By Didi
Disclaimer: Though the show has been cancelled, (damn those executives) I still cannot claim them as mine. And anyone that even thinks so would be laughed out of the courts. Don't sue; I'm not making any money out of this. Oh and do I have to disclose on brand labels? Cause I mention one and now I'm not sure if they're copyright protected or trademark protected or what-not?
Timeline: Let's just assume this is after the last aired episode. But assume that Nick Kokoris and Rae Brennan are not together. I could not stand the two on the show so I refuse to write anything where they are together. Don't worry; I won't ignore their history already established as the back-story from the show.
Rating: It's going to be R now.
Author's Note: Sorry it's taken so long. Ever had a couple of those weeks where you're consumed by something so intense that you can't do anything else? That's me for the month of October and now dragging into November. Needed a break from the stress and so I thought I'd try to write the next chapter to this seemingly needless story.
I've decided to cast David Fraser, Dr. Keating's brother-in-law. Call me a sap, but I've always liked Rob Lowe despite the bad public image but what do I care about their private lives as long as I get to let my imagination soar with their on-screen image. Anyways… since I've already decided to cast Allison Smith as Jenna, I thought Rob Lowe would be the perfect one to play David. (West Wing fans know what I'm talking about.)
Also, I inserted the first part of this chapter because I needed closure for that unfinished business between Nick and Rae. That particular couple always bothered me and I want it to end, permanently. Plus… I wanted to write Nick in any form I can. (sigh) Sorry if it feels a little out of place and awkward.
Summary: What would you do in the name of love? A lot more than you realize.
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Chapter Thirteen~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Good evening, Nick," Rae said quietly as she approached the surgeon from behind. "What are you still doing here?"
"Working," came the short and non-responsive reply.
Though for months she's asked him for some space, now that she's actually gotten that space, she's not sure she liked the loneness of it. "I thought the case was over with the little boy and the…"
"Follow ups," he answered without looking up from the paper work he had been attempting to fill out so that he could head home and enjoy what's left of his evening before having to return at seven in the morning for yet another round of debates with the administration. Though Matt had offered to do the legwork on this constant tug of war with the hospital board, Nick had thought it wiser to allow the internist to keep his attention on other matters… namely a certain young doctor with a knack for willing kids over. Bedsides, it's not as if he had anything better to do in life own life.
Forcing herself to keep her cool, after all they had to work together at the hospital on a daily basis; she didn't see any reason why they couldn't at least be on friendly terms. "I would have thought that you'd be gone by now. Heard you were in at the crack of dawn with that new kidney transplant."
"We do our share," he replied and closed the clip, slipping it into the metal wire basket with the rest of the to-be-filed materials. "Is there something that you needed, Rae?" finally turned to look at her and wish that he hadn't. One would assume that the days apart would ease some of the hurt. But her face reminded him of the rejection and the rejection bruised not just his ego but his heart as well.
"Can't we still be friends?" she asked quietly, glancing about to make sure they were not over heard in the quieting halls.
"Of course," not that there was much more to say to that. "I'm just tired, Rae. Can we talk about this in the morning?"
"Of course."
"Thanks," he rubbed his neck and backed away.
"Nick," she called to him, feeling some guilt over what has happened between them. When he turned to look at her, she felt doubly bad for putting that sad puppy look on that handsomely aristocratic face. "I'm sorry."
He stared at her for a moment, not sure if he heard her right or if he had only wished it. But his pride recognized the pity in her eyes. "No you're not," he replied firmly and without any accusation. "You won't have done it if you were."
"I can't help the way I feel," Rae insisted.
Glancing around the empty hallway, Nick leaned closer. "You're lying to yourself if you think you feel sorry for the fact that you had an affair with me. You were a married woman, Rae. A smart doctor. You knew what you were doing and you weren't the least bit sorry. You're just sorry that it cost you all this problems when I decided that half a relation wasn't good enough for me anymore."
"Nick…"
"I deserve more. I deserve better."
She was stunned by his anger. She's seen him anger before but never like this. There was no bitterness, no self pity, it's as if he was telling her something she hadn't quite heard yet.
