Behold, the first update of the new year! 2010 already, hard to believe... Congrats to InsaneChickofWriting for getting 200th review and receiving the one shot Growing Pains. Good luck to everyone for 300th review! -laughs-

As Russia catches sight of America he waves cheerfully. "Alfred~!"

America takes a step backwards, mouth setting into a frown. He points at him. "What is he doing here?"

Italy's eyebrows raise in surprise. "E-eh? Well I invited him of course."

"Why?" He asks in a rather flat voice.

Italy is a bit confused. America seems oddly unhappy to see Russia. "Oh, because... well..."

Italy blushes, glancing at Germany for a second. He doesn't want to blurt out that this was supposed to be a double date. "B-because we're friends!"

Germany seems surprised by the news. America feels himself sinking into a pit of despair. So it had been a trap! He never would have suspected Italy either. Since when were the two of them friends? Unless Russia was perhaps threatening Italy to make him do this. By the way Germany has started to narrow his eyes America has the feeling he is thinking the same thing. But why was Germany here? Something about this seemed very strange. Actually all of this seemed very strange. What was Russia planning?

Russia walks forward. "Alfred, may I speak to you for just a moment in private?"

There was no way he was going to get caught alone with him. He opens his mouth to say so when Germany puts a firm hand on his shoulder and pushes him forward. "If you go through there and close the door you will have more than enough privacy."

America turns to look at him. He had sold him out! Germany gives him a harsh look that screams 'Do it or pay.'

Suddenly it clicks as Germany gives a meaningful look to Italy. Of course, if he was talking to Russia then Germany could speak privately to Italy to find out if Russia was using him. Unhappy to be the distraction but understanding his motive, America stands up straight. If he had to be a sacrifice he would be a brave sacrifice.

"Fine," he says sharply. "Let's talk."

Russia beams happily at him and the two of them leave the room. Russia closes the door tightly behind them. "My, you came without causing even the slightest scene. We really are making progress."

America crosses his arms. "So what do you have to say?"

Russia puts his hands on America's shoulders. "Don't mention your oppositions to our relationship. Not a single peep, understand?"

America glowers up at him. "What relationship?"

Russia tightens his grip his face bordering on a scary expression. "I wish you wouldn't say things like that. It cuts me to the bone. As far as they are concerned we are lovers and it's only a matter of time before it's true so don't give them ideas that this might not be the case. Especially to Italy."

America picks up on this segue to Italy. "What's up with Italy? How did you get him to do this?"

A puzzled look replaces Russia's current expression. "...Get him to do what?"

With a wild wave of his hand to gesture to himself, America snaps, "Invite me here! And I dunno, maybe Germany too unless he's actually in on it. What did you do to make him invite me?"

Russia giggles. "Oh this wasn't my idea at all, it was Italy's."

~.

Germany stares intensely at Italy, hands on his shoulders. "Are you absolutely sure this was your idea?"

Italy frowns up at him, confused. "Yes, of course! Why would you even ask? I invited all of you didn't I?"

"Are you positive that Russia didn't talk you into this?"

Italy shakes his head. "No, it was all me. Russia just agreed to come."

Germany lowers his voice. "If he is threatening you I promise I will protect you. You can tell me anything Italy. You'll be safe."

"Ve? What do you mean if he's threatening me? What makes you think this is his idea anyway?"

"Well it's just that... You were always so afraid of Russia in the past and suddenly the two of you are friends..."

Plus Russia had wanted Germany to give him Italy in the past, meaning he was doubly suspicious.

Italy smiles and shakes his head. "Oh no, not anymore! Russia isn't so scary. He's actually pretty shy. I like him a lot. You shouldn't say mean things about him!"

Germany is taken aback. Was it possible this was the truth then? Italy seems determined to defend him...

Then why was he here?

~.

"It was Italy's idea? Why then?"

Russia glances back at the door. "It's a double date. He's going to attempt to make Germany his lover just like what I'm doing."

