Baby baby baby
From the day I saw you
Really really want to catch your eye
Somethin' special 'bout you
I must really like you
Not a lot of guys are worth my time
Ooh baby baby baby
It's getting' kind crazy
'cause you have taken over my mind
And it feels like oooooh
Alicia Keyes "You don't know my name"
"You owe me five energon cubes."
Skywarp stood in the entryway of Starscream's laboratory, optics glowing in the triumphant vermillion hue reserved for stoplights frustrating rush-hour travelers. He uncrossed his arms and swaggered over to the table as his Air Commander refastened the left gun to his arm.
"You asked him." Starscream's trinemates had been flirting for what seemed like an eternity, prompting the other Seekers to determine that Skywarp and Thundercracker had better start something or they'd all kill the two mid-battle. They were disgusting. Inside jokes, constant whispering, acting like twins instead of two separate beings-it had to end! There was hope that a catalyst would either force them begin a relationship (that would go under the radar immediately to hide from Megatron) or realize they wanted to be friends and stop dropping the innuendoes. Either way, their fellow Decepticons would win. The Coneheads elected Starscream as master manipulator. The Air Commander knew that the black Seeker could not resist any type of wager concerning his bravery, so last week they had been doing their usual game of Top That and Starscream bet Skywarp he couldn't ask his wingmate out. "What activity have you planned?"
The grin wavered, returned, faltered, and disappeared into a fog of confusion, to be abruptly replaced with confidence. (Never show a moment of uncertainty, Decepticon rule #3.) "I'll worry about that later." Starscream snorted, never looking up from the minutiae of his null ray while Skywarp continued to verbally stumble. "I did the hard part! The rest should be easy!"
"That's what you think," the scientist replied.
They were Yin and Yang. Penn and Teller. Jay and Silent Bob. Rosencratz and Gildenstern. Samneric. Casper and Pollax. Hall and Oates. Let them catch you lumping them together in any form or stereotype and they would beat you to a heap of scrap. Sunstreaker took Bluestreak's left, Sideswipe sat in front of him, blocking the splendid view of someone the wistful gray mech had been observing with an admiring optic for a good twenty minutes.
"Not again," the yellow one sighed, snatching the datapad out of the Datsun's hands. "What kind of assignment did Prowl give you this time?"
Sideswipe said nothing, scowling slightly. Occasionally, without realizing it, one of them tired of the role he occupied and assumed his brother's, leaving a void the other one promptly filled.
"This one's from Jazz. He told me he'd give me a three day pass if I did inventory for him just this once."
"He said that last time," Sideswipe grunted, leaning back in his chair and letting his head drop down from the chair's back until it was hanging upside down. "He just wants to hide in his room and dink around with that Playstation." Siders was wrong. Jazz sat two tables over, engaged in animated discourse with someone special (to Bluestreak).
"He almost beat Ironhide at Mortal Kombat last time," the gray mech protested quickly. "He wants more practice." He grabbed the datapad back. The chore was complete, but Blue wanted to make sure he hadn't missed anything. The commissary was the perfect place to do this, especially when a mech could time his arrival with a particular higher-up's break period. "Though beating Ironhide would be tough, since he's really good at that hand-optic coordination stuff, and Jazz thinks that if he practices enough he'll beat 'em, but 'Hide's pretty talented, and besides, nobody's beaten you guys yet, but Ironhide's close-"
"Ironhide Ironhide Ironhide! Why are you still crushing on him?" Sunstreaker demanded. "C'mon, Blue, this is getting boring. Ask him out already!"
"What! No!" Bluestreak shook his head, fervently. "NO! He's my commanding officer! I can't do that! He's got a girlfriend! He's…he's way out my league." If he concentrated on the inventory list maybe they'd let it go.
"He isn't when we fight." Sunny let his gaze wander to where Sideswipe's had rested long ago. "You're always bailing him out or making sure he's not running off to face the 'Cons alone. I'd say you've helped him out enough he wouldn't say 'no' to a little game of Windshield Bump."
"Shh!" Blue called, ducking behind the datapad like a shield. Sunstreaker had a loud voice and a filthy mouth. What if they heard? They were two tables away. A velvet purr, an intelligent tenor, and a sweet southern drawl floated past the datapad Bluestreak hid with, indicating nothing was afoul. "I'll ask him when I turn in my inventory list."
His attention to this mech had been fairly recent, but intense enough that the twins-who got whoever they wanted without much effort-assumed that Blue wanted to develop the feeling into something significant. But this was complicated. It would involve TALKING to him on a regular level, something that Bluestreak couldn't do when his vocalizer said the wrong things the moment Prime's assistant entered his field of vision (or his thoughts). Sometimes Autobots were put up on a pedestal to be admired from a safe distance, not to be dragged down into the mud. (To paraphrase Flaubert.)
Sideswipe lifted his head and sat up. "HEY! IRONHIDE! C'MERE!"
"Oh Primus." Someone had their yellow hand on his shoulder, pushing him down to keep him from fleeing the scene as a suspicious red mech cautiously approached the table. He had always treated the twins with caution after the Spaghetti Incident.
"Yeah?" He had a musical voice. Bluestreak loved hearing him talk, picturing the soft light of the stars over his home on Cybertron the nights he sat outside, talking to his creator about nothing in particular. Sunny was right. This was ridiculous.
Sideswipe plucked the datapad out of Bluestreak's hands and offered it to Ironhide, denying Bluestreak the excuse to personally present it later. "Blue has a question for you."
All three involuntarily turned to the sniper and smiled three different ways. Bluestreak wanted to run. Of all of the expressions (pleased smirk, encouraging beam, and polite reflex), one could not be countenanced. A prayer for a Decepticon attack went unanswered, as did the internal petition for lightning to strike the twins.
"You know how every week we inventory everything in the Ark? I think we don't need to do that if some things are never going to be used. Heh." All he got were blank stares. Sunstreaker scowled in frustration, making the Datsun squirm. Bluestreak was dying here. "Maybe we should have a sign-out sheet or something for some of the stuff, or just put it one big room like a library-"
Sideswipe huffed air out of his intake impatiently. "That's stupid! Just ask him!"
