November 2, 1995, 3:22 PM-Cedars Hospital, Dr. Margaret Sedwick's Office
Blake was lying on the exam table, her gown open over her belly. Ross was standing beside her, holding her hand. Dr. Sedwick had applied the gel and was now running the sensor over Blake's belly and peering at the monitor as she performed the sonogram.
Then Dr. Sedwick's eyebrows shot up. "Well, well," she murmured.
Blake and Ross exchanged an anxious look. "What? What is it?" Blake asked worriedly.
"Nothing's wrong, Dr. Sedwick, is it?" Ross asked anxiously.
Dr. Sedwick looked at them then with a big smile. "Everything is fine," she assured them, and Blake and Ross exchanged another look, this one filled with relief. Ross lifted his and Blake's joined hands to his lips, but before he could kiss Blake's hand, Dr. Sedwick froze both him and Blake in their tracks with her next words: "...with both of your babies."
Ross finally broke the protracted silence that followed this pronouncement with one word in the form of a question: "Both?"
Dr. Sedwick turned the monitor so that Blake and Ross could see it. "Both," she confirmed, pointing to the screen. "More commonly known as twins. Here's Marler Baby A, and here's Marler Baby B." She pointed out the two separate little blobs.
"Twins," Blake said, trying to wrap around her head around as she stared at the two tiny beings on the screen in a daze.
"Twins," Dr. Sedwick replied brightly, "and since there are two separate yolk sacs here, they're fraternal."
"Fraternal?" Blake asked blankly.
"That just means they're not identical, honey," Ross said, having found his voice. "If they're both boys or both girls, they won't look alike. Or they could be one boy and one girl." He looked at Dr. Sedwick hopefully then. "Can you tell the gender or genders?" he asked.
"Not yet. I'm afraid it's still too early for that," Dr. Sedwick replied. "But I can tell you that everything looks good, and that Mom, Baby A, and Baby B are all very healthy."
Ross looked at the screen again now, gazing raptly at Baby A and Baby B, the two most beautiful...handsome? one handsome and one beautiful?...the two most wonderful little blobs of humanity in the known universe. Then, his blue eyes bright, he shifted his gaze to Blake and looked at her with a mix of delighted wonder, boundless joy, and boyish enthusiasm.
Blake looked back at Ross dazedly. Twins. Two babies. Baby A and Baby B. "How-" Blake began, her voice cracking. She cleared her throat and tried again. "How did this happen?" At Ross's smirk, and Dr. Sedwick's amused smile, she said, "I know how it happened, but twins don't run in either of our families."
"Genetics as far as twins running in either family have nothing to do with it in your case," Dr. Sedwick told Blake. "You released two eggs when you ovulated, and both eggs were fertilized by separate sperm cells, so you're having fraternal twins."
"You've always been an overachiever!" Ross exclaimed proudly as he grinned at Blake happily. "Twins! This is incredible!" Then he bent his head and kissed Blake full on the mouth right in front of Dr. Sedwick, breaking the kiss to ask, "Can we have pictures of the sonogram? And a videotape?"
"Of course," Dr. Sedwick replied. "And congratulations."
"Thank you," Ross said.
They left Dr. Sedwick's office a few minutes later, Ross carrying the pictures and the videotape and exulting over the fact that they were having two babies. "They really are the most beautiful...or handsome, as the case may be...blobs I've ever seen!" he exclaimed.
When they got in the car, Blake said, "Ross?"
"Yes?" he inquired, looking at her lovingly.
"We're having twins," Blake said.
"Yes, we are," Ross replied. His grin would have powered the entire Midwest for a week.
"That means there's two of them," Blake continued.
"I know," Ross said. His grin got impossibly wider then. "You were afraid we'd never have one child, and we're having two! This is amazing!" He really looked at Blake then, and his brow furrowed as he realized that the look on her face didn't match the look on his. "What is it?" he asked.
Blake opened her mouth, then closed it. She swallowed hard and then finally spoke. "It's just that, as much as I want children, and I really do, I was thinking one at a time. And I've been so focused on getting pregnant that it's only just now hitting me that I really don't know anything about being a mother, and now there are two babies, and...and..." Her eyes began to water. "I don't know if I'll be a good mother to one baby, let alone two."
Ross's expression softened and he leaned across the console, put his arms around Blake, and kissed her forehead. She looked up at him anxiously, and he gently brushed her hair off her face. "Dinah didn't come into my life until she was almost grown," he said, "and while I was responsible for Sam when she lived with me, also as a teenager, she was my niece, not my daughter, so I don't know anything about being a father to a baby or a child, especially if one or both of our babies are boys. And yes, you have a lot to learn about being a parent, but you will be a wonderful mother, Blake."
"How do you know?" she asked.
