Disclamer: Do you think I own Torchwood? In that case I'm sorry to disappoint you, cause I don't
AN: Here's another chapter for you. I hope that you'll like it.
I want to thank all of you who leaves reviews after you've read. I treasure every oppinion you have.
I also want to thank all of my silent stalkers who reads this. I hope you like what I give to you.
Remember that it's for all of you that I write.
And I want to send the hugest thank to TheWeddingFairy, my amazing beta. I love you for sticking with me for hours at the time :)
Now, on with the story.
He ran. The darkness surrounded him, and he ran faster. Stumbled forwards. It was a forest around him. Not that he could see it. He felt it. The twigs reached after him, trying to capture him; ripping his clothes. The roots tried their best to trip him, to make him fall to the cold ground. Somewhere far ahead, or far behind, a whisper echoed. He couldn't hear the words, just the light sound. His heart pounded as he ran faster, trying to reach the voice. But his heart beats were drowning the soft voice. He tried to listen harder. The whisper echoed through the empty woods. He ran faster.
A hidden root suddenly appeared. His foot got stuck underneath it. He fell; hands out trying to soften the fall. Still he hit the ground hard. He felt himself scream, but he couldn't hear it. The soft whisper faded away, and he couldn't reach it anymore. He cried.
Jack woke and sat up. His legs were hurting like he'd been running for real. But when he looked around he saw that he was still in the same white room as before. He sighed and tried to wipe away sleep from his eyes. Then he felt the tears. He hadn't realised that he was crying. But he didn't blame himself. He knew he had all the reasons in the world to cry. But he tried to not let the despair take over.
He leaned against the soft wall and pulled his legs as close to his body as humanly possible. He put his arms around his legs and rested his head against his knees. Slowly, he breathed. In and out. He tried to make the tears go away. In and out. Thinking about anything but this place. In and out. He felt the pressure on his chest lift. In and out. It was easier to breathe. In and out. His heart was beating slowly and calmly. In and out. He felt calm.
Suddenly, the door opened and Jack looked up. He expected Mark to stand there with two cups in his hands. But there were no Mark. Instead, Natalie stood there, smiling, with a tray in her hands.
"'Morning, love," she said as she came up to Jack. "Did you sleep well?"
Jack just looked at her and nodded.
"Where's Mark?" he had to ask.
"He has the day off today."
Again, Jack nodded and looked at the tray Natalie put down in front of him. It was the same oatmeal, cheese sandwich and orange juice as always. But Jack was confused.
"Where's the pills?"
"You'll get them later today, love," Natalie smiled and sat down on the floor.
"Doctor Jane wants to see you as early as possible," she continued, seeing the discomfort her answer gave to Jack. "So she said that you will be given your medicine in the common room after the session."
Jack said nothing. He just looked down at his plate with disgust. The oatmeal looked even more tasteless than usual. He took the spoon in his hand and played a little with the bland mush. As he could feel Natalie's gaze on him, he lifted to spoon to his mouth. Still trying to decide if he should open and eat or not, the spoon touched his lips and he shuddered. Slowly, he took the food into his mouth and swallowed, trying to taste as little of the oatmeal as possible. He then put down the spoon and pushed the tray away from him.
"Jack." He could hear the warning in Natalie's voice.
He looked up and met her eyes. They were looking at him with a soft warning. He just crossed his arms over his chest and looked back.
"Jack," she said again. "You're going to eat your breakfast."
"No."
"Jack."
"No, I'm not hungry." He tried to sound confident, but he knew that his voice trembled a bit. And his stomach gave him away by deciding to take just that moment to speak its own mind.
"We've had this discussion before, Jack. You will eat, or else we're going to make you eat."
The words were spoken softly, but they did contain an underlying threat about restrains which made Jack swallow hard. They never broke eye contact. Both of them as persistent as the other. But it was Jack that finally gave in and, with a sigh, ate everything on the plate. Natalie watched him eat in silence.
When he was done, she took the tray and headed back towards the door. Before she closed it, she turned around and looked at him.
"I'll be right back, love. I'm just going to get this back to the kitchen."
Jack nodded, but didn't look at her. Instead he kept his eyes on the floor, trying to ignore the foul taste of the food still lingering in his mouth.
Half an hour later, Jack sat in Doctor Jane's office once more. It had been a week since he'd last been there, and much had happened. But nothing that he could tell Doctor Jane about.