He was going to keel over, he was sure of it. His internal mechanisms were racing and his energon pump squealed as though he'd been racing forever.
Ironhide had been nice to think about. It crowded other images out of his mind a little better to dwell on the energetic mech who loved to shoot and fight and laughed gently at Blue's jokes. So what if he was three times Bluestreak's age? He was great. Blue wanted to sit on a cliff and watch the sunrise with him, not-as Sunny put it-bump windshields. This kind of dreamy distance made the fully-functioning reality before him wrench his solenoids into a panicked state. All the Datsun could do was stare at the table and tremble.
Sunstreaker must have a trace of a spark inside of him somewhere, but it didn't come out today. The twins switched roles again. "He thinks you've got a tight skidplate for a mech your age and wants to know how he can get his hands on something like it."
Sideswipe spurted the energon he had begun to drink all over the table with his guffaw. Bluestreak felt the slight burn tingle his helmet as he winced, still not looking up. The Lamborghini shook, coughing as hard as he was laughing.
Ironhide's perspective was not as amused. "You two are not worth mah time. Bluestreak, Ah thought you knew better." He was leaving; Bluestreak could feel the bright aura departing, and he realized he had to do something or he would never be able to talk to him again without this incident coming into their processors.
"Wait!" he called, hand outstretched. Ironhide turned back. Primus, he was amazing. His optics were cashmere blue, the light from them blurring delicately across his pewter face. Bluestreak had no idea what else to say.
Sideswipe was as sparkless as his twin. "You got plastic manifolds, buddy," he snorted derisively, shaking his head in annoyance. "What Blue here wants to do is ask you out on a date. Tonight. Meet for a drink, go shooting, maybe go for a drive." Sunny didn't have time to insert his own nasty mal mot. "Park on Glomp Hill and see how flexible a geezer like you really is."
It stretched out for an eternity, Ironhide's thoughtful pause. Bluestreak's forehead rested on the table as he asked his processor why one of the few times in his life that he didn't feel numb had to be NOW. How long they stayed in their strange tableau was unknown, but the young mech imagined it from a third person viewpoint: Blue with his head on the table, Sunny and Sideswipe either smirking or glowering, and Ironhide's own incredulously disgusted stare as he rubbed his helmet and figured out the nicest way to refuse. The seconds ticked on.
"How could Ah say no to that?" he finally chuckled, shaking his head. "Sure. Mah shift's over at nahne." He walked over to the slouching pile of incredulous shock. "Just don't bring the twins," he suggested, patting his shoulder fraternally before leaving.
Jazz had been playing with Prowl's inner knee while they awaited Ironhide's return. Prowl could keep his facial features immobile, even as small blue wisps of excited energy escaped from his body. Jazz grinned, triumphant. He abandoned his entertainment when the still-chuckling third reinstated himself into their conversation.
"What was that about?" he asked. Bluestreak was being high-fived and shoulder slapped by the Lamborghini brothers as the young mech continued to look as though someone had told him he won the lottery.
"You just lost yer inventory volunteer," the older red mech replied, amused.
Skywarp hated surveillance duty. It was boring, tedious, insipid, and no Autobot functioning properly would storm their fortress, but after the day that stupid human girl attacked them Soundwave assigned guard duty to one of them while everybody else raided the planet for supplies.
Thundercracker came back with enough energon for two. They leaned against the wall in the Main Room and sipped it while performing their usual game of making rude comments about their fellow combatants.
"Motormaster sucks tailpipe," Skywarp sneered, loud enough for the Stunticon to hear him.
"Skywarp sniffs vapors," he snarled back, giving an indefinable gesture.
"Nah, he's right, you do suck tailpipe," interjected Wildrider, tossing an empty cube at his gestaltmate.
"Shove it, ground-pounder," Thundercracker retaliated. "We don't need your help."
At this point in time the small groups they tended to drift into shifted and clustered together to witness the face-off. Motormaster called for a truce with Wildrider long enough to scrap the irritating Seekers. Thundercracker prepared to step into the faceoff when Soundwave entered the room to herald Megatron's arrival. They madly scrambled to fall in line before caught fighting again. Megatron did not waver his stride.
"My fellow Decepticons," their leader began in a grandiose voice. "The day off I promised the select few of you is in effect starting now!"
Stunticons, Constructicons, and Combaticons scowled as the Seekers, Soundwave, and his tapes bolted for the door en masse.
"Should any of you return belated you will suffer!" Megatron called. They ignored him.
Skywarp and Thundercracker had no idea what to do for these few hours, but it didn't matter. Starscream disappeared with the triple-changers. The Coneheads headed for the shore. Soundwave and company flew for the Moon. As for the other two Seekers…they had a hundred things to do for fun, starting with a long-deserved aimless flight around the far-too-flat planet.
It was surreal. Blue stood still with his arms aloft in the middle of the twin's room. Sideswipe carefully applied polish. Sunstreaker sat on his plate and read date etiquette from some girl's magazine Carly had lent them in a squeaky voice that would have irritated Huffer.
"Item #2: Don't wear anything too revealing. Your clothes should reflect your awesome personality, not your awesome goodies. Leave something for the next date. 'It's nice to have a girl wearing something that looks nice but doesn't make me think she's charging by the hour.' Reese, 16. Item #3: Don't order anything that might show up in your teeth or ruin your breath. Avoid poppy seeds, spinach, most Italian dishes, and tacos. 'My first date with a guy, he had garlic in his pasta and I couldn't kiss him good-night without gagging. Ew!' Riley, 13. If you don't have any breath mints and no time to go to the rest room, pretend to re-apply your lip gloss in the car and check for any food there." He put the datapad down and cracked up.
"Are you going to help me or piss me off?" Sideswipe scowled at a miniscule paint scrape on Bluestreak's hood.
"Hey, it wasn't my idea to ask 'em for Blue. You should've stayed out of it."
Bluestreak could feel impotent anxiety overtake him. What if something went wrong? What if he messed up and said something stupid? What if he fell on his face? What if the twins crashed and made more disgusting comments? What if Sideswipe's attentions weren't enough? "Sunny, I'm sorry I said I would kill you in your sleep," Blue wheedled, trying to get the red mech away from the all-consuming paint scrape. "Can you help? Please?"
