thirteen
The drive into town is almost too quiet even with the warm air blasting, so she flicks on the radio in hopes that the tension will fizzle. It doesn't. Instead, it seems a little worse.
She's been thinking about what the date will be like all day, but as she drives into town, she finds herself afraid that everything she's pictured in her mind's eye will either come true or be proved dreadfully wrong.
Truthfully, she isn't sure how she wants tonight to go.
"I can practically hear you thinking." Killian says.
She glances at him briefly and laughs once. "Really? What am I thinking about?"
Her fingers grip the steering wheel a little bit tighter and she picks at the flesh of her lower lip with her teeth.
"You've got nothing to worry about tonight, love. I'm sure, if what you've told me is true, he's an honorable man and he'll still want to be friends even if it doesn't work out."
Emma arches an eyebrow as she turns to look at him again. "Oh, so you don't think it will."
"No, no," he insists, suddenly defensive. He clears his throat and shifts in his seat. "No, I just meant-"
Emma can't help the smile that curls easily on her lips as she faces forward. Killian stops himself.
"Ah. I see. You're teasing me." Killian says as she laughs. "Well, I'm just trying to help you in case it doesn't work out, so you're not disappointed."
She glances over at him with a thankful smile. "Thanks." Looking ahead again, she adds, "Honestly, I have no idea if I even want it to work out. He's a great guy, but… I don't know. Maybe that's why we have to do this tonight. So we can stop wondering."
He's quiet again, so she is too. Her stomach has had nervous butterflies aflutter for hours, and with each mile she gets closer to town, it gets much worse.
"Where do you want me to drop you off?" Emma asks as the soft glow of Main Street's lights infiltrate the cab of the truck.
"Ah… Elsa's, I suppose. If you don't mind."
"No, it's fine." Emma says with a smile. She pulls onto the side of the street when they arrive at Elsa's address and she sighs as she turns to Killian. "Well. See you after."
He nods. "Aye."
After he opens his door, Emma says, "Hey, if you need me for any reason, you have my number."
"I'll keep that in mind." Killian replies. "Though I don't foresee any reason to interrupt your date."
The way he says it, with the slightest bit of dismay, makes her heart jump, but not as much as it does when he stands outside looking at her with his bright blue eyes, as if he has something to tell her.
"I'll let you know when it's done." Emma says.
"You make it sound like a chore. Have fun, Emma. Be yourself. I'm sure that's what he likes."
His words hit her hard, for some reason. He honestly wants her to have a good date tonight, even if his expression might betray that sentiment.
When she doesn't respond, he smiles softly and averts his gaze for a second. "I'll be somewhere around town. Probably hiding from my family."
Emma laughs once. "I thought you came to save Liam from making mistakes. Now you're hiding from him."
"I know." Killian shakes his head. He wears a ghost of a smile on his lips and stares at her for a few seconds. "You should get going. I won't keep you any longer."
He closes the door and Emma finds she misses him while he walks away from the truck.
Even an awkward silence with him is better than being left alone to her thoughts, all of which culminate to the result of thinking too much.
"It's going to be fine," she tells herself under her breath. "It's just dinner with a friend. Just be yourself. That's what he likes."
Dinner with a friend is definitely not what this is. It's a date. A date in an age of Soulmates. Soulmates, something Emma swore time and time again for a long time meant nothing to her, suddenly mean more to her than ever before.
Maybe it's the season or the family being together. Maybe it's Killian Jones sharing her room and sharing her sense of humor. Maybe she's always just had too much of her mother's hopefulness tucked away in the hidden parts of her heart.
Either way, she has a feeling the nerves she feels about tonight have less to do about going on a date with August and more about going on a date with someone who may or may not be her match.
/
Killian approaches the apartment with lead in his boots.
It's not that he doesn't want to be here. It's just that he'd rather be somewhere else. Ideally, somewhere else with Emma, but tonight he's not the lucky recipient of her time.
He's jealous, yes, but he manages to keep his jealousy at bay because Emma doesn't deserve it. He's sure tonight will be amazing and wonderful and she'll fall in love. And yet, here he is, his side all but aching as his chest squeezes tight at the thought of her finding love elsewhere.
He can't claim her his if she doesn't feel that all-consuming tug from the very core of her soul every time they stare into one another's eyes too.
So, with a deep breath, he forces himself to stop thinking about Emma Nolan for just a little while. Instead, he'll focus on his brother and what news that he and his new wife have to share with him.
He taps his knuckles against the wooden door and waits with his head down. He can hear music coming from inside, the bass throbbing just loud enough to give the listeners a rich sound while maintaining a sensible volume.
The door whisks open, revealing none other than Brennan Jones, standing there with a big grin on his face. He's wearing an old vintage tee with washed out jeans, something that Killian thinks probably came from Liam's suitcase, and his hair looks slightly greasy even though it's been pulled back into a tight bun at the back of his head.
