Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush and I am not profiting from writing this story.
Author's Note #1 - To m dear readers, I am still here. I apologize for the delay, please forgive me. Enjoy the Kendall angst/whumpage as a token of my apology. Minor Language warning!
Chapter 13 - Feeling Your Fears And Fortifying Your Faith
The room was spinning once again. The air had somehow become thinner, and the temperature seemed to have dropped ten degrees. Kendall was aware of all those things at once, and he knew it was his body reacting to his vast array of emotions, an impending panic attack surely looming. However, he couldn't process that influx of information; his mind was trying to wrap itself around what Gabriel had just said.
Silence had fallen on the room as Kendall stood in pure shock, even though he could feel his blood pounding against his eardrum, even though the dreaded words raced through his mind in torturous repetition. 'No one is coming.' Just thinking the words caused a cold chill to snake down his back as his blood ran frigid once again. It made the room to turn dangerously on its imaginary axis. It forced Kendall to take a sharp intake of air as he struggled to breath. It caused his body to shake in fear.
"This can't be happening. Y-Y-You can't be... God, you can't be serious right now. Pl-please, tell me you're lying. Tell me that this is just your idea of a sick joke," Kendall begged, shaking his head, hoping beyond hope that what he heard wasn't true.
"Kendall, I'm sorry, but -"
"No! Don't say it again! I don't think I can take it if you say it again," Kendall interrupted, already knowing what the older man was going to say, his sad blue eyes relaying the heartbreaking news that his mouth was about to reveal. But Kendall was already teetering close to the edge of sanity, and he was sure hearing the words that help was not coming for him and his friends would propel him over and cause him to finally lose his mind.
That was it. It was over. They had risked everything - their safety, their chance of rescue, their lives - to make it to these cabins in hopes of getting help. While Kendall was grateful for the helping hand Gabriel had offered him and his friends, he knew they needed more help than Gabriel could provide. With the extensive injuries they all sustained, Kendall knew they needed paramedics, ambulances, a freaking hospital! But that wasn't going to happen. They had no way of alerting anyone of their injuries, no means to communicate how desperately they needed aid and therefore, no way to get medical attention. They were stranded in this cabin, forced to endure the remaining hours of this snowstorm and wait until they slowly succumbed to their injuries. Kendall would have to watch as his best friends died.
"Oh, God," Kendall gasped, as the suffocating fear cut off the oxygen entering his lungs, making it difficult for him to breathe, let alone speak. He could feel himself hyperventilating as the panic set in, causing him to become light headed as his mind raced at the same fast speed the room seemed to spinning. His thoughts were jumbled and before he could even process what he was thinking, the words were coming out of his mouth. "N-no, no, no! It wasn't supposed to happen like this. W-w-we were supposed to make it to the cabins a-and then we'd call for help. Yeah, that was - that was the plan. W-W-We'd - we'd call for help and they would come - they would come and take us home. We're supposed to go home. We're not supposed to be stuck here. We supposed to be home right now. Help has to come to take us home."
"Kendall, you have to understand that-"
"No! No, you have to understand! I promised my friends I would get us home. They trusted me and I promised them. Logan, James, Car- oh, God, Carlos, he was so scared and I looked him in the eyes and I swore to him that I would get us home safely. But, I lied. If help isn't coming, I lied to my best friends. I failed them," Kendall muttered to himself as he paced the room, his previous panic quickly turning to anger.
"Wait, what? No, you didn't fail, kid," Gabriel cut in, but Kendall wasn't ready to listen to reason as he continued his tirade as if he hadn't heard Gabriel.
"How could I have been so stupid? How could I have done this to my friends? I made them walk through an effing snowstorm to these goddamn cabins, made them believe that we would be rescued and for what?"
"Kendall, you did nothing wrong-"
"Not for help! Not to be rescued!"
"You had no way of knowing that the power would be-"
"And now, they're going to die here because no one is fucking coming!" Kendall screamed, as his anger reached a boiling point. Without thinking, his good arm shot out in front of him, making direct contact with the wooden wall and causing a sickening crack to resonate through the whole room.
"Dammit, kid," Gabriel hissed, as he made his way to Kendall's side to see the damage the teen had done to his hand. "You already have only one good arm to begin with, now you want to break the other hand, too?"
However, the kid remained stoic, not even flinching as blood poured through the cuts around his knuckles. Even as Gabriel took the bleeding hand into his, Kendall made no signs of discomfort. Gabriel was about to question the boy's sanity, when Kendall blinked, causing a single tear to trail down his cheek. All the anger was gone from Kendall's eyes, in its wake, despair, as he whispered a choked sob, "I can't lose them."
"You won't. Now, you listen to me. You didn't make it all this way for nothing. You have shelter, you have warmth, and you have food- all important to survival. And I'm not chopped liver either. I might not be exactly what you guys need in respect to medical attention, but I will do everything I can do to keep you and your friends stable until help arrives. And help will come. Once the storm is over and once the power is restored, I promise you I will call for help myself. I will inform them of your conditions and urge them to send help immediately. We just have to weather this storm a little bit longer."
