A/N: Yes, this story was intended to make you feel miserable and angry. So it's a success in my part? :D
If you decide to stay then thanks.
As I will say again, this will kind of be a slow burn. Sorry.
But to give you hope, and I will only mention this once, this story might be about the complexity, and beauty, of starting all over again.
Chapter 13
Strangers
-Three Years Ago,
Tokyo Hospital-
"Such a bummer, isn't it?" The broken girl wiped her tears on the back of her hand like a child.
Sango, for the most part, could only look away from the girl sitting across her. It was her cousin Kagome's first week of inpatient treatment, she knew that adjusting in a highly different, extremely controlled environment would be difficult. But the signs of her heiress cousin slipping back into the cracks of severe depression were showing, and the family had to bring her here, else she fall back into that catatonic state she had been in when she was seven years old.
"I'm sorry, Sango… Please, just… allow me to be this way,
Just…
Please."
The blue-eyed heiress broke down and buried her face on the palm of her hands, shaking her head in embarrassment.
The tears would not cease to fall.
The cries of heartbreak were too much to bear, Sango wished she could have just been numb, even for a second, just to endure this.
But here she was, in front of her vulnerable cousin, trying to relay more heartbreaking news. The lawyer wished it would have been someone else.
But the headstrong Kouga refused to be the messenger.
Ayame and Miroku just fell into silence.
Who else should do it?
It had to be done.
"I promised not to cry over him anymore, I promised over their graves…" Kagome sobbed, "But please… just, until I completely recover,
I haven't completely recovered."
Little Haku's death certificate needed a father's name. And it would only be right to put Sesshomaru Taisho in it, who else should be?
Everything had been arranged, the process should have gone smoothly. But there was one crucial step that needed to be done: notify the legal father of his loss.
It was not necessary, but didn't he have the right to know?
Because Kagome was admitted into a rehab facility for three weeks, the rest of the family just tried to take on the task themselves.
But they found that Sesshomaru was out of the country for a mission in South Africa.
And he had just married his colleague,
And they were off on leave, spending their one-week honeymoon in Paris.
"Do you want me to tell him about Haku?" Sango said, finally raising her gaze to the forlorn girl.
Kagome still had her face buried in her hands, "Alors, he accused me of 'moving on', when he was the one who never looked back…"
"Kagome, do you want me to tell him about Haku?"
"He didn't come and visit me in the hospital,
Never even a call when the news broke…
I thought, from all the loss, he would be here to at least give me condolence," Kagome sobbed.
"Kagome," Sango reached out and took her hands,
"Don't tell him," Kagome finally said, her words barely audible from her stifled cries, "He's living his dream as he wants, who am I to ruin a happy life?" And the young woman looked up to her, her eyes red and raw from all the crying, "Sango, for all this time my world revolved around him…
And time and time again has proved he never even cared.
I was nothing to him, I just deluded myself into thinking I was.
I can't do this anymore, there must be another way to live.
Mon Dieux… there must be a way out of this hell…"
Her lawyer cousin rose from her position. She walked around the table and trapped the crying girl in her arms. "There is, I know it looks impossible, but there is.
We'll find a way, Gome-chan,
Please don't ever lose hope.
We'll never let go of you…
That is one promise you can forever count on."
The girl melted in her arms.
Something shifted from behind them, and Sango tilted her head to see.
"We thought you needed back-up," a familiar voice said. Kouga was there, with Ayame and Miroku, and the old Kaede, "Looks like you already broke the news though,"
They strode forward and embraced the girl.
"I can't do this on my own," Kagome whispered.
"You don't have to. We're all here."
He stared at the painfully familiar woman that bowed before him, and he couldn't believe, in overwhelming heartbreak, how distant she now seemed.
Far from the sweet girl who followed him around with pleading eyes, the young woman recovered from her bow and smiled so very casually at him,
As if she were a pleased acquaintance,
As if they never shared a past.
"Taisho-san," she said, "Glad to see you made it tonight. How was your flight?" she made a slight step backward to establish distance, the rest of the people in the room lowered their heads, following her lead. She was the alpha in the room full of high-ranking people, "Taisho-san," she said again when he didn't answer. And the formality sounded very weird, coming from lips he used to kiss and dominate,
*"Sesshomaru-kun," She would say as she climbed onto him, with only his button-up shirt covering her warm body, "Did you have a rough day?"*
"Taisho-san." A firm male voice cut his trance. Shippo had his arm on his shoulder, "Is everything alright?"
The golden-eyed doctor stared at him like a deer caught in headlights. "I-" Sesshomaru started, stuttering, "I-"
Cruel.
Fate was cruel, time was cruel.
And Sesshomaru stood there, unable to move his faculties, utterly overwhelmed with emotion.
The guests were staring.
The ruthless corporate lawyer was gloating, a vengeful smile curving secretly on his lips.
But there was no comfort of alcohol to numb this… emotion…
And the world started to dim and cave in around him. He couldn't handle it.
He reeled back, losing his footing. He mumbled incoherently, he staggered and was about to fall back.