"Because you have a good heart that is full of so much love, and because you are smart and patient-"
Blake interrupted him with a snort. "Me, patient?" she scoffed.
"You waited for me to get my head out of the sand and realize that I love you and tell you that I love you, so yes, you, Blake, are capable of being patient," he replied. "And you are a natural mother lion protector. Look at how you fought for me, even when it meant going against your parents. And besides, neither of us is doing this alone. It's two of them and two of us. That just makes it even, right?"
Blake smiled, sniffled, and put her arms around Ross's neck. "We're going to be parents, Ross," she said. "I didn't know it was possible to be so happy and so terrified at the same time."
"Neither did I," Ross said. He touched his forehead to hers for a moment, then drew back to look into her eyes. "And I am going to be the best husband a pregnant woman ever had. Dishes, laundry, cooking, shopping, you name it and I'll do it. Cravings in the middle of the night, no matter what it is, I'll go out and get it without complaint. I'll even get fat with you."
Blake gave a watery laugh then. "You may reconsider that since I'm going to get so huge I'll need a CAUTION: WIDE LOAD sign on my back, and eventually I'll waddle instead of walk," she said.
"Never," Ross said firmly, shaking his head.
"I love you so much," Blake said.
"I love you too," Ross replied. "Correction: I love you three."
Blake smiled, and then she and Ross kissed.
November 14, 1995, 11:48 PM-Roger and Holly's House
Roger and Holly were both awakened by the insistent ringing of the phone. Holly groaned and mumbled, "Make them go away," covering her head with her pillow.
Roger carefully reached over Holly to answer the phone. "This is Tony Galliano at WSPR. I need to speak to Mrs. Thorpe right away," the caller said before Roger had the word "hello" completely out.
"It's almost midnight," Roger said archly. "She's asleep, and she's seven months' pregnant. Call back in the morning!"
"This can't wait," Galliano insisted. "Detective Cutter was stabbed tonight, and he's at Cedars in critical condition. He might not make it through the night. And there was blood evidence at the scene besides Cutter's, so there may be a second victim out there somewhere. Mrs. Thorpe is the station manager. She needs to know what's happened and I need to check our plan for getting this on the air in the morning with her. I know it's almost midnight, and I know she's seven months' pregnant, and I'm sorry to disturb her at this hour, but I need to talk to her immediately."
Roger was stunned. Detective Cutter had been stabbed and might not last the night? And there was a possible second victim who was still missing? Who coud that be? And who had done this? Roger reluctantly woke Holly then. "Holly, it's Tony Galliano at the station. He has to talk to you right away."
Holly removed the pillow from her head, sat up with another groan, and took the phone from Roger. "Yes, Tony?" she asked sleepily, pushing her hair off her forehead with her other hand. Roger, sitting beside her, saw the moment the news registered with Holly as she came fully awake, her eyes snapping open and showing her shock. "What?...Oh my god...Do they have a suspect in custody yet?...Well, do they have any leads?...Yes, tell our people at Cedars and at the police station to stay put." She looked at the glowing green numbers of the alarm clock then. "We have about six hours before the sunrise newscast. Wait as long as you can for definite news on both Cutter's condition and the investigation and any suspects so that the most accurate, up-to-date information goes on the air...Yes, keep updating at every news break during the network morning show, and if something major happens, break in on the morning show to report it...I'll be in at 8 in the morning, and if there's an arrest made or an APB put out on a suspect or if-if there's a significant change in Cutter's condition before then, call me back, I don't care what time it is...Right. I'll see you at 8."
Holly hung up the phone and looked at Roger then. "This is horrible. They have no idea who tried to kill Detective Cutter, he's in very bad shape, and someone else may be badly hurt too. Oh god, and poor Faith! She must be frantic right now." It was common knowledge around town that Faith Spaulding and Patrick Cutter were a couple, and Holly knew firsthand the terror you feel when the man you love is near death.
"Chrissy won't take this well either," Roger reflected, "or Tangie. They're both good friends of Cutter's."
"And Blake is so close to Faith," Holly added. She sighed, resting one hand on her belly beneath the covers. "Tangie will know as soon as she walks into the Journal in the morning, if not before, and Blake will find out probably when Ross does, so she might know already, or they might not know until tomorrow. I'm sure that Hope and Alan are there for Faith, and Ed will do everything medically possible to save Cutter's life." She shook her head. "If there's a second victim as the police believe there is, I hope they find them soon and are able to save them, and I hope that Cutter makes it through this, and that whoever did this is caught and locked up soon."
"So do I," Roger said. He and Holly settled themselves back on their pillows, Roger spooning Holly, one arm draped across her bulging belly, each of them with one hand resting on their unborn son. "It's a dangerous world out there," Roger said.
"I don't know how Hope stands it, knowing what Faith faces every time she goes to work," Holly said.