Shaking his head slowly, "I just realized something so important the other day. Love is something that is undeniably complicated. It makes you weak. It makes you strong. It makes you do the most ridiculous things in the world."
"Like move across the world?" she added softly.
"No, like convince yourself of something that is there really isn't there just so you can live with yourself." Case in point, the denial Matt Slingerland was obviously living in at the moment. Nick would bet his next years salary that the Brit was feeling more than just a friendly kinship and generosity when he decided to donate his DNA for Jules Keating's little project. "What you and I had Rae that was lust; you know why I realized that? Because I've seen what love can do to a person. It makes fools out of the best of people. And when you're in love, you do things that are against your better thoughts and nature to see the other happy. But you and me? We look after ourselves. We want and we take, forget the kind of consequences it may have on others." He sighed and closed his eyes for a moment, suddenly feeling a heavy burden lift. "I finally understand."
Rae stared at him a moment. "Understand what?"
He opened his eyes and looked at him, perhaps seeing for the first time. "That I'm free." Then turned on his heels and walked away.
~~~~
Twirling the aquamarine tassel on her index finger, Jenna made her way to her husband's study. Pausing at the doorway, she studied his strong aristocratic features, from those board shoulders to those wide capable hands that drove her to distraction. She couldn't imagine life without this man that has given her more joy that she thought was possible in this world. "Hey, Hon."
"Hi, Baby," tilting his chin up and pulling his beautiful wife into his arms to kiss. "How did you enjoy your visit with Jules? Sorry to pull you away so quickly."
She waved the apology away. "It was very informative."
David look up from the deposition he head been reading, "I don't like the way you just said that, Baby. It never bodes well for someone or other when you do."
Jenna raised one wing brow slowly and started the twirl the tassel once more. "We'll need to redo the curtains in the living room. This came off today when I went to pull the…"
"Don't change the subject on me." Catching her hand as she attempted to leave, "You Keating women have this amazing ability to distract a man from their goals when you do that. But I've known you and loved you long enough not to fall for that trap again. Now talk. What did you do?"
"Moi?" batting her eyes innocently at him. "How can even think that..."
He pulled her to his level and kissed her. "Don't give me that. I know you better than I know my own mother. You're up to something."
Grinning mischievously, "I met Dr. Slingerland today."
"Really?"
"Yes."
The golden halo around his crystal blue eyes reflected the light in the room for a moment as his face went completely and utterly still before he asked, "Why would you go see him? And don't try to flub me off with some lame excuse about running into him in the halls or his seeking you out because you know that's not going to fly with me."
"Flub?"
"Jenna…" he warned, fingers tightening just enough on her waist to convey his seriousness.
Pouting, she sighed. "I wanted to see if I can talk him into signing the documents that Jules wanted so badly."
He frowned, "The release of parental rights agreement?"
"Yeah."
"And?"
"He said that he won't sign it under any circumstances," she pronounced.
There was silence.
Jenna frowned. "Why don't you look the least bit surprised?"
He lifted his brow for a moment and shrugged.
"David!"
"Probably because I'm not."
"Why?" she demand, dropping into his lap when he attempted to resume his reading of the 300 page deposition that needed to be summarized by morning. Putting her arms around his neck, "Why aren't you surprised by this?"
Wrapping his arms around her, his lips curled up just before it landed on hers for a moment. "Because I know your little sister better than either one of your want to admit that I do."
Because she liked the kiss… a lot, and found the mere peck on to be completely unsatisfactory, she kissed him again before asking, "What does that mean?"
"It means that your sister is one smart cookie. She isn't just going to go out and find some bum to be the father of her children. Even if what she said was true, that this Dr. Slingerland was a last minute kind of choice, she would have had to trust him 100% to have allowed herself to go through with the procedure." He smiled when she looked back at him with confusion. "In other words, my darling wife, this guy would have to be a good, honest man for Jules to have trusted him enough with her future procreation plans. And if he's that good and honest, I don't see him giving up the responsibility and rights to his own flesh and bone. God knows I won't in his place."
Nodding her head slowly, Jenna bit her lip and thought for a moment.