"Okay, here's some good advice: Made sure you have a travel-sized deodorant stick in your purse in case you sweat too much."
The Datsun sighed. "I take back my take-back." He gained some distance from Sideswipe, worry and fear coursing alongside the energon in his fuel lines. "No offense guys, but I think you've done enough harm." He was going to be with Ironhide for an undisclosed amount of time. Alone. With IRONHIDE. With IRONHIDE.
"What attracted you to him in the first place?" Sunny asked, optics glued to page 13: Katie Holmes Makeup Secrets.
Bluestreak sighed. "Every time we were fighting 'Cons, I was with him or chasing them with him or just next to him, shooting. He thought I was funny. He's got a nice smile. I mean, it's got the corners turned up at just the right angle. Perceptor's smile's okay, and Prowl looks good in a good light and you guys are pretty hot and Tracks gets whistled at by humans but Ironhide is just…" the flattering engine sputtered and died. "…nice."
Sunny flipped another page. "You know, this stupid thing has one good piece of advice. DON'T TELL HIM THAT SLAG OR HE'LL LAUGH HIS HELMET OFF." He shook with his own amused contempt.
Sideswipe whapped his brother so hard his head bounced off the wall. "Will you HELP!"
Sunstreaker punched his brother back with force enough to bounce off of the other wall before rising majestically and carefully inspecting the red mech's polish job. "The grillwork sucks."
"Bite me. You should've helped. Too late now, it's a quarter to. Let's go." They flanked him like bodyguards, saying nothing as they marched (in what seemed like slow motion) down the hall.
Sunstreaker took this as an opportunity to warn the Datsun what he should and should not say and do. Don't talk too much. Smile. Ask him questions. Walk him to his door at the end of the evening. Don't expect a kiss. Smile. Hold the door open for him. Compliment his shooting style. Keep a decent distance from his body but make sure that your body language remains inviting. Smile. ("You said that." "He looks like he's going to Prowl's office for a beating! I want him to REMEMBER it!")
Bluestreak felt his solenoids rattle with every step. He'd never been out on ANY type of date, let alone with somebody so important to him. He would freeze up, he was sure of it. They paused at the commissary door.
"This is as far as we can take you. Checklist: Extra ammo for your blaster?"
"Check." They demanded he present proof and he did.
"Keycard to get into our room when the date is over to tell us what happened?"
He held it up. His hands were shaking. "Check."
"Database erased of the stupid advice Sunny gave you?"
"Slag you!" Sunstreaker snarled, pushing his brother out of their pupil's way.
"Check," Bluestreak replied shakily. He could see the bright lights of the next room and could not stop thinking about how his legs weren't working. The twins exchanged glances.
"Wait a minute! Why did Sunstreaker give me personality advice and Sideswipe work on my appearance? Shouldn't that be the other way around?" He was hysterical and getting worse by the second.
"I hadn't thought of that." Sunny commented, scratching his head. "I guess we're projecting our own date anxieties on you or something."
"Oh Primus." He turned around to leave, only to be herded back to his original spot and patted on the wings by both.
"I forgot some things." Sunstreaker placed his hands on the Datsun's shoulders and looked into his optics. "You are the most interesting mech in the universe. You look good. You're funny. You're likeable. And the hard part is over. We've already said the embarrassing stuff to him, so whatever you say tonight won't embarrass you. It can't. We beat you to it. So NOW…put one foot in front of the other, watch everybody around you, don't drink too much, and for PRIMUS sake, SHUT UP and SMILE!"
"Get away from him!" Sideswipe smacked his brother as hard as he could and guided the trembling mech into the room. "Just be yourself!" he called.
"Great." Bluestreak took one step. Then another. The bar area of the commissary was getting closer.
"He'll do fine," Sunny proclaimed, heading for the Main Control Room to spy on them with Jazz.
Mach 3 and accelerating! Thundercracker was gaining on him, which was not good. Skywarp decided to let him win to gain some points of favor. The blue Seeker pulled ahead and shrieked with delight.
"You're losing!" he called triumphantly. "Suck vapor, loser!"
Skywarp took it as a challenge and jumped ahead (with a little help from his warping power).
"I win!" he cried, transforming as they touched down in front of the power station. "What's my prize?"
"Electricity," Thundercracker replied, storming through the wall to make his own entrance. "Outta my way, humans!"
People reacted by scattering in confusion and fear, screaming and yelling. Thundercracker ignored them. He pulled on the wires of the generators and drank the raw juice from the dam. Not bad; processed energon cubes were preferable, easier on the system, too. He glanced over to see Skywarp in his favorite element: kicking a human like a hacky sack as he counted the bones he was breaking.
"There goes a rib!" he bayed joyfully. "Hey, T, watch this!" He maneuvered his jouncing captive into a small set-up that led into a kick where one foot replaced the other once, twice, thrice-
"WHAM-O!" he made a huge motion with his leg and sent the human sailing into the wall. Splat. "You try it!"
If there was one thing Thundercracker did not like to do, it was waste time. "Get what you came for! The Autobots will be here at any minute!"
"Ya got that right!" hollered Cliffjumper as he leapt out of Skyfire with Brawn. "Let's see how well ya do kicking somebody who kicks BACK!"
"Why do I have to work with Scrappy-Doo?" Brawn muttered under his vocalizer.
Thundercracker let out a sonic boom that shook the ceiling and brought it crashing down on the mini-bots' heads, knocking off Skyfire's equilibrium enough to force him to run into a wire tower. "Later, ya cheap toys!" the Decepticon jeered, transforming to catch up with his black and purple compatriot. They flew away at a comfortable pace with Skyfire trailing.
"Next stop, Starscream!" Skywarp announced. "Should I radio him and tell him we're bringing a present?"
"Why spoil the surprise?" Thundercracker had a good idea where their Air Commander was hiding. The triple-changers liked to drag him into the Gobi desert and feed him tidbits of their next takeover plan. They were never factual or accurate, but Starscream didn't care. He did it for the companionship-or so the Seekers speculated.
"When was the last time Screamer got any?" Skywarp supposed. "Or ever?"
"I'd go with never. He's got the appeal of a Guinea Pigatron."
