Trigger warning- panic disorder and mentions of self-harm/suicide. Also- important author's note at the end- please read it!
"How is he?"
"Shaken. Really shaken. God…I don't know what possessed her to do that…she destroyed him…"
I sigh, running my fingers through Austin's hair, as he sleeps on, against my chest. He cried himself into sleep- the signs of his panic attack are blatantly obvious. He had a really bad panic attack, and the poor kid is fucking exhausted.
"Would it be wrong if I cursed her the fuck out?" Ratliff grumbles. "She's not allowed to keep fucking doing this. Austin's enough of a mess, without her damaging him even more. If you hadn't showed up when you did, he may've even passed out from lack of oxygen- because he was panicking so badly, and Ally needs to realize that."
"Normally, I'd say not to, but go ahead," I reply. "She deserves it."
Ratliff grins. "Sweet. I'll be back. I'm gonna go see if I can find that bitch. She needs to be taught a lesson."
"I better go with him. Make sure he doesn't kill the girl," Rydel grumbles. "Though she does deserve it…"
"I'll be back soon. There's no change in Rocky- I wouldn't take Austin in there. He was with us, and then he freaked, and decided to come out to the waiting room. He wouldn't let us come with him- and he got…ambushed…"
"Yeah," I reply, as Rydel leans down to kiss my cheek. "Love you, Ry. Thanks."
"No problem, Rik," she replies. "I can see through your act, no matter how hard you try to make yourself seem fine. You're a mess. I'll take care of Ratliff- you just worry about Austin, okay? You're going to crack under the pressure, if you try and take Rocky's reigns."
I sigh. She does know me more than anyone else. "I guess you're right."
"I'm always right," she smirks. "Now, I better catch up with Ratliff, before he turns this hospital upside down in his search."
I walk into Rocky's hospital- albeit a little nervously. I don't know if they trust me enough to allow me into their brother's hospital room. However- when I get there, the sight that greets me sends my stomach rolling.
Riker is cradling Austin into his chest- but what alarms me is the state of the younger boy. Austin's face is red, blotchy, and streaked with tears. The rest of his body is pale, and I can see red scratch marks on Riker's neck- obvious, Austin was in a distressed state before he fell asleep. Just…what the hell happened?!
"Riker? What the fuck happened?!"
Riker lifts his head and looks at me. "Why don't you go ask your friend Ally?" His tone is sarcastic, holding heavy hints of exhaustion and anger.
"What did she do?"
"She triggered him so badly- he had one of the worst panic attacks ever. The lines on my neck are from him scratching me, begging for a razor blade. She triggered him that badly. He relies on it- and if he's triggered, that takes over his mind. He told her to stop, told her to shut the hell up, but she didn't listen. She pushed farther, and farther, and farther, until he couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't breathe, Trish. The panic attack Ally triggered him into was so bad- that if I hadn't shown up when I did- he would've passed out from lack of oxygen."
"Oh my fucking god…I had no idea…" I hold a hand up to my mouth, staring at him. I can't believe Ally did that…she had no fucking right. She broke him- and it's stirring up absolute rage in me.
"Ratliff went to find her. He's gonna have a talk with her- Rydel is too. I don't care whether you think it justified or not- she needs to know that doing shit like this is so far from okay. Austin couldn't breathe."
"I'll talk to her too," I mutter. "She deserves to see the horrors of what her words can do to a person. It's not right."
"It really isn't," Riker agrees. "And I'm fucking terrified that- because of this- I'm gonna have to see another one of my brothers- unconscious- in a hospital bed."
"Hey, you. We need to talk."
I find Ally in the waiting room, texting someone with a small smile on her face. I'd love to wash that damn smirk from her lips- she's probably fucking proud of what she did to Austin, and the mere though disgusts me.
"What do you want?" She looks up at me boredly, and I grumble to myself. She better not give me the same bullshit she gave Austin- I'll just take it and shove it right up her ass.
"What the fuck is your fucking problem?!" I mutter darkly. "What was the need to do that to Austin?"
"He's an asshole- he got what he deserved," Ally replies matter-of-factly.
"What does he deserve, Ally? To be triggered into a panic attack? An add on to all the pain he's had to suffer through? More weight piled on his shoulders? Tell me, what has he done to deserve all this? What the fuck do you have against him?"
"I'm not justifying myself to you." At this, Rydel rolls her eyes, and steps in front of me.
"You are going to tell us what the hell you want from Austin- because I swear to fucking god- if you ever do something like this to him again, you are going to regret it. And I mean every word."