"I wish that we could raise Jack in some kind of protective bubble, away from all danger," Roger said.
"That's a nice thought, but we can't," Holly said. "But we can keep him safe, teach him how to take care of himself, and we will." She paused. "If he ever wants to be a cop, though, I don't know how I would stand that."
"If he's interested in upholding the law, he can be a lawyer," Roger said. "Ryan and Ross can help us talk him into it."
"Well, we have a long time before we have to worry about that, thankfully," Holly replied. "Right now, let's just go back to sleep." She turned her head for a kiss, and then they lay there together in the dark, Roger spooned behind Holly, their hands covering Holly's baby bump, and it took them almost an hour to fall asleep again.
November 15, 1995, 10:31 PM-Roger and Holly's House
Cutter's condition was upgraded from critical to serious by the following afternoon, but he remained unconscious in Cedars' ICU.
Faith Spaulding had been identified as the other victim. Testing proved that it was her blood found at the scene, and the police confirmed that she had called in a report of an officer down to the station, Cutter being the officer down, and that that was the last time anyone had heard from her. Also, Cutter had received first aid before the paramedics arrived to transport him to Cedars, and that first aid had kept him from bleeding out on the street and enabled him to make it to the hospital alive. Faith had saved Patrick's life and gotten help for him before having been injured herself and then taken. Forensics found no bullets or spent casings at the scene after spending hours going over it with a fine-tooth comb, leading to conjecture that Faith had also been stabbed, and the police were still canvassing the entire area looking for her, and trying to find out who could have done this to her and Cutter.
Tangie spent most of the day at the hospital after the 6 AM phone call from Blake telling her what had happened to Cutter and to Faith. Fletcher had his hands full between running the Journal, chasing the story, and supporting Alexandra as she supported Alan, Hope, and Alan-Michael, but he let Tangie stay at Cedars without requiring her to gather any information. She sat with Cutter in the ICU, as his sister and grandfather had not yet arrived from Chicago to be with him, but Cutter didn't so much as stir.
Blake was so upset at the news about Cutter and Faith that she threw up for the first time since learning she was pregnant. Ross let Alexandra know that if her family needed anything from him, they had only to ask, and spent most of the rest of his time taking care of Blake and getting updates by phone from Maureen.
The Spauldings were living a nightmare, not knowing what had happened to Faith or where she was. Frank Cooper and Detective Levy were the ones who spoke to the family, making sure that they were kept apprised of everything that was being done to find Faith, and to find whoever had taken her and tried to kill Cutter. Alan-Michael and Lucy, who had been staying on the yacht, went to stay at the mansion with the rest of the family, and most of Faith's closest friends, including AJ and Stacey Chamberlain, David Grant, and the just-returned-from-their-honeymoon-four-days-ago Bridget and Dylan Lewis, went to the mansion to be together and to be with Faith's family. Phillip and Amanda Spaulding, and Meta, Mike and Elizabeth Bauer, were all called and informed of Faith's disappearance. Phillip and Meta vowed to drop everything and come to Springfield as soon as they could get flights, and Meta would not be deterred, although Phillip acquiesced when Hope and Alexandra both spoke to him and learned that Lizzie was at the tail end of a bout of bronchitis and insisted that Phillip wait until his little girl was well before coming to Springfield, because Faith certainly wouldn't want to take her oldest brother away from her beloved niece when Lizzie was sick. Phillip agreed reluctantly but vowed to catch the first available flight to Springfield as soon as Faith was found, even if Lizzie wasn't all better yet. AJ, Stacey, David, Bridget and Dylan, relieved to be of some actual help, met Meta Bauer at the airport as a group and took her to Ed and Maureen's house, where she would be staying while she was in town. While all this was happening, Nick chased down sources, tips, and leads like a man possessed, with the help of a new Journal employee named Susan Bates, as he searched for answers about Faith's location and the identity of the person who had hurt and taken her and nearly killed Cutter.
Meanwhile, Charles Kelleher was finally ready to meet with Roger in person, requesting that Roger fly into Pittsburgh the Monday of Thanksgiving week and promising that he would return home the night before the holiday.
But given what had happened to Cutter and Faith, and that whoever was responsible was still on the loose, Roger was worried about leaving Holly alone.
"I'll have AJ Chamberlain or Tony Galliano or one of the security guards walk me to my car every night, and I'll double-check all the doors and windows to make sure they're locked. I'll be fine," Holly said when Roger expressed his concerns. "I'll miss you, but it's only three days. You'll be home Wednesday night, we'll have the whole evening together, and then Blake and Ross and Tangie will be here for Thanksgiving."
"Chrissy's not cooking again this year, is she?" Roger asked, recalling the frozen turkey disaster the year before.
"No, and neither am I," Holly replied. "We're leaving the cooking to those who know what they're doing. We're buying all the food ready-made, heating it up-because that, we know how to do-and eating it."
