A/N: Hi everyone! I don't know if anyone else is following my other story, The Blood's Desire, but the reason I didn't have this done in time was the crazy storms and power outages I had. So I'm happy to have this chapter done for you for today.

Also, I have been getting reviews about people asking me if I'm going to do something different in this story because it sounds a lot like Rebecca. Essentially, I am following the plot of Rebecca, but I have included parts that are not in the original story to make this Phantom.

Some major differences: the narrator's background- we don't have that in Rebecca, but for my story I included it so we know Christine better and how she meets Mrs. Van Hopper, which is all made up by me.

Mr. de Winter- Erik wears a mask. The original Mr. de Winter did not.

The singing lessons- the original Maxim de Winter does not teach her to sing and therefore anything involving music and the music room is made up by me.

The honeymoon- in Rebecca, they go to Italy. I put my de Winters in Paris where I introduced Philippe and Lucille Savon who do not exist in Rebecca. I also included some information about the first Mrs. de Winter's death earlier than the novel. The second Mrs. de Winter doesn't find out until she arrives in Manderley. And I do have to add that I did include a love scene, which is not in the original storyline, and the fact that Erik is calling out his dead wife's name. That was not in Rebecca.

Maxim's sister- in this story, we have Ayesha in the role of Beatrice. All the banter going on was made up by me, except for a few lines that were in Rebecca.

Now, I have several other characters that have not been introduced yet, and two of them are not in Rebecca. The other two—Meg and Raoul—are going to have more scenes in this story to show the development of friendship and drama that was not in Rebecca. That will be later.

Also, I wanted to include more rationalizing on Christine's part because even though the narrator explains the events, we don't always have the reason for why she does or says the things she does. That bothered me so this is a way for me to do that and make her decisions realistic as to why she is doing them.

Now, as for the rest of the story, including dialogue, I am pleased a lot of you find that it echoes Rebecca. Some lines do because they are fantastic and brilliantly written. The rest is my imitation of the author and the time period. I am a history major and I love to read period books so I feel that I have a good grasp on how the people talked back then. Trust me, it takes me a long time to make sure that every piece of dialogue said fits accordingly and not at all modern. Sometimes it can be easy to add in slang and other words of this current time, instead of the past. So I do go over it and make sure that it blends in nicely. Do I catch every mistake? No… but I feel that I'm doing it justice to make it a good story.

That said, if for some of you, you don't like that, then you don't have to continue reading. I'll be sad that you stopped, especially since I have other things going to happen as well as some event changes and such, but I'll understand if you're looking for more Opera Ghost. But… if you do like this and these things are all right, then please continue.

There! That is all said and off my chest now so I hope if you stuck around long enough, please enjoy this new chapter!

Chapter 12

Nadir said he needed to go too and wished us a good day and told Erik he would be calling him later about some other business that needed to be done. Erik nodded, waving him off. As soon as he was gone, Erik turned to me and said:

"I don't know about you, but I could go for a walk."

I eagerly agreed. Finally! Erik and I were alone and we will walk the grounds of Manderley just us two…

"Sasha! Come girl!" Erik called as he stood in the doorway. I heard an excited yap and Sasha came bounding out with her tail wagging. Erik then said, "It looks like it might rain. You will need a coat."

"Oh no. I'll be fine—"

"The devil you will be. Robert! Go fetch a mackintosh for Mrs. de Winter in the flower-room and grab one for me as well."

Robert returned quickly with our jackets, but the one that he handed me was too long in the sleeves and big in general. Thinking I was handed Erik's, I saw that my husband's jacket fitted him well and he stood waiting for me to hurry with fastening the buttons. I didn't want to make Robert bring me another one and Erik was growing impatient.

"Don't worry about the blasted thing. Let's have our walk before it rains."

I ceased my fussing over the jacket and quickly ran to catch up with Erik and Sasha. He did slow his pace down and quietly asked, "What did you think of my sister?"

"I like her," I said, speaking the truth. Ayesha was unlike any woman I ever met, and while she did have a sense of bluntness and forwardness that I was not used to, I did enjoy spending time with her. I was even considering her invitation to go to her home to learn how to ride. It sounded like it would be fun… flying through the fields, the wind at my hair. Of course, I would like Erik to be there with me too. I do not think I was comfortable to go on my own. "She was very nice to me."

