Chapter 13

Rei and I finished our meals and went to pay the check. I would have gladly paid for the whole thing, but Rei insisted on contributing. So, I paid for the meal and Rei left the tip. That solution satisfied the both of us. Though Rei and I had spent nearly an hour in the restaurant, it was still only a little after six o'clock; too early for me to allow our evening to come to such an abrupt end. However, all thoughts of continuing our date were removed from my mind when I sensed evil approaching.

Rei, I said, An Angel is coming.

I do not sense it, Rei responded, Are you certain?

My telepathic senses can reach farther away than your empathic senses, I explained, Just wait another minute, you'll sense it.

I didn't wait for her to find it, however. I started walking rapidly towards the station for the emergency NERV train. As Rei tried to reach out with her senses, she allowed me to pull her along so that she could keep up. I started running, panic of not being able to reach HQ in time spurring me forward. Rei stumbled and almost fell as I tugged her along faster than she could keep up. Without thinking, I turned around, caught her, scooped her up into my arms and continued to run.

You do not have to carry me, Rei thought to me, giving off waves of embarrassment, I was just taken by surprise by your sudden sprint.

It's easier if I carry you for right now, Rei, I replied hurriedly, I would have to stop running to set you down, and we can't afford the delay. Incidentally, you should be sensing the Angel right…about…now.

Rei suddenly stiffened with pain as her empathic senses detected the Angel's malevolence. Her arms tightened around my shoulders to prevent herself from losing her balance. I huffed a heavy breath to steady myself and picked up my pace, running as hard as I could to get to NERV quickly. It was hardly a chore to run while carrying Rei. She was supernaturally light. It made me wonder whether either my strength had been augmented by my Divinity, or she could alter her mass because of her Divinity, or if maybe it was a combination of both of those reasons. Whatever it was, it made running a much easier chore.

Rei and I reached the emergency train in a few minutes and jumped into the car. As soon as we were inside, my cell phone rang. Sensing who it was, I picked up and answered:

"We're on our way in now, Misato."

"What? How did--? Never mind. Get here as fast as you can," said Misato, then she hung up.

"You can set me down now," Rei said quietly. I suddenly realized that I was, indeed still holding her in my arms. I lowered her down to the floor, but kept my arms wrapped around her waist.

"I do not…require aid in standing…Andrew," Rei said, her voice a slow whisper.

"I had a really good time with you today, Rei," I said, my voice just as quiet as hers. My eyes locked with hers as I continued, "I just wanted you to know that…if we're supposed to go out, fight, and…possibly die today."

"You are…trying to seduce me," Rei accused gently.

"Is it working?" I asked, quirking my eyebrow in what I hoped was a dashing way.

"I think…perhaps it is," Rei replied weakly, "I feel like…I want you to kiss me…"

"Have you ever been kissed before?"

"No," Rei answered me, "and I have never…felt anything like what I am feeling now…"

"Show me how you feel, Rei," I whispered, bringing my face down to hers.

Our faces crept closer together until our lips were less than an inch from each other. I could feel her soft breath on my nose. Suddenly, however, the train doors opened at NERV Central. Rei broke away and walked quickly out of the train doors, instantly all-business. While I admired this commitment to her duties as a pilot, I couldn't help but be a little bit annoyed at her sense of timing. We were just about to kiss for God's sake!

Ah well, no use crying over spilled LCL, I mused. Then, I took off running after her. We arrived at the Eva cages a few minutes later, having hastily changed into our plug suits. Shinji arrived shortly after we did, his face very grim.

"What happened?" I asked, not bothering to read his mind.

"Well, I asked Asuka out like you suggested," Shinji said.

"And she said no?" I asked.

"I don't think she got the chance to," said Shinji, "She was so shocked by my asking that she tripped and fell down the stairs and broke her right leg."

"Oh, my god," I groaned, "So, that means…"

"We're short one pilot, and will be for a few weeks," said Misato walking in, "That being said: Shinji, the Commander has ordered that Unit-01 be kept on stand-by in the hanger bay."

"WHY?!" Shinji demanded loudly, "What the hell's so damned important about it that he won't risk it in combat anymore?! He didn't used to have any problems about ordering me to my death!"

