A/N: Sorry for the hiatus, ficathon happened ;) Just a short update to assure everyone I haven`t forgotten about this story! I`d like to thank all of you for reading, commenting, following, favoriting (is that even a word?). It means so much! Hope to find out what you think!

Disclaimer: Don`t own any of the characters of the CBS show The Good Wife, just borrowing!

Chapter 13- fear and trust-

Kalinda watched from the corner of her eye as Alicia passionately pleaded her case to Will. She knew her friend was talking about Blake, but she also knew Will Gardner had a history with the other investigator. She had tried to convince Alicia to not mention anything to Will, that she would be able to handle this herself, but Blake`s parting words still filled her with a fear she had thought to have locked up long ago. The sharpness of the paralyzing emotion made her vulnerable and Alicia`s determination to take care of her stirred something inside of her heart. She knew it was stupid, but she also trusted the female lawyer and knew it was unlikely she would make a fool out of her in front of their boss.

For the first time in a long while she had allowed someone to do something for her, and it shouldn't surprise her that someone ended up being Alicia. But still, it had. Kalinda had tried so hard to guard herself, to never allow any emotion in her hardened heart, but now Alicia, of all people, had broken through the icy wall she had build around it. The memory of the words she had almost spoken the evening before, the warmth that had filled her as she had let Alicia hug her, not once, but twice. The soft and careful -but burning- touches that had felt so natural to her.

Suddenly everything in Kalinda`s body started to object. Her muscles tensed, her stomach churned. She could never, should never depend on someone the way she was starting to depend on this woman. Why was she letting her do this? She could handle Blake herself, she always handled the Blakes of her life herself. And she had survived, hadn't she?

Pressing her fingers tighter around her glass of milk she suppressed the urge to jump up and interrupt the conversation in the other office, that now seemed to be coming to an end.

For a short moment she contemplated the idea that Will had something to do with the blunt but thorough investigation Blake had submitted her to. But she immediately dismissed that thought. Will had a lot of surprising characteristics, and a lot of secrets he knew she knew about, but he just wasn't the kind of person who would do such a thing. No, then even Diane was a more likely candidate, but she didn't think any of her current employers was responsible for this. The only people she thought capable of such a scheme were those of her past, Leela's past.

Suddenly an image of another face, that contradicted her last thought, forced itself up on her. Childs had been livid when she had undercut the questioning at Peter's hearing and had used her knowledge of the judge's personal 'preferences' to get him a retrial. Would he really let it get this far?

Will's voice sounded urgent and pulled her out of her thoughts

' Kalinda, could you come in for a moment, please?'

As he beckoned her inside his office, a worried look on his face, she crossed paths with Alicia who softly touched her forearm before passing. Kalinda tried very hard not to feel the jolt of electricity that rushed through her at the touch.

In the end, the investigator had found herself sleeping, just for a few hours, on Alicia's couch. But it had been the most rest she had had in days.

' Alicia tells me she`s been having trouble with Blake.'

Kalinda sat, silent, and forced herself not to blink, not too smile. She saw, immediately, what Alicia had done.

He waited for her to comment, acknowledge, elaborate, which she didn't. She wasn't sure why she liked to bother him, although she knew it most likely had to do with his attraction to Alicia. Or, more honestly, Alicia's attraction to him.

'I called him and he immediately gave his notice. Look, we were going to get rid of him anyway, after the Bond-debacle I don't like having any of his workers around, but I thought you would like to know, considering a lot of his work will land on your shoulders. Can you handle it?'

She smiled inwardly. She knew one of the actions she had undertaken yesterday, the calls she had made, on her way to Alicia's apartment, had worked. She was not one to leave things at chance. She wanted him out of her life. And quickly.

' Will, you know me, I handle things.'

Her voice sounded very cool, she sensed it herself. It just utterly annoyed her that he seemed to pride himself in something he hadn't done anything to accomplish. She wasn't entirely sure how much the fact that Blake wouldn't work at Lockhart/Gardner anymore, would help her, but if her little scheme was working, he would not dare to come back. And at least she wouldn't have to run into him all the time. And best of all… It limited his access to Alicia.

' Kalinda? You are my best investigator. I was fighting Bond for your promotion and I still stand for that, even with him gone. Your next paycheck will be significantly higher than the last, that I can assure you.'

She knew that was his way of saying he was sorry. For a moment she had been afraid that Alicia would go into detail about what had happened, and there was a strange feeling, sitting in the pit of her stomach, knowing the lawyer hadn`t. The trust she felt was alien to her. And it scared her immensely. She felt the blanket of numbness, that always accompanied her fear, fall over her, and her voice sounded distant when she answered.

'I appreciate that.'

Getting up, she saw his confusion about her lack of reaction. He obviously had thought that, at least the part about her raise, would evoke something. Shaking his head at her question if he needed her for anything else, he pensively followed Kalinda with his eyes, wondering if there was anything in the world this woman gave a damn about.

…

As Kalinda made her way past Alicia's office she saw the back of Eli Gold's head. Catching Alicia's eyes through the glass wall, she rolled her eyes behind him, making the woman laugh before refocusing her attention on her husband's campaignmanager.

' I told you I wouldn't do it and I won't.'

As Eli explained her why he was asking her to do this spousal interview, Alicia felt her attention waver as her eyes and mind drifted once again to Kalinda. Never had she felt like this before. It was like she wanted to breathe the other woman in and keep her close constantly. It was like the whole time, her whole life she had been uncomfortable but she just hadn`t known it until this missing piece finally arrived. She knew she admired Kalinda, at times even she was jealous of what the woman could get away with. Thinking of herself in high heels hitting a man with a baseball-bat just made her laugh, but somehow with Kalinda, the picture matched. But then why did she feel so protective of her friend? I mean, if they would get into trouble, it would be more likely that Kalinda would protect HER.

`Sorry, what was that?`

She tried to focus again on Eli, who urgently asked her attention.

`I wouldn`t ask if it weren`t important, I`m sorry, but it has to be today and it has to be before 5…`

Just looking at the campaign manager with blank eyes, she saw how Eli Gold resigned into losing. Not only her, but everything, and she felt something she hadn`t expected. She felt sorry for him.

`I have to work.`

A glimmer of hope shot up in his eyes, at the sound of doubt in her voice. Was she really considering to do this? And if she did, for who would she do it. For her husband? For herself? For his campaign manager?

`I could arrange that, I will arrange that. Will you just please consider it?`

`Give me an hour to think it over.`

He nodded and, as he left, she laughed at gesture she had seen herself make. Maybe it was contagious to put up a hand in order to obtain authority, but, seeing how it had resulted in a quick exit, it surely had done the trick.

…

TBC