He sat on the couch with his hands between his knees to keep them from nervously playing with the hem of his shirt.
Doctor Jane sat on her chair in front of him. Her hands were closed, as if in prayer. And she smiled at him. That reassuring smile she always seemed to give him when he felt nervous. He tried to smile back, but failed miserably. He could feel that it became more of a grimace than a smile.
"So Jack," she began and Jack could feel himself calm down. "It's been a while since I last saw you."
"Where have you been?" Jack didn't giver her any time to continue. He had questions that he wanted answers to, and no one else had given them to him.
"I've been away," she said, hesitation in every word.
"I know that. Where have you been?" Jack hoped he didn't sound as irritated as he felt.
"It was a family emergency."
"What happened?"
Doctor Jane hesitated before answering. She wondered whether or not she should tell Jack about her private life since he was her patient. But she had a soft spot for Jack, and decided that she could tell him as he told her all about his private life.
"My father died a week ago. So I was home in Nottingham with my family for the funeral."
"I'm sorry," Jack mumbled. He suddenly felt guilty for asking.
"Don't worry about it. He was sick. So it was only a matter of time before he passed away."
"Still, I'm sorry."
Jane's smile grew softer and she placed a hand on Jack's knee.
"Thank you."
He looked up at her and this time he actually managed to smile back at her.
"But we're here to talk about you, Jack."
They both leaned back into their own chairs and Jack focused on what Doctor Jane said. Just so that he wouldn't say too much about what he'd been up to.
"I've been told that you've been good this week. But you got sick last Tuesday. Apparently you threw up?"
Jack shuddered. He remembered that. And the thought of it made him feel nauseous again. He swallowed a few times before he could manage to answer.
"I got better."
"So I've heard. But why did you throw up?"
Pictures of what had happened flooded Jacks mind and he tried desperately to push them all away. He didn't want to let anything show on his face. And he didn't want the pictures in his mind.
"I don't know. Maybe something I ate…" he said with a shrug a few seconds later, hoping that it sounded convincing.
Doctor Jane looked at him for a moment as if she was trying to decide whether to believe him or not. Jack held his breath in fear that she would see through the lie.
When she slowly nodded he let out a small sigh. He was safe, for now.
"I'm glad to hear that you've been socialising more with John. It's good for you to spend time with others."
"When will Ianto be coming back?" Jack had to ask. He didn't care about what Doctor Jane had just said. That was the one question he needed answers to, and no one would give them to him. But he knew that Jane was in contact with Ianto. He'd seen it in the papers. She must know what was going on.
"He didn't come last week?"
Jack shook his head. Then he saw something that he didn't want to see. It happened so fast that if he hadn't been looking at Doctor Jane at that moment, he would have missed it. It was a small trace of confusion and worry that could be seen in her eyes. But before Jack had the time to look closer, it was gone. And instead there was the same calm and confidence that used to be in her eyes.
"Perhaps he was sick."
"Ianto doesn't get sick." Jack knew that. And even if Ianto got sick, he would always do what was needed of him anyway. Jack knew that he almost had to tie Ianto to the bed just to get him to rest when he was feeling ill. Sickness would not stop him from coming to see Jack, he knew that.
"Of course he does. He's just a man. But don't you worry. I'm sure that he will come this week instead."
"Promise?"
"Yes."
But Jack wasn't convinced. He wouldn't be until he saw Ianto again.
"So, Jack… Can you tell me about your week?"
And Jack began to tell her what he knew she wanted to hear.
After the session, Natalie led Jack through the corridor leading to the common room. She was smiling at him and there was a light twinkle in her eyes. But Jack didn't notice. He was lost in his own thoughts. During the session with Doctor Jane, he'd only been telling half truths. Nothing about Adam, nothing about the files, nothing about his desire to find out the truth, and nothing about his spirit breaking. He was still very unsure about what to believe about everything. And for every day that passed he got more and more convinced that maybe he was wrong. But he didn't want to let Doctor Jane know about his doubts, because she didn't understand his struggle to make sense out of everything. He just hoped that she didn't see through his lies and hidden truths.
Jack was about to turn left into the common room when he felt Natalie's hand on his back.
"Not right now, love," she said.
