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Author's Note: This is my back to school special, because today I went back to school again. (My schedule is pretty good, and I don't have nearly as much homework as I did on the first day of school last year, which might be an auspicious omen.) For those of you who are wondering, that means that updates probably will occur less frequently, owing to my workload, and college application pressure out my every orifice, however if you review, I might be motivated to update sooner, because I have an ego.
Quidditch Trials and Potions Tests
"Life sucks," complained James Potter, as he, Remus, Sirius, and Peter settled themselves on the floor of the Gryffindor common room by the roaring fire, where it was warm, something that was appreciated now that there was a definite chill to the brisk, crisp autumn days, to do their homework on a Tuesday evening in mid-October.
"Is there any particular reason why you felt compelled to make such a depressed assertion, or are you just channeling Remus, the perpetual pessimist?" Sirius inquired, flipping disinterestedly through his Transfiguration textbook, and demonstrating his complete lack of motivation to finish, or even start, for that matter, his essay for the aforementioned subject. "This is the dumbest idea anyone, including Peter, has ever come up with― writing papers. I mean, I already know how to perform these spells. I accomplished it in class, so why must I waste so much parchment writing about the theory, when I already know about the practice?"
"You may know the practice without the theory behind it now," reasoned Remus absently, as he scribbled the conclusion of his Transfiguration essay, which was due the following day, suppressing his jealousy at the fact that James and Sirius studied far less than he did but still managed to attain scores as excellent or better than his on practical Transfiguration work, although their written achievements were far less spectacular. "However, eventually, the coursework will probably become so difficult that even you and James will have to learn the theory before you can ever hope to accomplish the goal in practice. As such, it would be advantageous for you to learn the basic theory now, so you'll have a foundation on which to comprehend more complex magical theory later."
"Thanks, Professor Lupin the Perpetual Pessimist," teased Sirius, and Peter, who had been wearing a bemused expression as he attempted to understand the Transfiguration chapter he was reading, since neither theoretical nor practical magic came naturally, or at all, to him, laughed obediently, as he always did whenever James or Sirius jested. However, James didn't brighten. Instead, he continued to stare darkly into the depths of the blazing red-orange flames before them.
"I'm not a pessimist," mumbled Remus in a feeble defense, embarrassed by the fun Sirius and Peter were enjoying at his expense. "I'm a realist, that's all."
Before Sirius could reply, James, who seemed to have ignored their exchange entirely as he sought wisdom from the cackling fire, asked vaguely, "Did any of you happen to read the notice board today?"
"No," Sirius answered for all of them, shaking his head, and causing a comma of raven-colored hair to flop onto his forehead, where he permitted it to remain, doubtlessly, because it contributed an appropriate careless element to his handsome appearance. "I don't look at it for the same reason I refuse to subscribe to a newspaper, because knowing just how messed up the world is just upsets when I can't do anything to change what's going on yet, and, so, therefore, no news is good news."
"I had to check the bulletin board, because I want to try out for the Quidditch team," explained James, his tone less absent, while Remus completed his Transfiguration assignment, and took out his Potions textbook, so he could study for the practical Potions exam they had tomorrow. "Anyway, trials are Friday evening at six o'clock."
"What is the problem with that?" Peter frowned, his forehead knitting as it typically did when he strove for deep or logical thought.
"Wow, Peter, it's obvious that Ravenclaw lost a genius when you were made a Gryffindor, that's for sure," noted James sardonically. "As those of us with more than two semi-functioning brain cells are aware, Sirius and I have detention at that same time as a penalty for sneaking out in the middle of the night under my Invisibility Cloak and affixing Drooble's Best Blowing Gum to all the telescope lenses. How were we supposed to know that Filch would have Dumbledore trace the fingerprints on the gum? Thank God, though, nobody knows about the Cloak yet, because it would be three times harder to make mischief if we couldn't rely upon that wild card up our sleeves."
