DISCLAIMER: I do not own Emmerdale or it's Characters, they belong to ITV1
chapter 13/15
***warning*** NO AARON!
HI, this chapter was horrible to write, and it is abit upsetting...so i'll apologise now x
MID- SEPTEMBER 2005
In the lashing rain, Jackson was soaked through, he bolted from one shop doorway to the next, his tight curls flat to his head, and the water was streaming down his face.
If there WERE tears of regret still on his cheeks, then they would be washed away by now...
He shivered in the cold...as the traffic whizzed by sending waves of water his way, only to add to his misery...NOTHING could be worse than this...He had been at his lowest today...
Surely things could not get even more worse for him...could it...
Xxx
Jackson headed up the path, and let himself in through the back door.
He stood in the kitchen, practically shaking from the cold and the wet, his hair was dripping like mad, into pools at his feet, as he dried it off with a tea towel from the draining board...it was the first thing that came to hand.
It was getting dark, so the kitchen was very dim lit, but the door suddenly swung open, revealing the light from the hallway, and the shape of his Mum...and by the look of it, she looked pretty much down trodden.
Jackson threw the wet tea towel onto a heap on the floor, and pulled her a face " WHAT'S with your face...It's ME whose been through the wringer today..."
Hazel shook her head sadly at him, " Oh Jackson...I'm sorry...I didn't mean to...it all just come out..."
Jerry was now standing at the doorway behind her, he looked pretty much like that he had sunk a few pints...and by the bottle of beer in his grasp, was FAR from finished sinking them.
"SO there he IS!...SLIPPING in through the back door...BUT YOU LIKE THAT, DON'T YAH!" he growled, the remark certainly had a double meaning...
Jackson swallowed, his eyes searching his Mothers expression, she was just shaking her head...letting him subtlely know that HE knew.
"Dad...nothings changed...I'm STILL me..." he blurted out...he didn't quite know WHY he said that, but he was put on the spot...he wasn't thinking straight, not prepared for this.
and the words, 'thanks mum' were going around through his brain.
The look on Jerry's face was not of anger...it was of pure anguish...he stepped forward, and with frightful force, threw the bottle of beer crashing to the wall, the glass ricosheted across the kitchen making Hazel squeal.
Jackson was frozen to the spot, as Jerry stepped even closer forward, he was pointing his finger at him, " MY SON can't be like THAT!...HE CAN'T BE...IT'S IMPOSSIBLE...you are MY BOY!" Jackson stood still, he didn't flinch, he was NOT going to be afraid of his own father.
"NOW...TELL ME...TELL ME THAT SHE...THAT WITCH OF A MOTHER OF YOURS...IS NOT TELLING THE TRUTH..." he yelled out.
Jackson could see that Jerry's face was turning red, with the rage.
Jackson found that his words were stuck in his throat, he couldn't get them out...and Jerry was growing the ever more impatient.
"TELL ME!" he raged, but Jackson could detect a little more of desparation in that harsh tone, of his father pinning his hopes, that he was wrong.
"Dad...I...Mum, she knows about me...I told her...now...now I'm telling you...that I...I am..."
Jerry was only inches away from him, shaking his head violently, " NO, don't YOU say it!, DON'T you say it...please...please...", there were tears now in Jerry's eyes, Jackson felt choked up himself...when did Dad EVER cry.
"Dad, I'm SO sorry...but...it's true...I'm gay Dad...I'm, I'm gay..." the tears were falling from his own eyes now...
he had told him...
he had just told his dad...
dad now KNEW who he really was...
and...the next thing he knew, was something hitting him so hard, he went flying into the wall, and fell in a heap to the ground, skidding across the tiles as he did so.
"JEERRRRY! screamed Hazel, rushing forward, she was pulling him by the arm, just as he was leaning over Jackson again, grabbing him by his T shirt, " YOU FILTHY...DISGUSTING PERVERT!...YOU ARE NO SON OF MINE!"
"JEEERRRY! screamed Hazel again, " don't HIT him again, or I'll be phoning the police!..." she warned shaking.
Jackson put his fingers to his mouth, and upon looking at them...his eyes widened in horror...he saw the blood.
Jerry was boring down at him...those eyes...there WERE tears...but there was disgust there too.
Although shaken from his fathers assault on him, Jackson managed to pick himself up, Hazel stepped forward, and started fussing round his face, " you've HURT him, Jerry!...you've hurt our boy!"
Jerry had already turned his back on them, " THAT'S no boy of MINE!" he stated coldly.
Hazel snatched up the tea towel, and started to dab the cut on Jackson's lip, but Jackson took the towel from her, and attended it to himself, Hazel turned to Jerry...she breathed out...trying to get a calm atmosphere in the room.
"Jerry...we really need to ALL sit down and talk about this...IT really isn't that bad...I...I was shocked...I found it abit strange to get my head around it...but...but HE'S our son...he's our beautiful boy...", there was a begging tone in her voice...and Jackson hated it...she was pandering to him.
