The Making of 'Easy Target'
Many fanfics of the past and present attempt to veer into action orientated content; whether it be martial arts action...
(A redhead attempting a complex assortment of single legged kicks towards a taller woman with crimson highlights wearing a leather jacket. The kicks are blocked before the taller woman retaliates with her own barrage of single legged kicks in a weightroom)
Bullet hailing shootouts...
(A ponytailed man barely stays ahead of the bullet trail behind him, courtesy of a pale lavender haired woman wielding a customized Jericho 941)
Intense car chases...
(A cobalt blue McLaren 2001 convertable ramps the driver's side up a guard rail, causing it to sidewheelie and forcing a redhead woman to shift to sitting on the door of the driver's side; shooting behind her, while the woman with her looks upon nervously. They are being pursued by a humvee with a minigun on top)
Or a combination of any of the above...
(The redhead drops to the ground after smashing her foot into a man's neck, breaking it; spinning to the ground like a yo-yo, and as soon as she hits the ground, fires off a shot from her dagger guns. Switch to another scene of the ponytailed man fighting against the lavender haired woman. She pulls a gun with the barrel against his left shoulder, in which he pulls away just before the gun discharges.)
But few actually attempt to, and even fewer successfully, manage to bring it to a level that is found in WFROSE's 'Easy Target'.
'Easy Target' premise is the simple run-of-the-mill plot of a hitman framed for a job by his cohorts, with the John Woo brand of action found in such enjoyable films as 'Face Off' and Easy Target's inspiration 'The Big Hit'. Add that to well known and extraoridinarily popular manga/anime series 'Ranma 1/2', and you come across a formula so intense, you're fanning yourself after every chapter.
The story for 'Easy Target' begins with a hitman with a past and a curse; living a triple life of Ranma Saotome, the elite hitman under employment of Richter Straumhaus, Ranma Saotome the always busy and dilligent husband, and Yohiko Saotome, the wife of Ranma Saotome and friend of Hyun Kim. Ranma and his/her partner 'Squeaky' are assigned on a mission that turns out to be a setup in the midst of a plot to overthrow Richter Straumhaus from his empire. There starts a non-stop, pulse-pounding, adrenaline-sweating action fest that'll keep you hanging on the edge of your seat till the very end.
It was the brainchild of WFROSE, whose other works include the uplid
fting and hope filled Ranma/Burning Rangers crossover 'Burning Sky', the extremely psychotic, yet humorous 'Ranma the Forever Man', and the ongoing series 'Ranma the Amorous, Over-sexed Nympho'. He had the idea while working on one of his current projects 'Ranma; Hard Core', to do a fic in the vein of the famous John Woo's works. We go to an interview with this esteemed and upcoming fanfic writer/directer for his more in depth explanations of why such an ambitious, yet compelling, project, while still in production.
'So, WFROSE, are you pleased with the development of 'Easy Target'?'
[WFROSE looks up from his half empty bottle of 'Canadian Mist'] Whadda hell d'you want?
Uh, we just wanted to know how the progress of this fanfic was coming, if you will.
WF: Go away, I'm busy!
This interview was scheduled...
WF: That's nice, I'm unscheduling it.
Um, I'm afraid you can't...
WF: SECURITY!!!!
Perhaps we'll catch you at a later time. [Everyone pauses at the sound of a squeek from under the table, before WFROSE turns back to glare at the other two.]
WF: Yeah, you do that...
[Interviewer and camera man walk out of office, though the camera-man speaks up barely audible to the microphone] "He didn't seem that drunk to me, really."
[Both interviewer and cameraman peak back in, to see WFROSE pulling away from his desk to allow Joyce Soon Nue from under it]
Joyce: So, I'm going to be in the next one with Ranma?
WF: Uh, sure, whatever, now get going before someone else gets nosy.
[Joyce smiles, and sneaks out of the room, just barely missing seeing a fleeing cameraman and reporter. WFROSE smirks, and puts his feet on top of his desk, inspecting his highly polished wingtips] "Damn, she give a fine buff, I can see my reflection in them now!"
_____________________________
So, what was it like working in this fic, compared to others?
Akane Tendou: Well, I'm not getting paid or anything, lousy fucking cheap-ass broke punk half bit second-rate wanna be Kami-be-damned fanfic writers..."
I... see. It's good to know you're not bitter in the least.
