Sam and Dean both took the next week off from school. Gabe and Cas understood, and they both did their best to help. Gabe made plenty of jokes and Cas took notes for Dean in all of their classes. They all watched TV and ate together. Even in the worst of times, it was a little bit like having a family.

Dean made sure Sam was doing okay. And he could see it, a slow but steady progression upward every day. Sam was getting stronger, more stable. Dean only wished the same could be said about himself.

He dragged himself around each day, sadness drowning him. He put on a smile for everyone else to see, he didn't want to burden them any further.

There were times, though, where Dean felt okay. When he was talking with Sam, when they all sat themselves down on the couch, and then there were the nights. For over a decade, his nights had been cold and lonely. Now, they were becoming warmer and warmer as each one passed. They didn't need to share a bed, they both wanted to. Every night Cas would hold onto Dean, and Dean would hold back, just as tightly. He'd wake up in the middle of the night, tears soaking the sheets of his pillow, and Cas would be there, always, with a tissue.

"I didn't want him to come back. If I could just see him one more time, I could fix everything, I could make everything alright." Dean choked.

"Neither of us believe that, Dean. You don't want to see him again. Not really. Death glorifies life. That's all this is." Cas sensibly replied, and he hummed Dean back to sleep.

School was difficult. For a while, at least. He talked to his friends, but he never said what was really on his mind in front of anyone but Cas. It wasn't that he didn't like the rest of them, because he did, but Cas was different. Dean's grades slipped a bit, everyone understood, but Cas patiently helped him with his work before they went to bed.

"Thank you." Dean would mumble as he drifted in and out of sleep.

"Thank you." Cas would reiterate, regardless of whether or not Dean could still hear him.

It was slow. They all knew it, but Dean felt better. Better than he'd been in years, and that was the important thing. It took a few weeks at first, then a month. He wasn't perfect, but he was closer to it than he'd been in a long time. He was damaged and scattered, but now he could begin to fit the pieces back together.

Cas held on tighter each night. He wasn't pulling Dean down, he was simply keeping him grounded.

And finally, Dean started sleeping again. But that didn't mean Cas did.

A furious gust of wind from the outside snowstorm woke Dean up. He was just about to go back to sleep when he saw a figure's shoulders bobbing up and down on the side of the bed. It took him only a moment in his sleep-induced trance to realize who it was.

"Cas?" Dean asked, groggily.

"Dean!" Cas replied, startled, rubbing his eyes. "Why are you awake?" He tried to pull himself together.

"Cas, are you okay?"

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine. Go back to bed." He said, quickly throwing out his tissues.

"This isn't fine, Cas." He was getting scared. "What happened?"

"Dean, please just go to sleep." He sounded so desperate.

"Cas, let me-"

"I said go to sleep!" Cas impulsively yelled. "No, no, I- Dean, I... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell. I don't yell. I don't like yelling."

Dean put his hand on Cas'.

Cas laid down on the bed next to Dean, and handed his phone to Dean.

Dean squinted, his eyes not yet adjusted to the brightness, and read the text.

Crowley:

Bloody prude, fuck you 3:13 a.m.

"What's going on?" Dean prompted.

"Crowley has gotten more... insistent, lately. I've been trying to tell him 'no', but he doesn't seem to listen. I'm not ready for that, not yet, at least. I don't want... that... if it's meaningless. And that's how it feels to me. Meaningless."

Dean felt himself waking up more by the moment.

"Cas, he hasn't forced you to do anything, has he?" Dean asked, panicking.

"No," Cas said. "Not yet, anyway."

"You have to end this, Cas, I won't let this happen to you."

Cas' face changed into an unrecognizable emotion and the tears returned.

"Maybe- maybe it's a good thing, I mean, maybe it's okay. Him and me. It doesn't feel right, but you know I'm starting to think maybe it's not supposed to. I've just romanticized affection to be something it's not. That's all. It's okay."

Dean could now see how red Cas' eyes were.

"Cas, that's not how it's supposed to be, that's not how it would feel with someone you love."

"You're saying you think I don't love him?"

"Do you?"