But before he was to fall and make an utter fool of himself, a gentle hand steadied the small of his back. That little tap instantly spread a warmth that reached deep in his consciousness,
Not from anyone, in the four years past, did he feel genuine concern, a real human connection. His ex-wives dealt him anger and frustration. Inuyasha and his family, although they were giving him monthly monetary support, had distanced themselves because of his addiction.
That one single touch brought him back from the void he was falling in, and he turned to see who it was.
And he stared in disbelief at the little figure beside him, that one unexpected figure who had apparently run to his side in that most embarrassing moment.
"Taisho-san has been through a lot today," Kagome said, her touch was light and gentle as she withdrew her hand. She turned to the crowd, "This is my fault, I tried to push through with his induction. He might need some rest," she smiled apologetically at the guests.
"No such fault," one of the executives said, "Taisho-san, we'll see each other at the board meeting next week."
The rest of the executives nodded their heads in approval.
The golden-eyed doctor remained dumbfounded.
And the blue-eyed heiress, with an ever-so-pleasant smile plastered on her beautiful, tranquil face, gently tugged at Sesshomaru's arm to lead him outside.
"Kagome-" Shippo started, but she raised her hand to halt him, and he did indeed stop. She turned to the Vice-President and gave him a reassuring smile.
"I'll be alright, Harada."
The intense hatred in Shippo's eyes melted into a quiet resignation. With one cleansing breath, he turned to entertain the guests who had started with their usual chatter as dinner had started to be served.
The rain had not stopped, it only grew stronger when she walked him out of the building.
He did not notice she had opened an umbrella to shield them from the downpour.
He did not realize there was a limousine waiting for him with open doors, he didn't feel anything else when she gently pushed him inside and shut the door between them.
And he remained in stunned detachment as the vehicle started to pull away.
"Have a good rest, Taisho-san," She bowed slightly, very formally, "I duly apologize for the inconvenience."
The limousine started to drive away. He stared absently into nothing, unable to think, his mind stuck in a horrible trance.
It couldn't be her.
It couldn't be that sweet girl who wore oversized sweaters and slept on his bed, murmuring his name even in her dreams. It couldn't be that girl who pouted if he forgot to text her when he came home late…
It couldn't be that girl of four years ago, crying on the bathroom floor, clutching a positive pregnancy test and his crumpled, handwritten letter.
Flashbacks of their last night together burned into his thoughts,
*"How does it feel like to have everyone wrapped in your finger, you little harlot?"*
*She clutched her heart and shook her head, "Mon Cheri, it was only you, it has only been you!"*
*Sesshomaru-kun, this child is –"*
*"I'm glad I got rid of you, you desperate whore."*
The world came rushing back before him. There was something that finally snapped.
"Stop," he muttered, and the driver raised his eyes to the mirror, "Stop!" Sesshomaru finally said, and the driver slammed the breaks.
The golden-eyed doctor swung the door open. He ran into the downpour, never mind the chill of the night wind. Never mind he was getting drenched in the rain… he saw her small figure, under the protection of the umbrella, walking away.
"Kagome," He croaked, stumbling from the terrible headache that was starting from his alcohol withdrawals, "Kagome!"
She stopped, right under the lamp post, but she never turned.
He continued to run, his entire body starting to shake. All from the four years of grief and longing, and he reached out… she was just at arm's length—
"Please don't… touch me," she said, "I don't... like it."
It was as if he was doused with ice cold water. Suddenly his chest tightened, it was getting hard to breathe. "What…" he could only mutter, and Kami only knows how hard he tried to control his shaking hands from reaching out to her- she was just an arm's length away!
He clenched his jaw and curled his fist, and he punched the lamp post beside them, unable to restrain his frustration.
Bathed under the nostalgic golden light, under the solemn drumming of the torrential rain, Kagome's kimono-clad figure stood quiet and still, like a little doll poised perfectly under a glass case. Never moving,
not even bothering to spare him a glance.
"Kagome," He hung his head in shame, unable to hold back his tears, "Kagome, I'm sorry…" he pleaded, but his heart sank when she took a step back further, "I'm so sorry…" he begged, wanting her to listen.
"Taisho-san," She started. Her voice, damn her voice… how he missed it, "It's already been four years. Haven't you moved on?"
That single sentence shattered him into a million pieces.
The doctor, drenched and miserable under the rain, fell to his knees.
"Stand up," she said softly, but she still didn't care to look at him. "Je suis desole, but I don't have time for this."
He wanted to wrap his arms around her, but she didn't want to be touched. He reached out and tugged at the ends of her kimono, probably the most pathetic thing a man could have done… but he recalled the many times she did so to him, without shame, such a long time ago it seemed,
When she would beg him to stay with him, and not go out with his fake fiancee.
She sighed lightly. Kagome finally shifted:
"Five minutes," she said, and Sesshomaru looked up at her in confusion. She was as still and tranquil as the perfect little doll she had always been, "I'm giving you five minutes to listen to what you have to say.
I'll be catching a red-eye to Venice tonight. My schedule is tight, Taisho-san.
Five minutes."
"I thought you were dead," He choked out in panic, "The four years I thought you were dead…"
"You thought I was dead?" she made a light sound, was she laughing? "Alors, I was very much alive. What else, Taisho-san?
