Chapter Thirteen- Bittersweet

It was heat and pain; and it wouldn't stop. It seeped through his veins and soaked into his bones. His head felt heavy, pounding and stiflingly warm. He couldn't breathe. It had started slowly, almost innocently flu-like with a little fever and aches in his bones, but it didn't take long for the heat to crank up until it was all he felt, until he couldn't think for the boiling tidal wave crashing through him.

A tiny voice within him tried to be heard, screaming in the distance that the fire in his bones would burn away everything. His thoughts, his emotions, even his memories were turning to ashes, but the more he fought it the worse it hurt. He collapsed into a little heap on the floor, shaking and trying to fight it. His insides blistered with some dark outrage against his attempts, but he kept holding on. He had lost control earlier, but now he filled his mind with thoughts of his family, of his love for them, of anything good he could dredge into his brain. If he could hold on to what he was fighting for, he could maintain a little longer against it all.

"Chris."

He heard his name, a dark, feminine voice calling to him. His scalding blood ached to answer. He fought it, and lost. In the battle inside of him, he was having more luck with keeping his mind than his body. Physically, he knew the blazing venom had been changing him, but it had not completely erased him yet. The voice kept calling.

He answered, trying to hold on, trying to keep the distance between what he was and what he knew he was becoming. It hurt, and he struggled against it. The voice gave him an order, and he rejected it. The pain was worse than he could imagine, and suddenly it doubled. It knocked him to the ground. She laughed. He couldn't hear what she said through the screaming pain inside his head.

He asked himself, why? Why did it hurt beyond anything imaginable? Why was he fighting when that only made it worse? The word filled what was left of his thoughts, and he couldn't answer. He didn't know why anymore, and he simply couldn't understand. His words cracked with the pain and confusion he felt. He could no longer picture those loving faces he'd been so focused on. He couldn't force his mind through the blinding agony to pull out reasons to keep fighting.

Though some small part of him still revolted, he was caught up in anger against it all. He roared aloud, brutal rage reverberating through the basement. In that one moment, what was left of him could feel itself slipping. The heat rose higher and sunk deeper into him. His very soul was burning away, and he couldn't stop it anymore. The darkness in his blood coursed freely. He didn't want to stop it.

"Chris!" He was shaking, and the voice was calling again. "Chris!" But it wasn't the same voice. The pain was gone. The sweltering heat had subsided. But still he was shaking.

"Chris!" Another voice, scared and very close, was calling. "Please, man, you've gotta snap out of this. Chris!"

"I'm getting help, I'll be right back!" The first voice trembled, and was followed by clunking, running footsteps.

Chris opened his eyes. There was Wyatt. Danger. Chris tried to jump to his feet, but his brother held him still. Neither said a word as Chris struggled to stand, writhing and throwing punches. Wyatt simply held him down, taking the hits seemingly without noticing them. His eyes were filled with hurt and compassion. Chris looked around wildly, like an injured animal.

"It's alright, Henry, you don't have to wake the whole house." Chris heard yet another voice, muffled this time, and he couldn't see where it was coming from as his eyes roved the attic. He took a deep breath and calmed himself. He could think again. He was not burning alive, and his brother, his good brother, sat next to him protectively. He took another quaking, deep breath. He looked Wyatt in the eye and nodded slightly. Wyatt let him go, returning the nod. The soft sounds of creaking floorboards alerted them of people entering the attic, but neither bothered to see who it was.

Wyatt held his arms out as if half-expecting Chris to fall over. The question was written all over his face, he didn't have to say it for his little brother to respond.

"Yeah, I'm alright." Chris held his forehead with both hands like someone holding the pieces together, waiting for the glue to dry.

"Wyatt, heal him." Chris finally recognized the newcomer's voice as Thalia's. She pulled his hands away from his face. His palms were covered in deep, crescent shaped cuts. His fingernails were equally bloody.

Wyatt held his hands over his baby brother's and let the golden light undo the damage.

Chris put his hands back on his forehead, his headache throbbing with every sound. He closed his eyes.

"Fix it." Wyatt asked, newly dissipated panic leaving him in an agitated state. Thalia put her hands over Chris' ears and chanted softly. When she let go, the pain was gone.

Chris stood up. Wyatt shadowed his movements, looking wary, "Wyatt, I'm fine." Chris's words were flat and tired.

"Um. What just happened?" Henry Jr. asked.