"No," Cas said in a near whisper, voice cracking. Dean had never seen him like this, so emotional, and it broke his heart. "I know I don't love him, I don't even like that bastard" Cas chuckled half-heartedly, trying to cover the tears. "It doesn't matter anyway." Cas continued. "I'm stuck here. I can't do anything about it. It's permanent."

"'If you don't want something to be permanent, then it's not'." Dean quoted. "Cas?"

"What?" He snapped.

"If you don't like him, why are you with him?"

"To get over you, you idiot!"

Dean's eyes widened more than he thought humanly possible.

"Oh, oh god. I feel nauseous." Cas said.

"Cas?"

"I didn't mean to say that, I- I didn't mean... I'm so sorry."

"It's okay, it's okay." Dean soothed, unsure of what to do. He wrapped his arm around Cas' shoulders, bringing them closer.

"I screwed it all up."

"No you didn't."

"Yes. Yes, I did. Now you're gonna get scared and leave me."

"I'm not going anywhere, Cas."

"You're not the first to tell me that."

Dean took Cas' hand with his free one.

"It's okay. It's fine, it's my fault." Cas said.

"What's your fault?"

"I shouldn't have told you that, I shouldn't- I should've just let us be."

"Do you not want this?" Dean rubbed his thumb over Cas'

"Of course I do."

"Then let's do this."

Cas looked up.

"Give me the phone," he said.

Dean took his hand away from Cas' and gave him the phone without a second thought.

After a very tired, and only slightly pissed off sounding Crowley hung up on the extended break up speech, Cas decided it was mutual. After it was over, Dean pulled Cas into a tight hug, Dean straddling Cas' thighs as their cheeks rubbed against each other.

"Dean?" He whispered.

"Yeah, Cas?"

"I lied," they were quiet. "During truth or dare, I mean. Crowley wasn't my first crush, or a crush at all, really. You were. From the first time I met you, I knew. You were different, you were better, you were worth it. I was scared, and you were with Jo, and I thought if I was with someone completely and utterly different from you, then I could get over you, but being with him only made me miss you more. It made me miss everything about you."

"Cas-" Dean said, his rapid heartbeat making it difficult to say anything more articulate.

"Thank you so much. I can't even begin to thank you enough. It's not possible."

"What are you talking about? You were better off before you met me."

"That's the most stupid thing you've ever said, Dean, and trust me, you've said a lot."

Dean was silent, his confusion evident, and his ego wavering.

"Do you know what I did before I met you? Nothing. I did... nothing. You were the first person I'd talked to at this school. I couldn't even manage to get a word out to anyone else. The day before I met you we tried to play a small 'name game' during English, and I simply walked out the door. I was frozen, Dean. But you helped me more than you could possibly imagine." Cas continued. "During science the next day, I coughed. After twenty minutes of contemplation, I allowed myself the privilege." Cas said, bitterly. "I was so scared, I didn't know how, but I knew I'd screw up. I always screw up. But you know what, Dean? I was wrong. I'd rather have you. I'd rather screw this up than never have anything to screw with. So, I want to make something to screw up with you, if you'd like."

Dean scooted up to Cas and kissed him on the lips. It was just a peck at first, but then he grabbed Cas' face and kissed him with a ferocity he didn't know he had the capacity for. Dean could feel Cas smile into the kiss, and Dean reciprocated. They broke away for a moment, looking into each other's eyes. Dean let out a breathy laugh.

"You too?" Cas said, hopeful.

"Yeah, I guess so." Dean answered, chuckling.

Dean pushed forward again. Placing his hand on Cas' neck for stability, he brought their lips together. It was only for a moment longer than last time, then Dean pulled away and moved back. Feeling his cheeks furiously blush, he turned away from Cas.

"Don't do that."

"What?" Dean asked, as Cas started pressing feather-light kisses to Dean's face. His cheeks, his forehead, anywhere but his lips.

"I don't want to stop kissing you." He said, reaching the tip of his nose. "I don't want this to end."

"Hey, Cas?"

"Yeah?"

"Please don't get over me."

They fell over on the bed and slept all through the night in a beautiful silence. Cas' head rested on Dean's chest, and Dean's hand carded its way through his hair in a soothing rhythm. Dean pressed kisses to his hair when he thought he was asleep, but Cas was still wide awake, and smiling to himself as he watched the snow come down outside their window.