"Maybe you can postpone your detention by agreeing to do two of them, or something," suggested Sirius, as Remus struggled to focus on his review of the three potions from which Slughorn would pick to test them upon the following morning. "We can use our bewitched mirrors to communicate, like we always do when they separate us, so it won't be that much different than usual, after all."
"Is eleven your age or your IQ?" James fixed a wilting look upon his best mate."We're serving detention with Flich, who's making us clean Moaning Myrtle's bathroom with toothbrushes because supposedly that'll teach us not to desecrate our school, although all it will teach me is to utilize magic to tidy up a restroom, not a toothbrush, and he wouldn't let me off of detention even if I offered to serve fifty more in its stead. He's the sort of scrooge that would force his own mother to sign a requisition form for water if she were dying of thirst, for Christ's sake."
"Yeah, well, trust you to bring up IQs, because we all know it's the largest word you can spell," retorted Sirius, although he, apparently, had found no grounds on which to dispute the body of the other's case, for he made no further contradictions, leaving James with no recourse but to return the insult to his intelligence.
"And the only way you'd get an IQ score of eleven is if you took the test twice, and added the scores together," James returned heatedly.
"Whereas if you received an IQ of eleven, you'd have to grow one more finger, just so you could count the correct number," rejoined Sirius.
At this juncture, Remus got exasperated with attempting to study through the squabble that was raging around him, and glanced up from his book. "James," he commented, "I'm sorry you won't be able to play on the team, but they're will be six other years, remember."
"I know they're will be six other years that I can be a member of the team," grumped James, who seemed determined to be as gloomy and peevish as possible, "but I wanted to make the team this year, so that I could be the only first-year to play on a House team in about sixty years. Now, that's a record worth breaking, if you ask me."
"It's a pity that you won't be able to shatter that record, but you'll break others on the Quidditch pitch throughout your career here," Remus reassured him. More pragmatically, he added, "Besides, as you already pointed out so eloquently, you can't do anything to change the circumstances surrounding your inability to attend the trials, so you may as well accept the fact that you can't, and move on. Now, I'll tell you something that you can do."
"What's that?" James arched his eyebrows at him, obviously torn between interest and impatience.
"You can help me study for the Potions exam tomorrow." As he established as much, Remus proffered his text to the other lad.
"Why should I bother doing that?" mumbled James, turning dispiritedly to the pages in the tome that Remus had marked for studying. "You already know how to concoct all three of these potions, so why do you need to go over them again, anyhow?"
"I still have trouble creating the Babbling Beverage," Remus contested, barely managing to catch the textbook as James tossed it back, aiming for his skull. "Every time I get to step ten, the potion refuses to turn the correct sheen."
"Oh, no, then you'll only get a ninety-five out of one hundred on the test, and wouldn't that be a shame?" James smirked.
Ceding the fact that James was as likely as Snape to aid him in preparing for tomorrow's exam, Remus focused his attention on Sirius, instead. "Would you care to help me?" he asked, holding out the Potions book. "It'll assist you in reviewing, as well, after all."
"I don't need to study that codswallop," Sirius replied, as he finally began penning his Transfiguration essay with a revolted expression on his face, as though the parchment he was writing on had been vomited by some stranger. "I already know most of it, and what I don't know, I'll make up on the fly. Even if I didn't know anything about what we're going to be tested upon tomorrow, I wouldn't be afraid of failing, because Slughorn adores me, so he wouldn't give me anything less than a passing mark, most likely a high one at that. Speaking of which, Slughorn is fond of you, too, so why are you fretting?"
"Because I want to do really well, not just adequately, and I want to do well in a fair manner, not because I'm a teacher's pet," explained Remus, scratching his nose, as he scanned over the directions to concoct the Babbling Beverage, and concluded that reviewing in this fashion was futile. After all, when he had last made the Babbling Beverage, he had followed these instructions exactly, and they hadn't done him any good when he reached step ten, and it wouldn't be of any service tomorrow either. Exasperated, he threw down his book, which skidded across the floor, stopping only when it smacked into James' shoe, and grumbled, "Forget it. No matter how many times I look over this, it won't be of any help. I already have it hammered into my head, and it won't work for me."