Jack stopped and just looked at Natalie. Confusion was written all over his face. But she didn't say anything; just smiled and made Jack move along the corridor with her. After just a few feet Jack realised where he was going: the visitation room.
"I have a visitor?" He almost couldn't contain the joy he felt.
Natalie gave him a soft smile and nodded. Jack's heart skipped a beat in excitement and he hurried up his steps. He wanted to reach the room as fast as possible. Natalie laughed and sped up to match his pace.
Right outside of the room Natalie made Jack stop. He looked at her, but she still smiled.
"I'm letting you see him alone. I know you've missed him. I'll wait here."
"Thank you," Jack mumbled and gave her a quick hug.
He took a deep breath to calm his heart down. He couldn't believe it, but he was nervous. There were too many questions he wanted to ask.
He entered the room and froze in shock and disbelief. It wasn't Ianto standing there. Instead, it was the scrawny figure of Owen that met his eyes.
Owen looked even more nervous than Jack felt. And the moment of shock was soon over.
"Owen," Jack said with a smile. "I'm so glad to see you."
Owen didn't say a thing but tried to smile as he looked everywhere but directly at Jack. But Jack didn't care. He hurried over to the other man and before he could stop himself, he hugged him.
"Did Ianto send you here?" Jack asked as he let go of Owen.
"No…" Owen began, but Jack interrupted him.
"I asked him to tell you I needed you to come. You need to help me." Jack felt hope return to him. He felt the same way that he did last time he met Ianto. All of the things that had happened during the last week seemed to be temporarily lost.
"Look, Jack. Ianto doesn't know I'm here. If he did he would have done anything to keep me from coming."
Jack was confused. He took a few steps back and looked at Owen. He didn't know what to say, so Owen continued.
"Ianto's told me everything about all of this. You have no idea what it's doing to him. Ever since you came here, he's almost been living with me. He can't stand to be alone in your apartment. He's been there for you. But he's falling apart. I've seen it."
Jack was about to interrupt, but Owen held up his hand and didn't let him say a word.
"He won't be coming back here for a while. I have no idea for how long. But he can't stand to see you like this anymore. He's breaking down, and I'm there to pick him up every time. I'm here because I feel that, no matter how sick you are, you deserve to know why he won't be coming back. He wanted to just stop coming. But I think he's wrong for doing that."
Owen stopped and looked at Jack. Jack didn't know what to say, what to do. He just looked at Owen and saw the pain in his eyes. But that pain was nowhere near the pain the words caused Jack.
"Ianto loves you, Jack. He really does."
"Then why won't he come and see me?" it was nothing more than a whisper, but Owen heard him.
"Because he can't pretend to be strong for you anymore. He has to find his own strength again before he can come back. I know you love him. All he wants for you is to get better."
Jack thought that he could see tears in Owen's eyes, but he wasn't sure. There was so much he wanted to say, but there were no words left in him. So they looked at each other in silence for a moment.
Then Owen took a few steps towards the door.
"I have to go. No one knows I'm here, and I'm late for work."
He put a hand on Jack's shoulder and gave it a light squeeze.
"Take care, Jack. Remember that he loves you."
Jack just nodded and watched as Owen made his way through the door and left him all alone.
"Are you alright, love?"
Natalie's voice came from behind him. He couldn't react to it. He was too shocked by what Owen had told him. Natalie put a hand on his back and continued to talk as she guided him to the common room. But Jack didn't hear what she said. He felt numb. It wasn't from the medicine this time. This was a different numbness. He knew that he should be crying. Knew that he should feel something. But all he could feel was tightness in his chest.
Natalie made him sit down on the couch and she gave him his morning pills. Just like the day before, Jack pretended to take them, and apparently he succeeded in tricking her. She gave his shoulder a small squeeze before she left him all alone.
Jack felt it all, but he didn't register it. Owen's words still rang in his ears. He didn't want to believe them. He didn't want to believe that Ianto had abandoned him like that. There had to be another reason for everything that had happened. He had to find out what was going on, once and for all. And there was only one way for him to find out the truth. A plan was beginning to form in his mind.
The sun was setting outside the windows. The huge shadow from the oak right outside was falling over Jack's back as he sat in an armchair, looking for Adam. He knew that the janitor was working today, he'd seen him earlier. Jack didn't like what he had to do. But he had no other choice, he was desperate.