"Shinji, just…follow orders, okay?" Misato asked, exasperatedly pinching the bridge of her nose, "For me? Please?"

"I don't have to like it, but all right, Misato. For you," Shinji agreed reluctantly.

Ikari seems most perturbed with the Commander's orders, Rei observed.

He does, indeed, I replied, Honestly, I would be, too. Shinji's a fighter, now. He isn't one to sit idly by while others are risking their lives fighting the fight that he was picked to fight.

"Andrew!" Misato barked, "Pay attention! I was just saying that it's up to you and Rei to hold this Angel off and destroy it. I want the two of you to deploy immediately and take it out. It's holding position and seems to be almost dormant right now. It's field pattern is cycling from Blue to Orange. Hit it first and take it down quickly. Understood?"

"Yes ma'am!" we replied in unison.

Rei and I took off for our Evas and boarded the entry plugs.

Rei, I thought to her, Please be careful. If you could sense what I can about this Angel…

I will be fine, said Rei calmly, Trust me.

I shook my head. Rei's confidence would make her blind to the danger. Rei couldn't sense what I could about this Angel.

Its name was Armisael. It had the power to pierce through AT Fields as easily as the Lance of Longinus. If Rei relied on just her Field to protect her, the Angel would penetrate her armor and start to merge with her. If her mind or Eva became contaminated, she would be destroyed.

I quickly deployed first and drew Armisael's attention. The Angel's shape changed from a halo-shaped double-helix to a single, snake-like shaft of light and it slithered through the air towards me. I deployed my Eva's AT Field as a token gesture, fully expecting my opponent to break right through it. I was waiting, my personal field invisibly covering my Eva like an extra layer of armor.

As Armisael burst through my AT Field, I heard the technicians all shouting frantically as I grabbed the Angel and held it at bay. I could feel it wriggling like a monstrous worm in my hands. It was disgusting. Rei came running to my aid; close enough to attract attention.

Rei, no! I shouted mentally.

Too late. Armisael pulled free from my grasp and forced its way through Rei's AT Field, just like it had done with mine. However, unlike me, Rei didn't have a personal protection field. The development of her Divine powers had stalled when her Guardian spirit began its role as her soul. Armisael started to merge itself into Unit-00.

I heard Rei gasping and grimacing in pain over our comm. line. My heart felt like it stopped beating as I listened to her cry softly. My heart almost stopped beating for real when I heard her mental screams and pleas in my head.

I do not want to become one with you! Rei whimpered to the Angel, I am me, not you! No!

Rei! Pull back! Get away from here! I shouted desperately.

I cannot, said Rei, If I retreat now, you will be in danger, Andrew. I cannot—will not—allow that.

Rei, I can protect myself! I pleaded, tears starting to sting and burn in my eyes, Don't do this! You can't hold it off!

Then I must destroy it, Rei said conclusively, You know what I must do now, Andrew. Please do not try to deter me. I must do it.

I sensed Rei's intentions. She would invert her AT Field and trap the Angel within Unit-00. Then, while the AT Field was active, she would detonate the Eva, destroying the Angel with it. The only problem with that strategy was that, in order for the AT Field to be maintained, Rei would have to stay in the Eva right up until the moment of detonation, leaving her no time at all to eject and get to safety. She would almost certainly die.

Rei, I can't let you do this!

We have no alternative, said Rei, inverting her AT Field, You were right, Andrew. We do face death today. I must now face mine. Please, free the soul from my Eva before I destroy it. This is my final request. Please, save the soul of my Evangelion from destruction.

I don't know how, I said, tears starting to fall down my face, Rei, you don't have to die! Please, don't do this! Rei, I…

You do not have to say anything, Andrew, said Rei fondly.

I do have to say it! I shouted frantically, I don't want you to die, Rei Ayanami! I love you!

But Rei had already started the self-destruct sequence on her Eva. Panic- and grief-stricken, I reached into the mind of Unit-00 and extracted Rei's soul, pulling it down into myself and holding onto it for dear life. I cried. Then, I had a thought. I reached into Rei's mind and pulled out her Guardian spirit and all of her other memories and essences; I made a copy of her mind and spirit within myself.

