"So...two queens?"

"No, a king size, please"

Sam almost choked, what the hell had Dean just said? The cashier smiled, and Sam tried to keep a composed face while inside he felt like hiding under a table like a four year old. This couldn't be happening.

To be honest, Dean had been acting really weird since they'd arrived in Chicago. First, they never hunt in big cities, it's not supposed to be their sector. Another damn stupid rule this one. Sectors. Like some hunters can live in sunny California and hunt creatures in Los Angeles while you, however good you can be, are stuck in the Midwest because that's where you were assigned. Plus it's not like there's an official bureau or anything you could call to ask for being transfered, no, no, it's just an other arbitrary guideline that you're not supposed to question.

And when Sam thinks about it, it's an even more stupid rule when you see the mess Chicago is. How could any competent hunter let a city this big being governed by monster families. Dean said "Well Sammy, you've seen the Godfather right? I guess hunters can be bought along with the police, the media and everything by uh... Don Vito Shapeshiftone or whatever. Anyway it's not our problem, and definitely not our mess to fix". It's surprising, coming from him. In the past he would have been enraged, but now he's all like "we've got bigger fishes to fry", and even if he's right, it's still a little strange. Now he's driving to Castiel's secret base, singing along to Black Sabbath's Neon Knights, and seems in a very very good mood. So... strange, yeah.

Plus he never had the info about the Chicago killings from a contact, he had it by reading the news on his phone. He spilled the beans when Sam asked him who was his contact, and why had he called him.

"Well uh..." he said, with a little smirk, "my contact's name is uh... oh screw it, it's Search the Web"

"What?" shouted Sam.

"I just saw it on Search the Web, I have an alert on my phone, you should know, you're the one who... installed it." answered Dean, looking cocky.

"The STW Alert?"

"Yeah that. It sends me loads of emails I never read."

Sam sighed. "The idea was helping you research Dean... ". Dean has never been very computer savvy. Plus he doesn't understand the concept of key words, and always swears at his laptop when he gets 293 000 000 results for the query "weird stuff".

"Well I read them last night? Happy?"

Sam laughed, and put his hand on Dean's which is resting on the gearshift.

"Yeah happy... But Dean...What about the Chicago hunters? I mean we've always been told..."

Dean rolled his eyes

"I know, I know ...if we go hunting on somebody else's field we can be cut from hunter's support. But guess what? I don't care."

Sam frowned and turned to Dean

"You're serious?"

"Hell yeah. I mean... Even if we did need support, who can we turn to? Bobby's dead, all the people from the Roadhouse are dead, Rufus is dead, Garth is a werewolf... So who? Except maybe Cas we have no one, and Cas doesn't care about hunters' rules."

Sam began to bite his index finger's nail. It was always sad to remember all the people they'd lost within the years. He was cut by a little slap on his hand

"Stop doing that Sammy."

"God Dean I'm not twelve anymore!" he replied, laughing. Dean turned to him smiling and said "I know babe, I know", and Sam suddenly really, really wanted to kiss him for saying that in the middle of the day.

"Anyway, we've been doing a lot of stuff on our own, and I don't think we need anyone to boss us around, telling us where we should work and everything. Fuck that. We're going to the windy city, and if they don't like it, they can shove it up their asses."

This time Sam burst out laughing, feeling relieved from the angst he felt when he woke up a few hours before.

The hotel was way fancier than what they were used to, and Dean asking for a king size bed made Sam wonder what the Hell was happening to him. And that's precisely what he asked him when they entered their room. Dean didn't seem to understand, he said somehting like "I thought you'd be happy", and Sam answered that of course he was, but it was such a drastic change in Dean's behavior that... he wasn't complaining but...

"I'm just trying to... I don't know, make amends?" said Dean.

Sam sat on the bed, incredulous.

"Make amends?"

Dean took a chair and heavily sat on it.

"Yeah, I've been a dick, lately... I mean these last years."

"Dean..." whispered Sam

"No... Don't tell me I haven't because I know I have. I made you bear... a guilt... that was mine."

Sam couldn't believe his ears. He remained silent, trying to keep his cool.

"I... made a bunch of stupid choices... I... Listen..." he rose from his chair and sat next to Sam.

"I'm not a man of many words, and uh... yeah, you know. I think you were right when you said we needed to work on our issues, but to be frank... they're mostly mine. I'm the one who needs to make things better here. You... you've done nothing."

"I did my share of..."

"No. You've been through enough. I put you, we all put you under way too much pressure. I realized it back in that church... and when you told me about those soulless people you found, you remember?" Sam nodded. "Well, then it made me think about you when you were soulless. You were cold, you were a god damn sociopath but you didn't turn vicious or batshit crazy".

Sam frowned "Uh yeah I did. I let you being bit by a vampire and I tried to kill Bobby. Amongst other things."

Dean raised his hands "Yeah I know that but... you were being...strategic? You didn't turn sadistic, you didn't start torturing kittens and filming snuff movies I mean..." he caressed Sam's cheek, "I mean you're good. You're primarily good."