Just when he was beginning to think that maybe he'd missed Adam, he saw him standing outside one of the supply closets next to the common room. He was opening the door and taking his trolley inside. Jack knew that this time Adam wouldn't look inside the common room. He wouldn't see Jack's need. So instead, Jack got up and made his way to the closet.
When he got there Adam was standing with his back to the door. Jack took a deep breath: he had to do this. So he took a step inside, and let out a small cough. Adam turned around and looked at him. First, there was surprise in his face. When he saw that it was Jack standing there, a smug smile lit up his features.
"Can't get enough of me now, can you?" Adam crossed his arms over his chest and his smile broadened.
Jack couldn't help but shudder before he was able to speak.
"I don't need papers this time."
"No?" There was some element of surprise in Adam's voice, but he was curious about what Jack would want this time.
"No. I need another favour. I need you to get me some clothes so that I can get out of here."
Adam raised his eyebrows in surprise.
"No way." He said and crossed his arms more firmly.
"You said that you helped the patients get what they needed."
"I do. But…"
"And I need to get out of here. I'll do anything."
Jack didn't like to say it, but he knew that it was the truth. He would do anything to get out of here. He needed to. But Adam just shook his head.
"No way, Jack. Sure, I help the patients. Extra food, drugs, papers, tools. Anything they need. But I do not help them to get out of here. That's for the doctors to do."
Jack could feel anger rising in him. This was not part of his plan. He clenched his fists to keep his brewing anger in check.
"I need you to do this for me," Jack said between clenched teeth. There was an underlying threat that he hoped that Adam would pick up on.
"I told you," Adam began and moved closer. "No."
By the last word he was standing mere inches away from Jack. His breath was hot against Jack's face. And the look in his eyes was the last straw for Jack. Without realising what he was doing, his clenched fists had made contact with Adam's jaw.
The sudden impact made Adam stumble backwards against the wall. His hand made its way to the jaw to soothe the pain.
"Fuck!" he spat as he looked over at Jack again, anger in his eyes. "Fuck. That hurt. You're in deep shit now, Harkness. Just you wait. You'll pay for that."
The adrenaline was pumping through Jack's body. His own heartbeats drowned out the words from Adam. He knew the tone, saw the anger. And he couldn't contain himself anymore. He threw himself at Adam. His fists connected with his jaw once more. Jack could feel blood dripping from Adam's lip. A weak punch hit him in the stomach as Adam tried to defend himself. Jack knew it was a hard punch, but he didn't feel it. He was too consumed with anger.
He hit again and again. There was a crunching sound and a muffled scream as his fist smashed into Adam's nose. Blood was streaming down the face and smearing onto Jack's knuckles. But he didn't care. All he cared about was causing as much damage as he could.
His fist made harsh contact with Adam's stomach and knocked all of the air out of him. A quiet whimper flew from Adam's lips as he fell to the ground. But Jack wasn't done. He bent down and grabbed Adam by the collar and pulled him up on to his feet again. He pushed Adam hard against the wall and pressed his arm hard against Adam's throat.
Jack paused for a few seconds, catching his breath. He looked at Adam and was met by a pathetic sight. A blood smeared face was looking back at him, and the panic in the eyes almost made Jack laugh. Instead, an evil smile made its way to his lips. Revenge was sweet. He pressed harder on Adam's throat, making him squeal from the lack of oxygen.
Jack's eyes went cold. He gathered all of his strength for a final attack. And without any warning he thrust his knee up into Adam's groin with all the power he could muster. A soundless scream escaped Adam as Jack let him go and he fell to the ground, his hands trying to protect his most valuable parts. Jack looked down on him and couldn't resist. He steadied himself against the wall and kicked Adam hard in the stomach. The rush of satisfaction flooded through him so he kicked again. And again. And again.
Then he stopped. He looked down on the pathetic excuse for a human lying in a crumpled heap on the floor. There were no movements coming from Adam, and for a second Jack got scared that he'd pushed it too far.
But then he saw a shallow breath heaving Adam's chest, and he let out a relieved sigh. No matter how much he hated the man, he did not want his blood on his hands. At least not more of it than he already had.
Jack felt his heart slow down, and the adrenaline left his body. And suddenly it hit him that he still needed to get out of here. He needed different clothes so that he could leave. He wouldn't get any help from Adam. And if he didn't hurry up his actions would come back and bite him in the ass, that he knew for sure.
