A/N: I've tucked it in the first chapter.

I'm still working away on the next chapter (first draft). Another issue that I'm working through is the direction of the story, although I am fairly certain that it will eventually write itself. Once again, I would like to thank everyone who has read it thus far and have been so patient while I work through the process of writing, editing, and posting. Unless you have missed the episode Business Unfinished, the dialogue between Elle and Hotchner in the flashback sequence will be familiar.

Pull Me Through: Part XIII

Of all the experiences she had in her life— that of uncertainty had to be the oddest. The simple fact that she had achieved what she had worked so hard for— becoming a member of the FBI's BAU. The cards alone were never stacked in her favour. Firstly, the number of applicants who apply to the unit alone was also staggering, and secondly, she was female and out of the thirty members of the BAU— two were woman. Strangely enough, none of that seemed to matter, as any uncertainty of her future had been soothed by the quiet, comforting calmness that spending time with him provided— he had an odd ability to balance her, ground her, all the while allowing her to feel happy within her own skin once more. She set aside earlier thoughts in an attempt to shed reason into the equation; reminding herself that she knew far better than to have invited him up to her flat— had been well aware of the fact that in doing so, the dream would have to end. It was, after all, inevitable. Especially if he happened to stay the night, which with the first rays of morning's light, he would be forced from her bed, pulled away from her, sent out into the unknown and right into the awaiting arms of whatever danger lurked, long thought artfully concealed within the darkness of the places we usually don't think to look. Despite the logic that screamed out at her, they stood in the hallway just outside her door. She held her keys in her hand, while he ever so patiently waited, in fact had managed to pull her into him and pressed himself against her back— content to nuzzle her neck in a playful manner in a wild attempt to distract her— something he had always been exceptionally good at. After two 'failed' attempts, she slipped the key into the awaiting lock with a soft giggle and opened the door.

First to free himself from his bomber jacket, he hung it along with her coat in the nearby closest as she closed and locked the door behind them. She ignored the nagging reason, the last wisps that had lingered in the back of her mind— she smiled contently and allowed herself to be literally swept off her feet.

"Hey! I thought that we had agreed to have tea." She protested in between kisses and trying to catch her breath, her lips brushed against his teeth but neither of them seemed to notice as he continued to ravage her soft lips with his own. Finally lacking sufficient oxygen to think, Elle had to break the kiss— only long enough to fully catch her breath. "Gideon! What has gotten into you?" she looked up into his beautiful contemplative brown eyes and noted how they were accentuated by the dim light in the entryway and she thought sparkled with mischief.

"Nothing dear." He tried to disguise his intent with sugared simplicity and an impish grin. In another attempt to distract her once more, he generously kissed her. In response, she gently pulled back and made a face that only he would ever get away with calling cute; and she made her way to the kitchen to prepare the tea. "Please allow me to assist you." He said coyly and ever so obviously pretended that the kitchen was smaller than it truly was and made every effort to brush himself against her as she danced around him to get the mugs from the cupboard and he retrieved the milk from the refrigerator.

"Excuse me." She whispered as the kettle began its announcement that the water was boiled. He smiled and leaned himself against the counter watching her as she gracefully poured the water over the tea bags in their mugs— adding milk, she stirred while he put the milk away. They then moved into the living room, where they arranged themselves as closely as possible on the sofa; enjoying the soothing silence shared between them. Elle cradled her mug in her hands and gently blew over the rim, attempting to cool the tea enough to sip. She thought for a moment and realised that it had been a good three weeks since Hotchner had barged into her flat with the suggestion and paperwork to have her rejoin the team. She had only seriously thought about it off and on— each time arriving at the same conclusion and felt that it was indeed time to actually discuss it with Gideon. Breaking the silence with sigh to indicate that she needed to talk— needed him to listen. He felt her weight shift as she turned herself within his embrace so that she could face him.

"Jason, I've been thinking." His smiled brightened.

"Is this a good thinking, or?" his eyes began to twinkle and matched his grin. Finding him utterly contagious, she returned his expression and playfully tapped his thigh in a 'what do you think?' manner before turning serious.