Jerry still had his back to them, " WHAT are you going on about now...HAVE YOU got a screw loose or somemit...DO YOU really think I can except THAT!"
He turned to face Jackson coldly, and pointed at him,
"do I want to have a quiet pint in my local with THAT!...
do I want to go and watch a sunday afternoons footie with THAT!...
do I want to spend my time...MY evenings here...with ... with THAT!...
THAT is NO SON of mine...I HAVE NO SON..."
Hazel looked at him, the tears running down her cheeks...she looked back to her son, he was facing the back door...his eyes flickering from her and then to his dad...
"I'm gonna go mum..." he said, barely audible.
Jackson then looked towards his dad...he was moving towards the hallway...to the light.
"DAD!" he called out...he didn't know why...but whatever the reason, Jerry never responded, after all, to him, he didn't exist anymore...he had no son.
Jackson's eyes continued to stare to the hall, long after his father was out of sight, Hazel came forward, " Jackson...give him a few days...he'll be fine you're see...you're SEE!"
But Hazel was TRYING to convince her self, because both knew that if anything, hell would more likely freeze over first.
Hazel was then crying...this was ALL her fault, she had let it slip...she was just SO ANGRY with Jerry, for his bigoted attitude, she wished she could explain this to Jackson...
"Can I go and get me stuff..." he asked her, she realised his gaze was on her now.
and she could only nod sadly.
Xxx
Jackson was upstairs in his bedroom, he closed the door and started shoving his cloths in the black bin liner he had snatched off from the roll in the kitchen cupboard.
In next was his CDs and DVDs, he didn't have much but...they were his.
He looked up onto the shelving around the room, the pool trophies...HIS pool trophies, the under 12s the under 15s...his Mum could have them, he decided...that's if Dad didn't chuck them first.
The bin liner was heavy, he didn't risk putting anything more in, incase the sack split.
He gazed around his room...HIS ROOM...the room he had had since he was about 3 or 4...He had heard the story a million times, about when Dad had got fed up of living in London where Mum came from...he had missed the north, his mates...so he had pressurised her to move up north, where he was from.
Plus, he didn't want NO son of his turning out to be a southern softie!
He couldn't help but smile...JUST GAY instead!
His stomach churned over...he was leaving home...he was leaving his Mum and Dad and he was scared now...it had just dawned on him...in the calm of his bedroom, that he was actually scared now.
He turned his back on it, and opened the door and came down the stairs...his Mum was waiting by the front door...her eyes were sore and puffy...
"Ja..Jackson..." she sniffed.
Jackson dropped the sack, and gave his mum a big hug, " I'M NOT mad at yah, for telling him..."
Hazel was sobbing onto his shoulder, " I'll okay Mum, you don't have to be worrying about me...I'm a big boy now!" he said pulling away, trying to smile at her, trying to be brave.
Hazel swallowed, " HE'S NOT gonna cope with this, is he...", she was settling her gaze toward the lounge.
Jackson shrugged at her, picking up his sack, " tell somebody who cares..." he said without a thought, he then nodded his head in the direction of the kitchen, " I want to get me works ruck sack...then I'll head out the backdoor..."
Hazel went to follow, but he stopped her,after a slight pause he kissed her forehead, and walked away...without another word uttered.
Xxx
The crack of thunder shook the house as Jackson came out the backdoor.
Hell!...if it never rains it pours...and that was an understatment.
In the lashing rain, and the lighening, Jackson hurried up the road...flaming 'eck, this surely had to be the pits!
And he thought telling Sarah was going to be bad...if on a scale of 1 to 10 that telling Sarah had been 5, then telling his dad... it HAD to be a 10!
He was drenched...he managed to run toward a bus shelter, and pulled out his phone, he shivered as he tried to scroll down the names...he paused at Andy's name...yeah right!...but KNEW he wound help, but he would want to know all the gory details, and when he did...he stopped at Craig's name...he was all loved up with Kyle, he wouldn't want to jeopardize that!...he finally came to Joe...good old Joe...the drips fell upon the display as he tried to think...
but he didn't think for long, he was desparate...he pressed call...
Xxx
Hazel had stood stock still in the hallway for an age, before she decided to go into the lounge, she saw him, Jerry, standing at the fireplace, gazing down at the photographs that sat on the mantel.
Jackson when he was 5, Jackson when he was 9...A family snap in Whitby when he was 14.
And in Jerry's grasp was Jackson as a baby in his arms...
The tears ran down Jerry's cheek...and he started to shake...
Somehow Hazel knew what he was about to do, she lept forward, " JERRY NO!"
Jerry slammed the photo to the wall, then ran his arm along the mantel, knocking all the photos flying to the marble tiled base...the glass in the frames smashing into a million fragments.
And then Jerry sobbed, he broke down and sobbed...the man was devastated...his son...HIS BOY one of THEM!
Hazel could only watch with a hand upon her mouth...
She was right...
