin is hunting dinner but he should be back soon."
Drizzt shifted uncomfortably and Kalin squirmed, readjusting his position to match his father's new one. Kalin yawned. His eyes slowly closed. Safe in his father's arms, he slept. Drizzt immediately relaxed. Hugging Kalin at home or alone in the woods was one thing. But sitting right in the middle of his brothers, he was painfully aware of how much love and warmth he was displaying. His brothers probably did not approve. His brothers were drow. But he noticed none of his brothers were paying him any attention. Only Zak was looking at him.
"Did you learn anything today?" Zak asked pointedly.
Drizzt held Kalin a little closer to him. "Yes, I did. I learned of Kalin's feelings and I saw myself through his eyes. I did not like what I saw. I saw a selfish tyrant; an overprotective parent. I have a bad habit of seeing the worst in any situation, even if it is just making a fire alone."
Zak shrugged. "Who knows; Kalin could burn the woods down unsupervised with a fire."
Drizzt frowned. "That is not helping me, Zak."
Zak's face cracked into a smile. "I am just kidding."
Drizzt sighed. "I am working on being a better parent. I have seen a lot of the world. I can come up with more creative ways to punish Kalin without having to cause him physical pain. You were right, Zak, it does hurt to hurt Kalin. I simply did not see it until now. Thank you for helping me."
"Hey, what do you think fathers are for?" Zak demanded with smile.
Drizzt looked curiously at Mai'Zak. Zak followed his gaze and sighed. "Speaking of fathers, there is one son who needed you and never had you."
"Does he still want me?" Drizzt asked.
Zak looked at Drizzt squarely. "I am going to be honest with you, Drizzt. Mai'Zak hates you."
So how are you liking it so far? I appreciate it your feedback, opinions, and suggestions more then you can guess. Take a moment to let me know what you think. You have made it this far, right? You must be thinking something!