A/N This chapter is dedicated to lilamadison11 and cainc3. Happy (very) belated birthday to both of you lovely, lovely ladies! Hope you enjoy :)
Chapter 13: Game Over
Logan
Logan manages to talk his way out of an early morning surfing expedition, the day after Dick's party. But he can't talk his way out of attending the large gathering at the beach afterwards- the continuation of Dick's birthday festivities.
All of his friends are already there by the time he arrives, including Veronica, Lilly and Duncan. Logan greets everyone dutifully, even them, before retiring to a spot a little bit away from the rest of the crowd. It's a large group, over twenty people, and his unsociable behavior seems to go unnoticed. For now.
Logan stretches his legs out on the towel beneath him and leans back on his hands, eyes straying towards Veronica and Duncan. It's not an accident that he's situated himself just behind them. Despite witnessing their kiss last night, along with the rest of the party, he hadn't been completely certain about the nature of their relationship.
But if it wasn't obvious enough that they were a couple last night, it's certainly crystal clear today. They're sharing a towel less than a dozen feet away, currently engaged in animated conversation with Meg and Luke. Duncan's arm is resting casually across Veronica's shoulders, and she's making no effort to remove it.
Logan forces his gaze away and it inadvertently lands on Lilly. She's down at the shoreline with Devin Enbom. They're wading through ankle deep water and laughing, standing just inches away from one another. Lewis is nowhere in sight. But Eileen Pomroy, who's been dating Devin on and off for the last few months, is staring daggers at them.
Lilly is looking particularly gorgeous today, the outline of her black bikini top tantalizingly visible beneath a thin white cotton wrap, shining curtain of hair falling down nearly to her waist. The ocean drowns out her laughter, but he can still hear it in his mind. Light and effervescent like champagne; it used to be one of his favorite sounds.
Logan lies back on his towel and closes his eyes, trying hard not to think about how many times he's prompted that laugh. How many times he's parted those silky strands, sweeping her hair to one side to reveal the soft, bare skin beneath. How many times his eager fingers have explored the spectacular curves of her body, eliciting a low moan from her that made his heartrate double and his hips move faster.
He sighs and rolls over onto his stomach, aggravated at himself for letting his thoughts travel down this path. He hasn't abstained for this long since he and Lilly first started having sex, and it's clearly beginning to get to him. Yet this is the first time in a while that Lilly has played the starring role in one of his fantasies. The hair he's been sweeping aside in his imagination of late has been a golden blonde; the eyes an incredibly insightful turquoise.
But he can't allow himself to think about Veronica, now. It's too dangerous to recreate the smoothness of her skin, the sound of her moan… Too tempting to recall the taste of her lips and the scent of her hair. The satisfying way their forms had fit together; the unexpected way his body had responded so wholly to her soft, uncertain touch…
Logan's eyes snap open, beginning to tear up almost instantly at the harsh sunlight. He closes them again, releasing the towel he's been unwittingly clenching beneath his fingers. Stop it. Stop, stop, stop. She's not yours. She never was.
His hand reaches mechanically into his pocket for the familiar cylindrical bottle, eyes still shut tight against the sun. But they open again when his routine search comes up empty. Logan sits up quickly, patting down the multitude of pockets in his cargo shorts. He finds nothing but his wallet and his flask. His eyes scan the towel and the area surrounding it. All he sees are shells and sand.
Logan takes several long sips from the flask, trying to quell his panic. He can't do this sober. Not with her sitting ten feet away; not with him draping his arm around her so carelessly, so comfortably, like it fucking belongs there.
He glances at his watch. It's been four hours since he popped his morning pills. Too long. He's starting to feel things again. Can't have that. His eyes shift from person to person, considering who's carrying what and which option will be best. Bodie's got chronic. Dick's got Adderall. Shelly's got Xanax.
Logan's gaze unintentionally falls on Veronica, who happens to be looking back. In one fluid motion, she ducks out from beneath Duncan's arm and gets to her feet. A moment later, she's standing before him. He inhales silently and looks up, allowing himself to really take in her appearance for the first time today.
Her hair is loose behind her, the top layer lifting upwards into the breeze. Her nose and cheeks are already slightly pink from the sun. She's dressed rather conservatively today, in a yellow cotton sundress and white Keds. As adorable as she looks, he sort of misses the black and red she's been favoring lately.
"Hey," she greets him. "How's it going?"
"Oh, you know. Clowns to the left of me. Jokers to the right."
"And there you are?"
"Here I am."
Veronica smiles at his joke and Logan manages a half-hearted smirk in return.
"How's your head?" she inquires, tilting her own to the right.
Logan holds up his flask. "Hair of the dog. It helps."
He fully expects a lecture, but it doesn't come. Instead, she simply nods. "Good."
There's half a minute of silence as he watches her stare at the ground, the tip of her sneaker sweeping a semi-circle into the dry sand. Veronica clears her throat and glances back up at him.
"Why don't you come hang out with us? I think we're about to play a game or something. I mean…" Veronica's eyes drop back down. "If you want."
As activities go, playing some stupid game with the happy new couple is pretty far down on the list of what he wants. Only just above getting my leg chomped off by a shark. But this is his new reality. Unless he's willing to make a completely different set of friends, he's got to get used to being around the ones he has. He's got to join in on the fun and games, because that's what people expect him to do.
Still, the obstinate part of him can't quite seem to agree. Instead, he takes a sip from his flask and squints up at Veronica in the sunlight. "Maybe I'd better sit this one out. You remember how the last party game we played together ended up, don't you?"
Veronica doesn't look pleased at the reminder, but she doesn't flinch. "There won't be any kissing in this game," she replies quietly. "As a rule, I try not to make the same mistake twice." She shakes her head at him. "Never mind. I'm sorry I asked."
She turns to leave but Logan reaches forward, deftly capturing her ankle in his grip. Veronica spins around, jerking her leg out of his grasp and kicking sand on him in the process. She's regarding him with an icy blue gaze now, both hands on her hips and her lips parted as though she's about to give him an earful.
Logan busies himself with brushing the sand from his bare arms so that she can't see his face. Because if she saw my smile right now, she'd be really mad.
He doesn't know why he's taking so much pleasure in getting a rise out of her; why her anger is making him giddy. He supposes it gives him a little thrill that he's still able to incite such strong emotions in her. It's far less pleasurable than those little moans and sighs he used to induce; but it's something. A sort of… reminder, of their secret.
Logan makes his expression blank and glances back up at her, reconsidering her invitation. She'd asked him, a few days ago, if they were still friends. And for a moment, he'd thought hard about her question. Could he just say no? Could he stop being her friend? It would be so much easier.
But the answer had come swiftly. No. As painful as it was to remain at her side while she remained at Duncan's, he couldn't bear the thought of Veronica being out of his life completely. Even if it had to be at arm's length for a while, until he could stomach her being closer than that again. Even if not a single person knows how much it's tearing my guts out to be here right now. Including her.
Wordlessly, Logan reaches his arm up to her, palm facing up. The anger fades from her face and her mouth closes on whatever she was about to say. Veronica's fingers wrap firmly around Logan's outstretched hand as she pulls him to his feet to join the others.
Yet, once he's standing on his feet, he doesn't relinquish her hand. He holds it lightly in his own, his thumb brushing a soft pendulum across the tops of her fingers.
They stand there like that for a time, his eyes focused on hers, his world narrowing precisely to the sixty-one inches of human girl in front of him. He studies her eyes, trying to map out the topography of their blue depths. But all he can decipher is confusion. And guilt.
Veronica lets go abruptly and turns away, walking over to reclaim her spot beside Duncan. Logan drops his hand and stares hard at the ocean, imagining the waves curling around his body in a final, violent embrace. His anger, his envy, his frustration- all of it courses through his veins simultaneously, no longer hindered by chemical interference.
No, he can't be her friend. Not really. Maybe one day he'll be capable of looking her in the eyes and pretending that what he feels is platonic. But that day isn't today. So I'll have to fake it. And there's no way I'm pulling that off sober.