America stares at Russia. If this was true then the poor bastard didn't stand a chance. "So he's going to start stalking him and sending him weird poems in Russian and a million sunflowers?"

"Oh, so you did get the poem. How did you like it?"

"Yes, yesterday. I didn't understand a word of it."

"No? Because you couldn't read it or because you're simply too shallow to appreciate poetry?"

America shakes his head. "Hey! This isn't about if I like stupid Russian poetry I can't read! It's about Italy and this 'double date' thing! What's that all about?"

Russia tilts his head. "Mm, I think he's timid about it and needs emotional support. That's why you can't make it all about you for once. Just play nice and enjoy the food."

"That's stupid! Why should I have to do that?"

"Don't you want him to be happy? It's rather selfish of you when he really likes Germany very much."

America juts his chin out. "Well what if Germany doesn't like him?"

Russia raises an eyebrow. "Either way doesn't Italy deserve a chance?"

America looks at Russia shrewdly. "This feels like a trick question."

Russia grabs his chin. "Don't cause problems or I will punish you again. Understand darling?"

An involuntary shiver goes down America's spine. It seems his body had come to fear what this implied. For good reason, he thinks irritatedly.

He pulls away. "Hmph, well I have no idea what's up with what Italy is planning but as long as it doesn't directly involve me I won't cause any problems if you keep your damned hands to yourself! I just want to eat some Italian food and go home, understand?"

Russia smiles softly. "Fair enough."

Rubbing the back of his neck, America turns towards the door. "Seriously, this better not be some bizarre trick Russia."

Russia leans forward and pinches America's arm hard. "Ouch! What was that for you bastard?"

"I decided to try positive and negative reinforcement on you. If you call me Russia I will cause you physical discomfort. If you call me Ivan you will be rewarded."

This had to be some kind of bad dream. "Don't you dare pinch me!"

Russia puts his arm around America's shoulders and starts leading him back towards the door. "Oh it's going to happen. Do keep that in mind next time you have to say my name."

~.

When the two emerge Germany looks thoughtfully at Russia. Russia simply smiles back. Germany's gaze slides to America who carefully tries to avoid it. Just what the hell was he supposed to tell him when he himself doesn't understand what is going on? If Germany happened to like Italy then this would all work out for the best. If not, well... Germany could probably get rid of Italy a lot more easily then he could get rid of Russia. No wait, what was he thinking? Wasn't it his heroic duty to warn Germany? Technically Russia had just said he couldn't do anything that suggested they weren't a couple. Even though they most certainly were not. That meant he could tell Germany right? This was so confusing! Stupid Italy...

America glares at him for a second then looks away quickly when Italy turns his head in his direction. Germany frowns when he sees this. What was going on?

Italy leads them to a table set for four, chatting cheerfully with Russia. Germany and America are silent, uneasy observers. All Germany wants is a moment alone to talk to America and all America wants is some damn food and a long vacation.

Italy seats America and Russia next to one another, placing Germany to the left of his own seat. "Let me grab the food and we can start! Um, I- I need some help..."

Germany opens his mouth to volunteer when Italy cuts him off. "Can you help me Russia?"

Russia stands. "Of course."

Germany is surprised that he has asked Russia instead of him. It only lasts a moment. This was the perfect opportunity to speak with America. Once the two of them have left the room Germany leans over across the table. "Italy claims this was all his idea and he seemed pretty insistent on it. I still don't know what to think."

America frowns, trying to sort out his thoughts. Why should he let Russia control him in the least anyway? He decides to tell Germany how it is as he has interpreted it. "No, I'm pretty sure it was Italy's idea for sure at this point. Though I can say I wouldn't be surprised if Russia somehow had a hand in all of this."

Germany had thought as much. "I see... So what is the point of this?"

America shakes his head, picking up his fork and twirling it on the table. "All I know is it has nothing to do with me. I'm just an unwilling second party who wants some Italian food. I really feel for you though Germany. Don't worry, fight the good fight!"