Gabriel looked into the younger boy's eyes, hoping to see understanding, hoping that Kendall was able to process at least some of what he was saying. The look of vulnerability remained, however, the once strong minded and stubborn kid looking more like a lost child trying to find his way back home. And in a second, the old Kendall returned.
"You're right," Kendall replied, chastising himself for his momentary display of weakness. "How can I expect my friends to keep fighting when I am so ready to quit on them myself? I have to be positive. I have to believe that help is coming. I have to be strong for them."
"It's okay to be upset. To be mad at the world for all you have been through. To not know what to do. It's okay to be scared."
"No, it's not. I have to be strong for my friends. They look for me for answers and if I lose it, they will give up on themselves. So, no! I can't afford to think like that. I can't afford to be scared," Kendall retorted, as if trying to steel his determination and make sure that his earlier thoughts never resurfaced. "Oh and don't tell them about help not coming yet. They need to know that we're going to be going home soon to keep fighting. I just don't want them to give up hope, you know? Just promise me you won't tell them?"
"Yeah, I promise, kid. I won't tell them," Gabriel answered, as he looked at Kendall with sad eyes. He could tell that Kendall was teetering close to a full on panic attack, maybe even a mental breakdown, trying to stay strong for his friends. The emotions that he was trying to keep at bay were destined to come out, and sooner or later, Kendall would have the breakdown his mind was working so desperately avoid. Gabriel just hoped it happened after they were rescued - and away from any breakable objects.
"By the way, I didn't know you had such a temper," Gabriel joked as he stared at the small crack that appeared on of the wooden supports on the wall.
"Huh?"
"How's your hand?"
"My hand?" Kendall questioned, looking down at his bleeding appendage. "Shit, my hand!" As if seeing the damage caused the pain receptors in his brain to work again, Kendall cried out in pain as his hand suddenly erupted in a severe ache.
"Fortunately for me, you don't punch very well; you didn't do much damage to my wall," Gabriel replied.
"I would share in your happiness about your wall but I'm pretty busy here trying to make sure my hand doesn't fall off," Kendall quipped back, his voice laced with pain and a hint of sarcasm.
"Well, from what I can tell, it doesn't look like it's broken. Fortunately for you, you don't pack too much force in your punch," Gabriel remarked, examining the hand and grateful to see all digits move as Kendall flexed, hissing in pain as he performed the action.
"It hurts like hell, though."
"You probably bruised your knuckles from the impact. This will teach you not go punching walls when your angry," Gabriel retorted.
"I thought you said, it was okay to be angry."
"Yeah, but I didn't say for you to go and maim yourself, kid," Gabriel retorted. "I'm going to go grab some bandages before you make a puddle of blood to rival the one your friend caused over there. Why don't you take a seat by the fireplace warm up a bit? You're shaking like a leaf." The older man added as he disappeared to the kitchen once again.
Kendall stared down at his injured, not surprised to see it shaking ever so slightly just as Gabriel had said. However, he knew it had nothing to do with the temperature, nor was it related to pain or his earlier panic episode. The fearful dread that had overwhelmed minutes before had caused his blood to run cold through his veins as horrible images of his friends dying consumed his thinking. Even though he had vowed to remain strong and refused to give up on his friends, he still couldn't shake those thoughts from his mind as easily. The fear of losing his friends still remained, its possibility seeming more probable with every passing minute and Kendall was positive that it would stay until they were safe and sound back at the Palm Woods; no amount of warmth from a fireplace would change that. Nevertheless, he made his way over to the wooden beacon of warmth, allowing the heat that radiated to thaw his cool hands and feet. While it didn't quite reach the core that remained ice-cold, Kendall was grateful for the comfort it did provide after walking through a snowstorm.
As he stood in front of the fireplace, absorbing the warmth, his eyes wandered aimlessly over the mantle, littered with wooden trinkets and decorated with pictures in frames of varying sizes. A small smile graced his lips as Kendall gaze traveled through baby pictures and war medals, before it rested on an old black and white photo of a young couple in wedding attire. The frame was coated with a light film of dust but Kendall could make out the young man in the picture was Gabriel, looking as if he were only a few years older than Kendall. And yet, Gabriel's face remained unchanged, barring the normal signs of aging; his eyes shined blue, still kind and welcoming and filled with happiness. The young girl beside him was just as happy as she smiled from ear to ear in her simple white wedding dress.
"Are you feeling better?"
Startled, Kendall nearly jumped out of his skin as the voice behind him interrupted his train of thought. He was so engrossed in examining the photo he didn't even hear the older man enter the room.
"Uhhh, yeah," Kendall answered, feeling like he just got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Turning around, he gave a sheepish smile as stepped away from the fireplace.
"Well, take a seat on the bench over there, while I clean up your hand," Gabriel said, either choosing to ignore Kendall's nosy behavior or not caring about the fact. Whichever, Kendall followed his instruction and sat by the wooden bench near the fireplace to have his hand tended.
Gabriel performed the action in silence, taking a wet wash cloth to clean the bleeding cuts and bruises. Kendall merely hissed at the sting the pressure caused, the pain now a dull throbbing ache. He could tolerate that. What he couldn't tolerate, however, was the growing curiosity that arose in him after looking through the pictures. He was intrigued by the kind man who had opened his home to four strangers, offering them food shelter and medical assistance. Who was Gabriel? Before he could help it, the curiosity got the best of him, and he spoke up.
