A/N: This chapter contains a very disturbing scene of child abuse that may trigger. I felt quite sick writing it but it happens to be part of the plot bunny that's riding me so blurgh. Also, talk of scars and self-harm near the end. More in a sense of someone else seeing them as opposed to creating them.
Chapter Twelve.
Zexion had been through fifteen changes of clothes in five minutes and he was studiously avoiding the increasingly amused gaze of his boyfriend. The proceedings finally seemed to be coming to a halt and Demyx sat up on the bed, interested to see the final outcome. Slipping around the corner of his wardrobe door Zexion stood in front of his full-length mirror and skeptically evaluated his outfit.
Looking down at himself Zexion critically took in the solid motorcycle boots, super-skinny black jeans, silver-grey t-shirt and long, loose, black hooded jacket. Scrutinising his look in the mirror Zexion caught a glimpse of Demyx's expression out of the corner of his eye and had to bite his lip to hide his smile at the expression of pure lust he had managed to intercept. Clearing his throat and falling out of his flustered state into his much better known persona of 'Zexion the emotionless one' Zexion grabbed Demyx and pulled him out the door so that they wouldn't be late for their group date.
Although Namine was an artist to the core she had a fundamental need for organisation and order, so she was ready to strangle Kairi when the girl strolled out of her front door 20 minutes after their scheduled pick-up time. Bouncing up and down in the driver's seat of her beat up VW Namine barely waited for Kairi to close the door before letting out an exasperated growl and tromping on the accelerator. Being a forgiving soul at heart however Namine was soon chatting away and giggling as she zipped through the dark city streets.
The conversation between the 2 girls was punctuated on Kairi's side with little shrieks and squeals as Namine tended to drive like a Mario Cart competitor on meth, but the pair made it to the cinema in record time and with only minor body damage to the plucky little car. Pulling up to the curb in a screech of brakes Namine fussed around locking up the car while Kairi shot out of the door as if , for some reason, she couldn't wait to get out.
Once they were both safely locked outside of the car it was a matter of seconds before Kairi and Namine launched themselves like a pair of matched bullets at Zexion and Demyx for a comprehensive round of greeting hugs. With a wide grin Kairi greeted the boys saying, 'So lovely to see you gentlemen arrived on time. Care to take wagers on how kinky the reason is that Roxas and Axel are tardy?'
When Axel's Mercedes pulled into a vacant park across the road the pre-assembled group was still giggling uproariously at Kairi's brazen question and bets had already been laid. Axel eyed the 4 friends nervously as he opened Roxas' door for him and he hung back behind the blonde when they walked over to join the gang. Pulling anxiously at his long sleeves the redhead kept his eyes on the footpath until he heard his name and snapped his head up.
Replaying the conversation in his head Axel realized that Zexion had asked him how his home-schooling was going and he went red at how spaced out he had been. Trying to pull himself together Axel forced a smile and said, 'The home-school that Ventus set up is pretty amazing. It actually suits me better than normal school ever did.'
Lapsing again into silence as he still wasn't sure that anyone was really that interested in what he had to say Axel blinked when Demyx nodded at him and asked what subjects he was taking. Gaining a little confidence Axel smiled more easily and answered, 'Calculus and Physics for Uni entry, then Music, English and Italian. I just took the first Calculus module test and Ven let slip that I passed even though he wouldn't tell me my mark.'
At that point Kairi burst in said loudly, 'Okay, okay, now we know Axel's a genius. I'm more interested in why you 2 lovebirds were so late. Oh don't look so surprised Roxas, everybody knew that you were sweet on each other ever since the movie night.'
Axel flushed redder than his hair and looked sideways at Roxas who was looking like he had just been slapped. The girls and Demyx burst out laughing but Zexion sidled over and nudged Axel whispering, 'You can choose to take the 5th if you want to but I'm going to noisily head inside because I don't want to miss whatever movie we end up seeing.'
With a grateful smile at Zexion Axel let out a shaky breath when the flighty girls lost interest and skipped inside with Demyx between them. Looking over at Roxas to try and gauge his mood Axel was surprised to see that the blonde was grinning rather impishly and he nearly died of shock when Roxas took his hand and laced their fingers together before dragging him into the brightly lit foyer of the cinema.
The four walls of stained marble that confined Reno no longer seemed to be entirely solid. Inside the mind of the man who had become a monster reality was becoming more and more insubstantial. Deep inside the man's mind however, behind the layers of slavering insanity, Reno replayed his conversation with Seifer like a mental touchstone. Soon he was going to be free of the hellhole that had been his home for so long, and when he escaped there would be nothing that could stand between him and his son. Reno's lips peeled back from his teeth in a vacant smile that contained no humor but every promise of pain.
At the same time that Reno was enjoying thoughts of escape from Hollow Bastion, Seifer was making sure that all his plans were in motion and on track. When he had left the Bastion after his visit with Reno, Seifer had gone straight to find the woman that he thought of as his contact with the Destiny Islands underworld. It had taken longer than he had hoped but eventually Seifer had found himself face to face with the girl known as Fujin and she led him silently through a series of winding alleyways to the headquarters of the leader of Dusk.
