Conquest Chapter 13: Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Special Announcement - After going back and forth, I have decided. I will be writing a Revelation path after I finish the Birthright and Conquest ones. I wasn't sure about it at first, but I have a few ideas that I want to try. However, there is a problem with Revelation. There are just too many characters in Revelation.

I would appreciate if anyone reading this could maybe suggest a few ideas on how to manage so many characters. Normally I use Lilith's Astral Plane as a way to keep characters in the wings. But there are a lot of main characters in Revelation, so I'll need more than that. I can't say I'll use a certain idea, but I'm willing to listen.

Now, enjoy the chapter.

"Wow, Izumo is so beautiful," Corrin said in a hushed tone. Azura nodded, enjoying the scenery herself.

Gunter had his arms folded behind his back, currently doing without his horse. "Izumo is neutral, but we must be on our best behavior all the same. So remember to make a good first impression."

Corrin turned to face her knight, smiling. "I'm not worried at all."

Keaton walked up to Corrin and put an arm around her shoulder. There was a bone sticking out of his mouth. "Hey pals, anyone wanna see this dead guy I found? He was nothing but bones, it was amazing!" He nervously looked around. "I… might have helped myself to one of them…"

Gunter sighed.

"Yo homies wazzup? Welcome to Izana's pad!"

Everyone stood silently before Lord Izana himself. Only Leo seemed to have a response.

"Well, we're two for two on being accommodated by complete lunatics," he said with a smug grin. "Let's visit the Wind Tribe next, I hear they have a ball pit."

Camilla grimaced. "I'm uncomfortable. We should leave."

"Yo don't be rude, homies! I am the host with the most!"

Xander held up his hands. "Archduke Izana, we mean you no harm. Do you struggle with Nohrian? My friend Kaze has been teaching me Hoshidan, perhaps we can try that." The prince immediately cleared his throat. "Buenas tardes, mi amigo. Estas bien?"

Kaze sunk his head into his palms.

"It's a'ight Xander, we cool!"

Elise shrugged. "I don't know what you're all freaking out about, he seems like a great guy!"

"Up high, Princess Elise!" Izana came closer to Elise and extended his palm. "C'mon, don't leave me hanging!"

As Elise left Izana hanging, Azura took it upon herself to salvage this conversation. "So Archduke Izana, we were wondering if you'd be interested in assisting our invasion."

"Nah playa, Izumo is neutral! In fact, it's convenient you're all here," Izana said. "Because I got the Hoshidan royal family showing up too!"

Corrin and Azura's hearts sank in unison. Everyone else seemed vaguely disinterested.

"…You're joking. Right?" Azura asked.

"Right this way, people." Everyone found a servant leading Prince Ryoma into the room. Corrin and Ryoma's eyes met.

"Kamui?!"

"Oh… Hi, Ryoma…"

But that was not enough. With Ryoma were Hinoka, Takumi and Sakura. Everyone stared at each other in shock, though in Takumi's case it was more of a brutal death glare. If looks could kill, Corrin would be a stain on the floor, with assorted limbs strewn about. Izana, of course, ignored this. "Yep, we all have to chill under one roof tonight! The invaders and the invaded! And me! Hit it the music!"

Silas looked over. "Wait, what?"

(laugh track)

[Exterior: A sweeping aerial view of Izumo, followed by a view of Izana's Palace. Followed by a montage of everyone acting in character, until they notice an ostensible cameraman and smile. Even Takumi. Upbeat music is playing.]

FAMILY ISSUES

Crazy Albino Lady: Corrin…
"It's a rare condition, in this day and age-"

Quiet Jerk: Azura…
"-to read any good news on a newspaper page."

Overly Protective Brothers: Xander and Ryoma…
"Love and tradition, of the grand design-"

Ambiguously Amorous Sisters: Camilla and Hinoka…
"-some people say is even harder to find."