Tendou: Don't get me wrong, it's a good gig, I don't get many roles like this any more. I mean, I like playing the villian every once in a while, you know?
The role suits you quite well.
Tendou: Thanks I... [The woman goes silent, and her eyes narrow a fraction, before she shakes her head] Anyways, I'm playing a strong character, not some one-dimensional, hammer-weilding, airheaded, hyperdense, clueless bitch.
Yes, I can see how playing a raging she-hulk bull-dyke would be a refreshing change of pace.
Tendou: ....
Did I tell you how well the role suits you?
Tendou: [Frowns slightly] Yes, you did.
Anyway, I believe you're doing all your own stunts and fight scenes?
Tendou: [Cheerfully] Yup, with my martial arts background, I think it would be helpful on my resume to get a few break-neck fighting scenes under my belt. [Cut to scene with Ranma-chan performing flutter kicks, in which Scarlet reaches into to grab the redhead by her shirt, and toss her away.]
Yes, speaking of which, you didn't find it degrading for Ranma to have to tone his, or her skill level down in order to make you look comparable, did you?
Tendou: HEY! I can hold my own pretty well!
Of course you can. [Smiles] Do you intend to be working harder in the future, to build your abilities up for upcoming fight scenes in other fanfics, I mean.
Tendou: I work out plenty, I'll have ya know!
I'm sorry, I didn't mean any offense by it.
Tendou: [Sighs] I know, I know, sorry. Damn, you're as bad as Ranma, you know that?
Speaking of Ranma, how has your relationship with your co-worker come along?
Tendou: [Laughs bitterly] What 'relationship'? Seriously though, we're just friends now-a-days. We got over our parents' insistance for engagement, and we're both happy for it.
So, it had nothing to do with the restraining order he supplied to each and every one of his former fiancees. I believe yours was for assault? How about rumors that he's gay?
Tendou: You're treading on dangerous ground... [reaching for a blunt object around the couch she's lounging in, her hand comes in contact with a lamp]
Okay, sorry. Changing the subject, what do you think of your role as 'Scarlet'?
Tendou:... You're not going to make another comment about the role suiting me, are you?
No, we're both well aware of that fact, now, about Scarlet.
Tendou: [Taking deep breaths, while counting to herself before answering] I like her. She's a tragic character whose life ended up out of her hands. She let bitterness run her for so long, that once the opportunity for revenge came along, she took it and couldn't let it go.
How do you mean?
Tendou: [Smirks] You'll just have to see the fic to find that out. WFROSE has an extremely strict policy about letting too much be revealed about his storylines.
Understandable, I had just spoken with him, but he was busy with your co-actress Joyce Soon.
Tendou:.... I don't want to know.
She was under his desk.
Tendou: LALALALALA, I'M NOT LISTENING!!!!! [covering her ears]
Okay, okay, back to the movie subject. Do you plan on taking any more roles like this in the future?
Tendou: I don't see why not? I'll definatly be around if 'Scarlet' makes another appearance. [Winks]
Good, I mean you made a really convincing butch lesbian there.
Tendou: GET OUT!!!!! [Grabs lamp and hurls it. Both cameraman and interviewer quickly run from the trailor. Akane sighs, when they leave, and picks up the phone] Hmm? Yes? Can you send a man over for me? I need to assert my femeninity again.
_____________________________
Mr. Burlis Hendrich, it's a pleasure to meet you
Burlis Hendrich: Ja, ist good meeting joo.
....
Hendrich: Was?
Uh, I was just caught offguard by your accent, that's all. I mean you spoke impeccable...
Hendrich: Ach, sorry, das ist on camera, I practice mein lines, ist der word 'frequent'?
That's close enough. In the film you run a mob house I understand, that employes elite hitmen?
Hendrich: Ja, Ich bin, uh, one crimeboss. [Laughs] Ich, er, I... ja, I, uh, what ist der word? maintnance?
Maintain?
Hendrich: Das mean to own?
Then you mean 'rule'
Hendrich: Ach, klair, Ich, I 'rule' deim mob house. Ist ein... fulfilling role, und in der flick mit Ranma Saotome... [Accent gets heavier, and interviewer starts tuning it out. A half hour later...] ...restaurieren heisst soviel wie wieder herstellen. Also wenn ein...
Well, thank you for your time, we must be going now.
_____________________________
Ranma, Ranma Saotome, it's a pleasure to meet you...
Ranma Saotome: Get that damn camera outta my face!