Logan tips the flask to his lips and finishes it, tossing it onto his towel before making his way over to Duncan and Veronica. But first, he decides quickly. A detour. He skirts around them and heads to the right, towards Shelly.
"Hey, Shell," he greets her, helping himself to the empty patch of towel beside her.
"Hey," she returns, full lips curving into a smile. "I was wondering when you were going to come say hello. You've been so quiet today."
"Yeah, well, I'm a little under the weather after Dick's big bash. You, uh, got anything to take the edge off?"
xxXxx
Veronica
She retreats to the isle of safety that Duncan's towel provides, scratching rather roughly at her right hand as she walks. Attempting, unsuccessfully, to gouge away the ghost of Logan's touch.
Duncan acknowledges her return with a warm smile, scooting over to give her more room on the towel. In the midst of her agitation, Veronica takes a moment to appreciate the gesture. She accepts the seat beside him gratefully, taking solace in his straightforward normalcy. Their relationship so far has been very… uncomplicated.
There's no exhausting battle of wills with Duncan; no confusing and contradictory behavior to analyze. Every interaction she's had with Logan over the past few days, on the other hand, has left her feeling mentally and physically drained.
"So what'd he say?" Duncan asks. "Is he going to play?"
"I'm not sure."
Veronica's not sure of anything when it comes to Logan, anymore. The only thing she does know is that she's thoroughly aggravated at his behavior today. From the first hour that he'd spent studiously ignoring her to the last five minutes when he'd… Whatever the hell that was.
To her satisfaction, he at least appears to be more alert than he was upon arrival. Veronica's eyes stray toward her purse, where she'd deposited the bottle of pills she'd lifted out of Logan's pocket earlier. It was a purely impulsive decision, something she'd done while he was giving her a perfunctory hug hello. Veronica's still shocked that she managed to pull it off so smoothly.
But the initial thrill of her heist has worn off a bit, and doubt begins creeping into her thoughts. Despite his blatant abuse of the medication, Logan's underlying reason for taking the pills is legitimate. She doesn't want him to be in pain; she just wants him to be him again. Not the glass-eyed carnival doll he's starting to resemble.
Veronica watches him carefully, for a moment. He's currently gesturing with both hands as he converses with Shelly. And although he's keeping his right wrist stiff, he doesn't appear to be in any real discomfort.
She's about to relax back onto the towel when she spies an interaction that makes her sit up straighter. Shelly is dropping something small into Logan's open palm; something he immediately pops into his mouth and washes down with the beer she offers him. Veronica sees Shelly slip a pill bottle back into her bag, and she sighs in defeat.
"Veronica?"
"Hey, Mac!" she greets her friend. "You made it."
"Sorry I'm so late. It took me a while to find you guys." Mac tosses a canvas bag onto the sand and spreads her towel out next to Veronica. "So, what are we doing?"
"About to play a game," Casey speaks up, taking a seat on the cooler opposite Mac. "Just waiting for everyone to gather. You want a drink?"
"Um, water's good if you've got any. I think I kind of overdid it last night."
"Didn't we all?" Casey grins and stands up, opening up the cooler and reaching inside. He pulls out a beer for himself and tosses the water to Mac. She misses it, and the bottle rolls several times through the sand.
Mac reaches for it, but Casey gets to the bottle before she can. "Don't drink this one, it's all dirty." He takes out another water bottle, this time walking forward to place it directly into her hands.
"Thanks."
Veronica glances over at her friend, unable to hide a smile. Mac elbows her in the ribs as soon as Casey turns around.
He reclaims his seat on the cooler and turns to Carrie. "So what's this game called again?"
"It's called 'Am I Lying?'" Carries replies. "And we have to sit in a circle."
Carrie moves her towel closer to them as the rest of their group forms an uneven ring on the sand. Logan and Shelly have arrived, Veronica notices, claiming a spot directly opposite her and Duncan. Lilly and Devin are to her right, sharing a towel and talking quietly.
"Is everyone here?" Carrie asks. "Good. Okay, so first you choose an opponent. Guys have to choose a girl and girls have to choose a guy."
"Why?" Sean questions.
"Because it's more fun that way," Lilly replies.
"Exactly. So you make a statement, and whoever you pick gets to tell you what kind of statement they want you to make- personal or public. If they say personal, you say something about yourself. If they say public, it can just be any random fact you can think of."
"But you can either lie or tell the truth, right?" Duncan asks.
"Right," Carrie confirms. "That's the whole point; the person who you pick has to figure out if you're lying or not."
"This sounds super confusing," Dick complains, snapping a seashell towards the cooler.
"It's not, it's easy. Here, let me give you an example. I'll pick Luke."
Luke looks at Carrie from across the circle. "Um, public."
"Cats sleep for seventy percent of their lives," Carrie states.
Luke narrows his eyes, quiet for several seconds while he sizes her up. "True."
"And he's right; they do," she confirms.
"But how do we know if the person is really telling the truth or not?" Casey asks. "There's no way to know for sure."
"We just have to trust that people are honest."
"Okay," Luke says slowly. "So what happens next? You have to drink since I got it right?"
"No, that's too easy," Susan speaks up. "We do it like this." She reaches into her tote bag, producing a small notebook and pen which she hands to Carrie.
Carrie holds up the notebook. "Everyone write down three consequences on separate sheets of paper. Fold them up and put them in the middle of the circle. If someone guesses wrong, they take a piece of paper."
"And you have to do the consequence no matter what," Susan adds.
There's a general muttering of agreement, and Susan's notebook is passed around from person to person. Veronica can hear a few snickers as people write down their consequences, and she wonders how vicious she should make her own.
I wouldn't mind watching Madison deal with a little humiliation, Veronica acknowledges. She glances across the circle at the pretty girl whose knee is currently touching Logan's. Or Shelly.
When they're all done writing, Carrie nods at Luke. "Pick someone," she instructs.
Luke gives a nervous chuckle. "Okay… Um, Meg."
"Public."
"There are no clocks inside Vegas casinos."
"True," Meg says instantly.
Tad tosses his empty Solo cup at him. "Too easy, man!"
Meg turns towards him. "Tad."
"Public."
"Lame," Dick replies.
"Men are six times more likely to get struck by lightning than women," Meg says.
Tad blinks slowly several times, glancing at his girlfriend Carmen who's seated beside him. Veronica can tell he wants to impress her. "True?"
"True," Meg confirms.
Tad gives her a satisfied smile and nods at Madison.
"Public," she says.
"The coyote has never caught the road runner."
"True," Madison replies.
"False," Tad corrects.
Veronica watches eagerly as Madison's fingers dip towards the folded pile of papers. Pick mine. Please pick mine.
Madison unfolds the paper and wrinkles her nose in disgust. "Are you kidding me? I am not doing this."
"You have to," Lilly reminds her.
"Read it!" Dick urges.
"'Try to catch a seagull'", she reads distastefully. "'Really try.'"
Veronica grins broadly. It's one of hers.
Hilarity ensues as Madison races down the beach after a flock of birds, arms stretched outwards as she attempts to snatch one of them up from the air. To her credit she runs up and down the beach several times, never coming closer than five feet away from a seagull but garnering a lot of strange looks.
Veronica laughs so hard that tears spring to her eyes. She catches Logan watching her from across the circle, his lip twitching in amusement, and she knows that he knows she's behind this. His lips stretch into a full smile, and she can't help smiling back.
It occurs to her that she hasn't seen Logan smile like this in days. Not since they floated languidly in his pool, lips and limbs and thoughts all tangled up in one another. She can still recreate the moment with perfect clarity in her mind. The water droplets on his skin, shining like new diamonds; the light touch of his fingers on her hip; the golden maple of his irises in the sunlight.
Veronica lets the memory fade, her smile fading with it. Every time she allows herself to think about how things were- to really think- she feels an ache just below her ribcage that leaves her gasping for air.
She places her palm over the spot now and inhales deeply, forcing her gaze away from Logan as she exhales. Despite his assurances that they're still friends, Logan's actions seem to say otherwise. And what we had before is over. He made that very clear.