Seifer had been loosely involved with the gang called Dusk long before he ever met Reno but his illicit substance use had spiked when he began hanging out with the redhead. After a few years of being high as a kite and eventually having to plagiarize massively to complete his PhD Seifer had forced himself to go cold turkey when Reno had been arrested and convicted, outwardly turning his life around. Away from prying eyes however Seifer maintained convert ties to the shadowy underworld.
When he finally left the rundown building that served as a base for Dusk, Seifer drifted slowly back to his house. The past seemed to be coming back to bite him but a part of Seifer mused that the past must have had its teeth pulled because the bite didn't hurt at all. By the time he wandered into his own lounge and folded onto the couch however, Seifer found his mind opening doors to memories that he had tried very hard to suppress.
'It' had happened 8 years ago but the images were still fresh in Seifer's mind. Even though he had shoved the memories out of his brain for nearly a decade Seifer found them tucked away as bright and beguiling as ever. Sitting on the sagging sofa that he had owned forever Seifer fell away from the real world and into a treasured memory.
His day was looking up, college was finished for the day and he was now on his way to see Reno for what promised to be an excellent evening. Seifer barely registered that he would be arriving almost 3 hours early due to a teacher's only half day, he just wanted to get to Reno's and let his guard fall away. Strolling down the long path to his friend's large house Seifer pulled up short when he caught a glimpse of something odd through the front window.
Slowing his step Seifer stalked cautiously towards the house and edged into the shrubbery that blocked half of the front window. The sight he saw through the grimy windowpane froze the man to the spot and tapped into a side of him that he never knew existed. The blonde man could see Reno and 9 year old Axel in the dimly lit lounge, Axel standing with his back pressed hard against the wall and Reno standing over his son with an indecipherable look on his normally grinning face.
Unable to move, Seifer could only watch as Axel's expression changed from worried to terrified and the unreadable look on Reno's face became twisted and wolfish. Reno's hand clamped down hard on Axel's shoulder to stop the boy from moving and Seifer's breath caught in his throat when he saw Reno's other hand trail down the boy's cheek and neck. Caught in the sheer disbelief of the moment Seifer watched mutely as Reno's hand continued to make its way down Axel's thin chest.
A strange tendril of sensation awoke in Seifer's gut as he watched Reno grab his son's throat roughly and rip his shirt from neck to waist, a sensation that felt suspiciously like lust. Though he was unaware of it Seifer's breath was coming faster and he let out a little sigh when Reno dropped to his knees in front of Axel who was now trembling uncontrollably. Moving a little so he could get a better view Seifer was still alert enough to muffle his footsteps making sure that no one heard his movements.
Teeth buried in his lip so he wouldn't make a noise Seifer watched breathlessly as Reno held Axel against the wall by his throat and shuffled forward on his knees until they were pressed together chest to chest. Reno whispered something in the younger redhead's ear that made him jerk against the wall and that was when Reno shoved his hand down the boy's shorts. Seifer leaned closer to the window and imagined that he could hear the whine that surely forced its way between the boy's trembling lips.
For an immeasurable amount of time Seifer drank in the depraved spectacle in front of him, avidly committing every detail to memory. Finally Reno retrieved his hand and even though Seifer couldn't hear it he could see the man was spitting venomous words into Axel's face. The blonde man pinned the redheaded child with his gaze and watched with his mouth half open as Axel's eyes filled with tears and his face changed from blank disassociation to crumpled anguish.
Reno snarled a few more words that drained the color from Axel's face and Seifer watched closely as the boy slowly shook his head. With suddenness that would have startled anyone else Reno's face took on a feral look and he unloaded a punch that hurled Axel off his feet and left him lying groggily on the floor. At this point Seifer's memory began to fade and he came back to reality with a warm feeling in his chest and arousal burning in the pit of his stomach.
The real world filtered back into Seifer's consciousness and he groaned at the crick in his neck. The first thing he noticed on coming back to himself was that it was pitch black and the clock in the hall was loudly striking 2am. Like a zombie Seifer staggered to his feet and lurched off to the bedroom. Somewhere in the back of his mind the blonde man wondered if maybe Reno might actually, knowingly, allow him to watch the next time.
Once again Axel was pleasantly shocked by the synchronicity that happened within the odd-ball group of teens because picking the movie took less than a minute and everyone was happy with the choice. The second that Kairi yelled out that there was a movie adaption of the Terry Pratchett book The Wee Free Men, looks were exchanged throughout the group and consensus was reached almost without a word. Filing into the cinema they all followed Demyx as he chose the very back row and sat down right in the middle.
The lights went down and Axel looked furtively over at the row of people next to him. He was sitting at one end of the line of friends next to Roxas and then there was Namine, Kairi, Demyx and finally Zexion. Axel watched, feeling like a naturalist observing a rare species, as Demyx fought with Zexion over the popcorn and Namine bitched about the quality of the CGI in the trailers. Getting a little introspective Axel found regret rising in him for not having tried to make friends sooner.
Apparently Axel had lost his touch for keeping emotions from showing on his face as he felt Roxas' hand steal over to hold his own. Looking up he saw faint worry glittering in the other teen's expressive blue eyes. Getting a grip Axel conjured up a smile and squeezed Roxas' fingers gently in an attempt to reassure him he was okay. Engaging again with the real world Axel somehow managed to get into a trailer based pun competition with Zexion through the medium of Chinese Whispers and before the movie even started they were asked by an irritated usher to quieten the hell down.
