Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended.

Thanks to the lovelies mcc101180 & thir13enth from PTB for their beta skills!

A/N: As I said last chapter, this is NOT a Bella/Jacob story, but if you dislike Jacob you might want to skip this one too.

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BPOV

I woke up with Jacob holding me from behind, and I didn't want to get up. Jacob's breathing on my neck, his arms around me, felt… good— safe. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and pressed my back closer to his chest. My eyes shot open as I felt more of Jacob than I wanted to. His breathing changed, and I felt him lift his head. I closed my eyes, hoping he wouldn't know I was awake. And then it happened, Jake deliberately smelled the hair behind my neck and caressed my shoulder. He sighed and, with a grunt, moved his wood away from me, getting up from the bed. When he left the room, the bed suddenly felt cold and not as comfy anymore.

What the hell is wrong with me? This is Jacob! Jake!

I tried to clear my head.

Guys get morning wood all the time, right? Right?

I had been avoiding thinking about how Jacob felt about me. Mainly because I only saw him as a friend. Did he feel something for me? Could I feel different about him? I wanted him to stay in bed and hold me longer. Does that mean I want something more? This was the first time I even considered thinking of him as anything more than my friend.

Ever since he kissed me, I remembered feeling pissed, like he took advantage of our friendship, like it ruined everything. But I never stopped to think how I could possibly feel about him. I knew I wanted Jake in my life, as a friend. I couldn't really feel anything different for him. I was hopelessly in love with Edward. Were Edward's feelings for completely platonic? Was he ever going to be able to be with me? Edward hadn't answered any of my letters. Should I try to get over him? Was he over me? Scratch that… was he ever even into me?

The weekend ended in a blur. I was caught up in my head with all these thoughts about Edward and Jacob. I kept writing to Edward but still received no response. Two weeks went by and I barely saw Jacob. Whenever I saw him at school, he was distant and avoided me. It was pissing me off.

On Saturday, Mike said he talked to Jacob and agreed to hang out at Earl's. I couldn't deny I was excited to see him. I missed my friends. Mike, Jessica, Angela, Eric and I were sitting at a table at Earl's when Jacob arrived, holding hands with a girl. She was tall and tan, with short dark hair.

"Hi, guys. Remember Leah?" Jacob said. Leah waved at us with a shy smile as Jacob got chairs for them. I remembered Leah; she was that girl from Angela's birthday party. Jacob acknowledged me with the tiniest of grins and a slight nod.

A couple hours later, we were at Mike's place. Jacob was by himself on the balcony so I walked to him.

"Hey, stranger." I smiled, standing beside him and looking outside.

"What's up, Bella?" He straightened his back, looking at me.

"Not much. I see you brought your new friend," I said, cutting to the chase.

"Yeah, I'll introduce you guys when she comes back from the bathroom."

"So, what's she like?"

"She's cool."

"Cool? How many nights, J?" I taunted. He always referred to girls as the number of nights it would take him to sleep with.

"Actually, I don't know… she's not like that."

"You haven't slept with her?" I said in shock. That was not Jacob-like.

"Nope," he said, and he seemed proud of it. I looked at him, realizing he felt different about this girl. And I might just be the most selfish bitch in the world, but it was bothering me.

"Oh… well, um…" I was speechless.

"It's okay, Bella. You always said I'd get tired of meaningless sex. I guess that day has come."

"Oh, really?" Great…

"Yeah," he said, smiling as he looked at Leah who was coming to us.

"Well, that's great, Jake." I faked a smile, patting him on the shoulder. "I'll talk to you later." I nervously walked away before he could introduced me to her.

I got hammered that night, but thanks to Mike, I stayed out of trouble. I was behaving pretty well, unusually well. I was sitting on one of the couches, without talking to anyone, or actually doing anything —just sitting there.

"Hey, are you okay?" Mike asked, sitting beside me.

"Hi!" I smiled.

"Do you want me to take you home?"

"What do you think about her?"

"About whom?" He pretended he didn't know who I was talking about.

"Do you think she'll be good for him?"

"Bella, let me take you home."

"I don't like her." I crossed my arms over my chest and I think I pouted. "She's too tall."

"Okay now, I'll get you some water." Mike left, so I closed my eyes and laid my head back.