Rei came up over our video comm. line. There were tears running down her face, as well: tears of pain. However, she smiled at me gently and spoke to me in a brave and reassuring voice:

I would have liked to have felt your kiss, Andrew…I love you…

Unit-00 detonated with tremendous force. My heart skipped out on me and I must have blacked out temporarily. My eyes came back into focus as I stared at a fiery crater. There was no sign of Unit-00. I scanned for thoughts among the destruction; I found none. The Angel was gone, but so was Rei. My heart broke into shards small enough to pass through the eye of a needle.

"REI!!" I cried helplessly. My Eva roared.

Your Guardian's body is gone, Avenger, said the voice in my head, What will You do now?

I am really, REALLY not in the mood for any of your cryptic garbage right now! I snarled back, Do you have ANY idea what's just happened?!

The one You call Rei Ayanami just sacrificed Her life to save humanity, said the Avenger's voice, Her sacrifice must not be in vain. Fulfill Your duty; avenge Her.

Vengeance is not what she would have wanted, I said resolutely, Vengeance is never the answer! Justice shall be exacted, but first I must get her back.

Without a Mortal body, Her spirit cannot be returned, said the Avenger.

My target, the one called Gendo Ikari, I said, He has a vast storage room filled with empty vessels that are all clones of Rei. When he awakens one of the clones, and he will, I will implant within her the spirit, memories, and powers of the Rei that I love, my Guardian and partner. I will also return to her the soul that Ikari and Akagi stole from her when they created her. With her soul returned, Rei's Divine powers will fully develop, won't they?

That is correct, said the Avenger.

Then…that's my hope, I said frantically, That's…that's my reason to continue existing right now. I can feel Rei's soul within me now. It's such a beautiful soul; just like the beautiful girl it belongs to. She has aptitudes for painting and singing, as well as skills on the violin. Her favorite color is green. Oh, God…it's too painful to keep looking…but I can't make myself look away from her.

"Andrew, withdraw and return to base," Misato ordered, her voice as dull as my mind felt.

Now, is that any way to feel right now?

Who are you?! I demanded, searching for the source of the newest voice in my head. I feared that I was losing my mind, hearing as many voices as I currently was.

I know it's been a while, bud, but you can't tell me that you've forgotten me already.

Lee?! I gasped, Is that really you?! I thought I'd been feeling you in here with me, but now… Why haven't you tried to talk to me before now?

I haven't had the energy, Lee replied, Up until now, these damn restraints have kept me so weak.

I…I thought…they…told me you were dead, I said, still not convinced that I was actually speaking with my brother.

No, I'm not dead, my brother said, despite how that might disappoint you, little brother.

Disappoint? Hell no! I said excitedly, I just…it's been hard without you. Mom…I saw her crying a lot for years after you disappeared.

I didn't want to leave you guys, bud, Lee said sadly, but when I got into this Eva, I had an eerie feeling that it was going to be a one-way ticket, and that I wouldn't be coming back out.

Lee, I can get you out, I said adamantly, I don't know if I can bring you back to life on the Mortal Plane, but I can at least release you from the Eva.

If that's all you can do, then that's all you can do, said Lee, Now, what are you going to do about Rei?

You know about her?

Did you suddenly forget that I can feel everything that you're feeling right now? Lee asked, I know you're busted up inside about what's just happened. You really loved her, didn't you?

Yeah, I replied numbly, I did. I just wish I'd have had more time to get her to love me back. Now she's gone.

So, how are you going to get her back? he asked, Are you just going to sit here and whine about it like the little pest that you used to be? Or are you going to fight for her like the Angel you are now?!

You always did know the right way to get me fired up and out of a funk, I smiled, God, I've missed you, bro. I only hope I can find a way to get you back.

If you can't, just tell mom that I love her and that I'm sorry for hurting her like this, Lee requested, I really hope you get Rei back, Andrew. You deserve a girl like her.

