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Chapter 13

Tony was staring at the accelerometer that snaked around the room. Looking at it now, after all had been said and done was a bittersweet moment. On one hand, the machine he was looking at had ultimately saved his life, even if it had decided to malfunction the first time. On the other hand, it had also caused so much pain to people around him. In the end, it was really Rhodey and Pepper who had saved him. The accelerator was just a necessary piece. So many times in the last week he had wanted to quit and the prospect of death meant the end of the worry and the pain. And he probably would have given up had it not been the hope supplied by Rhodey and Pepper that had fueled his own. Now as he looked at it, he saw not only life and a second chance but also memories that he would rather forget.

And he wasn't entirely sure where to start with the disassembling of the machine. It could take days, or even weeks just to move everything out and to do so he'd have to start breaking it down, tearing it apart…no wonder he paid people to do everything.

Rhodey found Tony looking perplexed and stood next to him, looking at the accelerator.

"Good times, huh?"

"Yeah, that," Tony said, playing along. "And I really don't feel like breaking this down now."

"So do it later."

"What else am I going to do?" he said lazily as he started untwisting a segment. "Fix the drama going on at Stark Industries? That doesn't sound like me."

Rhodey smirked but held on to the piece Tony was working on so it wouldn't come undone. Now that the two of them were alone, he sensed a looming sadness surrounding Tony's presence. Today was a time of celebration or at least relief that the drama and chaos was over. Yet, Tony seemed everything but excited, relieved maybe, but the happiness anyone would have expected was nonexistent. Something was bothering him. But Rhodey wasn't entirely sure how to ask.

Maybe it was just being in this room? The ill memories that now found their home in the workshop were bound to stay forever. Were they haunting him now?

"You don't have to do this now," Rhodey told him.

"Why not?" Tony asked, baffled.

Okay, so that wasn't what was bugging him. "Because you're a lazy ass and you're only going to make me do most of the work," Rhodey quickly saved. Tony laughed at that one.

"So…when do I get my letter?"

The piece Tony was trying to detach fell clattering to the floor but Tony didn't bother picking it up. He just looked at his friend with a look in his eye that read: You're not going to drop this are you?

"What letter?" Tony asked, playing dumb.

Rhodey chuckled. "You know what letter. Pepper told me you wrote some. I want to know when I get mine."

"Feeling sentimental, are we?" Tony said, turning the tables.

"And…Pepper?" Rhodey prodded.

Tony didn't say anything for a moment but Rhodey saw the playfulness leave him. "What about Pepper?"

"What do you mean 'what about Pepper'?" Rhodey asked, enjoying this game. Making Tony uncomfortable was always fun. After what he had seen that morning between the two of them and Pepper's confession just moments before Tony had nearly died – well, there was something going on that he was missing.

Tony didn't answer him. He just looked at him and rolled his eyes, getting back to work.

"So there is something I'm completely oblivious about."

"This isn't high school," Tony deadpanned.

"So I'm right?"

"There's nothing – hold this," Tony demanded, giving Rhodey a particularly difficult job just to get back at him.

"So I'm right?" Rhodey repeated, purposely pushing his buttons.

"No." Tony finally gave him a straight answer without meeting his inquisitive eyes. "No, there's nothing."

Rhodey was so close to questioning him again but when he noticed Tony's downcast eyes and mouth set in a firm line, he changed his mind.

Tony was hurting.

And why should he? He was alive, wasn't he? But that obviously wasn't the root of his disappointment. The source of his disappointment was Pepper and considering the…position he had found the two of them earlier that morning before he had spoken up, Rhodey didn't quite understand what the problem was.

Rejection? It could be the only logical explanation. Someone had been rejected and by the looks of it, Tony had been on the receiving end. Rhodey tried to figure out some sort of time sequence in his head – he hadn't been at the house all day. In fact, he had only come back from the base an hour ago. Something must have happened while he was out. Of course, Rhodey had no tangible proof so this was all speculation. Maybe they had talked, and Pepper had dismissed any notion of a relationship.

But even that seemed out of character in so many ways – Pepper had admitted she loved him, so why would she deny it now? After everything they had all been through? Rhodey had no evidence, no proof, nothing to go on – but rejection was definitely the underlying root. And that was a hard prospect to face, especially for Tony.

Tony had gone through a week and a half of pain, and not all of it physical. The first time Rhodey had found out about Tony's problem, he was halfway through his designated week, only a few days left. And he had even said that the reason he was even bothering with the accelerator was because Pepper had hope that it could be completed. Without her hope, Tony's was nonexistent. He had failed once and had gotten up to do it again – because of Pepper. He had tried because of her and had written that letter because of her. During the week, he didn't need to know if she loved her – just that she cared. And his feelings toward her – whether from love or friendship – made the week tolerable. But knowing that she felt the same way about him would have made the week worthwhile.