I stole a look at my husband, grateful I could see his left profile. There was a small uplift of his lip to show he was pleased to hear. "May I inquiry what you two talked about before she left?"

"Oh… nothing at all important. She did most of the talking and she said I was not what she was expecting."

"And what the devil was she expecting?"

"Probably someone prettier and smarter than I. Either a social butterfly or a well off widow."

Erik scoffed. "She did, did she? It goes to show you that despite her intelligence she can be very unintelligent."

I frowned. "I don't know. She is well learned than I. And she has more talents than I could ever hope to have."

"My dear do not ever compare yourself to her. I married you, not my sister. If I wanted someone like her… no. I would not consider it. One Ayesha is enough in this family. I would be damning myself if I married another one."

I took what he said and locked them away in my little safe of memories. How my heart soared with those precious words! He could have had anyone he wanted for a wife and he chose me. It made me happy to know that though my accomplishments were lacking, Erik still found me compatible to be with him.

We walked along the drive when Erik turned to cross over the grass banks and into the woods. It was as dark as I remembered when we drove through them on our way to Manderley, the trees standing very close together, blocking the sun from breaking through. Sasha barked and jumped over the fallen branches and twigs as our feet crunched upon the leaves.

I kept close to Erik, my arm looping with his, so I would not get lost. Erik gazed down at me with an affectionate grin. "Don't tell me that darkness frightens my angel?"

"N-no," I said. "I don't like this kind of darkness."

Erik chuckled. "My… you're a peculiar thing. I did not realize there were than one kind of darkness."

He teased me but I did not know how to defend my statement. How could I begin to explain that there was something about these woods that were supernatural-like? I was expecting a specter to come out from behind a tree and lead us to the darker part of the woods where we will forever be lost to roam for eternity.

"There we are," he said, interrupting my thoughts of our ghostly demise when we came upon a clearing. There were two paths that led in opposite directions. Sasha was trotting to the one on the right without hesitation, like it was the natural one to take.

"No Sasha," Erik commanded. "Not that way."

Sasha stopped and looked at us, waiting for us to join her. I looked up into Erik's face and asked, "Why does Sasha want to go that way?"

He shrugged. "She's probably used to it. Come let's go this way. Sasha will follow."

"What's down that way?" I inquired as we took the path on the left. Soon enough I heard the crunching of leaves behind us and then Sasha flew past us.

"It leads to a small cove where we used to have a boat. Nothing at all worth exploring ma petit."

We didn't speak and I wondered why Erik had been so quick to dismiss that path. A cove would be a marvelous place to explore I would imagine. But the way his expression changed… the green in his eyes darkening… I knew it was best I left that topic alone. For now.

"There," my companion said all of a sudden. "Look Christine."

I gasped in amazement. We were standing on top of a hill, the path wounding away to a valley where a stream ran along the side. There were no specter-filled trees or darkness. Sunlight penetrated the area with its warm embrace, and growing on either side of the pathway were azaleas and rhododendrons—not the red ones—but they were white, gold, and pink. A myriad of wildflowers covered the grassy fields in yellows, blues, reds, and purples. They were the loveliest colors I had ever seen and I breathed in their sweet scents, knowing this had to be what heaven smelled like.

Erik came to stand behind me, his hands barely touching my shoulders, as he bent his lips to my ear to whisper in a voice so low, so husky as if he didn't want to disturb the quiet scene.

"Welcome to the Elysium."

Then, as to welcome us, we heard a blackbird singing and in response, his friends joined in on the chorus. This was a place of enchantment, a place from out of my dreams. As I was the first to move, I was swept up in the beauty of this valley as I was already envisioning spots where I could sit to sketch the flowers and stream. It was so serene and magical that I couldn't stop myself from clapping in childlike joy.

Erik gazed at me fondly, his smile becoming wider, as I was telling him my plans to draw this and that. I didn't even notice when he tapped my shoulder and held out one of the azaleas to me. The petals were a bright shade of pink and its fragrance was the sweetest I ever inhaled. I blushed, taking the gift.