He looked around and realised where he was. On every shelf in the supply closet lay clothes. This must be the closet where they keep the clean clothes. He let out a laugh. He'd been so preoccupied with Adam that he hadn't realised that all the things he needed lay just in front of him.
He quickly stripped out of the all white clothes that he was wearing, leaving him standing in just his boxers. He let his gaze wander over the shelves as he tried to figure out what clothes would draw the least attention to him. Finally, he decided on a pair of blue nursing pants and a neutral grey t-shirt. Since there were no shoes and he didn't have any of his own, he took the ones that Adam was wearing. Jack had to bite back a small groan of pain when he put them on; apparently Adam's feet were a few sizes smaller than Jack's. But he didn't care. He needed the shoes. Then he took a white coat that hung there, a coat just like the one the doctors had.
When he was done he wished that he had a mirror. He wanted to know if he looked like anything other than a patient. But as there wasn't a mirror present, he had to rely on the fact that he had other clothes. Now all he had to do was to find a way out of this place.
He shot one last look at Adam and wondered whether or not he was done with him. Adam's eyes were still closed and his breath shallow. So Jack decided that he was finished. And with that, he left the closet and closed the door behind him.
He looked around and was wondering where he should go now. He needed to get out, but he didn't think it was a good idea to use the front door. That might draw attention to him. And attention was the last thing he wanted at the moment.
Then he saw it. On the roof right in front of him hung a sign saying 'emergency exit'. He couldn't believe his luck. A remote exit was just what he needed right now. So he began walking in the sign's direction.
Soon he saw the exit. The descending sun shined through the windows on the door. And it was one of the most beautiful sights Jack had ever seen. He smiled and began walking towards it. Since he had left the closet he hadn't seen another person, and he was relieved. And soon he would be outside. Then he could walk away and leave this place.
Then suddenly the door next to the emergency exit opened and two men walked through. Jack's heart skipped a beat and he cursed himself for thanking his lucky stars too soon. The two men, doctors judging by their clothing, were talking amongst themselves so Jack prayed that they wouldn't notice him as they walked past each other.
They closed in on each other. Jack looked at the door in front of him, trying desperately to imagine how he would put his hand on the handle and open it. The two men still didn't look up. They passed, and Jack was just about to let out a relieved sigh when one of the men spoke.
"Excuse me?"
Jack swallowed hard and tried to keep his nerves in check.
"Yes?"
"Do you know if Doctor Smith is still in?"
Jack felt all the tension leaving him in a heart beat. He was safe.
"I think so."
"Great. I really need to see him."
"Then you should hurry. Just in case, I mean."
"Yeah."
Jack was just about to turn around as the other man spoke.
"Are you going home already? I thought your shift lasted another hour."
Jack cursed under his breath. Of course one of them had to question him working here.
"I know," Jack began, trying desperately to think of a reason for leaving early. "But it's an emergency. My kid is sick, and my wife is away on business."
The man looked at him for a second before smiling.
"Okay. Then you'd better hurry home. Can't have a sick kid waiting for too long."
"No. Have a nice evening," Jack said with a smile as he turned around.
"You too," the two men answered and headed deeper inside the building.
Jack let out a sigh and relaxed once more. He'd been lucky this time. But as he didn't want to test his luck any more, he hurried towards the door and opened it.
The faint sunlight stung in his eyes, but he didn't care. He loved the feeling. Once he got used to the lighting outside he saw that he stood in a parking lot. And just a few yards away, he saw the open gate that would lead him to freedom.
He knew that he was in the outskirts off Cardiff, and it was a long way to the apartment where he lived. He also knew that he didn't have any money, so he couldn't take a taxi. Then he looked around, and once again he realised that he was standing in a parking lot. There were cars everywhere. He smiled. He knew that he couldn't take just any car. He needed one that didn't draw any attention to it. One that would be almost invisible amongst all the others on the street.
So he strolled down the parking lot, carefully inspecting all of the cars. And soon he found the perfect car. It was an old Volvo. The painting was a dull blue, and the best part was that it didn't have any alarm.
Jack walked up to the car and felt the door. He let out a laugh as the door easily opened under his touch. And after a quick look around the area to see that he was alone he got into the car and hot-wired it. The engine began to purr like a cat and Jack smiled. He put it into reverse and left the parking spot. The car was easy to work with. And when Jack drove through the gate he felt more hope than he'd felt for days. He was finally getting to the bottom of this.
