Shattered

Chapter 13

Do not kill me please…. I worked on this Chapter all weekend but only now found the time to post it. This is the last chapter where we see Peeta and Katniss developing their bond… after this we will get into a little more action/angst within the school itself. I look forward to any reviews you have. And hopefully I'll be able to get another update in this week =)

Katniss

Katniss tried to calm her trembling hands by clutching the wooden arm rests of the chair, she grasped them in an iron grip until her knuckles turned white and her hands ached with the effort. Peeta took the chair opposite her and brought his hand out as if to touch her but jerked it back and rubbed his thigh nervously. "Are you… are you okay?" He asked his eyes flicking to her in worry before moving to stare at the ornate rug on Cinna's floor. He gripped the back of his neck and rubbed it with his hand before bringing his elbows to his knees and resting his head in his hands dejectedly.

She couldn't help herself, she hated seeing him so defeated looking. She wasn't one for words so she noiselessly slipped from her chair and knelt down on her knee next to his chair. She brought her hand up to his face to rub his cheek with the pad of her thumb. A tear escaped his eye and she brushed it away before she found her voice to answer him. "I'm okay Peeta. But I am worried about you." He brought his tear filled eyes up to her and she couldn't help but marvel at how blue they were even through his tears.

"I'm okay now that you're here." He brought his hand up to hers that was resting on his cheek and brought it to his mouth where he placed a warm kiss on the knuckles. She couldn't help the small smile that the gesture brought to her lips. It seemed to spread warmth all the way to her toes.

"I'm not going anywhere Peeta." He kept his eyes closed as he struggled to bring himself under some semblance of control. She intertwined their fingers together and returned to her seat keeping their hands clasped. The gesture though benign seemed strangely intimate to her. Cinna returned to the room and smiled when he saw them hanging on to each other over the table. He cleared his voice as he moved forward and placed the tray on the table between them. He removed his plate from the tray and moved around to his desk to eat.

"I brought you both a little of everything. And I am happy to note I got there before the lunch rush so things weren't picked over too much." Katniss felt relaxed with Cinna and the tension she'd been carrying on her shoulders seemed to fall away as she listened to the smooth timbre of his voice. Peeta's hand remained clasped with hers as they ate the finger food with their free hands; his thumb absently traced small circles on her hand the entire time. She took the time to observe him as the three of them carried on a casual conversation about this and that.

His eyes were red rimmed and still wet looking as if he'd spent a good part of the day crying, she swallowed her cucumber sandwich thickly as she thought that he probably had spent a good part of the day crying. His hair was messy, no doubt from him running his hands through it when he was stressed and his skin was paler than she liked to see, reminiscent of his breakdown in the stairwell. After they had finally finished lunch Cinna produced a tray of chocolate chip cookies and he bustled about busily clearing the table of their empty plates. He kept a stream of chatter going the entire time and Katniss had to smile to herself as she thought he probably talked more than any shrink she had ever heard, not that she had heard many. It set her at ease as she realized he was doing it so they wouldn't feel obligated to speak just yet. Katniss finally removed her hand from Peeta's as she selected a cookie and sat back in her chair and drew her feet up with her to get comfortable, she settled in and looked expectantly from Peeta to Cinna waiting for one of them to begin. She was going to stay here until she knew exactly what was going on.

Cinna's acute stare took in her posture and then raked over Peeta who seemed to shrink in on himself as soon as Katniss had withdrawn her hand from his, the atmosphere suddenly seemed cold and clinical when only moments ago it had been warm and comfortable. Katniss felt the change too and shivered a little drawing her sweater closer around her as she continued to nibble at a cookie.

"Katniss, I just wanted you to know that this isn't a usual practice and as far as any one is concerned the two of you were never in this room together." Cinna began as he rubbed his fingers along the edge of his mahogany desk. "Certain members of this school would…frown upon this sort of behavior." He stopped rubbing the edge of the desk and met her eyes before he flicked his gaze over to Peeta. "It's my job to make sure you both are comfortable and working through any issues you may have, if either of you feel at any time uncomfortable or want to stop please just let me know. I think…" he paused for a moment as if searching for the right words to use, "You two seem to have developed a very special bond, you've been able to connect with each other on a level I haven't been able to. I think it's a good thing but I want you to both understand that you both have a lot of history that is still affecting you and it will continue to affect you for a long time. I want you both to understand where the other is coming from so that you can both work together and continue moving forward being a source of comfort to the other, especially if I am not around to help you out. Does that make any sense?" He asked as he looked from Katniss to Peeta. Katniss frowned as she churned over his word choice; he was making it sound as if his days were numbered at Panam.

