Mistake

Allen Walker

I needed to stop talking, I really did. Without emotions, I had no way of knowing if I was spilling too much, nor did I have a way to stop myself if I was indeed doing so. Nothing felt right or wrong anymore.

There was also another problem that I was only now becoming aware of.

Even though my mind was numb, this body tingled, hyperaware of their presence.

My arms itched to wrap themselves around Lenalee's shoulders in a tight hug, my head to feel Lavi's warm hand as he mussed my hair.

My hands ached to run themselves through Yu's long hair, and my lips to be taken by his.

My body told me that it needed to be touched. By him. Then and there. Roughly and without mercy.

That was the final straw.

I shut myself down, switching back to autopilot.

They would find no differences in the way I acted because I no longer needed emotions to live. Right now, all that was necessary of me was to return to Road and ensure that the demons of The Black Order stayed as far from Noah territory as possible. I could not protect them if they insisted on meddling any further.

"It would be in your best interest if you never came back," I droned, standing up from the table and collecting what was left of my meal. "You are an enemy of Noah. The next time you decide to visit, those you meet may not be as welcoming as Road and I."

Their punishment for intruding would differ according to whom they were found by. For instance, while it was highly likely that Sheryl would kill them, Lulu Bell would opt for a week or two in the cells on the basement floor.

"You don't have to leave yet," Lenalee said, standing too. Her purple eyes were sad, but insistent. "We can keep talking to each other like this for a bit."

"We cannot."

She seemed surprised at the answer, like she'd been expecting me to say something else. "Why?"

My mouth did not open again, because there was nothing my simple mind could come up with that would satisfy them. They were good people. Lenalee, I knew, cared too much. Lavi tried to hide it, but he did too.

It would have been for the best if I had rejected their offer to eat together. Interacting with me did them no good.

"What's so wrong about what we're doing?" She asked as the other two also stood up.

I wouldn't say that it was to protect them, not when even I couldn't tell why I was doing this. I just had to.

And so, instead of speaking, I looked at them. Really, really looked at them, using my power to see their innermost secrets and daily toils. This marked the second instance of me using this ability without the Earl prompting me to do so during my entire time with Noah.

It also marked the last time an incident like this would ever occur again.

While the new knowledge fluttered chaotically around in my mind, each individual piece of information trying to find its own slot inside my head for me to access at any given moment in time, I deposited my leftovers in a nearby trashcan.

There was nothing different from the last time I'd checked, aside from the conflicting feeling that both Lenalee and Lavi held in regards to me. Kanda was curious and angry, thinking ill of my weakness and unwillingness to try. He thought me stupid.

I stopped there as pain shot through my head, physically fighting my hand's urge to reach up and cup the area around my left eye. Since I'd only had a quick look, none of the vessels would have burst. No blood meant that they would find no evidence of my use of power.

"Uhm… You're leaving?"

"I am," I verified quietly, turning to face them just in time to see Kanda scowl at me. Hate me. "It's time I returned home." Want nothing to do with me. "Road will be wondering what's keeping me." If you do that, you'll be fine. "I must help prepare her evening meal."

You'll live.

"Then… it was nice seeing you, Allen," Lenalee said, smiling sadly, and my body tensed as she rested a hand on my shoulder. "Until next time."

I killed the speck of emotion that tried to bud to life as the warmth of her gentle touch attempted to burn its way through my numb walls and thaw out the frozen remains of what was once me.

I would not feel.

I could not afford to let myself break.

Not here. Not now.

Not ever.

"There won't be a next time."

|I|I|

This chapter was a lot harder to write because by the time I'd finished it, there were only three-hundred words, so I had to quickly come up with something else to include.

Sorry if it's a little short. I couldn't add any more without it looking forced.