Amaterasu had once tried to kill herself.
She had been alone in her empty house, had just finished packing her toys and was preparing to be escorted to her new home when she found her parent's wedding album.
Their smiling faces… her grandparents beaming proudly at the camera while holding the newly weds…
The happiness… without her, moments stolen away…
They pissed her off.
She raised the book and threw it against a mirror.
Glass shattered.
Shards scattered.
Blood stained the carpets as Ama boldly moved over the broken mirror and grabbed a large piece, a sad smile pulling her lips up bitterly as the bit cut into her skin.
She held the shard to her throat, but wondered about how effective it would be. Surely she'd just bleed until someone came in and found her? They'd try to save her, and she'd be in agony the whole time. What if they DID save her? She would just be locked away.
Ama lowered the glass and held it to her wrist, putting very little pressure on it.
No, this would hurt too much and take too long.
Chemicals sat untouched beneath her sink, but which ones would succeed? No, poison wouldn't do either; many would take far too long before someone came in and found her hunched over in pain. Speaking of which…
She glanced down at her cut feet and frowned, taking in the bloody stains on the previously clean floors. Sighing in resignation, she grabbed a medical kit from under her bed and began to tend to her feet, cleaning them and bandaging them the best she could, ignoring the stinging sensation of the cleansing alcohol.
Her face burned in shame: despite her lack of motivation regarding a future as a shinobi, Amaterasu was the daughter of two nin who had given their lives in combat to complete their mission, and the countless other faceless ninja who had sacrificed themselves in order to bring peace to the land would never forgive her for throwing away so carelessly what they had ripped away violently. Dropping the shard on the ground, Ama began to clean up the mess and welcomed the ache in her feet as she moved, purposely stepping on harder objects so that she might impart a bit of wisdom upon herself: life was precious, and each day is a victory in and of itself, carelessly tossing it aside would do nothing but prove her unworthy and ungrateful.
Ama stared at her old friend in wonder, torn between multiple conflicting emotions as she beheld his apathetic eyes. She felt overjoyed to see him alive and well, even the knowledge that he was now an S-class missing nin and notorious member of Akatsuki would not deter her from the satisfaction that a single piece from her past remained, the last thread that connected her to a world where she was loved and respected.
At the same time, she felt angry and betrayed that he had not contacted her at all and even though she was well aware of the danger she might have been placed in had he remained involved in her life, Amaterasu was pissed that this man, this barbarian had the nerve to look her so calmly in the eyes and not even greet her, simply acknowledge her as though she were a nuisance pet whom he simply could not be rid of.
And then there was the fear: he had killed his family, so what was preventing him from doing the same to her? Though she had assumed he had a valid reason for the massacre seeing as how Itachi had always hated mindless violence, it did nothing to quell her instinctive fear of him. She had lived for six years without him and had even grown accustomed to the loneliness of her new life, so why was he present?
Her heart fluttered.
Would he keep his age-old promise and retrieve her, whisk her away from her dull life of solitude and remind her of the sense of determination she had felt as a child, insist on her living her life to the fullest rather than wasting away as a spectator?
"Ne, Itachi-san, if we dawdle here too long, leader will be rather upset. The boy needs to be under constant supervision and we're already in trouble if word gets out that we were recognized, so let's kill the girl and…" he stopped after seeing the dark glare the Uchiha had thrown him, baffled by the sudden uncharacteristic concern in his partner's obsidian eyes.
"Akatsuki, Itachi? Have you changed so much that you have willingly subjected yourself to a life of violence and crime? You know," she began, turning to the intimidating tall man beside her, "I remember a time when Itachi fought against people from groups like yours, insisting that the crimes they committed, the violence that he abhorred so much in which they thrived in," a coy smile as her perfectly red lips closed around a sweet dumpling, the heavy black lashes concealing her cat-like eyes as she enjoyed her treat, "was the bane of mankind and those who took part in the acts were scum. Oh how the mighty have fallen."
He clenched his jaw, ignoring the seething aura around the shark-like man and choosing instead to try to remind himself why it was best that she think he truly HAD stooped to this level willingly.
She laughed bitterly at the two men before her, the young fuinjutsu mistress closing her eyes as she stood and gracefully climbed over the table, leaving money where she had been seated.
"Once upon a time," Amaterasu began as she glanced back towards her once-dear friend, "once upon a time I would have loved this, would have greeted you happily and hugged you upon seeing your face. I would have followed you to the ends of the earth and done so happily, but now," her smile faltered here and she had to breathe deeply to calm herself. "Now I feel nothing but sympathy for you, the man who once upon a time was kind and gentle, sweet in every manner and had accepted his role in our great masquerade valiantly, and yet, that sympathy has been…. Overridden by…. Contempt.
"I loathe you, Uchiha Itachi, for throwing away what you should have treasured, for destroying the people I had grown to love and whom had become a makeshift family to me. I wish nothing but death and despair upon you, and yet," the men held their breaths as she spoke softly to them, her words caressing the mind as softly as a lover's touch. "And yet, I hate myself more for holding you in the light in which I have for the past six years, for continuing to love you as I once did and even wishing you would come to me and explain why.
"But I suppose," a forced laugh, "that this is partially my fault as well. Uchiha Itachi, I wish to never see your face again."
DON'T KILL ME !
I have been struggling with writer's block and right now should be asleep like a good child, but I decided to give you this present!
Now, Ama is no longer a sweet-tempered, level headed child: she's a big girl who has been struggling for the past six years to achieve an unknown goal, and so the story will now take an angsty turn. She will not run into Itachi's arms as so many fanfictions depict, and they will not hump like rabbits. It will be a while before the romance kicks in, so be prepared. As for plot, I know most stories end one of three ways: him dying and her living on, her dying for whatever reason shortly before or after, or, and this is generally only with very BOLD authors, he somehow lives on and the heroine and him live happily ever after.
I hate happy endings.
I also hate predictability, so watch for weird and random twists.
Prepare your anuses my darling ducklings, for they are going to get pounded by the literary horse penis and not the limp-noodle dolphin penis.
Forgive my dirty fingers, I am sleepy and grumpy.
Goodnight, and I LOVE YOU!