Disclaimer: Cb is not mine and never will be. sadly Oh man I wish it was though.
NOTE: Ok this is, well I dunno, might be the last chapter. So read on. VT
Chapter 13
Ya know what they say about thirteen, unlucky
In an endless rain of bullets she fought, she didn't care, she didn't feel, and she didn't think. It was the simple, it was that understandable, and it was that easy. She could pretend it all wasn't real, pretend it all wasn't happening, and she could just forget because soon she wouldn't be able to help but forget.
"Why do you fight?" The woman cried over the sounds of firing and shouts. Faye hid behind parts of the rubble of the wall the grenade had blown. She could hear behind her useless screams of children and women as the men ushered them out of the violent building.
She reached into her trench coat and pulled out twin guns and began firing without thought, only primal instinct of precision and accuracy. She saw blood, felt it run down her face, arms, shoulders, and legs, and through red she saw ten men fall to their deaths. Then she was crouching down behind the pile of rubble again, cursing and gasping for breathe through the pain. Damn her to hell if she was going to be taken out so easily.
She could taste it, smell it, feel it. In the end it all came down to it. Blood. In the end that was what it was all about, the longing and aching for it, the death and life, and weakness and power in it. One died because of it, and one lived to spill it. It was part of human nature and it was part of her, and it was part of the world she was going to escape. How ironic she loose the only thing tying her to the world, tying her to a physical plain that would throw her to the dogs if it could.
She didn't know where she had been shot, all she knew is she was still alive and living through the pain. She was alive to fight, she was alive to save Jet, and she was alive only to die.
"Let's go for it," she said to herself as she pulled out her rifle and jumped from the rubble as she fired and ran towards the woman and Jet.
She could see the two in an automatic version of slow motion. She was getting there, she was almost there, she could almost reach them and bullets were shattering bones, skin, muscles before she made it. But then she was there, and shooting at the woman who dodged and hit her in the stomach with her foot.
The firing had stopped as Faye dropped the rifle and began a deadly battle that would choose life or death in the end. The woman was angry, filled with rage as she picked Faye up and slammed her into the wall, slammed her into the other wall, and threw her to the ground. Every movement was marked, was sought to kill, hurt, and damage.
Faye could feel bones crack, blood spill, and pain rip through her as she cried out, not meaning to and filled with shame because she had. The dress ripped around her shoulders and tore as concrete grabbed for the precious material. She jumped up, through it all in a shower of blood, in a shower of anguish greater than physical wounds. "Fuck you, I'll kill you before you win this game, Faye hissed through clenched teeth as her heart filled her eyes, her hate emerged from it's darkest regions.
The woman smiled and laughed. "What game, Faye? The game of life and death?" She charged as Faye ducked and hit her hard under the ribs. The woman went sprawling but was up in an instant. Her reflexes were catlike and acute, fierce and gently dangerous.
"The game of my heart, bitch!" Then Faye charged, smacking her across the face, hitting her in the ribs, kicking her in the stomach, punching her in the chest, kicking her again, and punching her in the face, backing her into a wall where the woman's back repeatedly hit up against the wall with the force of Faye's blows. She let her anger flow into everything she did, let her rage and betrayal and shame rocket through her fists and into a helpless body that could do nothing but gasp and choke blood.
"Damn you! It's all your fault!" Faye could feel the scolding tears as they ran down her face and scarred her soul. She grabbed the woman by the neck and threw her up against the wall as a flood of emotions emptied themselves in violence and cost Faye her sanity over life for an instant. She looked down as the woman began to choke. "You ruined the only good thing in my life. The only good thing I remember feeling!" Faye screamed with hot headed tears of frustration, pain, anguish, self hatred, and uncertainty. She could feel sobs rip her throat unbearably as she let the full force of Spike's betrayal and her decision hit her and tear her soul apart. How could she have been so stupid as to let him back in her heart? It was her fault for letting herself think things had changed. But Faye didn't want to blame herself so she blamed the next best person. "I believed in something, I believed in happiness and you fucking stole that away!" Faye's face looked up and stared at the choking woman in her grasp as she hissed out every word meant for her own life as well as for the woman's. It was all her fault, all her stupid fate that had made Spike betray her. Faye wished he would have stayed dead to her to make the pain in her heart stop.
She choked on tears.
She stared into the woman's eyes. Blue eyes wide, different colors, just like his...
She dropped the woman to the floor, who had only stared at her blankly without one choking sound, or plea for help.
Faye wanted to die. She didn't care, she never cared. But she felt so tired, so sad, so heart broken that if the woman killed her slow or fast it didn't matter. Nothing mattered, nothing was nothing and she couldn't make into something. She'd only tried to only fail.
Failing was the worst part of trying. It was the worst part of giving it your all only to watch it crumble at your feet.
