**All characters of Secret Life belong to Brenda Hampton and blah, blah, blah. This chapter is really Ricky-centric and how he's dealing with his emotions; since last chapter was Amy/Max-centric. Its starts right after Amy kicks him out of her room.*

Who Can I Run To

Ricky

"Amy-" I tried to explain.

"Goodnight Ricky" she spit out giving me the cold shoulder.

I bowed my head and left her room. Damn it I thought, just when we were actually starting to have a civil conversation. Adrian knew I hated hickies; not because I didn't like them, they messed up my game with my other "girlfriends." She thought I'd be with someone else tonight and she was marking her territory. I walked into the dark empty parking lot to my car. This whole day seemed like a dream or nightmare rather. There were hardly no cars left indicating that the hospital was in its grave shift.

Once inside my car I threw my head against the headrest and beat the wheel. Every emotion I'd been holding since 2:30 this afternoon came tumbling out. I was mad, sad, happy, and scared; I didn't know a person could feel so many emotions at once. I was mad that Amy kept this pregnancy a secret from me all these months, I was mad my baby died, I was mad that I had these conflicting feelings towards Adrian, I was mad that all this started because I couldn't control myself at band camp. I was sad my baby died and happy that one lived. I was happy that because of this new life that depended on me I could be a better person, but also scared I'd end up like my father. I was scared that Amy wouldn't let me see him, and I was mad that I didn't even know his name. All this was so overwhelming I needed to talk to someone, I needed a session badly. I looked at the digital numbers on my dash that read 2:16 am, and knew a meeting with Dr. Fields would have to wait until the morning.

I let out a deep sigh and began driving. When I passed the turn that would take me to my street I knew I wasn't going home. I had intended on stopping at the beach, but my foot stayed on the gas; when I hit the outskirts of Valley Glen I began to slow down. I pulled my car into an old park and began walking down the dark boulevard. I stopped when I got to one of the benches and pulled out my cigarettes; to my dismay I had smoked them all earlier during my stay at the hospital.

"Ugh" I yelled out in frustration launching the empty box into the darkness.

Now what was I going to do, I looked at the keys in my hand and studied every sharp crevice. Just when I was about to break free some of the emotions in my arm someone held a cigarette to my face.

"You look like you need a smoke." she taunted.

I grabbed the cigarette from her hand and took out my lighter. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Come on Rick, is that anyway to talk to your mother." she teased.

"You're hardly a mother Nora, especially mine." I hissed between puffs.

"Okay I give you that I'm an awful mother, but I'm still yours." she reasoned.

"Unfortunately" I mumbled looking at the nights moon.

"Are you still upset with the marriage?" she asked softly.

"I have no feelings towards you or anything concerning you Nora." I told her coldly.

She nodded hurt and looked back to the moon's gaze.

"I learned a long time ago that you can't save a person that doesn't want to be saved." I trailed off. Thinking of the many times my mother made a fool of me.

"Ricky people aren't perfect we all make mistakes…" she started.

"Oh yea!" I said raising my voice. "And when are you gonna learn from yours huh Nora? I'm guessing it'll be when you're found halfway dead on the side of the road somewhere, oh wait that already happened. Yet there you are married to yet another asshole" I threw the cigarette and stomped off towards my car.

"Ricky!" I heard her call out, but I had enough of that mini family reunion too much had gone on today and I didn't need shit from her.

I woke up around 10:30 the next morning and groaned. I hated sleeping past 8:00 on the weekends always had since I was a kid. The earlier I was up the earlier I could get out of the hell hole I was living in. I stretched and headed towards the bathroom I brushed my teeth and looked at the now reddish pink mark dawning my neck.

"At least its going away" I said to myself.

"Admiring my piece of art?" a voice said from the doorway.

"What are you doing here?" I asked in an annoyed tone.

"Do you really have to ask?" she chuckled. "I'm here because you need me and I want to comfort you."

She came in the bathroom and wrapped her arms around my neck. The hard look on my face faltering despite the anger I felt towards her.