I struggled to smile through my tears. After years of thinking that he was just dead, I found out that my brother's soul had been trapped inside my Evangelion. The question remained, though: Why did NERV lie to me and tell me that he had died? Was it so I would agree to be a pilot in order to exact revenge on the world for his death? Was it some other scheme concocted by Ikari to destroy another life? Or was it merely coincidence that it happened to my brother and that it then became my Eva? Coincidence is for idiots; there's no such thing. Everything that happens is a part of a plan, a greater design.

I returned to the cage and disembarked from my Eva. Shinji came running over to me and grabbed my shoulders and shook me fiercely.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST LET HER DO?!" he screamed at me, "YOU JUST LET AYANAMI KILL HERSELF!! YOU…YOU…BASTARD!"

Shinji aimed a punch at my face. I, already in a rather feisty mood myself, blocked the punch while ducking down. While I was down low, I drove my right fist hard into Shinji's stomach. Shinji, the air driven from him, doubled over in pain. Shinji gasped and coughed, trying to breathe.

"You'll…pay…for that," he wheezed.

"Somehow, I don't think so," I said coldly, "I don't think you have it in you, Ikari. That's why your father didn't want you out there, today: He was afraid you'd be too scared to fight against this Angel and leave Rei and me to die just like Toji!"

"FUCK YOU!" Shinji screamed, throwing himself at me.

I resisted the urge to use my powers to liquefy him. Instead, I jumped and roll-kicked him across the head, sending him sprawling backwards. I walked over and put my foot on his throat.

"Now you listen to me, little boy," I snarled, "I didn't, did not, just let Rei die. If I could have saved her, I would have, do you understand?! I loved her more than you can ever comprehend! Now, she's gone and I have nothing left! You still have Asuka, Shinji! Damn it all, you two still have each other! I have nothing! The only one I had ever truly loved…just sacrificed her own life…to save us all. That includes your worthless hide, too."

I broke down again and removed my foot from Shinji's throat. He stood up quickly, rage still burning in his mind. I sensed it and stood with my hands at my sides.

"If you want to hit me, go ahead," I said, my voice numb with tears, "I won't stop you, this time. But I will tell you this: it wasn't my fault."

I stood there and stared at Shinji through tear-blurred eyes. As I stood, I could sense the conflict within him. He was infuriated at me for standing there helplessly while Rei killed herself, yet he didn't feel right about hitting a defenseless person. He wanted to make me hurt for not saving Rei, yet he wanted to let it go and be my friend, too.

Commander Ikari walked out onto the catwalk.

"Pilot Hildreth," he said coldly, "Why did you do nothing to rescue the First Child?"

"There was nothing that I could do, sir," I said honestly, "She made her choice."

"Don't you tell me that!" the old man snarled, his face mere inches from mine, "Rei is…was very important, and you let her destroy herself."

"Again I will say, Commander, that there was absolutely nothing I could do to stop her!" I said forcefully, trying vainly to keep my temper in check.

What the hell's gotten him so worked up into a rage? I wondered angrily, Hmph. Maybe his pet bitch, Akagi didn't spread her legs wide enough when they screwed yesterday. He's such an evil, vile man. I can't wait to exact justice against him. Maybe I should just take care of that here and now… Yeah, it would be easy! It would be so easy to just crush his mind to jelly right now with my powers. No…even that doesn't sound satisfying enough… I'll turn him into a damn vegetable, that's it! He won't even recognize his own reflection when I'm done with him!

Now is not the time for Your vengeance! the voice in my head pleaded, There will be an opportunity, but You must have Your Guardian by Your side when you confront the offender!

My Guardian is dead! I cried, Rei is gone!

No, said the Avenger spirit, Merely Her body has been destroyed. You have preserved Her spirit and memories within Yourself. You are able to hold onto them until You find an empty vessel to deposit them into. Be patient, young Avenger. There is a time for everything. Now, it is time for You to return to Your quarters and let the natural process of mourning take place.

"I'm going home!" I said contemptuously.

"Your apartment is unfit for you to inhabit any longer," said Ikari.

"Why?!"

"I have word that contaminants were discovered on the floor above your living quarters," said the old man, "These were determined to be dangerous enough that I'm ordering you to evacuate your quarters and relocate; for your own safety."