Veronica refocuses her attention on her surroundings, determined to put him out of her mind and enjoy the rest of her afternoon. Madison has returned to the circle. It takes her several moments to catch her breath, but as soon as she does she picks Logan to go next.
"Personal," he requests.
"I've been to Europe twice," Madison tells him.
"False," Logan says instantly.
"He's right. I've been four times."
"Caitlin," Logan chooses.
"Public."
Logan looks over at her with a bit of a smirk. "In England in the 1920's, 'pants' was considered a dirty word."
Caitlin tilts her head at him. "Um… true?"
"False. It was in the 1880's."
Caitlin picks a slip of paper, but unlike Madison she smiles at what it says. "'Skinny dip in the ocean for five minutes. Hold your clothing up as proof.'"
The guys cheer and Caitlin jogs towards the shore, untying her bikini straps before she's even in the water. Veronica looks down, fervently hoping she doesn't have to do anything like that.
The game continues for quite some time, and a wide variety of consequences are carried out by Veronica's friends. She's relieved to discover that she finds it easy to tell when someone is lying, allowing her to escape the humiliation that inevitably accompanies guessing wrong.
They're a creative bunch. Some penalties are brilliant and some are downright mean. Luke has to go streaking down the beach and Shelly has to use the top of one of the Styrofoam coolers as a boogie board. Susan is instructed to smash a child's sandcastle and Dick is required to smear ketchup and mustard on himself like war paint.
And there are more than a few requests to remove an article of clothing; nearly everyone falls prey to that consequence. Even Mac, who takes off her shirt with a very pink face to a chorus of whistles. Veronica is relieved to discover that her friend has a bathing suit on beneath. And even more relieved that it wasn't me.
But time isn't on her side. There are still a lot of notes left in the pile, and Veronica knows her luck may run out eventually. She's just about to casually suggest to Duncan that they go up to the boardwalk for some food when she hears a familiar voice speak her name.
"Veronica," Logan says.
She glances up at him in surprise. "Um, public."
"The male squid turns brown to attract females and white to warn away other male squid suitors," Logan states. "It never shows its white, aggressive side to a female squid."
Veronica considers his statement. She's been paying close attention to Logan throughout the game, and he's fooled every single person so far.
But she's figured out his trick. Logan always changes one small detail of an otherwise factual statement. Veronica knows from her dad that this is the most clever way to lie. It's probably the other way around, she decides. White to attract females and brown to warn off males.
"False," she says confidently.
"True," he corrects.
Logan nods toward the pile of folded papers with one eyebrow raised, and Veronica realizes she's been had. He guessed I'd figure out his game, so he changed it up just for me. Damn it. I should have known he'd do that.
She takes a deep breath and chooses one of the papers, unfolding it and reading it quickly. Her mouth drops open. "I can't do this."
"You have to," Susan replies. "Rules are rules."
"No, I mean I can't do this. Literally."
Logan leans forward and snatches the paper out of her hands. He reads it to himself and rolls his eyes. "This is ridiculous. She's not doing this."
"What does it say?" Duncan asks, looking from Logan to Veronica with concern.
Impatient as ever, Lilly stands up and walks across the circle, taking the slip of paper from Logan. "'Cut off all of your hair'," she reads aloud. Lilly crumples up the paper and tosses it aside. "Yeah, that's not happening."
"Why not?" Madison speaks up. "Everyone else had to do theirs."
"But…" Veronica swallows. "We don't even have any scissors here. Right?"
Duncan shakes his head. "Even if we did have scissors, no one would make you do it. That's crazy."
"So is chasing pigeons, or whatever," Madison argues. "So is running naked down a public beach. I mean, Luke could have gotten arrested for that, but he still did it."
"This is a lasting thing, Madison," Lilly retorts. "Not five minutes of humiliation."
"Oh, I get it," she replies. "Because it's Veronica, the rules are different."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Veronica asks.
Before Madison has a chance to answer, Duncan holds up his hands. "Look, this isn't something she can reasonably do right now anyway. I think we can all agree that these consequences are meant to be carried out here and now, in the context of this game. I could have written down that someone needed to go skydiving. But how could they have done it?"
To Veronica's relief, most of the people around the circle are nodding in agreement. But when her eyes fall upon Madison, the look on her face is so contemptuous that Veronica wishes she had a pair of scissors on her right now, just to prove a point.
"This is getting boring anyway," Lilly says. "Let's do something else."
Carrie bristles at the insult to her game, shooting a nasty look at Lilly before tapping Susan on the arm. "C'mon, let's go for a swim."
Dick produces a Frisbee from somewhere and tosses it into Duncan's lap. "Wind died down. Wanna play?"
"Sure," Duncan agrees. He gives Veronica's arm a squeeze and stands up. She watches as he and Dick head towards an uninhabited patch of beach off to their right.
The remaining members of their group break into smaller clusters but stay gathered in the area. Lilly takes the seat her brother just vacated and faces Veronica.
"Carrie is so sensitive. I'm glad she's not riding in the limo with us." Lilly brushes a bit of sand off her leg. "I did invite Casey and Meg though. I didn't think you'd mind."
"Casey and Meg?" Veronica repeats. She looks over at Casey, still seated atop the cooler. He's talking to Bodie but keeps glancing over at Mac, who's pulling her t-shirt back on over her bathing suit.
"Yeah, I guess they're going as friends or whatever. They decided in Sculpture yesterday."
Veronica frowns, wondering why he didn't ask Mac instead. She turns her head towards Lilly. "Hey, shouldn't you have an actual date before you go making all of these plans?"
"Oh, I have a date. He just doesn't know it yet." Lilly's expression turns calculating as her eyes roam the crowd in front of them. "In fact… it's time I inform the lucky winner."
She stands up, taking confident strides until she reaches her intended target. Lilly places her hands on either side of Devin's face and pulls him into a long, deep kiss. When they break apart, she smiles up at him. "I'll be wearing black," she informs him. "And I like orchids."
Devin glances from Logan to Eileen, looking temporarily at a loss. But when his eyes drop back down to Lilly, his wariness disappears. "Then you'll have orchids," he promises with a smile.
Veronica can't help looking over at Logan, to see how he's handling Lilly's public display. He's still seated opposite her, Shelly on his left and Eileen on his right. Logan's expression remains absolutely neutral as he turns towards Shelly's older sister, whose mouth is dropped open in utter indignation.
"So, does this mean you and I are going together by default?" he jokes, his tone light.
Eileen sniffs. "I don't date younger guys," she informs him. "Even if you are kind of hot." She grabs her purse and stands up. "And P.S.? Your girlfriend is a slut."
"What part of what just happened makes you think she's still my girlfriend?" Logan returns.
"And she's not a slut," Veronica speaks up.
Eileen rolls her eyes. "Whatever. I'm out of here." She spins around and starts heading towards the parking lot, and Shelly hurries after her.
Veronica and Logan exchange a look. The Logan of a few weeks ago would have been trading blows with Devin right now for what just happened. But this Logan appears completely unfazed. What exactly did Shelly give him before, anyway?
She's about to try and find out when Lilly reclaims the seat beside her. "So, that's settled," Lilly announces casually.
Logan stands up as Lilly sits down, grabbing a beer from one of the coolers and walking back over to his towel. Maybe he's not as unbothered by the whole Devin thing as he's pretending to be.
Veronica turns to face Lilly, teetering somewhere between exasperation and admiration. "Well, that's one way to choose a date. Incidentally, what happened to Lewis?"
Lilly makes a face. "Lewis is yesterday's stale bread."
"And how long has that been going on?" Veronica gestures toward Devin, who's still looking a bit dazed.
Lilly flashes her a coy smile. "Long enough."
"While you were dating Lewis?"
"Hey, I never made Lewis any promises."
Lilly stretches out horizontally beneath the sun, covering her eyes with a pair of large Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses. After a moment she reaches for her sarong, rolling it into a ball and placing it beneath her head.