"Killian! Welcome!"
"I didn't know you were going to be here." Killian says, his stomach clenching tight.
He finds Liam in the apartment, standing just beyond their father with a cookie in his hand.
"Come inside, brother. We've plenty of Christmas cookies to share."
With his heart sunk to his belly, he reluctantly steps forward when his father moves to the side to allow him entry. He keeps his boots and coat on, not intending on staying too long for fear of overstaying his welcome. He lifts his eyebrows at his brother, who extends a plate of cookies out toward him.
"Here. Elsa and I made them today. No nuts."
He takes a cookie and manages a smile. "Thanks."
It's a good cookie, but it's nothing in comparison to the cookies back at the farm. He thinks Ruth must have descended from the heavens just to provide the Earth with her cooking.
He glances at his father, who has conveniently settled himself down on the couch before the television and his laptop.
Elsa's standing in the kitchen, her hair tied up above her head and a busy sweat on her brow.
"Hey, Killian." She greets him as warmly as she can as she balances a tray in her hands fresh out of the oven.
"Hey. What's all this?" Killian asks, wandering toward the kitchen to see what she's doing more clearly.
"I'm baking and cooking and preparing all kinds of meals for Anna and Kristoff. They're currently helping my aunt Ingrid get settled back in at home, so when they return… I want them to have plenty to eat."
He frowns for a moment before he realizes what Elsa might be implying. "So where is my brother taking you for your honeymoon, Mrs. Jones?"
Elsa stops what she's doing and looks up at him with a blush in her cheeks. She glances over at her new husband and back at him again. "Well… we've decided to take a trip to Greenland, actually."
He hums. "Greenland. I've never been. Do you have family there or…"
"No," Elsa shakes her head. She gives Liam another look, nervously running her fingers through stray pieces of hair. "Um…"
Liam settles the plate of cookies down on the counter and clears his throat. "Well, Killian, Elsa's just heard that she's been given a research grant to study in Greenland." His brother's expression warms proudly as he beams at Elsa. "So we'll be moving there for six months while she completes her studies. And then we'll be back in Storybrooke."
Killian's eyes widen. He finds his tongue tied for a second as he looks between the pair.
"That's… very sudden. I didn't even know you were a scientist, Elsa. I'm sorry-"
"No, it's okay," Elsa laughs. She shrugs. "I'm just really glad everything's working out the way it is. We couldn't have asked for better timing, with the wedding and Liam leaving the business."
The suddenness of the biggest news of the day coming so casually off of her lips makes Killian's eyes widen as his heart threatens to break through his rib cage. He pivots quickly to look at his brother with his jaw agape.
"Liam-"
His brother holds out his hand. "Come now, little brother, it isn't as if we hadn't both seen the writing on the wall."
"Yes, but…" Killian stops himself and sighs. He looks over his shoulder at their father, sitting quietly in the living room. Then, he turns back to Liam again. "You're leaving me. To work with him alone."
"I'm not," Liam shakes his head. "I've already discussed it with him and I've decided I'll only be taking a bit of a leave while we get things sorted. I'll probably open my own fish supply shop in town once we're settled back in with a home. He's told me he'll take up my daily tasks until then."
He's still shocked, but he's just as happy for his brother as he would be if it were him getting a break like this from the company. Liam goes to Elsa's side and they both smile at one another, all but locking lips in front of him.
He averts his eyes and tries to comprehend just what Liam's split from the business will mean for him, but he can't.
He once believed that forcing himself to be busy would help keep the demons at bay, that he wouldn't think so much about the things that make him ache.
But as he stands here, at the crossroads of a decision, he aches so deeply for happiness the likes of which he hasn't experienced in several years.
Maybe the only way he'll find it is if he returns to the status quo. After all, Emma's finding love all on her own, and as much as he likes Storybrooke, there's nothing else for him here but a chance for a fresh start- something he isn't sure he's ready for, no matter how little he cares for the work he does.
The thoughts make his head spin. Confused doesn't quite cover the feeling he has aching in his chest.
He smiles at his brother and gestures to the door. "I need to get going."
"Oh, you don't need to," Elsa insists, "I'm making dinner if you want to join us."
"No, I shouldn't impose." Killian replies, already on his way to the door. "Have a good night."
Before anyone can drag him back inside, he opens the door and shuts it quickly behind him.
He's not fast enough, it seems, because Brennan Jones comes out behind him.
"I take it he's told you," Brennan says.
Killian nods. "Aye."
"I'm headed to New York tomorrow to meet with investors," he says, "hopefully to expand out this way. Perhaps open a new chain of shops."
"We'll talk about this later," Killian says. "You won't be changing anything without my permission."
His father smiles. "Well, of course not. We'll talk about it when you're available next."
On a guilty sigh, Killian looks away from him. This is his job. He inherited the company.
Just because he wants to play pretend that Emma Nolan likes him in return, he's willing to sacrifice the company's well-being? Between he and Liam, he's the only one who has any say in the future of the company now. It's time he step up and own that.