"It's a long story." Chris spoke with just a hint of his normal deadpan. He was still breathing heavily as he started to walk in slow, wide circles.

"Is it something I need to know?" Henry Jr. asked plainly, rearranging the look on his face into something less unsettled.

"Not particularly, not yet at least." Wyatt answered.

"Then I'll go downstairs. Make sure I didn't wake anybody up." Henry Jr. was a very practical person, and despite being the only non-magical member of the youngest generation in the Warren line, was good to have in sticky situations for just that reason. He nearly always kept his head.

"Yes." Thalia's voice was gloomy, but clear. Breaking the minute-long silence after Jr.'s departure.

"What?" Wyatt asked abruptly, still on edge.

"It'd be nice if you waited for me to ask the question before you answered it." Chris continued pacing, arms crossed against his chest and back hunched in as if warding off cold weather.

"You wanted to know if it was a memory, not just a dream. It was." Thalia stepped lightly over to Chris, putting a small hand on his arm comfortingly.

"How bad was it?" Wyatt knew his brother, and had never seen him quite so shaken up.

"Bad." Chris turned from Wyatt to Thalia, "What was it?" He sounded very young, and very hurt.

"I see the future, Chris. Not your dreams. But from what I saw, from what you would have said about it, I believe you dreamed his memory of being infected by the spider demon. Does that sound about right?" Her dark eyes were kind behind slightly askew glasses. She had not been awake long.

Chris tried to remember more than just the pain. He could picture a pale woman's face speaking to him through a large spider web. "Yeah. That sounds right." Bitterness filled his voice.

No one spoke after that, but they didn't go back to sleep.

As the Sun rose slowly, Paige was the first person to stagger sleepily into the kitchen to find Chris and Wyatt drinking coffee.

"Why are you two awake at this ungodly hour?" She asked, her voice husky with sleep and the ill-temper she always had in the morning.

"Can I ask you something, Paige?" Chris spoke for the first time in hours, setting his cup down as she poured a fresh one for herself.

"No questions, just coffee." She sighed contentedly as she sipped her caffeine. Content that slipped away when she caught the look on her nephews' faces. "What happened?" She was suddenly very serious.

"Nothing. Not really. Just a, just a dream." Chris tried to speak calmly, to get Paige out of her battle-ready mindset.

"A dream?" Her head nodded forward. Her eyebrows crinkled in confusion.

"Yeah. Well, more of a..." Chris paused, knowing that however she reacted it wouldn't be good, "a memory. One that wasn't mine."

She caught on quickly, "Right." it took her a second to process, and then a look of deep concern came over her, "I'm guessing it was pretty bad." he nodded in response, "What's your question?"

"Why did he..." Chris searched for words.

"Chris, I learned a couple decades ago not to ask why he did anything. He either told us or he didn't, and there wasn't all that much we could do to get him to cop to something if he didn't want to."

"I know. I mean, he kept a lot of secrets, but we haven't seen everything yet. You have, so maybe you would know."

"Alright," but she didn't sound confident, "Ask away."

There were a thousand questions. He searched his thoughts and knew what he wanted to ask, "From what we've seen, it looks like he had something against Dad. Why didn't the other me like him?"

Wyatt looked surprised, but Paige looked uncomfortable, "It's really early in the morning, kid, and you should probably talk to Leo about that one." She put her hands on her hips, looking contemplative, "How much have you guys seen?"

Chris and Wyatt looked at each other. They had done practically nothing but watch the Ronyx all the previous day. "Evil genie demon." Chris answered first.

Wyatt nodded in agreement, "You just found out who he really was."

Paige interrupted with a small laugh.

"What?" Wyatt sounded a little perturbed. In his opinion, it had not been a funny thing to watch.

"It's just you two finishing each other's sentences. I have twins, and even they don't do that. Kinda creepy." She nodded her head as if to punctuate her statement, turned on her heels and walked out of the kitchen. Chris blinked hard, then shook his head before speaking.

"She just changed the subject." He looked to his big brother, exasperation and amusement in his eyes, "And then she just up and left."

"That she did. She really didn't want to answer your question." Wyatt smiled mockingly, shaking his head and drinking his coffee. Henry Jr. walked into the kitchen, looking a little hesitant.

"Hey, you guys are here. Thalia said if you are done with your coffee she'd like to begin today's session."