Roger sighed. "If I could send Chrissy, or Ryan, I would, but Kelleher insists it has to be me."
"That's because you're the big boss, the boardroom swashbuckler," Holly said with a smile, putting her arms around him, "so you'll go, you'll close the deal, we'll miss each other, and then we'll make up for missing each other Wednesday night. Blake and Ross and Tangie won't be here until 1:00 Thanksgiving afternoon, so we can even sleep late."
"This will be my last trip out of town until after Jack is born," Roger pledged. "I never like being away from you for days at a time, but I especially don't like it now."
"It's three days," Holly reminded him, "with your homecoming and Thanksgiving and the long weekend finishing the nursery to look forward to." She rested her hands on his shoulders and looked deeply into his eyes. "Nothing bad is going to happen, Roger, I promise."
But despite Holly's reassurances, Roger couldn't shake the feeling that he was about to be thrown for a loop somehow.
November 22, 1995, 7:10 PM-Springfield Airport
Roger's flight was due in at 7:30 the night before Thanksgiving. Holly arrived at the terminal a few minutes after 7, checked the board and saw that Roger's flight was on time, and was debating whether to sit down in one of the molded plastic chairs since she was not at all certain she'd be able to get up again without assistance when she spotted an older man with white hair in a black suit with a matching overcoat folded over one arm checking the board from a few feet away. She recognized this man. "Adam?" she asked.
Adam Thorpe looked over when he heard his name being called and smiled when he saw who had called him. "Holly!" he exclaimed delightedly. His gaze encompassed her from head to toe, taking in her rounded stomach and the rings on her left hand. "Look at you!" he exclaimed. "You look well, and very happy. How is everything?"
"Everything is wonderful," Holly replied, returning Adam's smile.
"When are you due?" Adam asked, gesturing to her belly.
"He's due in mid-January," Holly said.
"It's a boy? That's great," Adam said.
"Yes," Holly said, still smiling. "He's your grandson."
Adam's smile abruptly died as his face twisted in shock. "Roger is the father of your child?" he asked, dismayed.
"Yes, he is," Holly said. She held up her left hand to show off the wedding and engagement rings that Adam had seen earlier. "He's also my husband."
Adam shook his head in disbelief. "Oh, Holly."
"He's a changed man, Adam," Holly insisted.
"I can't let myself believe that," Adam replied. "The cost of being wrong is too high, and I've never recovered from the last time I was so terribly wrong about him."
"Don't you think it's about time you did?" Holly asked.
"Well, you obviously have if you married him again and you're having another child with him," Adam said. "I just hope that for your sake and the sake of this child, you aren't making a terrible mistake that you will live to regret."
"Yes, I forgave Roger. I forgave him a long time ago," Holly said. "And do you know something, Adam? It is amazing what a difference it makes when your life is not consumed by bitterness and hatred about the past. It's downright freeing, and a lot healthier emotionally, if you are not constantly focused on the wrong and the bad, especially when it's so far in the past." She peered at Adam intently. "It was a lifetime ago, Adam. Roger and I have both grown and changed so much. We have a good life now. Roger has started his own consulting firm with Blake, and they're starting to get international accounts now. They're a success. That's why I'm here, to pick Roger up. He's coming home from a business trip to Pittsburgh in just a few minutes."
Adam looked uncomfortable upon hearing that Roger would be arriving soon. "I had heard that he started his own company," Adam admitted. He looked at Holly critically then, seeming to somehow take her measure. "You really do love him."
"Yes, I do," Holly confirmed. "I think I always did. The love just got buried under a lot of anger and hate for a long time."
"And now it's not anymore."
"No." She shifted slightly as she felt Jack kicking. "Can't you give him a chance, Adam? That's all he wants: a chance to prove to you that he is not the man he was when he was young."
"That's too big a risk for me to take," Adam said. "Look at what he did to you, to Rita Stapleton, to Alan Spaulding when he got him sent to prison."
"Alan was far from innocent," Holly pointed out. "Roger made some big mistakes then, but Alan did too. And Alan's family stood by him and waited for him while he was in prison. Roger was away from his family a lot longer than Alan was away from his, but Roger had no one."
"Alan Spaulding never raped anyone," Adam asserted. "He didn't shoot people like Bill Bauer, nor did he drag anyone through a jungle in the Dominican Republic trying to kill them."
"No, but Alan tried to shoot Blake, and would have if Roger hadn't deflected the gun," Holly said. Adam's eyes widened; he hadn't known that.
"Be that as it may, perhaps you can forgive Roger for those things, but I can't," Adam said.
"So that's just it? You won't even try?" Holly wanted to know. "You won't give him a chance, now or ever?"
"He was my responsibility!" Adam exclaimed. "He was my son, and he committed these crimes, these heinous acts, against innocent people."