"I see I do not have to ask if you like it."

"It's very beautiful Erik. Thank you." I knew right then that I will certainly love Manderley as much as Erik did. This place… the Elysium was the very crux of his home, our home. This was a safe haven full of beauty and light and life. Here… we could be ourselves without the weights of servants, business, and society. We were free.

Finally, I was under Manderley's spell and everything from before was long forgotten. The drive, the maze of corridors and rooms, Mrs. Danvers… This was the real Manderley. This was the Manderley where I would grow old with my husband.

For the first time, I did not feel like an intruder or an interloper. The Elysium did not know such words. Here… anyone was welcomed.

Erik continued ahead and I trailed behind him watching as the path of flowers disappeared and I knew we left the valley. Then we were standing on a narrow cove with the sea touching the shore beyond us.

It was so unexpectedly that Erik laughed at my baffled visage. "I know, shocking isn't it? Most people feel the same way as there is no way to prepare for the new contrast." He bent down and picked up a stone and threw it across the beach. "Go get it girl!"

Sasha barked and took off running for the stone, her tongue hanging out. I had to laugh and I looked up at Erik.

"Anthony told me that her name is Sasha the Third and that I had to ask you why you named your dogs Sasha."

Erik smirked and leaned against the rock wall. "He did? I suppose I could tell you. Promise you won't laugh or tease me?"

I nodded, anticipating the story about my husband. "I promise."

"Very well. I'm sure you might have heard some rumors about me from my staff. If you did, then it's all right. I know they speak about me, but they know not to say it in front of me."

This was not true. I have not heard anything about him, but I nodded anyways for him to go on.

"Christine, there's a reason why I wear this mask. It's not because I liked to, it's a must. Do not ask questions. Let me explain. My parents were good people. They were highly respected, loved, and charitable among the staff, neighbors, and their circle of friends. My mother, Madeline de Winter, was known throughout the land for her beauty and her generous soul. It was one of the reasons why my father fell in love with her. She did not mind getting her hands dirty and helping to work the fields if someone was injured or too ill to work. She always visited the tenants and their families, making sure that all the children were well fed, clothed, and she would teach them the basics for reading and writing. An angel, they called her. Sent from the heavens to help those in need.

"Of course, not too many women in her class would do such a thing. They were expected to perform some acts of charity, but they never were heavily involved as my mother. She loved Manderley and everyone in it. As for my father… Charles de Winter was a gifted man and he loved to draw. In his spare time, he would do a job here and there as an architect. He helped to design the chapel that's in town to withstand harsh winds. He was also a charitable man and would often be at his wife's side when she worked in the fields. And he was also a very handsome man. It was a match made in heaven for them to meet.

"When my mother was pregnant with me, she had an easy pregnancy except for one time where she fell ill with pneumonia. She was strong and healthy so recovering was not an issue, but she was ordered to bed-rest for the remainder of her confinement. However, when she did go into labor, it was a laborious one. She endured it and I was born. You must understand Christine… everyone was expecting the baby to be as beautiful and handsome as its parents. I was not.

"Regardless, my parents loved me and kept me despite the advice from their 'friends' that I should be sent away. They did lose some connections among society, and it was a bitter sting, but they bore it well. When Ayesha was born, those friends wanted to patch things up, but my parents would not renew their former friendships. If they could not accept me, then they wanted nothing to do with them. Even though they were caring parents, they could not protect me from the world. And the world was determined to hate me. The only friend I had was my dog Sasha. She loved me and we went on many splendid adventures together, her and I, through Manderley. We spent hours in the Elysium, swimming in the stream, chasing the wildlife, and sitting upon this beach and watching the tides.

"Do not get me wrong. I love my sister and she did partake in some of those adventures. However, she did not understand what it was like for me. So while she made friends easily, I did not. The attention I received was anything but friendly. My parents were concerned and so at six, I was given a mask. It was for when I went out in public, but I chose to wear it around the grounds. The only place I would remove it was in the Elysium. You saw how it was, how it felt. There I was a normal boy and did not have to hide.