Cynical Younger Brothers: Leo and Takumi…
"Well then there must be some magic clue-"

Diabetes-Inducing Sisters: Elise and Sakura…
"-inside these gentle walls!"

The Family Dog: Keaton…
"'Cause all I see is a tower of dreams-"

And Izana, as himself!
"-real love burstin' out of every seam!"

"AS THE DAYS GO BY! We're gonna fill our house with happiness!"
[Montage of everyone trying to kill each other]

"THE MOON MAY CRY! But we'll smother the blues with tenderness!"
[Montage of Corrin's troops squabbling]

"DAYS GO BY, there's room for you, room for me, for gentle hearts an opportunity!"
[Montage of the Nohrian family bonding]

"AS THE DAYS GO BY… it's the bigger love of the family…"
[Izana happily hosts the royals, all glaring at each other.]

[External shot of Izumo at sunset.]

Executive Producer: Ivo "Eggman" Robotnik

Leo was minding his own business and walked through a courtyard, until he happened upon Takumi practicing archery. He noticed that the targets all had drawings of the Nohrian insignia, while the other had poorly drawn faces with long hair and pointed ears.

"…So you're the other prince, right? Prince Takumi?"

"GRRRRRRR!"

"Oh, oh wow, no I am not sticking around for this conversation. Have fun."

Camilla and Hinoka were awkwardly sharing a sitting room together, with Camilla clearly not used to sitting on her knees. "Hmm… This armor wasn't meant for this…"

"You call that armor?" Hinoka accused. "Then why does it leave so many sensitive spots vulnerable? What kind of fighter are you?!"

The purple-haired woman gave her red-haired counterpart a smug look. "I seem to recall you losing, back in the Sevenfold Sanctuary. But enough about that. We're in Izana's territory, so there's no need to trade barbs. Unless you start it. Let's talk about other things."

"You mean like how Kamui should have been raised with us?!"

Camilla shook her head. "More like sewing. Do you like sewing?"

"…No."

"Well it's never too late to learn. Would you like me to show you?"

Hinoka sighed. "Whatever."

Sakura wandered down a hall to look for Corrin, when Elise's voice made her turn around. "Stop right there, you little hoochee!"

"Wh-what did you call me?"

"…I actually don't know," Elise admitted with a shrug. "Niles taught me that word. But anyway, I see what you're doing! You want to win Corrin back!"

Sakura lowered her head. "O-oh… I'm sorry…"

The Nohrian princess smugly folded her arms. "It's okay, now you know. Now go and do… Hoshidan things."

The pink-haired princess began to sniffle. "I… I just miss my big sister…"

"What?! You already have a big sister!"

"B-b-but-" Sakura seemed seconds away from having a panic attack. "I just meant…"

Elise shook her head and waved her hands, as if setting down the rules. "Look. After we defeat the evil cowboy monster replacing my father, maybe you can talk to Corrin again."

Then confusion replaced despondence. "Wait, what?"

"You heard me!"

Suddenly, Leo appeared. "Hey Elise, can I join this conversation? My counterpart is- Oh hello." He smiled. "Which princess is this again?"

Elise turned around, and Sakura snuck off. "Leo, stop butting into conversations! This is why Niles and Odin are your only friends!"

"They're not my only friends!"

Elise was confident. "Really? Name two more friends."

"Gladly. First, there's… Um-"

(laugh track)

"Be quiet, I'm thinking!" Leo scolded. But then his face changed. "Wait, what were you talking about before I rounded the corner? A… cowboy monster replacing our father?"

Elise's heart skipped a beat. "Huh?! O-oh, you… you must've misheard me! I was just talking about… Corrin's secret plan! WAIT NO I WASN'T!"

Leo narrowed his eyes. "I think we need to talk, Elise."

Finally, Corrin was standing in an empty room, thinking to herself.

Okay… I haven't been allowed near my other family without my Nohrian siblings keeping an eye on me. Where'd Azura go? She could help. The others don't seem as protective of her.