Well, we have an interview with you on the...
Saotome: [Taking a stance] Mouku...
Hey, isn't that Ukyo Kuonji? We'll see you later then! [Cameraman and Interviewer desperately attempt to outrun the glowing projectile]
_____________________________
While the frantic action sets the pace, the fic's soundtrack sets the mood. That mood is supplied various artists, but the one that contributed the most was the popular Japanese R&B group 'M-Flo'. Based actually in New York and Los Angeles in the United States, their albums are circulated through out clubs all over Japan, even going as far to be featured in the Popular dancing game 'Dance Dance Revolution'. We're currently at an interview with two of the three members of M-Flo, Lisa and DJ Taku.
So, how was it the tracks for 'Easy Target' were selected? You must feel honored to have your music used extensively for the score.
Taku: We didn't select jack SHIT! Nobody gave them damn permission to use any of our properties, especially without paying us or our consent!
Lisa: We're afraid due to legal circumstance that we cannot comment about this ordeal, but on the plus note, we're in the midst of creating a new album called... [Interviewer tunes out shameless self-promotion that Lisa is obviously reading from a script]
_____________________________
Ukyo Kuonji: I see you've spoken with Ranma [Smirks].
Something like that, yes. [Dusts off ash from shoulder, while brushing the soot from his hair] Is he always this tempermental?
Kuonji: Well, his psychiatrist suggested that he doesn't withold his emotions like he used to, kinda put him in a bad way.
Ah, so he's venting years of fustration, brilliant. Anyhow, we're here about your role as 'Chef'. You don't have many speaking lines I'm told.
Kuonji: 'Chef' is the silent type, one of those who don't speak unless they have something important to say. She's pretty tactical, and has a plan for everything. [Cut to the scene where Ranma-chan lifts uf a desk lid, to find two whipping canes folded inside it; it is apparent that every desk has at least two, to keep Chef in ready supply]
I heard she's made to seem the weakest of the... I believe the group is called 'The Seven Fiancees'?
Kuonji: I don't see how that is [Shrugs].
Well, apparently she folds after taking one hit.
Kuonji: [Grimaces] Anyhow, she's one of the primary legs of the group. Without her stratagy, they wouldn't get very far.
And I believe there are 'three' primary legs of this band?
Kuonji: You got it [Smiles]
And how many members are their in this group, I ask?
Kuonji: [Frowns]...
Aside from that, how did the name 'Seven Fiancees' come about?
Kuonji: [Smiles again] It was kind of an inside joke with the old Nerima Crew. You see, last we counted, Ranma had seven Fiancees.
Seven? And he's actually bitter about it? I mean did they all look as lovely as you, Akane, and Shampoo?
Kuonji: [Blushes] Well, I guess we all looked okay.
Hmm, 'okay' is not the word! I mean you three look gorgeous!
[Kuonji blushes deeper, and gives in to nervousness from flattery, and begins slapping the interviewer around]
Kuonji: I'm so embarrased! How can you say such things on camera!
Forgive me [Grimaces in pain], I'll ensure next time, for the sake of self preservation, to call you 'butt-ugly'.
::CLANG!!!!::
... I see you still carry that spatula around [groans].
Kuonji: Comes in handy for pounding out lumpy irritations...
I get the point, or should I say 'the flat end'? For your role, I noticed you had to wear breast bindings again.
Kuonji: Huh?
Your chest, from what I was told about you in the past, you actually were quite endowed. I understand it had to be painful to bind them down again.
Kuonji: Oh, I didn't bind them.
You didn't?
Kuonji: Nope, had a breast reduction! [Beams happily]
Pardon me?
Kuonji: Well, they were a pain in the back, really.
I... see. But, um, it looks as if you probably had quite a bit of it removed...
Kuonji: [Smiles] All of it!
.... You seem quite happy about this.
Kuonji: Well, it's just one step further until the operation!
...
Kuonji: you're looking kinda pale, you okay?
Um, so you don't intend to retain your role as 'Chef' in case you're needed for a sequal or spin-off?
Kuonji: Well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
Uh, I thank you for your time, Mr. er, Ms. Kuonji. [Both cameraman and interviewer walk out, mumbling 'Damn shame']
_____________________________
Ms. Joyce Soon Nue, you're a surprise on this cast. You were a reletively unknown actress before this, I understand.
Joyce Soon Nue: [Giggles in a bubbly way that anything sentient would find excrutiatingly grating] I used to star in soft porn before WFROSE approached me!