"He sounds like one." They had a good laugh over that. "If I had to go with a good voice I'd take yours any day."
"Heh." That was as close as Thundercracker got to saying 'thank you.'
Skyfire sent a warning shot across their noses.
"He's not giving us a break!" Skywarp was annoyed. How would he get to flirt with T if they were dog-fighting the whole time? "Go on ahead," he commanded, warping to the spot over Skyfire's cockpit and transforming.
"Three's a crowd, geek!" he cried, opening fire.
All three sat around a large dune guzzling energon as Astrotrain talked. His hypothesis was intricate and dangerous, one that had yet to be proven into theory but a startling thought nonetheless. Starscream had opened his mouth to voice his objections when a screeching noise superseded him.
"What are they doing here?" Blitzwing demanded, head peeking up from the cover they took behind another dune. Starscream ducked down, clenching his jaw. He'd seen another plane with them; a large white one with red trim.
"Hey Starscream! Happy Birthday!" CRASH!
Astrotrain was up and inspecting the damaged goods first. Thundercracker and Skywarp transformed and landed on their feet with triumphant grins. They slapped a high five to each other before turning to face their Air Commander.
Starscream desperately hid his pained expression as he looked at the quivering white hulk as it desperately attempted to transform. He wondered if it mattered that there were other Decepticons watching him, or had his disdainful face become such a standard appearance no one bothered to look when emotion threatened to overtake him? Astrotrain broke the silence by asking how Skywarp had located them.
"You guys are always here. Megatron has Buzzsaw watch you. So what's the plan this time?"
Blitzwing kicked one of Skyfire's turbo boosters, turned back and crossed his arms defiantly. "What plan?"
"C'mon! You always have a plan!" Skywarp insisted. They were drifting together into a clump, like mercury. No one really felt like socializing, but the immediate flying group tactics that had been drilled into their processors were automatic. All three continued to deny any plans. Thundercracker glanced around for spies and saw no one. Soundwave's tapes may be on vacation but that didn't mean they weren't in the mood for a little blackmail material. "Besides, I came for my five energon cubes."
Starscream tore his optics away from the mech who had given up leaving his alternate mode and now lay quietly offline. "How is the date going?"
"Lessee…we did mischief and mayhem. Now it's time for trouble and terror!" He laughed at his joke, which was good because nobody else did.
The sneer came out too soon. No one noticed. "What about death and debauchery?"
"Did it. Now where are my cubes?"
Starscream surrendered half of his plunder and dispensed the remaining supply to the triple-changers. "Tell him your idea, Astrotrain."
"Like they'd get it." He'd rather stuff his tanks than entertain his cohorts, the lazy mech. This was why no one ever succeeded in ousting their mutual enemy. One was too lazy, one was too stupid, one was too unlucky.
"We need simpler minds than ours to test it." Everything Starscream said was supercilious, no matter whether the innocence was intended or not. Both jets were relatively offended.
"Go jump a Lambo. We got better things to do. C'mon, 'Warp."
"Aw, come back! Starscream's a moron." They ignored him. "Seriously, we need to fly this by you." Blitzwing hated being around both Megatron's pet and his second in command, especially when Astrotrain went on one of his tangents. New mechs might make it more of a party and less like three losers with nothing better to do with their time off.
They landed for a second time, scattering sand and sparse grasses about their feet. "Go ahead."
He waited with a tightening feeling in his circuits, internally giving instructions to keep himself calm. 'Take a sip. Think about Jazz's stupid joke. "What's black and white and red all over? A zebra in strawberry jello!" Try not to worry that five minutes had passed and nobody came through that door. Jump three feet when someone touches you on the shoulder and spill your drink.'
"Hey," Ironhide greeted easily. Bluestreak smiled and realized the mess he'd made.
"Oh, blast!" he cried as his fingers rippled to make the puddle even more widespread. Ironhide cooled it off with his arm attachment and got something from the temporary bartender (a grumbling Gears) to wipe it up.
"Happened to me last week," the red mech soothed as Gears plunked two beverages in front of them.
Bluestreak tried to smile and had no idea if his mouth worked. Shut up, smile. That's all he had to do.
Except…
The frozen stare continued as Ironhide tested his drink, sat down next to the Autobot, and sighed contentedly, commenting on how good it felt to take a load off. Bluestreak said nothing.
"Are you all right?" Ironhide had expected a talkative date, not this immobilized statue. Maybe he should have taken Prowl's offer and brought him and Jazz along. He had turned them down, stating he didn't want to make the poor kid nervous. He'd been wrong.
The silent gawking continued. Bluestreak hadn't moved an iota since that thin, weak smile had slipped onto his face.
"Blue?"
Nothing.
This would be a long night.
"Truck exhaust!" stated Skywarp indignantly.
"It's the truth!" Astrotrain protested. "Why else would Megatron keep JUST the gestalts behind unless he needed them to help him make another team?"
"Because he let us help him make Menasor, that's why!" Astrotrain was smoking Autobot tailpipe! Since when did Megatron secretly make Decepticons out of the junk lying around the underwater base? NEVER! Starscream shrugged at this, declaring that this was what he'd said, but the gray triple-changer was adamant. Megatron wanted the other giant teams to build him another gestalt. All they had to do was find out where and when and use this discovery to their advantage.
Thundercracker had remained silent throughout Astrotrain's character assassination. His arms were crossed, his face brooding. He did not yell; instead he recalled how Soundwave had been NOT granted time off alongside his tapes until after a long conference with Megatron, following a quick escape to the Moon. How much did the Seekers want to bet that their mutual enemy had never made the trip and was currently supervising any work that might be done underwater?
"He's right!" Blitzwing cried. "The tapes haven't been around us at all lately, and they spy on us for fun!" It made perfect sense. Spurious hypotheses aside, when someone pointed out a behavior inconsistency, it was worthy of consideration.
"So why don't we go find them?" Starscream demanded sarcastically. "I'm sure they've left a traceable location."
"You go ahead," Skywarp replied, pocketing his remaining energon cubes. "We got stuff to do."
"Come back here!" Starscream yelled. He couldn't play with his new toy and monitor the triple-changers at the same time; he needed their help. Thundercracker dismissed him with a gesture anyone who'd gone to the Cybertron Academy would recognize and took off to continue his date.