"Little Princess?" Xander worriedly asked, poking his head into the room.

"Aaah! You surprised me…"

The prince chuckled as he walked into the room. "Apologies. You've been on edge since we'd arrived, so I got worried."

"Well… yeah!" Corrin frowned at her big brother. "Xander, I know our situation, but… Haven't you once thought about this from my perspective? You know I love all of you, but it wasn't easy to make that choice."

Xander shrugged. "Seemed easy to me. If I were in your position, I would have easily sided with the family who'd raised me. It's unfortunate for the Hoshidans, yes, but that's life."

"It's… Ugh. Nothing good has come from this war," Corrin lamented. "I love Nohr, but do we need this much bloodshed?"

"Corrin… I think-"

"GUESS WHO!"

The siblings turned to find Ryoma in the doorway. The Nohrian glared. "It's you."

"IT'S ME! GOODBYE!"

Ryoma tackled Xander, knocking him away from Corrin. "Hello, Kamui. It is I, your better older brother. Nice armor. Is it Nohrian? Nohrian armor is tasteless in design, but you pull it off well. Must be due to your noble Hoshidan lineage? Eh? Eh?"

Corrin sighed.

"Eh?"

Xander recovered. "Enough, you crustacean."

"I have nothing to say to you, cur." Ryoma stared coldly. "You'd regret fighting me. It would be brutal. I'd wait in place for 25 minutes before finally attacking!"

Then Xander blinked. "…Why?"

"Hmm?"

"Why would you stand still for that long? Why not fight me immediately?"

"Because… Bushido… and… things."

"Right…"

Corrin sighed. "It's too bad we can't take advantage of this neutral situation." She feigned defeat. "Yep. Too bad we can't discuss matters civilly. Guess we'll just waste lives and resources on a war." No reaction. "You know what? I've seen a lot of ways that Nohr and Hoshido are similar." I wonder if I can put the idea in Xander's head… "In fact, if one didn't know better, one might think Father was the only reason for this war."

"Father is a glorious paragon, Corrin," Xander scolded. "He's perfect!"

"No, Subaki is perfect!" countered Ryoma.

Corrin winced. Every time Nohrian officials had described Garon, they would inevitably concede that he was despicable. But apparently not Xander. Gods! What's it gonna take?!

"'Sup playas!" Izana's presence snapped the three royals from their thoughts. "This be nice, but we're done here. Guards, show Ryoma we mean business!"

Immediately, Nohrian Generals appeared and restrained Ryoma. "What's going on here?! An ambush?! You fiends!"

"Hey, I didn't know about this!" Xander admitted. "Still hate you, but I am interested in fairness."

The guards dragged Ryoma away, and Izana cackled. With a puff of smoke, it was revealed that 'Izana' was actually a Nohrian Dark Mage in red clothes. Xander narrowed his eyes. "Zola… Father's least favorite court mage."

"Lord Xander my homie-"

"Quit with the absurd speech patterns!" Xander threatened.

"Oh fine, so I thought I'd exaggerate my Izana performance. But it was a very minor exaggeration!"

Corrin blinked. "What's this about?"

"Oh, it's simple, really," Zola said pleasantly. "About a month ago, I broke in, locked Izana up, impersonated him, and lured the Hoshidans into a trap. Brilliant, right?"

She gasped. "Zola, that's dirty!"

"We're in a war!"

"But to drag Izumo into this…" Xander shook his head. "You've hit a new low. What will the other neutral territories think?"

"Whatever! I'm off to prepare the execution! Hoohoohoo! Death awaits! I bet the littlest one is crying right now!"

Corrin tightened her fists. "So help me, Zola…!"

...

Sakura was sniffling.

"Y-your onion smells fine, Hinoka… It's making my eyes teary, though."

"Oh, sorry."

…

Zola waved his hands and vanished. Corrin worriedly looked to Xander. "I know what you're thinking, but we have to save them!"