…

"I'm going that way anyway," I heard Jacob say. I either had my eyes closed or everything was very dark. I wasn't sure.

"Are you sure?" Mike asked, and it sounded like he was still sitting next to me.

"Yes, it's fine," Jake said. "Bella?" I felt someone touch my shoulder. My eyes fluttered opened and I tried to focus my vision on his face. "C'mon, I'm taking you home." Jacob didn't smile when I looked at him.

I stood up to follow him, trying not to stumble on anything. I walked quietly to the car, behind Jacob and Leah, a bit out of it. Once in the backseat, I noticed how Jacob was holding Leah's hand— it made me want to throw up.

"I'm going to take you home first. I might have to get her inside and everything, and I don't want you to be waiting in the car," I heard Jacob say.

"Oh, okay," Leah said. I think I fell asleep after that.

…

A cold gust of wind woke me up.

"Bella?" Jake's voice came from outside the car. "C'mon, we're here." He sounded… annoyed?

"Just leave me here, please." I was afraid to get up— everything was spinning.

"Bella, you are in my car."

"I'm not moving."

"Fine," Jacob said and then I felt his hands come under my arms as he pulled me out of the car and picked me up.

"Hey!" I complained but couldn't refuse too much. I clasped my lips shut, afraid I might hurl all over him. He carried me inside and to my bedroom. Then he put me down on my bed and took my shoes off. After covering me with the quilt, he brushed my hair back behind my ear. I closed my eyes and heard him walk to the door.

"Jake?" I called, peeking at him.

"Yes?" He turned around and stayed by the door. I sat up on my bed too fast and everything spun. "Are you okay?" Jake was suddenly sitting on the edge of the bed. I nodded at him and smiled. "I got to go, Bella." He looked down.

"Why?"

"Because…"

"Why don't you want to hang out with me anymore?"

"Bella—"

"I haven't seen you in a while. Did I do something wrong?"

"No, Bella. You haven't done anything wrong. It's just that I've been busy." Jake caressed the side of my face.

"Well, I've been missing you." He looked at me with a troubled expression and dropped his hand.

"Bella…"

"Can you stay for a bit?" I scooted over, making room for him.

"I can't," Jacob said, looking down.

"Why not?"

"Because, Bella, I don't think my girlfriend would like that."

"Your girlfriend?"

"Yes."

"She's your girlfriend?" I couldn't hide the questioning tone in my voice. Jacob had never had a serious girlfriend.

"Yeah." He turned his gaze back at me. "And you thought I wasn't going to change."

"That's good." I wanted to tell him I was happy for him, but somehow I felt like crying.

"I better let you get some sleep."

"Okay," I said as he stood up from the bed. "Bye."

"Bye," he said and with a sigh, turned around, and left.

I covered my face with my pillow and started crying.

Why the hell am I crying?

I couldn't really understand what I was feeling. I was both angry and sad. I knew this would change things between Jacob and me. Could I really be jealous of Leah? Was I such a bad friend? Why couldn't I be happy that Jacob found someone?

I am the most selfish bitch on this planet!

…

The weeks passed and I focused on school. I really had nothing else to focus on. Everyone had their own things going on, and I was tired of always being the third wheel. I wrote to Edward twice a week. I told him about school and some of the classes I loved. I asked him how he was doing, but I never received any answers from him. I even checked with the post office to make sure the letters were delivered.

There was no doubt in my mind that I loved Edward. If life was easier, we would be together. But life was not easier, not his at least. He was married, and his wife and daughter were very much part of his life. Maybe he didn't answer my letters out of respect for them…

I really hadn't thought about Jacob much, at least nothing else but that I missed him. I didn't understand why it had to be either confusingly close or distantly far with him. He was in a relationship now, and I needed to be happy for him. After that trip to the beach apartment, I decided not to think about Jacob that way. It was just too weird.

I was doing well until the day Jessica came by my house. I was surprised to see her there— it wasn't like we were friends. In my eyes, she was just Mike's girlfriend.

"C'mon, Bella. This needs to stop," Jessica said, sitting on my couch. "Why haven't you been hanging out with us?"

"I've been busy with school, all right?" I said defensively. She had a point though— it was seven at night on a Friday and I was already in my pajamas.