After a brief moment they both she and Peeta had nodded their heads in agreement. Cinna sat forward clasping his hands together and bringing them to his lips, his brow furrowed in thought. "I guess the easiest thing would be for you to ask any questions you have and we can go from there? Okay?" He waited to see if they both agreed before he turned to Katniss expectantly.

She worried her lip back and forth and chewed on it nervously. She tugged on the end of her braid nervously as she glanced nervously at Peeta. "Well um… I guess the thing I have the most confusion over is what exactly happened yesterday in the stairwell?" She rushed to get the words out as if they were made of hot molten material that might burn if she lingered over them.

She looked to Peeta who seemed to hang his head even further at her question. Cinna cleared his throat, "Peeta, would you like to answer that one or would it be okay if I answered for you?" His voice was soft and gentle.

Peeta answered without raising his head. "C-Could you?" His voice shook thick with emotion and he lowered his head back into his arms and began running his fingers through his blonde curls haphazardly. Cinna began to speak and Katniss had to force her eyes from raking over Peeta so that she could focus on what Cinna was saying.

"Peeta was under a fair amount of stress, coupled with the fact that he hadn't gotten much rest over the past few days made him more susceptible to flashbacks. The dark setting in the classroom along with the flickering of the movie also probably helped bring it on."

Katniss had finished her cookie and found her hands back to grasping the arm rests like a lifeline. "Flashbacks? Like post-traumatic stress or something?" She had heard the term repeated to her from State workers about her mother after her father's accident and the term tumbled from her lips with a small amount of venom.

She addressed Cinna directly and he answered her but his eyes surveyed Peeta's posture the entire time, "Yes exactly like post-traumatic stress, Peeta had some holes in his memory and they resurfaced in the form of the flashback that you witnessed. You did a very good job of dealing with the situation, I'm sure it was…unsettling to see Peeta that way. There really is no other way other than to let the memory resurface and then let the person get some rest and then deal with whatever the returning memory has brought along with it."

Her voice caught in her throat, her voice barely above a whisper, "What… what was the flashback from?"

Cinna looked to Peeta instead of answering her; Peeta raised his head at the silence and looked at Cinna. His eyes nervously flicked to Katniss but he quickly averted them and stared out the window. His voice was deep and almost disconnected sounding. "I remembered the night of the accident," he drew in a shaky voice as his control started to slip, "all of it."

Katniss held her breath as she waited for him to continue but when it appeared he wasn't going to she let it out slowly.

"Peeta I know we went through the beginning this morning and I had hoped to go through the rest this afternoon but…would you like Katniss to stay so that you could tell her what happened?" Cinna asked as he slowly approached Peeta's chair and leaned down next to him as he offered a comforting hand on his shoulder.

Katniss felt like her heart had turned to ice at seeing Peeta so completely broken; she wanted to wrap her arms around him and protect him, to make him feel the warmth that he made her feel. He was like a balm to her, she was able to handle things if she had him to help her along and she wanted to be that to him too. When Peeta chanced a glance to her she could see him fighting the tears as Cinna continued to whisper in his ear. She worried her lip again, she was going to draw blood if she kept it up much longer. She really hoped he wanted her to stay. She wanted to know what had happened to such a wonderful person that would make him feel this hopeless. He know the sordid details of her past, why she was a wreck… he hadn't run away screaming and she knew there was nothing Peeta could have done that would drive her away if only he would let down his walls and let her in.

Cinna stepped back and returned to his desk. Katniss's heart sunk when Peeta still didn't say a word, he didn't trust her enough to tell her, he was going to ask her to leave. She sat forward and brought her feet back to the floor and made to stand up when Peeta's warm hand grasped hers and pulled her to his lap with a swift jerk. Caught by surprise she squeaked as she lost her balance and fell down on his lap and instinctively settled herself by wrapping her arm around his neck.

"S-Sorry about that." Peeta muttered and she felt a surge of warmth as she saw the small embarrassed smile spread on his lips. She shifted her weight to get more comfortable and she could see exactly what she did to him she could feel the length of him twitch and harden right underneath her, when her eyes met his she could see the desire burning within them. He discretely repositioned himself to ease the ache he was undoubtedly feeling. "Please stay, I want you to hear this now… I need you to know… to understand."

She nodded to him her eyes wide at his admission and she made to move to return to her chair but Peeta squeezed her and whispered into her ear "Please stay." His breath was warm and tickled, it sent a spark all the way to her toes and she found herself clenching her thighs with want. She simply nodded.