As Veronica watches her friend, she thinks about the promises Lilly did make- to Logan. And she can't help wondering, again, if his suspicions that Lilly had cheated on him were correct.
"Hey, Lil?"
"Hmmm?"
"What about Logan?"
"What about him?"
Veronica sighs. Lilly is being deliberately obtuse. She's going to make her spell it out. "Did you and Lewis start hooking up before you broke up with Logan?"
Lilly shrugs. "There may have been one or two stolen moments," she admits.
When Veronica doesn't respond, Lilly removes her sunglasses and tilts her head upwards. "Nothing serious happened until after. I mean, we just kissed."
Just kissed… It sounds so innocent. But Logan and I just kissed too.
"Come on, Veronica. I know you're not that big of a prude."
"I'm just surprised, I guess." Veronica glances behind her, towards Logan. So he was right, after all. And maybe that possessiveness Lilly always accused him of was more like justified mistrust.
"You're not going to tell him, are you?"
"No, of course not. It's just… Logan's my friend too."
Lilly sits up. "But I'm your best friend," she reminds her. "And you know what best friends do?" She drapes one arm across Veronica's shoulders. "They go to the spa together for a full day of pampering. Tomorrow. On me."
Veronica smiles; but in truth she's deeply bothered by Lilly's confession. Why hadn't Lilly told her about Lewis, or about Devin? And what else hasn't she told me?
She sneaks another look at Logan, who's staring out at the ocean. He'd be so hurt, if he knew. Then again… so would Lilly, if she knew about me and Logan. Veronica closes her eyes and rubs at her forehead. So many secrets to keep. The burden suddenly feels too heavy; like she'll sink into the sand from the weight and be buried alive.
She's distracted from her guilty conscience by Duncan, who's falling headfirst into the square of sand before them. He emerges with the Frisbee held high and the entire front of his body covered in sand. Duncan brushes his free hand across his face, eyes shut tight, while simultaneously attempting to spit sand out of his mouth. "Ouch."
"You idiot," Lilly declares. She lies back down on her towel and replaces the sunglasses on her face.
Veronica gets up and walks over to him, helping him brush the sand off of his chest and abdomen. "Are you okay?"
"I think so," Duncan replies. He opens both eyes cautiously and gives her a wry smile. "So much for trying to impress you with my Frisbee skills."
"Don't be silly," she tells him. "Your fall was spectacular. I'm very impressed."
Duncan laughs. "Not too smooth, huh? Sorry, you make me kind of nervous."
Veronica stops what she's doing and glances up at him. "I make you nervous?" she asks. "Since when?"
He shrugs, his face pink. But that could be from anything. Exertion, sunburn, sandburn…
"Since I realized how much I like you," he finally responds.
Duncan's voice cracks a bit as he says it and Veronica realizes that he's not lying. He is nervous. I make him nervous.
Before she can think of a response, he continues. "In case it wasn't clear, and it probably wasn't, that was me trying to tell you how happy I am that we're together."
His confession is sweet and awkward and endearing. It's what she's dreamt of hearing for so many months, and it should make her body feel weightless and her heart sing with joy. But her body is leaden and her heart is silent.
Duncan's smile falters as he waits for a response, and Veronica is momentarily stricken with panic. She glances from side to side, acutely aware of the many sets of eyes on them. Her nice, uncomplicated boyfriend has suddenly gone and made things very complicated, and she has no idea what to say.
Because Duncan doesn't make me nervous, she recognizes. Not even a little. Not anymore. Those butterflies she used to feel every time he smiled at her have gone still.
Veronica needs time to think, but she doesn't have it. Instead she has one of her closest friends, a boy who's been nothing but kind to her since they were children, eagerly awaiting her reply. And she can't speak her thoughts aloud. She can't watch Duncan's hopeful countenance turn to humiliation in front of all of these people. He deserves better than that.
"Me too," she finally replies.
Duncan's expression relaxes at her words. He takes a step forward and bends his head down to hers, placing a soft kiss on her lips. "Good," he whispers, squeezing her hand.
"Hey Kane!" Bodie calls. "Stop sucking face and toss me that disc. It's Ultimate time."
Veronica and Duncan step apart quickly, both looking around at the small crowd suddenly gathered around them. Dick is making an obscene gesture, clearly directed at them, yet Duncan doesn't see it. Tad and Kenny snicker, but Casey shoves Dick in the chest.
"If you're taking Duncan, we're taking Logan," Sean informs Bodie.
"No one's taking Logan anywhere," Logan mutters from a prone position on his towel. "Logan doesn't want to play."
"Stop being lame," Dick replies, nudging Logan's leg with his foot. "Get up."
"Touch me with your foot again and see what happens."
"Dude, c'mon. The teams are uneven and Friedrich sucks."
"Not gonna happen."
Veronica has been watching the scene disinterestedly, her mind still preoccupied by her revelation about Duncan. Dick continues to push and Logan continues to pull, and she's trying to tune it out. But Dick won't let it go. Just like last night, in the pool. And suddenly, Veronica remembers why Logan didn't want to get in the pool. His wrist.
"Hey, Logan, I thought we were going to grab some hotdogs?" she speaks up.
Logan sits up, meeting her eyes briefly. "Right," he replies. "We were."
"You want me to go instead?" Duncan asks.
"No, that's okay," she tells him. "Play."
"We're still short," Luke reminds them.
"I'll play," Casey speaks up.
"Sweet," Dick replies. "Grab us some extra dogs and drinks, Ronnie, 'kay?"
He takes off down the beach with Casey, Luke, Bodie and Sean, but Duncan doesn't join them. Instead he reaches for his wallet.
Logan stands up and walks over to them quickly. "Don't worry about it, man, I got it."
"Aw, thanks." Duncan elbows him in the side with a grin. "What a gentleman."
"Yeah, yeah."
"You want one or two?" Veronica asks Duncan.
He holds up three fingers and she rolls her eyes. "Fine. But where do you put it?"
Duncan grins and kisses her on the cheek. "Best girlfriend ever."
Painfully aware of Logan's proximity, Veronica steps backwards quickly. "Have fun."
Duncan jogs down the beach to join the others and Veronica turns to face Logan. He's waiting, expressionless, several feet away. She walks forward to join him, and they continue on towards the boardwalk in silence.
xxXxx
Logan
They walk across the beach, up the sand covered steps and down the boardwalk to the hotdog kiosk, all without speaking a single word to one another. Logan grows increasingly frustrated with every step, beginning and ending multiple conversations with her in his mind.
But it's too late now; they've reached the kiosk and the vendor is looking at them expectantly. Logan steps forward. "Can I get, like, twenty hotdogs and four large Cokes?" He nods at Veronica. "And whatever she wants."
"I'll have a chocolate shake and some cheese fries, please."
"Is this together or separate?"
"Separate," Veronica replies.
Logan steps in front of her, handing three twenty dollar bills to the vendor. "Together," he corrects. He looks down at Veronica, whose mouth is already open in protest. "It's like five bucks, Veronica. Quit pouting."
He's hoping for an argument. For something, from her. But Veronica stays quiet, posture rigid and slender arms crossed over her chest.
They wait in continued silence while the vendor prepares their order. When he's finished, he hands Logan the large, grease-stained bag of hotdogs and holds out the drink tray. Logan hesitates before accepting it, wondering if his injured right wrist can take the strain.
Before he has time to transfer the lighter weight bag to his right hand and grab the drinks with his left, Veronica steps forward, wordlessly taking the tray from the vendor.
"Thanks," he says. "And, uh, thanks for covering for me with the whole Frisbee thing."
She nods, already beginning the walk back towards the beach.
Logan follows her, eyes straying towards her frequently as they make their way down the wooden walkway. Veronica glances up at him as they near the steps, catching him in a stare, and he decides to break the silence. "This place kind of reminds me of Laguna Pier."
Veronica's eyes flicker back to his. "Yeah," she replies. "Kind of, I guess."
"That was a fun night," he says, as casually as he can muster.
Veronica stops walking, and Logan follows suit. "Why do you keep doing that?" she demands.