From the observer's point of view, it seemed like Pepper and Rhodey received the brunt of the blow. They had to take care of him, be his strength and source of stability in a trying time. And having to do that as well as remain hopeful for Tony's sake was difficult. But now that the cards had been dealt and the worst was over – it was easy to see that it was really Tony who had ended up suffering in the long run. He could have chosen to give up and let it go –but he hadn't because of her. And it wasn't simply the matter of choosing to continue. Dying is easy – living is what was hard. And she was the reason to choose the latter. And now that the reason proved to be in vain, nothing seemed to be worth it.

Rhodey asked no more questions as he helped him clean up.

Pepper was in Tony's room holding the letter she had so frantically opened days before. But now that she was there, she wasn't sure if she was ready to talk to him about it. He wasn't in the room – he was probably in the workshop tinkering or taking apart that obnoxiously large contraption (she didn't care if it had been necessary, the worry it had caused was enough to make anyone frustrated). So she stood in his empty room, twiddling with the obviously handled letter not sure if she should just leave it and see where things went from there or confront him once and for all. From the way things had gone back to normal earlier that morning, it didn't seem like Tony was too eager to change anything.

But she couldn't help but remember what had happened earlier that morning before Rhodey had walked in. Tony had held her and looked into her eyes, and just by looking at him she could tell there was so much more he wasn't telling her. She wanted to know what that was.

"Pepper?"

She gasped and spun around facing Tony, clutching the letter. She hadn't even heard him walk in. Yet he didn't seem in the least bit annoyed or even curious as to why she was in there. He actually had that satisfied smirk slapped across his face – the same one he wore whenever he was about to do something he knew she wouldn't approve of.

"I just wanted…to make sure everything…was in line," Pepper lied. Terribly.

"You do realize," he said, walking up to her. "That by not being my employee any more you don't have to look after me as often as usual. And since I'm not dying anymore you do have the right and privilege…"

He was right in front of her now, completely in her space, breathing the same air even until he could be no closer. Yet, Pepper willed herself to keep her cool. She focused her gaze on Tony but instead of things going where she thought they were, he reached behind her, his hand on the dresser and finished his sentence. "To go home."

His hand snapped back beside him and she saw that he was holding a bunch of envelopes - the letters he had written. He raised an eyebrow and squinted as if carefully examining her reaction and Pepper held the straightest face she could. After a moment, he turned around, taking the letters with him.

What was that all about? Was he teasing her? She frowned at the notion and realized he had completely ignored the envelope that was in her hand – there was no way he could have missed it.

"What about this one?" Pepper said before he completely left the room.

Tony turned around to face her, stopping just outside the door. For the first time since the encounter, she saw a different emotion in her hands – not triumph, not that smart-ass look but a genuine look of either sadness or disappointment. She couldn't place it. "What about it?" he asked.

She hesitated before saying, "Aren't you going to take it too?"

He smirked, the smart-ass look returning but the sadness did not leave. "Well that would be relatively pointless," he told her. "After all, you already read it. Right?"

Pepper's heart hit her throat but Tony didn't even spare her a second glance as he walked out the room, throwing the letters on a nearby table nonchalantly. Pepper followed him, on his heels.

"How did you-" Pepper started.

"Pepper, I'd like to think that I can read your expressions like a book considering how long I've known you," he said sounding more amused than anything else. But in an instant, he dropped the subject entirely. "JARVIS! Move everything I have tomorrow up an hour and a half – any dinners or benefits that are before noon, cancel and Pepper-" he turned around as if remembering he had just spoken to her, walking backwards. "Where the hell is that Natalie chick?"

Had she just imagined what had happened just a few seconds ago? Tony had just stated that he knew she had read his letter and he had landed on the subject for a whole two seconds. Why was he jumping back to professionalism again?

"What are you doing?" she asked, bewildered.

Tony stopped. "Well, I'm trying to be responsible – you usually like it better when I'm responsible."

"And this?" Pepper asked, holding up the letter. She wasn't sure if she should be disappointed or frustrated.

Not even the slightest hesitation crossed his countenance. He nodded his head slightly as if to say, Go on…

She was flabbergasted, not even sure what to say and in her state of confusion, she just exhaled suddenly, frowning. "Fine," she said after a moment, hurt clouding her eyes. She tossed the letter aside and turned, walking in the opposite direction.

"Are you angry?" Tony asked, genuinely curious causing her to stop and turn around to look at him.

She smiled – a look of disappointment rather than good humor. "Really, Tony? I usually thought you were so good at reading my expressions."

"You're angry. At me," he said in disbelief as he stepped closer. "I'm sorry, I thought you preferred the professional Tony Stark – you've at least made that obvious on more than one occasion." Biting sarcasm.

"What does that mean?"

"You know quite well what that means, Ms. Potts."

How did he do that? How could he maintain almost complete professionalism yet show his hurt, anger, frustration and resentment? Why was he being so cruel?

"No, Tony," Pepper insisted. "I don't."

"Pepper, don't toy with me," he spat out, walking past her. Another side of him she had never seen.

"I'm toying with you?" Pepper demanded, grabbing his arm before he could leave angrily.