"So what are we gonna do next?" Thundercracker asked, once they'd put a few countries behind them.
"You know that prince in the desert the Aerialbots are buddies with? I think he needs to see what a real jet can do!"
"I like your idea." Another thought interrupted the pleasant image of a thirteen-year-old kid trying to save his sovereignty from destruction. "Do ya think Astrotrain's right about Megatron?"
Skywarp piffled the idea. "Whatever Megatron does in his spare time ain't my problem. Except on the second Thursday of the month." Their leader was a jealous mech and liked his servants to participate in some extra-curricular activities every now and then. Thudercracker admitted his day was the first of the month.
"So when's Screamer's day?"
"He doesn't have one! Starscream would shoot him in the back halfway through it!"
Skywarp burst out laughing. "Can you imagine the kinds of noises he'd make?"
"UGH!" Thundercracker was glad to change the subject to something more engaging. "There's the runt's palace now. We got company!"
Bluestreak never got tired of looking at him. He had a nice square glass panel up front to reflect the light at a cheerful angle. His red was more of a flame red than Sideswipe's cherry red, giving him a warmer tone. Those lines…
"BLUESTREAK! Are you all right?"
He had no idea he was staring. Blast! "Oh, sorry, sorry!" He turned back to the bar and almost spilled his drink again. "I'm sorry." Make a good excuse. "I'm kind of nervous. I've never been on a date before."
The red soldier patted his hand on Blue's back. "Really? Well, then, Ah'm honored!"
Bluestreak struggled to keep a smile on his face and start a different subject other than his gross incompetence. "You know, I really like your accent."
Ironhide smiled back, settling on his hand as the elbow joint rested on the bar itself. "Ah like yers, too."
It was out before the Datsun realized it. "But I talk normal! I mean, uh, I talk like someone who thinks he's normal, but aren't we all a little nuts and bolts? I mean, uh, oh, I guess-we all have accents, but I always thought mine sounded kind of dull, but yours is decent." No, that didn't sound right either. "Your accent makes you sound not as stuffy-I mean-less like a know-it-all. No, um-"
"Do ya wanna get out of here?" Ironhide interrupted. Blue was about ten astro-seconds away from pounding his head on the bar in frustration.
He didn't trust himself to speak. He nodded.
Walking presented a new problem. He wanted to give open body language, like Sunstreaker said, but was not sure how far away to keep his distance while being close enough to be perceived as friendly, so his doors kept hitting Ironhide. Bluestreak didn't know whether or not to apologize for it or pretend it had never happened. As he struggled with the distance issue he ran into a wall and Grimlock, in that order. Grimlock told him to watch where he was going when he was drunk. Ironhide pretended the scratch on his arm was fascinating during this exchange.
At long last, the shooting range beckoned. Too bad Bluestreak chose that moment to trip on his own feet.
That goofy kid's jets were a joke. Thundercracker could've defeated them blinded, shot, low on energon, and offline. They had no fighting skills at all and their nuclear weapons couldn't do much after TC's sonic boom disintegrated them before they could be launched. Once the Seekers tore up the royal compound and made it a giant conflagration, there wasn't much left to do.
"How'd ya like that?" Skywarp asked, basking in the glow as the sun began to set behind them.
Thundercracker kicked a scorched tank over. A few humans scurried out. "It was kind of a letdown after the power plant."
"Oh." Skywarp had agonized over what to do with their spare time, and his best ideas were getting a lukewarm to tepid reaction, so now what? "Was there somethin' you wanted to do?"
"I don't know." They stared at each other expectantly. "Ya wanna go find some Autobots to blow up?"
"Sure." They took to the air again without much to say. Skywarp racked his processor for something to say but only came up with a stupid joke. "Hey, what's black and white and red all over?"
Thundercracker didn't care, and said nothing supportive.
"A penguin on Mars."
"Your diodes are scrambled, 'Warp. How would an Antarctic bird get on another planet? Wait, how would he be red all over? Wouldn't just his white parts be pink?"
"There's no such thing as a pink penguin." Granted, there was a pink panther on television occasionally…they'd seen an episode a long time ago when bored…but most penguins were not very colorful.
"How about a smashed ground-pounder?" Thundercracker cackled, barreling down to attack a Jeep crashing its way through the dunes.
He hadn't fallen when he tripped; merely stumbling enough to make a lot of noise. An interesting amalgam of red, blue, teal, white, black, silver, and the smallest glint of yellow stopped what they were doing in the shooting gallery and began to pull apart, sparks of blue energy zapping around them and slowly dying. Prime broke away faster, stammered something about finding that dust in Perceptor's optic, and how it should be flushed out, and why didn't he take him to Ratchet right now?
"Thank you, Prime," the scientist replied smoothly. "I believe that henceforth I shall be able to see the target with a clearer perspective." He walked away with Optimus in his wake. Prime paused to give Ironhide an unreadable look.
Bluestreak picked himself up from the bent-over position he'd frozen into and watched them leave. "What was THAT?"
"Nothin'." Ironhide pulled his blaster from subspace and assessed its charge. "This thing's only half full! Ah shoulda recharged it this mornin'!"
The silver mech was not about to let something as shocking as what he'd just seen slip into obscurity. "But they were…how does Prime do that? Wow. I didn't know he had it in him. And PERCEPTOR? Sunstreaker says he's a geek! Wait'll I tell them-"
The light blue optics, so gentle before, blazed as they stood in front of their date's confused azure glass and glowered. "This is an order from yer commandin' officer, Bluestreak. Ya saw nothin!" He clenched his fist.
"Oh," Blue replied, thoroughly crestfallen. "Right. Sorry."
Ironhide turned away and found a slot to start practicing. "Teletraan, ole' buddy: gimme Level Four!"
Bluestreak stood there for a moment longer, feeling the nervousness drain out of him and the affection he'd had for this red vanette bruise up like a tightly clenched apple. So even in a casual setting he was nothing better than an underling to Ironhide. He didn't have to snarl at him, for Primus's sake! To be honest, he kind of hurt Bluestreak's feelings. What was he doing here if Ironhide didn't see him as an equal, a friend, a potential…more-than-friend? Bluestreak's solenoids were already twisting in agony over his previous mistakes, errors, and assumptions; and now he just got yelled at. Thanks a lot, Ironhide!