She stared at her dirty and blood soaked hands. All her own, all her pain, all her sorrow and all her life lay before her. She could end it...She could say good-bye forever...
"Faye.." She heard the voice, so soft and comforting. She looked up.
Jet stood uneasily as he stared at her through dazed eyes. His face so bruised and beaten, his whole body mangled and mercilessly broken. She ran to his side as he almost collapsed.
"Leave me," he muttered.
She could feel his sadness, his shame, his utter self hatred for letting everything happen the way it did. But it wasn't his fault, it wasn't anyone's because life played games like that and there was no one to blame except for life itself.
"I can't, Jet. I won't." Her voice was soft as she began walking him towards the door. She didn't care about the men who were cocking their guns ready to fire, she didn't care about the woman she'd left behind. She cared about loyalty, friendship, all that Spike had failed to give, all that she had failed to realize he lacked. And even that she only thought she cared about. She only cared because she knew she was supposed to.
Then she felt the sting in her shoulder and she stopped for only a moment as she kept walking towards the door, Jet's weight slowly getting heavier. She caught the glance of the tranquilizer dart sticking out from her shoulder but ignored it. Her only thought was Jet's safety. She grabbed her pistol in her pocket as she took it out and pulled back the hammer while supporting Jet with the other. She had to get ready to fight, had to get ready to risk a life that wasn't worth risking.
The road before her seemed longer, tougher, as her pace slowed, as the drug worked it's way into her system, but she kept walking, kept seeing that distant dream that wasn't getting any nearer.
"Faye, let me go, run before the drug knocks you out." Jet whispered in her ear as if it were painful. But she couldn't hear him all she heard in her mind was the voice of loyalty and confidence, and then she began to run. His weight was nothing, she could feel the adrenaline pass through her like an intoxicating perfume that overrode anything.
She let him fall at the feet of a running man who only stooped and looked into her eyes to understand. Take him, and get the hell out.
Then she was running back, pistol in hand as she focused on the figure who stood waiting for her.
"Die, Ayutora." She said as she moved her hand up and aimed. The world blurred as she fired and then fell to the ground in dead blackness.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Who are you, Faye?"
I don't know, and I don't care. Go away. She was in a tight ball as she floated in a blue clear ocean that allowed her to breath and float in the water. Beautiful exotic fish passed her as she floated in a fetal position waiting for the end of time in the endless blue. Please, it had to come soon. Time was running out for her because time had always been against her.
"Faye."
What? She felt her eyes open as she looked around, looking for something to help her escape the voice in her head. All she saw was endless blue- perfect, unchanging, clear.
"You love him."
I don't. He betrayed me once, he betrayed me twice, he will betray me again. She felt something hit her as a beating heart warmed her and longed to bring her back. No, she thought. Stop the heart that doesn't want to beat, stop the pain that never wanted to be felt. Stop the trusting so innocent that it couldn't help but be destroyed.
"You love him despite everything. Why can't you see that he is part of who you are whether you hate him or love him?" The voice sounded so pleading, so knowing. "Hate and love both come from the hear, both effect the person feeling them."
Faye was tired, she didn't want to talk about it anymore. Didn't have the heart to fight it anymore. Leave me alone, go away. I don't care what the hell you think, what the hell you want. I want to go to sleep forever, escape my problems, and leave you the fuck behind!
Then she felt it, coldness, emptiness, sorrow like she never felt before. And then the anger, the rage that boiled inside her and around her, one that caused her to scream and cry out for mercy and patients. Memories filled the water around her as it seethed for truth in all the lies she ever lived. "I don't want to hide anymore, Faye!" The voice cried. "I don't want to be pushed down in your subconsciousness anymore. I'm here, I'm part of you, live with it because I am coming out!" The water around Faye was becoming unbearably hot and she found she couldn't breathe anymore. She couldn't talk.
"I am tried of it all, all your shit, your pride. Stuff it and swallow it because things happen that will change you forever but you inside will never die if you don't stop being brave. Stop being a coward and stop hiding in coldness, and fake emptiness. Embrace what you can, forget what you can't." The voice had become so much softer now. The water calmer as the memoires embraced her, embraced the feelings he gave to her unselfishly. How could he love her and betray her? How could he want her and give her away?
What do you want? Faye managed. Tears soaked her face, separate from the water around her as memories of short lived kisses and passion surged in their salty depths.
"To live."
Spike turned and smiled. "Hey there, old man. How's it going?" He sat down in the chair next to the bed.
There you go again, hiding the pain I know is there. You messed up bad and it wasn't your fault. Jet knew the look of fake happiness in his friend's eyes all too well. "A few broken ribs here and there, a few sores, but hey I'm better than ever. Could you pass the water over here?"