"You read it, Pepper," Tony finally said, acknowledging the letter. "You read it. You know how I feel. And you don't need to insult me by pretending that you feel the same just for my sake." He didn't yell, didn't show any outward anger. Yet, frustration seemed to be seeping out of every pore in his body. He spoke barely above a whisper – a voice he reserved for annoying members of the board or a particularly nosy reporter but never ever for her.

"Oh, okay, Tony. You were about to kiss me that night. And you were the one who chose to back off. And now you're saying I'm toying with you?"

"You know why I said no." The anger and resentment was waning, now being replaced with a cold bitterness.

"I don't. You're assuming I know these things, Tony – I don't know. Tell me."

He didn't say anything at first and Pepper found herself staring into his cold and calculating eyes. She had never seen these eyes before and she hoped she never would again. It was as if they held a barrier between the two of them, completely impenetrable. But at last, the barrier came crumbling down. "Because you're different," he told her simply. "Because I don't need you for quick lay but because I need you. And because I care about you…and I wanted to know if it was because I care or because I wanted to escape the notion of death for a couple minutes-" He paused as if realizing he had already said too much.

"And what did you find?" Pepper asked, honestly fearing the answer.

"That it didn't matter," he said about to leave again but Pepper stopped him.

"Why do you keep assuming what I think?"

"I'm not assuming anything. You said so yourself, it was nothing. That it meant nothing."

"I never-"

"The day after," Tony reminded her. "We were in my room and I tried to talk about it. About why – and you said that it was meaningless."

She remembered – but she had only said those things because… "I thought you didn't know I read the letter. I know you wouldn't have wanted me to read it."

"Then why else would I write it?"

"Because you wanted me to read it after you died. That was when you wanted me to read it but I read it beforehand. So…I said that…because I thought you wouldn't realize I had already read it." Jesus, this wasn't helping her argument. "It doesn't even make sense now but Tony I-"

"Don't-"

"I read it afterwards, Tony," she interrupted frantically. Now it was her turn to speak. "I was angry. I was angry and frustrated because you didn't kiss me and at first I thought you were just toying with me…and that's when I read your letter." Just remembering brought tears to her eyes but they did not fall. She had cried enough in the last week. "I read it afterwards and I saw that you loved me. And I knew I loved you too but I couldn't tell you that because then it would mean I thought you were going to die – and I couldn't do that. So I decided to wait, Tony-" she tried to let everything out almost in a single heartbeat, as if fearing she would forget something or change her mind halfway. "I waited because I didn't want to give up and because…because I love you so much and-"

He shook his head almost unbelievably. "I thought…" His words got stuck in the back of his throat.

At the most inconvenient time possible, her Blackberry in her pocket started to ring obnoxiously and Pepper groaned loudly. She whipped it out without even looking at Tony, not yet ready to face him again fearing rejection and yelled into the receiver, "What!"

Tony would have laughed had it not been for this strange turn in conversation. And he still had Pepper's words locked inside his head. She loved him – it hadn't all been in vain. There had been truth. She loved him.

"This isn't my problem anymore, I don't work there," Pepper spat out angrily and Tony took a mental double take.

"I don't know who you should call but it most definitely is not me." And with that she hung up and stuck her phone back into her pocket.

"Who was that?" Tony asked suddenly.

"Stark Industries. I resigned."

Those words felt like a punch in his gut. So she was leaving? "Why?"

"Because, Tony – I can't handle it!" she shrieked, about to go into full rant mode. "All this week when I've had more important things to worry about they keep calling and interrupting me when I couldn't care any less what was going on. And then there's you! I don't know when you're going to do something crazy like kill yourself or…or…wreck the whole company…or…."

"No, it's fine," Tony said, taking her hand, his eyes downcast.

Pepper stopped, hesitating – her breath caught in her throat. "Uh-"

"You've been taking such good care of me, you deserve better," he said quietly. "Right?"

The words he was saying scared her, and the sincerity and honest sadness in his eyes added to the fear. "No," she whispered softly, shaking her head as she wove her fingers through his. "No, it's not I don't want to-"

Tony pressed his lips to hers, finishing what he had once started. Her eyes closed and her other hand found his cheek, taking him in. His arms wrapped around her and his hand rested on her neck, feeling her skipping pulse that so easily matched his own. Her mouth opened slightly and Tony used the opportunity to pour himself into her.

He could never let her go. He knew that now. His hand slowly travelled upward from the crook in her neck, taking her face in his hands and feeling her soft hair in his fingers. He needed this, he needed her.

She broke away slowly, immediately missing the touch of his lips on hers. Her breath was heavy on his neck. "I want this," she whispered before taking him again. "I want this."

"Don't leave," he murmured between kisses.

Pepper stopped again, looking into his dark eyes. "I don't intend to."

"Then why-"

"Tony – I resigned as CEO. I…was hoping my previous position as your assistant was still available," she said, a playful smirk dancing on her lips but with hopeful eyes staring back at him.

Tony's smile was undeniable. "In that case, welcome back, Ms. Potts," he whispered before taking her lips again.

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