Day 14
Veronica slunk into the seat next to Logan five minutes late. He didn't bother looking at her – apparently he'd given up - and though every muscle in her body ached to turn to him, to reach out and touch him, she sat still in her chair and kept her eyes fixed on Ms. James.
"Sorry I'm late," she mumbled.
"That's okay, Veronica, but please try to be on time from now on. Since you missed school on Friday, after we're done here, I'm going to have you stay and work on your weekly letter."
Veronica bent down, pulled an envelope from her bag, and handed it to Ms. James. "I wrote one over the weekend."
Logan, who had been uncharacteristically motionless - is he even breathing over there? - up until that minute, started tapping a rhythm on his knee with his thumb. She wanted desperately to grab his hand to stop him but…
"That's great. I'm glad to see you're taking this seriously." After being met with two poker-faced teens, Ms. James cleared her throat.
"Why don't we just chat a little today before I send you to detention? We only have two more weeks to go before this ends. I'd like to get your thoughts on how things are going between you two. Or anything else you'd like to discuss… whatever's on your mind."
Oh, God. What's on my mind? Let's see. Sexual awakening. Finally knowing what arousal feels like. Logan's arms. Logan's back. Logan's hands. How I'm ever supposed to function normally around him again. The hurt look in his eyes this morning when I walked right by him.
Logan began, "I'd like to commend you, Becky, on a job well done. Veronica and I, well, let's just say we've gotten quite a bit closer since this whole thing started and-"
"It's Ms. James, Logan."
"Right, sorry, Ms. James. Apologies. As I was saying, we've been busy mending fences. Wouldn't you agree, Veronica?"
He cocked his head toward her and quirked an eyebrow. Veronica shot him a warning glance and made some non-committal sound in slight agreement.
"In fact, I think you'd be interested to know that just this weekend, Veronica and I went to a party together and-"
Oh no. He wouldn't…
"-she let me taste her-"
He would!
"Cookies!" Veronica piped in, flustered.
Logan gave her his smug jackass look. "Yes, that's just what I was going to say. Cookies."
"Snickerdoodles," Veronica added, looking at Ms. James. "It's a Mars family recipe."
"And let me just tell you, they were the best. cookies. ever. Creamy, sweet but not too sweet, melt in your mouth. I couldn't get enough. I devoured them. They're all I've been able to think about all weekend. Unfortunately, we must need more couples counseling because just when I asked for another cookie, she snatched them away. Told me I couldn't have any more. It was a total," and he swiveled his head back to Veronica and said with barely concealed venom, "mind fuck."
"Are you sure we're talking about cookies right now? Or is this about sex? And Logan, watch your language."
Veronica jumped in. "No! It's not about sex. It's totally about cookies. I'm just sayin', they're that good, Ms. James. One taste of my snickerdoodles and-"
"You'll never want another cookie as long as you live." Logan said quietly, still looking at Veronica.
When she heard his voice go all soft, she couldn't resist looking at him and, yep, full schmoop face.
"Veronica, is there a reason that you wouldn't let Logan have another cookie?"
Could I please just spontaneously burst into flames right now? That would be better than this torment.
"Well, he did have a lot of cookies. And I thought it would be best to save some for other people to enjoy. Maybe someone who never tried a snickerdoodle before."
"That seems fair."
Logan huffed in response.
Logan sorted through the bin of soccer balls, pulling out the squishiest ones.
"So what is it then? Why did you dodge my calls and texts all weekend? Some stupid part of me just hoped you lost your phone. But when I drove over to see you on Saturday night and saw your car in the lot and you wouldn't answer the door, I figured you changed your mind."
Veronica took a ball and inserted the pump. She busied herself with inflating it.
"What did I do, Veronica?" he asked, almost pleading. "I mean, when I dropped you off on Friday, everything was fine."
Everything was better than fine. The stars had fucking aligned.
**FLASHBACK – CASEY'S HALLOWEEN PARTY**
"Yeah. We should stop."
She took a deep breath and blinked a few times.
"I know. You're right." He leaned his forehead against hers and brushed his fingers along her cheek. "When I brought you up here, I didn't mean for things to go this far." He gave her a little smile. "Best decision I ever made and, um, best kiss I've ever had."
She looked at him in wondrous disbelief for a second, then, as if she couldn't help herself, her hands grasped his shoulders and pulled him in for another long kiss, only breaking away when they both needed oxygen. He kissed her nose, the side of her neck, her hand, lifted her off the dresser and slowly slid her down the front of him, body parts rubbing deliciously together, until her feet met the floor.