"I know that's not it. Everyone misses you." I decided not to comment on that. I knew it wasn't true, but saying it wouldn't help my case. "Did something happen between you and Jacob?" Jessica arched one eyebrow as she spoke.

"What?" Her question took me by surprise.

"Listen, I'm just going to say what everyone knows already." She crossed her legs. "Jacob is in love with you. Leah was out of town, and when he came to Eric's party last week, all he did was ask about you and give Mike shit for not hanging out with you anymore," she said.

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because, Bella, if you are smart, you would stop fantasizing about that felon and realize what you've had in front of you all this time."

"Listen, Jessica, I don't appreciate you coming here and—" I started to get upset. In one sentence, Jessica managed to insult my intellect and my Edward.

My Edward?

Jesus, I am screwed.

"I know…" she interrupted me. "But no one else will, so… there. We are going to Earl's tonight." Jessica stood up and grabbed her purse. "Maybe you can make it?"

Jacob was in love with me? Was he not happy with Leah then?

I stared at the door after Jessica left. Was I being an idiot pining after Edward who clearly didn't give a shit about me? I turned around and realized my life was pretty pathetic. I looked at the Bridget Jones DVD which was my plan for the evening and sighed. This needed to stop. I had to get over Edward.

…

I decided, against my better judgment, to go to Earl's and meet my friends. I'd had spent every night for the past month in my pajamas, so I figured it would be nice to dress up for a change. I ended up wearing a black skirt, a green tank top, and my black Chucks, with my hair down.

No one was at the bar when I arrived, so I ended up sitting there by myself, which was clearly not a good idea. The bartender came, and I ordered a drink, and immediately thought of Edward. This new bartender didn't look half as good as Edward did with his vest and skinny tie.

I started drinking, and by the time Jacob showed up, I had already had two vodkas.

"Where's everybody?" Jacob asked as soon as he saw me.

"Hi, Jake."

"Sorry. Hi," he said and looked at me. "Where's everybody?" he asked again, looking around. I just shrugged my shoulders. This had "set up" written all over it. I was pretty sure no one else was going to show up tonight.

Damn Jessica.

I turned around and ordered another vodka while Jacob stood beside me, looking around uncomfortably, probably considering leaving me here. I sipped from my drink and eyed him carefully; he really did look like he didn't want to be here. What happened to us? We used to be so comfortable together. We used to go everywhere together, just the two of us.

"I want to dance," I said, getting off my chair. I was tipsy already and tripped, but Jacob caught me by my arm. I couldn't help but notice how Jake's touch on my arm did not spark with electricity like Edward's had. I closed my eyes and tried to push all thoughts of Edward away.

Jacob humored me by dancing, even though I knew he didn't like to. I remembered the time Edward danced with me while he was working. Shit… The vodka was clearly not helping. I closed my eyes but couldn't help the images and feelings from that night. How Edward had his hand on the small of my back as we swayed to the music. How I rested my head on his chest and felt how fast he was breathing. Next thing I knew, when I opened my eyes, I was really close to Jacob, resting my head on his chest. I freaked out and stopped moving. I looked up to Jacob and he seemed confused too, like he was caught up in the moment.

"Bella," he started, but I just walked away.

I stopped at a corner, away from the dance floor. He followed me and stood in front on me.

"I'm sorry," I said, getting teary. I was a nutcase.

"What's going on?" he said, grabbing my face.

His touch did not ignite sparks on my cheek, but he was my friend. He had always been there for me. Jessica had said he was in love with me. Could I fall in love with Jacob? It would be easy to be with him. He was great. And I did get jealous about Leah. Would that be enough?

"I think… I might have feelings for you, Jake," I blurted out, and he just froze and his hand dropped my face.

Now why did I go and say that?

A couple of seconds went by and we just stood there. "Jake?" I said, tentatively touching his hand.

"Want to get another drink?" he asked nervously, pretending nothing happened.

We walked back to the bar, and after he ordered he drank his drink in one gulp. Seeing that I didn't take mine, he chugged that one too.

When Jacob looked at me, I couldn't read the expression on his face. He took my hand and dragged me back to the dance floor. We kept on dancing without saying anything else.

This is so wrong.

