Chapter 13
When you've finally met your first pair of naked boobs and then are deprived of them for two whole weeks, it's painful – in more ways than one. Being grounded sucked. The up side, heh heh, was I had new material to draw from when jerking off. I'd shaved a good minute off my personal best time. I'm not sure if that was a good or a bad thing, but it is what it is.
Seeing as I was grounded, Bella and I stole as many kisses as we could during lunch break at school. I wasn't as brave as Jasper, who skipped classes and did God knows what with Alice in the back of his car. And from the rumors going around school, Rosalie and Emmett ditched class and made use of the boy's locker room. Considering all the sweat and other bodily fluids in there, it certainly wouldn't be my first choice.
After our grounding, Mom and Dad watched us kids like hawks. Our only real private time, besides at school, was at night when Bella and I would chat on the phone for hours at a time.
The problem with that was I have a hamster bladder so a few times I had to take a leak while talking to her. Being that I'm completely uncoordinated, I almost lost my phone in the shitter a couple times. Not wanting Bella to know I was peeing while talking to her, I'd cover up the mouthpiece before flushing. I thought I was being totally stealthy about it, but Bella's not dumb.
"Did you just go to the bathroom?"
"No, heh heh, I was just, uh, relaxing in here – the toilet's rather comfortable."
Yes, I'm a terrible liar.
Know what else I'm terrible at? Phone sex.
Okay, technically it wasn't phone 'sex' because we're nowhere near that in our relationship, but let's just say that talking dirty- on the phone or otherwise- isn't exactly my forte.
In my defense, I did Google what to say and I'd written down some of the lines that were hot. Except when you're reading from a piece of paper and trying to decipher your own chicken scratch at the same time, it doesn't exactly go as planned.
It went something like this. And FYI: Bella started it.
"You know what I wish we were doing right now, Edward?"
Can I jump in here and say that the way Bella asked the question was all sultry and sexy-like? And wasn't that question her way of begging for some dirty talk? Yeah, I thought so to. I took her statement and ran with it.
"Let me guess. You wish you were here, in my room, kissing me and rubbing my cock. You'd be on your knees in front of me, my dick hard and throbbing; ready for your sweet, seductive mouth. Perhaps you'd prefer if I were in control. I'd lay you down on my bed; rip off your bra and panties. Your nipples would be begging for my teeth to nibble on them. I'd lick you everywhere. Well, except your feet - feet are kinda gross. Anyway, my hand would travel lower, and caress your clitoris. Note: replace 'clitoris' with…question mark, question mark. Oh shit, sorry I was supposed to Google another word for that, heh heh. When I read 'clitoris' it sounds like a dinosaur. Now, where was I?" I flipped the pages over trying to find out where I'd left off.
"Um, Edward?"
"Yeah?"
"When I asked if you knew what I wish we were doing right then, I was actually going to say I wish we were at the movies."
"I'm sorry – the movies?"
"Yeah – Tarantino's new movie came out today."
I scratched my head. "Oh…heh heh. Well, this is a little awkward then."
Bella chuckled. "Yeah, a little."
"Was it at least, you know, hot?" I wondered. I thought it was. In fact, I was looking around my room for a sock.
"Honestly? It was just okay. It was a little scripted and monotone."
"Damn it." I'd definitely have to work on that.
After my failed attempt at talking dirty I thought it would be better if we stuck to texting. I discovered that via texts I was a lot braver than I normally was. Hiding behind my words, I edited myself to look more confident than I really was. I think I came off as much less dorky.
One night texting turned into sexting. Honest, it wasn't my intention, although I'm certainly not complaining. I simply told Bella I missed her and the conversation progressed from there.
Edward: I miss u
Bella: miss u 2
Edward: what do u miss about me?
Bella: ur smile. What do u miss about me?
Edward: ur boobs
(Okay, maybe I was still a dork.)