"Some years later, Sasha grew old as dogs must do, but her end did not come due to old age. Some of the village boys found us playing in the valley, and… well, I do not have to tell you what happened. My brave girl, my Sasha, fought those boys off until one of them… I do not remember much, but I do remember carrying her back to Manderley and my father sending for a doctor. My injuries were treated easily, but Sasha… it was too late for her.

"I buried her in the Elysium as that was her favorite spot in the world. I was miserable without her so on my tenth birthday, my parents got me a puppy, a Cocker Spaniel like Sasha, which I named her Sasha the Second. Now she lived to a long, ripe old age and natural causes took her away. Then I got the current Sasha.

"I suppose the name is a comfort to me. In many ways, it feels like Sasha never left me. I will always have her by my side. Oh… do not cry please, Christine. What's done was done. It's all in the past."

I sniffled, wiping at my tears from his story. I can't believe that someone would be so cruel as to hurt a poor boy and his beloved animal. As upset as I was, I was also ashamed that my curiosity wanted to know more about Erik's face. What did he look like that would spark such a reaction? And most of all, why was he continuing to hide it from me? He spoke of how in the Elysium he could take off the mask, but he did not when we were there. I knew it had to be because of me, but I wanted him to know he did not need it. I loved him and no matter what he looked like that wasn't going to change.

Was he planning on hiding from me for the rest of our lives?

I hoped not and I wanted to say something right there about it, confront the issue once and for all. I was ready to say something, the words were in my head, but Erik changed the subject and that ended his story about his past.

"Now it is your turn," he said to me as I looked at him with confusion. "Last night you called me the Angel of Music. What is that?"

I did not realize I had said that and I sheepishly looked away. I knew there was no need for me to be embarrassed for I knew in my head that Erik was the Angel of Music that was sent to me by my parents. However, I was suddenly shy about sharing that with him.

"You promise you won't tease me?" I asked, having him make the same promise to me as I did for him. When he consented, I sighed and told him about my parents, Little Lotte, and her Angel of Music. I told him how it had been my wish to meet the Angel of Music and to perform on stage. I told him everything and what it meant to me, except I did not share about the dreams I had about the shadow in the box who would applaud for me and toss me a rose. I kept that to myself.

As I finished my tale, Erik was looking back out to the sea where Sasha was being chased by the waves. He did not say anything for a minute and I could not help but wonder why that was. Did I say too much? Did he think I was a foolish child for believing in such wild notions? Then, Erik took in a ragged breath and what he said next shattered my heart into millions of pieces.

"Do not refer to me as the Angel of Music Christine. I am no Angel."

"But Erik—"

"I said, no!" His harsh command stopped me and I hugged myself as the tears stung my eyes. This was not the reaction I thought would happen. I thought Erik might be… pleased or thrilled or something that I would regard him so highly. Instead, he did not want me to say those words again.

I choked back a sob and it caught his attention. His gaze softened and he came towards me, his arms wrapping around my shivering frame.

"Forgive me," he whispered, pressing a kiss on top of my head. "I am flattered Christine that you think that. I am. But you must understand that I am a man, not some heavenly being sent for you."

"I know," I replied. "But why can't I call you that if that's in my heart?"

"I have my reasons," he responded. "Do not compare me to this Angel of yours that's all I ask. I do not deserve such a title. Not from you."

His cryptic tone sparked only more questions, but I held my tongue. There will be a time later where I can ask what he meant by that. As of now, I vowed I would not call him my Angel of Music on that cove. Of course, I did not say I would stop thinking about it. I may not be allowed to voice it, but I would still refer to him as my Angel of Music in my mind.

Erik took me by the hand and led me down the beach. As we walked along the sands, we took turns playing fetch with Sasha. My tears dried and we were able to laugh and play games. I'm not sure how long we were out there, both of us lost track of time, but the clouds above were becoming dark and gray.

"It's coming," Erik said. "We should head back."

But Sasha was nowhere to be found.

We started yelling her name, the sounds of the ocean drowning out our voices. Up and down we went, but it was no use. Sasha was not in sight and she probably could not hear us calling for her. I heard thunder in the distance and as much as I knew we should return to Manderley for shelter, I could not stand the thought that Sasha was out there.

