I glanced at the cruel red numbers on the digital clock. Four thirty in the morning. The abrasive, harsh lights in the hospital were not conducive to sleep, but aside from that, my anxiety was to great for me to even sit…I had been pacing back and forth in the waiting room ever since I got here about four hours ago. They wouldn't allow me in to see her because I wasn't a relative, and with homosexual marriage illegal, I couldn't even say I was her spouse, and apparently being her girlfriend for the past decade or so meant nothing. Joanne had yet to stir, and I was frantically calling the loft (where Mark, Roger, Mimi, and Collins were all currently residing), and Collins' cell phone (since he was the only one of them with one) about every ten to fifteen minutes, though nobody would pick up...the answering machine hadn't even picked up since that first call I had made when I was waiting for the ambulance. Where were they? Maybe Benny cut the power again? But what about Collins? I didn't think it possible that none of them would wake to the constantly ringing phone, or even that all of them were sleeping. I had called Joanne's parents as soon as I got to the hospital, but only to tell them what had happened, as I knew they were not going to come, since they were workaholics and couldn't miss their sleep, and certainly wouldn't miss work. That and her father hated me enough to not come to the hospital out of concern for his daughter, since it would mean that he would have to spend time with me. Finally, panicked and frustrated, I called Benny, who answered after the first ring.

"Benny did you cut the power to the loft?"

"Who is this?"

"Cut the crap Benny. Please…did you or didn't you?"

"I had no choice…you know that periodically I have to look like I'm getting rent from them to keep up appearances. They agreed to it!"

"Benny…this is an emergency! I need to call them…I'm at the hospital…something happened to Joanne…I can't leave in case anything changes. Benny…you have to do something. Either turn the power back on so that I can call them or get your ass over there and tell them that I need them."

"Fine. I'll turn the power back on. Give me fifteen minutes." I sighed impatiently, but thanked him for helping, and waited. I finally sat down, and I must have dozed off while waiting to be able to call them, because when my phone rang in my purse, it was right beside my ear, and I just about jumped out of my skin.

"Honey, are you okay?"

"Oh Mimi thank God. I was calling you guys all night, and finally after about four hours realized that nobody picking up probably meant Benny turned off the power…"

"So what happened?"

"I don't know…I got home and I was going to talk to Joanne, but I found her passed out, with an empty whiskey bottle and half-empty vodka bottle beside her. And you know how she is with even the tiniest amount of alcohol. Anyway…I couldn't get her to wake up or anything, but I don't think she was trying to kill herself or anything…but she still hasn't woken up and they won't let me in with her and I'm really scared. I don't know what I would do if…oh Mimi…I'm so scared…can you come over here?" At the beginning of my explanation I felt really detached, but by the time I finished speaking I was sobbing.

"Oh my God…oh my God. Okay…um…I can't believe this. I can't believe you've been there for such a long time already and couldn't reach…okay. I'm gonna get everybody up and we're gonna come over there, and this is going to be okay. Maureen…I'm so sorry honey. I'll be there as soon as I can…I promise. How are you holding up?"

"I'm not…Mimi…just hurry…I can't do this…"

"I'm coming babe. See you in a bit. Hang in there, okay chica?" I couldn't speak, and I tried really hard to make some sort of noise so Mimi would know that I had heard her, which came out as a whimper, though she seemed to understand what I meant, and hung up. I was sitting on the floor in the corner of the room, with my forehead resting on my knees, sobbing. There was only one other person in the room with me, sitting in a very uncomfortable looking plastic chair, but sleeping quite peacefully—and old man, probably homeless. I wonder where I will be when I am that age…whom I am going to be with…Joanne had better wake her ass up and come back to me. She was in stable condition, I was told, although they wouldn't tell me what was wrong. Again, fuck the law for banning homosexual marriage. Otherwise I would be allowed in there. These fucking intolerant pigs. I need to be with her! She needs me! I need her!

"Maureen!" Mimi called from the entrance, with more than a hint of concern in her voice, no being able to see me, as I was sitting in a dark corner. I stood up, and her warm brown eyes filled with questions, but all I could do was hang my head. She came over and hugged me. I found myself incapable of crying, though the pain was overwhelming. I closed my eyes, and we stayed like that for a while. When she finally released me, I opened my eyes, realizing that Roger, Mark and Collins were also there. I stumbled over to one of the hard, cold chairs in the waiting room and sat in it, burying my face in my hands.

"This is my fault. All my fault. Do you realize that if I hadn't answered the phone when you called me, Marky, we wouldn't be here—I wouldn't be plaguing anybody's life."

"Maureen…you know I hate when you talk like that. You are worth so much more than that. And do you really think that Joanne would have lasted if you had killed yourself?" He had squatted in front of me, taking my hands in his, "Sweetie…you look like hell. You need to sleep."

"Mark I can't. One of the two people I love most in the world could be dying and they won't let me see her, and I don't know what is going on. Quite frankly, I don't care what I need right now." Mark looked taken aback, but I couldn't tell whether it was because I set him equal to Joanne, or because I had expressed a lack of concern for my own well being. He looked also slightly dejected, as though I had no regard for his good intentions.

"Well…if not for me, then what about the baby?" He had me there. I couldn't say that I didn't care about the health of this little tiny being that is growing within my body. In the midst of all this chaos, I had forgotten why Joanne was so upset in the first place.

"I'll try to sleep here. But that is the most I will do. I can't leave this building, in case anything changes." Mark sighed, but knowing my stubbornness, accepted the semblance of a compromise that I had laid down before him, and he pushed a rebellious curl back from my face, kissing my forehead. What a sweetheart, even though the reason he is here is the woman who I left him for. He has been so supportive, ever since he got over his bitterness and pain of the breakup. He had taken my decision to stay with Joanne so well this time, the second time. I drowsily lay down on an orange vinyl covered couch-type-thing and allowed my heavy eye lids to fall, drifting of to sleep…