Disclaimer: Don't own it.
It was you breathless and tall
I could feel my eyes turning into dust
And two strangers turning into dust
Turning into dust
Into Dust- Mazzy Star
She's taking in too much air, close to hyperventilating, she sinks, crumpling to the floor, her feet no longer able to support her. She needs to think, focus on what just happened, what he just said, what he just confirmed. But her brain is having a hard processing it, doesn't want to process it.
He falls with her, sitting on the opposite side of the hall, his legs brushing hers, and she wants to pull away, remove herself from him and his lies but, a part of her (a huge part of her, that she's now fighting with) relishes in his body heat, in the fabric of his pants rubbing against her bare legs.
"Breathe, Alex," he says slowly, like he's comforting a child, "Take a deep breath, hold it, and release. Can you do that?"
She shakes her head no, still gasping for breath, she's becoming more and more lightheaded, knows that if she doesn't catch her breath she's going to pass out.
He scoots closer to her, his now bended knees brushing her skin he takes her hand gently and brings it to his chest, "Breathe," he repeats, exaggerating his own breathing, he inhales deeply, pauses, and exhales, "Like this," he says, "Like me, breathe like me, Alex."
She focuses on the rise and fall of his chest, works to copy and eventually does, the lightheadedness leaves her and she can think properly. Her mouth is dry and she licks her lips before she talks to him, "How long have you known?" She asks quietly, her voice hoarse, she wants to be mad. She wants to scream and yell at him, tell him she hates him, that she never wants to see him again, wants to slap him. She tries to summon her anger, and while she's upset, she just can't do it.
She loves him too much.
He clears his throat and looks away from her, his knee bumping her shoulder, she doesn't miss the tears in his eyes, even if he's trying to hide it, "Two years," he answers.
She widens her eyes at this, wow; she thought that he had only known for a few weeks, tops. But, two years? She's left with so many questions. She furrows her brow and tilts her head to the side, "Why didn't you come find me? You've known for two years? You knew where the loft was, right?" She sees him nod, she sighs, "Why didn't you come find me?" Her voice is so quiet, so unlike Alex and she isn't quite sure what to make of it.
He turns back to her, his eyes full of moisture, disrupting her view of his grey eyes, "I wanted to. I did, Alex. Believe me. I thought about you every day. Wondered how you were doing. But, I couldn't, I couldn't make myself go and talk to you."
She shakes her head in disbelief, "But why? Didn't you know how scared I was? I was so lost without you, Justin. I had no idea what was going on. I thought I did the right thing, wishing for everything to be exactly the way it was, and when I got back to that beach, you weren't there and no one knew who you were. I went crazy." She stops when a lump forms in her throat and she can't swallow it. She doesn't try to stop her tears, knew that it was only a matter of time before she lost it.
He sighs childishly, "And you think it was easy for me? Waking up in a house I had never been in? With siblings I didn't know? Parents I couldn't recognize? Living in a world without magic?"
"You had a choice, Justin! You remembered us, where we were, you could've come to us. We would've found a way to fix it."
"I didn't want to!" He yells and she flinches at his tone, he's never been this angry, about anything (and she's seen him all sort of pissed off but, he's never once scared her, not like he is now).
He notices her movement and his expression softens, "I'm sorry," he says, his voice still tense, "It's just," he pauses, lowering his head to rest on his bended knees. She hesitantly reaches for him, putting her hand under his shirt and gently rubbing the smooth expanse of his back.
"What, Justin? Why couldn't you come to us?"
"I didn't want to," he replies, his voice muffled, he lifts his head to look at her, "I couldn't."
His eyes are red-rimmed now and she's never seen her Justin like this. "Why?" She still doesn't understand, it would've been so simple for him to come to them.
"Because I loved you. Did you know that? I've loved you since I was fifteen I realized that I loved you, that I wanted to touch you, wrap you up in my arms, bury my face in your hair, hold your hand, comfort you, cup your cheeks and kiss the corner of your mouth. I wanted to make love to you; I wanted to be with you in so many ways. I wanted to have you in all the ways I couldn't."
She doesn't say anything, she can't, her mouth is slightly agape and she feels like a dork because she can't close it but, Jesus Christ, how was she supposed to know all this? She never would have even suspected.
"I remember forgetting you," he lets out a humorless chuckle, "That sounds weird but, I remember. I remember standing in front of this beautiful girl, this beautiful, crying girl and I wanted nothing more than to hug her and tell her everything would be alright. And then you said I was your brother, I couldn't believe it, didn't want to believe it. It was just wrong. It was wrong to be related to you. I didn't want it. I remember being pulled away but, I could still see you, could still hear you. I saw your mom throwing you the stone. Could hear you saying your spells. But, I didn't want them. I prayed they wouldn't come true. So when you made your wish, I made on, too. I wished that things would go back to the way they were supposed to be. I wanted a world where I could have you as mine."
Wow, if that's not the sweetest thing that's ever been said to her, she isn't sure what to say, so she goes with safe approach, the one that they're most familiar with, her brow creases, "But how could your wish come true? I was the one holding the stone."
He shrugs, "I don't know. I wished harder? My wish was the easier one? It was the right one? What do you want me to say? It was magic, it's not really for us to understand, sometimes you get the result you desired, other times the spell screws up because it's faulty, it's not supposed to work. I don't know. I don't understand any of it anymore. Not after that."
She accepts his answer, it's Justin, and he's probably right, like usual. And honestly, it's not like they can go to her dad, how the hell would they even tell him?"
She remembers the day she first saw him, the way he reacted, "How did you do it, that first day? Pretend you didn't know me?"
He offers her a small smile, "Practice. Once I realized that my wish had come true I came up with a plan. I was going to pretend not to know you, slowly gain your trust, get you to love me."
She should be so pissed at him, manipulating her like that but, she's not. If she's honest with herself, she's felt things for Justin she shouldn't, even when they were still siblings. Sometimes she longed to shut him up by pushing him down and kissing him, sometimes she hugged him a little too long, stared at him a little too hard when he was in his swimming trunks. If she were put in the same situation, she probably would have done the same thing.
She smirks slightly, "That's a very Alex thing of you to do. That still doesn't explain your doucheness that day. You were such a dick to me, and so cocky. What was that about?"
He shrugs again, "I just assumed that's what you went for. Do you remember the guys you dated in high school?"
She snorts, "Unfortunately."
Their quiet for a moment, she removes her hand from his skin and leans back against the wall, "I'm still pissed at you. You lied to me. You left me alone with all this shit. I—" she takes a deep breath, looks at him full on, "I want to forgive you. I just, I need some time, okay? I need time to think, okay?"
He looks surprised but nods, "Yeah, sure." He sounds relieved and she almost wants to laugh.
To be honest, she's surprised, too. But, whatever, maybe she's growing up. Or something. Don't get her wrong, she is so pissed at him. It's going to take a lot to get her trust back. But, she's sure he knows that.
He stands, he helps her up and together they go to his bedroom, where he helps her pack. They agree to wait until morning for her to go to her dorm, so he sleeps on the cramped couch, after insisting that she take the bed.
Tomorrow, they'll figure this out.
A/N: You. Are. Amazing. All of you. Thank you so much for your reviews! hates me today. So, sorry for the delay. Also, I had an entirely different chapter written but deleted it, it just didn't work for me, I wasn't proud of it, and I don't want to post chapters that I'm not proud of. Please, let me know what you think.