Sam put his hand on Dean's.

"I don't understand why, at some point, I stopped seeing that."

Sam began to feel his throat getting tighter. Don't start getting all girly, he thought, let him finish.

"When all this is over... I'll tell you... Things...Things I should have told you years ago... that may... or may not... explain... what I uh...", Dean said, closing his eyes. "But right now I'd just like..."

"I forgive you."

Dean turned to Sam, looking surprised. "That's not what I was going to..."

"I know.", replied Sam, getting closer to Dean. "But I do. It doesn't mean we, and I insist on the we, don't have work to do, it doesn't mean I forget everything that's happened between us but...", he put his hands on Dean's shoulder, "Thank you. It means a lot..."

"Don't thank me baby..." Dean says, tears appearing in his eyes, "I should have..."

Sam cut him short by straddling on his lap and hungrily kissing him. He muttered "stop talking" between kisses, and Dean quickly took over.

The first night in Chicago was a hell of a night.

Dean made him scream over and over again, and for once he liked his control freak side. It was like he didn't even think about his own pleasure, he was focused on Sam, driving him nuts and then slowing down until he begged. This was so different from...why was he thinking about those moments now?

So different from when he came back from Hell.

He was so distant then, so... cold. Sam saw it the moment they were alone in his hotel room. He had been burning with anticipation for hours, trying to keep his poker face while his brain was making a very, very long list of things he wanted to do with Dean. The first thing he did was giving him back his amulet, and he saw in Dean's eyes he was moved, but he just said "thanks" and looked at his feet. Sam felt really awkward, so he asked him how Hell was, as if it were a question to ask, and he called himself a idiot while pronouncing it. Dean answered he didn't remember a thing, and Sam replied something stupid like "Oh good" and they both stared at each other, not moving an inch for about thirty seconds.

After that clumsy moment, Sam decided to come closer to Dean and he slowly took him in his arms. During the first seconds, Dean didn't react, he didn't embrace Sam. He was stiff, like he was restraining himself, but why? So Sam said"It's ok love...It's ok we're alone..." and he felt Dean breathe heavily but he still didn't move. He added "You're safe now, I'm here... you're home... you came back" and he felt Dean's arms finally holding him, holding him really tight. Sam whispered "I missed you so much" in Dean's ear, and he heard him sighing again before feeling his hands clutching his shirt. Sam gently pulled him towards the bed and sat on it, while Dean stood in front of him, Sam holding his hands, and softly caressing them with his thumbs.

He didn't want to rush him. Even if he didn't remember he had been through something terrible and if he needed time, well, so be it. So Sam looked at him trying to convey his love through his eyes and his touch. And when Dean finally looked at him, his eyes were full of tears. He fell on his knees, between Sam's legs, and started to kiss him desperately, Sam's hair tangling in his fingers. Sam instantly started to cry, and he lifted him on the bed, kissing him everywhere on his face, hair, neck before noticing Dean had stopped moving. He looked at him and asked "You ok love?", and Dean answered "Yeah... I'm just a little... overwhelmed", so Sam kissed him and said "Of course, of course...I'm sorry" and he snuggled up to him, his hand resting on his heart. He felt Dean's fingers running in his hair, and sighed at the feeling. Then he put his leg on Dean's, and his brother instinctively positionned his right hand on his thigh. It felt like home, even if Dean was still awfully silent.

At that moment, Sam became convinced he did remember something from his time in Hell.

After some time, Dean finally managed to say "I love you Sammy" and Sam instantly answered "I love you too", before seeing Dean heading to the bathroom and locking himself inside.

He thought Dean would get better after some time but not really. He began to shun him. To be wary of him. Asking him if he knew the difference between right and wrong, looking at him with fear and...disgust.

It was so different there in Chicago. His eyes, his mouth, his hands, his whole body was filled with love, just like before, just like when they were young and couldn't get enough of each other. That was maybe why he was scared. It hurt so bad the last time he'd lost this, that warmth, that love... he desperately needed it. So as he was straddling on Dean's lap, feeling him sliding inside his body while strongly holding his nape and his waist, tears began to fall on his cheek and he screamed his lover's name with a broken voice before collapsing on the bed.

"God...You ok baby?"

"Yeah... It was just hum... too strong..."

Dean laughed and said

"For a minute I thought I broke you"

Sam smirked and replied

"Get over yourself Winchester"

When Sam woke up it was five in the morning and he had just jumped because of a siren. I'm not used to be living in the city anymore he thought, looking at the bedroom's window. Dean was asleep, his head resting on Sam's shoulder, and he felt moved just by looking at his innocent sleeping face. He softly caressed his hair, and Dean made a little sigh, burying his face in his brother's neck.

Sam didn't know why but at that precise moment he thought about when they went separate ways, after Lilith's death.