... For some reason, I don't find that all that surprising.
Soon: It's how David Ducoveny started out! At first, I didn't believe him, he came up to me and asked me, "Hey, lovely, how would you like to be in fanfics?'
But obviously you accepted.
Soon Nue: What's a 'fanfic'?
[Sighs] Is there going to be any further point in talking with you?
Soon Nue: Uhhhhhhh....
Sorry for taking your time.
Soon Nue: Wait, aren't you going to ask me about my role?
...So you *are* capable of intelligent conversation!
Soon Nue: No, I have satilite at home...
...You know? That *could* be mistaken as 'wit'.
Soon Nue: You mean like when that English man Winston Churchill told that woman at the formal gathering, when she said if he were her husband she would poison him, and he replied [deep baratone voice] 'Madam, if I were your husband, I would drink it!'
...What...
Cameraman: The hell....
Uh, anyway, about your role as Kim. You fall in love with your co-acter/atress's character, not knowing that he was really a guy, I understand.
Soon Nue: Ranma has a cute toosh!
Um, the guy form or the girl form is it that you're referring to? Interviewer decides to confirm suspicion, and sighs at Soon's blank stare]
Soon Nue: I wish I could talk to Ranma again...
That's right, you also have a restraining order against you from him.
Soon Nue: Actually, I like pulped orange juice better.
WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COME FRO... n-never mind. [Both interviewer and cameraman look at each other in despair] Well, our time is up, it was a... an experience talking with you.
Soon Nue: Bai bai! [both men walk out of the room, shaking their heads as if warding off intellectual osmosis]. *Sigh*, what gullible, oblivious twits these reporters tend to be [Soon Nue smirks, and then opens up a copy of works by Walter Whitman and other poets of romantism and Expressionism, while donning her bifocals.] 'Soft Porn' indeed...
_____________________________
::Knock knock::
Ranma Saotome: [From behind door] I told you, Joyce, violate the restraining order again, and I'll have you arrested!
Um... Note this is a guy's voice...
Saotome:...
Can we come in now?
Saotome: I ain't open'n this door for ya, Kuno. I already told ya, I ain't like that!
... We'll come back later...
Many fanfics of the past and present attempt to veer into action orientated content; whether it be martial arts action...
(A redhead attempting a complex assortment of single legged kicks towards a taller woman with crimson highlights wearing a leather jacket. The kicks are blocked before the taller woman retaliates with her own barrage of single legged kicks in a weightroom)
Bullet hailing shootouts...
(A ponytailed man barely stays ahead of the bullet trail behind him, courtesy of a pale lavender haired woman wielding a customized Jericho 941)
Intense car chases...
(A cobalt blue McLaren 2001 convertable ramps the driver's side up a guard rail, causing it to sidewheelie and forcing a redhead woman to shift to sitting on the door of the driver's side; shooting behind her, while the woman with her looks upon nervously. They are being pursued by a humvee with a minigun on top)
Or a combination of any of the above...
(The redhead drops to the ground after smashing her foot into a man's neck, breaking it; spinning to the ground like a yo-yo, and as soon as she hits the ground, fires off a shot from her dagger guns. Switch to another scene of the ponytailed man fighting against the lavender haired woman. She pulls a gun with the barrel against his left shoulder, in which he pulls away just before the gun discharges.)
But few actually attempt to, and even fewer successfully, manage to bring it to a level that is found in WFROSE's 'Easy Target'.
'Easy Target' premise is the simple run-of-the-mill plot of a hitman framed for a job by his cohorts, with the John Woo brand of action found in such enjoyable films as 'Face Off' and Easy Target's inspiration 'The Big Hit'. Add that to well known and extraoridinarily popular manga/anime series 'Ranma 1/2', and you come across a formula so intense, you're fanning yourself after every chapter.
The story for 'Easy Target' begins with a hitman with a past and a curse; living a triple life of Ranma Saotome, the elite hitman under employment of Richter Straumhaus, Ranma Saotome the always busy and dilligent husband, and Yohiko Saotome, the wife of Ranma Saotome and friend of Hyun Kim. Ranma and his/her partner 'Squeaky' are assigned on a mission that turns out to be a setup in the midst of a plot to overthrow Richter Straumhaus from his empire. There starts a non-stop, pulse-pounding, adrenaline-sweating action fest that'll keep you hanging on the edge of your seat till the very end.