At my nervous look, Erik assured me it would be all right. "Sasha will find her way back. Don't worry Christine."

Don't worry… how could I not?

I began walking back from where we came and then I heard her. It was a short bark past the rocks to the right of the beach. As I grew closer, the more I could hear Sasha's barking.

I broke out into the run, Erik shouting my name, but I could not stop. I had to get to Sasha. I stopped in front of the rocks and saw I had to climb them in order to get to the other side. Just as I was about to continue, Erik grabbed my hand and violently jerked me away from there.

I winced as his nails pinched my skin, but his eyes… the furious glow in them… I was never terrified of my husband… until now.

"Did you not hear me calling your name?" he yelled.

I gulped. "I-I heard Sasha," I told him. "She's past these rocks. We can get her and go back to Manderley."

"No!" He seized both my arms. "Sasha can take care of herself. She knows how to find her way back."

"But what if she's hurt?" I rejoined. "What if she's too frightened by the storm that's approaching?" I did not understand what had possessed my husband. How could he be so heartless, so cruel to leave poor Sasha behind? I knew he loved her or else why would he tell me the story behind her name? I was too stunned to think that Erik was willingly considering abandoning her when she could very well need us right at this very moment.

My husband mistook my silence as compliance and when he let me go, I took that opportunity and scrambled over the rocks. I heard him yelling for me to stop, but I did not listen to him as I stumbled and slid past the slippery rocks. The winds were getting stronger and the waves splashed against the shore, spraying me with its mist. I knew I was risking my life doing this, but all I could think about was Sasha, and how it would be a sin to leave her thus.

Erik was not behind me that much was certain. His cries for me were too far off. I slipped on the last rock, but thankfully there was a boulder there to catch my fall. I held onto it and inched around it when I discovered another cove, this one being wider and rounder than the one I had left. There was a natural harbor behind it with a buoy but no boat. Next to it was a cottage and a boathouse past it.

A man was on the beach, a fisherman I had to guess, and there was Sasha barking and running circles around him as he tried to avoid stepping on her.

"Sasha!" I shouted and she looked up at me, her tail wagging happily to see me. "Come here girl! Let's go home!"

Sasha did not come. Instead, she was interested in the man that was with her.

I had no choice but to climb down from the rocks to get her. As I approached them, I noticed the man was bending down in the sand, a shovel in his hand. He wore long boots and a very thin coat, and as I drew closer, I saw he was an older man with disarrayed gray hair; wide, childlike eyes, and a thin mouth. He smiled at me and I saw he was missing several of his teeth.

"Hallo," he said.

"Hello," I returned, smiling back at him.

"I'm diggin' for shell," he volunteered. "No shell yet. I kno shell out here."

I nodded in agreement, and tried to get Sasha. She saw this as play and yipped and danced away from me when I attempted to grab her. She wasn't going to make this easy for me and I was anxious to get back to Erik. But I was not going to leave her.

I walked back up to the man who was digging again. "Do you have any string?"

"Eh?" he asked.

"String," I repeated. "I need something to tie the dog."

He gave me a lopsided grin. "Eh?"

I sighed. This was not working either. I took another look at the cottage and figured there had to be string or something close I could use for Sasha. I gazed down at the man who was still watching me with that silly grin of his.

"I know that dog," he said. "She's fro' the house."

"Yes," I said. "Yes she is. I need to get her back to the house."

He nodded. "She's not yers."

"She's Mr. de Winter's dog. I need to bring her home."

"Eh?"

It was a hopeless cause I feared. I left him and headed to the cottage. Somehow, I didn't think he would object if I went inside as I saw he went back to his task of looking for shells. I exhaled and as I came closer I frowned to see that the windows were boarded up.

That's strange, I thought. I walked up to the door and found the latch broken. I looked back at the man and I knew he had no reason to mind. This was not his cottage like I thought. So why was he here?

Lookin' for shell his voice echoed in my head.

I had to be quick. I did not want to stay here longer with him.