He would never get over this...how could he...he had loved Jackson to bits...his pride and joy...
but now...
Xxx
Joe came down the stairs and opened the door.
Jackson was standing there...on the doorstep...he looked aright state, his hair was wet and matted, the corner of his top lip was cut and bleeding, his T shirt and jeans were soaked through, and he was clutching a rucksack and bin liner full of his worldly belongings.
But Jackson being Jackson, he put on a brave smile, " I've had a pig of a day" he told.
Joe opened the door wider and Jackson came through, almost immediately Joe was pulling Jackson toward the stairs, "right you, we're about the same build...so get out of them wet things, and change into something of mine...I'll go and be making you a hot drink", Joe could feel Jackson was shaking from the wet and the cold.
Joe was waiting in the kitchen, when Jackson finally came down the stairs, Joe smiled as Jackson came into the kitchen, and was handed his mug of tea, " great choice...you've got style!"
Jackson shrugged, he was wearing a grey shirt with a pair of jeans, that were alittle bit on the tight on the bum for him, " I liked this on you when you once wore it to the club, I actually THINK it looks better on me..." he said, TRYING to crack a joke to hide how screwed up he was inside.
With a nod of his head, they both went through into the lounge, and sat on the couch.
"so...you told them then..." asked Joe, deciding to cut to the chase, Jackson had been through a lot...he could tell, and Jackson NEEDED to get this out of his system now, while it was still fresh.
Jackson shook his head, his eyes hitting the carpet, " yep...EVERYBODY knows...well within reason...BOY, that Sean at work is gonna be SO milking this when it all comes out...I'm NEVER gonna hear the last of it...give it a week, and I won't be able to get a job on site anywhere in the north of England!"
Joe turned his head, "and your lip...was that your dad"
Jackson blew out a laugh, " it most certainly was!...no guessing how he feels about me being gay, a..."
Joe raised his eyebrowes in disgust, " what!...by decking yah...the man's a PIG!"
Jackson looked up sadly, and shook his head at him, " no he's not...he were upset...you should have seen him, he was SOOOO disappointed in me, he cried...it's funny, I'VE NEVER seen him cry..." he mused.
"but you're right..." Jackson finished, " THERE'S no excuses for hitting folk...doesn't matter WHAT it's about or over...there's NO WAY I'm gonna be seeing him again"
Joe shrugged, " you don't know that, not for sure...maybe you just need to give it a few days like, let the dust settle...", Jackson smiled at him, Joe was trying to mend a relationship that would...COULD NEVER be mended...
"THAT'S WHY he cried...don't you get it Joe...HE KNEW it was the end for us...being father and son...from now on HE has no son...and it's soooo sad...and that's why he cried"
He sounded like HE was about to cry.
Jackson's words made it all sound so final.
Joe had another thought, and looked up, "what about your Mum, you said SHE was okay with it...surely SHE is still...gonna be around for yah...right"
Jackson focused his gaze to the fireplace, " I hope so...THAT'S IF dad lets her...it'll be hard on her this...I don't want her making life differcult for herself...I'll just have to play that one by ear..."
Joe drank his tea...poor Jackson...what a turn out...he was glad his own parents were SO UNDERSTANDING about it, once their shock was overcome...but this...it was the first time he knew of someone whose father had actually laid their hand on them, for just coming out.
Joe placed his hand on Jackson's knee, " well I KEPT the spare room free just incase..."
"I TOLD you I'd be needing it..." told Jackson, with a flash of a smile.
"Camp Dave was the last one to use it after he had a row with scott, and he had no complaints...you can stay here as long as you need to..."
Jackson was grateful, and then looked about him for the first time, " I must be in the wrong job, HOW can you be affording ALL this..."
Joe stood up, " I get help...me dad pays the rent...I know, it makes me out to be a poor little rich kid...but i'm not...I DO pay towards it...now that uni is nearly over and I can get a position as a trainee Solictor someplace..."
Jackson stood up, and followed him out into the kitchen, " well maybe when you do get that job, I'll be the first to hire you...for assault" he joked, pointing to his lip.
Joe turned from the sink, " look...I'm gonna be meeting some mates from Uni later...are you gonna alright here on your own..."
"Course I am!...What do you think i'm gonna be doing...running the hot tap and slashing me wrists...", Joe pulled him a face, and Jackson gave him a reasuring smile, "I'm only messing... i'm FINE...you just go out and enjoy yourself..."
Joe laughed, " well as long as you are sure..." he went to go upstairs, but turned before heading up, " You never said about what happened when you told Sarah...is that..."
Jackson put his back to him, " that part of me life is well and truely over...I'm not gonna be a father...which is proberly just as well because i'd make a crap dad anyway..."
Joe didn't think that...but he knew Jackson didn't want to debate it further...he headed up the stairs without another word...
It was good Joe was going out, thought Jackson, he could be alone to ponder his thoughts...and decide where he was going to go from here...
...and have a good cry...
To be Continued...
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