Piper woke up peacefully. Paige was already awake and out of bed, but Phoebe still snored softly off to the side of the big bed. Piper hopped up, getting herself ready for the day. She hummed quietly, enjoying the complete lack of worry she had for the first time in far too many years. Sure, the house was full to bursting, but every relative that was a possible target (Which meant practically every relative) was safe for the moment. Piper could have skipped down the hall. What demon would possibly attack? There were fifteen people in the house, and most of them packed pretty heavy magical firepower. Even those without offensive magic knew hand-to-hand combat, or could throw vanquishing potions with impeccable aim. Demons preferred going against innocents or outnumbering unprepared witches. The Halliwell manor was filled with the equivalent to a locked and loaded army.

She kissed her husband hello, and hummed a tune her grandmother had sung to her years and years ago. Piper Halliwell felt safe, and that was usually when the shit hit the fan.

"Good morning!" She said cheerily when she found Paige fiddling with a small scrap of paper in the conservatory, "What are you up to?"

"Hiding from your boys." Paige gave her big sister a bittersweet smile.

"Why? Are they up to something?"

"No. They were just asking questions about Other Chris." Paige unfolded the paper and looked down at it. Piper realized it was the old photograph from Wyatt's first birthday. The only picture ever taken of the time-traveler.

"Why did you take that picture?" Piper asked for the thousandth time over the years, "And why did you keep it? It's not a very good one, he's moving and making a face at you."

"Yeah, he was telling me off about not taking pictures." Paige giggled, a tear welling in her eye, "We had just finished setting up the decorations and I caught him telling Wyatt 'happy birthday' before the guests arrived."

"You never told me that before." Piper leaned in close to her sister, looking over her shoulder at the photograph. It was old and faded and creased.

"That was why I had to take it, the moment was just too cute." Paige ran her fingers over the ragged edge of the picture.

"Why'd you keep it?" Piper spoke in barely a whisper.

"You remember that day, right?"

"How could I not. As soon as the party was over we got attacked. That was the day of the ghostly plane incident." Piper blushed.

"Yeah, well, while you guys were going through that, Chris was fading into nothing here. We almost lost him and all I could think was, I cannot forget him. You know? I kept thinking that even if he faded out, as long as I held onto his memory, he still existed somehow. It's kinda hokey, but when I got the film developed, I don't know, I just kept thinking about that day. Then when Gideon...When he faded away right in front of me..." She took a deep, steadying breath, "Yes, he was born, I could pick him up and hold him anytime, but it wasn't the same. I couldn't get rid of this picture, because I didn't want to lose the first Chris." Paige looked her big sister in the eyes, seeking understanding. She found it.

"Sweetie, you don't have to defend yourself." Piper pulled Paige in for a hug, "And it's not 'hokey'. I just... I miss him too. Even now, even after raising him. I miss that messed up young man we lost, and I'm so happy I can look at that picture and see him."

"Word of warning." Thalia's usually bright, bird-like voice came out in a slow, deep whisper. "After yesterday, after your dream this morning. Continuing at this pace could very well shatter what is left of the spell keeping your two consciousnesses separate."

"Short version?" Chris stared at her defiantly.

"If you push it, he comes out sooner rather than later."

"How much sooner?"

Thalia simply shook her head in reply, "I cannot tell you until the time comes."

"Well tell me this: it looks to me like we are sitting on the edge of some pretty serious shit. The whole family is on lock-down against who knows how many demons. Tell me it wouldn't be better to get through this little personal drama of mine as fast as possible, and get the real fighter here. The other Chris." He spoke harshly, but his eyes looked scared.

Thalia tilted her head in thought, staring at him without blinking, "You think yourself too weak to fight in the upcoming battle."

Wyatt, who had been quiet throughout the conversation, stepped forward, "Seriously, Chris? You kick more demon ass than virtually anyone else on the planet. Except me." He lightly punched his brother's bony shoulder.

"You feel compromised." Thalia acted as if she hadn't heard Wyatt. "Chris, what have you not told us?" She looked at him expectantly, but without curiosity.

"Like you don't already know. Can you please just play the stupid crystal?" Chris gestured angrily to the Ronyx stone on the table in front of them, and the stack of old magazines on the floor behind it exploded.

"What the Hell, man?" Wyatt jumped back as tiny embers floated down like hellish confetti.