I pushed the door opened and poked my head inside. The inside was furnished as it was only one room. There was a desk in the corner, a table and chairs, and a couch with a small bed against the wall. There were bookshelves aligning the opposite wall and the floor was covered in plush rugs. My suspicions were confirmed that he could not be the occupant as there were cobwebs on the ceilings and bookshelves. Dust covered the table and the air was damp and musty from being closed up for so long. The couch was frayed and holes were over the cushions that it must have been a mouse or rats that made them.

The whole place was dark and eerily silent that a sense of discomfort crawled up my spine. Something wasn't right about this place. Something was terribly wrong.

As much as I wanted to flee and leave this place behind, I couldn't forget my mission for coming in the first place. I searched for a piece of string, and to my chagrin, I could not find anything that I could use for Sasha. Then I spotted another door that was hidden behind a dresser. The sinking, ominous feeling returned and I dreaded to look to see what was behind. But I had to find something for Sasha and saw I swallowed my fears and turned the knob.

I found it led into a small, enclosed corridor that had another door at the end. I quickly went to it and it was the boathouse. Supplies, parts, and other things for a boat were scattered all over and I found a knife and a ball of twine on top of a table. Smiling, I knew this would do. I cut a long piece of the twine and hurried back out to the beach. Sasha was standing outside the door, whining.

I got her collar before she could take off and quickly tied the twine around it. Now that Sasha was secured, I could leave and forget I ever saw this cottage and the strange-looking man. As I moved past him, his hand darted out and grabbed my arm.

Startled, I turned around and he stared right at me with those beady eyes of his. "She don't go in there now," he said.

"No," I said.

"I never said nothing, did I?" he asked, his eyes becoming watery. "She's gone in the sea, ain't she? She won't come back no more."

"No… no she won't," I said, carefully extracting my arm from his hand. He nodded to me.

"I don't want to go to the asylum."

He turned around and sat back on the sand. I pulled Sasha and we headed back to where I hoped Erik was still waiting. Sure enough, as we made the final climb over the rocks, there he was pacing around frantically.

I called to him and his head snapped in my direction. Breathlessly, I ran to him. "I'm sorry it took so long, but Sasha wouldn't come and I had to find some string… Erik? Erik!"

He was already moving away from me in a hurry and I had to run, dragging Sasha along the way.

"Erik! Erik!"

He would not slow down and it only made me even more confused. What was wrong? I knew I disobeyed him by going after Sasha, but he didn't bother to check to see if she was all right or to ask me if I was fine. Wasn't he happy to see that Sasha was safe and sound?

"Erik!"

I did catch up and I reached for his sleeve. "Erik!" I exclaimed, panting as I pulled on his arm to slow down. "Erik please! I cannot keep up! Erik!"

He abruptly stopped and I slammed into his back. I had barely a chance to recover when he viciously gripped my shoulders, his nails biting into my flesh. His green eyes flashed in a spark of golden fire and I stood, entranced, mesmerized. A chilly breeze passed through me, and I was once more struck with that same feeling of fear when he held me in the same way not too long. His teeth were clenched, his lips strained, and his pallor was so white that it nearly matched the color of his mask. Like a frightened animal, I was paralyzed.

"You… you… little idiot," Erik panted, his voice unrecognizable in a growl. "What the Hell were you thinking going over those rocks? Did you not think that you could have fallen and hurt yourself? I told you to leave Sasha be. I told you she will find her way… but no! You refused to listen! You disobeyed me!"

I had nothing to say. He was right. I knew I was disobeying him, but he had to know I couldn't leave her alone.

"Christ!" he raged. "You were gone for so long! I didn't know what to do! I didn't know if something befell you or… or…"

His head dipped, hanging past his shoulders, his entire frame wracking with his words. He was… afraid. Afraid of something happening to me. It was a strange sensation to have this powerful man trembling before me and I did the only thing I could think of. His grip loosened and I was able to reach around him and embraced him, laying his head upon my breast.

"I'm here," I cooed, whispering softly as I stroked the ends of his hair. "Nothing happened. I'm here Erik. I'm here."

He choked and lifted his face, his finger running down my jaw. "You fool."

I smiled and nodded. Yes, I was a fool, but I would gladly do it again for him to be in my arms like this. His mouth was moving again and he was asking me a question. I repeated what I said about finding some string. Then I told him about the man on the beach.

