I own no part of SON

Peace and love to all!

Two weeks later…

My whole body aches as I push one last time. I swear this damn couch weighs a million pounds. The couch finally slides through the doorway and I squeal in victory.

"Quit being weird."

Glen sneers at me so I do the mature thing and stick my tongue out at him, big jerk.

"I take pride in enjoying small victories," I flop down on the couch I just hauled up the stairs, "where's your useless girlfriend?"

Someone slaps the back of my head, "I'm not useless!"

Ah she's standing right behind me. A husky chuckle fills my head and I try to act like my stomach just didn't perform a somersault at the sound.

"Oh come on Kyla, all you did today was boss us around." Kyla pouts at her sister's comment and hands me a water bottle. It's the middle of June and it feels like it is 100 degrees outside so moving Ashley into her apartment hasn't been fun.

Oh and what else isn't fun is the fact that she's moving into the apartment literally right across the hall from me…cool.

"So we're gonna take off. We have to get cleaned up and then the network is having a party." Glen takes Kyla's hand and we all exchange goodbyes.

Now it's just Ashley and I standing in her box filled apartment. The silence is roaring in my head and Ashley's staring at the space directly to the left of where I'm sitting.

"So if you're all set I guess I'll walk the five steps home." I try to finish with what I think is a funny chuckle but it just comes out kind of awkward and creepy.

Without even looking at me she nods and clears her throat.

"Right, thanks for the help Spencer."

I wait a beat and stare at her thinking maybe she'll look at me because honestly these days that's what I live for, her gaze always warms me. When her eyes close I decide maybe she is not looking at me on purpose so I slowly start to let myself out of her apartment.

At the door I pause and ask the question that I'm sure is nagging both of us.

"This isn't gonna be weird right? I mean you and I this close, we can make it work?"

I don't bother to turn around because depending on her answer I don't wanna see her face, her reaction.

"God I hope not," she pauses and I hear her take a single step towards me, "but my first impression is yeah, this is gonna be super awkward for a while."

I don't answer but just walk the small space to my apartment. When I close my door behind me I slide down the closed door and crumble to the floor. There's a dull pain in my chest that I recognize, it's the same pain I've been feeling for quite some time now.

Sometimes I can convince myself that the ache is just a pulled muscle and sometime I can talk myself into the idea that there actually isn't pain there at all and that my mind is playing tricks on me.

For a moment I close my eyes and delve into my memories to find one from a simpler time. I'm 18 and I am snuggled with Ashley in her bedroom. It's an innocent embrace and we're happy. I hold tight to this memory until the pain in my chest lessens and only then do I open my eyes to the agonizing reality of my current life.

Several Weeks later…

The end of summer is near and that fall weather is almost here. I can feel it in a cooler breeze every now and then or the occasional leaf that drifts slowly down from the branch of a tall tree.

This is what I'm thinking about as I walk home from work on a Wednesday evening. I know, my life is way exciting. Once I reach my apartment building my stomach drops and I dread climbing the stairs.

I dread the top of the stairs because up those steps is the woman that I'm trying desperately to get over but I just can't seem to kick the habit. I need a patch or something. There are days when I must not be quiet whilst coming home and Ashley will come out in the hallway to say hi and try to talk with me. These days I avoid her and speak in one word answers. It's best for my health that way.

Tonight is not my lucky night, she's already out in the hallway.

"Oh hey Spencer," she gives me a quick smile, "I didn't know you were going to be home right now."

I can't help but scoff in disbelief because I come home at the same time every day.

"Ok."

My fingers aren't working and I can't seem to find the right key to my door. The brunette just stands behind me, staring holes into my back.

"How was work?"

She's trying to be friendly with me and I just don't have the patience for it anymore.

"Fine."

Damn keychain with five billion keys on it. I can feel her take another step closer to me and I hear her release a deep sigh.

"You won't even look at me anymore," she sounds defeated, "did I do something wrong?"

Guilt surges through me but I finally find the right key and my door swings open, making relief replace the guilt.

"I can't do this right now Ashley. I'm exhausted." I walk through my door and when I try to close it behind me it bounces back to me.