"Doing what?"
"Bringing up stuff from before."
"I didn't know it was off limits," he says with a shrug. "My mistake." Logan continues moving towards the stairs, halting instantly when he feels Veronica's hand on his arm. He turns to face her.
"Stop it, okay?" she pleads. "Just… stop." Veronica takes a deep breath before continuing. "Look, I don't mind talking about it. I want to talk about it."
A laugh escapes Logan's lips, and he can taste the bitterness. "Clearly."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means," he begins slowly. "That I think you prefer pretending the whole thing never happened."
"Me? I'm pretending?" she asks incredulously. "You've barely spoken two words to me since Thursday. And when we do talk, it's like pulling teeth trying to get you to really say anything."
"What am I supposed to say, Veronica? How am I supposed to act?"
"You're supposed to act like you, not like some freaking zombie. You're supposed to…" Veronica trails off, shoulders dropping and gaze cast downward. "You're supposed to talk to me, like I'm me and not some stranger," she says softly. She lifts her chin, looking him directly in the eyes. "Okay? Just… talk to me."
Logan almost caves. He almost spills his guts right there on the boardwalk in front of a crowd of strangers, shouting to the vast blue sky that he loves her and wants her to be his. He almost drops to his knees and begs her to be his, grasping her around the waist so she's forced to hear his confession and absolve him of his sins.
He can feel tears threatening and he bites down hard on the inside of his cheek, turning his head towards the ocean so she can't see his face. His eyes fall upon his group of friends, Duncan and the other guys still playing Ultimate further down the beach. Logan watches them, so carefree in the sunlight, and his despair swells.
Duncan is his brother; his real family. He and Lilly have been his refuge for so long, their house his sanctuary. Veronica offers a different kind of sanctuary, something much riskier but infinitely more fulfilling. Yet, if he takes it, the past is gone and everything else is lost. For him, yes. But, more importantly, for her.
And what the hell do I have to offer her, in return for that sacrifice? Me? I'm no fucking prize. Even less, when I'm standing next to him.
Logan looks at her, finally, his face like stone. "I have nothing to say," he replies. He walks past her and down the stairs, quickening his pace so she can't catch up.
xxXxx
An hour later, Logan is trying very, very hard to convince himself that he made the right call. Veronica won't even look at him, and he can't blame her. She'd been trying to give him another chance today, despite everything he'd said to her in the darkroom; despite the way he's been treating her since. She doesn't understand that I'm doing this to help her, not to hurt her.
But it's growing increasingly more difficult to stick to the plan. Beer isn't nearly as effective a numbing agent as painkillers and whiskey; it's only making him miss her more. It doesn't help that Veronica is seated just opposite him, Duncan and Lilly on either side. And it doesn't help that everyone is currently talking about the dance.
It's a stupid thing to be upset about, but he hates thinking about the three of them all going in a group without him. Dances are their thing. They always go together. He's on the outside, now, and it's a lonely place to be.
He's so distracted that he doesn't see Dick and Luke coming until it's too late. Luke locks his arms under Logan's shoulders and Dick takes his feet. Logan twists his body from side to side, almost managing to break free, when Bodie joins in.
"Not so fast, brother," he tells Logan. "Time for a swim."
They jog forward with Logan still writhing like a tuna in a net, and after a minute he can hear the splash of water beneath their feet and the thunderous sound of crashing waves.
"One, two, three!"
They give him one last heave before they let him go, hurling him into the ocean. Logan takes a deep gulp of air just before he crashes backwards into the water. He relaxes his body as soon as he's submerged, allowing the buoyancy of the water to lift him back up. Within seconds he's upright, his feet touching the ocean floor.
"You guys are assholes," he announces, splashing water at the three of them.
They just laugh and splash him back. Logan won't admit it aloud, but he's secretly pleased at this turn of events. He's been itching to get in the water all day. He floats on his back and stares up at the sky, taking in a breath full of salty air.
Several others follow them into the waves, including Duncan. He and Logan stand in waist deep water, talking about the incoming set and commiserating that they don't have their boards. After a few minutes, Duncan changes the subject.
"Sorry my sister's being such a bitch to you today, man. Rubbing the whole Devin thing in your face like that. You don't deserve that."
Logan shrugs. "I don't know; maybe I do."
"You don't. I don't know why she does stuff like that."
"It doesn't matter."
They're silent for a few seconds, while a lone seagull shrieks in the sky above them. Duncan is looking at him in concern, and Logan is hoping that if he ignores him long enough he'll move on to a new topic.
"Hey, does Veronica seem okay to you?"
But not this topic. "Uh, in what way?"
"I don't know…" Duncan looks towards the shore, his gaze lingering there for a time. "She's been a little quiet today. And she-" He breaks off, shaking his head. "She just isn't acting like herself. Lilly thinks so too. Have you noticed?"
"No, man," he lies, growing steadily more uncomfortable. "She seems like regular old Veronica to me." Logan glances over at him, but Duncan is still gazing in the other direction. "Hey, the sun's starting to go down. I think I'll, uh, head back up to the beach now. You coming?"
"Yeah," Duncan agrees distractedly. "Sure."
It isn't until Logan starts trudging across the sand in his soaking wet clothes that he recalls why he hasn't been in the ocean all day. But he's drenched; he has to take his shirt off. There's no conceivable reason why he'd leave it on.
To his dismay, when he arrives back at his towel the whole group seems to be gathered around. He sighs and glances over at Veronica. She meets his eyes in understanding, and without further ado he tugs off his waterlogged shirt and begins to wring out the excess water.
Just seconds later, he hears Luke start to laugh. "Dude, is that a hickie?"
The rest of the guys start in on him right away, coming over to investigate and teasing him mercilessly. Logan is careful not to look directly at Veronica, but he can see her in his peripheral vision. She seems to be very interested in untangling a knot in her hair.
"Someone's been getting some lovin', huh?" Bodie says, elbowing him in the ribs. "Who's the lucky little mamacita?"
"Just this chick I met." Logan scans the beach for inspiration, his eyes landing on Mac. "Maxine."
"Maxine?" Lilly repeats. "She sounds like a French prostitute."
"Prostitute?" Logan looks over at her with a smirk. "I think we both know that I don't need to pay for it."
"Dude, bring her to Mexico next weekend," Dick says. "An offering to the surf gods."
"Are you suggesting we drown her? Because if so, that's an emphatic no."
"Huh? No, man. Like the Aztecs used to do rituals and shit, right? On top of those Lego looking pyramids in the jungle?"
"What, like a virgin sacrifice?" Casey speaks up with a laugh. "Something tells me that Maxine the neck-sucker is ineligible."
"Then we'll just have to bring Ronnie," Dick returns, snorting at his own joke. Madison and Susan laugh loudly.
Logan glances over at Veronica, hoping she didn't hear. But her face is pink and she's staring down at her towel. He nudges Duncan in the side. "You gonna let him talk about your girl that way?" he mutters.
Duncan turns to Dick with a frown. "Dude, that's not funny. Apologize."
"Oh, right, I forgot you two are all cozy now," Dick replies. "Sorry, blondie. My bad."
"What was that?" Veronica asks, feigning ignorance. "I stopped listening to you years ago."
Everyone laughs and the subject shifts to something else. Logan leans back on his towel, grateful that both of them are out of the line of fire. He watches the sun dip lower in the sky, trying not to watch the way it's turning Veronica's hair copper and her skin gold.
A shadow crosses his view, and he looks up to see Devin standing before him. "Hey, man. Mind if I sit?"
"Go for it."
Devin takes a seat on the sand in front of him. "Listen, I just wanted to say… I should have asked if you minded me taking Lilly to the dance. But Duncan mentioned you were seeing someone else, so I figured…"
Logan shrugs. "No problem, man. It's fine."
"Nice. Thanks for being so cool about it. So a French chick, huh?"
"French Canadian, actually," he replies, deciding to have a little fun with it. "But yeah, she's a handful."
