This has been said from Chapter 1 – if you missed it as suddenly people are starting to read/review the story now. Please go and read it. It has been said: it might not have a HEA, there would be abuse, and dislike of characters.

Take a read of the note in Chapter 1 to remind yourself what you are getting into.

WARNING:

You will not like this Chapter. So be warned!

Anyways moving on. I was going to change it to appease people, but honestly I know what is going on, what's going to happen and I can't really change it. So…

Be warned.

If you don't want, don't read. I'm warning you!

You have been warned.

That is all.

Chapter 13

December 2001

Bella is 18

Edward is 23

Alice finds Bella. "Hey you, where have you been?"

"Hi" Bella smiles.

"Are you okay?" Alice looks at her friend with an intense stare; her eyes look slightly dark and sunken in. "You look thin"

"No" Bella shake her head. "I'm okay, just busy" It has been 2 weeks. School is slowing down for the upcoming Christmas break, which causes her to slow down.

Alice smiles. "So the word on the street" Alice laughs lightly at her street talk. "Riley says you blew him off for the second date" She makes a face. "He is a nice guy"

"I've been really busy Alice" She doesn't want to talk about Riley, he was months ago, she doesn't want to talk about anything.

"Heard anything from your school?"

"I won't until after March, at least"

"True" Alice is excited to go to University and move out. Her parents are great, but she is ready to become an adult. "How is Edward, are you two speaking yet?"

"I have to go" She feels slightly ill right now.

"Oh, okay" Alice smiles watching Bella walk away.

There was not a place in the house Bella wouldn't go. But now she stays at the cottage. Even the lake is barely a thought. The thought of feeling safe is no longer there. She doesn't feel safe therefore she is not going to go throughout the Masen Manor. She is never going into the library again.

"I just don't know Edward" Charlie speaks into the phone. He and Edward are rather close. That boy is a good man, Charlie is well aware that Edward has had it hard. His parents are difficult. He works for them and can see that. He can't really imagine what it was like for Edward growing up with them. Esme tries but not hard enough, not hard enough for her child. "I know you both are going through something, and I don't want to, well I don't want to butt in but" He knows Edward and Bella kind of drifted apart, he doesn't know the ins and outs but he does know this.

"I understand, Charlie…when did she start…"

"Behaving like this, I don't know I think, maybe 3 weeks ago…I wish I knew, I wasn't paying attention"

"You are a wonderful father" Edward says quickly resting Charlie's thoughts aside. "The best father I have ever known"

"Please call her; I know you will be home soon" He knows this is Edward's last year on his two year degree and this is crunch time, but he is not sure what to do about Bella. She looks like she has lost weight. She is tired all the time. He doesn't know what happened.

"Yeah" In a week's time he will be back in New York…he is sure Bella can hold off until then.

"I am sure you have exams, but" Charlie rubs his chin. "I am sort of worried"

"I know you are" He knows Charlie wouldn't have called if he wasn't really worried.

"She just seems to be so different"

"Okay, I'll call her tomorrow"

"Thank you"

Bella lies in bed, school is out for Christmas break and she loves not having to go into school, loves not having to leave her bed. Or see anyone.

Jacob barges into her room.

Screaming a short pitch scream while sitting up from the shock she sees it is only Jacob.

"Hey, crazy"

"Jake get out" Bella demands.

"What?"

"Please, um please get out" Her legs swing over the end of the bed and she rests her feet on the floor. Sitting she looks at her legs.

"I thought you would be happy to see me" He frowns.

"Oh, yes" She nods quickly. "Um" Licking her lips she forces a smile.

"I see you are busy…I'll catch up with you later" Jacob looks at her and then walks out of her room shutting the door.

"Bells phone" Charlie pokes his head into her room. "Why are you still in bed?"

"Tired, I guess" Crawling out of bed she walks to the phone in the living area where her father has it up. "Hello?"

Charlie smirks to himself and leaves their shared perfect cottage.

"Bella, hey"

"Edward?"

"Yeah, hi" He smiles upon hearing her voice.

"Wh-why are you calling me?" Tears leak from her eyes. Everything just hurts.

"Well, Charlie was worried about you"

It clicks. Her heart clenches. She aches for him, his comfort what they share, shared when they were growing up. How she could lean on him, count on him. She aches for it now.

'Damn' He curses himself, Charlotte is looking at him and he didn't think. She is getting them packed as they are leaving in a few days to spend Christmas with his family.

"I should go"

"Wait, wait, I"

"You didn't want to talk to me"

"I did, listen"

"I'm tired, good night" Bella hangs up the phone and walks almost zombie like to her room and crawls back into bed. She couldn't really let go after it happened because school is so demanding and it kept her together. School being out is causing her to fall apart. There is nothing to keep her busy and mind from wandering right now.

Edward Sr. hugs Charlotte. "My dear don't you look lovely, she looks lovely right Esme?"

"Lovely" Esme hugs Charlotte. "Was the trip alright?"

"It was great, everything looks amazing" Charlotte says looking around the large home.