"Is that a picture of you and your wife?" Kendall questioned, breaking the awkward silence.
"Yes," was the only reply, Gabriel's eyes not even looking up to acknowledge the picture that Kendall was referring to. He already knew.
"She's beautiful."
"She was."
Kendall's heart dropped at those words. He had known that it was strange for the older man to be alone in the cabins in the middle of nowhere, and maybe in the recesses of his mind, he had known that his wife was no longer alive. But to have verbal confirmation, caused to Kendall to feel sad for his mysterious helper.
"I'm sorry. I didn't know that she had -"
"It's okay. Rosie was sick for some time so her death was not mourned."
"How long were you married?"
"Forty two years," Gabriel answered, discarding the blood stained washcloth into the bowl. However, his attention was no longer on Kendall's hand, his eyes adopting a far away look as he continued, "I retired after forty years of service, planning to spend the rest of my years with my love, Rosemarie. A few months later though, Rosie found out that she had stage four lung cancer and there was nothing that the doctors could do. She gave me two happy years together before she passed. After her funeral, I packed up all my things and moved here. She had always loved it when we spent vacations here, so it's like she's still here with me."
He quickly cleared his throat, as he quickly returned to tending Kendall's hand, concentrating on a stubbornly long cut that continued to bleed despite the pressure he applied. Kendall could tell that Gabriel had divulged a little too much personal information but he admired the vulnerability he chose to show. He could of easily let the topic drop, allow the amount of information Gabriel shared be enough to satisfy his curiosity, and yet, his mouth seemed to have mind of its own as he spoke up once more.
"How about your kids? I mean, I just saw the baby pictures, but you don't have to answer that. And if I'm prying, you can just tell me to shut up and I will. I'm just trying to make conversation, but I can stop talking if you want. You know what, I'll just shut up," Kendall stuttered, starting to regret that he ever opened his mouth.
"It's okay, kid," Gabriel replied with a smirk. "We only had one child. A son, Timothy. The other baby pictures are of my granddaughter, Rose. She's about eleven years old now and she's a spitting image of my Rosie. I haven't seen her since I moved down here."
"You don't visit them?"
"No," Gabriel said, shaking his head regretfully, as he began to wrap the bandage tightly around Kendall's hand. "I live in this cabin all year-long. Just me and my memories of Rosie. And the occasional strays who've lost their way in these woods." He added with a knowing smile. "But, I've kind of lost touch with Timothy in recent years. He used to send me pictures years ago, with a phone call now and then on birthdays and holidays, but they are few and far between now. And besides, we were never really close, Timothy and I, when he was growing up. I was away so many times, he was always closer to his mother. When she passed, there was no reason for me to stay. He's a grown man now, it's not like he needs his father hanging around."
"That's not true," Kendall retorted, this time shaking his head in disagreement. "Take it from me, no matter how old, any kid will always need his father."
Gabriel looked up from his task to stare at the younger boy, where he saw the look of years old sadness and his heart dropped, as he realized Kendall knew what it meant to live a life without a father. However, unlike the quizzical teen, he was able to keep his questions to himself. He simple nodded his head and finished up with the bandage.
It was Kendall's turn to clear his throat to distract himself from the awkwardness that had fallen on the room. He had been questioning Gabriel about his life, so why did he feel like he was in the hot seat? He knew he had no right to voice his opinion on the older man's choices in life, but hearing his story caused a few unresolved feelings of his own to be resurfaced. Kendall hoped Gabriel didn't develop his same sense of curiosity and seek an explanation for his retort. Fortunately, Gabriel applied the last piece of tape to his bandage, giving Kendall the opportunity to steer the conversation into another direction.
"Uhhh, wow, thanks. It doesn't even hurt anymore," he remarked, as he stared at his bandaged hand and flexed the still aching muscles. While it still felt sore, it was a vast improvement to the level of pain he felt earlier. He made a mental note to never punch a wooden wall again.
"Yea, well, I had to wrap it pretty tight to reduce the chance of any swelling, but you're lucky, kid. You could have really done some damage," Gabriel said, wiping his hands clean with the discarded towel.
"I know. Thanks again for tending to it. Well, I'm going to go take a look at Logan, make sure that he's alright," Kendall replied, preparing to rise from the bench to make his way to the bedroom. But, Gabriel placed his hand on his shoulder, gently pushing his back into his seat.
"Wait, Kendall."
"What? What's wrong? Is there something wrong with Logan?" Kendall questioned, fearful that he was going to hear the words that would surely cause his heart to stop.
"No, Logan's fine. I'm not done with you yet," the older man answered. He could tell Kendall was perplexed by his statement, so he continued, "I have to take a look at that shoulder."
"What? This? It's nothing. It's fine."
"No, it's not, Kendall. Look, I gave you the benefit of treating all of your friends first, because I knew that's what you would have wanted. But, that's done now and they are all doing okay. So, now it's your turn. It's time to let someone look over you for a change," Gabriel remarked.