"I knew you'd land on your feet," Devin says with a grin. He claps him on the back and stands up. "Have fun with that."
"Will do," Logan replies.
His eyes follow Devin in the waning sun, as he walks across the sand to reclaim his spot next to Lilly. She'll grow bored with him soon. He knows this. Devin is far too interested in her to keep her attention.
And then what? he wonders. Will she circle back to me?
But that's not the real question on his mind. The real question is if she tries, will I let her? He's been angry with Lilly ever since that night at her house, when he'd found her outside with his father. So angry that he hasn't even let himself consider the possibility of reconciliation.
Could things ever go back to the way they were? The four of us back together again, hanging around their pool or tossing popcorn at each other in their den? Would time just reset, like a fresh new life in a video game? Would Veronica and I learn to forget all about what we shared, never speaking of it until it seemed like some vague dream in someone else's past?
It's an intriguing thought. And yet, it fills him with sadness.
Logan finds Veronica's silhouette in the gathering darkness, but he can no longer see her eyes. She could be watching him right now. Or she could be watching Duncan.
And I have to accept that. It's why I stepped aside in the first place. He's the one she deserves, not me. But maybe I need to step even further away. To walk away completely, until I can handle being near her again. Because who am I kidding? I haven't been her friend.
Veronica doesn't need him hanging around, baiting her every chance he gets just so he can feel a whispered echo of what they'd had. He has to trust that Duncan and Lilly will be there for her instead, for the time being. He's just not capable of it right now.
Because I'm in love with her, still. And it's quite possible I always will be.
xxXxx
"Dude, I told you I rock at this game."
Logan doesn't even glance up. "You're on peach. My grandmother can make it to peach, and she's dead. Talk to me when you reach banana." He snaps his bottle cap into the corner of Casey's game room and takes another sip of his beer.
Seconds later, he hears the telltale tune that heralds a lost life and he shakes his head. "Wait a minute. Did you say you rock, or you suck?" he asks. "Maybe I misheard you."
"One more," Dick mutters. "I'm in the zone now."
"The zone?" Logan scoffs. "You're not even on the highway to the zone."
"I think he's on the sidewalk next to the highway to the zone," Casey adds.
"Are we talking about the danger zone?" Sean asks.
"Does he look like he belongs in the danger zone?" Logan returns.
"Quit distracting me, you fucking circus monkeys." Dick leans closer to the game, obviously attempting to drown them out.
"So I take it we're done for the day?" Casey checks.
"No point in heading back now," Luke agrees. "It's already, like, seventh period."
Sean glances over at him. "I thought you jock types got your asses kicked if you skipped?"
"Baseball season doesn't start for two more weeks. I can still be a delinquent until then." Luke nudges Logan's arm with the toe of his sneaker. "What about you, dude? Are you even bothering to show up anymore?"
Luke has a valid point. In the four school days that have passed since the beach party, Logan has spent far more time outside of class than in it.
"I took the early shift," he replies with a yawn, settling more comfortably onto Casey's couch. "Mr. Amico is the only one who gives me a hard time. As long as I make it to his class, I'm all good."
It's a lie, but if the others are aware they don't call him out on it. He's likely to get into big trouble when someone finally notices how many classes he's skipped this week. But the only way he can stomach school, these days, is with a little recreational chemistry. And his morning snack of Percocet and Jameson doesn't quite make him the most diligent student in the world.
Of course, that's only half of the truth. The other half is that after four hours in the company of Veronica, Duncan or- worst of all- a combination of the two, he's reached the threshold of what he can tolerate.
The painkillers have worn off by lunch, just in time to endure watching the two of them wade through the sparkling waters of young love together. Every time Duncan whispers in Veronica's ear, every time she smiles up at him in reply, Logan feels a little bit more hollow. A little bit less.
He's indescribably jealous and he knows it. He tries to distract himself by every means possible, but it's like he's stuck in orbit around them. People are talking about the new couple everywhere he goes, and he's forced to smile like he's fucking happy about it.
But he can't react. He won't. He owes it to her to stand aside so she can live the life she's meant to live. So he goofs around with his friends and trades jibes with Lilly, pretends to give a shit about what the other girls at his table say to him and manages to choke down his lunch. And then, he gets the hell out of there as fast as he can.
"Game over, man!" Luke calls out to Dick, jolting Logan out of his reverie. "Game over!"
Dick smacks the joystick to one side in a rare display of frustration. He turns towards the rest of them, all lounging on various couches and chairs, and he throws his hands up into the air. "Fuck it, dude. Let's go bowling."
He pulls a glass bowl out of his pocket and takes a hit. After a long, smoky exhale he looks up. "Seriously. Let's go bowling."
"Sure, I'm game," Luke agrees easily.
"Me too," Sean adds.
Logan considers for a moment. His wrist is still a little sore, but he doubts anyone will notice if he bowls southpaw. Thanks to Bodie's stash, they're not the most astute group of gentleman at the moment. Besides, I'm decent with my left.
"Let's see if anyone else wants to come," Casey suggests. "They'll all be getting out soon anyway."
Logan's mouth snaps closed on his own endorsement. "Anyone else" includes Duncan and Veronica. I'd rather go home and take my chances with Dad.
It isn't likely that his father will be a problem today, anyway. His sister Trina is in town, for an acting workshop led by Tommy Wiseau, and his dad hasn't lain a finger on him all week. He's always on his best behavior when Daughter Dearest is around.
"I'm out," Logan speaks up, giving no explanation why. "Someone drop me off at my house?"
xxXxx
The following afternoon, Logan looks impatiently at his watch. Ten more minutes. I can handle ten more minutes…
"How many calories are in a chewable vitamin?" Madison asks, holding up a circular pink pill.
"I don't know," Logan replies. "Like, fifty?"
"Oh my god, are you serious?" She tosses the pill onto her plate like it's poisonous. "My mother knows I'm on a diet. Why didn't she tell me?"
Logan glances over at her in mild amusement. "Why don't you just take the normal kind?"
"Because I don't like to swallow."
"That's not what I hear," Lilly mutters beside him.
Logan coughs to hide his chuckle, and Madison gives him a sidelong glance. "That is," she amends, lowering her voice so only he can hear. "Under most circumstances." Madison places one hand beneath her hair, sweeping it across her shoulders. "It's too bad you missed your chance to find out what those are…"
"Oh yeah? Why's that?"
"Because I'm going to the dance with Dick," she reminds him. Madison looks up at him from beneath her lashes. "But that doesn't mean we can't dance tonight, too."
"I'll pencil you in," he replies.
Lilly glances up at him. "So you are going?"
Logan shrugs, taking a perfunctory bite of his meatball parm. "Not sure yet. I might go stag."
"The stags are the ones who get all the tail, my brother," Bodie says with a grin.
"Excellent point." Logan slaps Bodie's waiting hand and returns to his sandwich.
"Why don't you take Maxine?" Lilly suggests. "We're all dying to meet her."
"Our relationship doesn't involve any actual outings," he informs her. "She expresses herself best indoors."
Lilly rolls his eyes and Logan grins. He has to admit, he's having fun lording his fake relationship over Lilly. She tries to play it cool, but he can tell she's annoyed every time he talks about it. Which is nothing compared to what her reaction would be if she knew who really left that mark.
"Dude, you gotta watch out for chicks who like to gnaw on your flesh," Dick tells him. He captures his bottom lip in his upper teeth and sucks inward. "Quick pro quo, Dr. Lecter. Quick pro quo."
"It's quid pro quo, Dick," Veronica speaks up. "Quid. Quick pro quo is when Steve the roofing guy gets you a quote in under ten minutes.
Everyone at their table laughs, minus the blonde girl seated to his right.
"What the hell is her problem?" Madison mutters to Logan.
"Good question," he replies, eyeing Veronica curiously.
"Squid pro quo?" Dick asks her. "What does that even mean?"
"It's Latin," Casey says. "It means 'tell me what I want to know and I'll give you some calamari'."