Germany can't seem to grasp what America is talking about. Unwilling second party... fight the good fight... "What are you talking about America?"

With more energy than is needed, America dramatically points his fork in Germany's direction. "This is part of a plot against you spearheaded by Italy!"

Germany is completely speechless. A plot? Against him? Italy?

America gives him the thumbs up. "Your battle will be an easier one than mine. Don't worry too much about it."

Germany continues to stare at him blankly. This couldn't be serious. Italy was plotting against him?

~.

Italy precariously places a large platter in Russia's hand. "What should I say? Do I let on that this is supposed to be a date? What if I make him uncomfortable?"

Russia easily carries the weight of the two platters as Italy picks up a bottle of wine and a large bowl of tossed salad. "Mm... Well... I can't say for sure, really, but I suppose you should let your intentions be known at some point. It gives him time to get used to the idea."

Italy blushes. "You think so? I don't know... I'm really nervous. Wehhh what do I do? I want him to like me but I'm afraid he only thinks of me as a friend."

Now that they were friends, Russia wants Italy to be happy. He wonders if he should let Italy know he's willing to go to certain lengths to guarantee Germany's affections for him. But he has a feeling Italy would object to them. Maybe he could try that encouragement thing?

"Well, I guess you could look at it this way. Germany and yourself have a very long established, close relationship already correct? America is someone with whom I have shared much hostility for a long time and we are now together. Don't you think you must have a fairly decent chance?"

Italy perks up. "I hadn't thought of that... Thanks Russia! I think I can do it."

Russia becomes distant. "Yes, if you want something bad enough you can make it work. You have to be able to... It has to work."

Italy tilts his head. Russia suddenly seems a bit troubled. "Ve? Something the matter Russia?"

Russia brightens. "No, nothing. Shall we then?"

Italy nods, smiling. "Right!"

~.

Germany's head is spinning. Surely there must be some sort of misunderstanding... Italy couldn't possibly be plotting against him. He had to ask America if he knew anything else while he had the chance.

Meanwhile America drums his fingers on the table. He had warned Germany of what was to come in a perfectly clear manner. At least as far as he's concerned he has. Now all he wants is to eat and try and escape before Russia tried anything funny with him. Reward for a good deed. After all, what Italy did was none of his business if he was just trying to seduce Germany or something. Suddenly America starts cracking up. Sure Italy was supposed to be a damn good lover but he was just so clueless.

Startled, Germany slams his hands on the table, standing as he does so. "What about this situation is funny?"

America shakes his head, shoulders shaking violently. "C-can you imagine Italy tr-trying to be sexy?"

A blush immediately spreads across Germany's cheeks. "Wh-what does that have to do with anything?"

Before America can answer he gets a mental image of Italy on a bed almost completely naked winking and saying, "Hello lover. Ve~"

He starts to laugh so hard he can't breath. It was too hilarious. Confused and flustered, Germany just stares at him as if he's insane. Maybe he was. He was with Russia wasn't he?

America doubles over with laughter. "H-hell-hello lover! Oh God I could die!"

"America! Calm yourself at once!" Germany finally barks, patience snapping.

But America can't stop. It was just too much. Something about the image has really sent him into complete hysterics. He slides out of his chair and starts banging on the seat.

Italy and Russia walk in, looking at America curiously. Italy turns to Germany. "Ve? Did you tell him a really funny joke Germany?"

Germany glares over the table at the laughing American. "I have no idea what is wrong with him! He's completely mad!"

Russia walks up closer to America, setting the platters down. "Alfred, what are you doing?"

America looks up at him and suddenly imagines Russia much as he had imagined Italy, mostly naked and saying in a sing-song voice, "Hello lover. Kolkolkol!"

He snorts loudly and bangs the chair until the wood cracks. "I'm going to die! I c-can't breath! Oh my God that's the funniest thing in the w-w-world!"