"Honestly, it's fine. It's just a few bleeding cuts. It's not that big of a deal. It doesn't even hurt anymore," Kendall said.
"Yea, I'll be the judge of that, kid," Gabriel replied, hoping his face didn't reveal the level of concern he felt at Kendall's words. The bleeding had slowed to a near nonexistent trickle but the lack of pain was definitely worrisome. He had to take a look at this shoulder now before any further irreparable damage could be done. "Stay here, I'm going to get the first aid kit."
Kendall contemplated making a run for the bedroom door as he watched Gabriel disappear into the kitchen once again. He could easily make it before the older man returned. However, he knew it was pointless. Looking at his right shoulder and arm, he knew that his injury was not nothing. The grotesque angle his arm rested in the sling, the largely stained dressing that draped his whole arm, even the worsening numbness that affected his fingers - Kendall didn't have to have Logan's level of medical knowledge to know that his shoulder was not fine. He knew that his arm required some sort of medical attention, but he was scared. There was no doubt in his mind that dragging Logan through the snow had put a heavy strain on his injured shoulder, however, he remained fearful of the amount of damage done. As Gabriel entered the room, kit in hand, Kendall could only silently pray that his injured arm was not as serious as he feared.
"Hmmm, I kind of expected you to make a run to see Logan," Gabriel remarked as he kneeled in front of Kendall once again.
"The thought crossed my mind," Kendall replied, honestly. Sighing, he continued, "Let's just get this over with."
"Will do. First and foremost, though, I have a dose of pain medication that I can -"
"I don't want it."
"Whoa, kid. I mean, I don't know what I'm going to find under that dressing, but from what I saw when I found you, I have a feeling it's not going to be pain free. I really think you should reconsider."
"I'm fine. I don't want the medication. I can handle the pain," Kendall replied, his gaze wandering briefly toward the resting James as he realized his words mirrored his friend's earlier statement. Remembering how James endured the excruciating pain as Gabriel dressed his leg, reliving the cries of agony Logan released as he suffered through a needle puncturing his skin, Kendall was confident he could endure any level of pain without medication, like his friends before him. "Just do it."
"Kendall..."
"Just do it," Kendall repeated, his voice carrying a finality in its tone.
"Okay," Gabriel said, discarding the needle with pain medication. "I am first going to take your arm out of the sling. I have to warn you that without the added support of the sling to hold your arm, it will pull any damaged tissue and muscles and it will be painful."
"I know. I can handle it."
With that, Gabriel cut through the fabric holding Kendall's arm up and in an instant, the arm fell to hang limply against Kendall's side. Kendall had no time to prepare himself for the shock of pain that action caused, as just as Gabriel predicted, his muscles screamed in protest as gravity pulled his arm down. Instinctively, he used his left hand to press his right arm against his body, fearing it would fall off without the support. He quickly closed his mouth tightly, muffling his pain to deep groans, choosing to bear the pain silently.
"You okay, kid?" Gabriel asked, even though he could tell that young boy was far from alright.
Kendall not trusting himself to respond without crying out in pain, nodded his head in affirmation, giving Gabriel the sign to continue.
"Alright, I am going to have to take the dressing off now," he explained. He didn't know if Kendall had processed or even heard what he said, so he began to remove the blood stained gauze that was wrapped around Kendall's arm. He had meant to do it gently but as he continued, he could tell the pain was intensifying without the bandages to help stabilize the injured arm. His lips pursed tight, his eyes closed shut in anguish, Kendall's breaths came with short puffs of air through his nose, as his face was etched in pain.
"Kendall..."
"I-I'm okay. I'm okay," Kendall muttered under his breath, hoping to silence Gabriel's proposition about the pain medication. However, more false words had never left his mouth. Kendall was not okay, he desperately wanted to go back to the time when his arm was numb and void of any feeling, at least then there would be no pain. Then he wouldn't feel that every pain receptor in his arm, from his shoulder to his fingers, was being light ablaze and causing his arm to erupt in fiery hot pain. He tried to think of anything to take his mind of the pain, even envisioning his mother and Katie as happy thoughts to concentrate on, but that lasted for mere seconds as a wave pain washed over his whole body as Gabriel removed the last bit of dressing, leaving his arm exposed. He couldn't silence the low moan of agony that ripped through this throat and pushed past his lips as the pain remained, unrelenting.
With the dressing gone, Kendall opened his eyes a crack to sneak a peak of his arm; he was positive the high degree of pain he was feeling meant his arm had finally been ripped from his body. To his relief, however, his arm remained still intact but the scene before him did bring about an unpleasant image. The whole right side of his body was littered with black and blue bruises, some yellowing in color, signifying various degrees of healing. Cuts and scrapes covered his arm with bleeding wounds and Kendall could make out tiny shards of glass that had still managed to be in a few of the cuts. However, none of that scared him as much as the awkward angle his shoulder looked. The bone seemed to have shifted out of the socket, causing a sunken space where his joint should have been and a huge bulge in his back.
"S-s-shit," Kendall managed to stutter out. "It's b-bad, isn't it?"
