PART THIRTEEN

Jack brushed the sand from his desk, straight into the waste paper bin. He frowned at the mysterious puzzle box and then abandoned it in favour of finding Ianto. They were the only two left in the Hub after their missing two days. The whole team had been more than a little spooked by the experience, but Jack was satisfied that no serious damage had been done and that the matter was best forgotten. Easier said than done, but he had the benefit of previous experience. He needed another cup of coffee so he was somewhat disappointed when Ianto wasn't obviously visible.

"Ianto?"

"In here Jack."

Jack found him in the autopsy bay standing there, one of Owen's bottles of tablets in his hand. He looked frozen in place as if contemplating something......Jack's gut clenched.

"Ianto?" He was at the young man's side in an instant. His hand went over the one grasping the small container of pills and Jack gently prized it from his grasp. He read the label.

RETCON V3.

"Ianto, what were you gonna do with this?"

Ianto took a step away and perched himself on the end of the metal autopsy table.

"It worked Jack, the Retcon worked. I don't remember the last two days."

Jack replaced the medicine and locked the cabinet, pocketing the key.

"None of us do, are you worried about that?"

Ianto shook his head and looked up and half smiled at Jack, his hands clasped in his lap.

"No, I'm sure that whatever happened we dealt with it. It's just all those times I've taken the stuff and it hasn't worked and now Owen's revised formula does..... I.... could erase it all Jack, Canary Wharf, Lisa, that year. I can make it all go away."

"Jeez Ianto, you'd lose so much of who you are, are you sure you want that?"

Jack shuddered at the thought and at the flash of hope in Ianto's eyes, in many ways it was no different than a form of suicide.

"It's four years of your life Ianto and there's no guarantee that a dose that large wouldn't do permanent damage to your brain. Look at what happened with Suzie; that poor man she drugged up will never get out of Providence Park. Do you want to end up like that?" He stood in front of Ianto and rested his hands flat on Ianto's thighs.

"I'd just be like I was before I joined Torchwood, wouldn't I?"

"No and you know that. Part of you is intrinsically wound into those events, it makes you who are now and if you take that away it'll be like cutting a piece of your soul out."

Their eyes met for the briefest of moments and Ianto hurriedly looked down to Jack's hands.

"It's an easy way out for me Jack. I could just start over, do something normal." He mumbled. Jack's forehead connected with his.

"Is that really what you want?" He couldn't hide his disappointed tone.

Ianto shrugged.

"Come on Ianto, Torchwood needs you, I need you. I see you getting a bit better each day and now you just wanna give up?"

"No Jack, I just.... it's so hard some times. I just want to forget."

Jack sighed realising just how hurt he felt. He stepped back and pressed the bunch of cabinet keys into Ianto's hand.

"It's your choice, but for what it's worth I do not want to lose you."

Ianto pushed the keys away and they fell to the floor with a clatter. "I can't Jack, I can't do it, because if I take those pills then I will lose you and the others, I won't have served the sentence for Annie's and Dr Tanizaki's deaths and I have to do that. You're the only people I...... the only friends I have, the only people who understand. It's just tempting, so.... I know in my head that its stupid." He chewed at his lip for a moment forcing himself not to cry. "You must think me selfish."

Jack smiled and bent down gathering up the keys and stuffing them into the pocket of his great coat.

"Not selfish Ianto, just human. When we hurt sometimes we just want the quickest exit out of the pain." He held out his hand and Ianto took it, allowing himself to be pulled into a fierce embrace. "You're one of the bravest men I've ever met and you have a good heart. Now why don't we go out and get some dinner and then if you don't mind, I'd really like you to take me home to your bed."

Ianto smiled into the warmth of Jack's neck. "I'd like that." The weight of the world lifted from his shoulders.

AN: Fluffy enough?