Chris clutched his hands to the back of his neck and started pacing, "I just want to get this over with. I think I'm losing my mind, and I just want it to be over with."

"I think you need to tell your brother, Chris, before we move any further into this."

Chris kept pacing, but seemed to compose himself enough to talk, "It's like something is wrong with my eyes. It started when Paige was walking out of the kitchen. I could've sworn her hair changed colors, but I blew it off. Then I saw Leo on the stairs, and he looked impossibly older than yesterday. But then I thought about yesterday, and he looked exactly the goddamn same. Now it's a playpen on the floor right over there by the book. I see it, plain as day, until I try to look directly at it. It's going to get worse, I can just feel it. There isn't much time left, and I want to be prepared for this. So can we please, just watch these psychotic rip-offs of home-movies now? Please?"

"Yes. But first you need to know that there isn't much left for you to see. If we go at the pace you are asking, then by the time the sun goes down, you will be done, and the spell on your mind will be fractured irreparably."

"What happened to, 'I can't tell you until the time comes'?" Wyatt asked under his breath.

Chris stopped pacing. The morning sun came through the window, lighting up his tear-filled green eyes, "Will I get to say goodbye?" He seemed to ask the far wall.

"Yes. Your mother would find a way to kill me if I didn't let you say goodbye."

"Then let's do this."

"If you don't mind my asking, what is the plan, Sir?" Gaspar tried his luck yet again. When Markus had returned unsuccessfully from the Halliwells with news from Thalia, Barbas had redefined "don't shoot the messenger" it was brutal, but it left an opening for Barbas' right-hand man. The usually solo demon was one of the most powerful and influential in the Underworld when he wasn't being a hermit, and Gaspar was not going to loose this golden opportunity to rise in notoriety. If sucking up was involved, what good was pride compared to raising his position?

"Well, we've got them all worked up and bunkered down, so for now why not let them stew in it?" Barbas seemed only too pleased to answer, a fact that left Gaspar thanking his lucky stars. When Barbas didn't feel like talking, it was unpleasant for whichever demon attempted the conversation.

Barbas wasn't quite done yet, "We turn their stronghold into a big cage. Keep them crammed together in there, on edge, expecting the storm of the century, until they start to crack from within. Then..." He got very quiet, smiling and closing his eyes rapturously, "Then I have some fun."

It was emotional, to say the least. Watching his mother find out who he was, then watching his other self seeming to reject her. Seeing that there wasn't just a grudge against Leo, but an all-out hatred. Watching himself turning into a spider demon was the worst of it, though, because it was almost as if he could feel the infection burning through him again. Still, they kept watching. Chris knew that his brother was staring him down from the seat next to him, but he didn't care at the moment. All he cared about was getting through it all.

The hours passed, and it was clear that they didn't have much time left. On the screen, Piper's pregnancy was like a twisted reminder of the ticking clock to the end. Chris couldn't help but think, "That's actually me." and he knew that the day he was born was the day his other self died. Still, the scenes flew by.
Chris and Wyatt both tensed up whenever Gideon was involved. The level of trust that Leo had for him, the way he pretended to help, even the way he'd convinced himself he was doing good, it all made Chris' skin crawl.

"Don't fall for it. Don't fall for it. Please, don't fall for it, he's a liar." Wyatt whispered fiercely as he rocked back and forth. But it did no good; Gideon convinced the Charmed Ones that those behind the demonic reality show "Witch Wars" were the ones to turn their twice-blessed child.

"I talked to Thalia this morning." Piper spoke very quietly, her words sounding hollow.

"Is everything alright?" Leo came over to where his wife was seated on the bed. He knelt down and put a hand on her arm. He knew immediately that something was seriously wrong. Piper was not one to stare at the floor and speak softly, she was confident and strong.

"When they finish watching..." Her voice choked, "When they've seen what they needed to see," she turned her reddened eyes to Leo, but there were no tears, "She's going to wake up the other Chris." Her eyes dropped back to the floor, "And the little boy we raised will be gone."

"Piper." Leo brushed her hair behind her ear, speaking softly, "We don't have to worry about that just yet, Chris, the other Chris, was in the past for a very long time. They won't be able to see it all for at least a little while longer." He smiled gently.

"No, Leo, it's not like they're watching every single thing that happened, she said they'd be finished tonight." On her last word, large tears finally started to fall.