This time they all laugh except for Veronica, who doesn't even crack a smile. Logan continues to watch her, concerned, until she looks up at him. He glances down at his food instantly. They're not in the habit of looking directly at one another, anymore. It's easier that way.
Yet, for the thousandth time in a week he regrets pushing her away. He wishes they'd had their five days; that he'd let things play out instead of folding his hand. Maybe she would have chosen me, if I'd let her…
It's impossible to tell. Veronica's been showing him nothing but detached civility all week. Polite smiles; succinct responses. It's what he's driven her to and he knows it. But it's absolutely brutal.
Logan wonders, sometimes, if he could make a wish to a genie or some kind of blue fairy… would he wish that all of it had never happened? Are all of his beautiful memories worth the price of his current pain? And- far worse- the cost of their friendship?
If I hadn't followed her down that stone path. If I hadn't left her that note, in the diner. If I hadn't kept pursuing her, even after she tried to walk away...
He doesn't have an answer. All he knows is that it's torment watching her be with another guy. It doesn't matter that the guy is his best friend. And it doesn't matter that I want to be happy for them. Because the truth is, I'm not.
Logan casts a guilty glance in Veronica and Duncan's direction. Their heads are bowed close together, discussing something he can't hear. Logan stands up hastily. "All right, I'm out," he announces, tossing the rest of his sandwich back onto its foil wrapper. "Who's with me?"
xxXxx
Veronica
"What's up with him lately?" Meg asks, nodding at Logan's departing back. "He seems a little…"
"Inebriated?" Veronica suggests.
"I was going to say sad."
"I think that slutty new girlfriend of his is a bad influence," Madison says. "I mean, give me a break. Hickies are so tacky."
It's a pretty hilarious statement coming from her, considering she was sporting one in the girl's locker room on Monday morning. Pretending like she didn't know it was there, but clearly pleased when we all noticed. And being very coy about it, when Susan asked her what she and Logan had been doing upstairs together for so long, at Dick's party.
The thought of them together still fills Veronica with disgust. Even watching Madison flirt with him today had made her lose her appetite completely. But Logan had told her nothing happened between them, that night. And despite everything that's passed between them since, Veronica is choosing to believe him.
Not like I have any claim on him anyway, she reminds herself quickly. It's a foregone conclusion that Logan won't stay single for long; not when most of the female population of Neptune High is clamoring for his attention. Including Lilly.
Veronica tries to swat that thought away but it's already out, buzzing around her head. She knows her friend well, and she knows that she's not wrong about this. Ever since Logan spun his tale about "Maxine", her friend has been watching him like a hawk. Lilly may act like a free spirit, but she's got a possessive streak a mile wide. And she doesn't like other people playing with her toys.
"No," Duncan says quietly, his eyes still lingering on his friend. "Something's wrong."
"What makes you say that?" Veronica asks.
He glances down at her, eyebrows furrowed in concern. "Logan's barely been here all week," he replies. "Haven't you noticed? And he's kind of-"
Duncan breaks off, shaking his head.
"What?" she presses.
"I don't know. Maybe I'm being paranoid, but doesn't it seem like he's avoiding me?"
Veronica looks down at her barely eaten chicken Caesar wrap. It's not you he's avoiding, she tells him mutely. It's me.
Logan has been silent in English class but pleasant enough to her in Algebra. She supposes that's for Duncan's sake. He always takes the furthest available seat away from her at lunch time. And he hasn't shown up to Photography all week.
Veronica is relieved that he won't be at the dance. Being around him is stressful. She tries to ignore him, when he's near, but she's hyper aware of his presence. I'm already nervous enough about tonight, without having to worry about him being there too.
She turns towards Duncan with a reassuring smile. "No," she replies. "I haven't noticed anything like that at all."
"Okay," he says slowly, still looking unsure. "Good."
John asks Duncan a question about their upcoming match and his attention is quickly diverted. Veronica unpeels the tortilla from her wrap listlessly, her thoughts wandering as other conversations float unheard around her.
The anxiety she's feeling about tonight's dance is stemming from a promise that she made to herself, that night on the beach. She'd decided, as she was staring towards Logan's shadowy form in the darkness, that despite the disappearance of those fluttering butterflies, she owed Duncan more time.
She'd already agreed to go to the dance with him, and she hadn't wanted to cancel less than a week away. So Veronica had made a pact with herself that she'd give their relationship until the dance. If I still don't feel it when I'm in his arms, swaying back and forth to the music under sparkling streamers, then I think it's safe to say that it's gone for good.
It's not that she doesn't feel anything, when they're together. Duncan's one of the few guys who she's completely comfortable around. Who knows and gets her sense of humor, who usually understands where she's coming from. He's sweet and attentive to her, and- most importantly- he doesn't ask her any difficult questions.
A crumpled up napkin lands on her tray and Veronica looks up. Lilly is staring at her, looking slightly irritated. "God, Veronica. I've been calling your name for, like, five minutes."
"Sorry. What's up?"
Lilly's aggravation disappears, replaced by a wide smile. "You're coming over before the dance, right?"
"Yeah," she confirms. "Right after my shift ends."
Lilly crinkles her nose. "You're not going to smell like diner grease, are you?"
"Of course not," Veronica says, rolling her eyes. "I'm going home to shower first."
"Good. So are you all ready?"
Veronica nods, jaw tightened in determination. "Yes," she replies. "I'm ready."
xxXxx
The gym has been transformed into a winter wonderland; which isn't without irony, considering the current heat wave they're experiencing across southern California. Still, Veronica thinks, as she peers at the floating white and silver balloons above her and the yards of glittery cotton stretched across the floor. It does look kind of neat.
Her date is looking pretty good too, she acknowledges, as she eyes Duncan in his well-tailored tuxedo. They'd had fun at dinner, neither of them entirely sure what they were ordering but game to try it anyway, and Veronica is feeling more positive than she has in a long time. Maybe everything's going to work out after all…
Their first slow dance may be the real test though, she decides. Despite spending all week together, Duncan has been extremely hesitant to initiate any physical contact. They have yet to do anything more than kiss. And none of those kisses have come anywhere close to the hours-long marathon events they'd been with Logan.
She scans the crowd for him now; she can't help it. But Logan's not with the rest of the guys in their group, who are currently throwing snowflake confetti at one another on the bleachers. And he's not on the dance floor, either.
Veronica knows she should be happy that he isn't there. Yet she's had this feeling all night, like there's a hole in their group. A void. She'd felt it when they were taking pictures before the dance. She'd felt it when they were in the limo, on the way here. And she feels it now. Something is missing.
Just then she spots Logan, loitering at the entrance to the gym. And he's not only staring right at her, he's also gesturing for her to come towards him.
Veronica glances from Duncan to Lilly. They're speaking to one another across the gym, involved in what appears to be a serious conversation. Before Veronica can talk herself out of it, she hurries forward to meet Logan.
She can tell he's been drinking before she even reaches him, and she almost turns back. But he disappears from her sight and she continues on, equal parts curious and concerned. He's not in the hallway when she steps outside the gym. Veronica pauses to think for a minute, and then she heads down the unlit corridor to her left.
xxXxx
Logan's sitting on the workbench when she walks into the darkroom, tuxedo-clad legs swinging back and forth. His image grows clearer as she walks closer to him, her eyes adjusting to the red haze of the room.
He whistles at her as she approaches. "Well, look at you," he remarks appreciatively. "You really went all out for your big date with Duncan, huh?"
Veronica stops moving. "That's why you wanted me to come here? So you could insult me again?" She shakes her head. "Thanks, but I think I'll pass."
Logan jumps off the table and holds up both hands, surprisingly agile considering his current state. "Wait," he requests. "I didn't mean it as an insult. You look beautiful. Just…"
"Just what?" she demands.
"This is what you want?" Logan waves a hand towards the general direction of the gymnasium. "All of this glitz and glamour bullshit? Perfect hair, perfect dress... C'mon, Veronica. Your life isn't exactly a Hallmark card."
"Maybe not. But what's so wrong with wanting people to think it is?"
"So you actually give a shit what these people think about you?"