"Go and see Slughorn, then," suggested James, kicking Remus' textbook back to him. "He'll be happy to help one of his little princes."
"There's only fifteen minutes remaining until curfew," Remus responded. "I can't get down there, speak to him, and make it back here in that amount of time, and I don't want to be caught out after curfew."
"Gosh, Peter's stupidity must be contagious, because you and Sirius have both caught it," stated James, twisting Sirius' Transfiguration paper so that it was tilted in a manner that allowed him to read it, so he could borrow some of his best mate's ideas. "You can ask for a pass, and he'll give it to you. He doesn't like turning down the requests of any of his pets, and who could refuse an innocent one like that?"
"True, but even if I did go it would be pointless, because he'll only repeat what's in the textbook, then laugh, and announce that he'll do me a favor, and pick a different potion to quiz us on, and that's not what I want to happen." Remus shook his head, after a moment's consideration.
"Well, if all you're going to do is complain, shut up," Sirius commanded, snatching his homework back from James. To the boy who had attempted to steal his work, he added, "Potter, if you want to copy my work, then you'd better let me have access to that Charms paper you wrote."
Remus did not hear James' retort, because his attention was diverted when the portrait hole opened, and Lily and her closest Gryffindor companion, Alice Wright, entered the common room, returning from the library if the literature piled in their arms were any indicators. Lily's arrival prompted a brilliant solution to form in Remus' mind. Although Slughorn would not be able to assist him, because he followed Jigger's recipe, Lily might be capable of aiding him, since her Potions assignments always ended up perfectly, and she would possibly be willing to offer him advice or alternative directions to get past step ten of the Babbling Potion.
"Excuse me," he excused himself from his comrades, shoving himself to his feet, and grabbing his quill, and a scroll of parchment. "Slughorn might not be able to assist me, but I know somebody who can."
Without waiting for a reply, he crossed the room, striding over to Alice and Lily, who were heading over to one of the spindly tables in the corner of the common room. "Hi, Alice, and Lily," he greeted them, as he joined them.
"Hey, Remus," the two girls answered in one voice, displaying the tendency of simultaneous speech that was the trademark of best buddies around the globe.
"Lily, would you be willing to help me study for the Potions exam we have tomorrow?" he asked, once the pleasantries were complete, figuring that he wouldn't hold her up anymore than he had to. After all, she probably would rather spend her time with Alice than she would with him, and then he could return to James, Sirius, and Peter before James murdered him for being with his crush for such a long time.
For a moment, Lily faltered, gazing guiltily at her friend. "I'd be happy to help you, but I promised Alice that I'd play chess with her once we were done with our homework, and―"
"Oh, don't worry about it, Lil," Alice interjected, her round face as cheery as always. "Marlene, Mary, and Sharon are almost finished with their Exploding Snap game. Maybe they'll deal me in for the next round. Yeah, I'll play cards with them while you and Remus study together. Personally, I think I've got the better end of the arrangement, because after I'll that studying, I couldn't bear to crack another book. Well, bye. Good luck to you both."
With a final smile and wave, Alice sailed over to sit beside Sharon Gray on the sofa across from Marlene and Mary Macdonald. Lily's eyes trailed her, obviously ascertaining that she would indeed be fine, but she seemed reassured when she spotted the warm reception Alice received when she plopped down next to Sharon.
"Right, that's settled, then," observed Lily briskly. She dumped her books on the table, and slipped into a chair. As Remus situated himself across from her, she inquired, "So, what would you like my help on, anyway?"
"The Babbling Potion," he confessed. "I can't figure out how to make the potion turn the correct shade once I get to step ten, and I've no notion of why that is, since I'm doing everything Jigger directs, so, I thought that maybe you could explain to me what I ought to do."
