Hope you enjoy this chapter! This time I tried to update on schedule, enjoy!
Chapter 13: Irrational
"What do you mean, Jack is here?" I question, peaking my head out of the curtains. She playfully widens her eyes at me while pursing her lips.
"I'm going to go hangout with Will, wish me luck. Hopefully I get laid." She jokes and I give a weak laugh nodding my head at her. She exits the bathroom and worry spreads throughout my body. Why am I so worried? It's not like I did anything wrong. All I did was get coffee early this morning with Four and ignored his call. . . damn, that sounds bad. I let out a sigh cutting off the water, I get out of the shower drying off and then lotion down. I put my Pink brand undergarments on and I put on a pair of Adidas leggings with a black shirt. I blow-dry my hair briefly and leave it down in natural curls. I exit the steamy bathroom and see that Jack is nowhere to be found.
I put on some deodorant and put on my black and white Nike jacket since it's freezing in here, I put on some fluffy socks and go out into the living room where Jack sits on the couch a cup in front of him, "Hey." I say, my own voice sounding not like myself. Don't tell on yourself Tris. . . but, it's not like I had sex with the guy. Actually far from that.
"Hey babe," He says standing up, he walks towards me placing his rather small hands on my shoulder and leans down pressing a kiss to my lips, lingering a bit. He pulls away and smiles at me, at least he's not mad. "I tried calling you, you didn't reply. I got worried." Something tells me otherwise.
"Oh," I say raising my eyebrows as he sits down on the couch, grabbing my waist and pulling me down to sit on his lap, "I got out of work late this morning, and then Four was there so he asked if I wanted to go get coffee with him." I say and he furrows his dark brown eyebrows at me.
"I'm assuming that you went." He says sounding rather upset.
"You assumed right." I slide off of his lap and I place my back on the arm of the love seat, pulling my legs up to my chest. "Don't be mad, it was just coffee from the 24-hour Starbucks. It's not like we had sex or anything. We can barely do that." I mutter under my breath, messing with the strings of my leggings.
"I mean, you went out with Four, at a Starbucks for coffee. That is one of the 'hottest' boys, that's what the girls say. I should feel some type of way. I am your boyfriend." The hurt in his voice is evident. "You could have at least picked up your phone and told me."
"I didn't know you were up." I defend myself.
"I called you."
"You can check my phone log, I didn't realize that it was missed until later." I lie, that's because I ignored it. I sigh when I see him staring at the corner of the room, twisting his hair in his hand while his arm rest on the arm rest of the sofa, "Don't be mad at me, you can't be irrational about it." I tell him leaning over, I grab his face and press my lips against his.
"I'm not mad," He says sounding. . . mad.
"I know you're mad. There will be many boys in the future and so will there be with boys. We can't stop life." I tell him pressing multiple kisses on his lips, he soon smiles into the kiss and kisses me back leaning over further and further until I am laying on my back with him hovering over me.
"When will Christina be back?" He asks as my heart pounds into my chest, why is this boy so fixed into getting into my panties? I don't want to have sex right now dude! He starts kissing down my neck and slowly starts unzipping my jacket and I shiver from the cold air.
"Jack I'm cold." I whine as he presses kisses all over my sternum, I can't help but to let out the smallest moan, "I don't know when she will be back." I grab his shoulders, wishing that Christina would barge into here right now.
"I'll be quick." He kisses my lips and swipes his tongue in my mouth. I pull away from him furrowing my eyebrows, wanting him to get off of me.
"Jack, I don't want me loosing my virginity to be quick. I want it to be slow. . . I want it to happen when it happens and I don't want it to happen now." I say and he gets off of me, pissed and dissapointed. "Why must you always be angry with me? We just solved something, and now we are getting upset at each other again." I say and think of a solution. There's always breaking-up with him, or kicking him out. . . no, I still like him. We have been going out for a month and three weeks. . . almost two months.
"You know," I say with my voice low, my hand running over his chest. "There's always substitutes for sex." I say licking my lips. He looks at me, his eyes a shade darker. I nod my head at him, I lean over and press my lips against his my heart threatening to jump out of my chest of thoughts what I am about to do. I have to do this. . . for our relationship. His hands run through my hair and he sighs against my lips. I slide off of the couch glancing at the front door hoping that Christina won't come in. . . hopefully, she is getting laid which gives me time. I get on my knees, breathing hard my heart demanding out of my chest. I am so scared, this is totally a sacrifice.
"Now, this is my first time." I warn him as he helps me unbutton his pants, I gulp when I see his enlarged member standing up from his boxers. I pull them down and instantly want to scream, cover my eyes, and run away far from this room.