David braced himself. "I can almost hear the gears in your head moving."
"I may have made a mistake."
"I should have known." Sighing because there was no getting around the fact that Jenna, as smart as she was, tends to be impulsive at times. "What happened?"
"I accused him of being in love with Jules."
That didn't even come close to what he had been dreading. "What?"
She gave him a sheepish look that was adorable. "Well the way he acted and all…" she shrugged and rested her head on his shoulder. "I just thought that… well, I may not be wrong. After all, he didn't deny it."
Taking her by the forearms, he set her steady in front of him so he could see those green eyes. "Why would you do something that brash and careless? What's the matter with you, Jenna?"
"I went with my guts."
"Next time, go with your head."
"David…"
"Jenna…"
"You didn't see the look on the guy's face when I asked him," the more she thought about it, the more convince she was right on that account. "It was like someone socked him one in the guts."
"Yes, namely you."
"No, I mean it, Honey," she wrapped her arms around him again. "And then Jules came and… he was looking at her the way…" she searched for a good analogy. Then it hit her, "The way you looked at me after you found out I was pregnant with Kevin."
That gave David pause. He hadn't forgotten the wonder, the joy, the completeness he felt in knowing that Jenna was carrying the product their union. He had been almost overwhelmed with love, fear and a score of other unidentifiable emotions. Besides his wedding day and the day Jenna said that "L" word, he couldn't name another time when he had felt some elation. "How sure are you?"
"I won't bet Kevin's life on it if that's what you're asking."
"But…" hearing the hesitation in her voice.
"But I'd bet three months of chocolate chip cookies that that man wants a lot more than just friendship from my baby sis."
Given that since he's known her, Jenna has never been able to do without chocolate chip cookies for more than three days, David was smart enough to deduce that she was serious. "And you're assessment of the situation?"
"Jules isn't impervious either."
"Really?"
"Not quite sunk as deep as he apparently is but she's getting there. She certainly not un-attracted to him."
"Is there such word?"
"If there isn't, there should be."
"From your mouth, and what a beautiful mouth it is, to the Oxford English Dictionary New Words Department." He nibbled on the said mouth for a moment. "What makes you think she's 'un-attracted'?"
She gave a chuckle. "You should have seen this guy."
David leaned back and stared at her. "Were you checking him out?"
The answering grin should have annoyed him but it didn't. "Don't worry darling, he's got nothing on you," she assured him with a kiss. "Besides, how can I appreciate what I have at home if I don't go out and compare every once in a while?"
He frowned, tightening his hold on her. "That logic doesn't seem possible but at the moment I can't find the hole in the theory."
"You just don't like being wrong."
"True," he admitted and turned his head to the baby monitor they had started to keep around the house. "Is he asleep?"
"Yeah," her voice soft with maternal grief.
"The meeting tomorrow…"
"Yeah," nodding her head slowly. "I know."
"And Jules?"
"She knows, crossing her fingers."
"So we pray for a miracle tomorrow?"
"We have a miracle, every single day that he lives and breathes."
David nodded in perfect understanding. "I love you, Jenna."
"I love you too."
"Are we going to have to fly to San Francisco to untangle the mess you think you may have made with Jules and this doc?"
"Maybe."
"Maybe?"
"Let's wait to see what happens next. With Jules, anything is possible."
~~~~
"I need to sit down."
"You are sitting," came the dry reply.
"Then I need to stand up," and did just that.
"I need a bloody drink," he muttered but didn't make a move as he stared across the room at where the pale-faced Dr. Keating was pacing the limited space of her living room. She appeared to be having some difficulties coming up with any other reaction besides the petrifying shock she seems to be experiencing.
"You know what?" she said suddenly cheerfully. "You're right," heading into the kitchen determinedly. "A drink sounds like just the solution."
He raised one brow at her chirpy tone and asked, "Is that wise given your scheduled procedure tomorrow morning?"
Pausing on the screwing in the cork remover, Jules looked up and meet his dark chocolate eyes for a moment before looking away. "Okay then, you can have the drink."
"Really?" he asked surprising himself with how calm he was feeling.