The last clause emerged from his lips as a mumble, because he was now convinced that he was requesting that she cheat for him, and that was not something he would want to do, even if it wasn't against school rules. Luckily, she didn't seem to perceive it as such, or if she did, she didn't care, for she declared with a grin, "I'll do more than that. I'll show you how to create a Babbling Beverage that is as great or better than Jigger's, and can be concocted in less time."
"Thanks." Remus smiled shyly at her. It was odd to be the tutored, instead of the tutor, but she didn't make him feel dumb or ignorant with her kindness and eagerness to aid him.
"It's nothing," she assured him. "Now, for step one, follow all of Jigger's instructions, but remember to add a sprig of holly."
"A sprig of holly," repeated Remus, as he copied what she said on his piece of parchment, so that he would be able to look over it again before Potions lesson tomorrow. "Got that."
"For step two, do exactly as Jigger says," she went on, as Remus' quill scratched away wildly to record her every word. "As for step three, replace the bicorn hair with the same measure of unicorn hair, because it heightens the effects of the potion, as unicorn hair is far more potent than bicorn hair is. When you get step four..."
Her explanation of what to do at step four was chopped off abruptly when an explosion rocked through the common room. Glancing up from his note-taking in alarm at the sudden noise that had engulfed the chamber, Remus discovered that, apparently, James and Sirius were unable to continue to do their homework assignments for such a lengthy stretch of time. Therefore, they had elected to steal a textbook from a pimply second-year boy with legs and arms that were thinner than popsicle sticks, and, as such, couldn't combat them effectively, and had attached a Fillibuster Firework to its spine.
"Those two are proof that infanticide should be legal in England," Lily sighed, as the whole common room, she and Remus included, gaped at the Beginner's Guide to Transfiguration that was whizzing about, shooting off the stone walls, and emitting vivid sparkles in all the hues on the color wheel, before finally crashing into a window, breaking it, and soaring out onto the grounds. A vast majority of the Gryffindors clustered in the room chuckled, and applauded, jokingly demanding an encore, but Lily merely glowered.
"They aren't that bad," Remus feebly strove to defend James and Sirius, but she wouldn't accept his plea on their behalf.
"If they were any worse, I'd insist on a House transfer." Lily shook her head distastefully, as the scrawny lad whose textbook had been ruined beyond even magical repair by James and Sirius, who were chortling uproariously in their positions by the fireplace, tentatively approached the older boys, knowing that although he was older than they were, they were not social outcasts like he was, and demanded in a quavering tone that they pay recompense for his damaged property. However, Sirius flatly refused to pay up, and James ruled that only way he would give the second-year cash was if he promised to employ it to find a decent pimple remover, or, that failing, a mask to conceal his ugly face behind. "Oh, I can't tolerate them! They're so immature. I mean, that poor boy probably realizes that he has acne, and feels awful about it. They don't have to go and rub his nose in the fact, and make him even less self-confident. Why the heck must they dim somebody else's flame to increase the light of their own, huh?"
"And why on earth does a friendly, quiet, studious boy like you hang out with them, Remus?" she added more mildly, before he could respond to her previous grievances.
"They're my friends," he shrugged, providing the simple reason for his behavior.
"I know that," she growled. "For your information, I have more wit than a speck of dirt. I was wondering why in the world you'd choose to be friends with them, actually." As he opened his mouth to reply, she raised a hand to curtail him. "Listen, you don't have to hang out with them. There are other people you could be buddies with, instead."
"Yeah, Jeffrey and I really would have hit it off, if his mum hadn't been murdered by Death Eaters a week ago, and his dad hadn't decided to home school him, instead, because, clearly Jeffrey's father is loads better at defensive magic than Dumbledore is," agreed Remus with more than a trace of sarcasm.
"You could be friends with guys from other Houses, and you've got Marlene, who's a really nice girl," persisted Lily, pretending not to notice his attitude.