On the mostly silent ride home, they held hands, propped on the minivan's giant middle console. His thumb caressed her fingers absently as she looked out the window.
"Wanna talk about this?" he asked, hopefully, when they reached her apartment.
"I'm kind of in shock."
"In a good way?"
"I guess. Mostly."
He squeezed her hand. "Will you go out with me? On a real date?"
She hesitated and pulled her hand from his. "You sure about that? It's not like I'm typical Logan Echolls date material."
"What do you mean?"
"Oh, you know... vapid, easy…" She looked down and fiddled with her thigh holster.
"Hey. Look at me. I haven't dated anyone since Lilly. Hook ups? Yes. Dated? No. And, trust me, you are the only one I want to go out with. Unless…are you dating someone else?"
"No," she said with a wry laugh. "I'm single."
"Good. So back to my question. Please say yes."
She grinned at him and he couldn't resist stealing a few kisses. Between each one he said, "Say yes," until she was laughing and pushing him back into his space.
"Okay. Yes."
"Oh, thank God," he said, leaning back over and tasting her lips again. The position was awkward with the console in the middle but they made it work. Things escalated quickly and his hand soon found the side of her breast under her tank top while her hand slipped under his loincloth. As she began to caress the skin of his upper thigh, he moaned, low and husky, and she immediately pulled back.
She smiled at him apologetically. "It's late. I should get going."
"Let me walk you up." He pulled the keys out of the ignition and moved to open his door.
She glanced up and saw that the apartment lights were on. "No! That's okay. I mean my dad's probably up there so..."
So?
"Oh. Okay." He lifted her hand to his lips and gave it a kiss. "I'll call you tomorrow."
As she was leaving he said, "And Veronica?"
"Yeah?"
"Thanks for the best Halloween I can remember."
She grinned back at him and said, "Me too."
**END FLASHBACK**
"You didn't do anything."
"Veronica. Talk to me."
"I can't."
"Why?"
"Because I can't." She grabbed the next basketball and pumped it up.
"Thanks for clearing that up."
She looked at his chest as she spoke. "What happened with us was a mistake. We're just too different. I'm sorry."
Like hell it was a mistake.
Dropping his soccer ball into the bin, he walked over and took the basketball out of her hands, placing it back on the rack. He reached out to hold her hand but thought the better of it and pushed both of his hands into his pockets.
"No. It's time for you to listen. You're all I think about. The way you sound, the way you smell, the delightful way you taste. You're so goddamn beautiful I feel like I can't breathe when you look at me. I wasn't alone in that room, I know you felt it, too. But then something happened. You talked yourself out of it. Just tell me why."
She took a step away from him and couldn't meet his eyes. "It's just that you're, well, … you. And I'm…me. And I can't see us being a good match. Dissimilar backgrounds and all that.
"So it's because I'm an '09er and you're not? It's about money? That's completely fucked up. You know I don't care about that."
"No, it's not about money."
"So, if it's not about money, then what do you mean by dissimilar…wait. This is about sex, isn't it? You think I've been with too many other girls?"
She just looked at him and didn't say a word and he knew he was right.
I can't say she isn't right. I HAVE been with too many girls.
"What can I say to make it better? That they didn't mean anything to me? Cause they didn't. It's nothing like how I feel about-"
"This is just what I'm talking about, Logan. You can't change your past and I can't change mine."
"What's past is past, though. Or do you make all your dates tell you their sexual histories before deciding whether they're worthy? What's the magic number that's acceptable in your estimation? Are they allowed to have had sex before or will you only date virgins?"
"Stop it. You know that's not fair."
"Do I? What do I know?" he said, gesturing wildly. "Practically nothing about your dating history other than Duncan. I have no idea how many boyfriends you've had in the past year or your number of sexual partners and - guess what - I don't care. It does not matter to me in the least. All I know is that we are on fire together and if you refuse to let yourself find out what that means based on my past, then you're an even bigger control freak than I thought you were."
"Says the guy who dragged me Tarzan style through a party."
"Right. You totally didn't enjoy what happened after we went upstairs. It was all me, is that what you're telling yourself now?"
She looked down and pushed her hair behind her ear. "No. I liked it, too," she said quietly.
He instinctively reached out for her hand again but she didn't notice so he dropped his arm to his side. "So? Can we please-"
"So can we be friends? Forget about the kissing?" she interrupted.