It was the brainchild of WFROSE, whose other works include the uplid
fting and hope filled Ranma/Burning Rangers crossover 'Burning Sky', the extremely psychotic, yet humorous 'Ranma the Forever Man', and the ongoing series 'Ranma the Amorous, Over-sexed Nympho'. He had the idea while working on one of his current projects 'Ranma; Hard Core', to do a fic in the vein of the famous John Woo's works. We go to an interview with this esteemed and upcoming fanfic writer/directer for his more in depth explanations of why such an ambitious, yet compelling, project, while still in production.
'So, WFROSE, are you pleased with the development of 'Easy Target'?'
[WFROSE looks up from his half empty bottle of 'Canadian Mist'] Whadda hell d'you want?
Uh, we just wanted to know how the progress of this fanfic was coming, if you will.
WF: Go away, I'm busy!
This interview was scheduled...
WF: That's nice, I'm unscheduling it.
Um, I'm afraid you can't...
WF: SECURITY!!!!
Perhaps we'll catch you at a later time. [Everyone pauses at the sound of a squeek from under the table, before WFROSE turns back to glare at the other two.]
WF: Yeah, you do that...
[Interviewer and camera man walk out of office, though the camera-man speaks up barely audible to the microphone] "He didn't seem that drunk to me, really."
[Both interviewer and cameraman peak back in, to see WFROSE pulling away from his desk to allow Joyce Soon Nue from under it]
Joyce: So, I'm going to be in the next one with Ranma?
WF: Uh, sure, whatever, now get going before someone else gets nosy.
[Joyce smiles, and sneaks out of the room, just barely missing seeing a fleeing cameraman and reporter. WFROSE smirks, and puts his feet on top of his desk, inspecting his highly polished wingtips] "Damn, she give a fine buff, I can see my reflection in them now!"
_____________________________
So, what was it like working in this fic, compared to others?
Akane Tendou: Well, I'm not getting paid or anything, lousy fucking cheap-ass broke punk half bit second-rate wanna be Kami-be-damned fanfic writers..."
I... see. It's good to know you're not bitter in the least.
Tendou: Don't get me wrong, it's a good gig, I don't get many roles like this any more. I mean, I like playing the villian every once in a while, you know?
The role suits you quite well.
Tendou: Thanks I... [The woman goes silent, and her eyes narrow a fraction, before she shakes her head] Anyways, I'm playing a strong character, not some one-dimensional, hammer-weilding, airheaded, hyperdense, clueless bitch.
Yes, I can see how playing a raging she-hulk bull-dyke would be a refreshing change of pace.
Tendou: ....
Did I tell you how well the role suits you?
Tendou: [Frowns slightly] Yes, you did.
Anyway, I believe you're doing all your own stunts and fight scenes?
Tendou: [Cheerfully] Yup, with my martial arts background, I think it would be helpful on my resume to get a few break-neck fighting scenes under my belt. [Cut to scene with Ranma-chan performing flutter kicks, in which Scarlet reaches into to grab the redhead by her shirt, and toss her away.]
Yes, speaking of which, you didn't find it degrading for Ranma to have to tone his, or her skill level down in order to make you look comparable, did you?
Tendou: HEY! I can hold my own pretty well!
Of course you can. [Smiles] Do you intend to be working harder in the future, to build your abilities up for upcoming fight scenes in other fanfics, I mean.
Tendou: I work out plenty, I'll have ya know!
I'm sorry, I didn't mean any offense by it.
Tendou: [Sighs] I know, I know, sorry. Damn, you're as bad as Ranma, you know that?
Speaking of Ranma, how has your relationship with your co-worker come along?
Tendou: [Laughs bitterly] What 'relationship'? Seriously though, we're just friends now-a-days. We got over our parents' insistance for engagement, and we're both happy for it.
So, it had nothing to do with the restraining order he supplied to each and every one of his former fiancees. I believe yours was for assault? How about rumors that he's gay?
Tendou: You're treading on dangerous ground... [reaching for a blunt object around the couch she's lounging in, her hand comes in contact with a lamp]
Okay, sorry. Changing the subject, what do you think of your role as 'Scarlet'?
Tendou:... You're not going to make another comment about the role suiting me, are you?
No, we're both well aware of that fact, now, about Scarlet.