The mech in question stopped the meticulous exercise to notice that Bluestreak was staring again. This was going to be a very long night. "Are ya gonna do this or not?"
A heaviness seemed to overtake him, clogging his vocalizer to prevent any response. Instead he nodded miserably and pulled his blaster out, not really wanting to be here or do this any more.
The silence, interspersed with the sound of their blasters, echoed throughout the gallery.
Jazz didn't have the date on any of the inter-Ark cameras. He was too busy watching the Decepticons wreak havoc across the planet like a biker gang let loose on a small town. They were in pairs or threesomes, tearing up power plants or oil rigs or tormenting government officials. Prime came out of nowhere and demanded two teams of Autobots: those who would put Compound-W on the warts and those who would kill the virus causing it.
"What is Megatron doing during all of this?" he asked Perceptor, who was safely hiding in his lab. (Jazz wondered why he bothered. Nobody knew about them-yet-but why hide it? If he could he'd tell anyone who'd listen, but orders were orders.)
"Sky Spy and Cosmos detect no extraneous deviations on Megatron's part," the microscope replied, "however; the location of each particular Decepticon is unknown due to massive interference with our equipment."
"He must be tired," Jazz snickered, knowing who had made Perceptor that way. "'Cause I actually understood him."
"Me too," chimed Sideswipe. He and his brother had quietly stood next to the Porsche as Prime tried not to stare at Perceptor while tiny wisps of energy shot out of him from time to time. Perceptor appeared unruffled by Prime's battle of wills, Jazz was amused, and the mechs who had no self control and did not notice those who exerted it…didn't notice.
"Geek," muttered Sunstreaker. Prime sent them out to stop the Coneheads and asked where Ironhide was. As if he didn't know.
"He's on a date, Prime," Jazz replied, Sky Spy showing two Seekers dive bombing a human in his Jeep. "Do you want me to call him in?"
"Negative. I'll investigate the Decepticon lair with the Aerialbots myself." He called for everyone to roll out, instructing Jazz to keep Prowl nearby when he came in for information.
"No problem," Jazz replied, a little too enthusiastic.
Skyfire swooped in out of nowhere.
"YOU! I thought Starscream turned you into a pile of scrap!" Skywarp, furious, warped to get behind the resilient Autobot and teach him a lesson. He was ruining the evening!
"Starscream decided to follow the triple-changers. Too bad! I was looking forward to catching up on old times!" His voice dripped with more sarcasm than a gentle scientist should have. The scorch marks he left on Skywarp's body added extra paradoxical emphasis. "So how's the date? Has he kissed you yet?"
"You FAKED your injuries!" Thundercracker cried, dismayed (and more than a little embarrassed.) "You fraggin' geek! Get outta here!"
"Sorry. I didn't know I had to be honest!" He gunned his engines and sped up, missing Thundercracker completely when Skywarp appeared before him and punched him in the cockpit as hard as he could. They kept going foreward, but like a shark when his nose is impacted, Skyfire lost all sense of balance and began plummeting towards the Indian jungle below them.
"OW!" The black and purple Seeker had a fist lodged inside of the white Autobot and it wasn't going to be removed without either lubricant or a lot of pain. "Thundercracker!"
"I'm coming, give me a minute!" He had to aim first. Carefully flying until parallel with the two, Thundercracker aligned his guns across the mashed front of the jet and pulled the trigger. He took off more Autobot nosecone than probably necessary, but Skywarp didn't care. His hand was free and his enemy was falling! The blue jet swooped across to catch his buddy. "Hold on tight!"
"YEEEEEE-HAAAAAA!" He hadn't meant to say it, but now Skywarp knew why those obnoxious twins shrieked as they rode the Seekers. Although flying was nothing new to a Decepticon, neither Seeker was used to riding someone else for outdoor transportation. This was a total blast! "You gotta try this!"
"Okay, sure." Thundercracker transformed as Skywarp did and they changed places without breaking coolant. "WHOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO!" Skywarp pointed straight up as though shooting for the moon and gunned his engines while Thundercracker gripped him for dear life. Skywarp shivered a little. The touch felt…nice. He hoped his friend enjoyed it too.
"HEY! SKYWARP! LOOK OVER THERE!" He forgot to use his internal radio in the excitement of being able to yell. "ISN'T THAT HOOK?"
It was. What was he doing in the jungle with a tiger in a cage? There was only one thing to do: free the tiger to annoy the slag out of Hook-and Megatron, Thundercracker reminded him, if Astrotrain were correct. Maybe they should ask Hook some questions and radio Starscream. Nah.
"Let's free the tiger an' shoot his wheels out." That would do nicely. They'd better do it quickly, in case another Constructicon were hiding nearby.
The silence was too much. Ironhide said nothing to him except to ask to borrow some of his ammunition. Bluestreak let his arm drop when he mentally got too tired to shoot. After humiliation and being shocked and awed and nearly forgetting to compliment Ironhide's technique in his abilities and compensating by giving an unconvincing delivery and not really wanting to do this in the first place the stress was too much and all he wanted was this date to be over, and fast. His compatriot must not have agreed, for he asked if they were still going to go out for a drive.
"Sure," he sighed.
"What?" Ironhide put his blaster away and looked somewhat confused. It made him more handsome than ever. "Is there somethin' wrong?"
"No. Sorry." He was out of energy in his gun anyway. "Where do you want to go, to the west by the canyon?"
His date must have been relieved that Glomp Hill was not mentioned. "SURE! Let's go over there."
"HEY! Where'd he go?" Hook emerged from his hiding place and clenched his fists in fury. The blasted animal escaped before he could return fire on his assailants and return to getting any decent technical readings! He heard jet engines. Aerialbots, no doubt. He had better radio Soundwave. "I need more time. My subject escaped."
"Status report," Megatron demanded in Soundwave's stead.
"I captured a tiger, as commanded, but while I was retrieving the equipment from subspace someone started shooting at me. When I chased them off I discovered that the animal had run away." Megatron scowled, listened to someone else talk, and grunted.