"Enough with the sexual innuendos Adrian why are you really here this early?" I said pushing her away.

"I know about everything and I was worried about you?" I couldn't tell if she was genuinely concerned or if she wanted me the way I needed her.

"So you heard about me and Amy's situation which means you've been talking to Robie. I thought I told you to stop talking to that wimp." I felt myself getting angry.

"We're friends Ricky and we're partners so I have to talk to him." she pointed out.

I rolled my eyes and she moved closer to me shutting the bathroom the door.

"Are you mad at me Ricky?" she said sliding her hands up my shirt. Her cold hands causing me to jerk as it met the warmness of my torso.

I remained quiet trying to keep a stone face. This chick never knew when to stop and I kind of liked that about her. She had ambition and wasn't afraid to go after what she wanted. She began kissing up my body and removing my shirt.

"You know I can't take it when you're mad at me." she said seductively pouting her lips.

I picked her up and sat her on the sink pinning her against the mirror. We violently locked lips and started tugging at each other's clothes. When both of us were naked I grabbed a condom and carried her to the shower.

"Your lucky I love you Ricky, because I just got my hair done." she moaned into my ear.

I smirked and started the shower and we went to town.

"No biting." I told her sternly.

She rolled her eyes "I'll do whatever I want to you Ricky so don't waste your breath."

I laughed and sucked roughly on her neck until I was sure it'll leave a mark.

"Now we're even." I smirked.

A couple hours later I was getting my stuff together for work and other stuff for the day. All the while she sat on my bed watching my every move.

"Where are you going?" she asked curiously following me up the stairs.

"I'm going to therapy if you must know." I huffed .

"I don't believe you. You're going to see Amy!" she stomped.

"Yes Adrian I'm going to see Amy and then I'm going to therapy. Happy? Now get out." I said gesturing towards the door as I grabbed my keys.

"I hate you." she muttered hurt.

"Whatever." I said following her out the door.

She turned back to glare at me before throwing a stone at my car windshield leaving a huge crack across.

"What the fuck! You bitch!" I yelled running my hands through my hair dropping my keys.

"You're right I'm a bitch and you're a bastard Ricky! And karma's a way bigger bitch than I am." she screamed running to her car when she seen me coming towards her.

"Adrian you're going to pay for that." I shouted angrily as she started her car.

I kicked her tire and she pulled off after flicking me off. I banged my hands on my hood in utter disbelief. I just spent half of my last check to get the inside cleaned from where Amy had messed it up, and with the baby I knew I didn't have enough money to fix the window. My car was essential my baby and she fucked it up. It took everything in me to not grab her by the hair and wail on her. I shook my head, it would take 6 weeks of my bag boy check to even get close to the amount. I drove to the hospital probably way above the speed limit, because I got there quicker than I expected. I signed in and went straight to Amy's room.

When I got to the door she was still asleep. I smiled slightly at the sight she looked so beautiful, radiant I think that's a better way to describe the essence of her. I walked towards her and brushed back her bang she stirred and opened her eyes slowly. When she seen it was me she immediately turned to face the couch as if someone was there and back at me disappointed.

"Was there someone there when you came in?" she yawned.

"Nope just you" I shrugged. She sat up against the base of the bed and stretched.

"Interesting" she whispered. "Where's John?" she asked looking behind the chair I sat in.

"John?" I asked confused.

She blushed and diverted her eyes to her hands. "The baby, I named him last night."

"You did?" I exclaimed excitedly.

"Yea, Jonathan Tyler" she hesitated "Juergens."

"Oh." I voiced disappointed and hurt. I know we don't necessarily get along, but after keeping the pregnancy hidden from me I thought she could at least give him my last name.

"They haven't brought the paperwork for the birth certificate or anything yet, so its not set in stone. No one knows his name except me, you, and well I didn't know if you were gonna be involved and my mom wasn't here so I didn't know if he should have your last name." she admitted.

I nodded. "Well Amy this is our baby and seeing as you didn't tell me about our baby I thought you could at least give him my name or both of ours. Kind of like a peace offering" I said too harshly and felt bad.