"Yes, I have Marlene, and I'll never let her go, but now I also have James, Sirius, and Peter to hang around with, as well," Remus informed her. "Don't judge James and Sirius so harshly, since they are pretty good blokes."
"Blackhole made Snape's teeth into fangs in the corridor yesterday, and Pothead hexed Snape with such a horrible rash on Friday that he still has the marks of it on his wrists." Lily's emerald eyes narrowed menacingly. "How is that good, Lupin?"
Remus flinched, because she hadn't ever addressed him by his surname before, and now was not the time he wished for her to commence doing so, since he really needed her assistance with Potions, but he couldn't permit her to maintain such a one-dimensional interpretation of the scenes she referred to, either. After all, James and Sirius were his mates, and he was obliged to defend them. Sure, they had been wrong to curse Snape, as that was puerile and against school regulations, but there had been mitigating circumstances...
"Sirius cursed Snape, because Snape hexed Peter, and James attacked Snape, because Snape chose to levitate him in another corridor on Thursday," he reminded her, his voice more arctic than he had planned it to be. However, he was unable to correct himself, as words continued toppling out of his mouth, "Convince your buddy Snape to stop hexing James and his friends, and they'll stop cursing him and his gang of junior Death Eaters."
"Don't accuse Sev of being a Death Eater in training," hissed Lily, her eyes sizzling. "He's not any such thing, you know, and the only reason you dare to say such a hateful thing is because you disliked him from the moment you two met on the train, and he showed you all the places where Jigger was incorrect!"
"All right, chill out, and tell me what to do when I get to step four," Remus capitulated, upraising his hands in a gesture of his complete surrender.
Unfortunately for him, Lily was too incensed to listen to anything that came out of his mouth, and ranted on, "I suppose it never entered your mind that he was perfectly kind to me, even though I am a Muggleborn, and Death Eaters are supposed to dream of murdering those of us with impure blood. You don't know anything about what he's endured, so how dare you pass judgment upon him! You don't know how poor his family was, how his father verbally abused him and his mum every time he had too much to drink, which was often, how his dad would throw whiskey bottles at them when he got furious, how his dad's beer belly swallowed all the money that either of his parents earned, or how the neighborhood kids used to laugh until their faces turned blue when they saw him in his horrid old hand-me-downs. You can't understand how much he just wanted to escape all that, and couldn't wait to find refuge at Hogwarts, away from the broken bottles, the shouts, and the mockery. If he is a little messed up because of that, it's not his fault, since it's to be expected in conditions like those, and he could be a whole lot worse. After all, he's never hurt me or anything!"
Remus decided not to mention that the only reason that Snape was polite to Lily was because the other boy was attracted to her, since he understood that it would serve only to add fuel to the fire that was already blazing inside her with enough fury to heat the entire castle and the village of Hogsmeade to boot. In fact, he didn't even have the opportunity to insert a sentence in edgewise, because Lily finished dramatically, "I won't help you if you're going to be mean about Sev, as he contributed many ideas to my modifications of Jigger's recipe, and you certainly aren't worthy of his aid when you say such nasty things about him."
In a wink of an eye, before Remus could fling out a hand to halt her movements, she had snatched up his parchment, shredded it, and flung the pieces towards the fire, which she missed, due to distance and tears of ire that obscured her vision.
"Figure out how to get a perfect score on your Potions test all by yourself," she barked at him, launching herself out of her seat, and stalking over to the other four Gryffindor first-year girls. "I'm going to play chess with Alice, and don't bother me again this evening, unless you want me to prove that I can hex as well as any of your dumb friends, even if I'm not an arrogant toerag who loves showing off."
"Well, that was a blast," murmured Remus, watching as Lily grasped Alice's wrist, and dragged her over to play chess at another table. "However, Exploding Snap would be a more apt choice, given your mood."
Once Lily was safely away from Marlene, Remus hurried over to sit beside her, not ready to return to the Marauders after that humiliating scene he was sure the whole common room could hear.