Owen sat in the kitchen and waited for the coffee to be ready. He had a headache, and he knew that it was because of his lack of caffeine during the day. All day he'd been thinking about his visit to Jack. He didn't like going behind Ianto's back, but this time he knew that he was right in doing so.
The phone's sudden ring made him moan as the pain flashed through his head. He hurried up and answered as he didn't want anymore shrill rings to come.
"Owen speaking."
"Hello, Owen," a woman said in the other end. "This is Doctor Jane Brody at Safe Haven. May I speak to Mr Jones?"
"Umm…"Owen began. The pain made it a bit hard for him to think. "I'm sorry. But he's not here. Can I take a message?"
"Do you know when he'll be back?"
"Nope. I have no clue. A few days, maybe."
There was a small sigh coming from the other end.
"Do you know where I can get hold of him?"
"Honestly? No." Owen began to feel irritated. Where was she going with all these questions? "He's gone to London with a co-worker. To some kind of spa. He needed to relax."
"And there's no way to get hold of him?"
"No. He wants to be left alone. Is there something I can help you with?"
Doctor Jane sighed again. And Owen had to concentrate to not let her know just how irritated he was becoming.
"Well, I guess I can tell you. It might concern you, too."
"It's something about Jack, isn't it?"
"Yes it is. He's run away."
"What?" Owen couldn't believe what he'd heard.
"About an hour ago Jack stole some clothes and a car, and ran away."
"I thought that your place was safe… That you could take care of him. He's sick!"
"I know. But he somehow managed to escape. And I have a feeling that he will come looking for Ianto."
"Why?"
"He's been upset for days because Ianto didn't show up last week. And I think that's the reason he left."
Owen sighed. This was not something he felt he had the time to deal with. But it was Jack they were talking about. Jack was his friend, so he had to do something.
"What do you want from me?" He finally asked.
"I want you to tell Ianto this as soon as you hear from him. And if you see Jack, please call me. If you do, I'll be there as fast as I can and pick him up."
"Is he dangerous?"
"No. He's just lost."
"Fine," Owen sighed. "I'll keep my eyes open."
"Thank you."
Owen closed his eyes and hung up. This was not something he wanted to worry Ianto with.
Just as he hung up, the door to the bathroom opened and Ianto came out, soaking wet from the hot shower.
"Who was that?" Ianto asked as he dried his hair.
"What?" Owen got temporarily confused.
"Who rang? Who was it?"
"No one," Owen answered, almost too quickly. "Just the wrong number."
"Okay."
Ianto made his way to the bedroom to put some clothes on.
"The coffee will be ready in a minute," Owen called after him and smiled.
Ianto answered something that Owen didn't hear, but he didn't mind. He got two cups from the cupboard and placed them next to the coffee machine.
He didn't know if he'd done the right thing by lying. But he knew that Ianto wasn't in a state to deal with an astray Jack. He needed his peace and quiet, and Owen would do anything to protect him. Whether Ianto wanted him to or not.
A few blocks away from the apartment, Jack pulled up by the side of the road and parked the car. He didn't want to drive all the way up to the apartment. If the car's owner found it, he didn't want it to be to clear that it was him who stole it in the first place. So he left the car, and closed the door behind him.
As the cool September air swept around him he couldn't help but shudder. It was a bit cold, and he wished that he'd had a thicker coat to put on. But as it was, he only had the doctor's coat that he had stolen from the closet.
He walked along the streets up to the apartment that he shared with Ianto. He hoped that Ianto would be home. At that thought, he couldn't help but smile. Oh, how he missed Ianto. And then they could work together to figure everything out.
A small breeze played across Jack's skin, and he shuddered once more. He put his hands in the coat's pockets and pulled his shoulders up. Anything to keep as warm as possible. He wondered if they'd found Adam yet. And if they had, did they know who had beaten him up? Did they know that Jack was missing? If they did know, had they called Ianto and told him? There were so many questions, and Jack had no answers. He hoped that they hadn't discovered yet that he was missing, but he couldn't be sure. All he hoped for was that they wouldn't find him before he'd found out the truth.
An hour later, Jack stood outside of the apartment building where he supposedly lived with Ianto. He'd been standing outside for almost half an hour, just watching the front door. He was nervous. He didn't know if he should just walk inside and take whatever happened, or if he should spend the night somewhere else and come back tomorrow so that he could see if Ianto was there or not.