"He did those things. You didn't," Holly said.
"But he was my son, so ultimately he was my responsibility," Adam insisted. "And I feel guilty for letting him loose on the world, and horrified and disappointed that my son was capable of such things."
Before Holly could formulate a response to this, Roger walked into the terminal and saw Holly standing in the waiting area talking to his father. His surprise gave way to a powerful feeling of hope as he hurried over to them. "I'm home," he announced. Holly and Adam both turned to look at Roger. Holly greeted Roger with a kiss, then slid her arm around his shoulders as he looked at Adam, unable to disguise the hope in his eyes. "Dad, this is a very pleasant surprise."
"I didn't come here to see you," Adam replied bluntly. "I'm on my way to spend Thanksgiving with someone, and I'm catching my connecting flight here."
Holly ached for Roger as his face fell, the hope disappearing like a lamp going out when the switch is flipped, replaced by sadness and resignation. "Oh," he said quietly. "Who are you spending Thanksgiving with?"
Adam paused, looking very uncomfortable, but finally answered Roger. "Hart."
Roger reared back as if Adam had slapped him. "Hart?" he asked, stunned. He felt Holly squeeze his shoulder then and looked over at her, grateful for the reminder that she was right there beside him, and seeing the shock he felt mirrored on her face.
Adam's gaze darted all around the terminal before finally, reluctantly, landing on Roger again. "He sought me out last year, and we've been getting closer ever since," Adam replied. "He's a good boy, a good young man, despite the difficult life he's had."
The dig pierced Roger's soul, bringing all of the mistakes he had ever made with Hart, and all of the pain of their lack of relationship, flooding to the front of his mind.
"Where is he living now?" Roger asked.
"He doesn't want you to know," Adam informed him. "I'm not going to betray his trust by telling you." Adam braced himself for Roger's reaction then, waiting for, and fully expecting, Roger to explode, to start raging and ranting at him and demanding that he reveal Hart's whereabouts immediately.
But it was Adam's turn to be shocked when Roger just nodded sadly and asked, "Can you at least tell me if he's all right?"
Adam just looked at Roger for a long moment, trying to make sense of this reaction from Roger when he was prepared for anger and sarcasm, and finally he said, "He's doing very well."
"I'm glad to hear that," Roger said, and he was. As much as it hurt that his father was spending Thanksgiving with Hart, and neither of them wanted anything to do with him, Roger honestly was glad to hear that Hart was doing well, wherever he was and whatever he was doing.
An awkward silence descended then as Roger and Adam just stared at each other, and Holly stood there beside Roger, her arm around him, her gaze darting back and forth between her husband and her father-in-law. Finally Roger spoke again. "Holly and I are married, Dad, and we're having a baby in January, a little boy. And I have my own company now, a consulting firm. I work with Chrissy, and we just signed on to handle the sale of Kelleher Electronics of Pittsburgh to Sony, and a few weeks ago, we got the ball rolling for Cory Publishing to buy Tempo magazine. We're going international, Dad."
"It sounds like you're keeping busy," Adam said. The loudspeaker crackled to life then, and Adam listened carefully, then said, "They're calling my flight. I have to go."
"Take care of yourself," Roger said, "and..." He trailed off, then said, "And tell Hart to do the same, if you would."
Adam ignored Roger and looked at Holly. "Holly, I hope you know what you're doing."
"I do," Holly replied simply, firmly, squeezing Roger's shoulder again.
"Be careful," Adam warned her. Then he turned and walked away.
Adam had deprived Roger of the chance to at least say goodbye when he had attended Blake and Ross's wedding. This time Roger was going to say it, even if, as he suspected, Adam didn't respond. "Goodbye, Dad," Roger called after Adam's retreating figure.
Roger was right; Adam didn't stop, didn't turn around, didn't acknowledge Roger's farewell in any way.
Roger and Holly stood there watching Adam walk away, and when he had disappeared from their sight, Holly looked at Roger, his shoulders slumping in dejection and said, "Are you ready to go home?"
"Yes," Roger replied. He mustered up a wan smile for Holly, but couldn't make it stay on his face for more than a few seconds. They collected Roger's suitcase from the baggage claim and then headed home. As soon as they got in the car, Roger turned on the radio, and he and Holly were both silent for the ride home.
As he stared glumly out the car window, the lyrics of the song on the radio reached him.
Did I ask too much? More than a lot
You gave me nothin' now it's all I got
We're one but we're not the same
Well we hurt each other and we do it again
You say love is a temple, love a higher law
Love is a temple, love the higher law
You ask me to enter but then you make me crawl
And I can't be holdin' on to what you got
When all you got is hurt
Holly knew that Roger was hurting at yet another rejection from his father, emotionally hemorrhaging because Adam remained disappointed in him, unable to forgive him for the past, unwilling to even give him a chance to prove to Adam just how much he had changed. That song on the radio summed up the way Roger and Adam related to each other, the way Adam forced them to relate to each other because of his unyielding grip on the past, and on his own guilt and disappointment.