Then the movie actually began and they fell into a silence brought about by pure awe. Axel later theorized that everyone in their group had a chemical in the brain that allowed full appreciation of the genius of Terry Pratchett, because from the opening credits they were all spell-bound at the fantastic translation of a wonderful written universe into film. When the doors opened 2 hours later they all stumbled out leaning against each other, unable to even give voice to the wonder of what they had just seen.
Roxas was so happy to be having a problem-free night out with his friends that he felt like he was floating an inch off the ground. He had a moment of concern when he noticed Axel staring at the screen with a melancholy look on his face but it warmed his heart when just the touch of his hand pulled his boyfriend (oh Gaia, actually his boyfriend) out of his thoughts. Being part of a long distance pun contest bound the group in laughter and Roxas found he didn't even care about the chastising tone of the usher who came to shush them.
The experience of being transported to a familiar and well-loved universe was so much more enjoyable when it was with like-minded people and Roxas didn't even feel self-conscious when the movie brought him to tears multiple times; perhaps it had something to do with the fact that there wasn't a dry eye in their row. Sighing sadly when the fantastical wonder was over Roxas used Axel and Kairi to humorously prop him up on the way back to the foyer.
While everyone took a moment to recover from the stunning effect of their favourite author being elevated to the silver screen Roxas was trying to think of ways to prolong the amazing evening. They had made no concrete plans to do anything after the movie but a little smile lit Roxas' face as he thought up the perfect end to a perfect night. Turning to the band of space-cadets he called his friends Roxas said, 'Hey guys, it's not even 10 o'clock yet and if I went home now the heaters Ven left on wouldn't have even begun to start warming the house. I was thinking we should hit up that new coffee shop on the next block, I've heard amazing things about their delicious flavours…'
The magic word 'coffee' seemed to snap everyone out of their daze and soon the air was thick with eager agreement. Demyx and Kairi once again proved to be the perkiest of the group frolicking comically with each other in front of the others, but Roxas was happy walking hand in hand with Axel between the silent grins of Zexion and Namine. To Roxas' delight Axel seemed to have unwound a bit and also had a shy smile brightening his green eyes.
Their arrival at the coffee shop was heralded by Kairi letting out a ridiculous yodelling victory cry that had them all gasping with laughter, Demyx actually collapsing onto Zexion in hysterics. Posed dramatically in front of the door Kairi sighed impatiently and muttered, 'If you keep me from my caffeine any longer I swear I will elinguate each and every one of you!'
Roxas' laughter trailed off along with Zexion, Demyx and Namine and they looked at each other, puzzled at the meaning of the threat they could tell was bad, but not exactly how bad. Axel was the only one who looked horrified and clamped his hand over his mouth saying in a very muffled voice, 'Dude, get in that coffee shop, I'd like to keep my tongue thank you very much. Gaia have patience, you obviously never studied the Spanish Inquisition. Elinguation, cutting out your tongue…'
Roxas took the initiative and shoved the glowering Kairi into the brightly lit shop to order as quickly as possible. Breathing a sigh of relief he turned to Axel and said emphatically, 'You have no idea what you saved us from Axel. Kairi has a habit of thinking up obscure threats when she's caffeine deprived that she usually finds some way of making good on. Dammit, I thought it meant taking, um taking away our lings? No, I really had no idea.'
Bonded by the thought of a tongueless existence narrowly avoided, Roxas and Axel shared a look of slightly disturbed relief and hand in hand they followed the others into the coffee shop. Despite Kairi's self-proclaimed terminal lack of caffeine she was taking her time to decide what to have which meant everyone else was in no hurry to make up their mind either. Watching with fascination Roxas listened as his friends all tried to convince each other that their personal favourite drink was the best ever.
As usual Demyx was the loudest in declaring that his lemon, honey and ginger tea with extra ginger was both classy and clearly the tastiest, but for once Zexion was being just as loud with his claim that nothing tasted better than a pumpkin spiced latté if it was made as advertised with real pumpkin. In her typical quiet voice Namine cut through the conversation by asserting that anything less than a triple shot, triple chocolate mochaccino was utter blasphemy and Kairi for once was silent as her mouth was already full of her eye-wateringly spicy Mexican hot chocolate.
Roxas folded his arms and looked at his friends with a mock expression of contempt and stated in an uncompromising tone, 'Shame on you all. I can't believe I'm friends with such a gaggle of misguided idiots. Everyone knows, deep in their heart of hearts, that the very best drink ever invented, unsurpassed in annals of history is the incomparable Salted Caramel Latté. Hey! What do you think you're doing?'
The last questioning exclamation happened because, ignoring all the debate going on around him, Axel had simply stepped up to the bemused but patiently waiting barista and said loudly, 'I would like the most popular drink on your menu please, and thank you for ignoring the, uh, intelligent conversation.'
Roxas stared at Axel with wide eyes, he hadn't seen the redhead act so nonchalant and relaxed before, not even around Ventus. Snorting along with the rest of the group and absentmindedly patting Kairi on the back as she choked on her drink Roxas also gave way to laughter at the calm reply from the girl behind the counter, 'Certainly sir, that will be one, exceedingly popular and widely acclaimed, Coconut Pecan Hazelnut Mocha coming right up. And may I commend you on your excellent taste.'