Peeta began to absently stroke small circles on her back as he began, "I wanted to go to a graduation party, my brother Rye, he was popular and everyone loved him. I was always the tag along but I didn't mind. I begged him to go to this party and to take me along, there was this girl I really wanted to ask out and I figured this might be my last chance." He swallowed thickly and Katniss moved her hand to the back of his neck and softly twirled her fingers in his hair to help ease his tension and her own. "Rye didn't want to go but he did it for me. He convinced my parents to let me go along and they agreed. Rye was actually having a good time at the party, having drinks, telling stories of stuff they had done, where they were headed in a few weeks for school. I wandered around looking for the girl to ask her out only to stumble upon her shoving her tongue down the quarterback's throat."

His skin began to get clammy and his grip on her thigh tightened, it didn't hurt her but in another minute it would. She stopped fingering his curls and brought both of her hands to his and pried it off her leg, encasing it in both of hers as she began to trace soft circles on it. He blinked back tears as he mouthed the words "I'm sorry" to her realizing what he had done. She shook her head and kissed his hand, "it's okay" she mouthed back to him.

"I was pretty mad after that, I was ready to leave. Rye handed me his keys and we headed out. I was driving too fast and the road was wet… I lost control on a corner and we rolled down the embankment." He paused and took a few breaths before forging on. "I had just finished telling Cinna that when I woke up I yelled for Rye but it was sometime before he woke up, I was so alone out there in the darkness. When Rye finally answered me his voice was slurred and he didn't make any sense. We were tr-trapped in the car, my leg was caught and I hurt so much."

His tears spilled over and he pulled Katniss to his chest to hide his face. She leaned her head over his and lovingly stroked his face and back as she whispered, "Shhh…". After a few moments he seemed to pull himself back together to continue.

"They pulled him from the car first, the fireman. They had to move him to get to me… he looked fine except for the gash on his head but apparently his damage wasn't on the outside. He di-died before the got him to the hospital."

Katniss continued to try and offer him some comfort but there were no words she could say that would ease the ache he was feeling, instead she opted to keep quiet. She brushed her lips against his forehead and rested her cheek against his clammy skin as his hand resumed rubbing the small circles on her back.

"It took them forever to get me free. My foot and let were caught under the crushed steering column. I didn't even feel the cuts and bruises… I had a hard time catching my breath though because my ribs took a fairly big impact… I thought I was going to die for sure. I'll never forget the sounds that night… the screeching as metal was torn away, the screams that Rye managed to make as they lifted him out of the vehicle. The sounds of the rescuers, the doctors… my parents… it was all my fault."

The tears ran unabashedly down his face completely unchecked. Katniss quickly brought her hands to his face brushing a majority of his tears from his face when she was done she began to kiss the ones still falling. "Peeta it wasn't your fault, it was an accident."

Peeta hiccupped and seemed to pull himself back together. "I... I'll understand if you want to leave now Katniss." Peeta whispered finally bringing his deep blue eyes to hers.

"When are you going to get this Peeta. I. Am. Not. Going. Anywhere." Anger nearly made her voice shake. Not anger at Peeta but how he had been treated by people that were supposed to love him.

The tone in her voice caused him to bring his eyes to hers they were fiery with passion. "Good." He crashed his lips on to hers tangling his tongue intensely with hers and Katniss let out an embarrassing sound like a groan or a sigh at the contact.

"Eh hem." Cinna cleared his voice behind them and they broke apart both of their faces red with having been caught in their moment of passion. Katniss struggled to bring her breathing back down to normal as she offered Cinna a small guilty smile; she had nearly forgotten he was there. "I'm glad you two are okay now but can we keep the PDA to minimum when I'm present?" He chuckled and though he was kindly asking them to stop his eyes seemed to show how happy he was that the two of them were working through this issue so well.

Katniss couldn't help but let out a little giggle at his words. "Okay Cinna." She turned around to face Peeta and was pleased to see that he still had a smile on his lips. She placed a chaste kiss on his cheek and stood to remove herself from his seat and return to her own. The two of them spent the afternoon in Cinna's office going through their sordid histories all while eyeing each other intensely. It sure made the "therapy" session a little less daunting. She had a hard time focusing; instead she kept daydreaming about the feel of Peeta's lips pressed on to hers, the feel of his tongue warring its way into her mouth. No, not a bad day at all. She longed to find some alone time with him in the near future and from the looks Peeta was throwing her all afternoon she thought he felt the same.