"Apparently catching an eagle, rhinoceros, and lion were not as difficult. Expect aid in a few hundred astro-minutes, once we take care of these meddling Autobots. Megatron out."
Whoever it was did not return for a second attack. Hook had no further problems.
Flying over the Pacific Ocean took awhile longer than expected, especially when Thundercracker objected to going home "so early." Skywarp took that as a good sign.
"Hey, 'Warp, I got an idea."
It was a crazy game of trust they used to play in their early Academy days: they began by flying toward each other until they got close enough to rattle the other's body, then nearly collide. Before near-impact, they turned up away from the ground, continuing at a slighter angle towards each other. Both transformed at the last minute possible.
Thundercracker had a new twist. They did not pass each other, resisting the urge to shoot, as it had been when their instructor ran the exercise. He grabbed Skywarp and told him to turn off his equilibrium. The black Decepticon grabbed Thundercracker's shoulders and let the feeling of dizziness overtake him as they fell.
Skywarp glanced at the grinning mech in front of him. He was challenging him, waiting for him to chickenbot out. No fraggin' way. They were getting closer to the water below them, unseen in the dark, but Skywarp wasn't going to be afraid. He wasn't; uneasy that this might be a practical joke that would flatten him if he weren't on alert-maybe-but he was not afraid. He could take care of himself.
(Besides, Thundercracker wouldn't do that to him.)
The air shrieked around them. The glass in his cockpit rattled with the rest of his body. They twisted and turned together as they dove to the earth, not separating. Thundercracker never looked hotter. It had to be the altitude or something, but as they plummeted Skywarp's fingers curled tighter around his date's shoulders and his smile pulled back into a full-fledged grin as the force of their fall made his whole body tingle. The tingle grew more intense, causing him to crack up. He rested his head on Thundercracker's shoulder and laughed. Thundercracker smiled, amused.
"Are you ready?" he asked through their radios. Skywarp was. "When I say, turn your equilibrium back on and transform." He had to already have it on to know where they were; Skywarp had no idea which way was up. "GO!"
"YEAH!" He was parallel to the ground and wrestling with a dizzy sense of unbalance (or was it Thundercracker?) when terra firma emerged from the black water and the human's pathetic civilizations splattered out like a bad energon spill under him. "We've gotta do that again."
Thundercracker laughed, closer than Skywarp had anticipated. "When we go back over water."
He wanted to do it now, but Thundercracker didn't. He wouldn't tell him who taught him that, which was too bad. It was a boring story, he claimed.
"Do ya see what I see?" Two very familiar figures in infrared sped along the bottom of a dry wash, their stupid headlights giving away their location.
"Let's go!" Thundercracker called, barrel-rolling down. "The big one's mine!"
Somehow the stars that glowed softly during normal nights were muted from the bottom of the gulch. They were too far removed from them. Dust kicked up around them while they made the tiniest clouds of small talk. It brushed past the somewhat slower Ironhide, who bore the brunt of the burden by being the one asking questions that the other mech replied in short sentences, preoccupied. As time plodded on, the buzz in Bluestreak's processor urged him to find out why someone in a relationship would agree to spend time with a mech who tripped over his own feet. He tried to formulate the question that had been haunting him into a more proper context, but as usual he just blurted it out without processing.
"So what happened with Chromia?"
WHY DID HE JUST SAY THAT!
"I'm sorry! Augh! What I meant to ask was-um-"
"We weren't really a couple." Ironhide was puzzled as to why this was an issue. He would not have accepted Blue's invitation if he were somebody else's mech. "When Ah asked her if she wanted to be, she said no." The sting had not left him, making whatever goodwill he had for Bluestreak dissipate. "It's old history, kid."
"Sorry." He hadn't been called 'kid' until now.
"Ya know, ya can stop sayin' yer sorry. I know this ain't easy." He sounded short, which made Bluestreak even more nervous.
"Right. Sorry." Oops. He couldn't do ANYTHING right tonight! Was there anything in Sunstreaker's magazine that could bail him out?
"I think ya need to think before ya shoot yer mouth off, buddy," Ironhide gently reprimanded.
Bluestreak couldn't reply, due to the need to dodge an incoming firestorm.
"Yeah, that's right! Roll away! Roll away! Ah-hahahahahahaha!" Skywarp always got a little crazy whenever they attacked Autobots, to Thundercracker's discomfort. "You can't hide, loser!" The two Autobots were arguing.
"I gave the last of my blaster power to YOU!"
"Get under that rock then! Ah'll cover ya!"
"But I'm-"
"GO!"
"NO! I'm NOT getting under anything in this dark!"
"You'll be rusting in pieces anyway!" Skywarp howled in delight, hitting the big one as Thundercracker pinned them down with a BOOM to rattle the next planet.
"Augh! Jayzz! Come in!" He leapt over to conceal the younger mech from the Decepticons with his tougher exostructure. If Bluestreak weren't under so much stress he might have been awed at being this close to his crush. All he could think about was that two Decepticons were bearing down on them without Megatron to call it off.
The shots concentrated into one continuous pelting; Ironhide's body shook with each impact but he grimly refused to give anyone the satisfaction of a facial reaction. Bluestreak snatched the blaster from his cover's charred hand and mentally calculated where the black and purple Decepticon more than likely would emerge from his warp, which is what he must be doing if the barest outline (thanks to the full moon) Bluestreak could make out was missing. The Autobot was off by a few feet.
"OH NO!" both Autobots cried as the well-placed shot grazed Skywarp and nailed a persistence Skyfire right in the middle of his body.
"Where did HE come from?" Blue moaned as an exasperated Ironhide grumbled on top of him, 'what NEXT?'
"I'm having a bad day," sighed the white jet as he tailspun down and nearly landed on the hyperactive Lamborghini brothers, back from their defeat at the Decepticon headquarters.
"The Calvary's here!" called Sideswipe flippantly. "C'mon bro, save a horse, ride a Seeker!" He was able to read Thundercracker's feint well enough to get a good grip on him, but Sunstreaker was not able to accomplish this move until a few tries later.
"Watch the finish!" warned the yellow mech.
"Rot in the pit!" returned the black jet. "Hey, TC, let's do what we did earlier. The original version."