"It's the end of the round, isn't it?" he asked Marlene, Mary, and Sharon as he settled onto the sofa to Marlene's left.
"It is now that Alice has departed, yes." Sharon nodded her head affirmatively.
"Marvelous," pronounced Remus, and Marlene arched her eyebrows at him, clearly questioning whether she should contact St. Mungo's mental health division on her friend's behalf, or not. "The four of us can have a tournament, then. Now, for the semi-finals, we'll have two games, where Mary and Sharon versus each other, and Marlene and I versus each other. Whoever wins goes onto the finals, and whoever emerges the victor from that game is the uncontested champion. What do you say?"
The three girls shrugged in assent, and Sharon pulled a deck of cards out of her robes, so that she and Mary could play with that set, while Marlene and Remus employed the other deck.
"I gather that this is all a ruse so you can chat with me alone," noted Marlene, as she shuffled the cards. Once she had done so to her satisfaction, she proffered them, ordering, "Cut."
"I wanted to make sure that you knew that Quidditch try-outs were on Friday at six o'clock," he educated her.
"I imagine that it might come as a major shock to you, but I can read the notices as well as you can." Marlene rolled her eyes in exasperation as she dealt the cards. "As such, yep, I do know that the trials are on Friday, but thanks for treating me like an illiterate idiot."
"You're most welcome," he answered primly, choosing to deliberately ignore the irony flooding her tone like a hurricane while he checked his cards, and saw that he had a decent hand. "By the way, I'll be there in the stands, cheering you on."
"That's charming, but I'm not sure I'll be attending, after all." Marlene bit her lip, as she admitted as much.
"What?" Like a startled deer, Remus gawked at her. "You've got to go, or else you won't make the team, and that's what you've always dreamed of doing!"
"Yes, I've always dreamed of being a member of my House Quidditch team, but you know as well as I do that there's a difference between dreams and reality," she sighed. "I've never flown in front of so many people, and I'm afraid that I'll screw up, and, besides, there will be older teenagers there, and they'll doubtlessly be better than me even if I don't panic, and am able to fly well, so it would be stupid of me to waste the time in attending."
"Aren't you the one who told me that I shouldn't fret about being thought a fool, or worry about what anyone else believes of me, as long as I'm content with who I am and what I'm doing?" Remus folded his arms across his chest. "Aren't you the one who convinced me that I should chase after my dreams, because I could achieve them?"
"Yes." A trace of a reluctant grin split across her features as she made this concession.
"Well, then I ask that you follow your own advice."
"It's easier said than done."
"Tough luck." Remus waved a threatening finger at her. "I'll be at the trials on Friday night at six o'clock sharp, and I expect to see you there. If you aren't there, I'll make you wish you were never born."
"Okay, I'll be there, too." After a moment's pause, Marlene nodded. "So, tell me, what's the real reason you came over here, besides to pester me?"
"I didn't feel like going back to the rest of my gang after that scene with Lily," Remus replied. "James and Sirius would tease me if I returned to them straight afterward, but if I play cards with you for awhile first, then they'll find something else they can poke fun at by the time I return to them."
"Machiavelli has nothing on you," chuckled Marlene, "although I'm not certain I like being used by you."
"I'm not using you," he reassured her at once, even though he was almost one-hundred percent confident that she was joking, since he really did not want two girls to shriek at him in the middle of the common room in a single evening. "I really do love hanging out with you."
"Call me an idiot, but I believe you." Marlene smiled at him, and then posed an odd inquiry. "Hey, is James Potter attending the trials? I heard he's a Quidditch nut."
"Yeah, he is a Quidditch nut, but he's not going to the try-outs, because he's in detention with Filch that evening."
"Oh, maybe I ought to see if I can steal some poisons from Potions tomorrow, so that he can commit suicide before Filch murders him in a far more agonizing fashion." Marlene grimaced, displaying her sympathy for James' predicament, and then mused, "Hmm, it might be beneficial to me, if he doesn't show up, though, since he's so handsome and hilarious that I am a lot more clumsy and clammy in his presence, and those are not idyllic Quidditch trial conditions for me."