Bella: LOL They miss u 2
Edward: U should send me a pic. I'm forgetting what they look like
That's called wishful thinking.
And let me tell you, wishes do come true because the next text was a picture of her boobs. She'd pulled down her t-shirt revealing a pink bra (holy hell) and a whole lot of cleavage. Unfortunately, there was no nip slip, but I'd take it!
Edward: WOWZA!
Bella: You like?
Edward: yes! Sorry, typing one handed now.
Bella: LOL
I wasn't kidding but I'd let her think so.
Wouldn't you know it my stupid sister sent me a text right then interrupting me gawking at Bella's boobs.
Rosalie: do u have my English Lit book?
I sent her a quick 'no' reply back and went back to my convo with Bella.
Edward: that pic gives me a chubby
Bella: really?
Edward: Fuck yeah!
Bella: Prove it!
Rosalie: Are you sure you don't have my book?
Fuck off, Rosalie! I sent that exact text back to her then took a picture of the bulge in my pants and forwarded it to Bella before I chickened out. If I do say so myself, it was a good picture – my sweatpants left very little to the imagination. Okay, I may have bagged them out a wee bit to give a better idea of what she was missing out on, but you know what I mean.
Rosalie: WTF is that?! OMG my eyes! My eyes!
Shit! Fuck! Shit! Fuck!
Edward: Pretend you didn't see that!
Rosalie: I wish I could! Eeeewwww! OMG ur sexting with Bella! Jazz will love this!
I ran out of my room into the hallway hoping to intercept her. Unfortunately, I was too late.
"Jazz, check this shit out!" Rosalie was laughing as she showed Jasper the picture. He squinted his eyes and tilted his head back and forth for a second.
"Is that what I think it is?"
He looked at me for clarification and since I hadn't had time to deflate it was confirmed.
"Why the fuck are you texting a picture of your boner to your sister?"
"She's my step-sister. Duh."
Jasper snorted. "Well, that makes it so much better. Dude! I think there's something seriously wrong with you!"
"What's wrong with Edward? Is he sick?" Mom asked as she came up the stairs. I quickly flipped my dick up, tucking it under the waist band of my sweat pants and made sure my shirt was pulled far enough down to cover it. It's an old trick I've learned.
Jasper smirked. "I'm pretty sure something's up with him."
"Definitely up," quipped Rosalie. "But it's nothing big. Don't worry about it, Mom."
I glared at the two of them. Fuckers.
"Edward?" Mom walked over to me and put her hand on my forehead. "You do feel a little warm."
I ducked my head away from her. "Ma, I'm fine."
"Perhaps you should go to bed early tonight."
"I said I'm fine!"
"If you say so." Mom walked down the hall to her room, leaving me alone with Rose and Jasper.
Jasper grabbed my phone from my hand and went through my text conversation with Bella.
"Wow. Bella's got a nice rack for a skinny chick."
I lunged at him, knocking him over and got a few good punches to his stomach before he pushed me off, flipped me over and clocked me in the face. That was definitely going to leave a mark.
"Jasper! Edward! Stop it right now!" Mom grabbed at Jasper's shirt and pulled him off me. "What's gotten into you kids?"
"Jasper disrespected Bella. That's not cool!" I argued.
"Edward's got dirty pictures on his phone!"
My eyes bugged out. I couldn't believe he ratted me out. I took a chance that he had some on his. I mean, if anyone had porn on his phone, it'd be him for sure.
"Jasper does too!" I stood up, feeling a little woozy from the punch to the face.
There was no sympathy from Mom. She held out her hand and demanded we hand over our phones. I noticed Rosalie had conveniently disappeared.
Jasper and I both did as we were told. Mom looked at my phone first. Her eyes went wide and her lips pursed together.
"You boys wait in your rooms. Your father and I will talk to you later. Rosalie! Come here please and bring me your phone."
Rosalie sauntered out of her room, a smirk on her face.