Sunstreaker didn't like the nasty laugh he heard under him. It was time for action. He radioed his brother. "Move number 35!"
Sideswipe was still having fun. Drastic battle steps were unnecessary. "I hate that one!"
"How about 22?"
"NO!"
"16?"
This was unacceptable. "Bumblebee's favorite," he suggested.
Sunny sighed. "Okay. On the count of three: One-" They never moved on three. Attack number 69 was executed perfectly as either jet realized the death grip on the top of their bodies eased off and someone was blasting holes into their afterburners.
"YOU SCRAPLINGS!" Skywarp screamed, indignant. He was yelling at nothing.
Both twins were gently floating to the ground, watching their former targets debate whether to stop and repair themselves or move in for the kill. If move number 69 was done correctly, they would opt for the former. A puff of smoke took them away and a sonic boom interfered with the Autobots' parachute descent, but other than that there were no other problems.
"Blue'll thank us for saving his date," Sideswipe declared proudly.
Sunstreaker grunted. "Move 35 is better."
Ironhide was not damaged enough for Ratchet to worry too much. Most of his wounds were exodermal. The CMO and Wheeljack gave him a new coating of enamel and sent him off, admonishing him to get some rest. Then they turned to Skyfire.
He longed to climb onto his plate and slip into the blank darkness that was being offline. Forget the night, the pain, the horribly gauche evening's social misinteractions, forget BLUESTREAK.
"So you're okay!"
The scowl was out before he could stop it. "What are YOU doin' here?"
Bluestreak's forced smile wavered considerably. "Sunny told me I should walk you home when the date's over."
Ironhide's jaw dropped, closed, and he shrugged, trying to cover up the smile and failing. That was sweet. Poor guy! All he probably wanted to do was run to his room and hide until the world ended, but instead he put on a brave face and finished his date. It changed some perspectives, somehow.
Perhaps…perhaps Ironhide had not really considered…he hadn't…no. Blue didn't really do anything for him, like Carly said once about Spike. On the other hand, anybody who went through what the younger mech went through tonight and kept smiling deserved better. Maybe…just this once…
They stopped at the door and Bluestreak, who had been dying a thousand deaths in the last twenty-four hours and now wanted to be transferred to Ultra Magnus's division the second they found it, held out his hand for a handshake. Ironhide stared at it for moment before clearing his vocalizer.
"Bluestreak, this has been the worst date Ah've been on in vorns."
"I know. I'm sorry." He withdrew his hand. "And I know, I've been saying that all night but I mean it. I'm sorry."
It was pathetic, really. The poor mech. "Ah think that it's not fair to have yer first date bein' so awful, so Ah'll tell you what Ah'm gonna do: tomorrow Jazz and Prowl were gonna go with me to guard a NASCAR race the President's going to an' Ah can bring a few volunteers. Ah think you and the twins just volunteered." Blue's face lit up. "We'll pretend tonight didn't happen. How's that sound?"
The sniper could not feel a more welcome surge of relief. He was getting a second chance. This would be an easier setting with more people and no more worrying about how to act because he'd be around friends and working. It sounded great, and Bluestreak told him so.
"Ah'll se ya tomorrow," Ironhide called as Bluestreak hurried to go tell his friends the results of his night of disaster.
"Bravo!" The large red warrior turned up the hallway to see a grinning Jazz applauding as Prowl hovered over him. "Great job, Ironhide. You handled that kid pretty well."
Ironhide leaned against the doorway for support. "Easy for you to say. Tomorrow we have to work with the twins!" He invited them in. Prowl stood by the door as Jazz flopped onto the only chair in the room.
"Was it really that bad?" Prowl asked.
"Worse. Ah don't think anything went right." He told the story from the lousy invitation to the departure from med bay.
"Do you see this going anywhere?" Always Logical Prowl was considering step four when step one had barely begun.
"Ah don't know. Ah was ready to write him off as lost until Ah saw him waiting for me to get away from Ratchet so he could walk me home. It was something Chromia'd do." His vocalizer stalled for a moment. She was in the past, something that had lingering twinges of remorse when he thought about it. "He kinda grows on ya."
Jazz patted his friend on the shoulder and stood up to leave. Prowl followed close behind. "I guess we'll see."
"So…did you have a good time?" Skywarp seemed jumpy for somebody who had just been laughing his wings off for twelve hours straight. They were staggering to Thundercracker's chamber door, slightly over-energized after the Decepticon victory celebration over the Autobots. Megatron, to Starscream's fury, innocently denied any gestalt conspiracy going on behind the Seeker's back, and there was nothing to substantiate any rumors the triple-changers had started. Starscream opted out of the party to sulk in his lab.
"Yeah." He had. It hadn't really seemed like a date, even when Starscream and Skyfire called it that.
"One more thing," Skywarp added, leaning in before Thundercracker could open the door. Cool lips met cooler lips for a brief and soft kiss.
He turned to leave, not wanting to spoil the moment with a reaction; unfortunately the contemptuous snicker followed him down the hall. The black Seeker returned to confront his date with a frown.
"What?"
Thundercracker leered, optics glittering a cherry red. "That was WEAK!"
"Weak?" Skywarp tilted his head at an incredulous angle. "Weak?"
His taunting did not change tone, even when challenged. "Were ya kissing yer creator? I thought you were a warrior, not a floor sweeper."
"FLOOR SWEEPER?" Oh, NOW he was asking for it. "I oughtta pound your face in!"
"If you hit the same way you kiss, I'm not scared." He had been waiting for this. Bribing the Coneheads to heckle Starscream to dare Skywarp just to bring it all to a head in this glorious moment; when Thundercracker could goad the other jet into doing something his almighty pride would never have allowed him to initiate.
He simmered, the lightening brewing in the dark cloud his posture made as the gross injustice brewed. Skywarp wouldn't last much longer. Thundercracker could barely contain his glee: he was getting laid tonight-at long last-in five, four…
"I'm gonna make your wings shake," he threatened, grabbing the blue Decepticon's arms and pushing him into the room with all of his might.
"Then leave the light on. I want to see what you're doing." The grin burst forth for only a nanosecond before it was engulfed in a more rigorous activity, making Thundercracker hope that every date would end as well as this one.