When I turn around she's standing in my apartment glowering at me.

"You don't get to just ignore me Spencer." She shakes her head and slowly closes the door behind her, "It's been weeks since you've even really spoken to me and we go days without you even looking at me. When you do finally speak it is one word at a time and when you look at me I feel like you hate me. What's going on?"

She's not crying but pain is written all over her face behind those horrible scars.

"Listen I really don't think you want me to get into this." And the truth is I don't even know how to explain myself.

"No, I want to know what's going on. Now."

Her tone is demanding and it pisses me off.

"You know what? Fine but just remember that I didn't want to say any of this to you." I take a deep breath and watch her steady herself against my counter, "I can't be around you but I can't not be around you. I'm mad all the time because none of this is fair. It isn't fair that we broke up in high school, it isn't fair that our stupid siblings have this perfect relationship, it isn't fair that you got hurt so bad, and it isn't fair that I thought you were dead. But the worst thing, the thing that hurts and frustrates me the most is this," I take a step closer to her and I can smell her perfume, "it isn't fair that you loved me when I couldn't return the feelings and now, now I love you and you either don't feel the same or are oblivious. My life has become a fucking cliché, an empty miserable cliché. And the worst part is I can't talk to my best friend about it because I'm in love with her. I don't talk to you and I don't look at you because I'm trying to protect myself."

I finish talking and my words have drained me of energy. I let my head droop and I close my eyes hoping that when I open them Ashley will be gone but the longer I stand with my eyes closed, the stronger the smell of her perfume gets.

I slowly open my eyes and find Ashley standing right in front of me. She's breathing heavily and her jaw is clenched. There's anger in her eyes but the longer I stare into her gaze the more the anger fades.

"Ashley I-"

"Shut up."

I straighten up and my mouth drops open. What the hell?

"Excuse me?"

"God I said shut up."

Before I can even say anything else her lips land on mine. It's the softest, gentlest kiss I've ever had and it's perfect. The kiss only last a few seconds before she pulls away only to rest her forehead against mine.

We are both breathing deeply and I bring my hands up to rest against her neck. She still flinches ever so slightly at the touch but I keep my hands there.

"Ashley." I choke out her name through the tears that have all of a sudden started falling. I close my eyes to try and stop the tears and I feel her wipe away the streams running down my face.

Then she pulls away suddenly and there's a panicked look on her pretty face. Wait no don't freak out.

"I-I should go." Her voice wavers slightly and she's looking at me with desperation but I don't know why.

"Whoa, wait a second," I grab her hand and hold on tight, "you can't just leave now. Just take a breath and, and chill."

My brain is scrambling and my heart thumps wildly in my chest. For the first time in what seems like forever I really feel alive.

She nods and takes several deep, slow breaths. After a few moments the wild look disappears from her face and there's even a small smile playing on her face.

"Thank you Spencer."

"You're welcome," then I grin full blown and can't stop, "you kissed me."

To my surprise, and delight, a deep blush washes over her scarred face and neck.

"Yeah."

Now I'm standing right in front of her grinning and wiggling around like an excited puppy. I'm so pathetic.

"Ashley, I'm going to kiss you again."

She scowls and shakes her head.

"Nah, I'm good thanks." Her voice is teasing and the scowl is replaced by that devilish smirk that I love so much.

I lean closer and bump my nose against hers before pressing my lips to hers. She smiles against my mouth and the kiss is soft and quick again. I know better than to push her further than that right now.

"This isn't going to be easy is it?" I whisper the words, afraid of saying them too loud.

She simply chuckles, "When was the last time anything was easy for us?"

Ashley kisses my cheek and slips out my door without another word. I stare at the space she just occupied with a stupid smile on my face for another five minutes before I snap out of it.

We kissed, twice. I love her but she didn't say if she loves me. Still ok though. She said 'us' but what does 'us' mean?

Stop stop stop it! I'm overthinking this and I need to just have a celebratory beer. The rest of the night I spend in front of my TV watching old Friends reruns and drinking beer, the whole time replaying the kisses over and over in my head.

Perhaps everything will turn out just fine…right?

Thanks to all for everything. You guys rock.