Tendou: [Taking deep breaths, while counting to herself before answering] I like her. She's a tragic character whose life ended up out of her hands. She let bitterness run her for so long, that once the opportunity for revenge came along, she took it and couldn't let it go.
How do you mean?
Tendou: [Smirks] You'll just have to see the fic to find that out. WFROSE has an extremely strict policy about letting too much be revealed about his storylines.
Understandable, I had just spoken with him, but he was busy with your co-actress Joyce Soon.
Tendou:.... I don't want to know.
She was under his desk.
Tendou: LALALALALA, I'M NOT LISTENING!!!!! [covering her ears]
Okay, okay, back to the movie subject. Do you plan on taking any more roles like this in the future?
Tendou: I don't see why not? I'll definatly be around if 'Scarlet' makes another appearance. [Winks]
Good, I mean you made a really convincing butch lesbian there.
Tendou: GET OUT!!!!! [Grabs lamp and hurls it. Both cameraman and interviewer quickly run from the trailor. Akane sighs, when they leave, and picks up the phone] Hmm? Yes? Can you send a man over for me? I need to assert my femeninity again.
_____________________________
Mr. Burlis Hendrich, it's a pleasure to meet you
Burlis Hendrich: Ja, ist good meeting joo.
....
Hendrich: Was?
Uh, I was just caught offguard by your accent, that's all. I mean you spoke impeccable...
Hendrich: Ach, sorry, das ist on camera, I practice mein lines, ist der word 'frequent'?
That's close enough. In the film you run a mob house I understand, that employes elite hitmen?
Hendrich: Ja, Ich bin, uh, one crimeboss. [Laughs] Ich, er, I... ja, I, uh, what ist der word? maintnance?
Maintain?
Hendrich: Das mean to own?
Then you mean 'rule'
Hendrich: Ach, klair, Ich, I 'rule' deim mob house. Ist ein... fulfilling role, und in der flick mit Ranma Saotome... [Accent gets heavier, and interviewer starts tuning it out. A half hour later...] ...restaurieren heisst soviel wie wieder herstellen. Also wenn ein...
Well, thank you for your time, we must be going now.
_____________________________
Ranma, Ranma Saotome, it's a pleasure to meet you...
Ranma Saotome: Get that damn camera outta my face!
Well, we have an interview with you on the...
Saotome: [Taking a stance] Mouku...
Hey, isn't that Ukyo Kuonji? We'll see you later then! [Cameraman and Interviewer desperately attempt to outrun the glowing projectile]
_____________________________
While the frantic action sets the pace, the fic's soundtrack sets the mood. That mood is supplied various artists, but the one that contributed the most was the popular Japanese R&B group 'M-Flo'. Based actually in New York and Los Angeles in the United States, their albums are circulated through out clubs all over Japan, even going as far to be featured in the Popular dancing game 'Dance Dance Revolution'. We're currently at an interview with two of the three members of M-Flo, Lisa and DJ Taku.
So, how was it the tracks for 'Easy Target' were selected? You must feel honored to have your music used extensively for the score.
Taku: We didn't select jack SHIT! Nobody gave them damn permission to use any of our properties, especially without paying us or our consent!
Lisa: We're afraid due to legal circumstance that we cannot comment about this ordeal, but on the plus note, we're in the midst of creating a new album called... [Interviewer tunes out shameless self-promotion that Lisa is obviously reading from a script]
_____________________________
Ukyo Kuonji: I see you've spoken with Ranma [Smirks].
Something like that, yes. [Dusts off ash from shoulder, while brushing the soot from his hair] Is he always this tempermental?
Kuonji: Well, his psychiatrist suggested that he doesn't withold his emotions like he used to, kinda put him in a bad way.
Ah, so he's venting years of fustration, brilliant. Anyhow, we're here about your role as 'Chef'. You don't have many speaking lines I'm told.
Kuonji: 'Chef' is the silent type, one of those who don't speak unless they have something important to say. She's pretty tactical, and has a plan for everything. [Cut to the scene where Ranma-chan lifts uf a desk lid, to find two whipping canes folded inside it; it is apparent that every desk has at least two, to keep Chef in ready supply]
I heard she's made to seem the weakest of the... I believe the group is called 'The Seven Fiancees'?
Kuonji: I don't see how that is [Shrugs].
Well, apparently she folds after taking one hit.
Kuonji: [Grimaces] Anyhow, she's one of the primary legs of the group. Without her stratagy, they wouldn't get very far.