"And since when do you give a dick about my safety, old man?!" I demanded harshly, "You just sent Rei and me out there against an opponent who was clearly more than a match for us! The only reason I made it back is because Rei didn't!"

"Continue your insubordination and you will spend the rest of your natural life in the stockade," Ikari growled.

"Hmph," I grunted, "Make the call if you want, but I'm going back to my apartment now."

I extended my will and took over Ikari's mind and implanted a command that he was not to make any calls to Section-2 to have me arrested. I couldn't believe what I was doing. I had just altered someone's thoughts again, where was the guilt? Where was the shame for breaking my own personal vow?

I'm angry and I'm hurting, I reasoned, That explains why I'm not ashamed. It doesn't make what I'm doing okay, but it explains why I feel no shame.

Be careful Avenger, my voice cautioned sternly, You cannot keep rationalizing away all of Your dark decisions. If You start doing that, You will fall from the Light and be lost. You must curb your lust for vengeance and learn patience.

Patience? I repeated cynically, What good is patience? Patience is what got Rei killed! I was too patient in my attack, and Rei was more aggressive.

The Guardian was, perhaps, a little foolhardy, the Avenger said.

How DARE you! I roared mentally, You DARE insult Rei's actions in my presence?! What Rei did was braver than I can ever explain!

It is I who must explain something to You, Avenger, the voice said, speaking as a father to a petulant son, Patience is a virtue that all Avengers must have, if they are to be successful. After all, does not a patient hunter kill more game? Does not a patient fisherman bring in fuller nets? Your prey had a reason for wishing You out of Your current domicile. As long as You are in control of his thoughts, make him tell You why.

I liked the sound of that idea, so I interrogated the helpless Ikari.

Why did you want me out of my apartment, Ikari? I demanded, What is the real reason?

The cameras… the old man's captive mind wheezed, Spy cameras…disabled in…resident apartments…

What spy cameras? I asked harshly.

Section-2…

That was all I needed to hear. Wiping Ikari's mind clean of my presence, I made him forget about his threat to call security on me. I also implanted the command that he was to ignore any warnings from Section-2 about any abnormalities detected from within Misato's apartment building. They were to be considered false reports and passed off as not worth listening to. Once that was done, I turned around and walked out of NERV without looking back at anyone.

My mind was numb as I walked back to my apartment. Once I was within my quarters, I stumbled dazedly back to my bedroom and collapsed onto my bed. As I lay, facedown, I was able to smell my covers and bed sheets.

They smell like her, I thought.

Pain began to rise through me. It cleared my mind of its daze, filled me up and threatened to make me explode. That pain, coupled with the borrowed memories that I had from Rei, made my eyes start to burn and ache with tears. I tried to fight them down, but they began to spill over.

I sobbed and cried for a long time. Again, it wasn't just the pain I felt at having to helplessly watch Rei kill herself, it was that pain coupled with the memories of hers that I had copied and now held on to. Every time I tried to think about something else, Rei's face popped into the foreground of my mind. Every time I tried to look away from it, I could smell her presence; like I had when I had held her in my arms as we danced. There was no way for me to escape from it! Her memories and my memories of her were driving me mad.

A new presence appeared to me, completely foreign from anyone that I had ever sensed before. He seemed human, but at the same time, he wasn't. I didn't detect any latent hostility in it, but I couldn't probe its thoughts. I arose from my bed and left my apartment, following my senses to find this new being.

I followed my psychic "nose" to the city limits. There, standing at a bus terminal, was a very pale-looking young man with dull, gray hair. He seemed to sense my presence, as well, because, as I approached, he turned to me and started smiling. He spoke to me in a very bright, friendly, yet slightly eerie voice as he said:

"Hello, Za'afiel."

A.N.: Well, readers, I'm finally back in school. From here on out, updates will probably be a little spotty, but I promise that this story will continue until it's complete. I hope I didn't break your hearts too badly, but Rei had to die for the sake of the plot. Trust me, her sacrifice will not have been in vain. More Angels are on their way. Until then, may the Light guide you and the Muse protect you. (I think I'll use that phrase from now on. I just like the ring of it.)

Andrew Hildreth