"I can't tell yet," Gabriel replied, evasively, grateful he had kept his emotions at bay as he took in the vast injuries on Kendall's arm. He didn't want to alarm the young teen; the last thing he needed was to worry about his shoulder.
"It - it looks bad, and it sure as hell feels like it's bad, too," Kendall remarked, closing his eyes once again, hoping to shut out the pain that was coursing through his whole body. He tried to repeat "I'm okay" under his breath as a silent mantra to push him through, but that too didn't work as he found himself mutter out loud, "I'm not okay. God, I'm not okay."
At those words, Gabriel felt his heart break. Not from the pain filled tone his voice carried, but the fact that the strong-willed boy allowed those words to be spoken aloud. "You're okay, kid. You're doing great," Gabriel said, soothingly, but his words fell on deaf ears as he could tell Kendall's mind was totally preoccupied on the pain. "Hey, come on, Kendall, look at me. You have to talk to me. It will take your mind off the pain."
"O-o-ok-kay," Kendall muttered through his clenched teeth, nodding his head fervently. He was willing to try anything to take his mind off of his arm.
"How about you tell me how I came to find four bloodied teenagers in front of my door in the middle of a snowstorm?"
"We- we were on our w-w-way back… back from a ski trip. Our c-c-car was driven off the road and we crashed - we crashed into a tree. Our car exploded, s-so we had to find shelter until help arrived," Kendall replied, allowing the chance to retell the story take his mind momentarily off the pain.
"Were you driving?" Gabriel asked, as he placed soaked gauze pads on Kendall's arm to stem the bleeds from the many cuts. Kendall hissed at the contact before he recovered to answer the older man's question.
"N-n-no, Logan was. That's why h-h-he blames him. He - He swears it was his fault for n-n-not avoiding the accident, but - but it wasn't."
"Of course not. The weather was horrible. It's not his fault if he lost control of -"
"No, it really - shit - it really wasn't his fault. There was this van and it - it kept rear ending us. Logan tried as hard as he could to keep the car straight but the ground was too slippery. We were driven off the road."
"That's horrible kid. You had to deal with some crazed driver in the middle of a snowstorm," Gabriel spoke, momentarily stunned at what he had heard. He had a feeling that the accident was pretty bad, especially seeing the extent of these boys injury, but he hadn't expected to hear that the tens were driven off the road.
"It gets worse. It turns out he wasn't a crazed driver. We found the van after the accident. He - he was dead. Seems he had a heart at- attack behind the wheel and the car kept going. There was no way to s-s-s-stop it. Just our luck, h-h-huh?" Kendall added, sadly.
"Well, I am an avid believer that everything happens for a reason. Maybe it was fate's way of having you spend a snowstorm with a crazy old guy like me," Gabriel joked, as he finished prying a stubborn piece of glass from Kendall's arm. He had done it gently, so he was glad it hadn't caused the boy much discomfort.
Kendall chuckled softly at the comment before he quickly sobered, "I don't know but I hope next time fate decides to work its magic, it doesn't involve life threatening injuries for me and my friends."
"Yea, I agree," Gabriel said, applying the finishing touches to the newly placed dressing around Kendall's arm. "Alright, I cleaned all the cuts on your arm. Fortunately, they aren't too deep and the bleeding has slowed to a trickle; the dressing should hold for awhile."
"Great. See, I told you it was nothing. Just some -"
"Yea, well, unfortunately, that's where the good news end. Your collarbone is shattered, your humerus is fractured, and your shoulder is dislocated. That's why your arm hurts so much. I was able to place a splint around the humerus in place to stabilize the bone while I set your shoulder and then -"
"Wait, set my shoulder? You mean, pop it back in?"
"Yes."
"No. I mean, you can't do that. Logan said we have to wait for x-rays and tests before we could do that. He said it could cause more damage."
"And under normal circumstances, that would be true, but you and I both know that these are not normal circumstances," Gabriel answered. "The longer we wait to set your shoulder, you risk the chance of nerve damage, tissue death, muscle atrophy, and the loss of mobility in your arm, Kendall. I have to pop it back in."
Kendall could feel himself pale at the news. The dressing change alone had already been close to unbearable. He doubted that he would be able to withstand having his shoulder fixed too.
"It's going to hurt, isn't it?"
"Well, it isn't going to feel very pleasant, kid," Gabriel replied, with a sad smile. He could feel the guilt weigh heavy on his shoulders at the thought of what he was about to do, hating himself for electively choosing to cause the young boy further pain after all he had already been through. But, he knew that what he was about to do had to be done; he couldn't risk Kendall losing function of his arm. And yet, that knowledge did little to ease his guilt. In a last ditch effort to make him more comfortable, he continued, "Honestly, Kendall, I wish you would reconsider. You don't have to deal with the pa-"
"If you mention the pain medication one more time," Kendall started, however, he let the statement settle unfinished, allowing his look of determination to say it all. Gabriel only nodded his head, receiving the message loud and clear.
Taking a few calming deep breaths, Kendall hoped to slow his racing heartbeat, the idea of the pain to come causing a new sense of anxiety.
"You ready?"
"Let's get this over with," Kendall whispered, closing his eyes in anticipation.
"On the count of three," Gabriel said, placing a hand around Kendall's back and the other against his shoulder in the front. "One... Two..."
