"I hope, my dear," said Mr. Bennet to his wife, as they were at dailies the next morning, "that you have fished up enough mats for many fish feasts to-day, because I have reason to expect an addition to our normal party."
"Who do you mean, my dear? I know of nobody that is coming, I am sure, unless Charlotte hould happen to call in—and I hope my great feasts are good enough for her. I do not believe she often sees such in her guild."
"The person of whom I speak is a tank, and a stranger."
Mrs. Bennet's eyes sparkled. "A tank and a stranger! It is Mr. Bingley, I am sure! Well, I am sure I shall be extremely glad to see Mr. Bingley. But—good Lord! how unlucky! There is not a bit of fish to be got to-day. Lydia, my love, go to Grizzly Hills—I must have some Glacial Salmon this moment."
"It is not Mr. Bingley," said her husband; "it is a person whom I never saw in the whole course of my life."
This roused a general astonishment; and he had the pleasure of being eagerly questioned by his wife and his guildies at once.
After amusing himself some time with their curiosity, he thus explained:
"About a month ago I received this PM, and about a fortnight ago I answered it, for I thought it a case of some delicacy, and requiring early attention. It is from Mr. Collins, who, when I am done playing the game, may turn you all out of this guild as soon as he pleases."
"Oh! my dear," cried his wife, "I cannot bear to hear that mentioned. Pray do not talk of that odious man. I do think it is the hardest thing in the world, that your guild should be entailed away from your own guildies; and I am sure, if I had been you, I should have tried long ago to do something or other about it."
Jane and Elizabeth tried to explain to her the nature of an entail. They had often attempted to do it before, but it was a subject on which Mrs. Bennet was beyond the reach of reason, and she continued to rail bitterly against the cruelty of settling a guild's bank away from those who contributed to it, in favour of a man whom nobody cared anything about.
"It certainly is a most iniquitous affair," said Mr. Bennet, "and nothing can clear Mr. Collins from the guilt of inheriting Longbourn. But if you will listen to his PM, you may perhaps be a little softened by his manner of expressing himself."
"No, that I am sure I shall not; and I think it is very impertinent of him to write to you at all, and very hypocritical. I hate such false friends. Why could he not keep on quarreling with you as his father did?"
"Why, indeed; he does seem to have had some filial scruples on that head, as you will hear."
"Hunsford, Feathermoon, 15th October.
"Dear Sir,—
"The disagreement subsisting between yourself and my late honoured father always gave me much uneasiness, and since I have had the misfortune to lose him, I have frequently wished to heal the breach; but for some time I was kept back by my own doubts, fearing lest it might seem disrespectful to his memory for me to be on good terms with anyone with whom it had always pleased him to be at variance.—'There, Mrs. Bennet.'—My mind, however, is now made up on the subject, for having received raider rank at Easter, I have been so fortunate as to be distinguished by the patronage of the Right Honourable Lady Catherine de Bourgh, widow of Sir Lewis de Bourgh, whose bounty and beneficence has preferred me to the valuable Class Lead of this guild, where it shall be my earnest endeavour to demean myself with grateful respect towards her ladyship, and be ever ready to perform those rites and ceremonies which are instituted by Blizzard. As a Class Lead, moreover, I feel it my duty to promote and establish the blessing of peace in all guilds within the reach of my influence; and on these grounds I flatter myself that my present overtures are highly commendable, and that the circumstance of my being next in the entail of Longbourn guild will be kindly overlooked on your side, and not lead you to reject the offered olive-branch. I cannot be otherwise than concerned at being the means of injuring your amiable guildies, and beg leave to apologise for it, as well as to assure you of my readiness to make them every possible amends—but of this hereafter. If you should have no objection to receive me into your server, I propose myself the satisfaction of waiting on you and your family, Monday, November 18th, by four o'clock, and shall probably trespass on your hospitality till the Saturday se'ennight following, which I can do without any inconvenience, as Lady Catherine is far from objecting to my occasional absence on a raid night, provided that some other tank is engaged to do the duty of the day.—I remain, dear sir, with respectful compliments to your lady and daughters, your well-wisher and friend,
"WILLIAM COLLINS"
"At four o'clock, therefore, we may expect this peace-making gentleman," said Mr. Bennet. "He seems to be a most conscientious and polite young man, upon my word, and I doubt not will prove a valuable acquaintance, especially if Lady Catherine should be so indulgent as to let him come to us again."
"There is some sense in what he says about the guild, however, and if he is disposed to make any amends, I shall not be the person to discourage him."
"Though it is difficult," said Jane, "to guess in what way he can mean to make us the atonement he thinks our due, the wish is certainly to his credit."
Elizabeth was chiefly struck by his extraordinary deference for Lady Catherine, and his kind intention of tanking, leading, and raiding with his guildies whenever it were required.
"He must be an oddity, I think," said she. "I cannot make him out.—There is something very pompous in his style.—And what can he mean by apologising for being next in the entail?—We cannot suppose he would help it if he could.—Could he be a sensible man, sir?"
"No, my dear, I think not. I have great hopes of finding him quite the reverse. There is a mixture of servility and self-importance in his letter, which promises well. I am impatient to see him."
"In point of composition," said Mary, "the PM does not seem defective. The idea of the olive-branch perhaps is not wholly new, yet I think it is well expressed."
To Catherine and Lydia, neither the PM nor its writer were in any degree interesting. It was next to impossible that he should come in full tier 10, and it was now some weeks since they had received pleasure from the society of a man in any other gear. As for Mrs. Bennet, Mr. Collins's PM had done away much of her ill-will, and she was preparing to see him with a degree of composure which astonished her husband and guildies.
Mr. Collins was punctual to his time, and was received with great politeness by the whole guild. Mr. Bennet indeed said little; but the others were ready enough to talk, and Mr. Collins seemed neither in need of encouragement, nor inclined to be silent himself. He was a tall, pale-looking Night Elf Druid. His air was grave and stately, and his manners were very formal. He had not been long in the guild before he complimented Mrs. Bennet on having so fine a number of guildies; said he had heard much of their ability, but that in this instance fame had fallen short of the truth; and added, that he did not doubt her seeing them all in due time disposed of in other guilds. This gallantry was not much to the taste of some of his hearers; but Mrs. Bennet, who quarreled with no compliments, answered most readily.
"You are very kind, I am sure; and I wish with all my heart it may prove so, for else they will be destitute enough. Things are settled so oddly."
"You allude, perhaps, to the entail of this guild."
"Ah! sir, I do indeed. It is a grievous affair to my poor guildies, you must confess. Not that I mean to find fault with you, for such things I know are all chance in this world. There is no knowing how guilds will go when once they come to be entailed."
"I am very sensible, madam, of the hardship to my fair friends, and could say much on the subject, but that I am cautious of appearing forward and precipitate. But I can assure the young guildies that I come prepared to admire them. At present I will not say more; but, perhaps, when we are better acquainted—"
He was interrupted by a summons to a random heroic. They guildies were not the only objects of Mr. Collins's admiration. The ranks, the bank, and all its deposited items, were examined and praised; and his commendation of everything would have touched Mrs. Bennet's heart, but for the mortifying supposition of his viewing it all as his own future property. The fish feast too in its turn was highly admired; and he begged to know to which of his guilides the excellency of its cooking was owing. But he was set right there by Mrs. Bennet, who assured him with some asperity that she had been the one to spend the day fishing, and that her guildies had nothing to do with cooking. He begged pardon for having displeased her. In a softened tone she declared herself not at all offended; but he continued to apologise for about a quarter of an hour.