"Don't do that! This is serious." She couldn't stop the giggle that then escaped her lips. He always loved how melodic and infectious her moments of happiness were. "Do you and Hotchner still want me back on the team?" she tilted her head in question and lowered her eyelids, watching him from underneath long, thick, full lashes— he leaned towards the table and picked up his mug, took the first sip and bobbed his head yes. "Really Jason— that despite everything that." She looked down at the mug encircled in her hands. He gently took her mug from her and set on the table.

"Look at me Elle. I know that I haven't said it, which has been because of our agreement that the BAU remain the furthest topic of discussion." He looked at his feet for a moment and then looking up at her; he cupped her cheek gently. "Things haven't been the same since your departure." He then dropped his hand towards her shoulder and ran his fingers warmly down her arm, letting his hand rest on her forearm.

"Yes, but what about Emily?" her smile faded slightly.

"What about her? She can easily be transferred to another team. BAU or not, she's a bright young woman with an equally bright future." He paused, "that is if she doesn't get herself killed in the process."

"Impatient is she?"

"Not as much as another agent I recall." He winked. "Besides, it would give me an excuse to see you on a daily basis, not stealing precious moments here and there, in between cases." He then took her hand in his and she mused at how well they folded, merged together; their fingers intertwined so easily and naturally— just as things had become between them. She lifted her eyes and met his, and he took in how her face beamed.

"Gid." She caught herself, "Jason, you do realise that it's still quite a lot to consider. Even if I did return, there's complications galore." She looked down again.

"Well at least you're considering the possibility." He paused and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, she leaned into him— fitting nicely into him. He kissed the top of her head and sighed. "Whatever you decide, you'll tell me right?" he felt her nod her ascent. "I just don't want you to think that Hotchner and I are pushing you into something that you're uncomfortable with." She could sense his expression change and turned her head up to look at him. Unable to fully find her voice to even agree to think about his suggestion, she nodded once more— after all, she had only begun to truly realise that time had finally began to take its course and the emotional wounds had slowly begun to heal. The physical scar may never fade completely, but she decided that she wouldn't let it stop her from being herself— doing what she wanted. She gently moved to lean towards the table to pickup her mug and take another sip. Setting it back on the table, she placed her elbows on her thighs and resting her head in her hand, messaged her temples.

"I really hope that you understand that it really isn't that easy." She had found her voice, although her tone was soft, it gently caressed his ears and he couldn't help but tenderly cup her soft cheek with his large hand. She returned her eyes to meet his caring gaze, his face softening, his brown eyes sparkled in the light and in that moment no words were necessary— they reflected the appropriate sentiment. In that moment she somehow knew that no matter what, no matter which road she chose, everything would soon be all right— that somehow everything would return to normal.

"Well then," he took a deep breath and let it out quickly, "keep in mind that you haven't been away that long." There was that spark in his eye again, which touched her heart and she nodded before gently breaking free of his tender caress. Standing, she collected their mugs and went to the kitchen to rinse them out and set them on the countertop. Gideon remained on the sofa and enjoyed how her arms felt wrapped lovingly around his ever-strong shoulders— she kissed the top of his head and rested her chin within the warm, soft crease at the base of his neck.

"And tomorrow is another day. Monday, in fact." She whispered in his ear, the heat of her breath sent a pleasant shiver down his spine,

"I have an early day." He sighed loudly as he stood. "I'll call you when I know what the situation is." He said before stealing another kiss. He grabbed his jacket from the closet and quickly slipped his arms in the sleeves. Elle managed to get a hold of his scarf and playfully draped around his neck— pulling him close for a proper good night kiss.

"Remember to keep yourself in one piece." She whispered and watched him walk down the hall towards the elevator. Returning to the kitchen, she thought for a long moment and found herself carefully considering the pros and cons of returning to the BAU. She had originally thought that Gideon had said what she had needed to hear, yet then wondered if what he was saying held another meaning. She paused at the sink and then opened the dishwasher, adding the mugs, she checked to see that it had enough dishes to run the load through— she measured the correct amount of powder, tipped it into the reservoir, closed it and turned the dial. I have spent a good year and half as a member of a team who has worked tirelessly to rid society of those who prayed upon the most innocent— but the conversation she had had with Hotchner, not six months into her officially joining the team washed over her like a memory long forgotten. She moved to the living room and sat herself in the comfort of her favourite arm chair, the heavy drapes wide open— she looked out at the beautiful purple hued night sky and the bright stars that shimmered. A lone plane cut through the sky and left a ripple in its wake.