Four minutes."
He let go of her Kimono and scrambled for words. All the four years of yearning for her, how cruel… trying to condense it in such a short amount of time… the doctor clutched the side of his head, his hands were getting tremulous. Nausea started pushing his throat, he needed the relief of alcohol at that moment.
But she was in front of him, right in front of him!
For all the years he thought only of his safety and neglected her… he wouldn't dare allow that to happen,
Losing her again… letting her slip away-
"Three," she said quietly, calmly.
"I'm sorry," he clenched his hands tight in frustration, the downpour and his tears falling on his hands,
"Now I know the truth…
Kagome, when I lost you I realized that I loved you, more than I thought I did…" he squeezed his eyes shut in embarrassment,
Two minutes, what else could he fucking say in two minutes? Her distance made her feel like a stranger, a mirage from the past that he could never have again…
One minute,
And all he could do was cry.
From their memories in New York, to that night at the fundraiser, the image of the two graves before him…
and the pink carnations laid before the name of his son.
The rain suddenly ceased, or so he thought, and he opened his weary eyes.
The downpour still fell, but he was under the shade of her umbrella. She came close and knelt before his hunched form, and she reached out and gently wiped the tears off his face.
"Stop crying," she said, softly, very tenderly,
He leaned on her hand, yearning for her contact.
Golden eyes connected with blue.
Gods, she was beautiful.
Even more beautiful, as the years passed by.
"It's been four years" she continued, "I'm sorry if you lived through guilt. But I want you to know I have forgiven you. It's not all you to blame, either. It was also me.
Taisho-san…
we were young, and stupid… and we thought we knew everything."
His eyes widened in alarm. He reached out to seize her comforting warmth.
But she slipped her hand away, "Alors, it's a lesson learned for both of us. Now the truth will help you move on,"
"I can't just…" he trailed off, realizing she was pulling away. He reached out for her but she shook her head, and it was as if heaven and hell had slammed him in between.
"You can," she said, "Trust me when I say it… because I did.
Taisho-san, I was able to move on,
even before I realized it."
She smiled at him, a friendly, casual smile, lacking the warmth, devoid of passion that she used to have only for him,
once upon a time.
Firm hands supported him to stand, Kagome acknowledged the presence of the limousine driver assisting the near-collapsed man.
Sesshomaru was losing control of his senses, as his withdrawals were kicking in full gear. He tried to contain it, he didn't want her to see.
"Can you make it to the car, Taisho-sama?" the driver said.
"He may need help," Kagome said as the diver assisted the limp doctor to the limo. "Ah, get well soon," She said, her brows meeting in friendly concern, "The company is looking forward to seeing you next week."
He grimaced in sheer torture,
She was too formal, too friendly…
"I love you," he could only murmur incoherently, "I still love you…" he wanted to tell her, but she was too far away to have heard.
The car door slammed before him, the limo sped off.
He found a bottle of whiskey that was displayed at the side, and he chugged it down as if it were his lifeline. With his fix of alcohol finally settling in his system, he sank deeper into his seat as the familiar buzz started sinking in.
"What have I done," he whispered, as he gathered his hair in his hands and cried. "How can I fix this…
You don't want me anymore,
What have I done."
She stared at the receding form of the limo, the rain heavy and drumming in her ears. Keeping her tranquil smile plastered on her face, she looked up at the dark sky, welcoming the raindrops on her face, she watched as it turned golden from the lamplight and whispered. "It's raining heavily in my mind…
Are you watching over me?
Did I do good?"
The clutch to her umbrella tightened, and her smile strained, just for a little bit, but she caught herself.
I know I shouldn't live with resentment,
I was the one who told you that we only have one shot at this life…
But Bâtard Sadique, are you testing my patience?
She trembled a bit, again, whether if it was from the rain or from something entirely different it was hard to tell,
I can't help it,
Mama… Haku… I don't want to feel it,
But it sparks into life, whenever I lay eyes on him, whenever I hear his voice…
This… hatred…
It's starting to root within me.
She shook her head and let out a cleansing breath, she straightened her shoulders and regained her poise.
"Not anymore…" she whispered to herself, "Not even in anger, not anymore."
"Kagome?" Harada's familiar voice drifted into her consciousness. He approached her, ever so cautious,
And she turned to him, with a calmness on her face and the usual gentleness to her movement. He sighed in relief, "Did everything go well?"
"There was a little misunderstanding," she said, the shade of her blue eyes suddenly plunged richer, into a deeper emotion, "I hope he has found his closure." She sighed as she regained her pleasant mask, "Harada, did you make sure Taisho-san's accommodations are comfortable enough? It seemed like our guest was physically weathered down. He looks so different now, I barely even recognized him."
"Still so selfless," Shippo frowned in disbelief. "Sometimes I really can't believe you."
She smiled at him, and Shippo chuckled. Much like her best friend Onigumo, he could never read her thoughts. "Miroku gave me a call, he's waiting for you at the runway. You shouldn't miss your flight."
"Merci," she said as she bowed down, "I have a long weekend ahead of me."