Xander put a finger to his chin. "…As much as it would help our conquest, I agree that Zola's plan is dishonorable." The prince smiled toward his little sister. "And though I pledged loyalty to Father… he isn't here, is he?"

The smile proved infectious. "…No, no he's not."

As Corrin and Xander ran through the halls, a team of Nohrian Generals ambushed them. Xander glowered at them all. "I order you all to stand down!"

"Yeeeah, see… Zola said we'd get raises if we followed his plan… so we're just gonna kill you guys and use that as a reason to execute the Hoshidans."

Corrin gasped. "How dare…"

Suddenly, Jakob walked up to one of the Generals and tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around. "Yeah, what do you want?!"

"This." Jakob jabbed a dagger through the face hole in the General's helmet.

"OHHHHHHH!"

Before the other Generals could harm Jakob, Kaze materialized and struck down another, while a few arrows took out the remaining Generals. Corrin and Xander looked, finding that Anna had done the deed. The three then gathered closer to Xander and Corrin. Kaze smiled.

"How may we help, Lady Corrin?"

Corrin looked around. "Find where they're keeping the Hoshidan royal family, and set them free. Zola and his men have gone too far. Do you know where anyone else is right now?"

Jakob pointed into the distance. "Felicia followed Flora into the kitchen. The old man already told us about the situation and went to inform your other siblings. And I'm sure Keaton is off being a mongrel somewhere."

"And Silas…" Anna trailed off. "Actually, I don't know where he went. Let's not worry about it."

"Okay… Jakob, Anna, you go with Kaze. Xander and I will grab Felicia and Flora, then find Zola."

Keaton walked up to a pair of Generals blocking a door. "Hey! You guys got food in there?"

"Hah! Only if you'd eat the Hoshidan royal family!"

The Wolfssegner stood still for a minute. "…Well, I'd try anything once…"

Jakob powerwalked up to the scene, with Anna and Kaze covering him from behind. "You two! Release those prisoners at once!"

"Ha! And what are you gonna do if we don't, butler man?" Jakob glared, but Keaton stepped between him and the Generals.

"Nah, don't worry about it, man. Watch this! Aroooooo!" Keaton belted out a howl, assuming his monster form. "Hunting Party!" Immediately, the wolf monster ran over to the Generals and picked them both up in his meaty arms. He smashed the two together repeatedly before throwing them aside.

Anna whistled in awe. "Dang. Can we just let this guy fight the war for us? I think we'd still win!"

Kaze casually walked past Jakob and Keaton and prepared to unlock the door. "Okay, everyone. Let's try not to antagonize the royals, okay? They're not likely to trust us."

"Well we are going to invade them, soon," Anna reminded the ninja. "Say, you think we could tell them about Corrin's plan?"

"The plan?" Keaton repeated. Anna gave him a look.

"You know about the plan, Keaton! I've told you this!"

"You told Keaton?!" Jakob asked.

"Well yeah! We can trust Keaton!"

"Yeah, you can trust me! …What was the plan, again?"

"Anyway," Kaze interrupted the conversation, "they would never believe us, nor would the panicked Hoshidan public believe them. Especially not if they see me as a traitor. We'll just have to let this play out."

Xander miraculously found his horse and began riding through the halls, taking down any challenger. Behind him, Corrin and Felicia were dragging Flora by her hands. "Corrin, I had to help them! They don't know what this army likes to eat! Ack! I'm seeing mud on the floor! Is Lord Xander's horse tracking mud?!"

Felicia looked over. "Geez, calm down, Flora! We gotta stop the evil rapping wizard from killing Lady Corrin's Hoshidan family!"

"We need you focused, Flora!"

"But… the mud…"

"Just… uh… Zola did it!" Corrin lied. "He left a big mud puddle for Sieghorse to run through!"

Flora sighed. "You're a horrible liar, Corrin."

Finally, Xander, Corrin and the maids made it to Izana's throne room, where Zola was sitting. "Aaah! Why are you still alive?!"