I had to close my eyes again, fighting hard the need to cry. But every time I closed my eyes, I saw Edward. Edward and his green eyes. Edward wearing his soccer uniform. Edward kissing me in the elevator at the hospital. And then it happened. I felt Jacob's lips on mine, and I was kissing him back.

"I'm sorry," he said, panting, once he broke the kiss.

He took my hand and dragged me outside. But you see, outside also reminded me of Edward, and the many times I sat out there with him while he smoked. I felt sick.

"Bella, I can't do this," Jacob started. "I… I'm with someone!"

"I know…"

"I like being with her…"

I didn't know what to say. My eyes were getting teary again.

"Bella, I'm sorry." He sat beside me and grabbed my hand. I should be the one apologizing. I looked at him. "I… um… I… um—" He cleared his throat. "We need to go. I— I need to go. You're driving me crazy. Please."

"Okay," I said and let go of his hand.

He took me home and neither of us said anything else on the way there. When we arrived to my place, I opened the door and looked at him. He was staring at the window, avoiding me. "Jake, don't you want to talk?" I said, without getting out of the car. He didn't answer, so I got out, closed the door, and walked quickly to my front door, trying to avoid getting drenched by the rain pelting from the dark sky.

"Why now?" he yelled from the car.

"What?" I turned around and saw him walk around his car.

"Why now?" He came closer. "Now that I'm with someone, you finally decide you have feelings for me?"

"I don't know, Jake… I…"

"Do you think that's fair?" He was clearly upset.

"No, it's not. I'm sorry." I was such a screw-up.

"Damn it, Bella!" He sat on my front steps and I dropped next to him.

"Jake, I'm so sorry." I grabbed his hand, feeling so confused.

"Bella, I can't do this."

"Okay…" I rubbed my thumb on his hand. "It's okay."

"No, it's not." He let go of my hand and put his head between his.

"Maybe I shouldn't have said anything." This was clearly a mistake.

"Maybe I should have said something before."

"Before what?"

"Before…" He lifted his head. "I should go, Bella." He looked into my eyes. "You need to go inside; you're getting all wet."

"I don't care." I needed to do this. I needed to see if we had a chance.

"I really can't do this."

"Fine." I stood up. He stood up after me and walked to his car. He turned around and looked at me. I had my arms crossed as I was crying, still standing under the rain.

"You are not going to make this easy for me, are you?"

"I don't want you to go, Jake." I missed him so much. Was it so wrong to want him near and just that?

"Bella, c'mon!"

"What?" I raised my voice but he looked down without answering. "Why don't you tell me how you feel?" The words left my mouth before I could stop them. God, I was such a bitch.

"I can't, okay?"

"Why not?"

"I just can't! I'm going to go, Bella. I've got a lot to think about. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Okay, fine!" I turned around and went inside.

I peeked through the window and saw that Jacob got in his car but didn't leave. With a sigh, I went out again and walked to the car. After I tapped on the window, he looked up to me and rolled it down.

"Hey," I said with a weak smile and tears still in my eyes.

He remained quiet, looking at me. "Jake, it's cold. Why don't we go inside?" I hugged my arms around my waist, trying to keep from trembling.

"I love you," Jake said, turning his gaze away from me. "I've been in love with you for a long time, Bella." He cleared his throat. "Which is exactly why we can't do this." He took a deep breath before speaking again. "I need to go. Please, just let me go."

"But I don't want you to go," I cried.

Jacob was in love with me. Jessica had been right.

"Bella, please, don't make this harder."

"I'm sorry," I said, letting go of the car door. He started the car and left without saying anything else.

I stared at Jake's taillights until he disappeared down the street.

I sank into the sidewalk and cried my heart out, letting the rain wash away my tears.

Why couldn't I stop thinking about Edward? Why did I have to do this to Jacob? Why couldn't I love Jacob back? I had no excuse! I didn't need to confuse Jacob like I was. I didn't know why I felt like I needed to know he loved me. So what? It didn't change anything. And of course I loved him, as a friend, but I think tonight was proof I couldn't see him in any other way. It was wrong to try to force it out of me. I had to apologize to Jacob.

What have I done?

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A/N: Do you get why Bella gets jealous? Have you ever been jealous of a friend who you are not romantically involved with?

This chapter was a tough one to write. I hope Bella's inner ramblings made sense.

I pinky swear we will hear from Edward next chapter!