"That would be Joseph Buquet," Erik answered. "He's an idiot but a good man. You have nothing to fear from him. He keeps to himself."

I nodded and then going on… "There was a cottage and a boathouse."

At this, Erik stiffened. "You didn't go in, did you?"

"I had to. I thought it was Joseph's, but it was so dark and dusty… I realized no one had lived in there for quite some time."

I don't know what possessed me to mention this, but I carefully studied my husband's expression as he glanced away and continued to walk past the Elysium. He wasn't looking at me and that only created more questions in my head. There was something about that cottage I was sure of it. So I went on.

"Yes, it was untouched and it appeared that rats and other critters got into it as well. There were holes in the furniture! And the books that were left behind… the pages would certainly be damaged if left alone in that dampness any longer. Such a shame. It looked like it was really beautiful once."

Erik made a discernable sound but did not reply. Curiouser and curiouser.

"I was surprise, I will admit," I added. "I thought you would come after us. You said you didn't know what to do, but you could have followed me. The rocks weren't all that bad."

"What are you saying?" Erik said. "Speak up child. Say what you mean."

"Well, it's just… that after everything you told me, I thought Sasha meant something to you. I cannot fathom your willingness to go on. The same with me. You were distraught yet you did not follow."

"And?" He growled, quickening his pace.

"And… I think you don't have a good excuse for not coming that's all."

"What the devil of an excuse are you prattling on about?"

I swallowed hard, not even sure if I knew what I was talking about. Suddenly, I didn't know why I was trying to provoke him. He was a nervous wreck when I returned and I had no right to torment him so with my accusations. He could have been very well startled and panic-stricken that he probably did not think of coming. I should not place blame for rational not coming to him. If I were him, I would have probably done the same. I would have stayed and worried until he returned to me. I was being a brat right now and I wanted it to end.

"Forget it. Let's not talk about this."

"Not talk about this?" Erik echoed, not sure if he heard me right. "You bring it up, accusing me of neglect and more, and now you want to forget it? No! You spoke your mind quite well Madam and you will finish what you intended to say. Out with it!"

"Erik…" I said my voice weary. "I don't want to argue. It was stupid of me. I didn't mean to upset you. I'm sorry."

"No you're not," he told me, stopping me from walking. The clouds opened and it began to rain. A slight trickle coming down at us and I only wanted to be inside the safety of Manderley before it became a downpour. Yet, Erik would not have done of it. He prevented us from going further, holding my hand so I would not leave. "Christine?"

"I…" Where was my courage moments ago? Why could I not say what I thought? Damn me.

"Perhaps I should assist you? Maybe what you meant to say was you believed I did not want to cross over to that other beach. Maybe I didn't want to go near that cottage. And you know what, my dear, you will be correct. I did not want to go to that other beach and I did not want to go anywhere near that cottage. Why? Well, because, I never go to that beach or to that cottage. If you had my memories, then you would not want to go near it, or talk about it, or think about it. There you have it. The good excuse you were looking for. I do hope that it satisfies your infuriating and curious mind."

His voice was full of such venom and the way he spat out the endearment… like it was a mockery for it to be attached to me. And he had that dark look in his eyes and countenance like he did back when I first met him. I didn't like seeing him like this. This was when he would be so distant from me… As if I was not even there…

I reached my hands for him, took his hands, and held him tight. Just that touch… the brush of contact… brought Erik to look into my eyes and there was his beautiful shade of green looking back.

"I'm sorry Erik, truly I am. I promise I won't ever leave again if you ask it of me."

He gazed at our adjoined hands and in a shaky intake of breath, he uttered, "And you wanted to know why I did not want you to call me an Angel. Oh Christine… That is the reason why. My memories… there is nothing angelic about them. I was wrong to come back to Manderley. We never should have left Paris. We should have stayed… Why did we come back?"

There was no answer to his question and we continued our trek back to the manor without speaking any more about the beach, the cottage, or our fight. By the time we came to the drive, the rain was coming down harder and faster. We ran to the door where Anthony was waiting for us with towels.

"I figured you would get caught in the rain," he said, taking our wet mackintoshes and placing the warm, dry towels on our shoulders. "There's a fire prepared in the library and the music room if you wish to warm yourselves."