In a happy haze Roxas sipped his delicious drink with his awesome friends and soaked in the unadulterated happiness of the moment. He kept an eye on Axel surreptitiously for a short while but when Namine loudly asked him if he would be her model again for her next art project Roxas spluttered into his drink and trained a red hot glare on the beaming blonde girl. With Kairi laughing her head off at 'girly model-boy Roxie-poo' Roxas turned his full attention to saving his manly reputation.
Taking a swig of his Nutty-McNutnut drink as Kairi had dubbed it Axel smiled and finally relaxed fully. He just had time to briefly savour the full wonderful flavour of his drink when Zexion suddenly departed for the bathroom and Demyx purposefully slid into the vacant seat. To avoid the embarrassment of choking on his drink Axel painfully swallowed the scalding mouthful and then bit his tongue to refrain from gasping at the boiling feeling going down. At a loss as to what to say to Demyx despite their tentatively polite interaction Axel settled for nodding cautiously.
To Axel's surprise the first thing that came out of Demyx's mouth sounded both regretful and remarkably sincere as he said, 'I don't often admit that I'm wrong, but dude I was really wrong to say the shit I said to you that night at Roxas'. When we got back to Zexion's he sat me down and told me about what was happening with your dad before you split from the group and he told me how he watched things basically turn to shit for you afterwards. I'm not sure if I deserve it, but can you forgive me for being a judgemental asswipe?'
Axel didn't hesitate and simply nodded his head firmly. A small smile tugged at his mouth and he replied, 'If I'm honest I would have probably been harsher if I had been in your position. Despite what Ventus and now Roxas seem to believe, I don't think I really deserve to be forgiven for what I did and having you apologize for something I feel was pretty justified is doing my head in. Can we just agree that it's in the past and if Roxas can be as forgiving as he is then we can too?'
Demyx snorted to show that he didn't necessarily agree with Axel's assessment but he nodded yes to the idea of starting again and not looking back. The expression on his face turned thoughtful and the blonde twiddled with his mullet indecisively for a second before blurting out, 'Stop me if I sound obnoxiously nosey or you want me to shut the fuck up, but I was wondering if you could maybe tell me a little more about all this shit? Zex didn't want to betray your trust which I get, but I figured that I could ask and you could tell me to take a hike if you wanted. I really do want to get my head around how Zex and even Roxas can get all compassionate over you and your situation.'
Wrong-footed by the turn the conversation had taken Axel blinked and took a second to analyse the real meaning behind the other boy's words, detachedly musing that the teen appeared to be genuine in his intentions. The seed of trust that Roxas had planted within him over the past weeks drove Axel to take a chance and he sighed softly saying, 'You probably know that when I was younger um, my dad got sent to prison. Did Zexion tell you why?'
When Demyx shook his head Axel looked down at the table and mumbled, 'He'd been beating me for years but when I was 11 he completely flipped out when he had a knife in his hand. Even though he got put away it fucked me up, pretty much beyond repair and it didn't help that the so called professionals didn't give a crap. From there it was the usual story, drugs and drink, alone all the time, typical emo kid shit I guess.'
Looking at Demyx who was listening intently Axel smiled a wry smile, 'I never blamed Zexion and our group for cutting me loose because I did a damn fine job of driving them away all on my own. All that time Zex was feeling guilty for ditching me I was feeling like I deserved nothing more than isolation, quarantine I guess you could call it. I was quarantining myself so no one else could catch the terminal bug I thought of as Axel's Poison.'
Axel chuckled under his breath and rolled his eyes, forgetting that this conversation should have been awkward as fuck. He continued mockingly, 'I know, I know, I seriously couldn't have been any more emo if I'd tried but that's how my screwed up brain worked for going on 3 years. Sometimes I still can't believe my life and I wake up thinking all this never happened and everything is back how it was before the crash.'
Sitting back in his seat and falling silent Axel watched Demyx from under lowered lashes and waited for either the scorn, false understanding or outright incomprehension to fall on his head. The redhead almost swallowed his tongue when Demyx mirrored his motion of leaning back in his chair and in a subdued manner quite unlike his usual self sighed, 'I didn't know. I know that's no excuse at all, but I honestly had no idea. I'll say it 1 more time before we actually leave it in the past, I'm sorry man. At least this thing has made damn sure I'll never be a knee-jerk, judgemental douchenozzle again.'
Afterwards Axel couldn't recall much else of the evening even when he wracked his brain but he was pretty sure that he would remember forever the warm feeling that filled him when Demyx looked up and offered a lopsided smile along with his hand. Like he was in a dream Axel shook Demyx's hand and somehow the conversation turned effortlessly to Demyx's obsession with his 'freaking awesome sitar', ending up in an involved discussion about how if Demyx could find a singer and songwriter he would destroy the song charts and take over the world.
A day and a night after the wonderful night at the movies Axel found his life continuing its trend of fucking awesome. Early on Sunday morning he distributed a round of coffees to the snoring Hakunetsu brothers and quietly left to go and get some work done in Aqua's garden. Axel had found out during his first day of odd-jobbing that Ventus hadn't been lying about the state of Aqua's jungle-like yard but when his mind was right he found it cathartic to get covered in dirt and work until he was sore. This particular Sunday he was actually looking forward to the pitched battle that passed for gardening.