When they got home, Holly said, "Do you want something to eat? I ate already, but I could fix you something."
"No," Roger replied. "I ate on the plane. I'm not hungry anyway. Could we just go to bed and talk?"
"Sure," Holly agreed, relieved that Roger wasn't going to internalize his pain and hold it all inside.
As they got ready for bed, Holly told Roger, "Cutter's awake. He's gonna make it, but he's still in ICU and he has quite a recovery ahead of him. He identified Marian Crane as his assailant, but they haven't found her yet. And Faith is still missing too."
"Do they think Marian Crane is holed up somewhere with Faith?" Roger asked.
"That seems to be the consensus," Holly replied. "If they find one of them, they'll find both of them, but so far, they haven't found either Faith or Marian." She turned down the bed and got in, and Roger climbed in beside her.
Roger leaned back against the headboard, so Holly turned over on her side, the only comfortable position when she was lying in bed as her pregnancy progressed increasingly further, and rested her hand on Roger's chest. "I don't remember a time when my father wasn't disappointed in me," he began. "When I was six years old, my father bought me my first suit with a long pair of pants, which was a big deal in those days, since until you got to be five or six years old, any suit that you wore had short pants, and the older you got, the more babyish you thought short pants were. So that navy blue serge suit with the long pants, that was a huge deal.
"We were going somewhere, I don't remember where, and I went to wait in the backyard, and while I was waiting, I played with a tennis ball, tossing it up against the house and catching it when it bounced back to me. Well, I threw it too hard, I guess, because it bounced off the side of the house and flew over my head, over the chain-link fence, and into the neighbor's yard. So I climbed over the fence to get the ball back, and when I climbed back over the fence into my own yard, I snagged my pants on the top of the fence and ripped a big hole in them. My father yelled at me so loudly and for so long, and he finished up his lecture by telling me that he was disappointed in me."
"You were just a little boy," Holly said. "Little boys tear their pants on chain-link fences going after balls that go into the neighbor's yard. That was an overreaction."
"That's how it always was between my father and me," Roger replied. "At least, since I was old enough to remember and really be aware of what he meant, and how he felt. I just...I could never please him. And I have spent a lifetime knocking myself out trying. But nothing about me was ever good enough for my father. Well, almost nothing." He looked at Holly wryly. "He was thrilled when I married Peggy Fletcher. That was the closest I ever came to having his approval. And I did have feelings for her, I did love her in my own way. But I loved you more. I couldn't stay away from you. I didn't want to stay away from you. And when it all came out, about you and me and our affair, and about Chrissy being our daughter, my father sided with Peggy. It was wrong to cheat on her, yes. And I knew that. I knew it then, and I know it now. But as wrong as it was morally, it was right emotionally, because I loved you, and because we got Chrissy out of it. It's not that he didn't like you," he added, "he just didn't think I was good enough for you. For anybody, I guess."
"He's wrong," Holly said. "And I couldn't stay away from you any more than you could stay away from me, nor did I want to. But he's wrong, especially now, because you are good enough for me, Roger. And for Blake, and for Jack. You are. Adam's inability to forgive you, and Adam's sense of disappointment in you, are his problem, not yours. Before you got home, he told me that he feels some measure of responsibility for you, and he can't let go of that, or of the guilt it makes him feel."
Roger looked at Holly, surprised at this disclosure about his father. Then his features morphed into a look of sadness and resignation. "Frankenstein's Monster," he said glumly, employing the metaphor that Holly had used when she was taking care of him after Billy Lewis shot him and she was telling him how everyone else in town was reacting to his shooting and disappearance. "He unleashed me on an unsuspecting world and never meant for me to cause so much chaos and pain, so he feels guilty. Well, I feel guilty too."
"I know you do," Holly replied.
"My father doesn't," Roger said. "He talks about his guilt, his sense of responsibility, his disappointment in his disgrace of a son...but what about me?" He looked at Holly plaintively. "I did all of those horrible things. They were my crimes. I wasn't doing his or anyone else's bidding. I made my own choices, as wrong and as bad as nearly every single one of them was back then. But I have truly changed. I have made amends, or tried to, as much as I possibly could, at least to the people who would let me at least try to do so. I take full responsibility for what I did, for all of it. But he doesn't see that, because he doesn't see me. He can still barely look at me. He still won't listen to me and really hear me. He still won't give me the opportunity to really show him that I am so vastly different from the monster I was when I was a young man. He's still disappointed in me." Tears welled in Roger's eyes then as he whispered, "And it still hurts so damn much."