"What's wrong, Mom?" She asked as she passed her phone over.
"Do you have pornography on phone, too?"
Rose looked like the epitome of innocence.
"What? Of course not. Just the picture Edward sent me. See?"
Mom looked at her screen then back at me.
"Edward, why would you text a picture of a sock stuffed into your sweatpants to your sister?"
Jasper snickered so I jutted my chin at him.
"That's all me, baby. I mean, Mom."
"Everyone to your rooms. We'll call you down in a bit."
Mom went downstairs calling 'Carlisle' in a desperate sounding voice. As soon as she was gone, Jasper punched me again, this time in my shoulder.
"What the fuck, dude? You totally ratted us both out!"
"You started it!"
"Did not!"
"Did too!"
"What are you guys, six?" Rosalie rolled her eyes. "I'm glad I don't have anything to worry about."
"Maybe Mom would like to hear about you skipping out to dry hump your boyfriend in the locker room?"
"You wouldn't dare, Jasper. You know I have worse dirt on you." Rosalie glared at him, and Jasper must have known she was right because he dropped it. Damn it! I wanted to know what that dirt was!
"That's just fucking great. I'll probably lose my phone and all of Alice's x-rated texts will be deleted. Thanks a lot, Edward." Jasper stormed past me to his room, slamming his door. I went back to my room and slammed my door harder to make a point.
Within the hour, Mom and Dad had called Jasper and me to the living room. Little Miss Priss Rosalie was off the hook, having deleted anything incriminating off her phone and out-smarted our parents.
Jasper and I got a lecture about inappropriate texts and how things can be leaked to the Internet, yada, yada, yada. Then we got yet another safe sex talk. I thanked God that this one didn't involve props or anything pertaining to butt hole sex. Finally, we were grounded for another week and our phones confiscated.
The plus side for me was they didn't take my journal away, so I still had something to do with my time. I locked myself in my room after the lecture and wrote another poem.
Apparently I suck at talking dirty on the phone
Even though my own words left me with a big bone
I'm pretty sure I made Bella yawn
Because with my words I did ramble on
I'm going to do more research on it
Mark my words, one day, I'll be the shit.
Phone sex aside, we moved on to texting
I think I'm much better at sexting.
Bella sent me a picture of her boobs by text
It certainly left me feeling quite vexed.
I tried to send her a picture back
Of my penis power pack.
Unfortunately, I sent it to Rosalie instead
Immediately I was filled with dread.
She showed it to Jasper, that fuck
Seriously, I have the worst luck.
Now I'm grounded for a while longer
Oh well, they say absence makes the heart grow fonder.
…
…
I read the poem aloud to myself.
"Longer. Fonder. Eh, I guess it'll do. It's a near rhyme." I was talking to myself.
Or so I thought.
"What are you doing?" Jasper leaned against my doorway, smirk on his face.
"None of your business. And don't you knock?" I held my journal behind my back.
"I did knock but I guess you were so enthralled with your 'penis power pack' you didn't hear me. Since when did you keep a diary? What are you, the next Diary of a Wimpy Kid?"
"Very funny. It's a journal, thank you very much. I write my personal thoughts in it."
"So, nothing too deep then."
I flipped him the middle finger. "Did you need something?"
"Nope, I think I've seen enough. Have a good night. I think I will. I'll probably jerk off to the naughty little picture Bella sent you. Thanks."
I narrowed my eyes at him. "You're an asshole."
"Thank you," he said with a slimy smirk and a deep bow.
Cocky motherfucker. I literally slammed my door in his face. I was so pissed off after he left that I wrote another poem to blow off some steam.
Jasper is such a dick
He thinks he's so slick
Really he's just a fucking asshole
Sometimes I hate him with my whole soul
How dare he make a rude comment about my girl
God, he makes me want to hurl.
Him talking smack about Bella isn't cool
I wish my parents would sent him to an all boys school.
Hello again, faithful readers and friends
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