Leo took a moment to process her words, his forehead crinkled in thought, "But he won't be gone, Piper. They're the same person, it'll still be Chris."

"I know that." She said frustratedly, just before sniffling, "It's just... I'm a terrible mother." her tone changed from despair to guilt.

"What?" Leo was too surprised to try to sound supportive, "Why would you say that?"

"Because." She sighed, "Because when Thalia told me that she was waking up the first Chris tonight," she shook her head slowly, "I was happy."

"So am I." Leo had none of the guilt on his face that Piper did, "And you shouldn't feel bad about it. They are the same person, Piper. This Chris deserves to know all the good he did, he has a right to remember saving the world. Even if that means remembering all the bad things that could have happened." He took Piper's hands in his, "And the other Chris deserves to live in this world that he made possible. He shouldn't have had to earn a happy childhood, but he did a thousand times over, and I'm just thankful that he can finally know what that is. We've been grieving over his death for almost twenty-three years, and we'll finally have our lost son back. We can finally be a whole family again."

"Then why do I feel like I'm losing them both?"

Evil parallel worlds. It was Chris's turn to shiver. Seeing himself holding a Darklighter crossbow struck a nerve very deep within him. It was just so wrong. Then the balance of Good and Evil went completely out of whack, and Piper was in labor. Chris's heart nearly stopped. This was it. He was about to watch himself die.

"Chris!" Leo nearly ran into the room.

He was laid out on the bed, bleeding and sweating. The magic in the athame worked quickly, he didn't have much time left, "Hey."

"Hey." Leo's voice trembled as he rushed to Chris's deathbed, "I'm here now. You can hold on, okay? Hold on. Hold on." His words were shaky as he leaned in close, "I'm here. You can hold on, okay?" He put a hand on his son's forehead.

Chris nodded silently in response, looking pale.

"Don't give up, okay?" Leo's quiet words were desperate.

"You, either." Chris struggled to lift his head as he said the words. He gasped. His breathing became labored and his head rolled back. His eyes closed. His heaving breaths staggered and stopped.

"No. No, please." Leo whispered as if Chris could still hear him.

Paige leaned silently in the doorway, tears rolling down her face.

"No." It was a hopeless notion that his refusal could somehow undo it all, "No."

Paige broke down first, going from tearful to body-shaking, wracking sobs. All the while not making a noise. Then Leo, collapsing against the too-still chest of his son. As he grieved, the body he held dissipated. Leo didn't move, now crying into the mattress. The heart-rending sound of a parent outliving their child.

The rest of it should have been anti-climactic. Chris and Wyatt both knew that Gideon was stopped, that Piper and Baby Chris survived the birth. What they hadn't known was the fury in Leo's eyes after losing his son, or the fear on Phoebe's and Paige's face over whether Piper and the baby would make it out of that delivery room alive. These were people who put family over absolutely everything else, and they had just lost one of their own.

Thalia called out in that same familiar, fluid language, and the stone turned off. Actually off. Chris took a deep breath, knowing what was coming.
"Now it's time to say anything to your family that you feel needs saying, and then it'll be time." She didn't have to specify what time, it was foreboding and obvious. Chris had a sinking feeling inside.

"Here we are again." Paige gave a one-sided smile, but her eyes were red.

"I guess so." Chris felt like someone had replaced his tongue with cotton.

Everyone was crammed into the attic to say goodbye. Wyatt had asked Thalia why she wanted to do the magic there, and she had told him it was because the attic looked virtually the same as it had always looked. Everyone wanted a hug. Nearly everyone said "good luck". Paige made a rather colorful and slightly inappropriate joke. Phoebe made a sappy mini-speech. Piper and Leo each said a very heartfelt, "I love you." It almost felt, to Chris, like he was going off on a trip instead of disappearing into his own brain. The people in front of him started to blur. There wasn't much time.

"Alright, everybody clear out. Not you, Leo." Thalia started rushing people out as Chris sat on the ancient couch.

"Why just me?" Leo asked, glancing to Piper.

"Because you were with him when he died, and you need to be here when he wakes up. Now, please, we need to hurry." Thalia asked Chris to lay back on the couch, she put both of her hands over his head and began to rock back and forth. Her voice held intensity and power, but no discernible meaning, as she chanted in what Chris had begun to suspect was Greek, the rhythmic language she seemed to go to for all of her magic.

Chris felt Leo put a hand on his arm as he started drifting to sleep.