"We waited for you both to arrive to decorate the tree" Esme smiles. "Leave your bags; I'll get someone to get them"

Edward looks around his home. His eyes meet his father's for a moment.

"Where is she?" Edward is in the servant's area.

"What are you doing here?" Jacob makes a face and questions.

"Where is Bella?" He doesn't even acknowledge Jacob's questions because this is his house.

"I don't know I haven't really seen her since I got home"

"Why?"

"You are concerned I haven't seen Bella, normally your-uninterested-in-her-self is concerned when I do see her" Jacob stares at Edward. "Make up your mind with her will you"

"I am not discussing this with you, thanks for your time" Edward walks past him. He heads out; he grabs a golf cart and drives over to where Charlie is working.

"Edward, hi" Charlie smiles, he knew Edward was back for the holidays today, but he is shocked to see him today.

Edward is no stranger to spending time working with Charlie. He is no stranger to the cottage. "Is she at the cottage?"

"Not sure"

"Lake maybe?"

"She hasn't been to the lake in weeks" Charlie rubs his hands together. "It's frozen yet she hasn't been skating"

"Really?"

"Yeah" Charlie nods.

"I'll check the library"

"Not there either"

"What?"

"Not like her right?" Charlie nods pretty much saying 'see I am telling you'.

"No, not at all" Edward frowns. "I'll find her"

Charlotte runs into Edward on his way out the door and grabs his arm. "Honey, your parents want to have tea"

"I need to find…"

"Now" Charlotte pulls his arm down and presses a kiss to his mouth.

"I really need to go find Bella"

"Bella, that girl who lives here?"

"Yes, I'll" Edward holds her face. "Just keep it between us"

"Oh" She says as he presses a kiss to her mouth.

"Please?"

"Okay"

Esme smiles and pours the tea. "What could be more important?"

"I don't know" Charlotte lies.

Edward Sr. looks at Charlotte knowing where his son is.

Edward runs through the thick snow to the lake and stops suddenly looking around the white.

He spots her standing next to the large tree bundled up warm. Walking over he looks at her leaning on the tree. "Bella"

Turning to his voice she looks at him.

"Hey I've been looking for you" Edward says coming closer and laying his eyes on her. "Are you okay?" Edward grips her face lightly and kind of tips her head back like he is takes stock of each contour of her face. His thumbs touch her cheeks.

"Let me go" She whispers softly there is no energy left right now. She wants to be alone. She knew he was coming home, and just wanted to be alone. It is cold; she didn't think he would be out here. She assumed he would be bundled at the house with his family.

Dropping his hands to his sides he stares at her. "You look ill"

"Thank you"

"I don't mean it like that"

"I'll go" She swallows hard moving to walk past him.

"Wait a second I came to see you"

"Did my father send you?"

"Bella, it wasn't like that before" He always wants to talk to her. But he doesn't want to send her mixed messages. He has pushed her away for her own good and can't keep tugging on her like a yo-yo. He needs her but he can't do it.

The feeling in her chest tightens. "I am tired". 'I'm angry, I'm hurting' Her head screams at him. But she remains quiet.

"It is 2 in the afternoon"

She looks at him and walks right past his body.

Jacob walks in and sees her lying on her bed. He slowly lies down next to her stretching out next to her curled up body.

Bella says nothing. She doesn't even move an inch, her eyes are open, and she saw him come in.

"I think Masen and I are finally coming to terms, or something"

She can't very well shut her ears to him.

"He is worried about you; I am worried about you, what happened with you?"

Bella shuts her eyes, she is very tired.

"Get up, you love this season" Jacob demands. If anyone thinks they get excited about Christmas, they haven't met Isabella Swan.

There is a slight tightening in her chest, he does care about her.

Turning over Jacob spoons her and slowly, lightly rests and arm over her body. "You can tell me, what's happened?"

"Nothing" Bella whispers out, she turns suddenly into his body and buries her head down.

Jacob sort of freezes and then wraps his arms around her.

Edward looks at Jacob, licking his lips he waits.

"I hate tag teaming with you, or sharing anything because I think you are wrong man"

"Fine, I am wrong, you know it I know it, are we done yet?"

"Yeah, we're done"

"Is she okay?"

Jacob shrugs. "I don't know, she is just not herself, I am not sure if there is anything which caused it or just her changing"

"Something caused it" Edward says with conviction. Thinking a moment he looks back at Jacob. "Thank you"

"You don't deserve her, I hate that she is in love with you"

"She isn't in love with me" Edward says making a face. They love each other, but she is not in love with him.

"Yes she is, has been since she was little, you are just too stupid to notice" Edward says walking away.

"Oh" Charlotte grins hugging him. "It is so beautiful"

Edward smiles and kisses her lightly. "Glad you like it"

"I love it" She grins. "Put it on me" She holds out the necklace for him to place around her neck. Turning her lifts her blonde hair up out of the way.

Edward frowns fiddling with the clasp. "There" He watches her turn around slowly.

"How do I look?" She does a little bounce with a cheeky grin.