One thing he'd discovered as he stood there was that there was a door code to enter, and he didn't know the code. Nor did he have a key to open the door with. So even if he decided to go inside, he didn't know how he should do that.
But despite his better judgement, he decided that he should get into the apartment. So he crossed the street and stopped outside the door. He didn't know if he should press the button to Ianto's apartment on the door phone, or if he should try someone else's. But he decided that firstly he should go with someone else's.
So he let his finger trail along the line of buttons, and finally pressed a random one.
"Yes?" A hoarse voice replied.
"I'm sorry to disturb you, sir." Jack said, and used his sweetest voice. "But I seem to have locked myself out. Could you please open the door?"
There came some muffled curses from the phone which made Jack smile. But soon there was a buzz coming from the door, and Jack thanked his lucky stars. He was just about to say 'thank you' to the man on the other end, but the phone had gone quiet.
So Jack went inside and looked around. It was a small entrance; just a door leading down to the basement and a staircase leading up to the apartments. He knew where he should go. In the papers he'd seen that he lived on the top floor. So he made his way up the stairs.
Soon he was standing outside the door on the third floor. On the door both his and Ianto's names hung on a small wooden sign. Jack smiled. The letters were carved into the wood, and black paint was used to let the letters really show. It was very neat, and so very much like Ianto.
Since Jack had no key, he didn't really know how to open the door. He felt the handle, and it was locked. Just as he had suspected. He could kick it down, but that would draw too much attention to him. So he decided against that. But a little idea came into his mind. He took the sign in his hands and turned it around. Then he let out a small chuckle. On the backside of the sign there hung a key on a small nail.
Jack took the key in his hand and put it in the lock of the door. It fitted. So he turned it around, and the door slowly opened. He was inside.
As the door opened more the closed-in air hit Jack in the face. And he could feel that no one had been there for a long time.
He walked in and turned on the light in the hallway. When he closed the door behind him, he almost tripped on the stack of commercials lying just beneath the door. That made him remember what Owen had told him earlier. Ianto hadn't been living here for almost ten months. He'd been living with Owen. Though that didn't become real for Jack until he stood in the apartment and saw it for himself. His chest felt heavy. And he could feel the tears getting stuck in his throat.
He walked deeper inside the apartment. When he entered a new room he turned on the light there, too. It was the living room. The light spread over the dusty furniture. Not a single item had been used for a long time. It was like time had stopped in there. Everything was untouched.
Slowly, he walked over to a shelf on the wall that was filled with pictures. To really see them he had to blow away the layer of dust covering the image. All the pictures were different. He saw numerous pictures of himself, Ianto, Owen, Tosh and Gwen on various places. They were all smiling. Then there were lots of pictures of just him and Ianto. Them riding on a carousel; them on the beach; them eating ice cream. All of them with such joy. Jack felt like crying. Was this real? Was this really the truth? Was this what he'd taken away from Ianto?
His eyes stopped on one picture. He took it in his hands and just looked at it. It was a picture of Ianto. He was wearing a beautiful black suit, a white shirt and a lovely red silk tie. It was during nightfall and Jack could see the Eiffel tower in the background. Ianto was looking straight into the camera. The small smile on his lips made his face light up. But it was his eyes that caught Jack's attention. They were so filled with emotion, so much love. Jack felt his eyes hurt, and before he knew it a tear fell down on to the glass.
He didn't know what was real or not, but he did know one thing. He was hurting Ianto. And he was hurting him badly. He hugged the picture tightly. First thing tomorrow he would begin to make this right. Ianto deserved as much.
Without putting the picture down he left the room and turned off the light. He didn't want to stay in that room anymore. He also turned off the light in the hallway and made his way to the bedroom. It was still early, but he was tired. It had been an eventful day and besides, he was used to going to bed early at the institution.
So he came into the bedroom and laid down on the big bed. He didn't bother to take his clothes off, and just curled up to a ball on top of the covers. He held the picture close.
He buried his nose in the pillow, and with some imagination he could smell the scent of Ianto still lingering in the fabric.
He closed his eyes and thought about how it would feel to once more have Ianto laying close, looking at him with those loving eyes. He missed it.
Tomorrow couldn't come soon enough.
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