Walking up the long path to the house and knocking on the door Axel waited patiently until he heard the crashing of Aqua's progress down the hall. The door swung open silently and Axel stepped in to see and definitely hear that Aqua was in the middle of a heated phone conversation. Trying not to listen Axel stared at the eye-popping, black and white wallpaper until Aqua flicked him on the shoulder and held the phone away from her ear with her hand over the mouthpiece.
Axel smirked at the exaggerated eye roll from the blue-haired girl and nodded obligingly at her request for him to get started on moving the pile of broken tile in the corner of the garden over into the skip bin. Hurrying back out the door before the volatile phone call bubbled over again Axel thanked the gods for the cool winter air when he saw the sheer scale of the tile mountain. For once deciding to indulge in some planning before jumping into the task Axel circled the heap and tried to calculate the best place to start.
Green eyes narrowed as Axel evaluated the daunting task and then his inspection revealed a spot around the side where the tiles were fractured into slightly smaller pieces than the rest of the stack. Not wasting any more time Axel pulled on his thick gloves, grabbed an armful of the broken stone and after letting out an incredulous huff at the weight of his cargo, began ferrying the tiles load by load to the skip. Quickly the redhead realized that he was going to blow a valve if he tried to go too fast so he halved the size of each lot and set himself a steady pace.
Axel was so absorbed with his task that when Aqua's hand fell on his shoulder he jumped almost a foot in the air. His reaction was so extreme that Aqua let out a startled scream and then immediately threw her hands up to cover her mouth. The redhead and bluette stared at each other for a second and then simultaneously broke into breathless howls of laughter. Axel was laughing so hard that he had to wrap his arms around his midriff to stop his ribs aching and it was at the point that his shoulders screamed in pain to let him know that he couldn't get away with the exertion he had just put his body through.
Though he thought he had hidden it well Aqua obviously caught the flash of pain that passed across Axel's face as she immediately stopped laughing and looked guilty. Axel found himself propelled in the direction of the porch as Aqua spluttered, 'Oh shit Axel you dope, I didn't mean for you to move that many huge tiles all on your own. I thought you would see the sledgehammer over at the edge of the pile and break each piece into little bits before even trying to lift them.'
Axel opened his mouth but before he could say anything Aqua asked, 'How the hell did you manage to get any of it off the ground? I tried the other day and even the small bits weighed a ton. You must be stronger than you look Mr Skinny, no offense, because you moved half a freaking ton in just the time I was on the phone. No wonder you look like you've been hit by a truck.'
Pushed gently into a chair on the deck Axel finally got a word in edgewise saying, 'I've always have been stronger than I look. It's because I practice with my chakram most days. My ancestor used to fight with it in the Halloween Town Wars and I decided I wanted to learn how to use it. It'll sound strange if you haven't seen one, but chakram is a circlet of sharpened solid steel with spikes on it and it weighs a metric shittonne. I can show it to you sometime when you come over to see Ventus if you want…'
Here Axel's babble was cut off as Aqua had suddenly turned into a slavering fangirl. Clasping her hands in front of her chest and bouncing up and down the bluette squealed, 'Shiva wept Axel, that's so cool! I collect antique weapons and I have a battered old chakram somewhere in my collection. I'd love to see one in all its curvy, spiky glory!'
In her enthusiasm Aqua forgot about Axel's sore muscles and reached over to squeeze his shoulder, grasping him hard enough to elicit an agonised groan. Immediately contrite Aqua cried, 'Fuck, I'm sorry! Let me grab something to put on those arms that will stop the pain. I'll see if I can find my bottle of Antiflam.'
Axel's head was whirling with Aqua's exhausting energy so he barely took in her words as she dashed off inside. When the blue haired girl returned however Axel swore silently but virulently because if Aqua was going to be putting Antiflam on his arms, said arms would need to be deprived of their cloth coverings. Like a deer in the headlights Axel stared at Aqua as she returned waving a purple tube triumphantly.
Either due to Aqua's overwhelming personality, or more likely because of the cumulative influence the Hakunetsus were having on him, Axel found himself unable to flat out decline the medicated balm. Raising his hands he stuttered for a few seconds but a cold barrier within him was melting and Axel found that he didn't want to lie to the sweet girl who only wanted to make his pain better. Even though Axel was unaware of it, his inner defences were slowly but surely being dismantled.
Reaching a decision Axel took a deep breath and caught Aqua's eye for a second before glancing away and saying, 'Look, um, I, uh would rather put that on myself. It's not something I talk about or anything but, well, uh, I cut myself and my arms are a bit of a mess. Shit, I've only talked to Rox about this stuff so I don't really know what to say but it's not really nice to look at 'kay?'
Axel heard the light intake of breath at his words but didn't look up. His revelation had been in the spur of the moment and as soon as the words had left his lips he was second guessing the wisdom of his decision. Bad Red crept back into his thoughts without so much as a by your leave whispering, 'What the hell were you thinking you craptacular fuck-stain? (Axel was sure that Bad Red had an extensive dictionary of vulgar insults stashed away in his brain somewhere.) Searching for sympathy votes? Or were you simply trying to drive this chick away with the sheer force of your emo-fail?'
As usual Axel had no answer for the vindictive little voice inside his head but this time his inner one-sided debate was cut short by a voice outside of his mind. Somewhat closer than Axel had thought she was Aqua spoke up and in a soft voice saying, 'I don't really know what to say either Axel, but I know how hard it must have been to say that. To be honest if it won't freak you out I'm still happy to put the ointment on the sore bits you can't reach; I have a friend who harms herself... I guess it's been a very long time since scars have fazed me.'