Maybe it was because he'd just had a wonderful time and needed to ruin it with anxiety again, who knows? Or maybe it was because what had just happened was too good to be true. He wasn't twenty-two anymore, and if there's one thing you learn when you grow old it's to be wary. Even if he had just heard what he had always wanted to hear since a very long time, he couldn't help but thinking this "fuck the rules" attitude wasn't part of Dean's personality, as appealing it could be.

Dean had always liked to torture himself with his moral code. And he couldn't live without it. Whenever he broke a rule, he had to make up a new one. Whenever he decided not to listen to someone, he had to forge another alliance. He was definitely not a loner, and certainly not an outlaw. Sam remembered when he was addicted to Ruby's blood, when he had this tremendous, intoxicating power. He felt above the rules, and most of all he felt right, he was convinced he couldn't be wrong.

Was Dean feeling omnipotent too? Was it the reason why they were here? Why he chose that hotel, that room, that bed?

Why he apologized?

Sam looks at him again and feels teary eyed. No. It couldn't be only the Blade speaking. The Blade made him speak like the merciless stranger he was after Lilith's death, the one who couldn't trust him anymore, the one who couldn't... love him...anymore. Only work with him. And sometimes have sex. Out of... anger or tension or whatever... and they were not supposed to discuss it after it was go straight to your bed and act like nothing happened.

After Lilith's death, Dean wouldn't even let Sam touch him. A simple pat on the shoulder was too much, and in the meantime he wouldn't even let him apologize, or try to explain himself.

Dean said he was trying to forgive him, but anyone who would be even slightly empathic would have felt he was a ball of resentment and anger. When Bobby, who was possessed by Meg at the time, told Sam he could never be forgiven for starting Armageddon, and that if they managed to stop it, he never wanted to see him again, Dean didn't react. Bobby was his family as much as Dean's and his brother didn't say anything to defend him. So Sam thought he knew what it meant.

It meant when the Apocalypse is interrupted, you can forget about me. In the end, Sam decided to leave even before that, because the situation was unbearably painful. Well, in the beginning he thought it would provoke some reaction from Dean, that he would try to hold him back, but nothing happened. He just said something like "yeah I agree, you should leave", with a blank face. No trace of emotion, nothing, and Sam thought what he did destroyed Dean. What else could it be? What else could have erased everything they had said before, felt before?

He had cheated, he had lied, he had betrayed and now everything he used to have was torn to pieces.

After that he learnt Dean had teamed up with Castiel and that, that was a real punch in the gut.

Because if Castiel hadn't opened the door of Bobby's panic room, Sam would never had been able to join Ruby and take some more of her blood. Dean used to say Cas had been tricked by his bosses, and then Sam wanted to yell "I was tricked too!", but aparently it wasn't the same. "He was just following orders Sam!", yeah right. Like that was so different. Following your guts and being wrong deserved exile, but following orders was forgivable. It made Sam want to be mean and say that it was the Nazis' defense during the Nuremberg trials but it would have been a little over the top. Or wouldn't it? If you added the time he broke his Wall, and the Leviathans episode well... Cas had definitely a lot on his plate but for an unknown reason, everything he had ever done was utterly excusable.

Anyway after some time, Dean called him and told him he had changed his mind, that he needed him. Not because he missed him though, but because he needed the "second best hunter in the planet". He did apologize for having been to harsh on him, for blaming him to much but as he said, it didn't change the fact that he had betrayed him. He added it made him think about what they had been doing in the past and consider that maybe, for the time being, they could just be hunters. Collegues.

"We can work together, but as for being brothers again Sam...it's gonna take time."

"Brothers". Code name for lovers.

Just like Family, or Job. It has always been their way of saying "I love you" in public. For example, before Dean died, he told Sam "don't forget what I taught you". Code. Because Ruby, well Lilith, was in the room. To any stranger it meant "don't forget what you were taught about hunting", but truly it meant "don't forget how much I love you, don't forget you're a good person in spite of everything you were told".

"We're family". Code. We're a couple.

"I just want my brother back". Code. I just want my lover back.

"It's my job". Code. It's my life.

That's why Sam still has difficulties to understand these words in their litteral meaning. Because to him, Dean saying "He's my brother, we're family, taking care of him is my job" has always meant so much more than what it seems to.

That's why he hates hearing that about anyone else, even if he knows it doesn't mean the same thing then.

That's how he chose to get back at Dean for forcing him to survive, for tricking him into accepting Gadriel. He chose exactly the same words that Dean used before, just to see how he would react to that. That was violent and cold, but in the end... In the end it was worth it.

Because he does have his brother back, right here, driving his beloved Impala and butchering Ozzy Osborne's songs. There's a ray of light coming through the windshield, and it makes Dean look like an angel.

Yes he is cheesy, he's always been.

He's the kind to believe in soulmates and in eternal love. The kind to hope, to see a way out. The kind to dare.

"Stop the car."

"What?"

"Stop the car, now."

"Why?"

"I wanna eat you."

The kind to forgive.