Holly felt tears pricking her own eyes. "I know it does," she said softly, her voice breaking. She started to try to move closer to Roger, but he moved closer to her instead so that she didn't have to move.
"Great," Roger said, his own voice breaking now, "now I've made you cry."
She touched his face tenderly, sniffled, and cleared her throat. "Don't you know by now that when you're hurting, I'm hurting?" she asked. She rested her hand on his cheek, her other hand now resting on his chest. "I want to make you feel better, to take this pain away, and I know that I can't, because only Adam can, and only Hart can, and neither of them will give you another chance, and you deserve one."
"I really don't think my father was trying to rub my face in the fact that he has a relationship with Hart and I don't," Roger reflected, "but knowing that Hart is close enough to my father now that they're spending Thanksgiving together and he still wants nothing to do with me..." Roger swallowed hard and looked at Holly fearfully then. "I made so many mistakes with Hart, I hurt him so much. And Chrissy...I've hurt her badly too, like with those pictures of her and Ross."
"I was involved with those pictures too," Holly reminded him. "That was both of us."
"I have hurt them, though," Roger persisted. "And the thought of ever hurting Jack like that..." His voice broke again and he bowed his head.
Holly gently lifted Roger's chin so that he had to meet her eyes. "You and I both did a lot of things wrong with Blake over the years," she began, "but she survived it all, and both of our relationships with her are better than they've ever been. And yes, we will both make mistakes with Jack, but we both know so much better now than we did when Blake was little." She looked at Roger intently. "You won't do to Jack anything that you did to Blake or to Hart because you have learned from the past. And we're raising Jack together, both of us fully committed to him and to each other. There's no going it alone this time, and all of the turmoil and the crippling insecurities and the deep misery that plagued us both when Blake was little, we have put all of that behind us, and we're doing everything we can to make sure that we never fall into those destructive patterns of behavior again, with each other or with our kids. We are strong and we are solid, and Jack is going to have all of the love and support and security we can give him, and the mistakes that we make with him will be made out of love, not out of anger or insecurity or misery or disappointment."
"I don't think there's anything that Jack could ever do that could make me disappointed in him," Roger said. "He might do things or take actions that are disappointing to me, but him as a person, he could never be a disappointment to me. Neither could Chrissy now, or Hart. I can differentiate between the person and the action now."
"And we will also make certain that Jack knows that, I promise you," Holly vowed. "Blake already knows it. As for Hart..." She trailed off.
"My lack of a relationship with him hurts, but I can't make him want to build a relationship with me any more than I can make my father want the same. It has to be up to them...and they've both done everything they can to make it abundantly clear to me that they don't want me to be a part of either of their lives," Roger replied.
"So where does that leave you?" Holly asked.
Roger took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. "Focusing on everything and everyone I do have instead of what and who I don't have," he replied, cradling her face in his palms, "starting with you." He looked at her with his heart in his eyes. "I am so thankful for you every single day, Holly, and I thank you. Thank you for forgiving me...for loving me...for marrying me...for our remarkable daughter and the incredible son that we'll be meeting in two months..." He stroked her cheek. "Thank you for my life."
She touched her forehead to his and kissed him softly. Pulling back just enough so that they could look into each other's eyes, she replied, "Our love and marriage, our remarkable daughter, and our incredible son are all joint efforts, and I'm thankful for you every day, too. I'm thankful for your part in making Blake and Jack, and I'm thankful for your love and for our life and family, and I'm thankful that I can truly be myself with you." She ran one hand down the back of his head and then rested it at the top of his spine, her other hand still resting over his heart. "Do you have any idea the gift that is, knowing that who I am, faults and all, is all I ever have to be? I spent years trying to be everyone else's ideal version of the perfect woman, and you're the only one who ever said, and meant it when you said it, 'Just be who you are. That's who I love, and that's who I want.' You talked before about being enough. You let me know every day that I am enough for you, that I don't have to twist myself up in knots trying to be someone I'm not for you to love me, and that is something no one else has ever given me, or ever could." She rubbed his chest gently. "And you, exactly as you are, all of you, the light and the dark...that's who I love, and that's who I want. You. You're enough, Roger."
Roger kissed Holly again, then said softly, "I treasure you."
"I treasure you too," she replied.
Then he laid his head in the crook of her neck and closed his eyes, relaxing into her as she wrapped her arms around him and kissed the top of his head. The twin rejections of Adam and Hart hurt Roger, yes, but it was impossible for him to hurt when he was in Holly's arms. All he could do regarding Adam and Hart was wait for them and leave the door open for both of them, and in the meantime, he had the love and support of Holly and Blake, and Jack's pending arrival to look forward to, and he was finally smart enough to know that even if Adam and Hart never came around, he still had a family that loved him and wanted him in Holly, Blake, and Jack, and they were what he was most thankful for not just at Thanksgiving, but every day of his life.