"Wonderful" He smiles at her, he sees her but for some reason he doesn't see her.

Charlie pushes a wrapped gift towards Bella.

Looking at her father she says nothing before she takes the gift. "What is this?"

"It is Christmas…if you didn't notice" Charlie says arching his eye brows.

"I did, Merry Christmas dad"

"Well open it" Charlie smiles. He got his daughter a leather notebook/journal for her 18th birthday to jot down the notes of life pretty much. "It's not much"

Bella opens the gift somberly. "You always say that" Bella says softly. "But it is always" She meets her father's eyes. "Wonderful"

"You are wonderful" Charlie says to his daughter.

January 2002

Bella is 18

Edward is 23

"I know you think I don't care about you, god knows Jacob does" Edward speaks, he is not sure if she is actually listening. He and Charlotte are flying out this afternoon. He is stealing a few moments with her in her room.

Bella lifts her eyes to meet with his.

"I do, you just" Edward looks her over. "I care about you"

"Have a safe trip Edward" Bella forces a smile. Being near him without being his friend is hard, and she is just tired of trying, she tried and tried and failed each time. Now she just doesn't care to try, or give anything.

"Don't do this"

"Do what?"

"Stop being like this, like you don't care" His voice rises with each word.

"Like what, what do you want me to say, don't go, please stay, I love you?" Bella stops and looks at him. "Everything hurts and I know you can make it better, is that what you want to hear?"

Edward looks at her. "Why does everything hurt?"

Lowering her eyes for a moment she pauses not able to form the words, not sure if she can form the words.

"Why?" Edward pushes just enough before he pulls back.

"He raped me"

"What, who…Jacob?"

Bella stares at him, shocked that his first thought is Jacob. "No" She sighs out. "Your father"

"What?"

"Right after my birthday, in the library…I didn't" She feels it coming with ease as she speaks.

"Stop it" Edward demands staring at her with slightly hateful eyes. "Why would you say something like this?" His father is a hard man, a hard father, but he is not a monster. Monsters' rape and hurt people. His father just wants the best for him; he knows this is why he has been so hard on him, forcing the best from him. His parents have been so kind to Bella and Charlie. By putting her through private school and have plans to pay for her college. He reckons she will get a scholarship if she applied for one anyway.

"What?" The mental slap in the face shocked her.

"I-I, I know we have had a hard time…but why would you be so cruel?" Edward stares at her shocked, and hurt. There are a lot of things going on with him, inside him right at this moment. He can't figure out up from down or left from right as he stands looking at her.

"I'm not, I needed to tell you"

"Bella, I was doing everything for you, and you say this, I know you don't understand what and why, but it was for you" He tells her, his voice dripping with hurt. "I'm sorry you couldn't see that, but to say, for what, what reason?" He pushed her away for her own good, Charlie's good, when he only ever wanted to be close to her, share like they used to. The memories that fill the years are enough to circle the world twice over. He wanted that all this time, and he could see an end to the distance between them. He was waiting for it with bated breath. He could touch it. But hearing this. It has knocked him off side.

"Edward" She whispers his name; she would never have told him if she thought he would look at her with such hate. Licking her lips she looks away. "It happened"

"Stop it, just stop"

"How can I stop, I can't stop thinking about what he did to me"

Edward stares at her; he turns around and walks away, leaving her standing there.

Yes it is okay to hate Edward now. But no matter how shitty his dad has been to him, and he knows it, that is his father. Sometimes it is hard to see right away. But he will get there, sooner rather than later not to worry! *which is an odd statement I know*

OKAY since you made it to the end:

Teaser!

Chapter 14

June 2002

Bella is 18

Edward is 24

"Screw you Edward, just, I'm done" She throws her hands up and turns to go before she is roughly pulled back again. "Ooo stop" She shoves him. "Stop it"

"If you want me to give you something that will make you go, make everything I have done worth something tell me, what do you want, a kiss, sex, what?"

"You make me sick" She shoves him away as he holds her close around her body pressing her against him.

Edward doesn't even feel her rough assault as he just stares at her. "Bella, take the money"

"No" She wants nothing more from the Masen's. Nothing.

"Just take it, go to school far away if you want, but take his money" Pushing her away, staying away from her so that she will get the best will all be for nothing. Nothing, if she doesn't take his parents money and go off to school and become something amazing. He knows she will be.

She feels like a common whore, taking his money as a repayment for the sex he took. She wants to laugh at it all. And cry. Turning her head away as she is still against him, his arm around her body. "When I do" She sniffs.

Edward looks at the top of her head.

"I'm not coming back"

"If that's what would make you happy"

"It is" She admits. She wants to be far away, her father will be fine, Jake will be fine, she will never have to see Mr. Masen again, and Edward, well he has always been fine without her.

Edward holds his arm around her body still, holding her close; he can feel her silent sobs erupt in her body. He is not sure he would be happy without knowing she is at Masen Manor, or will be back during vacations there.

"Let me go" She says, not just her body he is holding but everything he has of her.

"Bella"