Title: Regrets
30 Kisses Prompt #4: Our Distance and that Child
Pairing: Obito/Kakashi
Rating: G
Summary: Obito and Kakashi have similar regrets over something that happened five years ago.
Author's Note: Furthering the AU of Obito surviving in Iwa, this takes place after the Uchiha Massacre, where Obito ends up leading Team 7. This may someday get expanded into a larger story.
I look at you over there, smiling and laughing with those kids, and I wonder just how different things would have been, without all that death. You and your cousin, the last sons of a once proud and influential clan in the village. And me, the last son of a hero, making a name for himself.
You and I used to be much closer. We would still be close, if I hadn't pushed you away when you needed me the most. I couldn't deal, would not deal, with the fact that you wanted to raise a child. I'm not good with them, I don't particularly feel comfortable around them. The idea of having to comfort both you and some stranger's child through the loss of your family terrified me. So I pushed you away.
Of course, I regret it now. I regretted it then. You meant so much to me, and you still do. I watch you with him and I see how close you both are. The closer you get with him, the longer the distance between us is. I wonder if it hurts you as much as it hurts me, and I wonder if you care.
Passing you on the street, I try not to look. But I see you, out of the corner of my good eye, looking at me, and for a moment I entertain the thought that you might want to talk to me. But I don't stop, I can't stop. Shinobi don't show weakness, and if I stop, I will falter. You always thought I was so strong, but I wasn't. You're stronger. You don't allow your emotions to make you weaker, for me, they always have. It's why I have such a cool exterior. I'm not good, I just ignore what I feel.
Walking away, the distance between us widens, physical distance emulating the emotional space between us. Sometimes I imagine that we'll close it. But I don't know how to take that first step. I just hope that one of us will figure it out, before it's too late.
***
I see you walking by, and watch you over the heads of my students. Sasuke notices, but he's always noticed. He's asked about you. I've never told him anything, it hurts too much. Looking at you is painful for me, almost as painful as the loss of my family. I think he knows. It's just another reason to hate his brother.
You'd like Sasuke. He reminds me of you sometimes. He's smart and clever, and someday he'll be a better ninja then I am. I'm proud of him like he was my own son, even if we've only had a few years together. He's a good kid. He gets along better with his teammates then you did, but you learned, eventually.
I hate not being able to talk to you. I hate looking at you, your face behind that infuriating mask of yours. How many times have I pulled down that mask and kissed you, or caressed you cheek? I'm thankful that you still wear it though, because if I had to look at your face, and see you lips, I'd break. I want nothing more then to take you back again, but I know that you won't want me unless I am free from him.
You made me choose, Kakashi. In the end, he needed me more than you. I need you, but Sasuke's still just a child, even if he is old enough to kill someone. I can live without you, but I'm not sure he can live without me.
As you turn the corner, out of my field of vision, I breath a sigh of relief. This time, Sakura notices, but she's prudent enough not to ask questions. She'll ask later. I don't know what I'll tell her.