"Yes," she replies. "I do. And you do too, so you can stop being a hypocrite any time now. Besides, there's nothing wrong with wanting to fit in."
"There is if it means pretending to be someone that you're not."
Veronica smirks up at him. "Well, I learned from the best. No one is more adept at pretending than you."
Logan responds with an exaggerated bow, sweeping his arm outward in a grand gesture. "My pleasure."
She rolls her eyes at his theatrics. "What are you even doing here? I thought you weren't coming."
"What am I doing here?" he repeats, enunciating every syllable. "That's a very, very good question. What am I doing here? Is it just for winter cheer?"
"Are we in a Dr. Seuss book?" she asks. "Jesus you're drunk."
"I certainly am."
"Don't you think that's a bad idea?"
"Nope. I think it's a fantastic idea."
"If anyone finds out, you could get into a lot of trouble."
"I'm aware of that," he replies mildly. "Thanks."
"I just don't want to see you get hurt."
"Yeah, well it's a little late for that." Logan's lips form an ironic smile. "So, is it everything you hoped it would be?"
"Is what?" she asks, starting to get annoyed at his ambiguity. "Say what you mean."
Logan steps forward, articulating clearly. "Dun-can." He clasps his hands together and pulls them to his chest, batting his eyelashes rapidly. "The perfect high school romance."
Veronica puts her hands on her hips. "Well he's a hell of a lot less difficult than you are, for starters."
"Better kisser?" he asks conversationally, pulling his flask out of his pocket.
"Are you asking me or telling me?" she returns. "I mean, you two have known one another a long time. Lots of late, lonely nights…"
Logan snorts at that, and she takes the opportunity to make a grab for his flask. But he's too quick for her. One hand closes around her own and the other grasps her shoulder, preventing forward movement. But also preventing escape.
Their eyes lock, and for the first time in a week neither one of them looks away. Logan removes his hand from her shoulder and, very slowly, places it on her cheek.
He traces his thumb down her jawline to her chin, the tips of his fingers brushing gently across her mouth. Veronica's lips part involuntarily at the contact.
"What are you doing?" she whispers.
"I'm not pretending anymore," he answers softly. "I want to kiss you."
And she wants to kiss him. So much that it hurts. But then she remembers that there are over two hundred people, not fifty feet away. One of whom happens to be my boyfriend.
It takes all of her willpower to move. Yet she manages to do it, breaking out of Logan's grip and stepping backwards. "I can't," she says shakily.
Logan nods his head, a slow smirk spreading across his lips. "So, I'm not good enough for Princess Veronica anymore, huh?" He unscrews the top of his flask and takes a sip. "Not good enough for Princess Veronica or Queen Lilly. Looks like I'll have to go looking for some nice little peasant girl instead."
Veronica narrows her eyes at him. "Go right ahead," she retorts coldly. "There are plenty of willing candidates right outside that door."
She heads quickly for the door in question and pushes through it, heedless of what she'll find on the other side. Luckily the hall is empty, and she hurries down it and back towards the gym.
"Veronica!" Logan calls after her. "Veronica, wait!"
He catches up to her just before she reaches the gym, grabbing her arm to stop her. She spins around, prepared for war. But her spiked comeback dies on her lips at the sight of the naked desperation in his eyes.
"I'm sorry," he pleads. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean what I said. And I didn't mean to…" Logan stops, taking a moment to catch his breath. "The reason I came here tonight was to tell you-"
"There you are." Duncan speaks up behind them. He walks forward, carrying two glasses of red liquid. "I found the punch. Sorry it took so long." He spots Logan behind her, and he smiles. "Hey, you made it. And I see you brought your own brand of punch."
Logan glances down at the flask in his hand, slipping it quickly back into his pocket. "You know me," he replies. "Always ready for a party." He gives Duncan a tight smile. "I better go find the other troublemakers. Have fun, you two."
Veronica's mouth opens in protest as Logan begins to walk away, his hands shoved into his pants pockets and his head bowed down. He's as infuriating as ever. She has no idea how she's supposed to handle him or how she's supposed to interpret their latest interaction. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath before looking up at Duncan.
This is supposed to be his time. I'm his date. I made a promise to myself that I'd give him a chance, and instead I end up alone in the darkroom with Logan. Almost kissing.
"Thanks for the drink," Veronica says, accepting the plastic cup of punch.
"No problem. Everything okay with Logan?"
"Fine," she replies. "He's just drunk."
"It can't be easy for him, watching Lilly and Devin together," Duncan says quietly. "Not like that's going to last anyway."
"What makes you say that?"
Duncan shakes his head. "Nothing. C'mon, let's go back inside."
Veronica nods, determined to focus her attention on Duncan for the rest of the evening.
However, it's easier said than done. As the night progresses, Logan gets more and more drunk. She tries not to pay attention when she hears him joking loudly with the other guys. Tries not to care when she sees him dancing with other girls. And tries not to worry when she witnesses him fall off the bleachers.
But when she realizes that his head is bleeding, as he stands up, she moves to intervene. Duncan holds out his hand to stop her. "I'll take care of it," he promises. He stands up and steps forward, grabbing a pile of napkins off the refreshment table as he goes.
Veronica looks over at Lilly, seated beside her, but her friend just shakes her head. "Logan's a big boy, Veronica. He can take care of himself."
"Does it really look like he's taking care of himself?" she returns.
Lilly's eyes travel to where her brother is standing, attempting to get Logan to hold the napkins up to his forehead. Logan is laughing and waving him away. After a moment, Lilly sighs. "Fine."
She fishes her cell phone out of her purse and begins to dial. "Hey, Trina," Lilly speaks into the phone. "It's Lilly. You busy?"
xxXxx
Logan doesn't say goodbye and Veronica doesn't watch him leave. And when a slow dance starts and Duncan holds out his hand, she takes it willingly and follows him out onto the dance floor.
Yet as they sway in time to the long, low guitar notes, her heart maintains its steady rhythm and her breathing remains even. She's not feeling the little jump in her belly that she used to feel, every time Duncan was close by.
By the time he leans down to kiss her, she already knows. But she kisses him back anyway, trying one last time to resuscitate those lost feelings. It doesn't work.
And Veronica is having a very hard time trying to figure out why. Duncan's got every prerequisite covered, and he's tall, dark and handsome to boot. It's a solid fact that most of the girls there would kill to be in his arms right now.
Is it because the fantasy relationship I imagined sharing with him for so long was an impossible expectation to live up to? Did I set us up for failure?
Because the reality of being in such a public relationship, everyone's eyes always upon them, is not quite what she'd imagined. If she's honest with herself, she'd preferred the clandestine nature of her meetings with Logan. At least we'd had our privacy.
There are other things I prefer about Logan, too, a tiny part of her mind whispers. Veronica's considering them before she can stop herself, studying her dance partner with an analytical eye.
Duncan seems far too broad in comparison to Logan's slim frame. Too lumbering after Logan's constant, fluid movements. He's smart, but not clever. Funny, but not witty. When Duncan touches her, she merely feels the warmth of his hands. But when Logan touches me, he makes my skin shiver and my breath quicken. When he's near, my heart begins to pound.
Being with Logan doesn't make her feel relaxed and safe and warm, like being with Duncan does. Being with him makes her feel dangerous and off-balance and exhilarated. He's the most complicated person she's ever met, and she's not sure if she'll ever be able to figure out what he's thinking or how he'll react next. It scares her, that he's so unpredictable. But it also makes me feel more alive.
And finally, Veronica understands. Whatever attraction she'd had for Duncan has been replaced by her overwhelming desire for Logan. And that desire, she admits to herself, isn't just physical.
The weight of her discovery causes Veronica to drop her arms and step backward. As she comes back to the present, refocusing on her surroundings and the young man before her, she realizes that the music has stopped. The song is over and their dance has come to an end.
Thanks for reading. Please review! :)
A/N Sorry I wasn't able to post this on Sunday. The entire 8,000+ word beach scene (made up game and all) was totally unplanned and written on the fly. Hope it worked out okay.