"Because we know how to fight, instead of hiding behind Generals," Xander answered. He pointed Siegfried in the sorcerer's direction. "This is your one and only chance to surrender, Zola! We will make your execution quick and painless if you do."

Corrin gasped. "Xander, do we really have to kill him?!"

"Yes, Corrin." The prince kept his eyes trained on Zola, yet spoke to Corrin. "He will tell Father about this, if we allow him to live."

"What if we trap him in Lilith's realm?"

Xander finally broke concentration and turned to Corrin. "Wait, does this have to do with Lilith being a dragon or something? How does that work, anyw-"

"FIMBULVETR!" Zola took the opportunity and shot ice shards at Xander.

"Aaaah!"

"Hoyhoyhoyhoy!"

Felicia gasped. "He used ice magic! He must be from our village!"

"No, he clearly just used an Ice Tome," Flora explained. "But still, that means we can beat him at his own game!"

Zola looked over. "Why are those maids talking like they stand a chance? And why do I believe them?"

Flora and Felicia both held out the arms and shouted at once, "Freeze!"

Harsh, cold winds flew toward Zola, forcing him to shut his eyes. He began to flail in an attempt to move out of the wind, but then ice appeared on his body. Soon, he was completely encased in ice.

"Well, I guess that takes care of Zola," said Corrin.

Camilla's voice interrupted. "Not quite. HA!"

Suddenly, a fireball flew through the air over Corrin's head and homed in on Zola, melting the ice- and the man himself.

"THIS IS HOTTER THAN MY ALBUMS! PEACE OOOOOOOOOUT!"

Corrin winced, as Camilla obliviously walked up rested a hand on her shoulder. "There we go. I took care of the bad man for you, Corrin." She looked over. "Honestly, you're better than that, Xander."

"…Silence."

Meanwhile Felicia shivered. "I don't know why, but watching him burn to death just gave me a horrible feeling…"

"It was rather brutal," Flora said.

"No, I mean… You ever get déjà vu for something that definitely never happened?"

"Um, no…"

The half-dragon sighed. "I suppose it was unavoidable…"

"Look on the bright side," Camilla told her, "apparently Lord Izana was kept locked up with the Hoshidans, and we saved him! He's sure to think highly of Nohr now!"

"After Nohrians took him hostage?" Flora countered. "I'd say it's a wash."

Later that night, all the Nohrians and Izumites were invited to a feast, held by Izana himself. At the largest table, the Archduke sat with the royals from both families. And Azura. Corrin observed, for the first time, that Hinoka, Takumi and Sakura were in different clothes. They had found their own Master Seals.

"Azura, where were you this whole time?" Corrin asked.

"I fell asleep."

"Ugh…"

Takumi was still giving all the Nohrians an intense death glare. It was almost as though Oboro were giving him lessons. "I'm not thankful! I hate you all! You're evil! You should all die!"

Izana giggled. "Haha, easy there, Prince Takumi! You gotta enjoy life, man!"

"SILENCE!"

Even Ryoma and Hinoka were getting a little uncomfortable. The princess cleared her throat. "Anyway… yeah, you really should've kept a better eye on that wizard of yours."

"Honestly, we tended to forget Zola even existed, when he was with us at the castle," Camilla admitted.

Corrin sheepishly looked at her Hoshidan family. "Um… I'm glad you guys are safe…"

"HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO US?!" Takumi raged. Ryoma looked at him.

"Can you not?"

Izana looked at Takumi with curiosity, yet said nothing. Then Corrin cleared her throat. "Uh, anyway… Despite how weird it is that we're all eating a meal together, I'm glad we are." She smiled sadly. "It's… nice to spend time with all nine of you."

"Ohoho! You flatter me, Princess Corrin! We've only just met!" Izana stated. Corrin frowned.

"Um… Actually, Azura was the ninth."

The songstress smiled for once. "Hey, thanks Corrin. That was nice of you."