"Thank you Anthony," Erik said gruffly. "I'll be in the music room. Please make sure I would not be disturbed."

"Very well sir."

I stood there, dumbly, not sure what to do, but Erik made up my mind for me as he stalked to the music room, slamming the door behind him.

The slam made me jump and I looked into the sympathetic pity in Anthony's warm, gray eyes as if he knew what transpired between us.

"I would not fret Mrs. de Winter. Mr. de Winter often experiences these terrible moods. It's nothing for you to worry yourself or blame yourself. Now, let's get you into the library and heat yourself up. I will have Robert bring you some hot tea."

I could not speak as Anthony helped me to the library and into a chair. He picked up the phone and told Robert to come with the tea, and then he came around to sit across from me. It was a surprise since he never done that before and I did not think a butler could do that with his mistress in the same room.

"You're too young to understand Mrs. de Winter, and I do not mean offense, but in time I hope you do come to know why Mr. de Winter is often plagued. Although, I have my reasons to suspect his sister's visit had partial role to his melancholy."

"Melancholy? Oh, Anthony. That is the last I wanted to bring him."

We were silent as strings of music were heard down the hall. I closed my eyes, feeling the anguish and anger of the music. It was so hopeless… so tragic… As if nothing could make it bright again.

Was that how Erik felt about me right now?

"I should go. Robert will be in shortly with your tea. Might I suggest you retire to bed Mrs. de Winter?"

"Oh… yes Anthony. That is a good idea."

I didn't watch him leave, nor did I acknowledge Robert when he entered with the tea. I found I could not bring myself to go over and pour myself a cup. Instead, I got up and pulled the towel around me closer and headed to my room.

I'm not sure how long I was in there, but the sun had set and the storm continued outside the windows. I lay on my side, staring out into the night, and hating myself for the pain that I brought and the wedge that I put between us. This was not how it was suppose to go. We were supposed to be happy, in love, our marriage full of laughter and smiles and singing and music.

And I ruined it.

What have I done?

So lost in my turmoil and heartache, I did not hear the door open or hear Erik stole across the floor until his weight sank into the mattress at the end of my feet. I wiped away the tears and pushed up on my arm so I could sit up and curled my legs. For a couple of minutes, we sat in silence and then Erik said:

"You weren't there for dinner."

"I wasn't hungry," I replied, casting down at my feet.

"No… you weren't."

Pause.

"I told you I didn't like it when you didn't eat."

"I know," I whispered.

He sighed. "Christine…"

"Erik? Can we forgive each other? I know I did not make the wisest of decisions and I feel awful. I never intended to hurt you and I hate seeing you like this. And your music… how it ripped into my soul to hear that come from you. To know I was the reason for it… It drives me mad! I could not bear to have your resentment, let alone your anger. I was wrong. Terribly wrong and I wish we never went to that beach!"

I could not see his face; the mask was the only profile I could see. How I wished he would take it off so I can see his expression! Then I would know what he was thinking at this very second.

"What's done is done," he spoke very quietly, so quiet that I almost missed it. "We cannot turn back time. Believe me, I wish we could."

"Erik, you must know, I did not mean any of it. I was upset, yes, but that's no excuse. You were worried and you had every reason to do so. I do not know the land as well as you do and I should have heeded your warnings. Sasha would have found her way back. I know she would have. I was wrong. Please say you forgive me! I love you!"

"Do you?" And he raised his face so I could at last see his eyes. "Do you love me?"

I nodded fervently. "Yes I do. I love you so very much Erik. I would die if you turn me away."

He twisted his body so he could cup my face in his palms, his eyes scanning my frantic features.

We made love that night, a mass of frenzy kisses and touches. He held on to me with such dear life as if he was afraid I would slip away from his embrace. I thought that meant he forgave me for what I did and said. That we could put it behind us…

Yet, when we lay together, our bodies intertwined, Erik disentangled himself from me and muttered he had some work to do. I watched his retreating form disappear into the darkness, and I pulled the cover to my chin, my tears spilling out as I mourned the loss of my husband.

If I hadn't lost him already, then I was on the way of losing him for good.

TBC…