"I'll join you."
"Oh! Are you sure?"
Killian nods. "Aye. I'd best be there."
"I'll send a car for you first thing." Brennan says on a nod. He offers Killian a small smile. "I'm proud of you, you know. You're a good man."
Killian's heart jumps against his rib cage. "Thanks."
His father stares at him for a second or two, thoughtful, before he turns away and leaves him alone in the stairwell.
He shuts his eyes for a second in an attempt to find calibration, and then he takes off for the frigid night air and a search for something to eat.
/
The restaurant August has her meet him at is the fanciest in town, so it's a good thing she's wearing a dress. She takes a mental note to thank Killian for his fashion advice later.
Her date stands outside in the cold, waiting for her with his hands in his coat pockets as he bounces on his heels. An easy smile spreads on his face and he releases a gentle puff of air along with a laugh.
"Hey, Stranger. I was starting to think you were standing me up."
Emma smiles back kindly. "I wouldn't do that to you."
August extends his arm for her to take and she does, because she figures there's nothing else for her to do but encourage the night to take its course.
Her expectations, she discovers in the instant that they're seated at a table lit by romantic candlelight, are far too high.
August pulls out her chair and helps her out of her coat, and then sits across from her. After thanking the host for seating them, he smiles at her, a bright thing that should probably make her heart swell with giddiness.
But instead, she just feels nervous, almost to an extreme.
She takes a deep breath, reminding herself that this is just dinner with a friend, and that August is by far one of the kindest people so he'll understand if it doesn't even go well.
But what if it does go well?
The thought brings even more butterflies to the already tossing swarm in her belly. She quickly grabs the menu from in front of her and holds it up in an attempt to keep her cool.
"Everything looks so good, I don't know what I'll choose." August says in an attempt at making conversation.
Emma replies with a hum and a carefully calculated glance up at him. She doesn't think she's actually reading the menu, which is something she only realizes when the waiter comes to take their drink order and she has no idea what they serve.
"I'll just have a water." Emma says, setting her menu down on the table. She smiles at the waiter, who she thinks used to be in a band with a few of her mother's guy friends.
She finds his face a calming presence- odd, considering what she's doing.
August hesitates before he asks for a water as well, and for a little more time to look at the menu. When the waiter leaves, Emma reluctantly looks ahead of her for the first time at August.
He has a small understanding smile on his lips and he looks down briefly. "It's too weird, isn't it?"
Emma immediately shakes her head. "Oh, no. No. It's not weird."
August smiles a little more wearily. He sighs. "I knew I shouldn't have been so blunt at the wedding."
Emma's shoulders fall and her stomach tosses nervously. "It's not weird. I'm fine. This is a really nice restaurant. I think I'm just having a hard time choosing what I want to eat."
She laughs and holds up the menu again, but it doesn't work as a shield and it doesn't work as a mask either.
He shakes his head. "No, you don't need to do that. I know that look. You want to get out of here as fast as you can. It's too weird and it's my fault."
Emma sets the menu down and sighs heavily. "No, it's not your fault. I'm just…" She shakes her head and looks down at the white table cloth. "I don't know. I don't know if it's because of what happened with Neal or if it's because I spent the whole day freaking out about tonight… I have a lot on my mind."
Cautiously, she meets his eyes again.
"This isn't how it's supposed to be when you're on a first date with somebody you really like," Emma says softly. "I'm sorry. I'm the worst for agreeing to this when I knew I wasn't ready to start dating."
August frowns empathetically. He reaches across the table for her hand and gives it a squeeze. "Hey. No, don't be sorry." He scans her face and a smile finds his lips. "You're wearing the swans."
Emma laughs weakly. "Yeah. I thought you'd get a kick out of them."
He chuckles, but so quickly the moment fades. He strokes the back of her hand with his thumb and averts his eyes.
"I know you've been through a lot, with Henry's dad, and I get that." August says in a voice so quiet she almost can't hear him. He meets her eyes. "So maybe we agree that we'll do this again. When you know you're ready."
Her heart immediately lifts and she feels less nerves than before. She smiles slightly. "Yeah. Maybe."
August removes his hand from hers and she looks down when she feels her phone go off from her coat pocket. She removes it quickly to discover a message from her mother- a picture of Henry in the tub with a sweet and happy look on his face and bubbles in his hair.
He's all she needs. Her little North Star.
Looking back up, she hesitates before she says, "I think I should go home."
Her date frowns, but he isn't upset, just disappointed. "Alright."
He stands when she starts to grab her coat, but she won't let him help her with it. She smiles thankfully at him.
"I think you're amazing, August." Emma admits. He smiles slightly at her rare voice of honesty. She shrugs. "Maybe next time I won't run away."
August shakes his head. He manages a slightly hurt smile that makes her chest ache more than it should. "Maybe next time."