"I-I'm glad, too," Sakura said. "E-even though I don't agree with your decision… y-you seem happy, Kamui." Sakura was giving a small smile. Until Takumi ruined it.

"Yeah, happy that she's not with us! Because she hates us!"

"No, that's not it!" Corrin tried to defend herself. "Look, I-"

"Hold on," Xander interrupted. "Corrin, you feel the need to justify yourself? What for? You did nothing wrong."

"Well… you have to admit; it was at least a little bit of a gray area…"

"No it wasn't."

Corrin sighed. "Well… that's just your opinion."

"That's what people say when they know they've lost, Corrin."

She ignored Xander. "Sakura, don't listen to them, I'm actually happy to see you."

Sakura smiled again, but then Elise ruined that too. "No! I told you! You can wait until after we invade you before you get to have family time with Corrin!"

Leo glared. "Elise, could you perhaps not yell at the cute one? UH I meant… the… mute one. She's, uh, so quiet, you can hardly tell she's talking… heh… heh… You all bought that, right?"

Ryoma had a look of clarity. "Wait… invasion… SHOOT!" He quickly grabbed his plate's food in his hands and shoved it all into his mouth. He swallowed it and stood up. "We have to go prepare for the invasion! Sakura! Takumi! Hinoka! Let's go!"

Ryoma bolted out of the room. Sakura squeaked in fear, when Hinoka stood up and took her out of the room. Takumi followed, but never broke eye contact with Corrin… until he tripped.

(laugh track)

The next day, everyone was all set to leave the palace.

"WAAAAAAIT!" Everyone turned around and saw Izana running up to meet them. "You guys saved my life! How's about I join you? It'll be fun! I can tell you all about Hoshidan things!"

Leo raised an eyebrow. "Is that to say that Izumo will lend its support to Nohr?"

"Naaaah! It's just me! I can't let my people run into battle unprepared!" Izana explained. "Besides, I'm… interested in a few things, and helping you guys will answer my questions! Like that pineapple kid. Something's up with him, it's cra-zy! So whaddaya say?"

Corrin looked around. Everyone had mixed expressions. Her siblings in particular looked unsavory toward the idea. But then, she remembered how they threw a potential ally off the boat without even bothering to ask her.

"Welcome aboard, Izana!"

"Coolio! My magic will help you guys big time! Now let's go invade my neighbors! I know a shortcut through the forest!"

To be continued.

Post-Script A/N:

And just like in the Birthright fic, Izana joins immediately after the trip to Izumo. Fun fact, this is also when, in-game, Flora becomes available. But more importantly, we now have all the Conquest units who will be appearing in this story.

Rival armies have had neutral intermingling in history, so this chapter's events aren't that odd, all things considered. But it did still feel a little... sitcom-esque. So for that reason I aped the Family Matters opening, and inserted a laugh track into the chapter. "Family Matters" was my original name for the chapter. This actually isn't the first time I've depicted the Conquest Izumo chapter, the entire third chapter of Forsaken (my Conquest-Sakura-AU fic) is centered around here. Keaton had a cameo in that chapter, and that's the reason he's in this chapter.

I gave all the royals a chance to interact with their counterparts, though Takumi wasn't up for it. Camilla tries to recreate her Revelation support with Hinoka, Elise gives Sakura an insult right out of Lufia 2, and Leo apparently has a crush on Sakura. Also, the big brothers reenact one of the Old Spice commercials. One big change, demonstrated by Elise, Anna and Keaton, is that several of Corrin's troops know about the master plan of getting Garon to the throne. That will be discussed in more detail in the next chapter.

Ultimately, I am a little unhappy with this chapter. There were some parts I had to remove in order to keep this chapter at a comparable length to the Birthright fic. And it was easier to subtract from this chapter than to add filler to the Birthright chapter. I like to make the chapters roughly equal in length. Not exactly equal, but in the general ballpark.

Next time, Izana leads everyone into the Kitsune lair.