Holly watched Roger sleeping in her arms, and lightly kissed his forehead. Even if neither Adam nor Hart ever gave Roger the chance to show them how much he had changed and how much he truly wanted and would work at healthy relationships with both of them, she would never regret giving him that chance herself. Holly knew Roger better than anyone else in the world. She knew how much he had changed and how hard he worked to never again fall back into his old, destructive behaviors. He was enough for her, all of him, the good and the bad, the appealing and the not-so-appealing, and he was enough for Blake, and he would be enough for Jack. And no matter what ultimately happened with Adam and Hart, Holly would always be by Roger's side, loving him and being there for him and sharing with him this life and this family that they had built together.
She reached over and turned out the lamp on her nightstand, then settled down for a good night's sleep with Roger in her arms.
November 22, 1995, 8:19 PM Local Time-Barbara Norris's Apartment, La Mesa, California
Barbara Norris listened with growing horror as Adam Thorpe, on the other end of the telephone, recounted every detail of his unexpected encounter with her daughter Holly and Roger Thorpe at the Springfield Airport just a few hours earlier. "Are you sure, Adam? Are you really sure?" she asked when he had finished his story.
"Holly and Roger both said that she's having a boy and she's due in the middle of January," Adam replied.
"It's bad enough that she married him again. Why she married him again, I'll never understand, after what he did to her," Barbara said, "but to have another child with him, and at her age! And to not even bother to tell me about it. I swear, I don't know what is wrong with that girl! She has absolutely no sense when it comes to Roger. She never did, and obviously she never will."
"She told me that he's a changed man," Adam said in an odd tone of voice that Barbara didn't pick up on because she was so busy stewing over her daughter's eternal and blatant stupidity when it came to Roger Thorpe.
Barbara scoffed. "She's always been blind to who he really is, except for those few months after the rape," she replied.
"I've been turning it over and over in my mind since I boarded the plane," Adam continued, not acknowledging Barbara's comment. "The Roger I know would have ranted and raged at me when I refused to tell him Hart's whereabouts. "He would have insisted...no, demanded that I tell him where Hart is immediately, and he would have done whatever it took to get me to give him that information. But he didn't. He just...nodded his head sadly and asked if I could at least tell him if Hart was all right. He didn't push me or pressure me in any way."
"Did you search your luggage for bugs or listening devices?" Barbara asked.
"I had already checked my luggage before I ran into Holly, and before Roger arrived," Adam said.
"Then did you check your coat and your pockets for bugs or listening devices?" Barbara asked.
Adam wedged the receiver between his ear and shoulder and performed a cursory check of his pants pockets, his shirt pocket, then picked up his overcoat from the back of the chair and checked its pockets. "I did," he reported to Barbara, "and there's nothing there. It's not like I knew I was going to be running into Roger tonight, or Holly, or that they knew they'd be seeing me. I haven't seen or spoken to either of them in almost a year-and-a-half, not since Blake's wedding to Ross Marler."
"Blake doesn't have any more sense than Holly!" Barbara exclaimed disgustedly. "To not only take up with the man who defended Roger at the trial, but to marry him! And he's got to be twice her age besides."
"Blake really is happy with Ross, Barbara," Adam told her. "And Holly really is happy with Roger, from what I saw tonight."
"Until she finds out he's cheating on her, or he attacks her again," Barbara said, "and then what?"
"Maybe..." Adam began. "Maybe Holly isn't as blind as you think. Maybe Roger really has changed...somewhat."
"Believing that will only make you a fool, Adam," Barbara retorted.
"And there's no fool like an old fool, right?" Adam replied sarcastically. "I didn't call to argue with you about Roger. We did enough of that when we were married. I just thought you would want to know that Holly is pregnant, if you didn't already."
"I didn't," Barbara replied, "and thank you for at least possessing a decency my daughter obviously doesn't, since you did take the time to tell me that she's pregnant, something that she couldn't be bothered to do sometime in the last seven months." She glanced at the clock on the wall. "It's too late to call her tonight with the time difference, and I have to have dinner tomorrow with my son Andrew and his girlfriend, but tomorrow night, I'm going to call Holly up and we're going to have a little chat."
The song lyrics are from "One" by U2, and what I know of Adam Thorpe and Barbara Norris comes mostly from their 1994-96 appearances on GL, and what Roger told Holly about his father in 1994, most notably that he was secretive as a child because his father automatically disapproved of everything he did and his father was always disappointed in him. Also, remember that my versions of Holly and Roger are vastly different than the Holly and Roger on the show in that they have actually grown and evolved and are going on two years in therapy at this point. The parents are here to cause conflict and angst, but the key in this story is how Holly and Roger deal with the conflict and angst that Adam and Barbara bring into their lives. Thanks for reading!