Conversations between women
Four days passed in which I had more problems in accustoming myself to the life in London again than I had thought. After a year in complete isolation, I was overextended with the vividness in my native-city. I wasn´t used to society anymore, too. Right on the first day after my arrival, some friends of my family had paid a visit, had offered me their condolences on my uncle´s death and had pronounced invitations to diverse dinners, soirees and visits in the opera at once which I had declined as polite as I could. Theresa though kept on at me every day that I should show up again on such events, not least because I would never find a man when I would retreat into my shell, according to her. My prevarications that I didn´t feel like it were completely ignored by her. On the contrary, she held the opinion that some time in upper society would help me to settle in again. But settling in wasn´t my only problem.
On the second day after my arrival I had taken a carriage to the central London and had visited the bank, my family used to make businesses with for years. I had presented my father´s last will to one of the employees whereupon he had led me instantly to the bank´s director. He had told me, in an almost one-hour conversation that Richard had used up my whole heritage and had transferred some parts of it to the templar order, for which reason nothing was left for me in the end, thanks to the order which hadn´t gotten in touch so far. Obviously the templars weren´t interested in my return to England after my uncle had been murdered in America. But why should they? At least they had my money now.
Theresa had reacted to this news with a smirk and an "I´ve told you so", but at once she had offered me that she would still house me. "Until you have a man with you."
But looking for this man wasn´t my priority. Against Theresa´s pressure I spent my time in the house. Read, played the cembalo or just lost myself in my thoughts. Although I had everything now, what I had longed for a few months ago, I had the feeling that something was still missing and this feeling became worse from time to time.
On this fourth day after my arrival, Theresa was finally weary of my seclusion. Without my knowledge she had invited three young ladies, I had grown up with, for the evening and there was nothing else left for me than sitting with them in the parlour, drinking tea and chatting, while Theresa sat in one of the back corners and knitted. Lynette Garbor and Catherine Margot were both married, had children and lived the exemplary life of a wife and mother. They told about their loved ones, spoke about education and the effort it entails to lead a household with several servants. I was unable to avoid that I amused myself in silence about them. They complained about these efforts while I had to remember the women in the Davenport Homestead who had pursued their duties, which were more than Lynette and Catherine had, without moaning about it. Hannah Lokshire listened also to the other ladies' explanations with an amused expression, but this sourly had other reasons. Hannah had gotten married when she was eighteen, had become a widow in the age of twenty-one and was living a life which you could probably call "outlawed" since then. She was a beautiful woman with deep-red hair, green eyes and a flattering figure. The men had always been throwing themselves at her feet and she had always known how to wrapping them around her little finger. She enjoyed her existence as a single woman without children and it was an open secret that no unmarried man who pleased her was safe from her and her charm. She maybe was one of the women, married ladies were making derisive remarks about although they wanted to be like her in fact.
But I was actually glad that in the company of two married women, someone was sitting next to me who was also not quiet interested in family-matters like me. But Hannah had the same opinion about me and the men like Theresa did and Lynette and Catherine had hardly talked about their lives before the whole attention turned to me, who had sat there silently the whole time and had sipped from her tea.
"So, tell us about America, Lillian", Hannah started and leaned back in her seat with a big smile on her lips. "Is it there really as uncivilized as they say or why is it that you hadn´t find a man even on the other side of the world?"
I had expected these questions but nevertheless I didn´t know how to answer them. Basically I didn´t want to say anything about this topic and so I shrugged my shoulders. "We had lived miles from anywhere. In the wilderness the population density isn´t quite high."
A compassionate murmur from Lynette and Catherine, an amused laughter from Hannah. "But in the wilderness are the savages. Well, I would have looked out for one of them. Who knows which benefits they have, compared to our men?"
"Hannah!" Lynette looked indignantly to the red-haired who innocently fluttered her eyelashes and drunk her tea. Then her gaze turned to me and her face got a nearly dreamy expression.
"But somehow I imagine it romantic. An impossible love and the lover who sneaks to his beloved by night and climbs into her bedroom."
"Yes and in the end he rescues his dear from her evil relatives who hold her captive. A fairytale comes true." Hannah laughed in amusement and throw a grin to me, what made me hastily brought my cup to my lips, so that she couldn´t see the red on my cheeks. Someone had climbed through my window and someone had eliminated Richard, but it hadn´t had something to do with romance. Nevertheless I felt caught and it hadn´t escaped Hannah´s notice. "Now look at our Lillian", she started and looked me up and down. "You´re hiding something."
"Right! She´s blushing!" Lynette leaned herself forward in excitement and stared at me too, while Catherine bumped me with her toes and demanded: "You have to tell us at least something! We´re listening!"
Now I sat in front of three curious ladies who wanted to hear some sort of tragic, beautiful love story I wouldn´t be able to give them and I didn´t wanted to either. Even Theresa had stopped her activity and had turned her head into our direction, obviously eager to hear something from me. I cleared my throat, put away my cup and gave an apologizing smile to the others. At the moment there was nothing else left for me than one thing: Escaping.
"Pardon me. I´m not feeling well. I´m quiet exhausted and it´s late already." The disappointment in the other´s faces was clearly visible but I had stood up already. "Theresa, is it all right if I go to bed?" The old lady nodded shortly and I smiled in apologize again before I bid farewell and left with hurried steps upstairs to my room.
Only when I had closed the door I allowed myself a sigh of relief. I wouldn´t had been able to leave this situation when I hadn´t told them what they wanted to hear. But there was nothing to tell and I hoped that I hadn´t to listen to these question ever again. I ran my fingers through my hair and cursed silently when I got caught on a hairpin. I went to my washstand and started to undo my hairstyle, when I suddenly saw a movement in the mirror. A shadow which came off a dark corner of the room and approached me. Scared I whirled around and looked into a hood-covered face.