Remus was amazed at the impact her description of James had upon him. Blazing scarlet abruptly blared inside him, so that his brain was nothing but a splotch of crimson, his heart was beating at three times its typical rate, his stomach clenched like a balled fist, and for the first time in his life, he understood that the expression seeing red was not metaphoric or in anyway symbolic, but purely literal.
Not wishing for her to spot the incredible physiological anomalies that were wrecking havoc upon him, Remus labored to slow his pounding heart, and, once he had accomplished that, the tinge of crimson that had been clouding his vision dissipated, and he was able to think more rationally. What the heck happened to me? he wondered.
It was a moment before he realized that he had been envious of James Potter, or so his biological responses would imply, yet he could not comprehend, or wouldn't permit himself to comprehend why in the world that should be the case. After all, he liked Marlene, yes, but only in a platonic, non-romantic fashion. They were just friends― the very best of friends― as they had always been, ever since her family had visited his house for supper, and he had been shunted off with the task of entertaining her, and had discovered that she was far more of an entertainer than he would ever be. Yet, he seemed to have missed so much in her. For instance, he had never noticed just how charismatic her eyes were when they danced and sparkled in the candlelight and the firelight. He had never truly seen how many colors, from the hue of dying leaves in autumn to the vibrant shade of fresh fall apples, glittered in her hair. He had ignored the way her sharp, angular face revealed her inner nature.
Suddenly, he couldn't escape the overwhelming sensation that he had never really known his best friend at all. Obviously, she had many more secrets that she could share with him, and he wanted nothing more than to learn them. He, not James, had to know everything about her. He, not James, had to be the closest human being to her. He, not James, had to possess her. It was as simplistic, and as complicated, as that. She had to be his…but, first, the James problem must be dealt with.
"James is attracted to Lily, not you," Remus educated her, his jealousy of James making him lose his tact. It was only after the words had burst out of his mouth that he realized that they might wound Marlene. Luckily, this was not news to Marlene, for she only shrugged.
"Yep, he is crushing on her now, but boys have the attention spans of particularly stupid goldfish, especially when females are factored into the equation, so that's not going to be so forever," Marlene dismissed his argument brusquely. "In fact, I doubt Lily will be able to maintain his interest for long. I mean, I think she is really nice and all, but she plays too hard to get with James, if you ask me. After all, a guy can only take so much rejection and heartbreak before he has to focus on somebody new, somebody that he can see will return his affections. You see, people can only tolerate so much of being denied what they desire, before they have to go after something else as a survival mechanism. Men, because their egos are more fragile than women's are, have to do so sooner, since they are more sensitive to rejection and stuff."
"You know more about male psychology than I do," observed Remus, offering her a quarter-moon shaped grin.
"And you probably know more about female anatomy than I do," grinned Marlene. When he stared, mouth agape at her, she giggled. "Come now, admit it that guys chat about girl bodies the way girls gossip about what guys think, assuming, of course, that boys actually do that."
"Maybe James and Sirius talk about dirty stuff like that, but I sure don't." Remus blushed, and stared at his shoes, discomfited to be speaking of such things with her, especially because he was now beginning to consider her in an erotic fashion, which was in itself highly humiliating, because he knew that she was in love with James, not him, although he would change that. Marlene was his, and nobody else's, and that was it. "And I won't let anyone talk about you like that."
Especially because I'm the only one who's allowed to think of you like that, he completed his statement mentally.
"You're like the older brother I never had." Marlene shook her head mockingly. Beaming, she added, "I won."
"As usual. I'm going to go sit with James, Sirius, and Peter for awhile." Remus pushed himself to his feet, waved at her, and shuffled off, complaining to himself, I'm like a brother to her―Merlin, I could have gone all month without hearing her establish that.