"It's okay." He places my hands on his member, "I'll help you."
I lay on my bed, under my covers hiding away from the world that now probably looks at me as a dirty girl. I swear, I am turning so. . . not, innocent. Jack left ten minutes ago and Christina never came back. I skipped lunch and decided to eat here, I'm surprised that I could keep it down from having half of that stuff go down my throat that came out his body. My mom called mid time of me blowing Jack and I nearly had a heart-attack. I was so scared and turned on at the same time while doing that to him. . . he seemed to enjoy it and practically begged me to let him return the favor but I was just ready for him to leave and me to never address what I just did to him. I was so embarrassed since I nearly gagged in front of him.
It feels like if I let these covers off of me and I walk out of this room, people would look at me disgusted of what I did. . . man, this is what I wanted. . . to not be innocent and this is what I got. . . this feeling is horrible.
"Damn, why is it so dark in here?" I her Christina asks with a giggle and then I hear the front door being slammed. "Tris?" She calls out and then I see the light get cut on from under the covers.
"I know you aren't sleeping." She pulls the covers back and smiles at me, sitting on the bed, "What's wrong? You're sick?" All of the playfulness fall out of her voice replacing it with concern, her eyebrows knitting together.
"No," I tell her sitting up on the bed, taking the hood of my jacket off.
"Well, your cheeks are red." She places her cold hands on my flushed cheeks.
I push her hand away, "I'm not sick." I mutter.
"Then, what's wrong?"
I shake my head.
"Do you want to talk about it, I promise that it wouldn't leave this room." She holds out her pinky and I nod my head, taking in a deep breath nodding my head. I hook my finger to her pinky one and let out another sigh.
"I gave Jack a blowjob."
She gasps, her eyes twinkling, "Really? That's great! You are breaking out of your shell!" She pokes me in the side laughing, "Why is that so bad?"
"I mean. . . it was my first time and I really didn't want to do it. He was pissed because of the Four thing, and then got mad because I declined him about having sex. . . I'm not ready yet Christina, I'm just not ready to loose my virginity. If doing something as simple of blowing him made me want to crawl in a hole and die. Imagine if I loose my virginity, I am moving off of campus. I felt the need to do that to save our relationship so he wouldn't get mad at me and want to leave me. He would get bored with me. . . and, I don't want that. It feels like I always have to please him and I know for a fact that I'm not supposed to feel like that in this relationship and he shouldn't either. . . .it's complicated." I let out a sigh.
"Well, I know that you don't want to break up with him. Just let him know how you really feel, set him down and let him know every detail. If he's a good boyfriend then he should understand." She smiles at me and I return it, she rubs her hand up and down my shoulder. "Now, childish Christina wants to break in. How was it? Was he big? Did you gag? Did you puke? Did you swallow or spit?" All of these questions come flying out of Christina's mouth that I can't even comprehend.
"Uh. . . only because I trust you I can tell you. . . but, you can't tell anyone!" I tell her and she nods her head at me, promising that she wouldn't tell anyone, "Well, It was decent except how I feel now. He's a bit over average but I really don't know what size would average be. I didn't gag, almost, I didn't puke and what do you mean if I swallowed or spit?"
She gives me a look and it dawns on me, before she could open her mouth I stop her, "Almost."
"Almost swallowed?"
"Yeah," My cheeks turn a deeper shade of red, "I tried spitting but too much came out. . . this is disturbing. Lets go get dinner." I cut her off and she starts squealing, I put on some shoes and I grab my badge for lunch and I follow her out of the dorm.
"Miss Prior." I hear Mrs. Matthew's voice, I turn around to see her and Mr. Roy standing there. A pit falls down in my stomach, why do they need to talk to me. I didn't do anything. "Mr. Roy and I were doing our daily sweep around the hallways and I saw Mr. Gilinsky leaving your room." She raises her eyebrows at me. I can just feel Christina smiling like an idiot.
"Well, he was, picking up some work. I helped him in some departments." I say and Christina coughs making my cheeks.
"Alright," Mr. Roy nods his head looking beyond pissed, "Just remember the rules." He says brushing past us. Christina and I hold back our laughter as we get into the elevator going down to the canteen.
sorry for the chapter not being long, didn't have a lot of time. Hope you still enjoyed! Tried to stay on schedule and tsk, tsk, tsk Tris. Don't pressure her Jack, more fourtris scenes to come. Oh, and thank you for the amazing reviews and follows. I greatly appreciate your input.