Meg removed the earplugs and sighed when only silence met her hearing. The spawn had been up all night crying. Nothing Castiel, Gabriel, or the brothers could do would calm the baby. Meg had stayed in her room, finally putting the ear plugs in in an attempt to keep from mauling somebody.
Heading into the library she saw Dean and Gabriel crowded around the television. Sam was seated at a table with a thick book in front of him and his laptop open. Meg joined the ones at the television.
Castiel came out of the kitchen, Amil in his arms and a bottle in his hand. He saw Meg and his expression immediately grew stormy.
"What?" Meg asked, confused as to what she had done wrong.
"Here," he said, thrusting the bottle at her. She took it, confused, and he started to hand the baby to her. She jumped up from the chair and out of his reach.
"Whoa, no."
"Meg, take your son."
Amil saw her and began to babble happily and reach towards her. She took a step back.
"No, Castiel. We've talked about this." A month had passed since she had confessed to Castiel about her fears that Amil had changed her. He had seemed to, if not accept it, respect her decision. She didn't understand why he was suddenly acting as if he didn't understand where she was coming from.
"I don't care," he replied, his voice harsh and raised.
Amil started at the sound of Castiel's voice and suddenly began to cry. Dean got up from the sofa and reached for the baby. Castiel turned away from his friend's grasp.
"No, let Meg."
"He doesn't need to see you fighting," Dean said and took the infant. He disappeared into the kitchen.
Castiel frowned after them and turned back to Meg. She had never seen him so angry.
"I told you how I feel and—" she began.
"Get over it," Castiel interrupted.
Meg glanced at Gabriel, who had put his feet up on the coffee table and was watching the argument as though it were a TV show. He even now had a bowl of popcorn.
"Excuse me?" Meg asked.
"You heard what I said. You need to move past this. You're a mother, Meg. You need to stop being selfish—"
"Hi. Demon here . Selfishness—"
"And you need to stop using your being a demon as an excuse for everything! I'm an angel and I've had to do things angels don't normally do. This whole situation is something angels don't normally do!"
"A situation I never asked for! I never wanted to be pregnant, Cas, and I don't want a baby. Especially not one who—"
"I didn't either! I never wanted to be a father but now I am. I've had to accept that fact and you need to accept—"
"I don't have to accept a single fucking thing."
He closed his mouth and his eyes grew cold. "Then you can leave."
"Excuse me?"
"Whoa. Let's just take a breath before we say or do something we regret," Sam interrupted, stepping into the living room.
"Stay out of this Sam," Castiel growled.
"Sam's right, little bro," Gabriel added, sitting forward.
"I'm not little, and you stay out of this, too," Castiel said to the archangel before turning back to Meg. "I mean it. I'll not have you here confusing or hurting Amil anymore. I'll not have you around while I'm essentially being a single parent. I'm done with that, Meg. It's not fair or right. So you can either be a mother or leave."
Meg felt a sharp ache in her chest. He was choosing that spawn over her. Of course, what did she expect? He was an angel. Angels thought demons were filth. Abominations. Oh, he had made her think that he felt differently, but that had obviously been a trick.
She had thought that she had been playing him at first, leading him on to get his protection. Turned out he had been leading her on in a worse way.
He had made her believe that he saw her differently. That he truly saw who she was. He had made her lower her guards and trust him.
He had made her—
"I'm from there, so you can understand that I know everything it is. So you believe I mean it with everything that I am when I say: go to Hell, Castiel."
She stormed into the front entry and turned off the wards. Without a backwards glance, she rushed up the stairs and out of the bunker.
o.O.o
Castiel watched Meg go with a strange numbness filling him. He wasn't sure what to do now.
"You're right. You're not little," Gabriel said, slowly getting up from his chair. "You're a giant ass."
"Gabriel," he growled.
"You need to go after her, Cas," Sam said.
"No. She made her choice."
"Choice? There was no choice there," Gabriel scoffed.
"Did you not hear—"
"Oh, I heard everything, little bro," Gabriel said, emphasizing the nickname. "In what world is it ever a good idea to give a demon an ultimatum?"
"She needed to—"
"To what? Completely change everything that she is to suit your idea of what a family is? To suit your timetable?"
Gabriel's words caused an uncomfortable feeling to form in his chest. "I don't have to listen to this."
He started to leave and felt archangel grace gathering.
"Oh, you're going to listen, Castiel." Gabriel said.
Castiel turned and saw Gabriel's eyes glowing and his wings projected. A part of him cowered under his older brother's anger.
"I didn't help you and make myself an enemy of Heaven so you can throw it all away because of stubbornness and stupidity."
"I'm not—"
"Shut up!" Gabriel demanded.
Castiel glanced at Sam. The hunter was watching the proceedings with calm interest.
"You knew what you were getting into when you took up with a demon. A demon, Castiel. Did you really think that this whole shitstorm of events would change who she really was? That she'd turn into June Cleaver?" Gabriel continued.
"I don't understand that reference," he muttered.
"A perfect mother with a white apron and homemade cookies," Gabriel replied, exasperation in his words.
"No."
"Then what?"
"I just wanted her to—" He wiped his forehead, feeling exhausted and drained, "—be his mother."
"Maybe she would have if you'd given her more time," Sam said quietly.
"She's had time. The pregnancy was three months. Amil is two months old. That's five months to get used to the idea that this is reality now. How much time does she need?"
"We'll never know, now, will we? Because you spoke out of your ass instead of your mouth," Gabriel said. Castiel opened his mouth to reply, confused, and Gabriel held up his hand. "Don't."
"You need to fix this, Cas," Sam said quietly.
"How?"
Sam sighed and pushed his hair back from his face. "I'll go find her and bring her back."
"I should be the one to—"
"You can't. You have a child."
"I cannot let you put yourself in danger for me."
"I'm not doing it for you," Sam said. "I'm doing it for Amil. I know what it's like to lose your mother so young you cannot even remember her. He shouldn't have to go through that. So I'll go out and get Meg back. You just make sure you apologize when we get here."
"Flowers. Candy. Groveling. Great sex," Gabriel said firmly.
Sam left within the half hour. Dean was not pleased to find out that his little brother had gone off to search for Meg, furthermore without Dean. When he found out Sam had taken the Impala he looked ready to murder someone. Gabriel had simply placed Amil back in Dean's arms, saying no human could remain angry while holding a baby.
It worked.
Oh, Dean was still angry, but he had simply walked away muttering about supernatural beings and domestic squabbles.
Later that night, he let Castiel know in no uncertain terms that if Sam ended up injured because of this, he would put an angel blade through Castiel's heart.
Castiel believed him.
Sam returned three days later, uninjured and without Meg. He had searched, but could not find even a trace of her. It was not surprising. Meg had lived for hundreds of years, and she could hide if she wanted to.
That night Castiel sat quietly in the nursery long after putting Amil down for the night. He stared at the baby and felt a deep sense of shame. Because of him and his misplaced sense of right and wrong, Amil would grow up motherless.
He had never wanted to change Meg. Not really. Oh, he had a tiny sense of hope after she told him she she felt changes because of what she thought was Amil. But other than that, he liked her being a demon.
No, what he had wanted was for her to do the right thing. Every time he had seen Amil look at Meg hopefully, call out to her...only for Meg to ignore or reject the baby...it broke his heart. It was wrong.
His actions had been a combination of exhaustion and that fierce protectiveness that Amil caused. He had no longer wanted to see his son hurting.
Yes, the right thing would have been to give Meg more time. Continue to go slowly. Let the instincts that he knew she was burying fight to the surface.
He vowed that if she would just come back, he would make things right.