He felt physically ill, like if she wasn't standing a foot away from him, he might've thought she actually gut-punched him. He wanted to grab his stomach and fold in on himself but pride and indignation kept him upright. He thought he should be used to this churning feeling of desperation by now but it didn't make it any easier. Would he ever wise up and stop hoping for good things? Especially things he clearly didn't deserve like Veronica.
And now that he knew what she felt like under his hands and the smoothness of her skin and the way she sighed when he kissed her stomach and the feeling of her small, warm hand on his thigh, he figured it would be damn near unbearable for him to be her friend. That it might just kill him.
"Friends? Yeah. Friends sounds better than mortal enemies," and his voice – damn it – cracked as he said it and she was kind enough to pretend not to notice.
Veronica had spent all weekend looking through Adam Diehl's email. Truth be told, she also spent quite a lot of time obsessing about Logan but no one ever accused her of not being able to multitask. Several things she discovered about Adam Diehl:
He is desperately in love with Shannon Hastings and she returned the feelings. Romantic emails had been exchanged as far back as over a year ago.
He never deleted any emails. They go back several years to his hire date. Veronica wondered why someone from the IT department didn't show him how to archive.
Shannon Hastings mentioned fear of her husband a few times.
He confused the correct use of 'there' and 'their' somewhat regularly, much to Veronica's annoyance.
Okay, so maybe he doesn't have the best mastery of homophones but he is hot and totally sweet.
Some of the emails Diehl wrote to his beloved spoke directly to the formerly innocent Veronica and she couldn't help but squee on the inside. The words he wrote were intimate, kind, loving, and showed a depth of emotion she didn't know was possible based on her limited experience with the opposite sex. It was a fascinating look inside a real life love story.
He sees exactly who she is, flaws and all, and loves her completely.
Other emails, well, they spoke to a different part of Veronica. From the looks of things, Diehl and Hastings had a passionate sex life. Countless messages describing what they wanted to do to each other and what they had done to each other, were sprinkled throughout the romantic ones.
More than once during her email review, her mind strayed to Logan and she wished for the millionth time that things could be different. She knew her own inability to be vulnerable was the biggest problem but she didn't know how to get past it. Especially with him. She hoped it would be possible for her to be in a normal relationship someday but had the sinking feeling that maybe she'd never be normal again.
If I can't cry, or be honest, or talk about my feelings, or my past with anyone where does that leave me?
After saying goodbye to Logan in the parking lot after detention, where they both attempted to fill the hour with stilted small talk and entirely failed at eliminating the tension, she realized she never gave him any update on his case. She was now pretty sure, almost positive, that Diehl had nothing to do with it. She also thought she better step up surveillance on Hastings' husband. Switching the tracker and any additional surveillance definitely fell in the "out of office" category so she felt obligated to let Logan know. Whether or not he would want to join her, she didn't know. Whether or not she wanted him to join her, she also didn't know.
Given her belief in Diehl's innocence, she felt comfortable telling Logan that he was safe to drive the XTerra again. And that should be the end of the case. But she kind of developed warm feelings for Adam Diehl after reading his personal thoughts and, dammit, she really wanted to reunite him with his lady love. Given the nature of what Hastings said about her husband, Veronica had a hunch that she was in hiding in an attempt to protect both her unborn child and boyfriend. Any work to find her after this would be on her own dime and based on the number of times she and her dad ate macaroni and cheese over the last month, they really could use some paying cases.
Veronica went to work at Mars Investigations with a lot on her mind. She decided to wait a day to move the tracker to give Logan time to decide if he wanted to join her.
From Logan 9:43 p.m.
Hey. You there?
From Veronica 9:44 p.m.
Yeah. What's up?
From Logan 9:44 p.m.
Question 3: If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go?
From Veronica 9:48 p.m.
Italy. If I could I'd study abroad there. I want to see everything and eat everything. You?
From Logan 9:55 p.m.
Also Italy
From Veronica 9:56 p.m.
Why?
From Logan 9:57 p.m.
Cause I want to watch you see everything and eat everything
From Veronica 10:02 p.m.
You can't steal my answer. You have to choose somewhere else.
From Logan 10:03 p.m.
Were you always this bossy?
From Veronica 10:03 p.m.
Of course
From Logan 10:04 p.m.
Tahiti. My mom took me there when I was 9 for my birthday. Just me and her. I started surfing there. Clearest turquoise water you've ever seen. Heaven on Earth.
From Veronica 10:05 p.m.
Now I want to steal your answer
From Logan 10:05 p.m.
Anything you want. It's yours. Night, V. Sweet dreams.
From Veronica 10:06 p.m.
Night, Lo. Sweet dreams.