"Yeah, cause you made a lot more sense when you were drunk than you're doing now," she concluded with a smile, uncorking the ridiculously expensive liquor that she had picked up following Slingerland's little adventure in her apartment the other day. She had been determined to make sure the next time he pulled a bone-headed stunt like that she had more than enough alcohol on hand to help him drink to a stupor.
"Really?" he asked with a little more surprise in his intonation.
"Can you not keep asking me that?" pouring the amber liquor into a glass and pushing it across the breakfast counter at him. "Drink."
Glancing briefly at the three-finger whiskey in his hand, he whirled it once in the glass and down it in less than two seconds. Matt gave himself a moment to enjoy the liquid fire that slowly made its way from chest to toes before sighing contently. "Not bad for an American drink."
"It's Irish," she informed him.
"That would explain the velvet aftertaste," he mused dryly. Setting the glass down, he stopped her before she could refill the glass once more. "No more for me, thank you very much. I want a clear head for what's to come."
Putting the cork back in slowly, she eyed him cautiously. "And what is to come?"
Brows rose in inquiry. "I tell you that I'm in love with you and you don't think we should at least talk about this?"
"What would you like me to say?" she asked softly, not sure what she could say even if he did ask her the all important…
"How do you feel about me?"
Jules could have slapped herself for jinxing it. "Great, just what I need on a quiet Monday night."
"There's always Monday night football," he offered with a smile, trying to lightened the mood he seemed have darkened rather quickly with his impulsiveness. He was not the least bit amused by the fact that she was causally edging away from him and there was a clear sense of fear about her as she continued to stare at him as if he's sudden grew another head. "I'm not going to jump you… again."
She nodded her head and put the bottle away.
"If it makes you feel any safer, we can talk with all this between us," gesturing to the breakfast counter.
That was not much in the way of reassurance. "Why do I have a feeling that this little thing won't stop you if you decided to come over here?"
"Probably because it won't," he answered honestly.
"Great," she muttered and rolled her eyes skyward. "That's reassuring."
He smiled apologetically and gestured toward the living room. "Shall we talk?"
"If I say no?"
"Then this could be a very long night."
"Because you won't leave until we do?"
"That about sums it up."
An adorable pout formed on her lips for a moment. "Anyone ever tell you that you're annoying?" coming around the counter.
"My cousins do all the time, and I do have quite a few, my aunts and uncles liked having a rather extended clan," he replied, keeping his distance from him to allow her some sense of safety. "But I believe it has something to do with the fact that they are green with envy over my good looks, education, brains, superior height and sense of fashion, ability to play cricket without looking like a weenie…"
She laughed, cutting his list of reasons that had his cousins so annoyed with him. "Okay Mr. I-can-do-all."
"Not everything," he replied, leaning resting his elbow against the countertop and dropping his chin to this folded hands. "I can't seem to keep you out the most intimate regions of my minds, and believe when I tell that I have tried time and time again. There some saying somewhere about not sleeping with your colleagues, being bad for business and all…"
"Is that why you avoided sleeping with all those nurses?" she asked quite sweetly.
Slingerland had the grace to blush and not deny it. "Poor substitutes."
Jules rolled here eyes and opened an overhead cabinet. Pulling out an oversized bag of M&M's, she came around the wall and headed into the living room. "You can sit on the armchair," she informed him as she passed with the candy tucked under her arm.
He followed with a smile, wondering if he'll ever stop being amazed by her endearingly trusting nature or was doomed to forever worry about those rose color glasses she constantly wears being a hindrance to her ability to live in reality. "Are you going to offer me another drink?"
"No," she answered. "Matt, I honestly don't know what is it that you expect me to say to you right now. I've had my share of strange relationships but this one… it definitely takes the cake."
"I'm flattered," he said dropping down into the seat to give her the distance that she obviously felt that she needs. "And for your edification, I'm not looking for a declaration of love from you. I'm a complete realist; this isn't what you expected, wanted or need right now. I'm honest enough with myself to know that you don't feel the same way I do. I don't expect you to."
"Really?"