After that, when he returned to his congregation of Marauders by the fireside, he discovered that his mind was too troubled by the sequence of events that had occurred inside him throughout his conversation with Marlene to study Potions. However, fortunately, tomorrow's test was not on the Babbling Potion, which meant that Remus was able to attain full marks, to the aggravation of both Lily and Severus.
Marlene was not so lucky, for on Friday, she panicked at the trials, because it was obvious that nobody expected anything from a first-year, and many of the older pupils jeered at her during her try-out with the net result that she lost her focus, which in turn meant that she dropped the Quaffle on several occasions, and fumbled a handful of easy shots on goal. Even she wasn't surprised when she didn't make the team, although she was upset, and frustrated.
"Don't worry about it, Marlene," Mary consoled her, as both Mary and Remus climbed down from the stands onto the pitch to comfort Marlene. "It was all the fault of those juvenile upperclassman. If they hadn't been taunting you, you would have done loads better, and you'd have made the team. There's no doubt about that, I swear."
"Be reasonable, Mary," snapped Marlene, her lapis lazuli eyes moist, "if I can't ignore the catcalls from them, then I don't deserve to be on the team. After all, the comments from the Slytherins will be a million times worth, so if I'm not tough enough to withstand these, I'd go to pieces in a match against them. I've got to learn to ignore them, so that next year I can make the cut."
"You will." This time it was Remus who reassured her. "You're really good, and, as long as you maintain in control, there's no way on earth that the captain won't be able to see it, unless he's blind, or someone ties a blindfold around his head."
"Thanks." Marlene forced herself to smile, although she still had a tautness about her face that suggested that she was disappointed with her performance, and, because she seemed so depressed, it suddenly occurred to the id in Remus that she needed to be consoled, and that if words had failed, perhaps actions would succeed. After all, didn't actions speak louder than words?
So, before he had time to second guess himself, before he had time to even become conscious of what he was doing, he leaned forward, and kissed her smack on the lips. He didn't care that he was doing it in broad daylight in the center of a teeming Quidditch pitch with her best mate looking on in astonishment. He didn't care that she might not want him to kiss her, because she probably didn't share his feelings. He didn't care, because he wasn't thinking at all.
He had barely brushed his lips against hers, though, before she shoved him off her, not in a hard manner, but none to gently, either. Waving at Mary, she snatched his elbow, and yanked him off to the sides of the pitch where they could confer privately.
"What the heck did you just do that for?" she gritted, as soon as they were alone.
"Sorry," he stammered. "I couldn't help myself."
"Well, from now on, do," she snapped. Perhaps realizing how harsh she sounded, she relented, "Look, Remus, I'm so flattered that you care about me like that, and all, but I just― just―don't return your affections. I want to be friends with you, but just friends. Not lovers, not friends with benefits. Just best friends. I don't mean to hurt you, because I do love you, probably more than I will ever actually love the people I'll crush on throughout my years here, but I don't have a romantic attraction to you. If I did, I'd go out with you."
"I understand," he mumbled, wishing he had never kissed her. He would have to learn how to control himself better around her, he recognized dimly, or else she would lose her, since nobody wished to hang around with someone who they were always afraid would make a move on them when they didn't want that to happen. "I'm sorry. I won't do it again, I promise. Can―can we still be friends?"
"Of course." She grinned at him, and most of the awkwardness between the pair of them evaporated. "We'll be best friends forever no matter what, just like we promised. In fact, it's probably a good thing that we aren't going to date each other, because then we would have to break up in the end, and we might lose our friendship, if that happened. I wouldn't want to lose you. I don't think I could bear that."
"I couldn't bear losing you, either," he agreed in a whisper, shuddering at the thought of such an occurrence. Never being able to date her, was bad enough, but losing her was the worst thing he could imagine. He couldn't imagine trying to live without her fierce wit, her determination, her courage, and even her idealism. Without her, he would be hollow, and that would not be a pleasant state to be locked in permanently, but it would be what would happen to him if he lost her.