Russia doesn't know what America is talking about but he doesn't much like being laughed at. America falls over onto the ground and holds his sides. "I-it hurts! It's so f-funny! H-hello lover! Oh God, hello lover!"

Russia crouches down next to him and says in a very soft voice, "If you don't stop right now I am going to release more of Japan's photos to the press."

This kills the laughter pretty quickly. America finally regains control of himself, breathing hard. He sits up and removes his glasses, wiping tears from his eyes. Despite Russia's warning a smile is still plastered on his face. "Sorry, killjoy. It was a funny mental image that's all."

America puts Texas back on and takes one final deep breath. "Well, shall we eat then?"

Russia frowns thoughtfully at him. "What was a funny mental image?"

America looks from him to a very confused Italy to a very irritated Germany. In his head it had been hilarious. The thought of saying it out loud however made it seem a lot more... well, embarrassing and awkward. "Er...Nothing."

"...Nothing. You laughed that hard over nothing."

America nods. Russia reaches over and pinches him. "Ouch!"

He rubs his arm and glares at Russia, who simply stands and smiles at the still confused Italy and irritated Germany. "We don't want the food to get cold do we?"

Italy looks around at everyone, not sure what had just happened. "E-eh? Um... No I suppose not."

Italy nervously smiles over at Germany who looks rather lost and not very happy about it. When Germany catches sight of Italy he starts to smile then stops halfway and sits down, eyes on the table. The gesture takes Italy off guard. Had he done something wrong? No it must just be his imagination.

Russia helps Italy finish setting the table and they start dishing themselves up. Germany takes everything with some hesitation. There wouldn't be anything wrong with it would there? And every time he has to remind himself everyone is eating off the same dishes so of course not.

Frustrated he finally tells himself, 'Don't be ridiculous! America is either trying to mislead me or I have misunderstood what he meant. Italy wouldn't possibly turn against me!'

But what if Russia had...

The seed of doubt refuses to be shaken completely.

America, blissfully unaware of what he has done with his careless words eats enthusiastically. This was the only reason he was here so he might as well enjoy it.

Italy shyly looks over at Germany. Something seems wrong with him... He gently reaches over to touch his arm. "Germany, is everything-"

Germany jerks away from his touch then looks startled by his own action. "S-sorry."

Italy pulls back, hurt, and eats silently. Russia watches this take place then looks at the clueless America. Somehow this was his fault.

Russia turns to Germany. "So what were the two of you talking about while we were in the kitchen?"

Germany pauses. "N-nothing. We weren't talking about anything."

America lowers his head and hopes Russia leaves him out of this. "...No? I think something must have triggered my darling Alfred's earlier reaction. I just want to know so I might have a clue as to what was so funny."

America cringes at Russia calming him 'his darling Alfred'. Germany shakes his head. "No. We were just... Sitting here."

Russia taps his fork against his plate lightly. "Well, I suppose it's believable that Alfred would start laughing like an idiot completely unprompted."

America's head snaps up. "Shut up Russia!"

Russia reaches over and pinches him, hard. "Ow! Would you cut that out?"

After a pause Italy asks very slowly. "Why do you keep pinching him?"

Russia smiles. "It's a game. Isn't it Alfred?"

America narrows his eyes at Russia. Before he can speak and get himself into more trouble the doorbell rings. Italy starts to stand up. "That's strange, I didn't invite anyone else... I'll be right back!"

He leaves the room and the three of them sit in uneasy silence. As Italy walks towards the door he sighs sadly. This wasn't going as well as planned. Russia and America seemed like they might be having a fight and Germany was acting strangely. He tries to make himself cheer up. A rocky start could be smoothed over.

Italy throws the door open widely. "Hello?"

Japan stands on the other side looking determined. "Konichiwa Italy. You said Russia was going to be here, correct? I need to see him if you don't mind."

AN: Hmmm this is going on longer than expected but the next part concludes the double date. Watching that was like seeing a train wreck in slow motion wasn't it? -laughs- America you fool!