"Yes. How could you possibly have guessed what I was experiencing when I've not given you any hint of my interests and intentions since we first met? Not to mention the fact that I did not realize anything until recently. Then your sister came along and decided to hit my over my head with a sledge hammer…."
"Leave it to Jenna."
"But I have to be thankful to her to helping me figure out why I'm unwilling to relinquish all rights to our child when it would make infinite sense to do so, even you pointed that out." He grinned as she scrunched up a little tighter on the couch and munched on sweets. "Are you going to share that?"
She shook her head at him first then held out the bag. "You're confusing me."
"Good, turn about is fair play, you've been confusing me for weeks now."
"That's not fair. I didn't even know that I could do it much less know that I've been doing it."
He smiled unsympathetically at her. "All's fair in love and…"
"Shut up," tossing a throw pillow at his head.
Ducking, he grinned as the soft pillow glanced off his shoulder. "Seriously though luv…"
"Don't call me that," she muttered in a pout, disturbed that the word would send a shiver up her back without any explanation.
Her complaint seemed to put lift on his spirit. "Why not?"
Jules didn't reply; she just glared at him.
His devil may care grin didn't help either.
Grabbing the matching sofa pillow, she threw that at him as well. He ducked and leapt across to land next to her on the couch with a bounce, nearly sending her toppling over the edge as she grabbed wildly at the seatback. "Violent, aren't we?"
"I'm currently having a bad day, I'm allowed," she justified then scooted along the couch and pulled her feet up as a barrier before facing him. "I thought you were going to keep your distance."
"I was," he replied with a nod but made no move to get up and move away from her.
"So?" she asked, motioning to the armchair.
"I changed my mind," he answered honestly.
She stuck her chin out and crossed her arms. "I'm not going to change my mind about the procedure tomorrow."
"You won't be the same woman that I know and…" he took a deep breath, "And fell in love with if you did." He was going to have to get use to saying it… just as she was going to have to get use to hearing it from him.
Jules tried to scoot back further but found no more room.
He eyed her with exasperation, "I'm not going to molest you; relax."
She made a face and try not to appear too obvious as she attempted to relax her body into a more causal pose. "You won't know how."
The brow rose in the face of that obvious challenge.
Realizing a little belatedly how that may have sounded, especially to him, "I didn't mean it that way."
"Didn't you now?" he asked, the corners of his lips curling slowly upward in a unholy grin that Jules wasn't sure should be that charming given what could be passing through his deadly little mind.
She shook his head at him. "Now I know how Eve felt when offered that damned apple in the Garden."
Matt laughed, feeling extraordinarily buoyant given his earlier dread of what could be the outcome of this little confirmation. He had been braced for what could be the most detrimental let down he has yet experienced. Confession was good the soul; but rejection was not … nor would it do his ego any good. And the more apprehensive Jules was toward his declaration, he most sure he was that she wasn't completely immune to his affections. One is only uncomfortable when one's own demons are being played.
"Get we get serious here?" she asked, making an effort to compose herself. "Cause it's getting late and I'd like to go to bed."
"So would I," he replied automatically without thought.
She frowned at him. "My bed."
"That's what I meant too," he said cheerfully.
"MATT!"
"All right, all right," he replied holding his hand out to ward off any attacks she may be planning with any of the reachable little objects around. Leaning back to rest his waist against the sofa arm, he crossed his arms and regarded her with a look that left nothing to the imagination as to what his thoughts were.
Jules blushed. "Stop that."
"Stop what?"
"Looking at me like that."
"Like what?" tilting his head curiously.
"You know what," she shot back and grabbed the M&M bag that he had set on the table. She needed to get back in control of this conversation or it was likely to last all night. Of all the men in her life, he's the only one she knew that enjoyed teasing her like that. Of course, none of the others ever confessed to being in love with her either. Hum… not something she wanted to dwell on at the moment; she had someone else that needed to be dealt with first. "What are you going to do about tomorrow?"
It was like watching a mask being put on in a split second. His face became unreadable as he stared back at her. "Is there anything I can say that may change your mind about going through with it until I've had a chance to digest some of this?"
