An Ashley Greenwood Original Herbert The Hobbit!

*Disclaimer! I don't own any of these characters, locations, or products except for my precious Herbert!*

" As the amulet fell,

My dad's voice as clear as a bell,

Courage he yelled,

Then the Orctress felled."

Chapter 13: Sam's Sad Story

"Fainted," I sighed to myself as I was unconscious. Frodo and Gandalf were so scared, because they thought I was dead.

" I can't live without Herbeet, we've spent our entire life together," Frodo sobbed as he stared at me, as my hair blew in the wind.

Gandalf then shook his head, " I know what you mean, I was in love with him too, as a grandpa and an lover." Frodo then gasped he didn't know about this.

Frodo gasped, " You and Herbert were Sex Lovers?" Gandalf just responded with a wink, the kind that suggests sexual activity, So I was angry, because I've never had sex with my grandpa! Frodo then looked into my chestnuts and then the necklace Frodo gave me started to glow with the power of Frodo's love! My powers were becoming stronger then the necklace's glow covered me!

My clothes then fell off, and I got a magical chosen one outfit, I was wearing a mint blue see through top (it showed off my pecs) with a big silver bow on it, pink puffy short shorts, baby blue satin high heels, and a pink and silver ruffled cape.

" OMG Herbert you're alive and smoking hot," Gandalf yelled as he gave me a huge hug.

"Wow, Herbert you look like the chosen one now," Frodod exclaimed all excited.

" Oh we need to go find Sam," I yelled.

"Don't worry hop on my back, I can fly us to Sam," Gandalf said in his mythical voice. We all hopped on Gandalf's back as he grew baby silver wings, we went back with all our other friends. We all said hi to each other, and everyone complimented on how hot I looked on my outfit.

Then all of a sudden I heard crying in the distance, it was Sam! I ran over to a dark cave to see Sam cuddled up like a little crying kitten.

"Sam," I yelled as I stopped dramatically in front of him as I twirled my cape sexily.

Sam looked up all dramatically like they do in soap operas, " go away Herbert you've wrecked my entire life!" I walked up to him until I was only 2 cm. away from him.

Sam growled, " I hate you with a passion Herbert so much that I," Sam then tried to kiss me on the mouth! I pushed him away though, " ew no Sam I'm loyal to Frodo, and I'm not a chubby chasing weirdo!" Sam glared at me, " Herbert I'm deeply in love with you, I want to marry you." I gasped too many boys are in love with me, how does this happen, all the boys are trying to steal me away from Frodo! Then Sam's eyes were showing weakness and sadness.

Sam then started to explain, " You see I got so mad when you were talking about Northern Earth because," But then we were in the past when Sam was only 9 years old in Northern Earth!

Sam was at school wearing a silver suit while all the other kids were wearing school uniforms, but you see Sam's rich family paid the school off to have Sam wear whatever he wanted so he could be the hottest! As he walked through the halls Sam was pointing and winking at everyone, all the girls fainted, you see Sam wasn't obese back then, in fact he had a six pack! He got all A's in school, and was a star football player, everyone was in love with him even the teachers!

" Oh my god Sam how did you get so gorgeous," a pretty boy asked him.

" It's all in the hairspray," Sam winked as he played with his fabulous hair.

The teacher then yelled, " It's so hard to teach with someone as hot as Sam in the classroom," the teacher said (the teacher was a gay man).

Wow I thought to myself Sam used to be just like me I thought to myself I started to blush, because Sam actually looked sexy! Then I stopped myself, because I want to stay loyal to Frodo, no matter how hot Sam looked at the age of 9! Then Sam got picked up by his parents in a 500,000 dollar car!

Sam's mom then looked him in the eyes, "Sam are house has gone bankrupt, and we won't be rich anymore." Sam gasped, " what I can't be poor, I never want to move to Middle Earth with all those stupid middle class people!"

Sam's dad replied, " We knew it so we got you a job as a butt boy." I gasped Sam used to be a gay prostitute! So that night Sam was bending over and working the streets of Northern Earth, He was bending down and men were smacking his booty! Then after that night Sam became a gay men who loved other men.

After that we were transported back to the present.

I yelled/ asked, "Sam you were a hooker?"

Sam paused, "Yes for about a year it got better though because after the first day I became gay." I looked at Sam and the wind blew through our hair.

"Sam," I started to ask him something in a talk show host sort of way.

"Let me guess are you wanting to have sex with me now," Sam asked.

I then continue my question, " Sam… do you have an STD?"

Stay Tuned For Chapter 14 of Herbert The Hobbit!