She started playing with her fingers again and blinking frequently.

"I'm sorry Amy, I didn't mean that. Don't cry I'm just taking my anger out on you. You're the mother so I'm sure you're the one who decides everything." I relented.

"No you're right I should have told you. I should have told you from the beginning. I'll tell them Juergens-Underwood when they give me the documents okay." she sniffled.

If this was what victory felt like it didn't feel good. "Are you sure Amy? If you want him to just have yours I can live with that. I just can't live without him, knowing him."

"I'm sure." she whispered as a tear rolled down. I wanted to wipe it, but thought better of it.

"He's in the nursery." I said trying to change the atmosphere.

"Oh okay." she smiled.

Just then the nurse came back in with the baby followed by the Juergens.

"This little man is hungry." the nurse smiled handing him to Amy.

"Wh-what am I supposed to do about it." she stuttered terror in her eyes.

"You feed him?" she smiled harder.

"Where's the bottle?" Amy and I both asked.

The nurse snickered at our stupidity and pointed at Amy's breasts. Both our eyes got big Amy's out of pure horror and mine at the mention and thought of Amy's breasts. Robie looked disgusted and George looked uncomfortable.

"Wha-what oh no. No, no, no I don't wanna do this." she cried.

"Amy its a natural process." Anne assured.

"He's, he's too small I can't; what happened to his tube thingy?" she hurried out.

"Well the breast milk will help him develop and nourish him to health." the nurse explained.

"Maybe we can get you a pump you'd probably feel more comfortable with that." she gave another smile.

Amy still looked horrified and kept staring at John who still had his eyes taped, because of sensitivity.

"Okay maybe you guys should step out so I can help Amy." The nurse asked returning with the pump thing.

"I was just leaving anyway." I stated getting up. "I have an appointment on the other side of the hospital and work later."

I kissed John on the forehead and left. When I got to the psychologist wing of the hospital I went to the 4th door on the right. The door I'd been visiting for over 5 years now.

"Ricky I've been waiting to see you. How are you?" Dr. Fields asked as I sat in my usual spot.

"Not so good." I sighed honestly, not in the mood for games today.

"What's been going on?" he opened my file and clicked his pen.

"I'm a father." I said weakly. I never said it out loud before and it made it feel all the more real.

"What? And you didn't feel the need to share this vital information before?" he questioned.

"I just learned about it yesterday and that's when she went into labor." I admitted sadly.

"How far along was um Adrian?" he raised an eyebrow.

"No, not Adrian." I said harshly still pissed at what she did to my car. "Amy and 5 months."

"Amy? The girl from band camp?" he asked astonished. "So she went into early labor did everything go okay?"

I hung my head as a tear fell onto my black jeans. "No" I sighed.

"Is the baby alright Ricky? Is Amy alright I know she made an impression on you." he asked concerned.

"Amy's alright, it was twins and one didn't make it." I said barely above a whisper.

"Oh I'm sorry Ricky how did you feel about that? Do you blame yourself or Amy." he scribbled something in my file.

"I blame Amy, but I don't want to because I know its not really her fault. Its easier to blame her I guess because she didn't tell me." I shrugged.

"Is it easier because she didn't tell you, or is it easier than blaming yourself for her getting pregnant and facing your underlying fear that you'll end up like Bob." he reasoned.

I hated that he made me dig down into myself for every little sentence I made. He always had a way of trapping me into talking about loving myself and facing my fears.

"I don't know" I said crossing my arms.

"I know you said you never wanted to have children, that's why you made sure you were always protected. So what happened? How did Amy get pregnant."

I couldn't answer the question because I didn't know. I didn't know why I didn't have a condom that day I went to the lake. I never expected to see Amy that night it wasn't planned in advance. We were friends and we both just happened to be there. She was so innocent and perfect that after that first date I knew she wouldn't do anything with me. I still could have stopped though, I just didn't want to. The night still left me with many questions.

"Maybe I meant to do it." I shrugged.