It was unfair to him to deny him just a little more time to think about things, plus there was the off chance that he may change his mind about signing the… she kidding herself as she thought about it. "Doubtful," she answered honestly. "Look Matt, I… I like you. You've been nothing but a really good…a good friend to me and while I respect and appreciate that this isn't exactly what you want…"
"You don't know what I want, Jules." He pronounced gravely, swallowing the word friend with some difficulty. "Please don't make assumptions."
Nodding her head slowly, "All right, I can understand that. But while I do fully realize that this isn't exactly fair to you, I have to do what is right for me. And right now, having this baby is right for me and not just for Kevin's sake. I'm thirty-two; not exactly a spring hen and the horizon aren't bringing me much in the way of perspective…"
"I said I am in love with you."
Her heart gave a hitch and she was quick to batted it down and ram her way through what she has to say. "I heard you and am very flattered by… But that doesn't mean…"
"I'm perfectly willing to raise this child and any other you wish to have with you."
"I'm sure that you'll take full responsibility even if you don't…"
"As long as I get a chance to be with you."
She was taken aback.
He shook his head at her and took the M&M bag out of her slack her hands. "I'm not kidding, Jules. I've had way too long this afternoon to think this through. Your sister is right; denial isn't just a river in Egypt. But I'm not going to go that route anymore. You think this is easy, it isn't. I'm basically ripping out my heart and giving it to you in a nicely wrapped gold foiled package."
"Silver," she muttered.
"What?"
"Silver is my favorite color," she murmured distractedly.
He made a mental note. "All right; a nicely wrapped silver foiled package then." He wanted out to reach out and take her head hand but wasn't sure how she would react to that. "I want a chance to be with you. Is it really that hard to believe?"
"Honestly?"
"Please."
"Yes, it is."
Slingerland nodded slowly accepting it even though he not exactly sure what to make of it. "Why?"
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath only to open them and found him leaning forward a little too close. Unwilling to allow this to bother her as much as she suspects that it really is in her own heart, "Matt, I've seen your string of girlfriends, you haven't exactly been bashful about flaunting them in front of the entire staff. There isn't a female or male in the hospital that doesn't know what kind of women you chase after."
"Ever wonder why?" he whispered.
"Frankly, no," she said, leaning back only enough so not to feel his warm breath against her skin. It was doing wonderfully horrible things to her senses that she couldn't afford to be feeling right now. "I'm not even close to the leggy model blonds you prefer and we both know it. I'm cute a best and dowdy at worse, and I happily admit it."
"I wish you could see yourself the way I see you."
Refusing to allow those words to thrill her, "Look, I'm flattered, really am. But you're are in reactionary mode and while what you may feel now is…" she never got done with what could have been a real merry-go-round of explanations.
Matt was in the opinion that the second time around was better than the first and that there was a distinct possibly that he could become terribly addicted to this heady feel of pure unadulterated joy he felt when tapping that wonderful sweetness that he always suspected hiding behind that runaway tongue and outward cool, collected professionalism. It was difficult to describe; cool rain on a hot day, glowing ambers on a chilly night, starlight on a moonless sky, scent of gardenias on a summer's eve, he could name a hundred things to compare but none could come close enough.
His mind was so busy in its own wonderland that it took him nearly thirty seconds to realize… she wasn't pulling away.
It was at this point that Slingerland's brilliant mind, the one that got him through medical school, scores of pranks in boarding schools and several relationships that turned less than pleasant, went completely and utterly blank.
Jules wondered for a moment if time had stopped and she's managed to finally step through that awesome door and into the Twilight Zone. A number of things went through her head, among though are how wrong this should be and how this could potentially be the worst move she's ever made. But one thought that kept popping into her head was a rather whimsical one, "Men shouldn't have lips this soft, it's not fair."
Never one to look a gift horse in the mouth, Slingerland was in the full opinion that it was his obligation to take advantage of this amazing situation. Shifting his position slowly, always giving her a way to escape him, he pulled her gently to rest against him. With his hands around her ribcage and giving her plenty of room to do whatever she wanted with him, he gave himself over to enjoy kissing Dr. Julia Keating.
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To be continue….