And I believe there are 'three' primary legs of this band?
Kuonji: You got it [Smiles]
And how many members are their in this group, I ask?
Kuonji: [Frowns]...
Aside from that, how did the name 'Seven Fiancees' come about?
Kuonji: [Smiles again] It was kind of an inside joke with the old Nerima Crew. You see, last we counted, Ranma had seven Fiancees.
Seven? And he's actually bitter about it? I mean did they all look as lovely as you, Akane, and Shampoo?
Kuonji: [Blushes] Well, I guess we all looked okay.
Hmm, 'okay' is not the word! I mean you three look gorgeous!
[Kuonji blushes deeper, and gives in to nervousness from flattery, and begins slapping the interviewer around]
Kuonji: I'm so embarrased! How can you say such things on camera!
Forgive me [Grimaces in pain], I'll ensure next time, for the sake of self preservation, to call you 'butt-ugly'.
::CLANG!!!!::
... I see you still carry that spatula around [groans].
Kuonji: Comes in handy for pounding out lumpy irritations...
I get the point, or should I say 'the flat end'? For your role, I noticed you had to wear breast bindings again.
Kuonji: Huh?
Your chest, from what I was told about you in the past, you actually were quite endowed. I understand it had to be painful to bind them down again.
Kuonji: Oh, I didn't bind them.
You didn't?
Kuonji: Nope, had a breast reduction! [Beams happily]
Pardon me?
Kuonji: Well, they were a pain in the back, really.
I... see. But, um, it looks as if you probably had quite a bit of it removed...
Kuonji: [Smiles] All of it!
.... You seem quite happy about this.
Kuonji: Well, it's just one step further until the operation!
...
Kuonji: you're looking kinda pale, you okay?
Um, so you don't intend to retain your role as 'Chef' in case you're needed for a sequal or spin-off?
Kuonji: Well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
Uh, I thank you for your time, Mr. er, Ms. Kuonji. [Both cameraman and interviewer walk out, mumbling 'Damn shame']
_____________________________
Ms. Joyce Soon Nue, you're a surprise on this cast. You were a reletively unknown actress before this, I understand.
Joyce Soon Nue: [Giggles in a bubbly way that anything sentient would find excrutiatingly grating] I used to star in soft porn before WFROSE approached me!
... For some reason, I don't find that all that surprising.
Soon: It's how David Ducoveny started out! At first, I didn't believe him, he came up to me and asked me, "Hey, lovely, how would you like to be in fanfics?'
But obviously you accepted.
Soon Nue: What's a 'fanfic'?
[Sighs] Is there going to be any further point in talking with you?
Soon Nue: Uhhhhhhh....
Sorry for taking your time.
Soon Nue: Wait, aren't you going to ask me about my role?
...So you *are* capable of intelligent conversation!
Soon Nue: No, I have satilite at home...
...You know? That *could* be mistaken as 'wit'.
Soon Nue: You mean like when that English man Winston Churchill told that woman at the formal gathering, when she said if he were her husband she would poison him, and he replied [deep baratone voice] 'Madam, if I were your husband, I would drink it!'
...What...
Cameraman: The hell....
Uh, anyway, about your role as Kim. You fall in love with your co-acter/atress's character, not knowing that he was really a guy, I understand.
Soon Nue: Ranma has a cute toosh!
Um, the guy form or the girl form is it that you're referring to? Interviewer decides to confirm suspicion, and sighs at Soon's blank stare]
Soon Nue: I wish I could talk to Ranma again...
That's right, you also have a restraining order against you from him.
Soon Nue: Actually, I like pulped orange juice better.
WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COME FRO... n-never mind. [Both interviewer and cameraman look at each other in despair] Well, our time is up, it was a... an experience talking with you.
Soon Nue: Bai bai! [both men walk out of the room, shaking their heads as if warding off intellectual osmosis]. *Sigh*, what gullible, oblivious twits these reporters tend to be [Soon Nue smirks, and then opens up a copy of works by Walter Whitman and other poets of romantism and Expressionism, while donning her bifocals.] 'Soft Porn' indeed...
_____________________________
::Knock knock::
Ranma Saotome: [From behind door] I told you, Joyce, violate the restraining order again, and I'll have you arrested!
Um... Note this is a guy's voice...
Saotome:...
Can we come in now?
Saotome: I ain't open'n this door for ya, Kuno. I already told ya, I ain't like that!
... We'll come back later...