The number two had barely left Gabriel's lips when Kendall felt the older man push his arm forcefully upward, causing a loud pop to cut through the air. And then there was pain; Kendall felt his whole arm explode in excruciating pain.
"Aaaahhh! Oh God!" Kendall screamed, as tears sprung to his eyes. These tears were not out of fear or hopelessness; they were out of pure agony. It was both stabbing and sharp, the muscles going into spasms on their own from the movement, causing it to feel like every cell in Kendall's arm was enduring this torturous level of pain. Kendall could taste the acidic bile rise up his throat as he threatened to throw up on the wooden floor, but with an unknown resolve, he was able to swallow it down. His good arm rested firmly on the bench, holding him unsteadily upward as he tried to stabilize his body that was being racked with shakes and shivers, as the pain consumed him. However, that soon proved to much and out of instinct, he leaned forward into Gabriel's unsuspecting arms, hoping he could keep him upright as the dizziness threatened to overtake him and perspiration formed on his forward.
Seconds turned into minutes and still Kendall remained frozen in that one spot, paralyzed by the pain that seemed persistent. He had hoped that once the shoulder had been placed in the proper position, it would stop or at least be a bearable throb. Instead, it only intensified. The pain had made its presence known and showed no signs of letting up. It was pain that Kendall had never felt before, so strong and fierce that he almost wished his arm had been ripped off; at least then it wouldn't hurt as much. All Kendall could do was keep his head tucked into the older man's shoulder as he allowed himself to cry out in pain and anguish, the sounds and tears muffled in the fabric.
Gabriel kneeled frozen as well, but out of shock. He had not expected Kendall to show this sign of vulnerability, however, he quickly recovered, embracing the shaking teen in his arms as he whispered words of comfort.
"It's okay, kid. You're okay," Gabriel whispered, as he stroked Kendall's back. "You did good, son. It's all over. You're okay now."
Kendall tried to concentrate on those words, his mind latching onto the gentle tone of Gabriel's soothing voice like a lifeline. He allowed them to keep afloat as he felt his well begin to waver. As Gabriel continued to comfort him, Kendall could feel his body calm; within minutes, his breathing had slowed and the shakes had lessened. He didn't know how much time passed before he finally felt strong enough to pull himself away from Gabriel, grateful the assaults of pain he had been through were over at last.
"Well, I never want to go through that again," Kendall said softly, his voice still raw from his previous cries of pain. Wiping the remnants of his tears, embarrassed, Kendall added, "Sorry about your shirt."
"Hey, it's only a shirt," Gabriel replied, with a small smile. "How about you? How are you feeling?"
"I guess you weren't lying when you said that wasn't going to feel pleasant," Kendall joked. "But my shoulder does feel a little bit better now."
It was true. Now that shoulder had been placed, the pain that Kendall suffered through was now minimal. Though it was still present, he was able to tolerate this level of pain; he hoped he never had to go through that amount of pain again.
"I'm glad to hear. Look, we're almost done. I just have to wrap your arm and stabilize that collarbone before I can put your arm back in a sling," Gabriel said. At the look of fear that crossed Kendall's eyes, he quickly continued. "I promise, it shouldn't hurt nearly as much as before."
"I might just hold you to that."
Kendall closed his eyes in anticipation for the paralyzing pain once again, however, Gabriel was right. While the movements did aggravate his sore muscles, it was nowhere near as painful as minutes before. Kendall simply hissed at the discomfort as he watched Gabriel wrap his shoulder from the collarbone to the upper arm with a thick bandage. Then he allowed the older man to gingerly place his arm into a new sling. And finally it was over.
"There you go, kid. All done," Gabriel sighed as he rose from his kneeled position, stretching his locked joints. His knees and back cracked at the movement; he hadn't realized he had been in that same position for quite some time.
Kendall stared at the large newly placed dressing covering his right arm and the numerous discarded blood soaked gauze that littered the floor. Seeing that, remembering the level of pain he had just endured, Kendall finally came to understand the severity of his injury. He truly was lucky to have sensation in the arm, let alone mobility as he slowly wiggled his fingers underneath the tight bandages wrapped around the digits.
Seeing the Kendall was lost in his own thought, Gabriel took the silence as an exit. "Well, I'm going to get rid of these," he said, as he picked up the old wrappings. "Oh, and I'm going to get you some ice to put on the shoulder. We want to reduce any swelling as much as possible."
He had nearly passed through the door before he was stopped by Kendall calling out his name.
"Gabriel," Kendall said, his mind suddenly blank on the words that he wanted to tell the older man. As Gabriel turned around in anticipation, Kendall continued. "I-I-I just wanted to thank you. For fixing my hand and shoulder. For helping my friends. For everything really. I don't think I would have been able to handle all of this - especially my shoulder without your help." Remembering how Gabriel's words of comfort had been able to keep him from going over the edge when the pain had been too much, he cleared his throat and said, "So thanks."
Gabriel's eyes softened a little as he took in Kendall's words. "Honestly, Kendall, it was nothing. After all you boys have been through, the will you all have shown to survive, you boys are so much stronger than you think." With that, he left the room, but his message had been loud and clear. He truly believed that all four boys could survive this. He just had to make sure that Kendall believed that too.