The silence stretched out as Axel tried bewilderedly to reconcile what he had expected Aqua to say with what she had actually said. Forcing himself past the cognitive dissonance Axel raised his gaze to meet Aqua's worried eyes and said vehemently, 'I swear Ventus must emit a cloud of pure Mindfuck as he walks around. I don't know who I am anymore, Roxas went from vengeful to reasonable in 10 seconds flat and now his friends are ignoring everything I've done in their haste to embrace me into their lives.'
Burying his face in his hands Axel continued in a muffled voice, 'I just don't get how people who know him and know what I did can even look at me, let alone bother to get to know me. And then people as close to him as you and Rox even find it in yourselves to feel compassion… I just don't fucking get it!'
Looking down at the trembling redhead teen in front of her Aqua felt a wave of empathy sweep through her and she couldn't stop herself from kneeling down and wrapping her arms gently round Axel's shoulders. Like Axel she had wondered for a while now just how Ventus and Roxas had arrived at their current level of affection for someone who had come so close to tearing their little family apart, but having spent even a short time with Axel she now understood. Just by looking at Axel Aqua could sense something shining out from within the boy and after talking to him she knew that there was something undeniably special beneath the tarnish that life had put on his brightness.
Confidently and calmly Aqua said, 'It's because we can see something in you Axel, something special that you can't see yourself. I've only known you for a couple of weeks and already I can see that you're more than you think you are. Hanging around Ventus I've picked up a lot from his encyclopaedic knowledge of the human mind, and I can tell you think you're just a loser druggie blah, blah, just from the way you talk about yourself… But I don't agree with that assessment at all okay? I think Roxas is right to hang on to you.'
Axel went totally still and for a moment Aqua wondered if she had gone too far. The bluette had time to bite her lip in worry before the boy shuddered and his shaking arms crept up to return the hug. Though Axel couldn't seem to find words, Aqua could feel an almost tangible aura of gratitude and relief being delivered through the medium of the hug. The pair stayed where they were, both giving and receiving comfort until a clock inside chimed midday, shaking them out of the moment.
Gently Aqua disentangled herself from the hug and her mouth fell open when she saw what Axel was doing. Eyes firmly fixed on his long fingers, Axel was slowly but decisively rolling up his right sleeve to the shoulder. When the teen had finished on his right arm he moved on to the left and Aqua tried not to stare as Axel's extensive scarring was bared to the light. Still not looking at Aqua Axel stated quietly, 'It's the back of my arms that hurt the worst, and my biceps aren't doing so well either. I can do the front of my arms but I don't think I can stretch around to the back without my arms falling off.'
Giving in to the urge to smile Aqua boldly reached forward and flicked Axel's chin, causing the teen to jerk his head up and look at her again. Squeezing a liberal amount of ointment onto her fingers Aqua gestured for Axel to hold out his arms and said, 'Don't be silly, this balm is really annoying to get off your fingers. Just be quiet and I'll be done in a minute.'
Interpreting the long sigh from Axel as a yes, Aqua gently began to massage the Antiflam into Axel's muscles, absently noting the strange feel of the uneven skin below her fingers. Rubbing the ointment in firmly on the lower part of Axel's biceps Aqua lightened her touch as she moved towards his shoulder, delicately smoothing balm around the bandages still in place on his arm. Though Aqua worked quickly and with great care, Axel was shaking again by the time she finished.
Aqua wiped her hands on her pants to get the rest of the ointment off and tried to think of a way to break the tension. Casting around for a topic of conversation Aqua went for a long shot and sat cross-legged on the deck saying, 'Axel, what if we talk about something so awkward it will make us forget the last few minutes ever happened? I mean we go back to yard work if you want, but I think you need a little more rest before you tackle the tiles again.'
While Aqua was applying balm to his arms, actually touching his bare skin, Axel was trying to squash his building anxiety and not freak out on an epic scale. He hadn't showed his scars to anyone but Roxas before and even then he had only revealed a small part of his wrist. His mind side-slipping briefly Axel wondered, with a certain amount of melancholy, if the carnage that covered his upper back and shoulders would stay hidden forever.
The delicacy and care he felt in Aqua's hands made Axel focus on the here-and-now and though he was observing furtively but intently he couldn't detect a single ounce of hesitation or distaste in the girl's touch. Although he couldn't actually remember the last time he impulsively trusted someone like this before Roxas, Axel found that despite the strangeness of it all he actually felt better for a lack of more sophisticated word. The cognitive dissonance between what Axel expected to be feeling and what he was actually feeling manifested itself in small but uncontrollable tremors that shook his whole body.
Once again the wisdom of Aqua's assessment of the situation left Axel slightly stunned but he sensed something going on behind the woman's words. Wanting to somehow give back to Aqua after she had shown him such consideration Axel quickly weighed his options and chose boldness asking softly, 'What's wrong Aqua? Is there something I can help with? I may not be a psychology whizz like Ventus but I can tell that you want to talk about something that's bothering you in quite a big way.'