"I don't care. He needs to apologize for being a rude, bitter asshole to me, and then I'll start being nicer. I need the old Austin back- this one is a fucking dick."
"And you only have yourself to thank for that," I say firmly. "You're the one that damaged him- you're the one that broke him into pieces. You're the reason he's like this- and you say you want the old one back? Well, people can't magically fix themselves according to your wishes- your fucking majesty. Everything doesn't always go the way you want it damaged him- it'll take him a lot longer than a day to heal from it."
I wake in Riker's arms- the exact place I went to sleep.
My heart hurts like a bitch, and as it all comes rushing back- the fight with Ally, the panic attack, crying myself to sleep, I feel myself start to convulse again. I'm still not exactly calmed down from what happened.
"Aus, it's okay, I've got you. You're fine, baby. How do you feel?" Riker coos, leaning down to kiss my forehead, secretly checking for fever- I can see it in his eyes.
"Head hurts," I croak, wincing at the pain in my throat.
"Yeah, you lost oxygen flow to your brain for a bit, while you had that panic attack, and you cried and screamed yourself hoarse. You need to let your body rest for a bit- that was a really bad panic attack."
"M'sorry," I rasp. "Scared you. And your neck…"
"No, don't even think about that, Aus. You weren't in a right mental state- you had no idea what you were doing. And I prefer you hurting me, than hurting yourself. That was withdrawal, combined with a bad panic attack and respiratory problems."
"Hurt me…why does she keep-"
I cut myself off, coughing harshly with a hand pressed to my throat. Riker sighs and shakes his head, pulling out his phone and pressing it into my hand.
"Type it out. Rest your voice- you'll lose it, at this rate."
I nod, opening the notepad app, and typing out what I want to say.
Why does she feel the need to hurt me so badly? She was triggering me and she knew it, and I just don't know what to do anymore. It hurts so much, Rik, and I'm so close to killing myself.
"Oh, baby…" Riker exhales a heavy breath. "She's a bitch. And you can't think that way- we all need you, and life is going to go back to normal soon, you'll see. Rocky is going to be fine, Aus. I promise you- he's not going anywhere."
How do you know for sure? He's in a fucking coma- he could die. His heart could stop- he could go brain dead…the possibilities are endless!
"Because I know my brother," Riker mutters. "He survived jumping off a roof- he was in a coma then, too. He survived that- there's no reason he won't survive this. He's strong, Austin. A fucking fighter. He wouldn't give up on us that easily."
I just want Rocky, Rik. I want him to hold me and tell me it's gonna be okay. I want Rocky.
"Austin…I'm so sorry, love. If I could bring him back, there's no question- I would. But we just have to wait for him to wake up. He's coming back to us- I promise. His body is just taking its time in healing itself."
What if the brain damage is severe enough that he doesn't remember us? He doesn't remember adopting me? He'll toss me out onto the streets and I'll die without you guys because you are my lifeline right now and if it weren't for the love you guys are giving me, I'd be dead in a matter of minutes.
"Austin," Riker says firmly. "No matter what happens to Rocky- I can guarantee you that you are not leaving us. We wouldn't dare toss you into the streets- you can stop worrying about that, because I swear on my life- it will not happen."
Ally's right. You'll see how damaged I am eventually, and you'll all be off and running. You don't know everything about me- you don't know how messed up and broken I've become. I'm much more of a mess- much more than any of you know…
"We love you unconditionally, Aus," Riker replies. "Always have, and always will. Your past doesn't matter to us- we're not the kind of people to judge you based upon it. You'll always be the epitome of perfect, in our eyes, and we're gonna do our best to help you realize it. I know you've been broken in the past, but all that's broken can be fixed. And we're gonna do our best to fix you."
Riker…I…I was raped…
Ah, yes. Hello again, plot twist. Nice to see you. Keep in mind- I haven't exactly told you the details of Austin's backstory, and this is where it starts to unravel. He's been hiding a dark, painful secret for so long- and this is it. Thoughts on that? On the chapter?
Also, another thing. The Auslly reconciliation...would you like that to even happen? Because I am absolutely fine with making Ally an utter bitch and having her that way for the rest of this story- and making the story into an R5/Austin centric. It wouldn't bother me, though I do have a way for them to make up. Right now, it doesn't seem likely, and some readers are completely pissed at Ally and don't think she can redeem herself. So, thoughts on that?
Anyway- I hope you enjoyed the chapter, and thank you for reading.
-Neha