Kendall allowed the words to sink in momentarily, and as his eyes canvassed the room stopping on his two slumbering friends, he couldn't help the small smile that spread across his face. It was true; he and his friends had been through so much in just a few short hours. They had survived a horrific car crash, transversed through a raging snowstorm, and yet, they were still alive. Beaten and bruised, but not broken. Not yet.
Finally, with positive words to occupy the thoughts in his mind, Kendall felt his earlier need to see Logan return once again. He rose to his feet, pausing briefly only to allow an annoying dizzy spell pass; however, with steady feet, he continued and made his way to the bedroom.
In his absence, Logan hadn't moved, his body remained still, in the same place he had left him, as if he was frozen in time. Fortunately, his face remained emotionless in sleep, the horrible cries of pain he experienced hours before seeming like a terrible nightmare. With his one good arm, he pulled a chair closer to the bed, sitting down close to his slumbering friend. Grabbing Logan's hand into his, Kendall remembered how that simple act defined their friendship.
"Hey, buddy," Kendall whispered.
"We made it to the cabins, just like you predicted. You see, we did it, and we're going to be okay," he continued. "James got his leg looked out. He's got a new dressing and everything. And there was no nerve damage. I know you will be happy to hear that."
"I even got my shoulder looked at. Just like I said, it wasn't that. And look, I am able to move fingers, so I know that's a good thing, right? " Kendall asked, half expecting a response, but knowing none would come.
"And Carlos- uhhh, well, Carlos, h-h-he-" Kendall paused as the large lump reappeared in his throat as he spoke of the unknown fate of his friend. He had to physically choke down the lump to continue. "Well, Carlos is just waiting for you to wake up so he can wake up. Then we'll all be together. Safe and sound."
Again, he hoped to see some sign of acknowledgement from his sleeping friend, but his features remained unchanged and Kendall could feel his newfound resolve falter slightly.
"I know you are tired and I know that after all we have been through that you need your rest to get back your strength. But, I just need to know that you're okay. That we all are going to be okay," Kendall said, allowing a small tear to fall from his watering eyes. He quickly wiped it away, however, shaking his head to get rid of the sadness that threatened to take over him once more.
"You know what, Loges, you just rest. I will be right here when you wake up. I will be right by your side," Kendall whispered, lowering his head so that it rested on the mattress of the bed. He gently squeezed Logan's hand, solidifying his words with his presence and felt the faintest pressure against his palm.
His gaze quickly shot up and he stared at Logan's sleeping face in hope, expecting to see Logan's brown eyes stare back at him. Instead, his body shifted slightly and his eyes twitched, leaving Kendall to hold his breath in anticipation
"Logan, come on, buddy. It's me, it's Kendall," he said, leaning forward to Logan's waking form.
"K-K-K'nd'll..." Logan whispered, clearing his throat to rid his voice of sleep. He blinked the tiredness from his eyes once more before his gaze rested on Kendall.
"Hey, Logie," Kendall said, sighing in relief as the first genuine smile spread across his face. "l am so glad to see you are okay. How are you feeling, buddy?
"Okay," Logan answered, even though the grimace of pain said otherwise.
"Liar," Kendall chuckled. He had meant to question his friend further about what was hurting him but he was interrupted by Gabriel entering the room.
"I knew, I would find you in here," the older man said, with a knowing smile. He quickly turned his attention to Logan. " Hey, kid, how you feeling?"
"I feel okay, a little sore but other than that, I feel fine," Logan responded, ignoring the look of disbelief Kendall shot his way. Even though the room remained dark and his facial features were indistinguishable, he could only imagine the face his friend was making. "Hey, wait, you're the guy who put the tube in my chest, aren't you?"
" Yep, that was me, and I'm glad to see that it's working," Gabriel said, kneeling down to examine the bag that rested beside Logan.
"Yeah, I can actually breathe now," Logan retorted, his mind briefly remembering the anxiety he felt when breath wasn't readily available. "Thank you so much for that actually. I kind of blacked out before I had the chance to thank you."
"Uhhh, well, don't worry about that, kid. It was nothing, I'm just glad that you are feeling a little bit better, " Gabriel muttered, once again shying away from the praise he was due. A knowing look passed between Kendall and Gabriel that didn't go unnoticed by Logan. Before he had a chance to ask what was going on, Gabriel continued. "It looks like I came at the right time, this bag needs to be emptied."
Kendall's attention piqued at those words and he leaned forward to take a look at the tube helping Logan breathe. The tube continued to drain and pull the fluid from his friend's lung but it was the large amount of blood in the bag was alarming.
"Holy shit, that's a lot of blood. Is it okay for there to be so much blood? Why - Why is there so much blood? " Kendall questioned,
"Kendall, it's okay. It's really not that much bl-"
"Yes, it is. And this isn't the first he emptied it. Gabriel, why is he losing so much blood? You have to find away to stop the bleeding," Kendall interrupted, erratically.
This time it was Gabriel and Logan who shared a knowing look, and Kendall felt he was left out of the loop as the two communicated with their eyes. It was Gabriel who finally answered him.