--Flashback--

It appeared to Elle that Max Ryan held Morgan, J.J., and Reid captivated by yet another Jason Gideon story. Elle glanced over the rim of her mug and found herself wondering if she would eventually end up like Ryan— retired, slightly bitter, and quite possibly alone. If that was all the job had to offer in the end— if the only satisfaction was that she knew there was one less bad guy out there terrorising the innocent. That wasn't good enough for her. She rested her mug on the knee that she had brought up towards her chest and finally spoke.

"You know he has no one. No family." She stated under her breath, just loud enough for Hotchner, who sat beside her on the sofa with his nose jammed in the file, to hear as she absently played with the string of her tea bag. She let it slowly sink to the bottom of the mug and then pulled it back to the surface, allowing it to bob about and sink to the bottom once more. Hotchner lifted his head from the file.

"Who's that?" he inquired as if he hadn't known— then again, she could in many ways just as easily been speaking of Gideon.

"Ryan. Technically he's retired— but he hasn't seen his kids in years." She pulled the string of the tea bag once more, shifted and tucked her feet underneath herself, before turning to face him.

"Divorce in not uncommon in the BAU." He replied as he sensed where she was leading the conversation. He figured that she had already spent a great deal of the flight home mulling it over in her mind.

"You know the other night when you called—Saturday night." She paused for a moment. "Did you think it was weird that we all were able to just drop everything and go to the office? That we are available to you anytime you call, day or night?"

"No, not really." He replied and cocked his head to the side.

"How do you do it? How do you do this job and have a wife and a baby?" he thought for a moment before answering. It was obvious to her that he wanted to carefully formulate his answer.

"Well," he paused briefly. "When I'm with them, I try and focus a hundred percent of my attention there— and when I'm with you guys, I try and do the same. It's about priorities Elle. It's about setting and keeping them." He replied. It had sounded far too simple an answer in her mind, far too obvious and slightly methodical— one that had no doubt been carefully formulated and very well rehearsed; it felt as though he were still in the process of tying to convince himself.

"I'm just so scared that I'm going to turn into that guy over there. One day look up and see that my life has passed me by while I was chasing monsters." She sighed loudly and pursed her deep berry coloured lips together.

"It's hard. This job will eat you up— if you let it." He said in a firm, yet gentle tone.

"So what do I do?" she inquired and tilted her head— he watched as her espresso hair fell over her shoulder and caught the dim light, showing off the natural red highlights.

"Find a way not to let it." He replied simply and turned to look at her once more as laughter erupted behind her. Following his gaze, she turned her head to catch Gideon red with embarrassment of yet another story.
--

"Find a way not to let it." She repeated to herself, repeated to the empty room. Her lips curled at the recollection of how happy the job had made her, once upon a time. That once upon a time, she hadn't thought twice about what she did, how it filled a void that always seemed tucked within her, and helped her make sense of herself and her role. She stood and walked to the window. It felt odd to make sense of something, to justify a decision by simply evaluating her relationship with Gideon. She knew that neither of them would become Ryan, so long as they sought the balance between work and living— everything would be all right; eventually. Yet she was also aware of the fact, perhaps all too well, that nothing in this life was ever that simple. There were always various factors that would or could jump into the calm waters, causing ripples in even the most solid of relationships. Elle had already seen that with Hotchner— the stress of the job was probably a contributing factor to Haley's bed rest. How had she handled the now knowing? Elle herself had only been away from the BAU for a good month and a half, all the while maintaining contact with Gideon. It was only recently that they began to explore the potential of a relationship. Not taking anything for granted, she had long known how she had felt about him— and now, lucky for her, she knew how he felt about her. Yet now she slowly began to wonder how her rejoining the team would affect their relationship. Would it be strengthened because of mutual understanding and bindings of trust, or would it be shattered to pieces as she had seen with other agents— a cold chill ran down her spine at the realisation at what was truly at stake. She then wondered if he had already thought it through.

To be continued…