Spike grabbed the pitcher and poured some, handing it gingerly to his friend who took it and gulped in one swallow. It felt so good to have water, to have something soothing your throat. "How'd you know I was here?" Jet rubbed a bandaged hand over his bandaged head, not expecting to feel the coarse layers of cloth over his smooth hairless globe. He stared at his hand as if noticing the wrap for the first time.
He was so happy to be alive. But his life for Faye's...It didn't seem quite fair.
"Diandre, a friend of mine, told me a man named Jet Black was shipped to the local hospital. She recognized the name..." He wanted to say from his thoughts when she read them but didn't want to confuse Jet so he stopped there. "Well, man, you look like shit." Spike joked around and touched Jet's shoulder reassuringly, veering off the subject. "But it's only a matter of time before we're off bounty hunting again like the old days, right?"
Jet smiled at the thought. To have everything like it was before...He let his mind be persuaded out of the dark thoughts for an instant. "Yeah, just like the old days. And this old man is the one who repairs all the damn scratches you put on your ship so I would be nice to him if I were you"
"But you're not me," Spike said smiling impishly. Then he looked at his feet and looked up at Jet for forgiveness. "Uh but we'll have to find a new ship.." Spike rubbed his head and laughed uneasily.
Jet's voice could be heard through the whole hospital as he sat straight up and knocked over all the equipment he was hooked up to. "WHAT?!" He grabbed Spike's collar and began to shake him despite the pain in his whole body. "What the hell happened? The Bebop, you're kidding right? Uahhh, it can't be, no!!' Jet was rambling.
Spike's eyes shone with bitter memories.
"Ed's dead." The words dropped like bullets.
Jet stopped, paused with a feeling of numbness and set Spike down as the green haired man got up and stared at the window.
"How?" he felt his whole heart go hollow. Ed...
"She was in the ship when it was destroyed." Spike turned away from the window and stared up at Jet with serious eyes of brutality. "Do you know where Faye is?"
Jet could see something glimmer in Spike's eyes as he said the woman's name. "She's gone." Jet couldn't find a better way to describe it. Faye's eyes lingered in his mind, her determination, her sorrow, her pain. "She's changed."
"Yeah," Spike said as he gathered his coat and began walking towards the door.
"You've changed." Jet could see the way Spike's back tightened, the way his shoulders sagged.
Spike looked over his shoulder and stared at his friend from the corner of his eye, the same look he gave when Jet asked about Julia a few months ago. Then Spike smiled and brushed the sadness away. "Get better, Jet. We need to start working out a way to get a new ship." Then he left and closed the door softly.
"Be careful, Spike. Last time you cared for a girl you died trying to save her. Don't make that mistake again." He sighed and sat back, then he began to weep. "My ship..." he sobbed.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Spike walked into the ruins of the back hallway of the theater. Blood soaked the walls, bodies scattered the floor like forgotten paper as police searched the area for clues.
Any of that blood could have been hers, any of that blood could have been death, any of that blood could have been an innocent bystander's. Had he failed Faye again by choosing to go after Ed instead of her? Spike sighed as a police woman came up to him and told him roughly he was not permitted on the premises.
"FBI," he said as he opened his wallet and flashed his Red Dragon badge that looked like an FBI's. The woman nodded then went back to work as he was permitted to walk around freely.
"Faye," he muttered her name as if it would bring her back. He knew it wouldn't but he dreamed it would. Dreamed that she was with him instead of somewhere all alone thinking he betrayed her, hurting in more ways than one because of his stupidity. His heart tore in half, and when was the last time he'd loved this deeply?
He had loved Julia, but it had been a need, a selfish feeling to know he wasn't alone, or wasn't defeated by the life he was living. Faye, she was there, she wasn't just a need, she also was something he needed to keep giving to, felt he had to do something to erase the pain in her eyes, the emptiness, the lost unfulfilled promises. He felt he owed her something, and he wanted to give her something, whereas Julia he felt he just needed.
And wasn't love wanting and giving not just one or the other?
Then a crow sounded through the air, and landed on his shoulder. Spike stared at it, and then saw a note at it's feet. He took the small paper and shooed the bird away. It had only a few words and as Spike read he could feel anger and rage rush through him.
How much can you love a woman?
Would you give your life for her?
Would you suffer if she died?
Would you hate her tormentors if she should suffer?
I'd like to find out.
Meet me at the Lost Rendago Bar at 12 tonight.
We showdown for your love, and we showdown for your life, Space Cowboy.
Sincerely,
Flame Ayutora Grustaki
"Someone get that bird out of here!" Someone was shouting.
Spike crumpled the paper and took his gun out. He shot the bird down in one shot from the ceiling it was flying around, his eyes gleaming with hate and rage. Then he turned from the startled police officers and walked out of the hallway as silence followed his aching world of dreams.