"Honestly, Kendall, it's not that much blood. And it's the fact that it is draining that has Logan breathing so much better. I know, it's scary, but it's better that the blood comes out than stays in." Gabriel replied, standing to discard the blood filled bowl.
Kendall turned to Logan, hoping to appeal to his friend to tell him the truth, but Logan's only response was a small smile that slightly brightened his unnaturally pale face.
"I see you got your shoulder looked at," Logan spoke up, praying that Kendall would take the hint and change the subject. He didn't have the heart to disclose to him what the large amount of blood loss meant; he didn't want to worry him with something that could not be avoided.
Begrudgingly, he let the subject drop, not fully satisfied but willing to let it drop for now.
"Yep, and just like I told you, it wasn't that bad."
"Uhhh, I wouldn't say all that, kid," Gabriel replied as he reentered the room. Seeing the look of pure shock on the young boy's face in being caught in a lie, he continued. "But, yeah, it wasn't as bad as I had thought when I first saw the arm. I was able to remove all the glass, clean all the cuts, and set the bones as best as I could."
"And, look, still able to move my fingers, " Kendall added, performing the action with ease.
"Wow, that's great!"
Logan had been worried that Kendall had caused irreversible damage to his shoulder when he chose to drag him through the snow. The fact that he still had mobility was definitely a good sign that his friend wouldn't lose his arm. Knowing that Kendall was okay, his attention went to the well being of his other two friends. "How about James and Carlos? "
At the mention of Carlos, Kendall momentarily froze unable to produce the thoughts to generate the words to answer him. Logan stared at him, hoping to hear good news about his friends and Kendall didn't know how to start. Fortunately, Gabriel cut in.
"Well, James is doing good. I applied a new pressure dressing. By the way, you did a pretty good job with that packing, it really helped to slow down the bleeding," Gabriel said, pausing briefly as Logan smiled sheepishly at the praise. " Luckily, there was no nerve damage."
"Thank God, that's great," Logan exhaled, releasing the breath he had been hold in anticipation. "And Carlos?"
Gabriel opened his mouth to reply, but Kendall interrupted, knowing it would be better for Logan to hear about Carlos from him.
"Logan, by the time we got to the cabins, Carlos was very tired," Kendall began, and by the tone of his voice, Logan already knew the news wasn't going to be good. "You know, he was trying as hard as he could to stay awake, he couldn't any longer. He fell asleep and - and we can't wake him up."
"N-N-No," Logan whispered. "He has to wake up. He can't stay asleep. He might not ever wake- We have to wake him up."
Logan attempted to get out of bed, his need to be at Carlos's side strong, but three strong hands pushed him to rest on the bed.
"Whoa, kid. You can't get up just yet. I know you are worried about your friend, but he's doing alright. He's definitely hanging in there."
"But he's asleep! He has a major concussion. He can't be sleeping.'
"I know, Logan, but I am monitoring him. All his vital signs are stable, he's responding to painful stimuli and there are spontaneous eye movements - which are all good signs that his brain is still functioning and there are no deficits," Gabriel said, reassuringly; however, he could see the fear behind the scared boy's eye, his medical knowledge causing him to fear the worst.
"Honestly, Logan, Carlos is doing okay. Gabriel is taking good care of him," Kendall added, hoping to quell his friend's fear albeit slightly.
While the worry of Carlos's well being remained, Logan did find comfort in Kendall's confidence. It reminded him of all the times he had been scared throughout their friendship and one little pep talk from Kendall could erase all his fears and anxieties. He needed that right now, more than anything.
"You're going to keep monitoring him?" Logan turned to ask the older man.
"Every hour. And I will let you know of any changes in his status," he replied softly with a gentle smile.
"Thank you. Can I at least go see him?"
"It's still a little too soon, Logan. You're body has been through a lot. You need a little more than four hours of sleep to regain your strength. How about you rest a little bit more?" Gabriel suggested, afraid the young boy's weak state would cause more harm if he exerted himself.
"But - But I feel fine," Logan replied, as an ill-timed yawn passed by his lips at the mention of more sleep.
"Come on, buddy. Gabriel's right, get some more sleep."
"Fine, but only if you rest, too," he contested. Logan could see Kendall begin to protest so he quickly added, "I know you, Kendall, you probably didn't sleep for more than an hour. You must be exhausted. You need your rest , too. And besides, you look horrible."
Kendall looked up to Gabriel for help, only to see the older man chuckle at Logan's response. "Sorry, Kendall, I can't argue with that."
"Alright, fine. I will rest, too," Kendall agreed, pushing his chair closer so that he could rest his head against the mattress of the bed, comfortably.
"Good," Logan replied, happily, his eyes already closing on their own accord.
Kendall waited until he saw Logan's steady breathing before he allowed his eyes to close, before he let himself welcome sleep. However, he had barely entered into deep sleep, when he felt Logan's hand find his and he heard his friend whisper, "It's going to be okay, Kendall. Everything is going to be okay."
And for the first time since the accident, Kendall finally believed those words.
Author's Note #2 - Will update soon! Thanks for all the continued support. It truly keeps me going! You all are awesome.