"Ricky I don't think you meant to get her pregnant. You said you really liked her and you wished you would have waited with her. Would you really do that to someone you liked? He asked.

Seeing that I wasn't changing my answer he changed subjects. "what about Adrian do you still love her?"

Just the thought of Adrian made me want to break shit. "No I'm so done with that slut."

"Ricky I know you well enough to know that you don't see her like that anymore." he smiled.

"I didn't before but I do now." I argued

"What about Amy how do you see her?" he questioned.

I took off my Ralph's apron and threw it over my shoulder as Jack and I walked to our cars.

"See ya at school Ricky and congrats" Jack said as we separated.

"Thanks man." I smiled at the thought of my son.

Jack pulled off and I seen a girl walking towards me from a distance. You gotta be kidding me I thought as her face came to view.

"Hi Ricky." she clasped her hands in front of her and swayed a bit.

"Zoë…what are you doing here?" I hadn't seen her in almost 7 months. And you could cut the tension between us with a knife.

"I need a favor." she smiled.

"Look I'm sorry about what happened with us I shouldn't have left you like…"

She put her soft finger on my lips stopping my words. "Shut up. That isn't why I'm here."

"So what is it?" I mumbled against her finger.

"Its Johnny" at that I turned to walk toward my open car door.

"Ricky wait here me out." she yelled walking to the side of my car.

"No! I told you he was dead to me, nothing's changed." I glared.

"Ricky I know you don't want anything to do with him, but he's in trouble and he needs us." she begged.

I laughed madly at how naïve Zoë still was. He had screwed us over many times before when we needed him, yet she still would defend him with her life.

"Not my problem." I stated harshly and started the engine.

"Ricky! Ricky you owe me! You used me and I was okay with that, but then you treated me so cold and like shit." she said with tears in her eyes. "The least you could do is help me help him." she sniffled.

I started the car as I felt the anger build up behind my eyes.

"He's your brother whether you like it or not Ricky and he was your best friend." she cried as I started to back out the space.

"Yea he was my best friend, but you had a little something to do with ending that friendship. You and my low life mother." I said speeding off leaving her alone once again.

This was night number 2 of me driving erratically without a destination. Without anyone to run too.

Amy

I watched the clock tick until it reached midnight. The nurses had rolled John back to the nursery a couple of hours ago so I was back alone. My eyes red and burning pleading for me to let them rest. But I couldn't, every time I closed my eyes I would see the face of my dead baby. I felt like he was haunting me, punishing me because he didn't live. I had the pillow pressed tightly against my chest as I sobbed. I was so exhausted after all that stupid pumping all I wanted was sleep. The other night hadn't been so bad because Max was on the couch, but now I had no one to protect me from the nightmares. Just then I heard the door creep open. I froze afraid to glance at the figure ahead. I thought I had fallen asleep and it was another nightmare, but curiosity got the best of me.

"Hi" the voice hummed softly.

"Ricky?" I sniffled struggling to see in the darkness.

"Yea" he whispered.

"What are you doing here?" I asked confused.

"Well" he said walking towards me. It kind of looked liked he'd been crying, but this was Ricky and I knew better.

"I was driving around and when I stopped I noticed I was here. I was kind of hoping maybe you could use some company." he smiled modestly.

I stared at him for a minute and slowly scooted over in my bed. He caught what I was doing and took off his jacket and boots and slipped into the bed. We instinctively snuggled together I laid my head on his chest and he wrapped his arm around me. Normally we would never do this, but in this moment nothing else mattered. All our pride was pushed aside and without saying a word we let our guards fall down. Even just for one night.

"I'm glad you came Ricky" I whispered sleepily.

He breathed heavily and rubbed my back in response before pulling me a little closer. His eyes were still tightly shut.

I closed my eyes and got a little more comfortable against him.

"I really didn't want to be alone tonight." I sighed into him before dosing off.

Okay how cute is that. Amy and Ricky finding comfort in each other with no sex or ulterior motives lol. I say that's a big step in the right direction, or is it. Thanks for reading;)