It was Aqua's turn to look startled and Axel bit his lip to avoid chuckling at the wide-eyed look on her face. For a moment Axel thought that Aqua was going to chicken out on taking her turn to open up but the bluette took a deep breath and said very quickly, 'IhavefeelingsforsomeonethatIkindofshouldn'thavefeelingsforandIdon'tknowiftheyfeelthesameorifthey'lltellmetofuckrightoffiftheyfindout!'
With an empathetic look on his face Axel took a second to translate the high speed babble and then nodded in commiseration sighing lightly. In a tone of mild questioning he caught Aqua's eye and said, 'Do you want to tell me who it is Aqua? You don't have to you know but I'd like to help if I can. If you think I'm being nosey don't hesitate to tell me to shut the hell up though.'
Axel looked quizzically at Aqua as the woman's face slowly turned so red that he started to worry that her head would explode. Aqua's eyes darted all over the place, everywhere except Axel, and all at once she blurted out, 'It's Ventus okay, it's bloody Ventus!'
While Aqua buried her face in her hands and squeaked incoherently Axel blinked vacantly at nothing for a second before shaking his head to snap himself out of it. Giving himself a mental slap Axel forced himself not overthink things and simply let the words come out, 'Aqua, something I've realized over the last month or so is that life is just too damn short to sit and wonder. At risk of not being invited back to break my spine in your garden you just need to suck it up and tell him. Life isn't going to wait for you to get it together and regret really sucks arse y'know.'
In the silence following his bold words Axel watched the bluette carefully and with no small amount of trepidation. His honest statement was well received however and after a comical double take, Aqua cracked up laughing and flung her arms round his neck. Shyly returning the hug Axel found that he was really starting to like this 'human interaction' he had heard so much about and when Aqua jumped up to take on the garden again he readily followed to join the battle again.
Roxas had started a wonderful Sunday with the coffee that Axel had left him, spending most of the morning luxuriating in bed with his favorite music playing quietly. Finally deciding at midday that he had had enough sloth Roxas hauled himself out of his warm blankets and wandered out to the lounge to find that Ventus had made it to the couch on his own and was chuckling at the horrendous daytime TV available on Sundays. Plopping himself down next to his brother Roxas was soon giggling at the atrocious human beings showcased on 'So You Want To Sex Your Way To A Million Dollars'.
The afternoon was wonderfully quiet and pressure-free, allowing Roxas to relax and simply enjoy spending time with his big brother. Bonding over reality TV would never have made the top of the list in Ventus' psychology texts on relationship building but for Roxas it sure as hell beat bonding over mutual trauma. By the time the credits rolled on the collection of perverted, wannabe TV-personalities Roxas was comfortably curled up under Ventus' arm, nestled into his brother's side with a lazy smile on his face.
2 reality shows and 1 eye-wateringly strong coffee later Roxas rolled onto his back so that his head was in Ventus' lap and he was looking up into his brother's face. Still smiling his contented smile Roxas murmured, 'This is nice Ven, I've missed our trashy TV sessions. You look better too, are you feeling better?'
Ventus returned Roxas' smile and gently ran his fingers through the teen's feathery spikes of hair. Letting out a comfortable sigh Ventus replied, 'Yeah Rox, on all levels. My ribs are just about back to normal unless I'm stupid enough to stretch or laugh too hard and my leg is nowhere near as agonizing as it was even 2 weeks ago. I don't feel like I have to bust a gut to keep this weird little household together and to be honest, seeing you smile properly again has made my freaking year.'
The smile on Roxas' face grew a little bit watery and he sat up to give Ventus a proper hug. The brothers were still clutching each other tight in an embrace of mutual comfort when the door swung open with a creak to reveal something that could have Axel, or it could have been a mud monster from the bottom of a swamp. After a playful little shove from Ventus Roxas rolled to his feet and hurried over to his exhausted boyfriend, slipping an arm around Axel's waist and assisting him in the direction of the bathroom.
On the painfully slow trip to the bathroom Roxas took in Axel's appearance and mused that the redhead looked as though he had been attacked by the whole inventoryof a malevolent garden centre. From the top of Axel's head to the soles of his feet Roxas could see either muddy globs, leaf mould or clumps of shredded grass and there were scratches on the teen's hands that had not been there the night before. At Axel's mute plea Roxas gracefully bowed out to let his boyfriend have a shower and he wandered off to the kitchen after having the epiphany of making a hot drink for them both.
Roxas was back and seated on Axel's bed for barely a minute before the door swung open and the apparition that walked in nearly made the blonde swallow his tongue. Axel's face was obscured as he was vigorously drying his hair and he had only thrown on a tight, black, long-sleeved t-shirt, having opted to simply wrap a towel around his narrow waist. Roxas' blue eyes opened so wide that they looked like they could fall out of his head and he was still gawking like an idiot when Axel raked his hair back and looked up to meet his gaze.
Intent on avoiding a catastrophic nosebleed Roxas was busy trying to think of something, anything else when Axel glanced up and stared straight at him. The look on Axel's face was unlike anything Roxas had seen before, the redhead seeming to know exactly what was in Roxas' mind and he smiled slowly, a smile that exuded sensuality and suggestiveness. Roxas felt his breath catch in his throat and he watched like a rabbit hypnotized by a snake as Axel strolled closer.
Wide blue eyes watched intently, transfixed by the sway of Axel's hips and the smooth motion of his muscles as he walked and Roxas only came out of his trance when Axel leant forward and placed his hands on either side of his thighs bringing their faces together almost close enough to touch. Roxas couldn't help the shaky sigh that escaped him as Axel's warm breath blew against his cheek and he also couldn't help unconsciously leaning in toward the gorgeous redhead. Axel's lips almost touched Roxas' ear and he whispered breathily, 'Roooooxasss… Could you turn around so that I can regain my modesty and put some pants on?'
The tension abruptly broke and Roxas hurt his nose snorting with laughter. Placing his open palm over Axel's face Roxas pushed the teen away playfully and turned around, light-heartedly flipping the duvet up over his head as a signal that he wouldn't peek. Behind the duvet-swathed blonde came the whispery sound of fabric on skin and a second later Roxas jumped to find himself pinned in the blanket and wrestled onto the bed to the sounds of Axel snickering.
A brief struggle broke out with Axel trying to contain Roxas like a bird in a blanket and Roxas wriggling like a snake to escape the thick material. Roxas was on the verge of bursting free when he heard a choked groan from the other teen and he stopped his thrashing at once, sliding out of the now released blanket to look questioningly at the redhead. Axel was sitting cross-legged at the head of the bed attempting to hold both his arms at once and when he saw Roxas looking at him he gave a wry smile and beckoned the blonde over with one finger.
Roxas scooted up the bed and sat next to Axel, careful not to bump him in any way. When Roxas was comfortably situated Axel grimaced and said, 'Never let yourself get talked into gardening without seeing the garden first okay? Aqua is great and all but she sucks at giving instructions. Today I was meant to be moving a pile of broken tiles from the garden into the skip, but she forgot to tell me that I was totally allowed to break them up smaller with a sledgehammer. Just now I kind of forgot that my arms are on the point of falling off from lugging a fucking tonne of stone all over the place.'
Wincing in sympathy Roxas reached out and petted Axel's red mane of hair gently. In a burst of inspiration he bent and peered up into Axel's face and asked, 'Would you like a massage? I took an after school course about a year ago so at risk of sounding conceited I would say that I'm quite good at getting munted muscles to relax. If it doesn't make it any better I'll stop obviously, but if I use some Tiger Balm it might help some.'
It made Roxas' heart glow a little when Axel smiled and nodded without hesitation and he jumped up to grab the Tiger Balm from the bathroom cupboard. Returning quickly to the bedroom Roxas carefully crawled back up the bed and edged his way over to sit in front of Axel who was still sitting in the same spot clutching his aching arms. Shyly Roxas asked, 'Are you okay to roll up your sleeves? I mean, I can just massage your lower arms if you like… Honestly though I just hate seeing you flinch every time you move your arms and I'd like to help if you'll let me.'
In answer to Roxas' earnest question Axel forwent a verbal answer and averted his gaze to the bed, determinedly rolling his sleeves up to his shoulders for the second time that day before he could talk himself out of it. Acting as if it were no big deal Roxas scooped up a small glob of balm and began to knead the taut muscle in Axel's right forearm. Roxas kept his face carefully neutral but really he was taking in every sensation of the skin beneath his sensitive fingers.
Eyes fixed on his skilled hands Roxas drank in the interlaced pattern of scarring that almost completely covered Axel's skin. While he massaged the balm into the skin and muscle Roxas used the tips of his fingers to explore the texture of the scarring and was interested to notice that each scar felt like a silky smooth mound raised up against the normal skin. Keenly aware of the tension emanating from Axel Roxas tried to keep moving and worked his way up past the other teen's elbow.
The scarring on Axel's upper arm was much more extensive than lower down and Roxas had to bite his tongue to keep from making a sound of distress. From Axel's elbow to his shoulder the scars covered every inch of skin and even built into uneven accumulations where he had placed new scars over old. Massaging with infinite delicacy Roxas worked to loosen Axel's painfully tight muscles, deciding to work in silence until Axel was comfortable enough to break the silence himself.
Axel couldn't believe it, he had bared his always hidden arms twice in one day and the world hadn't collapsed in screaming and flames. Showing his arms to Roxas so soon after being brave enough to bare them to Aqua, a relative stranger, was stretching the limits of Axel's daring, but deep within himself he could feel significant parts of his internal defences being eroded away. Unable to think of a single word to say that wouldn't sound nauseatingly cheesy Axel settled for staying silent as Roxas massaged his poor, overused arms back to some semblance of life.
Finally Roxas finished with the now relaxed tricep of Axel's left arm and went to go and put the Tiger Balm away. Before the blonde could slide off the bed however Axel's hand shot out and he pulled Roxas into an embrace, kissing him lightly on the lips. After kissing Roxas thoroughly and gently Axel pulled back a little and said quietly, 'I don't deserve you Rox, but I'm damn sure going to try and make myself worthy of being with you. I just… I don't even have the words for how fucking special you are.'
Axel saw a small smile tug at Roxas' lips and without preamble the blonde shoved the tube of balm onto the bedside table and moved forward to claim another kiss. Wrapping his arms around Roxas and feeling the blonde's arms encircle him in return, Axel lost himself in the taste and feel of his boyfriend's lips and tongue. An indeterminable amount of time later Axel found himself lying comfortably on the bed with Roxas snuggled under his arm like he was made to be there. Overwhelmed by an alien feeling of contentment Axel let himself soak in the peace of the moment, which only increased when Roxas wrapped his arm around his waist and sighed.